pacu
12-27-2002, 10:13 PM
I feel kind of weird asking this but maybe you woman can give me some insight about this issue, my wife has always given my 2 boys a bath before bedtime, now my oldest is 10 yrs old and now he sometimes gets in the shower with her, I tell her not to allow him to get in the shower with her, but she saids its ok, that there's nothing wrong with that, I think he's a little big now to be taking a bath with her. She saids that they are her boys and that she has nothing to hide or be afraid of, they are her boys. Even around the house, she is sometimes a little under dressed, and I dont think that the boys should be seeing her like this. What do you moms think about this?
Steve
Steve
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nat12345
12-28-2002, 01:47 AM
Hi steve...i am a mom, and totally agree with you. That is too old to be showering with his mother. Although i have no idea what you should say to her seeing how she already has her mind made up that this is ok. If it hasnt stoped yet and she is perfectly fine with it when will it stop...ill think on this for you and maybe some up with a polite way to tell your wife that this is uneceptable.
Natasha
Natasha
Greenberry
12-28-2002, 11:53 AM
In my mind, I always seem to draw the line of co-ed bathing sometime around either when a child is completely potty-trained, or about the time they start school. Both of these should have been accomplished for a 10 year old. I think 10 is way too old to be bathing with ANYONE else, of either gender. Putting a 3 year old and 5 year in the tub together is one thing, but a 10 year boy bathing with his mother seems a little odd to me--for that matter, a 10 year old girl bathing with her mother also seems odd to me. However, if you have spoken with your wife, and she still thinks it's all right, I don't what else you can do, other than print out these responses and show them to her. Maybe that will help.
mushroom1
12-28-2002, 12:32 PM
I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" here. It is just custom and what one is comfortable with. My husband and I both allowed our children to shower with us as long as they wanted to...and it usually ended about 9 or 10.
When I was a kid, our family was friends with another family that had 6 children...and they built a huge Japanese bath, just so the whole family could bathe together on weekends. They even invited friends in with them...
My upbringing was much more prudish, so I was not having ANYTHING to do with that, but I don't see it as wrong, just different.
I think that your wife and sons get to decide what is comfortable/normal for them and I would not interfere unless I felt my spouse were doing something harmful to my child. How is seeing your own mother naked harmful?
When I was a kid, our family was friends with another family that had 6 children...and they built a huge Japanese bath, just so the whole family could bathe together on weekends. They even invited friends in with them...
My upbringing was much more prudish, so I was not having ANYTHING to do with that, but I don't see it as wrong, just different.
I think that your wife and sons get to decide what is comfortable/normal for them and I would not interfere unless I felt my spouse were doing something harmful to my child. How is seeing your own mother naked harmful?
pacu
12-28-2002, 04:01 PM
Thanks Nat and Green for your insight on this matter, I'm glad someone agrees with me, as for muchroom, well I'm very much opened minded about things, but this is too much. When I was a child, I too saw my mom naked alot, but not cause she parade around the house that way, or took a shower with me either. I know there's nothing harmful with him seeing her naked but there has to be a line somewhere.
Thanks Again
Steve
Thanks Again
Steve
*SoccerMom*
12-28-2002, 07:07 PM
Pacu~
I agree with you that 10 is a little old to take a bath with his mom. I think we are open-minded but since my son was about 5, he started asking questions about differences in our bodies. I openly answered his questions but I realized that he was becoming "too aware" of the differences. When he was bathing himself, I would still go in to assist him with washing his hair or etc. That all came to a stop when he was about 10 and was becoming very aware of his body changes and was feeling uncomfortable with me in there. He is now 12 and will only allow me to see him in the nude if he is sick or if it is totally necessary. Maybe your wife should talk to your son about what his "comfort zones" are with this but I agree with you that this should stop. Best of Luck!
I agree with you that 10 is a little old to take a bath with his mom. I think we are open-minded but since my son was about 5, he started asking questions about differences in our bodies. I openly answered his questions but I realized that he was becoming "too aware" of the differences. When he was bathing himself, I would still go in to assist him with washing his hair or etc. That all came to a stop when he was about 10 and was becoming very aware of his body changes and was feeling uncomfortable with me in there. He is now 12 and will only allow me to see him in the nude if he is sick or if it is totally necessary. Maybe your wife should talk to your son about what his "comfort zones" are with this but I agree with you that this should stop. Best of Luck!
rainflower
01-09-2003, 10:55 PM
I am a single mother with two sons 10 years and almost seven years old. If they havent had baths and we are running out of time they both jump in with me, get washed and jump back out- no big deal. But being around me without clothes has never been a big deal to them, My parents freaked out if I even saw them in their underwear and I can tell you I always wondered what the "big deal" was. I have always wanted my sons comfortable with their bodies and nakedness in general- being unclothed doesnt cause problems in my opinion, rather the actions and intent that go along with it. Believe me as soon as my boys decide this doesnt work for them anymore then no problem- for us it is just easier and quicker, and no there arent any sexual overtones at all- just a matter of taking care of business. But every family is different and each child has limitations- knowing their comfort zone and respecting it is a huge thing and must be respected I agree absolutely on it. So I guess I dont think its a big deal that your wife does this but if you do then you need to talk about it and deal with it because it obviously is an issue in your household.
pacu
01-13-2003, 06:48 PM
Rainflower
Thanks for your point of view, I do agree with you to some point, but I just think that there should be a limit here, I mean I do want them to see comfortable with their bodies, but not when he's 10 trs old and already starting to ask certain questions, thats what I mean. but thanks anyway ok
Steve
Thanks for your point of view, I do agree with you to some point, but I just think that there should be a limit here, I mean I do want them to see comfortable with their bodies, but not when he's 10 trs old and already starting to ask certain questions, thats what I mean. but thanks anyway ok
Steve
LookingForHealth
01-14-2003, 04:15 AM
There's just a certain time when the lines become crossed... what about a middle school boy taking a shower with his mom? Disgusting. It should never be happening as soon as the 1st clue of puberty is seen...the girl and the mother is different, but a boy and his mother, it's no longer cute to be a momma's boy past a certain age.
rainflower
01-15-2003, 12:33 AM
I think that each situation is different. Certainly if questions are being asked and there is a feeling of uncomfortableness felt by any person involved then yes, absolutely there needs to be a change.
Before I was a mother I would have thought that 10 years was too old, in our situation it still works fine, for how long I dont know. And most certainly when the time comes for it to change it will.
And yes, I think I am guilty for making my sons mama's boys, but may I add if its a choice between them acting like me and like my ex husband..Good Lord- I hope its me. Have a good day.
Before I was a mother I would have thought that 10 years was too old, in our situation it still works fine, for how long I dont know. And most certainly when the time comes for it to change it will.
And yes, I think I am guilty for making my sons mama's boys, but may I add if its a choice between them acting like me and like my ex husband..Good Lord- I hope its me. Have a good day.
rainflower
01-15-2003, 12:33 AM
I think that each situation is different. Certainly if questions are being asked and there is a feeling of uncomfortableness felt by any person involved then yes, absolutely there needs to be a change.
Before I was a mother I would have thought that 10 years was too old, in our situation it still works fine, for how long I dont know. And most certainly when the time comes for it to change it will.
And yes, I think I am guilty for making my sons mama's boys, but may I add if its a choice between them acting like me and like my ex husband..Good Lord- I hope its me. Have a good day.
Before I was a mother I would have thought that 10 years was too old, in our situation it still works fine, for how long I dont know. And most certainly when the time comes for it to change it will.
And yes, I think I am guilty for making my sons mama's boys, but may I add if its a choice between them acting like me and like my ex husband..Good Lord- I hope its me. Have a good day.
LookingForHealth
01-16-2003, 12:57 PM
If the other boys at school find out that Timmy Joe showers with his mom, what would happen?
Greenberry
01-16-2003, 02:20 PM
Yikes! Good point!
LookingForHealth
01-17-2003, 02:21 AM
Oh yea. If Timmy Joe and his mother BOTH don't think anything is wrong and see it as normal, then Timmy Joe will tell his friends about it because to him it is perfectly normal.
rainflower
01-18-2003, 03:53 PM
Yes. And then Timmy Joe can begin thinking for himself and hopefully realize at a young age that it is perfectly acceptable if not encouraged to be his own unique person. Perhaps stand up for himself. Maybe even laugh at himself and say yeah that is funny guys, come home and say Mom I think I am ready to take a shower by myself. And maybe just maybe he can learn that not every single "little" thing needs to be blown out of proportion and made into a big deal.
Just a thought....
Just a thought....
LookingForHealth
01-19-2003, 12:00 AM
Kids are horribly cruel and at age 10 or 11 in the 5th grade, it's not going to be a quick 1 day thing when the guys tease him about it.
rainflower
01-19-2003, 01:12 AM
Thank you for your thoughts, my son was held back in first grade, he is now in third grade- he just turned 10 in November. So far even though my sons are sheltered, they have lots of friends and we havent had any problems with meaness or bullies. I know they are quickly approaching the age where I will have to allow them to toughen up, but right now I am enjoying my sons innocence. THey enjoy both Pokemon and Pooh. We dont have cable nor have we for the past three years- we will most likely in the next two years. It is hard to make them grow up so fast- but I realize this is a necessity in this day and age. thanks again.
Cheryl3
01-20-2003, 12:14 PM
If you are bothered by it and would like it to stop, why not try this approach: Tell your wife, "Honey, you have so little time for yourself. I feel bad that you have to have the boys in there with you even when you are showering. Why don't you let me take care of getting them bathed and you enjoy some privacy and time for yourself." Then present her with a little gift of bath products, body scrub, scented shower gel or something she can pamper herself with from you and the boys.
Or, since your wife seems to be sensitive about it, maybe you should talk to your older son about it. Rather than telling him, "You're too old to shower with mom anymore," ask him if he thinks he could help out by taking care of bathing himself and his little brother. Tell him what a big help this would be to mom and dad, and maybe even offer him a raise to his allowance or some sort of special priviledge for helping out with his brother. If he agrees to this, suggest that HE make the offer to your wife. He'll feel proud to be helping out and maybe your wife will be touched by the gesture.
Lastly, keep in mind that maybe this was a special "bonding" ritual for your wife and son when he was little and she is reluctant to give it up because she doesn't know what to replace it with. As the mother of an 8-year-old, I can tell you that it gets harder to "connect" with them as they get older, and it hurts to feel that they are slipping away from you. Why not offer to watch your younger son occasionally so your wife can take your older son to a movie, arcade, shopping, or whatever. Or offer to occupy your younger son for a while each evening so your wife can read a book with your older son. I try to read out of a chapter book such as Harry Potter at least every other night to my 8-year-old while my husband gets my 2-year-old settled down for bed. This is a very special time for us and my son loves it. I think sometimes moms feel like we spend so much time and effort on the youngest child that the older child gets cheated. This is probably why your wife continues to invite your older son into the shower. She doesn't want to seem like she's giving the younger one special treatment. So it might help to ensure that she has the time to spend some one-on-one time with your older son. Hope this helps!
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
Or, since your wife seems to be sensitive about it, maybe you should talk to your older son about it. Rather than telling him, "You're too old to shower with mom anymore," ask him if he thinks he could help out by taking care of bathing himself and his little brother. Tell him what a big help this would be to mom and dad, and maybe even offer him a raise to his allowance or some sort of special priviledge for helping out with his brother. If he agrees to this, suggest that HE make the offer to your wife. He'll feel proud to be helping out and maybe your wife will be touched by the gesture.
Lastly, keep in mind that maybe this was a special "bonding" ritual for your wife and son when he was little and she is reluctant to give it up because she doesn't know what to replace it with. As the mother of an 8-year-old, I can tell you that it gets harder to "connect" with them as they get older, and it hurts to feel that they are slipping away from you. Why not offer to watch your younger son occasionally so your wife can take your older son to a movie, arcade, shopping, or whatever. Or offer to occupy your younger son for a while each evening so your wife can read a book with your older son. I try to read out of a chapter book such as Harry Potter at least every other night to my 8-year-old while my husband gets my 2-year-old settled down for bed. This is a very special time for us and my son loves it. I think sometimes moms feel like we spend so much time and effort on the youngest child that the older child gets cheated. This is probably why your wife continues to invite your older son into the shower. She doesn't want to seem like she's giving the younger one special treatment. So it might help to ensure that she has the time to spend some one-on-one time with your older son. Hope this helps!
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
bruised
01-20-2003, 01:57 PM
Pacu..I agree with Cheryl on what to say with son,but I don't understand why a 10yr old is having a shower with his mom.If anything he should be showering,so to speak with his dad.His dad is the one with the "parts"that he has.I'm actually uncomfortable with this at 10 yrs old.When our son was younger I had showers with him,he's 5 now.I stopped showering with him because I figured he needs his independance.I don't ever remember me,showering with my dad?We have a 2 yr old d that I shower with but she's a girl.Our son and d bath together,but our d curiosity kills the cat when she sees sons"parts".And son asks why hers aren't like his.We say boys are different from girls.Son has seen me naked,but when he starts asking questions,I kind of shut the door on it.All he needs to know at his age is mommy has her privates and daddy has his privates.I don't feel I need to get into detail right now.The last thing I'd want him to do,is prance around kindergarten saying I have a "penis" and you have a "vagina".Kids at his age are strange this way.They blab everything anywhere,anytime.So details right now is out of the question.At 10 yrs old the son and other son should mabe shower together,not with his mom.JMO
LookingForHealth
01-21-2003, 01:04 AM
I agree bruised, 5th grade boy showering with mom just isnt normal. What is the need? He definitely knows how to wash himself by that age. A lot of my friends who are moms shower with their 1, 2 and 3 year old girls...normal.
If a dad and his 10 yr old daughter were showering together, people would think that was ODD/perverted.
If a dad and his 10 yr old daughter were showering together, people would think that was ODD/perverted.
mushroom1
01-24-2003, 05:06 AM
I don't understand why many of you think it is wrong to shower with a 10 year old...it is just not YOUR style. To each his own on this one, so long as the child feels comfortable.
LookingForHealth
01-24-2003, 02:18 PM
Because I can clearly remember that age (9 years ago) and I was in 5th grade and would never take a shower with either parent. They'd probably see me naked sometimes but by that age I think I would have felt too old to shower with my mom. Dad? Out of the question! I think dads and daughters stop doing that once kindergarten starts...it's just awkward...a little girl past the age of 5 standing in the shower with her dad's hairy penis right there?!
Greenberry
01-24-2003, 04:50 PM
Maybe I am just old-fashioned, but I think in MOST cases in life, there is a clear right and wrong, good and bad, ok and not ok. And I think adults bathing with 10 year olds falls into the NOT OK category. If someone else thinks differently, whatever. But if asked my opinion about co-ed adult/child bathing, I am going to give it.
LookingForHealth
01-24-2003, 06:38 PM
I totally agree Greenberry...I think if I asked all the "normal" people in my surrounding they would all agree that it is WEIRD, esp for a father and daughter.
wattagirl
01-24-2003, 11:59 PM
i hate to offend anyone but i just think it is weird for a mother to bathe/shower with her 10 yr old-daughter or son really-i mean if he has always done this then he doesn't know any difference-i just wonder if years later he will remember and think what the world was that about
mushroom1
01-25-2003, 03:02 AM
My little girl turned 9 in December, but up until her birthday, she had been occasionally showering with my husband or me on weekends. One of us would already be in the shower and she would ask to join in. She has not asked once since her birthday. It just seems to me that children know what they are comfortable with and know when to stop. I think she will have some nice memories of showering with her father...I don't think she will be embarrassed.
She attends a Montessori school and they swim once a week...she showers afterwards with all of the other girls and the female teachers. She seems fine with it. She is a happy kid.
Someone posted that they were "just old fashioned about it" but, modesty has fluctuated throughout history. Our society is actually much more modest than it has been many stages in history.
She attends a Montessori school and they swim once a week...she showers afterwards with all of the other girls and the female teachers. She seems fine with it. She is a happy kid.
Someone posted that they were "just old fashioned about it" but, modesty has fluctuated throughout history. Our society is actually much more modest than it has been many stages in history.
LookingForHealth
01-25-2003, 05:18 AM
I don't know, no one I have ever known would shower with their dad at age 10...it's just unnecessary to 'join in' at such an age. Today many girls are developing pubic/underarm hair, periods, sometimes breast growth at that age. Add to that their awareness of the other sex (basic sex ed is taught at that age) plus seeing their own dad's hairy penis and showering right next to it. Nightmares! I maybe could understand a mother/daughter (mom in her bathing suit) who took a shower together after the beach, but thats about it!! I've also seen that sometimes girls that age will shower with their best friends, being goofy.
Cheryl3
01-26-2003, 01:32 AM
For those who can't even stomach the thought of parents and and their same gender children showering together, haven't you ever been in a locker room? If you don't belong to a real swanky health club, sometimes there aren't even any curtains or partitions on the showers.
bruised
01-26-2003, 02:12 AM
To tell you the truth,When I was about 12 and we went swimming for school,I remember the girls flaunting their little bras.I was too embarrassed to do that.I remember now I couldn't understand how they could do that.Even in Grade 8 when we had P.E. they would flaunt their underwear.I still would change in the bathroom.I guess I was raised differently.That your parts aren't for everyone to see.I'm still private to this day even though I'm an adult.Back to the topic though,I still don't think that at that age the kids shouldn't be showering with parents.I would say it's private time for either mommy or daddy and they don't need the kids around.
LookingForHealth
01-26-2003, 05:29 AM
I think the reason this is so 'weird' to the majority of us is because it's parents and their not-so-young children showering/bathing together...if i saw a mom in a locker room, well, it isnt MY mom! lol
Cheryl3
01-26-2003, 11:55 AM
never mind! :)
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
mushroom1
01-26-2003, 03:12 PM
My mother still sees me naked on occasion (when she visits) and I am 40 years old...she watched me deliver my first two children.
LookingForHealth
01-26-2003, 03:34 PM
Well past a certain childhood age I think it would be disturbing if I had seen the crotch of my parents especially dad since I am f. My family sometimes sees my ass cheeks but nothing else. I think that everyone I know would agree with that. If you have a 10 year old and you still leave the bathroom unlocked, well I've never heard of it...of course seeing them naked would be different but if a young teen sees their parents crotch (esp a dad), breasts it is very awkward and just isn't comfortable. This all reminds me of this woman on Dr Phil who was justifying breastfeeding her 8 year old. I said to myself why don't you just keep doing it until high school or college?
Cheryl3
01-26-2003, 04:35 PM
Never mind again :)
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
bruised
01-26-2003, 05:19 PM
lookingforhealth...I saw that Dr.Phil episode too!I thought she had rocks in her head!!Something in her brain is not normal.8yrs old and still breastfeeding because she felt like she was neglecting her child/ren from the nutrients she thought she could provide.Give me a break!I was very disturbed by that and that her kids didn't know better then to do that.That's pshycological problems for the kids.But as for the mom,she doesn't know, I guess what she's doing mentally.That's a topic all in itself!LOL
LookingForHealth
01-26-2003, 08:41 PM
I haven't birthed any kids but I take care of 2 every single day, and I work at a childcare. I'm not some random person who works at a bakery and has never been around a kid.
4 years old is not 10 or 11 years old. No one is saying 4 years old is too old. We are talking about middle school. The 1 and 3 year old girls I nanny for are like my own...if I have to go to the bathroom or take a shower the door is open and the 1 year old doesn't care obviously doesn't even know, and I don't let the 3 year old see much. She has a big mouth at that age. The only difference is that if she were mine, I would not care about her seeing me because we would be related and she is still awfully young and theres no other 'mom' she can report to.
I think people are confusing 1. older kids shouldn't see their parents naked to 2. younger kids being unsupervised while mom is alone in shower.
4 years old is not 10 or 11 years old. No one is saying 4 years old is too old. We are talking about middle school. The 1 and 3 year old girls I nanny for are like my own...if I have to go to the bathroom or take a shower the door is open and the 1 year old doesn't care obviously doesn't even know, and I don't let the 3 year old see much. She has a big mouth at that age. The only difference is that if she were mine, I would not care about her seeing me because we would be related and she is still awfully young and theres no other 'mom' she can report to.
I think people are confusing 1. older kids shouldn't see their parents naked to 2. younger kids being unsupervised while mom is alone in shower.
Cheryl3
01-26-2003, 09:23 PM
nt
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
rainflower
01-26-2003, 10:23 PM
Wow...lots of opinions on this topic, which I think is a good thing. Of course lots of different issues also being roped together and treated as the same issue.
I dont think breastfeeding an 8 year old can logically be compared to showering with a 10 year old, two totally separate things.
The biggest thing here is not only offering insight on what happens in their households-or what is acceptable in their eyes, but taking those opinions and saying that their opinions is Gods truth for everyone.
My ten year old is different then anyone elses 10 year old, and as long as I am sensitive to his boundaries and his feelings- then no one should say I am wrong for what works in our family.
Maybe it seems I am saying this because I am on the side which most people are against but truly it doesnt matter which "side" anyone is on. I only offered my experience and opinion to the father who started this thread for him to consider to see if it offered any insight not to make him agree with me or tell him he is doing wrong things.
I realize that these days in our society we have to be careful because there are people who will harm children at the bat of an eye and not even pause..but thats not the case in my household. Frankly I am a little turned off by my experience here. I feel everyone is not only giving their opinions to share but to judge. I try so hard not to judge others, who am I to do this? Every life situation is different, please remember that. Judging is so petty and really it only keeps us from being better people ourselves..me included.
take care.
I dont think breastfeeding an 8 year old can logically be compared to showering with a 10 year old, two totally separate things.
The biggest thing here is not only offering insight on what happens in their households-or what is acceptable in their eyes, but taking those opinions and saying that their opinions is Gods truth for everyone.
My ten year old is different then anyone elses 10 year old, and as long as I am sensitive to his boundaries and his feelings- then no one should say I am wrong for what works in our family.
Maybe it seems I am saying this because I am on the side which most people are against but truly it doesnt matter which "side" anyone is on. I only offered my experience and opinion to the father who started this thread for him to consider to see if it offered any insight not to make him agree with me or tell him he is doing wrong things.
I realize that these days in our society we have to be careful because there are people who will harm children at the bat of an eye and not even pause..but thats not the case in my household. Frankly I am a little turned off by my experience here. I feel everyone is not only giving their opinions to share but to judge. I try so hard not to judge others, who am I to do this? Every life situation is different, please remember that. Judging is so petty and really it only keeps us from being better people ourselves..me included.
take care.
LookingForHealth
01-27-2003, 03:38 AM
I honestly think people on these boards only start to judge when they see a post that has "crossed the line" in their eyes. Each 10 year old is different, but people are 'picturing' things here. They are picturing a mom and her 10 year old son (all of us think of a different kid) and think it is just plain weird. It's hard to explain, but from what I am picturing it's odd. It's not sexual abuse, it's not scarring them for life, it's just weird. In my eyes a 10 year old is usually starting to develop, is perfectly capable of showering himself and should want to do it alone. The 'seeing the mom naked while putting on a robe' is not unusual. The showering together is just odd for many reasons. Is it normal to do that with your mom when you're in middle or high school? No...so what makes someone think it will just one day stop--esp if both parties do not want to stop.
Starbuk498
02-14-2003, 11:15 AM
Hey mushroom
And it would be perfectly normal for your father to see you naked at 40? come on what is wrong with you.....you don't see the problem with a 10 year old boy showering with his mother? How about a 10 year old girl showering with her father???
That is just sick, sick, sick.
My god.......kids are maturing at such a younger age today.........going through puberty at such a younger age today.....what is wrong with you????
P.S. I see a lot of your postings on the pregnancy board too.......you seem to cause a lot of controversy with your advice.....which a lot of people find very disturbing.....
Stefanie -
And it would be perfectly normal for your father to see you naked at 40? come on what is wrong with you.....you don't see the problem with a 10 year old boy showering with his mother? How about a 10 year old girl showering with her father???
That is just sick, sick, sick.
My god.......kids are maturing at such a younger age today.........going through puberty at such a younger age today.....what is wrong with you????
P.S. I see a lot of your postings on the pregnancy board too.......you seem to cause a lot of controversy with your advice.....which a lot of people find very disturbing.....
Stefanie -
LookingForHealth
02-14-2003, 05:54 PM
I agree that it is sick for a 10 year old girl to shower with her father. If the father can't see that, there's something horribly wrong. The mother and 10 year old son is bad too!
Maybe my dad saw me briefly naked at that age but never did we scrub a dub together at that age. Not with mom either.
I'm a girl.
Maybe my dad saw me briefly naked at that age but never did we scrub a dub together at that age. Not with mom either.
I'm a girl.
FrJackHackett
02-23-2003, 10:55 PM
These different viewpoints are interesting. My parents and I always saw one another about the house naked without thinking anything much of it - I lived at home till I was thirty-three. Showers were always private though as I recall. Once I was taught how to wash properly when very young I was left to get on with it. I certainly wouldn't have been comfortable showering with my mother when I was ten. It's much the same as little kids getting into their parents beds in the morning. As soon as I became sexually aware, at about nine or ten, I didn't fancy doing it any more. In other cultures, e.g. the Philippines, (my wife is a Filipina) entirely different habits prevail and parents sleep with children in ways which seem quite bizarre to me. But hey, most of them seem to grow up into well balanced adults.
LookingForHealth
02-24-2003, 08:45 PM
33?!
FrJackHackett
02-24-2003, 10:14 PM
Yes. I got on very well with my parents and saw little sense in living anywhere else. The house was pretty big and I lived more or less independently. I married at thirty-three and my wife and I bought a place of our own. It is interesting that you find that peculiar.
LookingForHealth
02-25-2003, 02:06 AM
Here in Southern California, children, especially males, are out of the house when college starts...the latest they would stay is when college ends. It's very healthy and normal to take responsibility of your life at age 18 and leave the house by about age 21. Today on Dr. Phil he was strongly against 2 brothers in their late 20's who still lived at home. No one is making fun of someone who stays much longer than others do, they (on the show) just classify it as a 'lazy' 'buying time' 'mommas boy' 'childish' guy. That's what they said on the show today.
franjo
02-25-2003, 03:22 AM
Hi everyone!
I wonder if Steve (the original poster) is aware of the discussions he's raised. He hasn't posted here for awhile. I wonder how it all went.
I have a 3 y/o son and I still shower with him. I have started to encourage him to shower with his dad more often lately, just to ease the transition for him later. I don't know when I'll completely stop my showers with him, but I think I'll get my cues from him as well as my own sense of 'comfort' with it. I doubt that I will continue to shower with him past age 5.
Occasional glimpses of nudity among family is inevitable and probably even a healthy part of finding out who you are when you're a kid. No big, red flags for me here.
I can distinctly remember an experience I had at age 10 while being examined at Shriner's while my father (who only rarely took me to my visits there) was in the room. I had to strip down to my underwear, and I can remember being so mortified, there was nowhere to hide. He had seen me in my underwear on one of these visits only 9 mos. - a year before, and my reaction had been totally different then. Somewhere in those 9-12 months I had developed a sense of personal privacy. Even around my mother, I became more private as far as nudity was concerned.
I agree with the poster who wondered what reason would there be for a mother to shower with her 10 y/o son. It serves no functional purpose that I can see. And if it did, I'd be very interested to know what that might be.
Steve, if you're still around, let us all know what, if anything, has happened since your last post.....franjo
I wonder if Steve (the original poster) is aware of the discussions he's raised. He hasn't posted here for awhile. I wonder how it all went.
I have a 3 y/o son and I still shower with him. I have started to encourage him to shower with his dad more often lately, just to ease the transition for him later. I don't know when I'll completely stop my showers with him, but I think I'll get my cues from him as well as my own sense of 'comfort' with it. I doubt that I will continue to shower with him past age 5.
Occasional glimpses of nudity among family is inevitable and probably even a healthy part of finding out who you are when you're a kid. No big, red flags for me here.
I can distinctly remember an experience I had at age 10 while being examined at Shriner's while my father (who only rarely took me to my visits there) was in the room. I had to strip down to my underwear, and I can remember being so mortified, there was nowhere to hide. He had seen me in my underwear on one of these visits only 9 mos. - a year before, and my reaction had been totally different then. Somewhere in those 9-12 months I had developed a sense of personal privacy. Even around my mother, I became more private as far as nudity was concerned.
I agree with the poster who wondered what reason would there be for a mother to shower with her 10 y/o son. It serves no functional purpose that I can see. And if it did, I'd be very interested to know what that might be.
Steve, if you're still around, let us all know what, if anything, has happened since your last post.....franjo
FrJackHackett
02-25-2003, 04:14 PM
LookingForHealth:
That is extremely interesting. Perhaps it is a cultural matter. Perhaps too, in many cases the economics of the situation forces the issue one way or the other. In many cases strong personality differences and other incompatibility may make continued living at home inadvisable.
The television programme you describe does not sound particularly constructive in its approach to what is fundamentally a personal choice of the families involved.
That is extremely interesting. Perhaps it is a cultural matter. Perhaps too, in many cases the economics of the situation forces the issue one way or the other. In many cases strong personality differences and other incompatibility may make continued living at home inadvisable.
The television programme you describe does not sound particularly constructive in its approach to what is fundamentally a personal choice of the families involved.
LookingForHealth
02-25-2003, 06:36 PM
It's probably a cultural thing, but the host of the show is a Dr., has his PhD in all kinds of psychology, has written books etc. It's not like Jenny Jones etc. The advice he gave was fair and reasonable depending on each families situation.
He said to the 28 year old 'why don't you pay your own rent, water bill, electric bill, cable, food etc?' He was mainly concerned about mooching off the parents. I can't think of many reasons to stay home, in this city, past the age of 24. I'd very well be an adult at that age, out of school, with a job, needing to have a place where I pay for the rent and many other things I'd like.
He said to the 28 year old 'why don't you pay your own rent, water bill, electric bill, cable, food etc?' He was mainly concerned about mooching off the parents. I can't think of many reasons to stay home, in this city, past the age of 24. I'd very well be an adult at that age, out of school, with a job, needing to have a place where I pay for the rent and many other things I'd like.
LookingForHealth
02-25-2003, 06:36 PM
Franjo I agree with you on everything you said.
FrJackHackett
02-25-2003, 07:02 PM
LookingForHealth:
Oh I see ! I thought there must be more to it. I quite agree; sponging off parents is repulsive and should be right out of the question. I never did that. If grown children stay at home they must pay their way and contribute in full measure to the running of the household. I pay for my son's university studies; that is my choice because I don't want him saddled with repaying a student loan. However, I told him that if he wanted extras, fancy clothes, car etc he had to get a job and, to his credit, he did. He may choose to remain with us a while or he may elect to live elsewhere for reasons of greater independence. Either way is fine by me and either way he earns his keep.
I probably wrote my initial post ambiguously and made it seem I was a parasite - that wasn't the case at all.
Oh I see ! I thought there must be more to it. I quite agree; sponging off parents is repulsive and should be right out of the question. I never did that. If grown children stay at home they must pay their way and contribute in full measure to the running of the household. I pay for my son's university studies; that is my choice because I don't want him saddled with repaying a student loan. However, I told him that if he wanted extras, fancy clothes, car etc he had to get a job and, to his credit, he did. He may choose to remain with us a while or he may elect to live elsewhere for reasons of greater independence. Either way is fine by me and either way he earns his keep.
I probably wrote my initial post ambiguously and made it seem I was a parasite - that wasn't the case at all.
Cheryl3
03-12-2003, 10:22 PM
Never mind. I've been put in place regarding this post. Sorry!
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
qtpie2003
03-12-2003, 10:27 PM
I totally agree with Cheryl! I could not have responded in the manner you did. I admire that patience Jack Hackett!!!
LookingForHealth
03-13-2003, 12:36 AM
Whatever floats your boat. Never heard of a man living with his parents at 33. How else can it be said?
I could have said 'wow, isn't that something.' Does everything have to be politically correct and sugar coated? Just admit, it's not normal to live at home from birth to age 40.
When someone comes into a thread with an outrageous comment about seeing his parents, and visa versa naked at 33 it might stir something up.
I could have said 'wow, isn't that something.' Does everything have to be politically correct and sugar coated? Just admit, it's not normal to live at home from birth to age 40.
When someone comes into a thread with an outrageous comment about seeing his parents, and visa versa naked at 33 it might stir something up.
Cheryl3
03-13-2003, 10:58 AM
Not everything has to be politically correct, but there is a difference between saying "I think that's weird and don't agree with it" and actually belittling someone and saying "I'm right and you're a freak." Personally, I think Jack sounds like an interesting and educated person, and while I may not agree with everything he says, I enjoy hearing about how people's lifestyles are different around the world and I'd like to see him come back and offer his opinions on other topics in the future.
To me, I love diversity and always find other people's approaches to life interesting, even if I don't agree with them. I enjoy hearing about the "weird" things other people do or think! I used to work with this guy who had some pretty f'd up ideas about religion and women. Sometimes I would debate with him, but mostly I just listened to him and nodded and smiled, because he was an endless source of amusement to me, and because his ideas really didn't affect me and weren't hurting anyone.Generally you're never going to be able to change someone's mind or lifestyle, so I find it's best not to waste your energy trying!
Also, back to the original post on this topic....I don't necessarily think it's a good thing for a mom to shower with her 10-year-old son, but I feel that the first step to helping someone is to make them feel that they are among friends. If you tell someone that their family is a freak show, they are likely to block out whatever constructive advice you might have to offer. I think people are more open to your advice if they feel that you understand them and are not judging them. If you want to help someone, the first step is to make them feel comfortable.
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
To me, I love diversity and always find other people's approaches to life interesting, even if I don't agree with them. I enjoy hearing about the "weird" things other people do or think! I used to work with this guy who had some pretty f'd up ideas about religion and women. Sometimes I would debate with him, but mostly I just listened to him and nodded and smiled, because he was an endless source of amusement to me, and because his ideas really didn't affect me and weren't hurting anyone.Generally you're never going to be able to change someone's mind or lifestyle, so I find it's best not to waste your energy trying!
Also, back to the original post on this topic....I don't necessarily think it's a good thing for a mom to shower with her 10-year-old son, but I feel that the first step to helping someone is to make them feel that they are among friends. If you tell someone that their family is a freak show, they are likely to block out whatever constructive advice you might have to offer. I think people are more open to your advice if they feel that you understand them and are not judging them. If you want to help someone, the first step is to make them feel comfortable.
[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]
Piperdreams
03-13-2003, 08:56 PM
I just wanted to add that grown unmarried children living with parents is not that uncommon in many countries. I was born and raised in an Eastern European country and where I am from it is neither uncommon nor considered odd. It is also valid for many Mideastern cultures.
Piper
Piper
seasant
03-15-2003, 05:37 AM
Your wife is probably a terrific mom and your son a late bloomer, but I wouldn't let CPS know about her showering with the 10 year old boy.
Bottom line is...if it makes you uncomfortable, she should respect you enough to not do it.
Take care.
------------------
Bottom line is...if it makes you uncomfortable, she should respect you enough to not do it.
Take care.
------------------
IHATEMEME
09-30-2003, 01:41 PM
WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!! no way i was 4 months old and my mom was already calling me a pervert 10 10 10 my brothers 11 and he's already talking about sex oh man he sure must be a late bloomer wow last time my mom saw me naked was 5 months old then I was on my own she said.
sawbuck44
09-30-2003, 03:04 PM
Well I wouldn't want my sons first impression of a woman's body to be mine! I don't think it's healthy to shower together. Actually, there really isn't a good reason to do so. There are many personal areas that a woman has to clean and frankly I don't want anyone to see that. Being "liberal" or not too uptight may be good in certain areas but not in the shower.
Rajah
09-30-2003, 08:49 PM
Sounds like the problem here may be with the mom. I'm sorry...but I couldn't lean backward and bend forwards washing hair, shaving, etc. with my 10 year old son in the shower. Kids today are pumelled with sex ...you can't even watch a family tv show without commercials coming on that are practically porn. You have to worry what the kids are doing at the back of the school buses these days. Who knows...this kids friends may know all about it...and he could be filling them in after every shower. I'm not trying to be mean....but as parents we cannot be naive. Sounds like mom has to break the apron strings.
PalawaTas
10-01-2003, 10:39 PM
I believe a 10 year old boy would be right into thoughts of women and naked women at this age - showering with mum is NOT a good idea.
And I agree with the last poster - turn the situation around, 10 year old daughter showering with Dad.......the cops would be at the door in a second!
And I agree with the last poster - turn the situation around, 10 year old daughter showering with Dad.......the cops would be at the door in a second!
Able Lena
10-02-2003, 12:58 AM
Interesting thread here.
I wanted to add my two cents because I remember a few things from my childhood.
I remember that nudity was truely a non-issue in my household. We had a hot tub and frequently soaked nude in it together. Not a big deal to any of us. We occationally showered together when we were in a hurry and it was most convenient to do so. And then puberty happened...
The last time my father and I showered together was when I was 9. It was one of those occations in which we were pressed for time, so my father said something like, "Come on, let's get ready to go," and we hopped into the shower together. Well, unknown to my father, I had recently crossed that developmental boundry where it was no longer comfortable for me to bathe with my father - I'd just gotten old enough that I was no longer cool with showering together. Had he known that, he wouldn't have asked me to shower with him. And that's the problem; he thought I was still OK with it, and I wasn't. And I was too shy or non-confrontational at the time to tell him that I was no longer wanting to do that. That being said, I certainly was not scarred by showering with him that last time - I just avoided it after that.
Parents need to remember that kids might not always be able to signal when they're too grown up for this sort of thing. It's good to remember that it's one thing to let your kid shower with you when they ask to, and another thing entirely for the parent to initiate showering together. A kid who wants to shower with mom/pop will ask to join in. A kid who doensn't want to may not be able to say no, so after a certain age, they should no longer be asked to. I don't have a formula for what that age should be. I just wanted to remind parents that they should remember that their kids aren't always able to articulate their discomfort.
My father really wanted me to be comfortable with my body, so he always treated nudity as a non-issue. That may be the ideal, but the fact it that in this society, nudity IS an issue. It was perhaps naive of him to not realise earlier that I would start to feel like I needed som physical privacy as I grew up.
It's a fine line for parents to balance between treating the body and nudity as a natural thing, and teaching how self-respect and privacy are related. I'm not sure how I'll approach it when I'm a parent.
~ Lena
I wanted to add my two cents because I remember a few things from my childhood.
I remember that nudity was truely a non-issue in my household. We had a hot tub and frequently soaked nude in it together. Not a big deal to any of us. We occationally showered together when we were in a hurry and it was most convenient to do so. And then puberty happened...
The last time my father and I showered together was when I was 9. It was one of those occations in which we were pressed for time, so my father said something like, "Come on, let's get ready to go," and we hopped into the shower together. Well, unknown to my father, I had recently crossed that developmental boundry where it was no longer comfortable for me to bathe with my father - I'd just gotten old enough that I was no longer cool with showering together. Had he known that, he wouldn't have asked me to shower with him. And that's the problem; he thought I was still OK with it, and I wasn't. And I was too shy or non-confrontational at the time to tell him that I was no longer wanting to do that. That being said, I certainly was not scarred by showering with him that last time - I just avoided it after that.
Parents need to remember that kids might not always be able to signal when they're too grown up for this sort of thing. It's good to remember that it's one thing to let your kid shower with you when they ask to, and another thing entirely for the parent to initiate showering together. A kid who wants to shower with mom/pop will ask to join in. A kid who doensn't want to may not be able to say no, so after a certain age, they should no longer be asked to. I don't have a formula for what that age should be. I just wanted to remind parents that they should remember that their kids aren't always able to articulate their discomfort.
My father really wanted me to be comfortable with my body, so he always treated nudity as a non-issue. That may be the ideal, but the fact it that in this society, nudity IS an issue. It was perhaps naive of him to not realise earlier that I would start to feel like I needed som physical privacy as I grew up.
It's a fine line for parents to balance between treating the body and nudity as a natural thing, and teaching how self-respect and privacy are related. I'm not sure how I'll approach it when I'm a parent.
~ Lena
Locket25
10-11-2003, 08:39 PM
I suppose us as human beings all have different ideas on right and wrong and some who think right is right are wrong and vica verca :)Just a point tho. I remember a case where a school teacher reported a small child I think about 5 drawing a penis and saying Daddy has one I see in the shower. I remember it took a very long time for this child to be brought back into the family after being taken away. I know it is very difficult to be open and honest with kids but where does the line have to be drawn? I personally would not let either sex child into the bath or shower after the age of 3 with my husband or I but I am not saying this is right or wrong just how we feel.
Want 2 B Well
10-13-2003, 03:11 PM
I think the important point is that YOU have an issue with it.
That means it is time to STOP!
Trust your gut instinct and you can never go wrong!
That means it is time to STOP!
Trust your gut instinct and you can never go wrong!