gan_ibo
11-17-2002, 07:40 PM
Hi!
Now, I know a lot of you are just going to tell me things I already know, and I don't want to come off as snobbish or know-it-all-ish. .. ?? Please hear me out.
I'm fifteen and my mother is extremely over-protective. I understand that she loves me very much and she'd never want anything to happen to me. I understand that very very well. However, I do want a little freedom. I get A's and B's in school. I have never done drugs [never plan to - they are ick-ee.], I don't drink, I don't even date. [I just have no interest.] I have not lied to my parents beyond when I was small. I am usually very honest with them. Sometimes you can't tell them everything and you shouldn't - it only makes them worry.
I'm sure a lot of people think I'm just being a spoiled little brat who wants everything. You're wrong. I don't want to go partying all weekend or anything. What I want is to have some say in what I can and cannot do. I know she is the parent [as I have been informed many times. ^^] and has the final say, but there are a few problem issues. One has always been religion. I am not Christian. I have nothing against the religion. I am not saying "there is no God." I have NO right to say that. I am saying I don't agree with that religion and at this point in time, have no desire to. I have a belief system and I have my own spirituality. I am not worshipping anything. I don't want to be forced to go to sermons on a religion that I don't believe in. She can go; anyone who wants to can. I just don't want to. Am I in the wrong here?
Another issue is a game I play. It's called Dungeons and Dragons. I'm sure many have heard of it. I play at the college, with people who are older than I am. Two of these people are my close friends [we'll call them Locke and Dezzy.]. The others are very nice people [we'll call them Harley and Ikiru.]. The DM [dungeon master - he controls the game - we'll call him Lorne] is making a special exception for me to play, since I'm only a sophomore in high school and this is a college game. I made a compromise with her - I would watch for three weeks and then she would make a decision. My father said that this was fine with him. I watched for three weeks. These are five hour sessions. They aren't exactly the most fun things to sit through. ^^ However, after I had completed my part of the deal, and asked her for her decision, she said she hadn't thought about it. I waited a few days and she said no. We discussed it again [much to my irritation. . .] and my father convinced her. I'm now allowed to play, and I have not conceived any murder plots as of yet. I doubt I will. ^_-
How can I help my mother see that I wil be responsible for myself and if I make a mistake, I will try to correct it? I don't want to make her worry, but I don't want for the next two to three years to tell people I can't do things that I want to do very much [little things like going to people's houses for awhile, movies, etc. Nothing dangerous.]. I don't want to "rebel," because that won't solve anything. Any ideas?
Gan
Now, I know a lot of you are just going to tell me things I already know, and I don't want to come off as snobbish or know-it-all-ish. .. ?? Please hear me out.
I'm fifteen and my mother is extremely over-protective. I understand that she loves me very much and she'd never want anything to happen to me. I understand that very very well. However, I do want a little freedom. I get A's and B's in school. I have never done drugs [never plan to - they are ick-ee.], I don't drink, I don't even date. [I just have no interest.] I have not lied to my parents beyond when I was small. I am usually very honest with them. Sometimes you can't tell them everything and you shouldn't - it only makes them worry.
I'm sure a lot of people think I'm just being a spoiled little brat who wants everything. You're wrong. I don't want to go partying all weekend or anything. What I want is to have some say in what I can and cannot do. I know she is the parent [as I have been informed many times. ^^] and has the final say, but there are a few problem issues. One has always been religion. I am not Christian. I have nothing against the religion. I am not saying "there is no God." I have NO right to say that. I am saying I don't agree with that religion and at this point in time, have no desire to. I have a belief system and I have my own spirituality. I am not worshipping anything. I don't want to be forced to go to sermons on a religion that I don't believe in. She can go; anyone who wants to can. I just don't want to. Am I in the wrong here?
Another issue is a game I play. It's called Dungeons and Dragons. I'm sure many have heard of it. I play at the college, with people who are older than I am. Two of these people are my close friends [we'll call them Locke and Dezzy.]. The others are very nice people [we'll call them Harley and Ikiru.]. The DM [dungeon master - he controls the game - we'll call him Lorne] is making a special exception for me to play, since I'm only a sophomore in high school and this is a college game. I made a compromise with her - I would watch for three weeks and then she would make a decision. My father said that this was fine with him. I watched for three weeks. These are five hour sessions. They aren't exactly the most fun things to sit through. ^^ However, after I had completed my part of the deal, and asked her for her decision, she said she hadn't thought about it. I waited a few days and she said no. We discussed it again [much to my irritation. . .] and my father convinced her. I'm now allowed to play, and I have not conceived any murder plots as of yet. I doubt I will. ^_-
How can I help my mother see that I wil be responsible for myself and if I make a mistake, I will try to correct it? I don't want to make her worry, but I don't want for the next two to three years to tell people I can't do things that I want to do very much [little things like going to people's houses for awhile, movies, etc. Nothing dangerous.]. I don't want to "rebel," because that won't solve anything. Any ideas?
Gan
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*SoccerMom*
11-17-2002, 10:18 PM
Hi,
I do not know your whole situation but I think that some of your mother's issues may be about the feelings that you have about church and the games that you choose to play (Dungeons and Dragons). I have strong feelings about those games....As a Christian, I have studied them extensively while working as a teen leader. I was horrified to see the path that those games can lead people on. God Bless!
SoccerMom
I do not know your whole situation but I think that some of your mother's issues may be about the feelings that you have about church and the games that you choose to play (Dungeons and Dragons). I have strong feelings about those games....As a Christian, I have studied them extensively while working as a teen leader. I was horrified to see the path that those games can lead people on. God Bless!
SoccerMom
thinkaholic
11-17-2002, 11:04 PM
Hello http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/clown.gif
I would repy with an opinion but I cannot because I have no clue what "dungeons and dragons" is. And now I am curious. Could someone inform me?
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Peace out http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
:round: Thinkaholic
[This message has been edited by thinkaholic (edited 11-17-2002).]
I would repy with an opinion but I cannot because I have no clue what "dungeons and dragons" is. And now I am curious. Could someone inform me?
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Peace out http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
:round: Thinkaholic
[This message has been edited by thinkaholic (edited 11-17-2002).]
Greenberry
11-17-2002, 11:18 PM
Hey, I too played D&D when I was in high school and I don't think that it is the fast-track to hell that a lot of people seem to think it is. The big difference is that I played with people that were my own age, and we played many rounds at MY HOUSE or my friends houses. My parents and theirs were able to supervise and see exactly what was going on. I honestly remember feeling the exact same way that you do, but as a parent now, I wouldn't want my fifteen year old hanging out with college kids. I'm with you part of the way, but you really should be hanging around with people who are your own age.
gan_ibo
11-18-2002, 07:13 PM
I guess I sounded a little weird when I said that. The reason I'm up at the college is because my older sister works on Tuesday nights and we go up there for a gamer's club meeting. It falls on the same nights, so it's just convenient. Otherwise I wouldn't even be doing it. ^^
Dungeons and Dragons is a role-playing game that is controlled by a moderator who makes up a storyline. You select a character's race, sex, occupation, etc. and play out little "adventure" type things. Depending on the moderator, it can be really fun or a bit of a drag.
Thanks for replying!
Dungeons and Dragons is a role-playing game that is controlled by a moderator who makes up a storyline. You select a character's race, sex, occupation, etc. and play out little "adventure" type things. Depending on the moderator, it can be really fun or a bit of a drag.
Thanks for replying!
*SoccerMom*
11-18-2002, 09:58 PM
Hi,
I know that a lot of you here may think that I am a fanatic or something. I truly am not ;) I never really knew much about D&D until I met my husband. He was an avid player at the time. I want to be clear to everyone that I am NOT condemning anyone. I just want to share my opinion on this. My husband argued that it was only a game......some "games" would last months! I started flipping through his notes and books and was horrified. I know this may sound strange to many of you but I had an overwhelming sick feeling. The things were about magic, trolls, wizards, orcs, sorcery and memorizing spells. These D&D players are highly intelligent people who seemed to become overwhelmed by the game. My husband bought books of spells to memorize to make himself more "powerful". Folks, this is too much for me! I believe that as a fluke of playing around with a few friends, it is harmless. BUT, I do feel that it can be enticing to try to strenthen your character that brings up the issues. I felt that he was becoming facinated with the occult and magic. This is where I had a serious problem.
I know that a lot of you here may think that I am a fanatic or something. I truly am not ;) I never really knew much about D&D until I met my husband. He was an avid player at the time. I want to be clear to everyone that I am NOT condemning anyone. I just want to share my opinion on this. My husband argued that it was only a game......some "games" would last months! I started flipping through his notes and books and was horrified. I know this may sound strange to many of you but I had an overwhelming sick feeling. The things were about magic, trolls, wizards, orcs, sorcery and memorizing spells. These D&D players are highly intelligent people who seemed to become overwhelmed by the game. My husband bought books of spells to memorize to make himself more "powerful". Folks, this is too much for me! I believe that as a fluke of playing around with a few friends, it is harmless. BUT, I do feel that it can be enticing to try to strenthen your character that brings up the issues. I felt that he was becoming facinated with the occult and magic. This is where I had a serious problem.
Greenberry
11-18-2002, 10:28 PM
I wasn't really referring to you Soccermom, when I made my above comments. I have heard numerous people go on and on about the Satanic rituals and "demonicness" that are supposedly a part of D&D, but when we played it (15 years ago), it was pretty tame. The Harry Potter books are being received the same way by Christian fundamentalist-types as D&D was then. I am a Christian, and in my experiences with D&D (very limited, I'll admit) there was nothing Satanic or demonic. We all sat around and made up adventures for our characters to go on. We had characters that were different fantasy creatures all designed within certain parameters prescribed by the rules of the game. We didn't worship the devil or dress up in freaky costumes or go out and kill people. Almost all of the games we had were in people's houses under the supervision of parents, who were free to listen in (as long as they weren't standing over us constantly) and who often dropped in with snacks, etc. It was really fun, but we did it in a way that our parents seemed to be more comfortable with than the original poster's parents seem to be.
[This message has been edited by Greenberry (edited 11-18-2002).]
[This message has been edited by Greenberry (edited 11-18-2002).]
*SoccerMom*
11-19-2002, 09:42 AM
I wasn't really offended, Greenberry. I just have found that a lot of people take great offense and feel that Christian's are fanatics. I felt I may need to clarify for other people who may read my post. I think that it is often difficult to see that "fine line" between things. I allowed my son to read the Harry Potter books. A few people were shocked by this--I feel that as a parent, sometimes the more we make things seem "BAD" the more the children will want to do it! :) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/hammer.gif (get ready.....) BUT, I do think that we have to monitor what the kids are becoming "involved" with. Like I said about my husband, it is what it can lead to. I think that as a Christian who often struggles on my way, it is better to stay away from those things. It is true that we often have the misconception that all "satanic worshipers" wear black, do chants and practice sacrificial offerings. I do not believe this is the way that it is. I do think that you were right on with your observation about not hanging out with an older crowd at the college....I missed that one! :D
action
11-22-2002, 02:41 AM
I'm not a Christian but I do have some problems with D & D and like games. It seems to me that they can become an addiction which, in its own way, can be as destructive as pot! I have seen some kids (and adults!) whose lives become totally bound up in their D & D personas and their plans for the game to the extent that they have no other lives and their schoolwork and social life suffers. Fortunately my boys never got involved in those social games but spent an inordinate amount of time on similar computer games. They have grown out of it now, thank goodness.
It's hard for a parent not to be protective of their kids and it is a very fine line we tread! Sometimes you may need to look back in your mother's life to see why she adopts such a protective attitude! We are often driven by a desire that our kids dont make the same mistakes that we do!
It's hard for a parent not to be protective of their kids and it is a very fine line we tread! Sometimes you may need to look back in your mother's life to see why she adopts such a protective attitude! We are often driven by a desire that our kids dont make the same mistakes that we do!
mushroom1
11-22-2002, 04:26 PM
gan_ibo, well I am an atheist. My sons play D&D once in a while and it is no big deal. I am not superstitious and do not believe in hell...I believe in common sense. You sound like you have some.
I would not like my 15 year old son hanging around with college "kids" very often, but sometimes would be okay. Infact, he does. He is a straight A student, never did drugs etc. He is a good kid.
I don't have a problem with the game. It is a game. I am not afraid of black cats, either.
However, your mother is your mother. Try to live within her rules while you are a minor...soon you won't be. Take care.
I would not like my 15 year old son hanging around with college "kids" very often, but sometimes would be okay. Infact, he does. He is a straight A student, never did drugs etc. He is a good kid.
I don't have a problem with the game. It is a game. I am not afraid of black cats, either.
However, your mother is your mother. Try to live within her rules while you are a minor...soon you won't be. Take care.
fntsyangel
11-26-2002, 08:37 PM
While I am a little familiar with D&D it is not enough to comment on the subject. And it seems that is not really the problem anyway.
It seems that your mother is not sure whether she should trust you or not because you are straying from her beliefs. While I agree with you that you are old enough to start coming to your own conclusions about religion, it is also true that you are still a minor under her care in her house and, as such, should do your best to respect what her beliefs are and try to respect her wishes for you. Even if you feel that your beliefs are non-christian, you should be old enough to realize that while you will not harm your beliefs by going to church if that is what your mother asks, you could very well harm your relationship with your mother by not. It would not hurt to tell your mother that you are willing to go (if you are) to respect her beliefs and wishes, but at some point in the next few years you would like the freedom to chose on your own. That in itself may help her to have more trust in your ability to make solid, mature decisions. Other than that, you will just have to be patient and continue to show her that you are trustworthy. While I am only 25 and my children are all under 6 years old, I know tha mom's do NOT consider 15 quite old enough to be treated totally as an adult yet. At the same time, I remember being 15. I really think that if you do your best to show respect to your parents, eventually they will come around and do the same for you!
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Angel
Stephanie (7), Caitlen (5), Arica (1), Kai Thomas EDD 1-23-03
It seems that your mother is not sure whether she should trust you or not because you are straying from her beliefs. While I agree with you that you are old enough to start coming to your own conclusions about religion, it is also true that you are still a minor under her care in her house and, as such, should do your best to respect what her beliefs are and try to respect her wishes for you. Even if you feel that your beliefs are non-christian, you should be old enough to realize that while you will not harm your beliefs by going to church if that is what your mother asks, you could very well harm your relationship with your mother by not. It would not hurt to tell your mother that you are willing to go (if you are) to respect her beliefs and wishes, but at some point in the next few years you would like the freedom to chose on your own. That in itself may help her to have more trust in your ability to make solid, mature decisions. Other than that, you will just have to be patient and continue to show her that you are trustworthy. While I am only 25 and my children are all under 6 years old, I know tha mom's do NOT consider 15 quite old enough to be treated totally as an adult yet. At the same time, I remember being 15. I really think that if you do your best to show respect to your parents, eventually they will come around and do the same for you!
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Angel
Stephanie (7), Caitlen (5), Arica (1), Kai Thomas EDD 1-23-03
MotherOfAPrincess
11-26-2002, 09:27 PM
the part of your post that said,"I haven't conceived any MURDER plots as of YET",Isn't that enough of an answer to see why your mother would be worried????????????????