~Tamrock~
10-14-2002, 04:28 PM
Please give me some advise! My oldest is 7, my youngest 3...and they both sleep with me, their dad gets really mad about it so I end up on the livingroom floor with lots of blankets and pillows for a bed. I have done this with my kids for 7 years, I've spanked (don't like to) I've let them fall asleep in the bed with me and then mooved them to theirs, I feel like I have tried everything. I let them cry in their room hoping they would just fall asleep, but my daughter cried so long she got a bloody nose, how does that happen, so I don't make them cry any more. What do you think? Desperate!
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~Tamrock~
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~Tamrock~
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Greenberry
10-14-2002, 05:33 PM
At that age, I really don't know what to advise. I guess I would let them cry and keep crying, and if they get a bloody nose, go clean them up and put them back in their room. They are used to wearing you down, and at their ages, it will take a WHOLE LOT of firmness to break them of their behavior. I wish I could help you more, but I have no really good advice.
mlgable
10-19-2002, 02:34 PM
You need to tell them that they need to sleep in their own beds at night now and put them there. If they crawl into your bed during the night take them back to their own beds and get them settled in. EVERY time the come into your bed you need to return them to their own bed. After while they will get the message that their bed is meant for sleeping in and yours in meant for you to sleep in. If they don't feel well try sleeping on their floor beside their bed instead of letting them into your bed. They do not need to be spanked or punished for coming into your bed as they didn't do anything wrong but they do need to be taken to their own bed so that they get the idea of who's bed is whose.
Marie55
10-22-2002, 12:04 PM
Allowing children to sleep in bed with you for that many years created a deep bonding with mom, therefore, the children are "clinging" to their mom. It will take patience, love and understanding of this before they will adapt to their new sleeping arrangements.
This is not an issue for allowing them to cry their eyes out or to spank. This is a traumatic disruption to their life and need all the love and patience possible.
Make their room very attractive, include them in maybe painting the walls or "fixin" the room up pretty. My daughter painted the walls with a sponge using 2 colors (light blue & white) to create a sky/cloud look (no it is not perfect but their little hands helped make the room special for them). The little girls (2 & 4, had always slept with mom/dad) helped and this made it "their" room, something they helped to create. The twin beds were pushed together and this made room for mommy to lie down with them for story time or talk time. A time with mom, prayer time, etc. before going to sleep.
If the children come to your bed during the night, return them to their bed and lie down with them for a while until they drift off to sleep. Over time they will adapt. They will adapt without feeling they have been tossed out on their ears. They will know mommy is still there for them.
You cannot allow children to sleep with you for 7 years then yank the rug right out from under them without them feeling like their mom has abandonded them.
Yes, it is understandable that dad does not like this arrangement. However, during thunderstorms or when children become frightened, it is fine to allow them in bed with you to calm them (even pets jump in bed with owners at these times), make them feel safe, then as soon as it is over go back to their room by themselves or you go with them, spend time with them until they are settled and then return to your own bed.
Love, patience, gentle encouragement is the key to success with children of this age.
The way you handle things now will determine a lot the type relationship you will have with adult children later on. They have a memory better than an elephant!!
Marie (mom of 5 adult children)
This is not an issue for allowing them to cry their eyes out or to spank. This is a traumatic disruption to their life and need all the love and patience possible.
Make their room very attractive, include them in maybe painting the walls or "fixin" the room up pretty. My daughter painted the walls with a sponge using 2 colors (light blue & white) to create a sky/cloud look (no it is not perfect but their little hands helped make the room special for them). The little girls (2 & 4, had always slept with mom/dad) helped and this made it "their" room, something they helped to create. The twin beds were pushed together and this made room for mommy to lie down with them for story time or talk time. A time with mom, prayer time, etc. before going to sleep.
If the children come to your bed during the night, return them to their bed and lie down with them for a while until they drift off to sleep. Over time they will adapt. They will adapt without feeling they have been tossed out on their ears. They will know mommy is still there for them.
You cannot allow children to sleep with you for 7 years then yank the rug right out from under them without them feeling like their mom has abandonded them.
Yes, it is understandable that dad does not like this arrangement. However, during thunderstorms or when children become frightened, it is fine to allow them in bed with you to calm them (even pets jump in bed with owners at these times), make them feel safe, then as soon as it is over go back to their room by themselves or you go with them, spend time with them until they are settled and then return to your own bed.
Love, patience, gentle encouragement is the key to success with children of this age.
The way you handle things now will determine a lot the type relationship you will have with adult children later on. They have a memory better than an elephant!!
Marie (mom of 5 adult children)
mushroom1
10-28-2002, 02:22 PM
It sounds like you have been very inconsistent! I agree with Marie...please don't spank them anymore. Be gentle and realize YOU have created this situation.
You could do so many things to fix this...but this is what I would do (If I didn't want to sleep with them, BUT I love to sleep with my children)
I would announce "In three days, you are going to start sleeping in your own beds every night. We are going to have bath time, story time songs and then tuck -in time. I will leave a lamp on and you will each have a cup of water." (Maybe buy a new special cup?)
Then, I would do all of this and get a chair and sit right outside of their room (where they can not see you, but know you are there) until they are asleep. If they wake up and cry, I would put them back to bed and hug them, again staying in the hall until they are asleep.
I think after a few weeks of consistency, they will accept the new routine. Good - luck.
You could do so many things to fix this...but this is what I would do (If I didn't want to sleep with them, BUT I love to sleep with my children)
I would announce "In three days, you are going to start sleeping in your own beds every night. We are going to have bath time, story time songs and then tuck -in time. I will leave a lamp on and you will each have a cup of water." (Maybe buy a new special cup?)
Then, I would do all of this and get a chair and sit right outside of their room (where they can not see you, but know you are there) until they are asleep. If they wake up and cry, I would put them back to bed and hug them, again staying in the hall until they are asleep.
I think after a few weeks of consistency, they will accept the new routine. Good - luck.
pacu
12-11-2002, 06:33 PM
Well I sure understand what you all moms say and think about this, but coming from a husband's point of view, and I'll try and not sound selfish about this matter or inconsiderate either, but my youngest son who is 3, has gotten into this habbit because my wife has gotten him into it, let me explain, everytime its bed time, she would go and lay down with him until he would fall asleep, as soon as she would gets off his bed he would wake up, so she would either lay back down with him or bring him into our bed, and thats how this all started, now he doesnt sleep in his bed at all. She's the one who started this all, not my son. Most of the time I end up sleeping in his bed. I dont even get to make love to my wife in the comfort of my own bed, we have to go to the livingroom in the sofa, while the little guy is in my warm bed...I hope this doesnt sound like im just complaining here but this is a real problem. Give me my bed back!
Steve
Steve
memyselfandi
12-17-2002, 02:22 PM
I know you will receive conflicting answers here, so you'll just need to take what you want and throw away the rest of the advice.
I have a 14 year old son who slept often with my husband and I until he was about 4- then poof, he started sleeping in his own bed all the time. He will still sit with us on occassion, but he's way past the huggy kissy stage.
Our daughter on the other hand is 11 and still sleeps with us frequently. From our point of view you have to understand... we both work very long hours and don't have much time with the kids. When we lay down at night to watch tv (yes, in our bdrm) it's a warm and comfy cuddle time. We talk about school, friends, what we're gonna do on the weekend etc. I get to lay next to her and remember the past, present and what she might hold for the future. Our kids are not traumatized nor spoiled, and this is our special time with them.
We have told them.. no, tonight you have to sleep in your own room and at this age, they don't fight.
Also, thank goodness we have a king size bed, with 2 adults, 1 child, 2 poodles a 100 pound rottweiler and a 130 pound german shepherd, all in the same bed, we'd never fit in a smaller one!
You need to decide what is right and appropriate for your family. What ever you decide, consistancy will be the key.
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[This message has been edited by memyselfandi (edited 12-17-2002).]
I have a 14 year old son who slept often with my husband and I until he was about 4- then poof, he started sleeping in his own bed all the time. He will still sit with us on occassion, but he's way past the huggy kissy stage.
Our daughter on the other hand is 11 and still sleeps with us frequently. From our point of view you have to understand... we both work very long hours and don't have much time with the kids. When we lay down at night to watch tv (yes, in our bdrm) it's a warm and comfy cuddle time. We talk about school, friends, what we're gonna do on the weekend etc. I get to lay next to her and remember the past, present and what she might hold for the future. Our kids are not traumatized nor spoiled, and this is our special time with them.
We have told them.. no, tonight you have to sleep in your own room and at this age, they don't fight.
Also, thank goodness we have a king size bed, with 2 adults, 1 child, 2 poodles a 100 pound rottweiler and a 130 pound german shepherd, all in the same bed, we'd never fit in a smaller one!
You need to decide what is right and appropriate for your family. What ever you decide, consistancy will be the key.
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[This message has been edited by memyselfandi (edited 12-17-2002).]
mommyof5
01-23-2003, 10:39 PM
Being a mommy of 5 I've had many shared nights in bed with my kids. Frankly I can't sleep with them there, I wish sometimes I could because they can be so snuggly! They all seemed to start coming to my bed once they were out of their cribs (between 2 and 2 1/2) and it seemed to end around 5. My youngest (almost 3) can't do it because I put up a gate in the hallway, if he gets up in the night he doesn't usually get out of bed anyway, he just cries. We tend to him and then back to bed. In the morning he comes out to the hallway and calls for us. As far as my first 4 whenever they came to my bed we just took them for a drink, a pee and back to bed, not to say it was always easy but it worked in the end and was a long process. They are 11 1/2, 8 1/2, 7 and 6 and now only come to my bed if they've had bad dreams or are sick or something hurts. We have let them know they can always come to us but they are to sleep in their own beds. Hopes this helps a little
P.S. 2 more things
1) If they have the flu (vomiting etc.) then we camp out in the living room, child on one very well protected coach with a bucket on the floor and daddy on the other couch.(I can't sleep on the couch due to back problems but hubby will come get me if need be)
2)we've had excessive ear infections with our children that are extremely painful even after giving tempra or tylonal, so in that case I have let the affected child sleep with me in bed (hubby ends up on the couch), but really in that case there hasn't been much sleep, mostly holding and comforting the crying child.
again I hope this helps.
mommyof5
P.S. 2 more things
1) If they have the flu (vomiting etc.) then we camp out in the living room, child on one very well protected coach with a bucket on the floor and daddy on the other couch.(I can't sleep on the couch due to back problems but hubby will come get me if need be)
2)we've had excessive ear infections with our children that are extremely painful even after giving tempra or tylonal, so in that case I have let the affected child sleep with me in bed (hubby ends up on the couch), but really in that case there hasn't been much sleep, mostly holding and comforting the crying child.
again I hope this helps.
mommyof5
i need a name
02-04-2003, 10:50 PM
My 2cents...
Our son just turned 8 a few months ago and would come and get in our bed at night. I would be the one that ended up getting ticked off. Hubby didn't seem to mind. He is very close to his son. ( I am fine with that.) But I am very stingy with my bed....
What I did was tell them BOTH they can have 30 minutes of time together before DS has to go to bed. It took about a week before he got the message, but now he only comes in when he wakes up in the night and daddy takes him back to his own bed.
Now if I could remove the dogs*rolls eyes*
Our son just turned 8 a few months ago and would come and get in our bed at night. I would be the one that ended up getting ticked off. Hubby didn't seem to mind. He is very close to his son. ( I am fine with that.) But I am very stingy with my bed....
What I did was tell them BOTH they can have 30 minutes of time together before DS has to go to bed. It took about a week before he got the message, but now he only comes in when he wakes up in the night and daddy takes him back to his own bed.
Now if I could remove the dogs*rolls eyes*
rainflower
02-05-2003, 03:33 AM
What a great topic...love it and the responses!!
When I was still married my sons slept with us so as I didnt have to be near husband at the time..I used it to snuggle with them but also to keep a cushion so as not to accidentally touch him...just a thought.
When the boys and I moved out on our own they slept with me every nite..and I loved it..watching them sleep,listening to them snore....snuggling. And then...after about 3 months I realized I hadnt slept soundly and I was majorly sleep deprived..yikes.
So I explained that they needed to sleep in their own beds so I could rest,and so they could rest.
They have tons of stuffed animals(babies) to sleep with, along with a cat (sister) each. In their bedroom they arent allowed to have toys just books and babies. They have flashlites, a lighted mobile, nightlites and a radio that quietly plays classical music all night long. They sleep awesome..and on weekends that I dont work..they take turns sleeping with me during the occasional nap time. Also we watch movies all three of us snuggled in my bed...so we still have our special snuggles.
They are 10 & almost 7 and they adapted really well. Of course we had major life changes so it may have been easier for us..moving and all.
Good luck, sometimes I miss rolling over and smooching them in the middle of the nite...but mostly I just love sleeping in a completely dark room with my door shut, with no kids, no cats to interrupt my sleep...and I sleep clear thru until my alarm..ahhhhh.
I didnt even realize I was sleep deprived until I actually slept one night all the way thru...sheesh.
It just comes down to the basic fact of needing good sleep to get thru your day and allow you to be a great mom. Plus....daddy most likely needs you to himself...take care. Sleep Sweet..
When I was still married my sons slept with us so as I didnt have to be near husband at the time..I used it to snuggle with them but also to keep a cushion so as not to accidentally touch him...just a thought.
When the boys and I moved out on our own they slept with me every nite..and I loved it..watching them sleep,listening to them snore....snuggling. And then...after about 3 months I realized I hadnt slept soundly and I was majorly sleep deprived..yikes.
So I explained that they needed to sleep in their own beds so I could rest,and so they could rest.
They have tons of stuffed animals(babies) to sleep with, along with a cat (sister) each. In their bedroom they arent allowed to have toys just books and babies. They have flashlites, a lighted mobile, nightlites and a radio that quietly plays classical music all night long. They sleep awesome..and on weekends that I dont work..they take turns sleeping with me during the occasional nap time. Also we watch movies all three of us snuggled in my bed...so we still have our special snuggles.
They are 10 & almost 7 and they adapted really well. Of course we had major life changes so it may have been easier for us..moving and all.
Good luck, sometimes I miss rolling over and smooching them in the middle of the nite...but mostly I just love sleeping in a completely dark room with my door shut, with no kids, no cats to interrupt my sleep...and I sleep clear thru until my alarm..ahhhhh.
I didnt even realize I was sleep deprived until I actually slept one night all the way thru...sheesh.
It just comes down to the basic fact of needing good sleep to get thru your day and allow you to be a great mom. Plus....daddy most likely needs you to himself...take care. Sleep Sweet..