MotherOfAPrincess
11-26-2002, 03:06 PM
At what age should you begin to talk to your daughter about sex and starting her period?Mine is 8 and I know some girls that started at 9...I'm just nerves about doing this and how to bring it up....and how to explain it so that its understood w/out using medical words....
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mushroom1
11-26-2002, 05:21 PM
My daughter is 8, too and she knows all about periods.
Ever since she was little, I let her come in the bathroom with me, if she wanted to and she has seen me change pads etc. I was just matter of fact about it all and let her know that it didn't hurt me and what it was. We have talked about sex, too. How a woman becomes pregnant, how sometimes grownups have sex not to make a baby, but just to feel good. I have talked to her about masterbation, as well and explained that she has something special called a clitoris. I was not totally at ease asking my mother about sex, and I can tell my little girl is the same, so I bought her a book called Isn't It Amazing and I have seen her reading it several times. My oldest daughter started her period the summer after she turned 12 and she had also known about it since she was a toddler. She was prepared and it went just fine. I think now is a good time to tell your daughter and use a book if you don't know what to say. Good luck.
Ever since she was little, I let her come in the bathroom with me, if she wanted to and she has seen me change pads etc. I was just matter of fact about it all and let her know that it didn't hurt me and what it was. We have talked about sex, too. How a woman becomes pregnant, how sometimes grownups have sex not to make a baby, but just to feel good. I have talked to her about masterbation, as well and explained that she has something special called a clitoris. I was not totally at ease asking my mother about sex, and I can tell my little girl is the same, so I bought her a book called Isn't It Amazing and I have seen her reading it several times. My oldest daughter started her period the summer after she turned 12 and she had also known about it since she was a toddler. She was prepared and it went just fine. I think now is a good time to tell your daughter and use a book if you don't know what to say. Good luck.
fntsyangel
11-26-2002, 07:43 PM
While my daughter is not that old yet, I have always been pretty open with her about things. I usually try to take opportunities like when she is watching A Baby Story on TLC or if there is a woman having a baby on TV to bring up the subject so it doesnt seem like it just came up out of nowhere. I have also had a few talks with my 10 YO niece - whose mother has not really prepared her at all or had much in the way of sex talks with - and, again, I either try to wait for something that is near the subject (or MAKE a sittuation - watch a show I KNOW will bring the subject up). Just the other night my daughter came into the BR while I was taking a bath and asked my why I had hair on my "equipment" (her word!) so I took the time to explain a bit about puberty to her. I am also expecting a baby boy soon, and I know that one of the first questions is going to be why his "equipment" is different than hers and her sister's. You just try to take the opportunities as they come. It doesnt really have to be ONE talk, but can instead be many.
Now, my daughter is only 5, but I believe in letting girls know about these things as soon as they are ready - and 8 is the perfect time!
As far as not using too many medical terms, your best bet is to tell her the medical terms then explain what they mean in normal language. You can tell her a period is called menstration, and what that MEANS is ... so on. Just make sure to explain it in words she is familiar with. If she calls her vaginal area her privates, then tell her using that word with just a quick reference to the fact that it is called vaginia, labia, etc.
Good luck!!
------------------
Angel
Stephanie (7), Caitlen (5), Arica (1), Kai Thomas EDD 1-23-03
[This message has been edited by fntsyangel (edited 11-26-2002).]
Now, my daughter is only 5, but I believe in letting girls know about these things as soon as they are ready - and 8 is the perfect time!
As far as not using too many medical terms, your best bet is to tell her the medical terms then explain what they mean in normal language. You can tell her a period is called menstration, and what that MEANS is ... so on. Just make sure to explain it in words she is familiar with. If she calls her vaginal area her privates, then tell her using that word with just a quick reference to the fact that it is called vaginia, labia, etc.
Good luck!!
------------------
Angel
Stephanie (7), Caitlen (5), Arica (1), Kai Thomas EDD 1-23-03
[This message has been edited by fntsyangel (edited 11-26-2002).]
MotherOfAPrincess
11-26-2002, 09:00 PM
I have talked to her about "if people try to touch you and that kind of stuff"....thanks fntsyangel your advice was pretty good but I don't see me or any other mother telling her 8 yr. old daughter about masterbation or a clitoris or so-forth....I guess diferent strokes for different mothers...
mommynmichigan
11-27-2002, 11:33 PM
My daughter was 9 when I told her .. she's now 12. I explained to her about what a period was etc ... and showed her what to do in case it happens ... she also carries a few pads deep in her backpack in case of an emergency. She also asked me if she could call me to come get her if and when she did start (Afraid she'll be in an embarrasing situation) But of course to reassure her I will! I think children can do without learning about masturbation until the boys are at an age where it has to be a necessity ... but then it's my hubby's turn to explain that. Anyhow, children need to know about certain things as soon as you think they may understand, because a time may come (Like on the school bus and not the appropriate way) They find out things you wished you had told them.
*SoccerMom*
11-28-2002, 09:35 AM
MotherofaPrincess,
My daughters are 3 & 4 and I have a son who's 12. I have already begun to tell the girls about "girl stuff". I started off like you mentioned about "private, don't allow others to touch" and also told them about when they get older(bras, girl items and babies in their tummies).
Although the talks are different, I know that in 2nd and 3rd grade the KIDS start talking in school. I was shocked to find some of the stuff they say. I started talking with my son very early and had been using words like "wee wee" and privates. Believe me, those kids use all kinds of words. In one day, a very informed child filled the whole class in on penis, vagina, cum, ejaculation and my personal favorite--Hard-On! My son waited until we were crossing a long, narrow bridge in the rain to ask about that! Almost wrecked! :) I would tell them the nickname and the main name and refer to that when you talk.
In 4th grade, a girl in his class started her period. It was so sad. She had no idea what was happening. She was terrified and thought she was dying. She hid it from the teacher, parents and friends. Finally, the teacher realized and the school nurse talked to her(and her mom) It was so sad! This same girl became pregnant in 5th grade by a 15 yr old neighbor! HOrrible situation.
My son used to communicate well and share things that others mentioned and all of a sudden that stopped. I think because of hormones and early puberty....now he is embarrassed and blushes.BUT I still talk and he listens!! Believe me, they hear a lot in school! I don't know exactly how to know HOW MUCH is TOO MUCH though. We haven't made it to the masturbation talks but we have discussed sex in some great detail. His doc told me that since he has the hair coming in and the voice changing (he's in 6th grade) that it is time for THE big talks.....In his school, they have sex ed. They divide girls and boys and talk about what I think are minor things until 7th and 8th grade. I didn't allow my son to go because they do not teach abstinence but "safe sex". The kids pass around the condoms like a joke. After speaking to the principal, I understand that the male/female talks are the only talks some of the kids ever get. She gave me copies of the literature and I use that in our talks. Instead of telling him that he wasn't allowed to take the class, I just told my son that because there are so many other things that he wanted to take, it was too hard to fit it in his schedule.Didn't want him to think it was too big of a deal.
I would just read some books and load her up with as much information as you can. Maybe talk with her teachers or even visit the school often......listen to what other kids are saying. It may help you know what she already hears and what you need to focus on most. The most important thing is to make it where she feels that she can talk to you. Maybe share some embarrassing times about your own puberty. I have found that when I tell him those things, it is easier for him to tell me his questions.
Best of Luck!
My daughters are 3 & 4 and I have a son who's 12. I have already begun to tell the girls about "girl stuff". I started off like you mentioned about "private, don't allow others to touch" and also told them about when they get older(bras, girl items and babies in their tummies).
Although the talks are different, I know that in 2nd and 3rd grade the KIDS start talking in school. I was shocked to find some of the stuff they say. I started talking with my son very early and had been using words like "wee wee" and privates. Believe me, those kids use all kinds of words. In one day, a very informed child filled the whole class in on penis, vagina, cum, ejaculation and my personal favorite--Hard-On! My son waited until we were crossing a long, narrow bridge in the rain to ask about that! Almost wrecked! :) I would tell them the nickname and the main name and refer to that when you talk.
In 4th grade, a girl in his class started her period. It was so sad. She had no idea what was happening. She was terrified and thought she was dying. She hid it from the teacher, parents and friends. Finally, the teacher realized and the school nurse talked to her(and her mom) It was so sad! This same girl became pregnant in 5th grade by a 15 yr old neighbor! HOrrible situation.
My son used to communicate well and share things that others mentioned and all of a sudden that stopped. I think because of hormones and early puberty....now he is embarrassed and blushes.BUT I still talk and he listens!! Believe me, they hear a lot in school! I don't know exactly how to know HOW MUCH is TOO MUCH though. We haven't made it to the masturbation talks but we have discussed sex in some great detail. His doc told me that since he has the hair coming in and the voice changing (he's in 6th grade) that it is time for THE big talks.....In his school, they have sex ed. They divide girls and boys and talk about what I think are minor things until 7th and 8th grade. I didn't allow my son to go because they do not teach abstinence but "safe sex". The kids pass around the condoms like a joke. After speaking to the principal, I understand that the male/female talks are the only talks some of the kids ever get. She gave me copies of the literature and I use that in our talks. Instead of telling him that he wasn't allowed to take the class, I just told my son that because there are so many other things that he wanted to take, it was too hard to fit it in his schedule.Didn't want him to think it was too big of a deal.
I would just read some books and load her up with as much information as you can. Maybe talk with her teachers or even visit the school often......listen to what other kids are saying. It may help you know what she already hears and what you need to focus on most. The most important thing is to make it where she feels that she can talk to you. Maybe share some embarrassing times about your own puberty. I have found that when I tell him those things, it is easier for him to tell me his questions.
Best of Luck!
Chelle1977
12-02-2002, 06:08 PM
mommyinmichigan - just out of curiousity, how is knowing about masturbation a necessity for boys, but not for girls? I don't necessarily think masturbation is NECESSARY for anyone, but certainly isn't more necessary for boys than girls.
fntsyangel
12-02-2002, 09:03 PM
MotherOfAPrincess -
I have to agree with you about the masturbation ... I really think that that is something they can learn for themselves!! If my kids ever come to me and ASK I will give some basic info - like it is ok and normal - but I sure dont think I will be explaining how EVER! I guess mushroom is a bit more open-minded than I ...
I am glad I could offer some helpful advice. Good luck!!
------------------
Angel
Stephanie (7), Caitlen (5), Arica (1), Kai Thomas EDD 1-23-03
I have to agree with you about the masturbation ... I really think that that is something they can learn for themselves!! If my kids ever come to me and ASK I will give some basic info - like it is ok and normal - but I sure dont think I will be explaining how EVER! I guess mushroom is a bit more open-minded than I ...
I am glad I could offer some helpful advice. Good luck!!
------------------
Angel
Stephanie (7), Caitlen (5), Arica (1), Kai Thomas EDD 1-23-03
mushroom1
12-04-2002, 02:55 PM
I didn't know what a clitoris was until I was 15 and had already been masterbating for a year...and feeling a bit like a freak. I wanted to save my daughters that. I also wanted them to know that they have the ability to make themselves feel good without risk of pregnancy and disease. I do try to be open minded...
My oldest daughter began to masterbate at 4 (without having been told about it) my youngest, 8 has had no interest in it so far...I try neither to incourage or discourage it, only give information and let them know it is a fine thing to do in the privacy of their bedroom.
My oldest daughter began to masterbate at 4 (without having been told about it) my youngest, 8 has had no interest in it so far...I try neither to incourage or discourage it, only give information and let them know it is a fine thing to do in the privacy of their bedroom.
MotherOfAPrincess
12-05-2002, 08:25 PM
I'm not sayin this in any offense so please don't take it that way...If any child began masterbation at age 4 my first concern would be had someone messed with her??
Greenberry
12-05-2002, 09:45 PM
I really hope I don't know when my children start masturbating...
DSW67
12-05-2002, 09:48 PM
I agree with Greenberry, I don't want to know. If I find the Victoria Secret's catalog in his room I'll know something is up. That is just something you don't want to think about, kinda like imagining your parents concieving you.......ewwww. Just my thoughts.
Deb
Deb
mushroom1
12-06-2002, 02:04 AM
Maybe some of you would be interested in reading the thread about how some people on this board first learned to masturbate? It seems that there was a lot of unnecessary worry and confusion...maybe you have memories yourself of being confused or ashamed?
MotherOfAPrincess, My oldest is now 21 and no, no one ever "messed with her" as a child, she just did what many children do, naturally. Infact, she was a virgin until last year.
I think that masturbation is normal and healthy and I am surprised that in 2002 you can't or won't discuss it with your children in a matter of fact way, but I shouldn't be surprised if you can't even discuss periods etc. I can't even imagine that...didn't your little girl ever see a tampon and ask, "What is that?"
At our house, everyone helps to put the groceries away...even my six year old little boy knows what tampons are for and where they go. LOL
MotherOfAPrincess, My oldest is now 21 and no, no one ever "messed with her" as a child, she just did what many children do, naturally. Infact, she was a virgin until last year.
I think that masturbation is normal and healthy and I am surprised that in 2002 you can't or won't discuss it with your children in a matter of fact way, but I shouldn't be surprised if you can't even discuss periods etc. I can't even imagine that...didn't your little girl ever see a tampon and ask, "What is that?"
At our house, everyone helps to put the groceries away...even my six year old little boy knows what tampons are for and where they go. LOL
ffsmith
12-06-2002, 10:30 AM
This has turned into an interesting thread and I like the way everyone is being so honest.
My parents were more like DSW67, Greenberry, and MotherOfAPrincess
And less like mushroom1.
I think it is common for a child to naturally explore and ‘touch themselves’ at a very young age.
I think the typical response of an observant parent that notices this behavior would be to stop the child. Or to say something like ‘don’t do that, that is DIRTY’
I think as parents if you are negative, this effects the child.
If you choose not to know about it or not to involve yourself in a topic like masturbation, this also has an effect on the child.
And if you are like Mushroom 1 and more open and positive this also has an effect.
It would seem to me that Mushroom1’s approach has the greatest chance of being the healthiest for the child in the long run.
Most of the time a hands off approach (no pun intended :) :) ) will work too, but there is more of a risk of confusion and the child developing hang ups and a bad body image.
However, I do think most mothers do take the ’I-do-not-want-to-know-about-it-and-I-do-not-want-to-talk-about it' approach
I do think only a minority of families practice Mushroom 1’s approach.
[This message has been edited by ffsmith (edited 12-06-2002).]
My parents were more like DSW67, Greenberry, and MotherOfAPrincess
And less like mushroom1.
I think it is common for a child to naturally explore and ‘touch themselves’ at a very young age.
I think the typical response of an observant parent that notices this behavior would be to stop the child. Or to say something like ‘don’t do that, that is DIRTY’
I think as parents if you are negative, this effects the child.
If you choose not to know about it or not to involve yourself in a topic like masturbation, this also has an effect on the child.
And if you are like Mushroom 1 and more open and positive this also has an effect.
It would seem to me that Mushroom1’s approach has the greatest chance of being the healthiest for the child in the long run.
Most of the time a hands off approach (no pun intended :) :) ) will work too, but there is more of a risk of confusion and the child developing hang ups and a bad body image.
However, I do think most mothers do take the ’I-do-not-want-to-know-about-it-and-I-do-not-want-to-talk-about it' approach
I do think only a minority of families practice Mushroom 1’s approach.
[This message has been edited by ffsmith (edited 12-06-2002).]
MotherOfAPrincess
12-06-2002, 12:39 PM
No Mushroom I don't tend to share personal traits with my daughter at such a young age...she has just turned 8 last month....and as far as I was asking about the approach to take on talking to her about her period and sex did NOT in any way mean I want to introduce it to her....I will talk to her about sex later...seeing that she is in NO place at any time that she would have sex on the mind or know about it yet,I don't see the need in telling a young child about an adult situation...I was asking the question to the mothers for my later talk with her...Right now I'm gonna talk with her about her periods and what to expect...and NO again I do NOT let my child watch me insert a tampon..that is a time for my own privacy...anyways thanks for all of your other replies..
Chelle1977
12-09-2002, 10:53 AM
MotherOf - I think you'd be surprised what 8 year olds learn about at school these days. Television and movies are more and more explicit, girls are experiencing periods and puberty earlier and earlier. IMO, the talk about a girl's period and the talk about sex should be one and the same. You don't have to go into sex feeling good, or how to experience sexual pleasure, but I think sex and puberty are intertwined.
The school I attended taught sex ed in the fifth grade. I was 10.
Just a suggestion - you might look to see what books are available for children on this subject. I know my mom and I read a book together that explained bodily changes for both sexes. She also gave me several books to read on my own that I still have and refer to every so often.
The school I attended taught sex ed in the fifth grade. I was 10.
Just a suggestion - you might look to see what books are available for children on this subject. I know my mom and I read a book together that explained bodily changes for both sexes. She also gave me several books to read on my own that I still have and refer to every so often.
Melamom
12-09-2002, 10:57 AM
I think she should already be learning about sex and pregnancy from you. At 8 you would be surprised at what the kids are talking about at school already. I had the fun of my son coming home at age 12 and wonder why his buddies were laughing at him because he didn't know what was so funny about the number 69. They were going to draw him a picture and it didn't work well so he asked me. I was going to try a picture to as well as explain it at the same time but he decided maybe he didn't want to know. The irony of that situation is that we had a guest staying in our home who was from England and all I could say was "now you can see first hand what a kids life is like in America". One of the best ways to talk abou these things to your daughter is to either get a book or watch some of the shows on TLC dealing with all of this and discuss what you see on the programs. My mother never discussed any of this with me so the only info I got was from the school health education which back them merely told you about the changes you could expect soon such as breasts developing and about menstruation. Needless to say I was never comfortable discussing things with my mother as she never initiated any of those discussions. I don't want to have that happen to my daughter so I have long since begun talking about birth and pregnancy etc and have told her that if she ever has any questions on anything at all we will sit down at the computer and look up anything she wants to know more about. With the wealth of information that is at your fingertips on the web, talking about sexual issues and female issues couldn't be easier today.
ffsmith
12-09-2002, 04:20 PM
TLC is great.
I learned on there that it does not start for a girl until she hits a certain weight.
Assuming everything else is normal that is the trigger.
“69” that is a good one! I can imagine trying to explain that :eek: :eek:
I learned on there that it does not start for a girl until she hits a certain weight.
Assuming everything else is normal that is the trigger.
“69” that is a good one! I can imagine trying to explain that :eek: :eek:
Greenberry
12-10-2002, 10:55 AM
Just because I don't want to know about my children masturbating doesn't mean that I am going to tell them it's dirty or bad or make them feel bad about doing it. I am just going to let them discover that aspect of sexuality on their own and not give them explicit information about it myself. It's something personal and if the subject comes up, I will explain that it is to be done in the privacy of their bedrooms and that will be that.
I plan to give my children the necessary information at the necessary ages. Why does my child have to know about EVERYTHING when he or she is really little? Sex IS an adult topic, and children don't need to know EVERYTHING. They have no way of conceiving of everything involved even if they are given all the details. If they ask specifically about something, I will give a brief, age-appropriate explanation and fill in details if necessary as they get older. They don't need to know about everything right from the start. What's wrong with discretion and letting children be children?
I plan to give my children the necessary information at the necessary ages. Why does my child have to know about EVERYTHING when he or she is really little? Sex IS an adult topic, and children don't need to know EVERYTHING. They have no way of conceiving of everything involved even if they are given all the details. If they ask specifically about something, I will give a brief, age-appropriate explanation and fill in details if necessary as they get older. They don't need to know about everything right from the start. What's wrong with discretion and letting children be children?
Chelle1977
12-10-2002, 11:01 AM
There's nothing wrong with wanting to let your children be children, but you also want to be pro-active about telling your kids things about sex BEFORE they hear some warped tale at school. Kids are learning about "sex" early now. If you establish an open relationship early and let them ask about and talk about whatever they want, they'll be much more likely to talk to you later.
*SoccerMom*
12-10-2002, 02:36 PM
I agree with Greenberry on giving our children age appropriate information. The hard thing is knowing what is appropriate at what time. I work with the youth at church and it can be really scary to realize that these kids KNOW alot.....the problem is that because they know so much, they seem to take it so lightly. They don't feel that some things are personal and sometimes I am amazed at what these 13-15 year old kids say about their sex lives, masturbation and oral sex in front of their parents, adults and other kids. I feel that we do need to remember to teach kids that those things are PRIVATE and SPECIAL. It is just such a difficult topic as a parent. I don't want to harm my son's mental health when it comes to sex but I do want him to learn self-control, respect, abstinence, and to be able to know what a special thing it can be within a loving marriage. I just want to give him the foundation information on what is happening to him, why, and what he can expect in the future. I just cannot imagine me explaining sexual positions to him! :)
MotherOfAPrincess
12-10-2002, 03:27 PM
Well I don't see how one question got so blown out of whack.....NEVERMIND....I can see by some of the replys why children are the way they are now...some parents prefer to be good buddies or chums than a parent....I don't worry about what my child sees on TV and yes I can manage what she sees...(home)-her TV is has Parental Passcode,(her dads)-there'll allowed Disney Movies,Mary-Kate & Ashley etc.(her friends)-parents have same issues w/ there child as I do...so you see if you are a true parent you CAN control what your child does at all times....and as far as a 12 yr. old askin something well I can understand that considering there in Middle School not 2nd grade...as far as school here the teachers here are pretty prone to what goes on there...so seeing this question NEVER really got answered just drop it......
Chelle1977
12-10-2002, 03:48 PM
On topic response ..
How old were you when you started your period? How soon did you begin to develop breasts and pubic hair? You could ask your doctor, but I would imagine she will begin to develop around the same time frame. So, if you were 12 or 14 before you started, you have time yet.
On the other hand, some girls do start at 9 and seeing the process in someone else might scare her. Be prepared to answer questions NOW. And be prepared that the questions might be more than you think is appropriate for her age because some kids are going to know more and are going to talk about it at school at recess and lunch.
I think the most important thing is to learn how to be comfortable with the topic before you bring it up. And if she brings it up first, answer the questions as thoroghly as possible ... if she thinks you're holding out or completely uncomfortable, she might not come back later.
How old were you when you started your period? How soon did you begin to develop breasts and pubic hair? You could ask your doctor, but I would imagine she will begin to develop around the same time frame. So, if you were 12 or 14 before you started, you have time yet.
On the other hand, some girls do start at 9 and seeing the process in someone else might scare her. Be prepared to answer questions NOW. And be prepared that the questions might be more than you think is appropriate for her age because some kids are going to know more and are going to talk about it at school at recess and lunch.
I think the most important thing is to learn how to be comfortable with the topic before you bring it up. And if she brings it up first, answer the questions as thoroghly as possible ... if she thinks you're holding out or completely uncomfortable, she might not come back later.
*SoccerMom*
12-11-2002, 03:53 PM
MotherOfAPrincess,
I apologize if you thought my responses were off topic; however, I feel that sex (whether abstinence, masturbation or safe sex for those who desire) and periods (includes hormonal and bodily changes) were part of the topic. I agree with whoever said they are all intertwined.
I also protect my son from what I feel it not appropriate for him on tv, in the home, music, and we try to surround ourselves with positive things. I have found that no matter what, you have to deal with it all when there are questions coming home from school. I know that there are some very "knowledgable" kids who just love to tell it all just to shock the other kids. Just let your daughter know she can talk to you about what she hears. Best of Luck!
I apologize if you thought my responses were off topic; however, I feel that sex (whether abstinence, masturbation or safe sex for those who desire) and periods (includes hormonal and bodily changes) were part of the topic. I agree with whoever said they are all intertwined.
I also protect my son from what I feel it not appropriate for him on tv, in the home, music, and we try to surround ourselves with positive things. I have found that no matter what, you have to deal with it all when there are questions coming home from school. I know that there are some very "knowledgable" kids who just love to tell it all just to shock the other kids. Just let your daughter know she can talk to you about what she hears. Best of Luck!
ffsmith
12-13-2002, 03:53 PM
I am sorry for being off topic too
I like Greenberry & *SoccerMom*’s points on privacy
It is ironic that to teach your child that it is a private matter you have to be fairly open and discuss it with them. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif
I like Greenberry & *SoccerMom*’s points on privacy
It is ironic that to teach your child that it is a private matter you have to be fairly open and discuss it with them. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif
PAISLEY
12-13-2002, 04:27 PM
Originally posted by MotherOfAPrincess:
At what age should you begin to talk to your daughter about sex and starting her period?Mine is 8 and I know some girls that started at 9...I'm just nerves about doing this and how to bring it up....and how to explain it so that its understood w/out using medical words....
This is the question, right? Ok...Since girls are starting their periods at 8 or 9, talk to her TODAY. I would suggest having something like a "girl's talk night" where the both of you lay or sit in her bed in your pj's and pop some popcorn or whatever. You can start out by saying "Let's have some girl talk!!!"...Be enthusiastic about it! Let her know that she is growing up and soon her body will be changing and you want to let her know about some of the things that will be going on with her. Get a pad out and explain that ALL girls have what is known as a cycle (also called a period) and this is what they have to wear for a few days so that your panties won't get all messy...Explain what she will see (the colors of the "blood"), explain how she may feel (cramps)...but make it clear that she is perfectly healthy and that this is what girls are supposed to do. Make sure you let her know that she is going to "bleed" for some days and about changing the pad and keeping herself clean. Tell her it's something very private that she doesn't need to share with everyone and that she can ALWAYS ask you about it and you will answer her questions. As far as sex goes, just explain that that's what mommies and daddies (or husbands and wives) do and until she becomes old enough to get married then that's when she can experience that wonderful thing. I wouldn't spend too much time on sex. I would explain that once her cycle starts, however that that's when she will be in a position to have a baby, so at that poing she will be a young lady and while that is a VERY GOOD thing, young ladies need to concentrate on their schoolwork, being a cheerleader (or whatever sport or activity she likes to do), going to college (if she wants too), establishing a career, getting married and then having babies. I would introduce the word sex and explain that that's the process where mommies and daddies (husbands and wives) make the babies arrive here, but I wouldn't get into every detail about sex (i.e. orgasms, the clitoris, maturbation, ejaculation) JUST MY OPINION! Again, reinforce that not everbody needs to know what you and her talked about. From time to time have these "girl's night talks" to make sure she is listening to YOU and not the other kids at school or the TV.
My daughter is 3 and we are always talking about the 3 major PRIVATE parts of her body-her breasts, her vagina and her buttocks. We have our "girl talks" about strangers, boys and even girls are NOT supposed to touch her private parts, but they may touch her hands or face in a gentle way or they can hug or kiss on the CHEEK if they are friends. I think that by me starting NOW with these talks, it will make it easier to talk about the heavy stuff LATER!!
:)
At what age should you begin to talk to your daughter about sex and starting her period?Mine is 8 and I know some girls that started at 9...I'm just nerves about doing this and how to bring it up....and how to explain it so that its understood w/out using medical words....
This is the question, right? Ok...Since girls are starting their periods at 8 or 9, talk to her TODAY. I would suggest having something like a "girl's talk night" where the both of you lay or sit in her bed in your pj's and pop some popcorn or whatever. You can start out by saying "Let's have some girl talk!!!"...Be enthusiastic about it! Let her know that she is growing up and soon her body will be changing and you want to let her know about some of the things that will be going on with her. Get a pad out and explain that ALL girls have what is known as a cycle (also called a period) and this is what they have to wear for a few days so that your panties won't get all messy...Explain what she will see (the colors of the "blood"), explain how she may feel (cramps)...but make it clear that she is perfectly healthy and that this is what girls are supposed to do. Make sure you let her know that she is going to "bleed" for some days and about changing the pad and keeping herself clean. Tell her it's something very private that she doesn't need to share with everyone and that she can ALWAYS ask you about it and you will answer her questions. As far as sex goes, just explain that that's what mommies and daddies (or husbands and wives) do and until she becomes old enough to get married then that's when she can experience that wonderful thing. I wouldn't spend too much time on sex. I would explain that once her cycle starts, however that that's when she will be in a position to have a baby, so at that poing she will be a young lady and while that is a VERY GOOD thing, young ladies need to concentrate on their schoolwork, being a cheerleader (or whatever sport or activity she likes to do), going to college (if she wants too), establishing a career, getting married and then having babies. I would introduce the word sex and explain that that's the process where mommies and daddies (husbands and wives) make the babies arrive here, but I wouldn't get into every detail about sex (i.e. orgasms, the clitoris, maturbation, ejaculation) JUST MY OPINION! Again, reinforce that not everbody needs to know what you and her talked about. From time to time have these "girl's night talks" to make sure she is listening to YOU and not the other kids at school or the TV.
My daughter is 3 and we are always talking about the 3 major PRIVATE parts of her body-her breasts, her vagina and her buttocks. We have our "girl talks" about strangers, boys and even girls are NOT supposed to touch her private parts, but they may touch her hands or face in a gentle way or they can hug or kiss on the CHEEK if they are friends. I think that by me starting NOW with these talks, it will make it easier to talk about the heavy stuff LATER!!
:)
CindyA
01-13-2003, 07:11 PM
Originally posted by MotherOfAPrincess:
At what age should you begin to talk to your daughter about sex...
As early as you talk to her about her overall health, what her favorite foods are, what sports she likes to be involved with, general hygiene, going to the dentist, etc. Having a mentstrual cycle and starting her period is a NORMAL part of life. Having sex is a normal part of life--albeit, adult life. It is not dirty, sacred, mysterious or anything else. We have arms, legs, eyes, ears, a vagina, a heart, lungs and a uterus and ovaries--everything has its function. Take the mystery out of it. Remove the secret. When you start talking about ALL parts of being human EARLY on, it removes almost all of the fear in talking about it. Be casual. Start now. She does not have to watch you insert a tampon, but what is the secret in knowing what a tampon is for? You don't have to show her the blood for her to know that every month we DO bleed. She doesn't have to watch you have sex to know that adults who love each other have sex. We also brush our teeth and cut our toenails. I have a 12 year old daughter and about four years ago, I bought American Girl's "The Care and Keeping of You." What a fabulous book! It is very detailed (for example, from explaining the stages in breast development -- and that we all have different shapes and sizes to how to insert a tampon--yes, how to insert a tampon). The book is to the point, informative and interesting and she read it often. Between our talking all the time about all facets of life and being human, and her reading that book, when she DID start her period, NOTHING was unexpected. We are human beings with a million bodily functions--none should be more taboo to talk about than the other. When your child is informed, she/he can make informed, educated decisions about sex. Yes, we have talked about "69". It was hard, but I continued to breathe and treated the conversation just like any other conversation--it was my opportunity and responsibility to inform her. I explained that yes, it IS something that adults do. She was mortified and disgusted that people would do such a thing, but one thing is certain--she knows exactly what it is and she knows that it is one of those things ADULTS DO WHEN THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. When our children are not taught these things by us (as I was not) they WILL be taught by a myriad of sources--and often taught incorrectly or inappopriately. Remove mystery and the curiosity and save yourself lots of stress. Good luck! :)
[This message has been edited by CindyA (edited 01-13-2003).]
At what age should you begin to talk to your daughter about sex...
As early as you talk to her about her overall health, what her favorite foods are, what sports she likes to be involved with, general hygiene, going to the dentist, etc. Having a mentstrual cycle and starting her period is a NORMAL part of life. Having sex is a normal part of life--albeit, adult life. It is not dirty, sacred, mysterious or anything else. We have arms, legs, eyes, ears, a vagina, a heart, lungs and a uterus and ovaries--everything has its function. Take the mystery out of it. Remove the secret. When you start talking about ALL parts of being human EARLY on, it removes almost all of the fear in talking about it. Be casual. Start now. She does not have to watch you insert a tampon, but what is the secret in knowing what a tampon is for? You don't have to show her the blood for her to know that every month we DO bleed. She doesn't have to watch you have sex to know that adults who love each other have sex. We also brush our teeth and cut our toenails. I have a 12 year old daughter and about four years ago, I bought American Girl's "The Care and Keeping of You." What a fabulous book! It is very detailed (for example, from explaining the stages in breast development -- and that we all have different shapes and sizes to how to insert a tampon--yes, how to insert a tampon). The book is to the point, informative and interesting and she read it often. Between our talking all the time about all facets of life and being human, and her reading that book, when she DID start her period, NOTHING was unexpected. We are human beings with a million bodily functions--none should be more taboo to talk about than the other. When your child is informed, she/he can make informed, educated decisions about sex. Yes, we have talked about "69". It was hard, but I continued to breathe and treated the conversation just like any other conversation--it was my opportunity and responsibility to inform her. I explained that yes, it IS something that adults do. She was mortified and disgusted that people would do such a thing, but one thing is certain--she knows exactly what it is and she knows that it is one of those things ADULTS DO WHEN THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. When our children are not taught these things by us (as I was not) they WILL be taught by a myriad of sources--and often taught incorrectly or inappopriately. Remove mystery and the curiosity and save yourself lots of stress. Good luck! :)
[This message has been edited by CindyA (edited 01-13-2003).]
jazzgal
01-17-2003, 11:41 AM
I agree with many of the comments so far. My daughter is currently in 8th grade (just turned 13) and she was the first among her friends/schoolmates to start her period at the end of 5th grade (she was only 10). I am glad that I had started talking to her early on about inappropriate touching as many have mentioned here (from the age of 3 or so, but she was in daycare while I worked so it was important for me to know that she understood the difference between "good touches" and "bad touches"). She asked me about breasts when she was 5 or 6 (she had seen a close friend breastfeeding her newborn which probably triggered her questions). When she was 6 I answered her questions in general terms, mostly because I didn't want to overwhelm her with information overload (which I am afraid may be the case with some of the situations posted above). By the age of 8 I began to talk about the changes in females and males bodies/what puberty is and what to expect. At the age of 8 I wouldn't have thought to talk about the nuts and bolts of masturbation, but we have had discussions about that since then (she has asked me questions from time to time and the one thing I feel strongly about is that when the question is asked, the answer should be clear and to the point, with no hedging etc.) I got her a couple of different books about puberty and the changes to expect in her body-we read some chapters together and some she's read on her own.
Good luck-if you haven't had these types of discussions with her so far, you may want to consider taking it slow so that she's not having to absorb an enormous amount of information all at one time. I don't think I would have let my daughter see me change a tampon or pad simply because I prefer my privacy, but I did show them to her and we decided together where her emergency supply would be stored in the house (she was 8 or 9 by this time). Thank goodness I had done this prep work because as I mentioned, she began her period at the age of 10 (I was 11 1/2). The age you were when you started is a good reference point (also your mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law etc.)
Best of luck to you and your daughter. Keep in mind that as these kids get older, the ones with older brothers and sisters in particular seem to have access to more detailed information at an earlier age. My daughter heard about masterbation and 69 in school in the 4th or 5th grade and when she asked me about it I was really shocked but tried to maintain my composure. Sex education in school (here that starts in 5th grade) also brings out a lot more questions...be ready!
Kim
Good luck-if you haven't had these types of discussions with her so far, you may want to consider taking it slow so that she's not having to absorb an enormous amount of information all at one time. I don't think I would have let my daughter see me change a tampon or pad simply because I prefer my privacy, but I did show them to her and we decided together where her emergency supply would be stored in the house (she was 8 or 9 by this time). Thank goodness I had done this prep work because as I mentioned, she began her period at the age of 10 (I was 11 1/2). The age you were when you started is a good reference point (also your mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law etc.)
Best of luck to you and your daughter. Keep in mind that as these kids get older, the ones with older brothers and sisters in particular seem to have access to more detailed information at an earlier age. My daughter heard about masterbation and 69 in school in the 4th or 5th grade and when she asked me about it I was really shocked but tried to maintain my composure. Sex education in school (here that starts in 5th grade) also brings out a lot more questions...be ready!
Kim
jazzgal
01-17-2003, 11:44 AM
I agree with many of the comments so far. My daughter is currently in 8th grade (just turned 13) and she was the first among her friends/schoolmates to start her period at the end of 5th grade (she was only 10). I am glad that I had started talking to her early on about inappropriate touching as many have mentioned here (from the age of 3 or so, but she was in daycare while I worked so it was important for me to know that she understood the difference between "good touches" and "bad touches"). She asked me about breasts when she was 5 or 6 (she had seen a close friend breastfeeding her newborn which probably triggered her questions). When she was 6 I answered her questions in general terms, mostly because I didn't want to overwhelm her with information overload (which I am afraid may be the case with some of the situations posted above). By the age of 8 I began to talk about the changes in females and males bodies/what puberty is and what to expect. At the age of 8 I wouldn't have thought to talk about the nuts and bolts of masturbation, but we have had discussions about that since then (she has asked me questions from time to time and the one thing I feel strongly about is that when the question is asked, the answer should be clear and to the point, with no hedging etc.) I got her a couple of different books about puberty and the changes to expect in her body-we read some chapters together and some she's read on her own.
Good luck-if you haven't had these types of discussions with her so far, you may want to consider taking it slow so that she's not having to absorb an enormous amount of information all at one time. I don't think I would have let my daughter see me change a tampon or pad simply because I prefer my privacy, but I did show them to her and we decided together where her emergency supply would be stored in the house (she was 8 or 9 by this time). Thank goodness I had done this prep work because as I mentioned, she began her period at the age of 10 (I was 11 1/2). The age you were when you started is a good reference point (also your mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law etc.)
Best of luck to you and your daughter. Keep in mind that as these kids get older, the ones with older brothers and sisters in particular seem to have access to more detailed information at an earlier age. My daughter heard about masterbation and 69 in school in the 4th or 5th grade and when she asked me about it I was really shocked but tried to maintain my composure. Sex education in school (here that starts in 5th grade) also brings out a lot more questions...be ready!
Kim
Good luck-if you haven't had these types of discussions with her so far, you may want to consider taking it slow so that she's not having to absorb an enormous amount of information all at one time. I don't think I would have let my daughter see me change a tampon or pad simply because I prefer my privacy, but I did show them to her and we decided together where her emergency supply would be stored in the house (she was 8 or 9 by this time). Thank goodness I had done this prep work because as I mentioned, she began her period at the age of 10 (I was 11 1/2). The age you were when you started is a good reference point (also your mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law etc.)
Best of luck to you and your daughter. Keep in mind that as these kids get older, the ones with older brothers and sisters in particular seem to have access to more detailed information at an earlier age. My daughter heard about masterbation and 69 in school in the 4th or 5th grade and when she asked me about it I was really shocked but tried to maintain my composure. Sex education in school (here that starts in 5th grade) also brings out a lot more questions...be ready!
Kim
niecsey
01-17-2003, 06:03 PM
The weight which has been recorded in scientific measures for girls to begin periods is 7 and ahalf stone it was on tv a few months ago and if i remember right i was more or less that weight when mine started good luck :wave:
ladyalthea
03-17-2003, 04:47 PM
very interesting intelligent discussion here.
When we began teaching our daughter the parts of her body we included her vagina. I had seen a show where they said...if you have no name for it, and think its an evil part of you..then how will you ever be able to tell someone that someone else has touched you there?? So it was as common as arm, leg, elbow, vagina.
When my daughter was about 5 she began to learn about her body..if she did it in a public area of the house i told her that it was a private thing and should be done in her bedroom or the bathroom. Never said it was dirty or anything. We have always had a fairly close relationship. When she was growing, if she had a question she would ask it. I always tried to answer honestly and age appropriately. When she was 10 she started her period. It was horrid for her. She was very ill. She was not the spcified weight they say you need to be. She was 10 years old. I was amazed and made a call to my dr. She was kind and said that all was well and yes it was a bit early but not to panic and to bring her in when she was done for a checkup.
Now she is almost 18 yrs old and has been on birth control for her very painful periods about 3 years now. She is a good girl.
Im glad i was always honest and open with her and always tried to let her know her body was not dirty or evil.
When we began teaching our daughter the parts of her body we included her vagina. I had seen a show where they said...if you have no name for it, and think its an evil part of you..then how will you ever be able to tell someone that someone else has touched you there?? So it was as common as arm, leg, elbow, vagina.
When my daughter was about 5 she began to learn about her body..if she did it in a public area of the house i told her that it was a private thing and should be done in her bedroom or the bathroom. Never said it was dirty or anything. We have always had a fairly close relationship. When she was growing, if she had a question she would ask it. I always tried to answer honestly and age appropriately. When she was 10 she started her period. It was horrid for her. She was very ill. She was not the spcified weight they say you need to be. She was 10 years old. I was amazed and made a call to my dr. She was kind and said that all was well and yes it was a bit early but not to panic and to bring her in when she was done for a checkup.
Now she is almost 18 yrs old and has been on birth control for her very painful periods about 3 years now. She is a good girl.
Im glad i was always honest and open with her and always tried to let her know her body was not dirty or evil.
kippy6
04-29-2003, 12:32 AM
This is very interesting. There are different approaches. I'll tell you what we've done so far.
I've always thought that you just tell them what they need to know that is age-appropriate (while always being honest). For example, when my preschooler asks where babies come from, I'd just say, God put the baby in mommy's tummy, or a baby comes from love. IF they ask more questions, which they usually don't, that suffices for then. As they get older, as they ask more questions, you can give more specifics.
Bearing that in mind, I think also that a parent should tell a child about sex, periods, etc., before they hear it from another child. If you are the first to tell them about all this, then it will be you that they go to for answers, and not their peers.
When my DD was in 3rd grade, I told her about where babies came from, and just talked to her while I was cooking supper. We had talked a little about this in the past, so this was just more detailed info. This year, she's in 4th grade, and I told her about her period, and what it was for. Again, we just talked about it while I was cooking and she happened to be in the kitchen. I didn't sit her down and have a stuffy conversation. I tried to make it as normal as possible so she'd feel comfortable asking questions.
For my son, we told him about sex in 2nd grade (earlier), thinking that for some reason he might hear about sex earlier than his sister...from another boy at school. Some boys are very silly, and don't know what to do with the info they've been told, and might blurt it out trying to be funny. We thought we'd tell him about it before he heard it from another child, explaining to him not to discuss it with other children, since this was the parent's job to inform them.
[This message has been edited by kippy6 (edited 04-29-2003).]
I've always thought that you just tell them what they need to know that is age-appropriate (while always being honest). For example, when my preschooler asks where babies come from, I'd just say, God put the baby in mommy's tummy, or a baby comes from love. IF they ask more questions, which they usually don't, that suffices for then. As they get older, as they ask more questions, you can give more specifics.
Bearing that in mind, I think also that a parent should tell a child about sex, periods, etc., before they hear it from another child. If you are the first to tell them about all this, then it will be you that they go to for answers, and not their peers.
When my DD was in 3rd grade, I told her about where babies came from, and just talked to her while I was cooking supper. We had talked a little about this in the past, so this was just more detailed info. This year, she's in 4th grade, and I told her about her period, and what it was for. Again, we just talked about it while I was cooking and she happened to be in the kitchen. I didn't sit her down and have a stuffy conversation. I tried to make it as normal as possible so she'd feel comfortable asking questions.
For my son, we told him about sex in 2nd grade (earlier), thinking that for some reason he might hear about sex earlier than his sister...from another boy at school. Some boys are very silly, and don't know what to do with the info they've been told, and might blurt it out trying to be funny. We thought we'd tell him about it before he heard it from another child, explaining to him not to discuss it with other children, since this was the parent's job to inform them.
[This message has been edited by kippy6 (edited 04-29-2003).]
tagger
05-01-2003, 01:09 AM
The Ironic thing is that I was on my way out just as my daughter was on her way in at the tender age of "just turned ten". One night my husband e=walked into the bedroom as I was reading my "menopause" book and she was reading her "Girl Talk" book. The hormones were just raging! As my daughter is adopted (Chinese) we had no way of predicting when she wuld "come on" so I started the "talks" whane she went camp at the age of nine. Not that that hekped. She seems to be appalled by the whole thing!
I've tried to talk to her about tampax because she is on a racing swim team but she doesn't want anything to do with them. (as I can understand). I think that it will all iron out when one of her friends starts their menarchy and she wil have someone to talk abut it to rather than her "old mom".
Good Luck from the Hormone household...tagger
I've tried to talk to her about tampax because she is on a racing swim team but she doesn't want anything to do with them. (as I can understand). I think that it will all iron out when one of her friends starts their menarchy and she wil have someone to talk abut it to rather than her "old mom".
Good Luck from the Hormone household...tagger
rellboogie
09-21-2004, 07:57 PM
well ladies im new at all of this i just cant find the words to tell her...... please help me with a list of books for me to read so i can feel comfortable talking to her?
Fallen2love
09-28-2004, 12:05 PM
They also have sexed in school most of the time...Thats what my parents did w/ me.
kierrasmommy
09-28-2004, 01:18 PM
I agree with being open with your children and explaining things to them, my sister bought a book that was age appropriate for her young children that explained male bodies, female bodies, reproduction etc. Because it was meant for younger kids it was illustrated and not too scientific...there are alot of books on this subject for all ages...because we are TTC baby #2, I recently bought a couple books that I plan to read to my 2 year old when we become pregnant to explain what is going on with Mommy, and what to expect when we bring a new baby home...one actually shows diagrams and everything, but is written in an age appropriate manner, these were both found in the toddler section so they do cover ALL age ranges. My Daughter is 2 and is learning proper names for her body parts...she calls her vagina her j-eye-na, we haven't started learning the male body yet. But when I notice she is starting to show curiosity toward her Daddy's parts or if she ever happens to see any naked boys (we are in swimming) then I will need to take that step with her, I don't believe things should remain unsaid, but I believe they should be discussed when the child comes to that stage...some children may get to a certain stage earlier or later than others so I believe this should be based on the individual. My mother was not told about any of these things and was in an all girls school (convent) when she got her period and thought she was dying, the nuns had to explain it to her and calm her down. I think because of that and the fact my mother had been date raped, the day I got my period we were booked for a DR appoinmtent to get me birth control, and my mother explained it wasn't because she wanted me to run out and have sex but instead explained what had happened to her, I didn't have sex for 4 years after that even though I was on the pill, so I didn't take that as permission to go out and have sex, but when the time came, at least I was prepared, and I knew to use condoms as well, because I had been fully educated. I had a bag of pads and a box of slender tampons in my closet for a year before I got my period. My neice got her period when she was 8 and she was educated on it so it went pretty smoothly. Over the years I have known and heard of my neice knowing quite a few school mates getting pregnant and it seems they are just getting younger and younger. I believe because kids are losing their virginity at younger ages. Too many kids think it won't happen to them, or think the pull out method is protection enough for not only pregnancy but STD's as well...I'm actually surprised at how many posts I've seen on these boards by teens, who sadly haven't been educated enough. As for masturbation, it is a natural thing and I haven't really decided how or when I will discuss that with my daughter, but I do know that I want her to feel comfortable with all aspects of her body. My friends daughter started masturbating at 2 and she has asked Drs about it who have all said it is natural, some kids do it, some don't, and it's not something to be concerned with. There's not anything "wrong" with a child who is curious earlier than others, or perhaps not as private with it as others. It's something all kids experiment with at one stage or another, I believe telling kids it's bad or dirty only makes them have negative feelings about it in turn not allowing them to feel comfortable with their bodies enough to eventually learn what pleasures them...this has a longterm affect on thier future sex lives. Postively or negatively depending on how it's approached.
jbenavides
11-30-2004, 12:27 AM
And now-a-days its getting earlier and earlier... you would not believe what second and third graders know already... sheesh!