Kadree
08-08-2002, 04:41 PM
Hi everyone,
I'm at my wits end with my son. He is the most beautiful little boy you have ever seen. He has the looks of an angel- but he acts like the devil!
Anything that he can break, take apart, disfigure or destroy is what he is in to. I almost hate buying him new toys because they are broken almost instantly.
He chews the tips off felt markers, peels wallpaper off the walls, can't eat anything without smearing it all over himself, the table and the walls. He's into everything. He is very smart and catches onto things right away, he can open child proof lids, start the truck and scale any wall. What can I do?
I've sent him to his room, I've spanked him, I've made him stand in the corner. I've given him time outs, taken things away, and kept him home from outings. I can't take this child anywhere without having to haul him back out to the car because he is causing such a disturbance. Any advice would be great! Thanks
Kadree
I'm at my wits end with my son. He is the most beautiful little boy you have ever seen. He has the looks of an angel- but he acts like the devil!
Anything that he can break, take apart, disfigure or destroy is what he is in to. I almost hate buying him new toys because they are broken almost instantly.
He chews the tips off felt markers, peels wallpaper off the walls, can't eat anything without smearing it all over himself, the table and the walls. He's into everything. He is very smart and catches onto things right away, he can open child proof lids, start the truck and scale any wall. What can I do?
I've sent him to his room, I've spanked him, I've made him stand in the corner. I've given him time outs, taken things away, and kept him home from outings. I can't take this child anywhere without having to haul him back out to the car because he is causing such a disturbance. Any advice would be great! Thanks
Kadree
Sponsor
Greenberry
08-11-2002, 11:08 AM
It really sounds like you have tried everything. My daughter is 2 also, and engages in most of the activities that you mentioned, and spanking has helped a lot. My pediatrician recommended that I spank in a very structured manner, not just in the heat of the moment. My daughter was extremely defiant, starting at about 14 months, doing things specifically that I told her not to do. The last straw was when she got into turning the TV set off and on (it is really old and on it's last leg, and I just knew that she was going to tear it up by turning it off and on 10,000 times a day, besides the fact that it is annoying!). I scolded her and as I was popping her hand, she reached around me with her other hand and kept hitting the on/off button! That was it for me.
Our doctor recommended a strategy for spanking that seems to work. You mentioned that you have tried spanking, but the way my doc suggested is a little different from regular spanking. When my daughter misbehaves, I usually warn her that what she is doing will lead to a spanking on the next incident ("If you do -whatever- again, I will spank your bottom."). Sometimes if I have told her repeatedly in the past (like with the TV) I will not do this warning, but most of the I do. When she invariably repeats the activity, I pick her up, take her to her room, or a bathroom, the car, or other private place, remove her diaper and pop her two or three times on her bare bottom. Then as I put her back together, I explain to her that every time she doesn't mind me, I will have to spank her bottom, and then give her some love. Then, we return to the scene of the crime, where I make her help me put whatever she tore up back together, or if it can't be salvaged, we go to the trash can together and throw it away, and I tell her that it makes me sad to have throw -whatever- away. At first, it seemed like I spanked her 20 times a day, but lately, I only spank her once or twice a week now, if that. She minds me better in general and has not destroyed as much of our house as she used to.
The real test came a few weeks ago at my parents house. Their answering machine is in a location that is eye-level to my daughter, and she is always messing with the buttons. My mother has refused to let me discipline my daughter in her house, which I went along with (out of respect for my parents) until the last visit. My daughter went totally out of control, and would not stop pushing the answering machine buttons. I implemented the spanking strategy, over my mother's intense objections, and my daughter did not touch the answering machine again for the rest of our several hour visit.
This has worked for me, but I have had to be very consistent in implementing it, even when I was almost too tired, or didn't feel like having to drag my daughter out of the grocery store to the car, and then back in, or whatever. You might want to give it a try. I felt like I was at my wit's end about 7 or 8 months ago, with a 15 month old running the house, and this method of discipline has allowed me and my husband to regain control of our home. For the first few weeks, you may be spanking a whole lot, but as you regain control of the situation, you shouldn't have to spank so much.
Our doctor recommended a strategy for spanking that seems to work. You mentioned that you have tried spanking, but the way my doc suggested is a little different from regular spanking. When my daughter misbehaves, I usually warn her that what she is doing will lead to a spanking on the next incident ("If you do -whatever- again, I will spank your bottom."). Sometimes if I have told her repeatedly in the past (like with the TV) I will not do this warning, but most of the I do. When she invariably repeats the activity, I pick her up, take her to her room, or a bathroom, the car, or other private place, remove her diaper and pop her two or three times on her bare bottom. Then as I put her back together, I explain to her that every time she doesn't mind me, I will have to spank her bottom, and then give her some love. Then, we return to the scene of the crime, where I make her help me put whatever she tore up back together, or if it can't be salvaged, we go to the trash can together and throw it away, and I tell her that it makes me sad to have throw -whatever- away. At first, it seemed like I spanked her 20 times a day, but lately, I only spank her once or twice a week now, if that. She minds me better in general and has not destroyed as much of our house as she used to.
The real test came a few weeks ago at my parents house. Their answering machine is in a location that is eye-level to my daughter, and she is always messing with the buttons. My mother has refused to let me discipline my daughter in her house, which I went along with (out of respect for my parents) until the last visit. My daughter went totally out of control, and would not stop pushing the answering machine buttons. I implemented the spanking strategy, over my mother's intense objections, and my daughter did not touch the answering machine again for the rest of our several hour visit.
This has worked for me, but I have had to be very consistent in implementing it, even when I was almost too tired, or didn't feel like having to drag my daughter out of the grocery store to the car, and then back in, or whatever. You might want to give it a try. I felt like I was at my wit's end about 7 or 8 months ago, with a 15 month old running the house, and this method of discipline has allowed me and my husband to regain control of our home. For the first few weeks, you may be spanking a whole lot, but as you regain control of the situation, you shouldn't have to spank so much.
cott
08-11-2002, 05:34 PM
Please don't take offense to this. Have you had your son tested for developmental delays? I work at a center that provides testing, therapy and dayhab (daycare) for children with delays and certain syndromes. A lot of his behavoir sounds as if it may be sensory related. You may consider getting in touch with a local Children's Hospital or Pediatric Center. Your Pediatrician should be able to make some referrals for your area. Speaking of Pediatricians, have you discussed your concerns with your sons doctor? That would be an excellent place to start.
Hope some of this helps. :)
Hope some of this helps. :)
Nicksmom
08-11-2002, 05:51 PM
kadree,
To me, it sounds like you just have an extremely busy boy. They don't call it the terriable two's for nothing. Then it goes into the horriable three's and finally they usually settle down by four. Just keep on him and give him alot of activities to do so he's occupied instead of distructive.
To me, it sounds like you just have an extremely busy boy. They don't call it the terriable two's for nothing. Then it goes into the horriable three's and finally they usually settle down by four. Just keep on him and give him alot of activities to do so he's occupied instead of distructive.
Kadree
08-13-2002, 05:13 PM
Thank you everyone for your replies. I am going to try the method of "spanking" that you have sggested.
I haven't spoken to his doc about it, I just figured that he was a busy kid. There seems to be no'delays' about him. That is the problem, he figures things out way too quickly-including how to manipulate mom. Next time we are at the doctor I will mention it to him. Thanks again
Kadree
I haven't spoken to his doc about it, I just figured that he was a busy kid. There seems to be no'delays' about him. That is the problem, he figures things out way too quickly-including how to manipulate mom. Next time we are at the doctor I will mention it to him. Thanks again
Kadree
Greenberry
08-13-2002, 09:07 PM
One other thing you might try is blocking off one or two rooms and completely child-proofing them. We have gates up and my daughter has the run of the living room and her bedroom and the hallway between. There is nothing in any of those places to hurt her other than the electrical sockets, which she has never touched. It is great peace of mind for me too, because I know if I leave the room for a minute or two, I will not come back and find something destroyed or suddenly hear her screaming as she hurts herself on something. And I NEVER leave her unsupervised with crayons, any other writing utensils, or food of any kind. Just some other suggestions I have thought of since my spanking post that might help you out...
*SoccerMom*
08-19-2002, 12:36 AM
Kadree~
I have 3 children-- the youngest is also 2 years old. I have so many problems with her that I never had with my other two children. I used to think that the problem with children with behavioral problems was lack of discipline....that was until I had her. She did everything earlier than my other two...AND THEN SOME! She does so much of the things that you talked about.....climbs wall, destroys blinds and shutters, marks on walls with anything she can find! I mean, she can mark on walls or try to destroy the wallpaper or even the chair rails! I don't know how to possibly childproof anything enough around her. She slammed the door back into the wall and knocked a hole in the wall where the bumper guard was!! I can watch her like a hawk but sometimes you have to leave the room and it is like a cyclone hits!
I really don't believe that spanking her would help. I have tried spanking her bottom, timeouts galore, rewarding good behavior and basically, having her with me every second! It is amazing to me how quickly she can destroy her room when she wakes up and how she can do so much damage without me hearing! :) A lot of people suggest that I have her MEDICATED. I guess I am waiting for the thank-goodness-she's-threes and the finally-she's-fours to provide my miracle! :) Until then, I am looking for a housekeeper!! ;) LOL
I have 3 children-- the youngest is also 2 years old. I have so many problems with her that I never had with my other two children. I used to think that the problem with children with behavioral problems was lack of discipline....that was until I had her. She did everything earlier than my other two...AND THEN SOME! She does so much of the things that you talked about.....climbs wall, destroys blinds and shutters, marks on walls with anything she can find! I mean, she can mark on walls or try to destroy the wallpaper or even the chair rails! I don't know how to possibly childproof anything enough around her. She slammed the door back into the wall and knocked a hole in the wall where the bumper guard was!! I can watch her like a hawk but sometimes you have to leave the room and it is like a cyclone hits!
I really don't believe that spanking her would help. I have tried spanking her bottom, timeouts galore, rewarding good behavior and basically, having her with me every second! It is amazing to me how quickly she can destroy her room when she wakes up and how she can do so much damage without me hearing! :) A lot of people suggest that I have her MEDICATED. I guess I am waiting for the thank-goodness-she's-threes and the finally-she's-fours to provide my miracle! :) Until then, I am looking for a housekeeper!! ;) LOL
magee
09-04-2002, 08:35 AM
Kadree,
How do you do your "time out" with your son?
How do you do your "time out" with your son?
Kadree
09-06-2002, 02:39 PM
Magee,
My time outs for my son are as follows:
A time out chair away from the activities going on in the house. If we are playing a game or coloring, he may chose to rip his sister's picture, but then he has 5 min in the time out chair where he sits, and cannot get up until his time is up.
I never did this until my friend did this at her daycare with children that were misbehaving. It worked so well! Instead of physically punishing them or yelling at them, I find that he finds it alot more bothersome to be left out of the activities for a few minutes.
Kadree
My time outs for my son are as follows:
A time out chair away from the activities going on in the house. If we are playing a game or coloring, he may chose to rip his sister's picture, but then he has 5 min in the time out chair where he sits, and cannot get up until his time is up.
I never did this until my friend did this at her daycare with children that were misbehaving. It worked so well! Instead of physically punishing them or yelling at them, I find that he finds it alot more bothersome to be left out of the activities for a few minutes.
Kadree
magee
09-08-2002, 11:13 AM
Hey Kadree,
My time outs were pretty much the same, also, the child had to remain silent. I would tell them they can't get out of time out until they did their time without making any noise. If they said something, their time would start over again. Also, they can't have any toys or anything while they're in time out. There's nothing worse than total boredom.
My time outs were pretty much the same, also, the child had to remain silent. I would tell them they can't get out of time out until they did their time without making any noise. If they said something, their time would start over again. Also, they can't have any toys or anything while they're in time out. There's nothing worse than total boredom.
lagniappe
10-04-2002, 12:27 AM
Contrary to most opinions by Pediatricians, sugar CAN cause misbehavior. So can numerous food allergies, dairy products, wheat, eggs, sugar, food dye, peanut butter, etc. Sugar is a major cause of hyperactivity in children. As an experiment, I took ALL sugar away from my 8 and 11 year olds for 2 weeks. I then gave them each a single dip of vanilla ice cream. They went biserk and each got 2 spankings in a 30 minute period! Check your kiddos' diets, and eliminate one thing at a time. If there is no change in your child's behavior, let them continue eating that food and stop something else. I spent many years at learning disabilities conferences and diet is a major contributor to the problems ya'll are experiencing! Hope this helps!
mushroom1
11-09-2002, 09:03 PM
Two year olds do not know right from wrong. Please never spank any child, let alone a two year old!!!
mushroom1
11-09-2002, 09:03 PM
Two year olds do not know right from wrong. Please never spank any child, let alone a two year old!!!
mushroom1
11-09-2002, 09:04 PM
Two year olds do not know right from wrong. Please never spank any child, let alone a two year old!!!
Chelle1977
11-12-2002, 01:20 PM
I was actually going to suggest that maybe he's developing FASTER than average and that you might consider purchasing him toys designed for older children that require building/destroying. Obviously, you'll have to make sure he doesn't put small pieces in his mouth, but he might just need a little extra input. Maybe he's bored?
DSW67
12-04-2002, 09:59 AM
I agree with Chelle, it sounds to me like you have a very intelligent child that bores easily. Get him involved with structured activities that will keep his hands busy in a constructive way.
I did spank my children when they were little, I don't anymore, there are more effective ways of punishing them now. When they were little time outs did not work at all. Spankings got there attention, they knew they messed up and to straighten up. Two year old do know right from wrong.
Deb
I did spank my children when they were little, I don't anymore, there are more effective ways of punishing them now. When they were little time outs did not work at all. Spankings got there attention, they knew they messed up and to straighten up. Two year old do know right from wrong.
Deb
Greenberry
12-04-2002, 04:32 PM
I have found that spankings work very well for my daughter as well, when I can use them. She really doesn't mind sitting in time-out. I have put her in time-out, and she just sits there quietly, and then goes and plays like nothing has happened. I don't think punishment is effective unless a child actually knows that they are being punished and dislikes the punishment.
Cheryl3
01-19-2003, 09:27 PM
2-year-olds definitely know right from wrong! In fact, this awareness starts at approximately 12-15 months. I'm not advocating spanking for parents who are uncomfortable with it, but the bottom line is that children need to learn that mom and dad are the boss. Whatever it takes to instill that notion in your individual child is what you need to do. Our function as parents is to protect our children. If a child ignores your commands, this is a big problem and ultimately his safety is in jeopardy. A healthy fear of disobeying mom and dad is one of the best gifts we can give our children. I know that's how I lived to be an adult :)
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
msrivers
01-23-2003, 02:46 PM
He's two for goodness sakes!! Don't take this wrong, please don't, but he is STILL JUST A BABY!!! I am going through the "terrible two's" with my third child. She is by far the most active child I have ever had. Each child is different and you have to parent them to suit their individual needs. What worked for my son and other daughter doesn't always work with Sara. She has earned the nickname busy body in our family for SURE!! This might sound far fetched, but I childproofed the places I didn't want her getting into. Then I placed a call to the local grocery store where they save the BIG sturdy cardboard boxes for me.
I save the empty toilet paper and paper towel rolls. I throw all of this together in the living room, which is childproofed, and she can rip and tear and destroy to her hearts content. Of course I don't know if this will work for every child, but Sara thinks it is the cat's meow. When she gets too tired and starts throwing her tantrums, or doesn't get her way and starts throwing a tantrum, we place her in her crib until she calms down. I ignore the stares and strange looks I get when we go out in public and she gets cranky. Who cares anyway? She is just a baby. She isn't doing it to be malicious or hurt anybody, she is just testing her boundaries, being a baby, doing what she is supposed to do. I don't know if any of this helped, but I have learned to try to keep things in perspective.
I save the empty toilet paper and paper towel rolls. I throw all of this together in the living room, which is childproofed, and she can rip and tear and destroy to her hearts content. Of course I don't know if this will work for every child, but Sara thinks it is the cat's meow. When she gets too tired and starts throwing her tantrums, or doesn't get her way and starts throwing a tantrum, we place her in her crib until she calms down. I ignore the stares and strange looks I get when we go out in public and she gets cranky. Who cares anyway? She is just a baby. She isn't doing it to be malicious or hurt anybody, she is just testing her boundaries, being a baby, doing what she is supposed to do. I don't know if any of this helped, but I have learned to try to keep things in perspective.
*SoccerMom*
01-23-2003, 04:09 PM
Hey Kadree~
Are things getting any easier? It has been about 5 months since your original post so hopefully things are getting easier. Things are better around here with my 3 yr old "cyclone"....each day gets easier!
Are things getting any easier? It has been about 5 months since your original post so hopefully things are getting easier. Things are better around here with my 3 yr old "cyclone"....each day gets easier!