mummyboo
03-04-2003, 02:54 AM
My 9 year old son has been bullied on and off by the same kid for 2 years. We have just started a new school year and although things are much better (they are in different classes) he's been physically hurt twice by this child. Nothing major - just pushing. He stood up for himself both times and told the teacher, but somehow this little rotter gets away with it every time.
The other thing that really gets up MY nose is that they are always calling him gay. For 2 years now they have been saying this. I have told the teachers and they have brushed it off by saying that "Gay" is the new IN word instead of "jerk" or other trendy put downs. Twice this year children have said to my son that he prefers boys to girls - and those kinds of comments that imply that they KNOW exactly what they are saying, and use the word intentionally.
Let me just add that although I would worry about their lives being more difficult - my children's sexual preferences wouldn't concern me at all. My definition of "gay or homosexual" to them has always been, "If you are homosexual, when you fall in love, it's with a person of the same gender." I am concerned because of the bullying issue he isn't very confident making friends and I don't want potential friends to be worried about being called gay also.
Now the question: Should I do something about it, like talk to the deputy principal? Or just support and reassure him from home?
The other thing that really gets up MY nose is that they are always calling him gay. For 2 years now they have been saying this. I have told the teachers and they have brushed it off by saying that "Gay" is the new IN word instead of "jerk" or other trendy put downs. Twice this year children have said to my son that he prefers boys to girls - and those kinds of comments that imply that they KNOW exactly what they are saying, and use the word intentionally.
Let me just add that although I would worry about their lives being more difficult - my children's sexual preferences wouldn't concern me at all. My definition of "gay or homosexual" to them has always been, "If you are homosexual, when you fall in love, it's with a person of the same gender." I am concerned because of the bullying issue he isn't very confident making friends and I don't want potential friends to be worried about being called gay also.
Now the question: Should I do something about it, like talk to the deputy principal? Or just support and reassure him from home?
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LookingForHealth
03-04-2003, 04:35 AM
You might want to check out dr phil, there was a bullying episode last week, its serious.
mlgable
03-04-2003, 10:49 AM
I would be sure that the head of your son's school is aware of what is going on both with the bullying and the kids using the word gay when they full well know what they are saying. As for your son lacking confidence would he be interested in karate lessons or some other type of weekly activity? They say karate helps build character and confidence. Continue to support your son at home and let him know that he can come to you at any time if there are problems either at school or at home. I am painfully aware of how the perptrator often doesn't get the just punishment and instead it is like the good kid gets punished. A classmate of my daughters recently wrecked her school project and when I asked if her if she told the teacher she said yes but the teacher told her she would just have to fix it. It was due the next day and I was at work that evening and my husband was at his night class so no one could have even taken her out to buy supplies had she needed any to fix it. I felt like my daughter was being punished so to speak when she did nothing wrong.
Chelle1977
03-04-2003, 12:35 PM
If the teachers will not take your complaints seriously, and it doesn't sound as though they are, then you need to escalate it yourself and speak with the principal. It doesn't matter what the trendy put down words are, they shouldn't be using ANY of them. The teachers need to be more aware of what is going on in their classrooms and take control of the situation.
I also agree with the suggestion of encouraging your son to participate in a sport of some kind for confidence building. This will also allow him to meet new friends who may or may not attend his school/grade.
I also agree with the suggestion of encouraging your son to participate in a sport of some kind for confidence building. This will also allow him to meet new friends who may or may not attend his school/grade.
mommyof5
03-08-2003, 01:39 AM
Go to the principal! I've dealt with a real s*** disturber of a bully for 3 years now. Teachers don't do much about it. The bully (boy - now 13) is a year older and bigger than my daughter. There is so much to say about it I could write a book. When the bully told my daughter he was going to kill her (this was a week after he had told a 6 year old girl (friend of my other daughter) he was going to rape and kill women one day and one of them might be her!) I actually went to the police stationto get some info. I then went to the school (no appointment!) and demanded to see the principal (by the way I'm the quiet, shy type). I informed the principal about what I knew what I could do (arrest the boy - not that I really wanted to). The principal (I can tell) is at the end of his rope with this kid. After a lenghthy discusion (1 1/2 hours) with the principal I told him perhaps somebody should inform this "child" that he is now old enough to be arrested as a juvinile under the young offenders act (here in Quebec between the ages of 13 until when they turn 18 that's what happens). He could end up in a juvinile detention center "kiddy jail" or be removed from his (awful) family and be placed in a group home or foster home. It's already happened to his older sister (15 years old). She beat up another girl so badly with a stick or rod that the other girl was hospitalized and she attacked teachers at the high school. Since that "talk" with the principal he hardly ever bothers my daughter now. Good luck to you and be persistant!
familyfull
03-09-2003, 07:59 PM
This is really awful. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. This is definitely harrassment, and could be viewed as sexual harrassment. In california, kids get suspended for pinching another person. Schools have strict policy defining sexual harrassment and proper conduct.
I agree that you need to escalate the handling of this situation but you might want to become more educated on this bullying subject and what possible solutions you might be able to bring to the table.
I strongly suggest that you meet with a certified family couselor or developmental psychologist. This type of person would be able to assist you with making an action plan regarding this issue; identifying key issues how to guidance in approaching the pricipal or even higher up for this meeting and provide you with some different solutions. Don't rely on everyone else to solve problems even if it is their job. You arm yourself with educated solutions and request that they be put in place and schedule a follow up meeting.
I agree that you need to escalate the handling of this situation but you might want to become more educated on this bullying subject and what possible solutions you might be able to bring to the table.
I strongly suggest that you meet with a certified family couselor or developmental psychologist. This type of person would be able to assist you with making an action plan regarding this issue; identifying key issues how to guidance in approaching the pricipal or even higher up for this meeting and provide you with some different solutions. Don't rely on everyone else to solve problems even if it is their job. You arm yourself with educated solutions and request that they be put in place and schedule a follow up meeting.
Wheresrunt
04-07-2003, 04:36 PM
I feel for your son. It is situations like those that you wish you were nine again so you could knock that bully down a notch or two.Obviously this child has something going on at home. A child is not normally so cruel unless they have some pent up anger. Unfortunately your son seems to be the one he is taking it out on. Bullys tend to have a low self asteem and feel better about themselves if they have a sense of power. Your sons teacher needs to be getting to the source of the problem with that child. My sons' school has a zero tolerance policy. If you say anything in the negative you have to call your parents as well as spend recess doing work. Picking up garbage ect. For physical offenses the punishment is much worse.It sounds like your sons teacher is too unconcerned for the well fare and safety of her students. A parent should feel at ease sending their child to school. It is the teachers job to protect , educate, and nurture those children when they are in her care. She is not doing her job!. I am a very protective mom.I admit too much so at times but in todays society you have to be. Know who ,what , where and when at all times. It's also known that verbal abuse can be more damaging then physical. So i as a mom if i were in your shoes....would get very angry and very demanding that the situation your son is suffering through be handled immediately. No child deserves that treatment. I'm sorry if i sounded angry.Give your son a big hug and kiss and tell him you love him. That he has done nothing wrong. That bully obviously needs help. Something is not right in his home.
yellow rose
04-09-2003, 02:42 AM
My son was just 3 years old when he started getting picked on at his child care centre by a 5 year old. He became extremely withdrawn and would cry whenever we dropped him off at the centre, and eventually told us about this mean boy. The carers spoke with the little boy, who denied he had done anything wrong, and who then continued on with the bullying. I didn't know bullying could start at such a young age. This did nothing at all for my son's self esteem, and we took him out of the centre. After that however, he was scared of all other children, and would go off by himself whenever other children were around. We knew we had to do something to increase his confidence, so we enrolled him in gymnastics and swimming, which he absolutely loved. This gave him back the confidence he needed,and made him feel good about himself, and is now at an excellent child care centre, and is finally making friends. Sport is an excellent way for children to feel good about themselves again, they don't have to even be good at the sport, just enjoy going. I hope you find a solution to your problem, and just keep telling your little boy every day that he is special and loved. I've got my fingers crossed for you.
tagger
04-17-2003, 12:14 AM
A god friend of mine was having the same problem with her 7 yr old. They were ganging up on him at recess. The teachers never seemed to be around when he needed them. She got him a whistle which he would blow when these incidents would occur. It worked! The onus was off him, for being a "tattletell") and that whistle made a lot of heads turn!
Good lick...Tagger
Good lick...Tagger