mommyof5
03-01-2003, 02:02 PM
My son has ADHD and CAPD (central auditory processing disorder). He also seems to have a lot of rage. He takes 10mg ritalin 3 x a day, which definitly helps him at school. He's now a scolar since he started meds 1 year ago. It's this rage thing I can't seem to understand or get under control! When he gets mad he sometimes hits his sisters, he throws things, bangs walls, stomps around, punches the couch, takes swings at me (from a distance!), breaks toys, rips the covers and sheets off his bed, etc.
Does anyone know what I can do about this? He was the same way before the meds and I thought the meds would help him control himself but they haven't done anything for this part of him! I don't know what to do about it!
Could he have another thing wrong with him? I know there are all kinds of things out there, ex: OCD, bipolar, ODD, etc but does he fit any of this or are there more things I don't know about?
He NEVER acts this way at school, at scouts, at swimming, at grandma's, at friends' houses,etc.
I'm at my wits end with him, please help! :(
mommyof5
Does anyone know what I can do about this? He was the same way before the meds and I thought the meds would help him control himself but they haven't done anything for this part of him! I don't know what to do about it!
Could he have another thing wrong with him? I know there are all kinds of things out there, ex: OCD, bipolar, ODD, etc but does he fit any of this or are there more things I don't know about?
He NEVER acts this way at school, at scouts, at swimming, at grandma's, at friends' houses,etc.
I'm at my wits end with him, please help! :(
mommyof5
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Marie55
03-02-2003, 08:49 PM
People naturally take their frustrations out on family members. For this reason, your son acts up at home and not in school or other locations. Home is a place to let loose and let your hang down so to speak. Try to find a way to prevent things that will anger him. Talking and reasoning may or may not help but worth a try.
He may have another problem that needs to be addressed.
Marie
He may have another problem that needs to be addressed.
Marie
paigemaster
03-14-2003, 11:25 PM
Is there a father, or male, figure in his life? Try to get him involved in school events where there are males he can relate to. I have a daughter and a son, but no "daddy" figure, and I think this is hard on my son, but you might have a husband in the house or whatever, I just thought I'd reply to your plea of help. Good luck.
seasant
03-15-2003, 05:17 AM
Hi again Mommy of 5!
Perhaps this child also has Oppositional Defiance, or perhaps he has major rebound from his adhd medication.
Because you love him so much, he feels safe expressing himself around you. It is typical for OD children to treat their mothers as he treats you, while "maintaining" around others.
Take care.
Perhaps this child also has Oppositional Defiance, or perhaps he has major rebound from his adhd medication.
Because you love him so much, he feels safe expressing himself around you. It is typical for OD children to treat their mothers as he treats you, while "maintaining" around others.
Take care.
mommyof5
03-15-2003, 08:05 AM
What I can say is his "fits" have been around ever since I can remember, probably in the terrible two's. Funny thing there is my other ds just turned 3 and their tantrums are very similar. As if my 9 year old never outgrew his terrible two's in a way!
I understand that home is a safe place to vent and I'm sure he has lots of frustrations in all different areas. Ex: School is not easy because he has ADHD and the central auditory processing disorder but is to young to realise this could be bothering him. Another example is I won't let him have a t.v., nintendo, playstation, etc. in his room. That really pisses him off because other kids have that at their houses. It's not for lack of money (I can always pick up a second hand t.v. for $50.00 canadian) it's the principal of the matter. I want my family to be together and the equipement is to be shared amongst the 5 kids (he's the one who plays the games mostly anyway so he's not suffering for lack of time shareing).
A month after he had just turned 3 his biological father left us (April 1997). Abandoned us. Me with 4 kids - a 3 month old, a 17 month old, a 3 year old and an almost 6 year old. We don't hear from him, I have no clues as to where he is, etc, etc. I met up with Tony (I used to date him when I was 17) 4 months later (aug 1997) at a mutual friends b-day party. About a week later he gave me a call and wanted to come visit, I kind of held him at bay for about a month although we spoke on the phone. By the end of September I invited him over during the day, We had supper with the kids and he left early (7:00 - 8:00). Gradually but slowly our relationship developed. By November he was spending week-ends plus coming over in the evening about 2 working days a week. By December, when my youngest turned 1 she started calling him da-da. We discussed his moving in with me and he really wanted to but was in a predicament. He is Italian and still lived at home with old fashioned parents. He was afraid they would disown him if he lived with a non-Italian woman with 4 kids (what a disgrace!). Anyway I told him nicely that he had to make a choice, either move in or stop spending the week-ends (overnight) because the kids were getting confused. The baby was calling him da-da, the others called him Papa-Tony and there was bonding happening. The first week of February he moved in. Since then he has taken over the role as Daddy. My son is the only one who calls him Tony, the rest call him Daddy. My son spent a good 6 months to a year not believing this man was here to stay, he always thought he would just get up and go. There has always been somewhat of a struggle in their relationship but this man (Tony) has been his "Daddy" for 5 years. Tony is a great guy, he treats the kids as if they were his own. People who don't know the situation are amazed when they find out he's a step-dad and not a bio-dad. He is completely involved in everything in their lives. But my son rages at him mostly. My son honestly loves tony, brags about him o his friends, you know like he can do any thing kind of stuff as if he's superman or something (it's a bit funny because Tony is 5'6" and weighs 145 lbs! lol) but in my ds's eyes he's much more than that.
mommyof5
I understand that home is a safe place to vent and I'm sure he has lots of frustrations in all different areas. Ex: School is not easy because he has ADHD and the central auditory processing disorder but is to young to realise this could be bothering him. Another example is I won't let him have a t.v., nintendo, playstation, etc. in his room. That really pisses him off because other kids have that at their houses. It's not for lack of money (I can always pick up a second hand t.v. for $50.00 canadian) it's the principal of the matter. I want my family to be together and the equipement is to be shared amongst the 5 kids (he's the one who plays the games mostly anyway so he's not suffering for lack of time shareing).
A month after he had just turned 3 his biological father left us (April 1997). Abandoned us. Me with 4 kids - a 3 month old, a 17 month old, a 3 year old and an almost 6 year old. We don't hear from him, I have no clues as to where he is, etc, etc. I met up with Tony (I used to date him when I was 17) 4 months later (aug 1997) at a mutual friends b-day party. About a week later he gave me a call and wanted to come visit, I kind of held him at bay for about a month although we spoke on the phone. By the end of September I invited him over during the day, We had supper with the kids and he left early (7:00 - 8:00). Gradually but slowly our relationship developed. By November he was spending week-ends plus coming over in the evening about 2 working days a week. By December, when my youngest turned 1 she started calling him da-da. We discussed his moving in with me and he really wanted to but was in a predicament. He is Italian and still lived at home with old fashioned parents. He was afraid they would disown him if he lived with a non-Italian woman with 4 kids (what a disgrace!). Anyway I told him nicely that he had to make a choice, either move in or stop spending the week-ends (overnight) because the kids were getting confused. The baby was calling him da-da, the others called him Papa-Tony and there was bonding happening. The first week of February he moved in. Since then he has taken over the role as Daddy. My son is the only one who calls him Tony, the rest call him Daddy. My son spent a good 6 months to a year not believing this man was here to stay, he always thought he would just get up and go. There has always been somewhat of a struggle in their relationship but this man (Tony) has been his "Daddy" for 5 years. Tony is a great guy, he treats the kids as if they were his own. People who don't know the situation are amazed when they find out he's a step-dad and not a bio-dad. He is completely involved in everything in their lives. But my son rages at him mostly. My son honestly loves tony, brags about him o his friends, you know like he can do any thing kind of stuff as if he's superman or something (it's a bit funny because Tony is 5'6" and weighs 145 lbs! lol) but in my ds's eyes he's much more than that.
mommyof5
seasant
03-15-2003, 07:39 PM
Unreal - how the father of your children just up and abandoned you and them. What a piece of dung! But...seems you have found the flip side in Tony. What a gem. You and your children are so fortunate. I hope some day you will make it legal and that Tony adopts all of your sweeties. I think that would be a big thing for your oldest who was 3 when his birth father took off. That seems to have really left a scar on the poor boy. My take on it is that he is very angry (a reaction to being so deeply hurt). Maybe some counseling and very deep, personal talks with him would help.
Tony is such a wonderful man - and wonderful men have wonderful parents, so I hope you and his parents get along well, since you seem to be a kind and courageous woman that all Italian "mamas" would love. I just hope you and Tony's mom become close and that some day you and Tony will have a child or two of your own.
Good luck, and I wish you the best.
------------------
Tony is such a wonderful man - and wonderful men have wonderful parents, so I hope you and his parents get along well, since you seem to be a kind and courageous woman that all Italian "mamas" would love. I just hope you and Tony's mom become close and that some day you and Tony will have a child or two of your own.
Good luck, and I wish you the best.
------------------
mommyof5
03-16-2003, 08:40 AM
seasant,
Tony and I do have a child together, he's the 3 year old. That's how I became "mommyof5" :) ! I'm not sure if I would like to become "mommyof6" if you know what I mean, I already have sooooo many problems with my 1st 4 (read my other posts- children' health, disabilities, epilepcy). I would LOVE to have 10 children but there's a point at which it becomes a lot to handle (the problems). Anyway, the factory is not closed yet - I just take birth control pills, and since I'm 33 and smoke I may have to stop them in 2 years when I hit 35!. A lot of people ask me if i will be having anymore, my response (the way I feel) is not on purpose but if it happens accidently then of course I would keep it. I wouldn't be able to abort a child, I've had 2 miscarriages over the years and know the feeling of loss, plus the fact that my 7 year old dd almost died when she was a week old really adds to that feeling. I'm not against other people doing it - each to their own, it's just something I don't think I could ever do (unless for medical reasons there was no other choice - but then I would probably need counseling!)
As far as my relationship with Tony's parents, it's very hard. For one they didn't actually accept me until I was pregnant with their grandchild (they thought we were crazy and stupid because there were already 4 kids), which then became a great thing because I gave them a GRANDSON! Another problem is they barely speak any english and they are very "old country" they very much stay within the Italian community. They are 75 & 76 and I don't think they will be learning english anytime soon. We try to communicate but it's hard, mostly I have Tony translate for me and the kids.
I think you might be right about my ds being emotionally scarred because his bio-dad abandoned him(us). He was very close to him and also extremely spoiled by him (always got his own way and whatever he wanted). Honestly he doesn't remember him, but he will go on about how awful he is of a person, etc. only because my oldest dd (almost 6 at the time) will say things. It's sort of like she has put memories in his head that aren't his they are hers!. The one thing he can remember is the time his bio-dad slammed open his bedroom door and made a huge hole in the wall from the doorknob - that memory has stayed. (that was because he wouldn't fall asleep - he was 2 1/2)!
mommyof5
Tony and I do have a child together, he's the 3 year old. That's how I became "mommyof5" :) ! I'm not sure if I would like to become "mommyof6" if you know what I mean, I already have sooooo many problems with my 1st 4 (read my other posts- children' health, disabilities, epilepcy). I would LOVE to have 10 children but there's a point at which it becomes a lot to handle (the problems). Anyway, the factory is not closed yet - I just take birth control pills, and since I'm 33 and smoke I may have to stop them in 2 years when I hit 35!. A lot of people ask me if i will be having anymore, my response (the way I feel) is not on purpose but if it happens accidently then of course I would keep it. I wouldn't be able to abort a child, I've had 2 miscarriages over the years and know the feeling of loss, plus the fact that my 7 year old dd almost died when she was a week old really adds to that feeling. I'm not against other people doing it - each to their own, it's just something I don't think I could ever do (unless for medical reasons there was no other choice - but then I would probably need counseling!)
As far as my relationship with Tony's parents, it's very hard. For one they didn't actually accept me until I was pregnant with their grandchild (they thought we were crazy and stupid because there were already 4 kids), which then became a great thing because I gave them a GRANDSON! Another problem is they barely speak any english and they are very "old country" they very much stay within the Italian community. They are 75 & 76 and I don't think they will be learning english anytime soon. We try to communicate but it's hard, mostly I have Tony translate for me and the kids.
I think you might be right about my ds being emotionally scarred because his bio-dad abandoned him(us). He was very close to him and also extremely spoiled by him (always got his own way and whatever he wanted). Honestly he doesn't remember him, but he will go on about how awful he is of a person, etc. only because my oldest dd (almost 6 at the time) will say things. It's sort of like she has put memories in his head that aren't his they are hers!. The one thing he can remember is the time his bio-dad slammed open his bedroom door and made a huge hole in the wall from the doorknob - that memory has stayed. (that was because he wouldn't fall asleep - he was 2 1/2)!
mommyof5
joyceg
03-16-2003, 09:38 AM
Please check with a good pediatric psychiatrist for Bipolar Disorder. Your description really fits. For more info, look at the BipolarKids site - there is a group there, as well. Perhaps his father had it. You need to know what is happening to your baby (even though he is 9 LOL) Sometimes these kids can hold it together better away from home for short periods - hours vs days. It is a chemical imbalance - read about it and discuss it, you'll feel better either way. I research the subject for films and abstracts. It would be extremely rare for a child to have actual rages because of environmental influences. This sounds like a physical problem to me. Best of luck to you!!!
Aleii
03-20-2003, 01:24 AM
if you have the money, I'd suggest sending him to a child psychologist/counselor. My cousin sounds exactly like your son, and counseling helped him immensely with his rage and his outbursts of trying to destroy and hurt everyone around him that he had since he was about 2. He is now 13 and is like an entirely new person. Counseling really did miracles for him, and he liked it too... he asked if he could keep going for a while even after his parents told him he didn't have to go anymore.
mommyof5
03-25-2003, 12:42 PM
Aleii,
I now have my son on a waiting list to see a child psychologist. Unfortunately the list is a 2-3 month wait but I'm sure the wait will be worth it. It's a mental health clinic and is paid for by medicare. My daughter went there a few years back for emotional problems and it seemed to help her. I just hope they will be able to get my son to talk, he's very introverted, shy and has a hard time to express his emotions (good and bad).
mommyof5
I now have my son on a waiting list to see a child psychologist. Unfortunately the list is a 2-3 month wait but I'm sure the wait will be worth it. It's a mental health clinic and is paid for by medicare. My daughter went there a few years back for emotional problems and it seemed to help her. I just hope they will be able to get my son to talk, he's very introverted, shy and has a hard time to express his emotions (good and bad).
mommyof5
sakara33
04-29-2003, 02:17 AM
Get him a punching bag.....and when you get frustrated with him, go punch it a few times (make sure he can see you do it)....and maybe when he gets mad and he has seen you do it, he will go punch on the bag instead of anyone or anything else.....just explain to him that it is ok to be mad and to be angry and that if he wants to express it, to take it to the bag......it worked with my youngest and now he is 12 he doesn't even need the bag....he knows how to deal with being mad and being angry.....anyway hope it helps.....
mommyof5
04-29-2003, 07:33 AM
Thanks sakara33 for the advice http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif ,
I considered the punching bag idea but I don't know where to find one. The ones I've seen are only about 12" high and are meant as baby toys. Any Ideas?
mommyof5
I considered the punching bag idea but I don't know where to find one. The ones I've seen are only about 12" high and are meant as baby toys. Any Ideas?
mommyof5
sakara33
04-29-2003, 12:22 PM
Your very welcome, you can find them for a pretty decent price on ebay....I payed $80 something for mine new, and believe me it was well worth it....I am looking at some on there now, and they are $30 and up....just type punching bag in the search and they should come up.....hope that helps....
[This message has been edited by sakara33 (edited 04-29-2003).]
[This message has been edited by sakara33 (edited 04-29-2003).]