scrappymum
11-22-2002, 09:47 AM
Please note - I originally posted this on the "Depression" board because I am currently fighting a major depression, however I then noticed the parenting board and thought I might get some added insight.......
First of all, thanks to all who have been reading and replying to my overly frequent posts.......just know that you have been helping me deal with this current depression more than I can say - you are truly lifesavers. I have an issue happening with my almost 20 year old son, and I would love your input. I have an older daughter who is a university graduate, and lives with her fiance - she is fiercely independent, ambitious, and a hard worker. My son, on the other hand, lives with me and is still plugging away at graduating from highschool; he is very intelligent but also very lazy, especially when doing something that he doesn't enjoy (school). He supposedly works part-time with his Dad (a contractor) after school, but only goes when he feels like it, which is maybe once per week. Here is the picture: I have been totally supporting my son for the past 2 years (since the divorce).....paying $900.00 per month for rent, in addition to cable TV, internet, long distance phone bills, groceries, as well as his monthly car insurance payment. ($350.00) He, in turn, occasionally does some dishes, and does his own laundry when he has nothing left to wear. I have been feeling extremely guilty about my plans to move 250 miles away to be with my fiance (my son will move back with his Dad, who has a 5 bedroom home on 3 acres, in the country), and feel as though I am abandoning my child. My doctor has now put me off on a medical leave (likely 1-2 months) due to this severe depression, and my insurance benefits will not cover all of the bills. I approached my son about taking over his car insurance payments....he basically said that it was up to me to do what I had to do, and that if his car wasn't insured, so be it. But he is of the mind that - he is my child and I should be looking after him. I just spoke with the insurance agent and told her that I would no longer be responsible for the payments. As much as I love my son, he has been a huge financial drain on me (I don't get child support and my ex doesn't offer) for the past 2 years. Have I done the right thing? I must also tell you that he smokes pot several times per week.....his girlfriend spends every weekend here at my apartment.....he brought a new kitten home and I have been paying all the vet bills, cleaning the litter, buying the cat food.......I know that I have enabled him to become so lazy and unmotivated, but I need to get past the guilt.
I actually have been preparing my son for the "insurance takeover" for the past week or so. We spoke when he came home from school for lunch, and I told him that he needed to see the insurance agent today to discuss his payment options. His solution right now is to "park the car" and do without. It's funny how the same parents can raise 2 children who end up at opposite ends of the spectrum. As for his pot-smoking; I think that he likely has some level of depression - both my kids seem to have a slump in the Autumn. I think he is self-medicating and I told him so; I let him know that there is no shame in going for help, and that it is an option for him. I feel a bit lighter, having dealt with the insurance thing.
First of all, thanks to all who have been reading and replying to my overly frequent posts.......just know that you have been helping me deal with this current depression more than I can say - you are truly lifesavers. I have an issue happening with my almost 20 year old son, and I would love your input. I have an older daughter who is a university graduate, and lives with her fiance - she is fiercely independent, ambitious, and a hard worker. My son, on the other hand, lives with me and is still plugging away at graduating from highschool; he is very intelligent but also very lazy, especially when doing something that he doesn't enjoy (school). He supposedly works part-time with his Dad (a contractor) after school, but only goes when he feels like it, which is maybe once per week. Here is the picture: I have been totally supporting my son for the past 2 years (since the divorce).....paying $900.00 per month for rent, in addition to cable TV, internet, long distance phone bills, groceries, as well as his monthly car insurance payment. ($350.00) He, in turn, occasionally does some dishes, and does his own laundry when he has nothing left to wear. I have been feeling extremely guilty about my plans to move 250 miles away to be with my fiance (my son will move back with his Dad, who has a 5 bedroom home on 3 acres, in the country), and feel as though I am abandoning my child. My doctor has now put me off on a medical leave (likely 1-2 months) due to this severe depression, and my insurance benefits will not cover all of the bills. I approached my son about taking over his car insurance payments....he basically said that it was up to me to do what I had to do, and that if his car wasn't insured, so be it. But he is of the mind that - he is my child and I should be looking after him. I just spoke with the insurance agent and told her that I would no longer be responsible for the payments. As much as I love my son, he has been a huge financial drain on me (I don't get child support and my ex doesn't offer) for the past 2 years. Have I done the right thing? I must also tell you that he smokes pot several times per week.....his girlfriend spends every weekend here at my apartment.....he brought a new kitten home and I have been paying all the vet bills, cleaning the litter, buying the cat food.......I know that I have enabled him to become so lazy and unmotivated, but I need to get past the guilt.
I actually have been preparing my son for the "insurance takeover" for the past week or so. We spoke when he came home from school for lunch, and I told him that he needed to see the insurance agent today to discuss his payment options. His solution right now is to "park the car" and do without. It's funny how the same parents can raise 2 children who end up at opposite ends of the spectrum. As for his pot-smoking; I think that he likely has some level of depression - both my kids seem to have a slump in the Autumn. I think he is self-medicating and I told him so; I let him know that there is no shame in going for help, and that it is an option for him. I feel a bit lighter, having dealt with the insurance thing.
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mlgable
11-22-2002, 10:20 AM
Let your son park the car and see how long the walking or depending on others to drive him around lasts. As for school and work. Give him two options either he hits the books and gets out of high school or he gets his butt out and works. You said he is 20 and still trying to graduate from high school. My question is how did he fall so far behind in the first place. Also regarding chores and work.........what chores is he supposed to do at the house. You are the head of the househould and need to tell him that while he is living under your roof he will do this and that chore every day etc. It sounds like chores were not enforced when he was younger. Since he has such a low drive compared to his sister then he is the one who needs more rules to get him to learn to manage his time better. Also since HS is taking so long is there any possibility that he might have ADD making it harder for him? Set up some rules right now as to what is and isn't allowed in your home while he lives there. As for his skipping work..............why has he been allowed to skip work? First off his father whom he works for should be enforcing the fact that he needs to be at work every day and if he is not there he should be letting him know that this will not be tolerated. Does he allow his other employees to just show up only when they want to?? I would think not. You mention being on medical leave right now so you should be able to tell your son in no uncertain terms that you expect him to either be at work when he is supposed to or he needs to be home and not goofing off with friends. If this is supposed to be a job it needs to be treated seriously like one. By allowing him to not go to work yet he is probably out with friends or doing whatever that only gives him the message that it is ok to skip work if he feels like it. The time is long overdue so sit down and work out a plan with your son then stick to it. In the end he will appreciate you much more than if you had just let him continue to waste away his time and energy. Good Luck.
Lindarella
11-22-2002, 10:28 AM
Don't feel guilty. You're not the only parent. There comes a point in all our lives where we have to make the hard choices about letting our children be adults. It's harder with unmotivated children. He'll do just fine with the Dad. Maybe Dad can motivate him to get off his butt.
You're right in that you let it occur but just because you did that, don't beat yourself up about it. Times change and things change and so can you. He might not like the "new and motivated" Mom because it will mean to him that you're no longer carrying the ball that he should carry. That's just too bad for him. He might try to make you feel guilty but try not to. You sound like a wonderfully caring person so you did good.
See he wants to do whatever he wants with no consequences. To achieve this he has to use guilt on you because it's always worked before. Don't cave. Be strong. You can do it. Try to make a life for yourself that includes loving him but also includes letting him fail and deal with reality. That doesn't make you a bad person or a bad Mom. It makes you a good one.
Hope everything works out for you. Go live your life. Be happy and take care of yourself.
You're right in that you let it occur but just because you did that, don't beat yourself up about it. Times change and things change and so can you. He might not like the "new and motivated" Mom because it will mean to him that you're no longer carrying the ball that he should carry. That's just too bad for him. He might try to make you feel guilty but try not to. You sound like a wonderfully caring person so you did good.
See he wants to do whatever he wants with no consequences. To achieve this he has to use guilt on you because it's always worked before. Don't cave. Be strong. You can do it. Try to make a life for yourself that includes loving him but also includes letting him fail and deal with reality. That doesn't make you a bad person or a bad Mom. It makes you a good one.
Hope everything works out for you. Go live your life. Be happy and take care of yourself.
scrappymum
11-22-2002, 11:48 AM
Thank you for taking the time to reply, and I think I will actually print this out so that I can refer to what you've both written. I'm not sure what has caused me to spoil my son so badly, other than his Dad always seemed to prefer our daughter, from the moment of birth (he wanted another girl). His Dad was always very hard on him, and never failed to let him know that he was a disappointment; if he played a hockey game, he never played well enough; no matter what he did, it was never good enough. So I started to overcompensate. He has actually told our son that he will never amount to anything, that he is/was/always will be a loser. I've gone way overboard in trying to make up for this. We have had some counselling and he (at the age of 17) was diagnosed with ADHD, although he was also identified as gifted. He can spend literally HOURS composing music - he wants to be a music producer - to the neglect of everything else around him. When involved in something he loves, he focuses 100%. He has wonderful plans, but little follow through, and has been this way his entire life. I want to help him develop and maintain his self-esteem, but have done him harm in the process. And you're right - his Dad should be insisting that he shows up for work regularly. I can ask him, again and again, to do something simple like take the trash out, and unless he does it IMMEDIATELY, it is forgotten. Even if I place the trash bag in front of the door, I have seen him set it aside and leave. It does not seem to be to intentionally defy me. Deep down, I am terrified for him - and I guess I'm thinking, "He can't look after himself, so I have to do it for him." I envision him out on the streets....when he has SO MUCH potential. He is very warm and affectionate with me, never fails to tell me that he loves me and appreciates what I have done for him - but he just doesn't "get it." Life, in general. He will be graduating high school next spring, Thank God - and the reason he is so behind is that he decided to drop out 2 years ago (after his Dad and I split up). He was out for one year, and decided that manual labour wasn't his cup of tea. I love him with all my heart, but he has caused me a lot of grief since he became a teen.
mushroom1
11-22-2002, 04:13 PM
I have 5 children, 21, 17, 14, 8 and 6. They are all different. My 17 year old son is the one that I worry about. His grades are from A's to F's. He doesn't do drugs, but he is very unmotivated generally. He failed drivers ed. twice! It is frustrating...
However, it is his life. Not mine. I think that he may have to use his body to earn a living for a while before realizing that he wants to get a college degree so he can use his mind. He has one more year of highschool and then his choices will be 1. get a job and pay rent to us. 2. Move out. 3. Attend college and maintain a 2.5 or better (We'll pay). We would never consider paying $350 a month for his insurance...but we will let him use one of our cars as long as he is being generally responsible and pays for his own gas...
I am sure that it will be very difficult to tell him to get a job or move out...but it is something that I am prepared to do. Also, IT WILL NOT BE A SURPRISE TO HIM...HE KNOWS THAT THIS IS HIS LAST YEAR TO GET HIS ACT TOGETHER.
Maybe you could give your son warning and then ease him into the adult world or maybe your x will...
However, it is his life. Not mine. I think that he may have to use his body to earn a living for a while before realizing that he wants to get a college degree so he can use his mind. He has one more year of highschool and then his choices will be 1. get a job and pay rent to us. 2. Move out. 3. Attend college and maintain a 2.5 or better (We'll pay). We would never consider paying $350 a month for his insurance...but we will let him use one of our cars as long as he is being generally responsible and pays for his own gas...
I am sure that it will be very difficult to tell him to get a job or move out...but it is something that I am prepared to do. Also, IT WILL NOT BE A SURPRISE TO HIM...HE KNOWS THAT THIS IS HIS LAST YEAR TO GET HIS ACT TOGETHER.
Maybe you could give your son warning and then ease him into the adult world or maybe your x will...
scrappymum
12-01-2002, 11:53 AM
Guess what???? I checked my bank account and found out that the insurance company took the $350.00 car insurance payment out, after I told them I would no longer be responsible for payments. They said that my son had not been in to "make other payment arrangements" and so they went ahead and withdrew the $$$$ from MY account. When I approached my son, he simply said, "Well, what do you expect me to do? Where am I supposed to find a job?", placing the whole thing right back in my lap again. I am still on disability, but see my doctor this coming week; I guess I have no choice but to get myself back into work whether I'm depressed or not. I am at my wit's end.....this child simply DOES NOT GET IT. I realize that he is a product of MY making, but now how do I turn things around????
mydog8mybrain
12-01-2002, 09:16 PM
Scrappy - Call the insurance company in the morning. Cancel the policy and demand a refund of premium. follow up with a suit in your samll claims court. YOu need that money kiddo.
I've been fighting the same battle with my eldest. He presently is flying down the road happy as a lark without a bit of insurance. If he gets pulled over then they tow his car. Hmmmmmmm . . . . guess it's welcome to the real world time. Actually, he has accumulated the money for a payment and intends to make it in the morning. HOpe he gets it there.
Good luck
------------------
Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.
I've been fighting the same battle with my eldest. He presently is flying down the road happy as a lark without a bit of insurance. If he gets pulled over then they tow his car. Hmmmmmmm . . . . guess it's welcome to the real world time. Actually, he has accumulated the money for a payment and intends to make it in the morning. HOpe he gets it there.
Good luck
------------------
Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.
Greenberry
12-01-2002, 10:59 PM
Scrappymum, I say move away and let your son fend for himself for a while. I know of someone who is in the same situation as you, only her son is 34 and she still feels responsible for him (and said son seems to feel that his mother should in fact still be taking care of him since he IS her child, after all). So SAVE YOURSELF NOW, and let the real world hit your son in the face a few times. Otherwise he will be 40 and you will still be saying "When will he ever learn how to take care of himself?" Just some words of advice from someone who sees where you may be going, and hopes to avoid that place myself someday...
ffsmith
12-02-2002, 12:22 AM
Hi scrappymum
I think you already know my point of view.
If it is seasonal depression, can he use a light box? I hear those really work? (Instead of the pot)
I agree with linderella about the guilt and obligation and not being effected by that and I have posted that before. I think that this is a big problem for you.
You are a great mom but you are being overwhelmed by these feelings
You need to stop paying the insurance like mydog said please stick to that decision
The more I read the more I think dad should be paying something here???
The more I read about the problems with dad the sadder the story gets.
When you father instills in you that you are a disappointment, it can have life long effects.
This can completely explain the lack of follow through.
I often say to myself ‘if I am not good enough what is the point of trying or finishing’
Your fear that he can not ‘take carw of himself’ seems to be distorted and untrue.
Test this fear. Do experiments.
Have him do cooking. Do his laundry more often. Clean the house the way you want it done.
Set something up. You will be helping him and testing your fear which is probably excessive. Do not believe it just because you FEEL it.
If he is warm, affectionate and appreciative you are a good mom.
Things may change now that he is graduating…
I feel for you because if I was me (not you) but in your position I would never send him to live with his father. But that just comes from my personal experience.
But it sounds like the father could be more help financially.
I assume the son lived at home while he was working manual labor?
[This message has been edited by ffsmith (edited 12-01-2002).]
I think you already know my point of view.
If it is seasonal depression, can he use a light box? I hear those really work? (Instead of the pot)
I agree with linderella about the guilt and obligation and not being effected by that and I have posted that before. I think that this is a big problem for you.
You are a great mom but you are being overwhelmed by these feelings
You need to stop paying the insurance like mydog said please stick to that decision
The more I read the more I think dad should be paying something here???
The more I read about the problems with dad the sadder the story gets.
When you father instills in you that you are a disappointment, it can have life long effects.
This can completely explain the lack of follow through.
I often say to myself ‘if I am not good enough what is the point of trying or finishing’
Your fear that he can not ‘take carw of himself’ seems to be distorted and untrue.
Test this fear. Do experiments.
Have him do cooking. Do his laundry more often. Clean the house the way you want it done.
Set something up. You will be helping him and testing your fear which is probably excessive. Do not believe it just because you FEEL it.
If he is warm, affectionate and appreciative you are a good mom.
Things may change now that he is graduating…
I feel for you because if I was me (not you) but in your position I would never send him to live with his father. But that just comes from my personal experience.
But it sounds like the father could be more help financially.
I assume the son lived at home while he was working manual labor?
[This message has been edited by ffsmith (edited 12-01-2002).]
helpinutah
10-08-2007, 06:49 PM
Thank you for taking the time to reply, and I think I will actually print this out so that I can refer to what you've both written. I'm not sure what has caused me to spoil my son so badly, other than his Dad always seemed to prefer our daughter, from the moment of birth (he wanted another girl). His Dad was always very hard on him, and never failed to let him know that he was a disappointment; if he played a hockey game, he never played well enough; no matter what he did, it was never good enough. So I started to overcompensate. He has actually told our son that he will never amount to anything, that he is/was/always will be a loser. I've gone way overboard in trying to make up for this. We have had some counselling and he (at the age of 17) was diagnosed with ADHD, although he was also identified as gifted. He can spend literally HOURS composing music - he wants to be a music producer - to the neglect of everything else around him. When involved in something he loves, he focuses 100%. He has wonderful plans, but little follow through, and has been this way his entire life. I want to help him develop and maintain his self-esteem, but have done him harm in the process. And you're right - his Dad should be insisting that he shows up for work regularly. I can ask him, again and again, to do something simple like take the trash out, and unless he does it IMMEDIATELY, it is forgotten. Even if I place the trash bag in front of the door, I have seen him set it aside and leave. It does not seem to be to intentionally defy me. Deep down, I am terrified for him - and I guess I'm thinking, "He can't look after himself, so I have to do it for him." I envision him out on the streets....when he has SO MUCH potential. He is very warm and affectionate with me, never fails to tell me that he loves me and appreciates what I have done for him - but he just doesn't "get it." Life, in general. He will be graduating high school next spring, Thank God - and the reason he is so behind is that he decided to drop out 2 years ago (after his Dad and I split up). He was out for one year, and decided that manual labour wasn't his cup of tea. I love him with all my heart, but he has caused me a lot of grief since he became a teen.
helpinutah
10-08-2007, 06:52 PM
I feel for you. I have an almost 20 year old. Totally irresponsible. Everything is, "in a minute". It never gets done. He has quit 2 jobs. Doesn't go find another one. Always wants to use the car, because he is "looking" for a job. He is driving myself and my husband crazy. I am at my wits end. How do you motivate and unmotivated person? I don't want to kick him out, but right now that seems to be the only option. What have you learned to help? Any suggestions would be fantastic. Thanks in advance, Help in Utah
SallyD
10-10-2007, 08:33 PM
Hello everyone..
This is incredible..This whole thread could have been written about my 22 yo daughter!
Same story..she has an older brother who is a high acheiver, (he's an officer in the military)
We have been fighting this battle since she turned 18..She's been fired from several jobs, (it's never her fault)
she has totaled 2 cars (not her fault either) Sarcasm here...lol
she has really really bad taste in men, she goes after bad boys who influence her lifstyles,and are just generally bad news.
She spends all her money on clothes, and bars, and her cel phone.
She is always late paying her bills...(car, phone, etc.).
It's always one bad descision after another.
she can't move out, because she can't keep a job. She's always been a defiant child, but we could usually punish her into submission. It has just escalated since she turned 18.
Here's how we treat her...like a 16 yr. old.....we provide a roof over her head, and food for her belly. That's it. Absolutely no money, ever.
We tell her if she doesn't like our house rules, she has every right to move out. She won't, but she usually just ignores us, or grudgingly does just enough to avoid the consequences.
yes, we have to deal with the bill collectors..but she gets all the messages they leave.
If she leaves dirty dishes , they go in her bed...
I refuse to touch her laundry..and if she leaves her junk laying around, (she has been told I am not the maid) it goes out side in the yard.
yes, we are having a minor war at our house. But her Dad and I finally had to take a stand, and we were finally at our witts end..we can not throw her out, but we will not enable her.
The latest deadline is saturday for her room...(in my house.) it is literally piled three feet deep with junk/clothing/ and dirty dishes..(wink)
I have told her if she hasn't cleaned it by sat, and I have to go in there..her stuff is going to good will..(Charity), and i fully intend to follow through with it.
I don't think she believes I'll do it......muah...we shall see......
I always thought when my kids were grown they would be my friends...but this one never grew up. And we aren't having any luck forcing her to...
So, If anyone knows a magic cure for unending adolescence, please share.
Take care and God Bless...sally
This is incredible..This whole thread could have been written about my 22 yo daughter!
Same story..she has an older brother who is a high acheiver, (he's an officer in the military)
We have been fighting this battle since she turned 18..She's been fired from several jobs, (it's never her fault)
she has totaled 2 cars (not her fault either) Sarcasm here...lol
she has really really bad taste in men, she goes after bad boys who influence her lifstyles,and are just generally bad news.
She spends all her money on clothes, and bars, and her cel phone.
She is always late paying her bills...(car, phone, etc.).
It's always one bad descision after another.
she can't move out, because she can't keep a job. She's always been a defiant child, but we could usually punish her into submission. It has just escalated since she turned 18.
Here's how we treat her...like a 16 yr. old.....we provide a roof over her head, and food for her belly. That's it. Absolutely no money, ever.
We tell her if she doesn't like our house rules, she has every right to move out. She won't, but she usually just ignores us, or grudgingly does just enough to avoid the consequences.
yes, we have to deal with the bill collectors..but she gets all the messages they leave.
If she leaves dirty dishes , they go in her bed...
I refuse to touch her laundry..and if she leaves her junk laying around, (she has been told I am not the maid) it goes out side in the yard.
yes, we are having a minor war at our house. But her Dad and I finally had to take a stand, and we were finally at our witts end..we can not throw her out, but we will not enable her.
The latest deadline is saturday for her room...(in my house.) it is literally piled three feet deep with junk/clothing/ and dirty dishes..(wink)
I have told her if she hasn't cleaned it by sat, and I have to go in there..her stuff is going to good will..(Charity), and i fully intend to follow through with it.
I don't think she believes I'll do it......muah...we shall see......
I always thought when my kids were grown they would be my friends...but this one never grew up. And we aren't having any luck forcing her to...
So, If anyone knows a magic cure for unending adolescence, please share.
Take care and God Bless...sally
cinemachick
10-12-2007, 07:06 AM
Hi there! I'm a 20-year-old looking into these forums to prepare myself for parenthood (I'm getting married in May and plan to have a family soon.) I wanted to post to show you a different perspective from someone about the same age as your son.
I moved out of my parents' place last January. I've survived even while having a severe mental disorder. It was my choice to move out...I was motivated and felt guilty for having to be a financial burden to my parents (they were having financial problems at the time). I was motivated to leave, even though I could have stayed, and I believe that motivation came from the respect my parents gave me as they treated me as an adult. (I could be completely different from my peers in this...actually, most people I know are immature and dependent, so never mind, I guess this is my unique attitude.)
I say, that since he is an adult, and you have a mental illness, you have a right to move away from him...if he is intelligent like you said, he will find a way to survive. Tell him, this transition is not that bad!
Maybe, make his becoming independent more of a priority than high school. That may give him some more time to work and save up. Finishing high school right away is not that important (trust me...I didn't graduate because of my illness and plan to when I can, but for now, I'm fine.)
I moved out of my parents' place last January. I've survived even while having a severe mental disorder. It was my choice to move out...I was motivated and felt guilty for having to be a financial burden to my parents (they were having financial problems at the time). I was motivated to leave, even though I could have stayed, and I believe that motivation came from the respect my parents gave me as they treated me as an adult. (I could be completely different from my peers in this...actually, most people I know are immature and dependent, so never mind, I guess this is my unique attitude.)
I say, that since he is an adult, and you have a mental illness, you have a right to move away from him...if he is intelligent like you said, he will find a way to survive. Tell him, this transition is not that bad!
Maybe, make his becoming independent more of a priority than high school. That may give him some more time to work and save up. Finishing high school right away is not that important (trust me...I didn't graduate because of my illness and plan to when I can, but for now, I'm fine.)
Trixibel
10-25-2007, 11:51 PM
I know about overcompensating. I have three boys and my middle son is the 'shining star' he seems to have everything - looks, self confidence, sporting ability, brains. He's been so loaded with talents it seems unfair. He's very popular at school. My eldest is bright, and very sweet natured, but I've always overcompensated because he's shy and finds it hard to make friends. I've probably done too much for him, run after him too much, not given out enough 'tough love.' because I was always worried that he'd end up unhappy. I've always worried about him much more than the others. It's harder for you having seen that your ex-husband preferred your other child - how can people do that and not hide it? Honestly it shows a flaw in him. Maybe your son shouldn't live with him if your ex is going to put him down and make him feel less worthy than your daughter? I don't know the right answer. It sounds like he needs to get a job. Artistic people who like composition (I'm a bit like that myself - always liked making up music and writing fiction) are sometimes better off doing practical jobs instead of trying to force themselves into 'careers' that they're not suited for or interested in. I do medical transcription for a living (even though I've got a teaching degree) but I still make up stories in my head all the time. It's very hard when one of your kids is really motivated and the other one isn't - but it often works like that.
But with regards to the car insurance - that's not your responsibility any more. He needs to find some way of earning a living. Perhaps if he's taken so long to get through high school it's pointless making him stick at it. Perhaps he'd be better off getting out and getting a job, even if it's just working in a music shop or something.
But with regards to the car insurance - that's not your responsibility any more. He needs to find some way of earning a living. Perhaps if he's taken so long to get through high school it's pointless making him stick at it. Perhaps he'd be better off getting out and getting a job, even if it's just working in a music shop or something.
mcr285
11-07-2007, 06:07 PM
i agree with the poster that said you need to cancel the insurance policy and get your money back! i also think you ought to sell that car and put that money towards your household bills, since your son isn't willing to help. at 19-20 years old, your son needs to be in college, or working a full time job, not bumming off of his mother! i know it's hard, because he is your son, but you're not helping him by enabling him to be a bum. he does need a good hard dose of reality, and it might not come right away, but it will eventually come. it took my older brother (sounds exactly like your son) until he was almost 35 before he started taking on some real grown up responsibility!