Cheryl3
11-27-2002, 12:54 AM
Thanks for all the great replies! :)
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
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2mmk
11-27-2002, 09:21 AM
Cheryl first of all your not a terrible mom for working and your not alone!!!!! Believe me I know your frustrations!!! I go through similiar situation with three kids, I work outside the home and my husband also has his own business, so if or when there is any free time I'm suppose to do business book work. I'm very interested to see other suggestions as well. The only suggestion I have and it works now and then, is to cook alot with the crock-pot or do alot of grilling. Quick and easy during the week and I try to do a little more elaboriate meals on the weekends. (I'm fortunate to have weekends off). As far as house chores, my two older children are able to get off the bus after school at our house (I have a 10yr old girl & 7yr old boy-and my parents live next door) they each have one or two things to do: empty dishwasher, set table I also taught my daughter laundry!! - they are little jobs but help out tremendously!!! Also, my 7yr old son loves to cook?!!! So stirring, supervised cutting (potatoes), peeling, he helps out also. Now my 2yr old boy, - I try to involve him, but no luck, I go through: my son just basically wanting attention from me because I have been away all day thing. It is so hard to keep your cool because, and I have to remind myself, it is not his fault he just wants to see me. I have reverting to movies but sometimes he will sit for 10minutes and watch a short episode of Barney, Teletubbies or Bob the Builder I find myself running ragged!! Hang in there, remember someday it will get better (that is want keeps me half sane), and then they be grown and gone then a whole new set of emotions will evolve, but again I'm very interested also in any helpful advice!!!!
Lady^
11-27-2002, 10:04 AM
Hi. I don't have any kids, but I was wondering if he would behave for the promise he wants/likes later on? For example, maybe put off reading to him until after dinner, telling him that you will read him a book only if he behaves while you're in the kitchen. This way the choice is his....he can behave now and have a book read to him later, or he can misbehave now and not have a book read to him later. Or use something else that he likes.
Greenberry
11-27-2002, 10:47 AM
My only solution was to put up a big baby gate across the huge opening between the living room and kitchen. When my daughter first started crawling around, it would drive me insane when she went and started pulling EVERYTHING out of the kitchen cabinets, so we got a big gate and she now has free run of her bedroom and the living room and the hallway between. I am free to cross the gate and cook without worrying about her getting underfoot, and there is a place at one of the counters (kind of a "breakfast bar" between the kitchen and living/dining room) where she has learned to pull out a chair from the dining room table and stand up in it and watch me cook, but without getting into everything. Sometimes I let her do things like dump things out of the cans or help me stir, but I'd really prefer that she observe from afar for the time being (she is 2 yrs 2 months.)
Cheryl3
11-27-2002, 12:16 PM
Thank you so much for the suggestions. The best part is to know that I'm not alone!!!! I think sometimes I get so caught up in the heat of the moment and trying to please everyone NOW that I can't think of logical solutions. I'd love to hear more!
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Cheryl
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Cheryl
mushroom1
11-27-2002, 04:36 PM
Maybe you could get up early on Sunday morning and make several of the weeks dinners...lots of things freeze well or keep in the fridge for days.
Like, Lasagna, homemade soup, casseroles...
Then, make some bread using a bread machine...many recipes let you use a timer, so it will start making delicious bread while you are still at work. Then when you get home, you just pop the lasagna in the oven or heat up the soup etc. and serve it with warm nutritious homemade bread and a salad (if you have time)
Then you could have "sandwich night" (served with a microwaved potato) and "going out night" Even "husband cooks night"
I don't work and my husband makes veggie burgers and homemade fries every Wednesday night. Hint. Hint. Husband, are you listening?
Good luck to you.
Like, Lasagna, homemade soup, casseroles...
Then, make some bread using a bread machine...many recipes let you use a timer, so it will start making delicious bread while you are still at work. Then when you get home, you just pop the lasagna in the oven or heat up the soup etc. and serve it with warm nutritious homemade bread and a salad (if you have time)
Then you could have "sandwich night" (served with a microwaved potato) and "going out night" Even "husband cooks night"
I don't work and my husband makes veggie burgers and homemade fries every Wednesday night. Hint. Hint. Husband, are you listening?
Good luck to you.
Chelle1977
12-02-2002, 06:14 PM
Well, I'm not even a parent, but it seems like to me a kid is going to do what s/he thinks s/he can get away with. So, if you pander to your 2 year old by reading several books, then he's going to act up and expect that every single time. I hate the idea of letting a child cry, but sometimes I think you just have to.
And you arne't a horrible person for working. Its a fact of life for many families. Oh, and I'd tell your 8 year old to chill out too. Take the time to change your clothes and wash your face and THEN start dinner.
Oh yeah, I'm all about prep the night before or crock-pot dinners. I like to mix up casseroles the night before and then they just have to be heated up when I get home. And I don't even have kids! *lol*
And you arne't a horrible person for working. Its a fact of life for many families. Oh, and I'd tell your 8 year old to chill out too. Take the time to change your clothes and wash your face and THEN start dinner.
Oh yeah, I'm all about prep the night before or crock-pot dinners. I like to mix up casseroles the night before and then they just have to be heated up when I get home. And I don't even have kids! *lol*
Melamom
12-09-2002, 10:42 AM
You need to start using a slow cooker more for meals that are done and ready when you do get home from work. How about putting on a video for the kids while you get the dishes on the table or better yet can you have the dishes out and let the kids help set the table while you finish up the last things needed for the meal. Also you mention your son being 8.......why not ask if he will treat you to a book reading and have him read to you while you finish up the meal. Praise him for doing this and make it seem like a big deal to him and you will be surprised at how proud he will feel. Cooking things ahead of time on the weekends and freezing them is also a great suggestion. I also think at age 8 that child can also help in preparing the meal by tearing lettuce for a salad or getting out the bread and butter, opening a can of vegetables and that sort of thing. Hope some of these suggestions work.
jazzgal
01-17-2003, 11:59 AM
There were a lot of good suggestions here-cooking some meals ahead so that you're not faced with preparing something from scratch every evening, freezing things like lasagna or soups or making a casserole the night before so that all you have to do is pop it in the oven (I do that often!) Try to get your kids to help-at age 7 and 8 they are more than old enough to set the table, put glasses out, make a salad, get the dressings and condiments on the table etc. Maybe you could give your 2 yr old a pot with some water in it to stir, or let him/her also help with the table setting (one thing at a time, a 2 year old can take a container of sour cream or plastic bottle of dressing to the table). For the child that is really hungry while waiting for dinner, a small snack in the car (carrot stics, slices of apple etc.) might do the trick, or if not in the car, then when he first comes home.
Good luck-using the grill, the crock pot and the microwave really do help cut down on the time spent on meal preparation (also, kids can help clear the table as well as set it-tell them they'll get a story or offer to play a board game with them if you get things cleaned up quickly).
Kim
Good luck-using the grill, the crock pot and the microwave really do help cut down on the time spent on meal preparation (also, kids can help clear the table as well as set it-tell them they'll get a story or offer to play a board game with them if you get things cleaned up quickly).
Kim
H.Kondriac
03-16-2003, 11:03 PM
I would just get into the habit of reading him bedtime stories every night right before he goes to bed. It might be rough at first but soon he will learn the schedule. If he asks for them when you get home from work tell him that you will read to him later on that night. Be consistent.
familyfull
03-19-2003, 08:17 PM
Cheryl3, I don't know how you do it!!!
My opinion is that all mothers are working mothers! We have these 24 hour, 7 days a week job. We don't get weekends OR holidays. I sometimes envy mothers who have a job that takes them outside the home because I think at least they get a break from the kids. You get at least a lunch break I hope. I am in no way discounting your situation though. I don't work outside the home and even I feel that I can't keep up with all of the demands. My husband just dresses (and sometimes he can't even do that), bathes, feeds himself and goes to work. That's it (it's a lot too though - the pressure on him must be great). I do EVERYTHING ELSE. Yes, even the taxes, his 401K, bills, investing, refinancing the house, insurance stuff, yard, raising the kids and all the other stuff that goes into running a household. And I am sure that a lot of mothers that work outside the home do these things as well.
It seems that anytime I walk into the kitchen to prepare something both of my sons (3 1/2 & 2) swarm about my body. They're hungry, want my attention, fighting with each other wanting me to break it up, they want to help cook. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I just had to vent there for a second.
By the way, I love all of the previous suggestions!!!Maybe your husband can help out on the weekends while you prepare a whole bunch of make ahead dinners? I tend to make dinners that will guarantee leftovers for the next night. And you know what, the menu tends to be repetative if I know it is something the kids will eat.
You say your husband gets home at 7pm, but your kids are hungry when you get home. Maybe there is a way to kind of rearrange the timeline a little bit when you arrive home. I am making the assumption that you get home from work and picking up the 2 yr old say around 5pm? Maybe you have healthy snacks to feed them right when you get home (peanut butter crackers; cheese & crackers?) that way you could change your clothes. You could sit and pay attention to them while they have a quick snack; perhaps read a story whatever until 6pm?
Here's the tricky part...Preparing dinner @ 6pm with the 2 yr old. Hmmmm.. while you are doing this would s/he be satisfied playing with play-doh? or coloring at the table while you are cooking? Or let the 2 yr old play with a cup in the sink filled with a little water? Build legos on the kitchen floor? My 2 yr old gets the placemats and utensils out and "sets" the table for me. If you're really lucky, your 2 yr old will sit for a movie if s/he was satisfied with the attention during snack/story time.
If you have the financial resources, take some of the household burdens off of yourself. Hire a housekeeper or a gardener or at the very least have your car detailed.
Does any of this help?
By the way, saw a speaker, Rick Hanson Ph.D., who wrote the book "Mother Nurture" who said that facts (this is based on science) show that the mother's health (mentally, physically, emotionally) is at its lowest point 2 yrs after the birth of a child. That's when the world seems unmanageable to the mother. She REALLY is totally DEPLETED. This book focuses on the MOTHER and how to take care of this person and her relationships. Sometimes it just helps knowning we are not crazy for feeling the way we do sometimes and there are valid reasons why we end up feeling like our world is upside down. lol.
My opinion is that all mothers are working mothers! We have these 24 hour, 7 days a week job. We don't get weekends OR holidays. I sometimes envy mothers who have a job that takes them outside the home because I think at least they get a break from the kids. You get at least a lunch break I hope. I am in no way discounting your situation though. I don't work outside the home and even I feel that I can't keep up with all of the demands. My husband just dresses (and sometimes he can't even do that), bathes, feeds himself and goes to work. That's it (it's a lot too though - the pressure on him must be great). I do EVERYTHING ELSE. Yes, even the taxes, his 401K, bills, investing, refinancing the house, insurance stuff, yard, raising the kids and all the other stuff that goes into running a household. And I am sure that a lot of mothers that work outside the home do these things as well.
It seems that anytime I walk into the kitchen to prepare something both of my sons (3 1/2 & 2) swarm about my body. They're hungry, want my attention, fighting with each other wanting me to break it up, they want to help cook. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I just had to vent there for a second.
By the way, I love all of the previous suggestions!!!Maybe your husband can help out on the weekends while you prepare a whole bunch of make ahead dinners? I tend to make dinners that will guarantee leftovers for the next night. And you know what, the menu tends to be repetative if I know it is something the kids will eat.
You say your husband gets home at 7pm, but your kids are hungry when you get home. Maybe there is a way to kind of rearrange the timeline a little bit when you arrive home. I am making the assumption that you get home from work and picking up the 2 yr old say around 5pm? Maybe you have healthy snacks to feed them right when you get home (peanut butter crackers; cheese & crackers?) that way you could change your clothes. You could sit and pay attention to them while they have a quick snack; perhaps read a story whatever until 6pm?
Here's the tricky part...Preparing dinner @ 6pm with the 2 yr old. Hmmmm.. while you are doing this would s/he be satisfied playing with play-doh? or coloring at the table while you are cooking? Or let the 2 yr old play with a cup in the sink filled with a little water? Build legos on the kitchen floor? My 2 yr old gets the placemats and utensils out and "sets" the table for me. If you're really lucky, your 2 yr old will sit for a movie if s/he was satisfied with the attention during snack/story time.
If you have the financial resources, take some of the household burdens off of yourself. Hire a housekeeper or a gardener or at the very least have your car detailed.
Does any of this help?
By the way, saw a speaker, Rick Hanson Ph.D., who wrote the book "Mother Nurture" who said that facts (this is based on science) show that the mother's health (mentally, physically, emotionally) is at its lowest point 2 yrs after the birth of a child. That's when the world seems unmanageable to the mother. She REALLY is totally DEPLETED. This book focuses on the MOTHER and how to take care of this person and her relationships. Sometimes it just helps knowning we are not crazy for feeling the way we do sometimes and there are valid reasons why we end up feeling like our world is upside down. lol.
Cheryl3
03-19-2003, 09:44 PM
Thanks, it is so great to hear other mom's suggestions! I think that sometimes when you are in the middle of a stressful situation, you are not as creative in generating ideas. I can always think of suggestions for my friends' dilemmas, but never for my own!
And yes, familyfull, it is nice to be able to work sometimes ;). It is the only way I can run errands, go to the grocery store, etc. I usually just don't eat lunch or eat a protein bar on the go so I can use that time to get something accomplished or do something for myself. I feel like I am pulled in so many different directions, but I do feel that it is even harder when you don't work outside of the home. I basically have 10 weeks off in the summer, and despite all of my grand plans to clean up, organize and redecorate my home, nothing ever gets accomplished except day-to-day survival! I think it's even harder to keep a house clean when you are there with the kids all day. At the end of the day, I would look around at the mess and feel so unproductive, even though I'd been working my tail off all day! At least at work I feel like I am getting something done, and if I don't get it done, I can walk away from it at least until the next morning. Not so with motherhood! But I do have a lot of fun with the kids in the summer, which is more important than a clean house!
My husband and I have talked about having someone come in to clean the house, and I think I could talk him into it, but I would be too embarrassed because I don't think I could even manage to get the place picked up enough for anyone to clean it! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif
Oh well, maybe someday! :)
And yes, familyfull, it is nice to be able to work sometimes ;). It is the only way I can run errands, go to the grocery store, etc. I usually just don't eat lunch or eat a protein bar on the go so I can use that time to get something accomplished or do something for myself. I feel like I am pulled in so many different directions, but I do feel that it is even harder when you don't work outside of the home. I basically have 10 weeks off in the summer, and despite all of my grand plans to clean up, organize and redecorate my home, nothing ever gets accomplished except day-to-day survival! I think it's even harder to keep a house clean when you are there with the kids all day. At the end of the day, I would look around at the mess and feel so unproductive, even though I'd been working my tail off all day! At least at work I feel like I am getting something done, and if I don't get it done, I can walk away from it at least until the next morning. Not so with motherhood! But I do have a lot of fun with the kids in the summer, which is more important than a clean house!
My husband and I have talked about having someone come in to clean the house, and I think I could talk him into it, but I would be too embarrassed because I don't think I could even manage to get the place picked up enough for anyone to clean it! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif
Oh well, maybe someday! :)