Blue2U
03-13-2003, 04:06 PM
This year has been the worst !! My son is 12 years old, in the 6th grade and is going through a phase where it seems way more important for him to be cool than it is for him to complete his homework and make good grades.
His last report card wasn't good, but wasn't terrible 2 B's the rest C's ......this reportcard that just came out today ..........3 F's, 2 B's ....OH MY GOD !!
I am totally flipping. Every night I have asked him if he has homework, sometimes yes, sometimes no ...when he says Yes, I've checked it to be sure it's right ....when he says "No" ..I've questioned as to why he did not have homework.
Obviously, I need to do more .....I'm a full time working, single parent doing the best I can, when obviously I'm failing him somehow.
When he called me today he said "Mom, I'm in big trouble, I've got the worst reportcard ever" ....
I am so mad I could scream !! Short of putting him on restriction for the full next 9 weeks, taking his TV, video games, stereo, cd's, etc .........HELP !! What can I do to make him see the importance of getting good grades?
His last report card wasn't good, but wasn't terrible 2 B's the rest C's ......this reportcard that just came out today ..........3 F's, 2 B's ....OH MY GOD !!
I am totally flipping. Every night I have asked him if he has homework, sometimes yes, sometimes no ...when he says Yes, I've checked it to be sure it's right ....when he says "No" ..I've questioned as to why he did not have homework.
Obviously, I need to do more .....I'm a full time working, single parent doing the best I can, when obviously I'm failing him somehow.
When he called me today he said "Mom, I'm in big trouble, I've got the worst reportcard ever" ....
I am so mad I could scream !! Short of putting him on restriction for the full next 9 weeks, taking his TV, video games, stereo, cd's, etc .........HELP !! What can I do to make him see the importance of getting good grades?
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Pugbear
03-13-2003, 05:37 PM
I think you are handling this in the wrong way. By shouting and screaming.
Every parent on the planet wants the best for their children of course, but sometimes what parents think is very different from how the child is seeing things.
Your making homework a bore for him, by constantly checking up on him, if hes telling the truth etc..
The best thing my mum ever did for both my sister and I was let us get on with it ourselves. She would never ever pressure us into doing our homework...she would just say 'well its up to you, if you want to work in a supermarket then sure dont do it, dont work hard' and...believe me, this makes you think alot more than shouting and screaming. He'll just start to ignore you as he gets older, slam the door in your face and turn his music up load.
My mum let us develop, and we realised by ourselves that we had ambition to get somewhere. We're both currently at university.
I think you need to give him a little more credit, he obviously has the intelligence (from his first report card).
Also...it has to be taken into account that he is 12, exactly the time you want to be cool, and start to think a little more about girls. This is normal. completely.
I think you should give him a break, encourage him...enable him to make his own choices about his education. Not everyone is destined to be academic, but that is his choice. By constantly pushing him, you could be damaging his outlook on education.
At the end of the day, he will go to college or whatever because HE wants to...not because you do.
Have a chat with him, ask him if he has any problems at school, if he likes it...if he would like the thought of college? explained it will take hard work..but dont push it on him.
Good luck, and please keep us posted.
Every parent on the planet wants the best for their children of course, but sometimes what parents think is very different from how the child is seeing things.
Your making homework a bore for him, by constantly checking up on him, if hes telling the truth etc..
The best thing my mum ever did for both my sister and I was let us get on with it ourselves. She would never ever pressure us into doing our homework...she would just say 'well its up to you, if you want to work in a supermarket then sure dont do it, dont work hard' and...believe me, this makes you think alot more than shouting and screaming. He'll just start to ignore you as he gets older, slam the door in your face and turn his music up load.
My mum let us develop, and we realised by ourselves that we had ambition to get somewhere. We're both currently at university.
I think you need to give him a little more credit, he obviously has the intelligence (from his first report card).
Also...it has to be taken into account that he is 12, exactly the time you want to be cool, and start to think a little more about girls. This is normal. completely.
I think you should give him a break, encourage him...enable him to make his own choices about his education. Not everyone is destined to be academic, but that is his choice. By constantly pushing him, you could be damaging his outlook on education.
At the end of the day, he will go to college or whatever because HE wants to...not because you do.
Have a chat with him, ask him if he has any problems at school, if he likes it...if he would like the thought of college? explained it will take hard work..but dont push it on him.
Good luck, and please keep us posted.
Blue2U
03-13-2003, 05:49 PM
I haven't yelled and screamed at him ....I said I feel like screaming.
As far as checking up on him .....I don't think I was making it clear that he's lying about having homework. His teacher states he never writes his homework in his planner, as everyone in his class is instructed to do. Then he comes home and when I say "Hey there, any homework to do tonight?" He lies and says "No" ....when he does !!
When I say, "Hey, any tests this week we need to study for" ...He says "No" when he's lying.
Am I reading your advice correctly? I should not ask, I should not check and I should basically have the thinking that it's up to him whether or not he fails the 6th grade?
I don't think that's wise ......or am I taking your advice incorrectly?
As far as checking up on him .....I don't think I was making it clear that he's lying about having homework. His teacher states he never writes his homework in his planner, as everyone in his class is instructed to do. Then he comes home and when I say "Hey there, any homework to do tonight?" He lies and says "No" ....when he does !!
When I say, "Hey, any tests this week we need to study for" ...He says "No" when he's lying.
Am I reading your advice correctly? I should not ask, I should not check and I should basically have the thinking that it's up to him whether or not he fails the 6th grade?
I don't think that's wise ......or am I taking your advice incorrectly?
charby15
03-13-2003, 05:58 PM
I have to disagree with pugbear because i was a bad student that needed my parents to push me. I didn't know until the day of graduation weather or not i was going to graduate. I lucked out and did graduate. I tried college and hated it. But now that i have a wonderful job i am finishing college.
My brother is 17 and a senior and if my parents didn't push him and ground him and take things away he would not be graduating!!! That would be so irresponsible as a parent to sit back and watch your CHILD fail!! They are your responsibility atleast until the age of 18. Then if he doesn't want to go to college thats his choic. BUt you need to make him understand how important it is to have a diploma!! My parents didn't yell and scream, but they didn't hesitate to punish us because of our bad grades!!! And if you have to fight, agrue, ground and be a mean awful parent for a while they will understand sooner or later why education is soo important. What my parents are doing with my brother is they have a tutor set up for him. They get weekly progress reports from his teachers and he has a sheet that has all his classes on it. Everyday the teachers put his homework, when it is due and so on and signs it. That way my parents can monitor him and keep on him to get it done otherwise he wouldnt do anything! I think as a parent you have to do whatever it takes to make sure your kids get an education. Maybe some of those idea's will work with your son. Sounds like he used to get good grades before so it shouldn't be too hard to get him back in the swing of things. Just DON'T GIVE UP!!
My brother is 17 and a senior and if my parents didn't push him and ground him and take things away he would not be graduating!!! That would be so irresponsible as a parent to sit back and watch your CHILD fail!! They are your responsibility atleast until the age of 18. Then if he doesn't want to go to college thats his choic. BUt you need to make him understand how important it is to have a diploma!! My parents didn't yell and scream, but they didn't hesitate to punish us because of our bad grades!!! And if you have to fight, agrue, ground and be a mean awful parent for a while they will understand sooner or later why education is soo important. What my parents are doing with my brother is they have a tutor set up for him. They get weekly progress reports from his teachers and he has a sheet that has all his classes on it. Everyday the teachers put his homework, when it is due and so on and signs it. That way my parents can monitor him and keep on him to get it done otherwise he wouldnt do anything! I think as a parent you have to do whatever it takes to make sure your kids get an education. Maybe some of those idea's will work with your son. Sounds like he used to get good grades before so it shouldn't be too hard to get him back in the swing of things. Just DON'T GIVE UP!!
charby15
03-13-2003, 06:09 PM
I just read your other post and if he is lying i would set up a meeting with his teachers and have them check his planner every day and sign off on his homework and still sign it if he really has none. Have them put tests and everything and sign it EVERYDAY. Make him responsible for having the teachers sign it too, tell him if it is not signed my each teacher everyday you will call his teacher and find out if there is homework and weather or not he is lying and if that is the case that is a week of being grounded everytime!!! Limit his phone calls, TV, playstation, computer (for personal use) time for after his homework is done and checked!! I know it is hard being a single parent, but if thats what you gotta do then do it!! YOu sound like you are doing a wonderful job and keep it up! Again i hope my advice helps!
Dramaqueen
03-13-2003, 08:20 PM
It depends what sort of child he is, some need to be pushed and other don't. I personally would never do my homework if my family pushed me, i'd do it because I needed to not because someone was telling me to do it.
The whole "well you'll end up in a supermarket" thing works well but bribery really works too. However I know some parents don't like going down that path. Saying you'll buy him something if is report card is good, or even just saying you can use the computer as long as your homeworks done.
[This message has been edited by Dramaqueen (edited 03-13-2003).]
The whole "well you'll end up in a supermarket" thing works well but bribery really works too. However I know some parents don't like going down that path. Saying you'll buy him something if is report card is good, or even just saying you can use the computer as long as your homeworks done.
[This message has been edited by Dramaqueen (edited 03-13-2003).]
sakara33
04-29-2003, 01:59 AM
This is what I did with my 17 yr old and my 12 yr old. I got a notebook and sent it to school with them,(talked to there teachers to let them know what I was doing)they would have to get it signed by each teacher and if they had homework or not, or had any missing homework that hadn't been turned in, and I would in return sign also so the teacher would know that I knew what was going on. And for everytime they didn't get it signed, they would have something taken away....video games, computer, TV phone,skateboard,not getting to go with friends,etc.... after awhile of this I think they realized what I was asking of them,(you have to be patience and follow through) and it seems to working and one thing I have learned....with both of my kids is that I never ground them to there room....they both like staying in there room .......but sometimes you have to get there attention....I have also with my oldest son (17yr old) we got his progress report and he had 3 F's my hubby (which is his step dad) and I talked about it and we evicted him from his room....(locked it up)he lived out of 2 boxes in the living room until he got those 3 F's up to D's and then we let him back in his room.......he hated it...really hated it......anyway hope this helped.....
[This message has been edited by sakara33 (edited 04-29-2003).]
[This message has been edited by sakara33 (edited 04-29-2003).]
kippy6
04-29-2003, 11:45 AM
How's his confidence in general? Does he have a low opinion of himself?
Also, I have a child who needs help in these areas too. You've all had great advice for getting the homework completed and getting the tests written down. Are the teachers really cooperative with writing down all this info for your child? I just want to know what to expect before I ask my child's teacher this.
Also, at my house, knowing about tests, and having the child remember when they are and when to study a big struggle. Even bringing home the right books to use to study seems like an impossible task. Please tell me how the notes help the child w/tests. Thanks.
Also, I have a child who needs help in these areas too. You've all had great advice for getting the homework completed and getting the tests written down. Are the teachers really cooperative with writing down all this info for your child? I just want to know what to expect before I ask my child's teacher this.
Also, at my house, knowing about tests, and having the child remember when they are and when to study a big struggle. Even bringing home the right books to use to study seems like an impossible task. Please tell me how the notes help the child w/tests. Thanks.
sakara33
04-29-2003, 01:05 PM
How's his confidence in general? Does he have a low opinion of himself?
To answer your questions, yes his confidence in general is a little low and his opinion of himself also (but he is getting better)....but I think that is because he doesn't like school, he doesn't care about school (talking about 17yr old) he hates school and doesn't see the big picture of why it is so important. He has made good grades in the past and we know, and even the teachers know he can do it, its just getting him to care enough about it to try, and when he does try he feels better about himself. And we have had to stay on him about this. I do believe all kids need and even want the extra push, all kids want there parents to care and show interest in what they do and not just in school, in everyday life. I know with my 17yr old he loves skateboarding and even though I don't like the sport, I show interest in it(because it matters to him) and go watch him outside even if it just for 15 to 20 minutes, and actually he is pretty good at it.
And knowing about the tests, was a hard one for me also, I have access to there grades and assignments online now, so they can't lie about anything anymore lol....but before they had that, I would call each teacher and find out if they had any tests for that week, and have him bring the books home that were needed. And yes it is a pain...to go through all of this, but the way I look at it is, my mother let me quit school and I only had 2 years to go, and I had a hard time. As I got older I seen things more clearly. What I am saying I just don't want my son to struggle like I did and I want more for him then I had....I guess we all do, but if it takes me pushing him to finish high school, I will do it....you know he may hate me for it now, but eventually he will see the big picture and love me for it. So just keep in touch with the teachers...that is basically all I did. Good luck and if you need anything else just let me know....
To answer your questions, yes his confidence in general is a little low and his opinion of himself also (but he is getting better)....but I think that is because he doesn't like school, he doesn't care about school (talking about 17yr old) he hates school and doesn't see the big picture of why it is so important. He has made good grades in the past and we know, and even the teachers know he can do it, its just getting him to care enough about it to try, and when he does try he feels better about himself. And we have had to stay on him about this. I do believe all kids need and even want the extra push, all kids want there parents to care and show interest in what they do and not just in school, in everyday life. I know with my 17yr old he loves skateboarding and even though I don't like the sport, I show interest in it(because it matters to him) and go watch him outside even if it just for 15 to 20 minutes, and actually he is pretty good at it.
And knowing about the tests, was a hard one for me also, I have access to there grades and assignments online now, so they can't lie about anything anymore lol....but before they had that, I would call each teacher and find out if they had any tests for that week, and have him bring the books home that were needed. And yes it is a pain...to go through all of this, but the way I look at it is, my mother let me quit school and I only had 2 years to go, and I had a hard time. As I got older I seen things more clearly. What I am saying I just don't want my son to struggle like I did and I want more for him then I had....I guess we all do, but if it takes me pushing him to finish high school, I will do it....you know he may hate me for it now, but eventually he will see the big picture and love me for it. So just keep in touch with the teachers...that is basically all I did. Good luck and if you need anything else just let me know....
kippy6
04-30-2003, 12:02 AM
Hi. I think you're right, that all kids want their parents to show an interest in what they do. And yes, they do want that extra push. It's encouragement. They might not feel inspired to achieve their potential, so sometimes they need that extra encouragement. That's what so many of these grown kids look back on and thank their parents for. Giving them the encouragement to do things they didn't think they could do, or helping them get on the right track when they strayed off of it. That's our job, isn't it?
There are so many hard decisions to make as parents, and when your child making the same bad choices over and over again, sometimes it is hard finding encouraging words to say that relate specifically to that issue... sometimes it just goes downhill from there. I struggle to find encouraging words for the ongoing problem of not bringing home books to study. I've tried everything. Or, bringing home the math wkbk, but not the textbook to help complete homework questions. I guess that's where getting them back on the right track has to take over...consequences explained w/love. Then as you see progress, then you can encourage them like crazy!!
I also can access grades online, but my child's teacher doesn't input the grades until the end of the 6 weeks, so it's really not very much help. Also, her main teacher is VERY NICE, but just does not return calls or e-mails all the time. I have gone into her classroom before to ask questions, and have seen other parents in there doing the same thing. I hope next year my child gets a teacher who has the time to respond to her messages.
[This message has been edited by kippy6 (edited 04-29-2003).]
There are so many hard decisions to make as parents, and when your child making the same bad choices over and over again, sometimes it is hard finding encouraging words to say that relate specifically to that issue... sometimes it just goes downhill from there. I struggle to find encouraging words for the ongoing problem of not bringing home books to study. I've tried everything. Or, bringing home the math wkbk, but not the textbook to help complete homework questions. I guess that's where getting them back on the right track has to take over...consequences explained w/love. Then as you see progress, then you can encourage them like crazy!!
I also can access grades online, but my child's teacher doesn't input the grades until the end of the 6 weeks, so it's really not very much help. Also, her main teacher is VERY NICE, but just does not return calls or e-mails all the time. I have gone into her classroom before to ask questions, and have seen other parents in there doing the same thing. I hope next year my child gets a teacher who has the time to respond to her messages.
[This message has been edited by kippy6 (edited 04-29-2003).]
Karla
05-21-2003, 09:10 AM
I have found with my 14 year old and 17 year olds that the only way I can make sure that they are not lying to me and make sure they are in class and getting there homework done and studying for tests is to have their teachers sign off every day stating what there homework is and if they made it to class on time. Our school provides "behaviour sheets" for kids that are having these types of problems. Talk to your teachers and set up a dialog between you and them. good luck.