I have a little problem I have to debate on the opposing side for 'Men being the bread winners and woman staying home with the children'. I really dont have an opion either way I think it would be great for moms to stay home with thier children while their husbands worked but I also find it perfectly acceptabel for mothers to work to help support the family.

I am having a hard time seeing it one way only and thats what I have to do. Since this is just for a school assignment I wouldnt be too upset if no one wants to comment but I would really appreciate any help on this.
Robyn

I am a stay at home mom to an extent. I stay home during the day while my hubby is at work (Air Force) and then when he gets home, I coach my oldest daughter's soccer team and after that, I have my yoga class that I instruct, which only lasts an hour.

I think if you can financially swing it, staying home is best. Financially, we are more than able to do it and I do not want my little ones raised by strangers. I do have a degree and in a few years, when all my kids are in school full time, I will put it to use but right now I am a mom and I love being able to be with my kids all the time.

I don't think there's anything wrong with mothers that work, either. Sometimes, it takes two incomes to support the family. Sometimes a mom plays both roles and there is no other option than to work. And then there are some women who just need a break from the kids for awhile and work part time.

Just my personal preference....
:wave:

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~ Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. ~

I have two precious and extremely well behaved boys.
One 13, one 6.
I worked from the time my oldest was 6 wks. I was young when i had him, just turned 19 by 4 days when he arrived.
My youngest, born when i was 26, I stayed home with him, and am still at home.
BIG DIFFERENCE IN THEM, i base most of it on the differences of being raised.
I TOTALLY believe in, staying at home with the lil ones. Im going to eventually look for pt morning work, so that i can continue to be home when they arrive after school.
Just my two cents
:wave:

Thank you very much for your inputs. But what I actually need to debate about is, why woman should work and not stay home and have the man support the family. I dont really feel this way I support both sides but I have to do this stupid pointless assignment for school. So if anyone could give me some ideas on what to stay about working moms that makes them sound better then stay at home moms I would really appreciate it. I have been hitting my mom up for some ideas but I'm sure I will need more. I hate debating!!
Robyn

Some woman need to help support the family in this time and age it is hard to survive on one income. Many woman have worked very hard to get there career started and are not willing to give this up when starting a family. Also woman feel that if they take time off from work they will lose there position and most go back. Some woman are not meant to be stay at home mom I think some woman just donthave the patience to stay home. I hope this help you a little.

Thank you Kelly4 that does help a lot. That was basically all I had to begin with but you added points to it that I can use. Thanks again

One other point: stress. Stress on marriage, on the kids when two people work.

For example, my husband has very little stress because all he needs to do is worry about work; he doesn't have any chores in the house; I've always dealt with the kids, shopping, cleaning, extracurricual school meetings, etc. He has alot of leisure time.... more than I do! He enjoys reading many books; spends hours on the internet, etc. No way I can get away with that! On the other hand, I have to only worry about home stuff and not work; so each one of us has a job to do, but neither of us are not over-taxed.

Now, my husband's brother who's wife works has to do many chores, do shopping, clean house, take care of the kids, etc. while his wife is at work...his schedule is varied because he works at a hospital...however, he works a bit above full-time hours.

So although my husband's brother works full-time in a stressful hospital job, he gets stuck with alot of the work at home and doesn't have alot of leisure time like my husband. Now, my husband is overweight and does not even try to take care of his health, but he has never had a stress-related illness....in contrast, his brother has been in the hospital due to a stress related episode, even though he is in good physical shape!

Both my brother-in-law and his wife are stressed out more than my husband and I. Their children also reflect this; both have school and discipline problems although both are very intelligent kids. The oldest was put on drugs for ADHD. I knew he'd be a candidate for it because I could see ever since he was 2 that his parents' stress was taken out on him in the form of expecting him to be a perfectly quiet, still little gentleman at an age where it is impossible. They didn't have the patience.

Now I know alot of working couples do ok with their kids, but I am saying if there is too much stress in the parents life, sometimes it falls on the kids. Or it can cause marriage problems. Or in my brother-in-laws case, a trip to the hospital. Now he has taken a new job with less hours to deal with it. That will mean less money. I just wonder if his wife stayed home and he only had work to deal with, if he would have been able to continue working as before.....

In their case, my brother-in-laws' salary would have been enough for a good life, but my sister-in-law wanted a new, expensive house and newer cars. But I know some people need the two incomes just to survive...that is the real failure of our countries' economic ways that most of the time do not to allow women to choose....some are forced into work.

Anyway, my point was more couples and kids are under increased stress with this way of life.

Let me share with you a little more extensively on that career development viewpoint that was brought up earlier. Also, here are some other thoughts of my own that you may have already considered. However, I am a little confused about your topic. Is your opinion to be the woman works and the man stays at home; or is it just the woman works outstide the home and the man works outside the home also.

I had a female Senior Vice Pres. (before I was even married) tell me not to even consider having a family until I secured a Vice President title along with, at a minimum, a masters degree if not more. Having this title would better preserve my (would be) title and upward mobility within the company. This advice came from this female who had adopted her children in her late 30's or early 40's (my feeling was that she didn't want to be put out by even being pregnant or bearing the children because it would have interferred too much with her career)

On another note, I have an aquaintance who makes almost twice as much as her husband and she went back to work right away because she didn't want to compromise their (material)living situation in any way. She is very career focussed and, in my opinion, gets a lot of her self worth out of her position within her company. I think there are people with certain personality traits where it really is not in them to be able to this "thankless" job of being a stay at home mom.

I am only aqainted with one man that stays at home with his children while his wife. It seems to work out for their family. However, he has shared with me that there have been slight social repurcutions with the role reversal. Nothing big though - just people not knowing exactly what type of relationship to strike up with this Mr. Mom.

Also, having a job outside of the house might make a woman feel like they have more equal footing with their spouse (if that spouse works too). I stay at home with my children and I often have to remind my husband of the value. If I worked outside the house, in his mind, I would be contributing - however then I would be spending most of my salary on daycare, housecleaning, accountants, take out or dining out, etc., not to mention less time with the kids or family as a whole -- I can tell you that my husband wouldn't see the $$$ as a drawback. Men, they pretty much see those $$$$ signs. However, as stated above, in certain situations, this might be worth it for the husband and wife.

I am a stay at home mom. I have twin boys 17 and a 14 year old. I love being able to stay home and help them with their homework, test, house chores, making sure that they are doing the best they can and that they are staying out of trouble. They know I gave up my career for them so that they are first in my life. It allows my husband to focus on work while he is there and he doesn't have to worry about his house and children being there when he gets home. I also take care of shoping and paying bills etc. so when my husband is home we can have more quality time as a family and do things together.

People are different. I quit my job right before I gave birth to my daughter. I stayed at home for about 18 months with her. I thought I was going insane after the first year I stayed at home. I need to work, the main reason is not making $$$, the main reason is that I need social contact with people. Work gives me that opportunity as well as I apply years of schooling into good work. I am an engineer, work part-time for the time being and love it. I am a lot happier this way. In a few years, I plan on switching to full-time work. My daughter has a wonderful daycare provider which she goes to four hours a day, she loves playing with the other kids. My husband is happier b/c I am a happier person since I started working. Although I work, I am still a very domestic person. I cook daily, clean, launder, etc.

Like I said in the beginning, we all are different and we all have different needs.


Piper

Thank you all for your replys. I wasnt trying to make it sound like I only see it one way, I had to debate in school and I was put on the con side of 'men working while the woman stays home'. I just needed help in finding points that I could bring up during my debate. I really dont have an opional either way I feel its no ones business if the woman works or stays home and that in no way should anyone tell people what is right or wrong when in comes to raising and supporting you're children.

Thank you all again but it was just a school asginment thats all.
Robyn

That's ok. There are definately two sides, and each woman must decide. Personally, I enjoyed my chidren, they grew up well, BUT I definately know I get a whole lot less respect from my husband than my sister-in-law gets from his brother. Also, they were able to move into a newer house, where I am still in our first house which is older(yuk)...so financially I made alot of sacrifices because I always dreamed of a new house. But now we are only 4 years away from paying it completely off (no more mortgage!), but my brother-in-law is my age and they just had to refinance for another 30 years,(they'll be 75 years old at payoff, we'll be only 50 years old, so I guess it's not all bad. You only own a house when it's actually paid for anyway, hmm?

Good luck with the school project!

Robyn,

I would like to know how your debate went? What were your strongest arguements and how did the other side rebut them?

I find it very curious.

Your previous reply made me smile; It looked to me that all the replies were helpful and insightful.

Hi, I'm a stay at home mom. My husband would rather me be home when my kids get home from school, clean ect. I love having the chance to decide what I want to do. I go crazy sitting at home all day so what I was doing was volunteering at my kids school. I'd go help the teachers for a few hours a day. That way I could see my kids at school and be home when they got off the bus. Becky

I guess it depends what age of children that you are talking about. If the children are small, yes, I feel that Moms should stay home. When the kids get older (12 on up) I think that if a Mom wants to go to work and help the family or keep her sanity, I think that's a good idea too. I personally want to work (part time) just to get out of the house but my kids are older too.

I a full time engineer mother of twin boy/girl preschoolers. My parents each worked full-time outside the home since I was an infant. Over their life-time, each contributed the same earnings to the household income. My father was a Navy peddy officer, and my mother an aircraft sheet metal mechanic.

I remember words my mother told me many times while growing up in a family of three girls (I'm the oldest). "Don't bring any children into this world unless you're willing to word hard for them."

My mother's definition of "work hard" raised the parental criteria bar to included both the nuturer and the bread winner (income source and cost controller) roles. To endure/survive the loss of a spouse/parent, she saw the parent's role as the safety net in all aspects of raising his/her family.


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JustASpouseNParent

From an anthropological standpoint women took care of the kids/camp because they had innate skills for this. Example: a woman (supposedly) can multitask and pay attention to various happenings (meals, more than one kid, the home) while the men tend to excel at focusing on one task (hunting). Of course, this is not necessarily true for everyone, but I've seen reports on TV about this. In my family it IS true. I can cook, clean, and find my daughter's lost shoe while carrying-on a phone conversation. My husband, on the other hand, can block out all other sounds to concentrate on one task effectively. We are both hig-degree individuals and would be good at either home/work, but for us, my staying at home and him working makes for a better partnership. I guess we'd be the typical cavemen.

Good luck with your debate.

I stay at home with our kids, and I absolutely love it. Even though I went to college and worked for a few years before we had our first baby, we both knew that I would stay at home once we had children.

i think that stay at home moms are good when the kids are little, but once they hit thier teens, GIVE US SOME GOD DAMMED SPACE! hahaha, sorry. my gma was always at home for my brother and i, as far back as i can remember. that's my two cents

I have to agree with NewMe's response. I was also very young when I had my first son; 19 at the time. Money was the most important to me at the time, so he was in day care at 6 weeks and stayed in daycare until kindergarten. I had my second son at 26 and my husband and I decided to make the sacrifice and allow me to stay home with him; hes 2 and a half now.

I cant lie, its tough!! Tough on the finances and tough on us Moms. I think my stress level is much higher than it ever was when I was in the corporate world. However, both of my sons have benefitted greatly from me being home. The oldest has someone to greet him when he gets home from school and he knows im always a phone call away if something should arise during school hours and I get the chance to join him on field trips. Summers have been great too. We have so much more time to do things together; where when I was working, I had enough time to run home, make dinner, give baths, and send him to bed.

The little guy is a challenge, but again, I feel more in touch with him and I have more control over his learning. We practice ABC's and he is starting to read already!! When the oldest was in daycare, the providers didnt have enough time to give one on one learning practices.

Ok, I think Ive babbled enough. The bottom line is that making the decision to stay home was and is very difficult, but I dont regret it at all.

Thanks for listening!!

Saph

I had to chuckle when I read some of these posts. Even though some of you claim that mom's are entitled to their own choice, you list off reason's why your choice must be the superior one. My opinion is that it is a choice, and whether you stay at home, or work outside the home, there are pro's and con's to your choice for both kids and the moms. If done correctly, and you give whatever your choice is your all, both at home moms and working moms can have rewarding experiences with their lives and with their families.

For example, I have two kids, one in elementary and one in middle school. I was PTL President and was responsible for all school extracurricular activities during this time. I volunteer also for other school committee's and attend most of the kid's sporting events and field trips (as long as there isn't another conflict) and I have been room mom for both of my kids almost every year planning the classroom parties. My daughter is on the honor roll and is involved in all sports offered, and she participates in band and a choir at school, and my son is a math whiz with a heart of gold with activities of his own and they are both socially well adjusted with no problems with discipline in or out of school. We have plenty of family time together and enjoy camping, vacations, swimming, boating, movies and pizza night. My husband loves to do the grocery shopping (it's actually kind of weird) and he loves to cook! He is a much better cook than I am. I take care of the house cleaning, the schedule, the laundry, share the cooking and grocery shopping with him and make sure everyone has everything they need for the day's events. Can you guess if I'm an at home mom or a working mom???? The truth is, that it doesn't matter. I'm enjoying life, enjoying my kids and doing what's important to me. They only thing that matter's is that my family is strong, my kids are safe and are offered any all opportunities that life can offer.

So those of you that think your way is better....whether you be stay at home or working.....your so very wrong...I recommend you stop looking down on people who do things differently, and appreciate the fact that at home moms and working moms are all working towards the same thing...healthy happy kids....just in different ways.

Thanks
Kaitilina

P.S. I am a working mom....

[This message has been edited by kaitilina (edited 10-16-2003).]

[This message has been edited by kaitilina (edited 10-16-2003).]

I have had many debates (in my own mind!) about this. I would not want to stay home right now. My DH makes less than I do, but that's not the only reason I'd like to continue to work. I LIKE my job and the identity that it has given me. I am a successful career woman and I don't want to give that up.

I guess I get irritated when moms that work get looked-down-upon as bad mothers because they were not willing or able to give up their careers. I think that's old-fashioned. It also bothers me that men think it's okay to shove all the domestic responsibilities on the woman so that all he has to worry about it work. What bothers me more is that women LET their husbands treat them this way.

I don't mean to be offensive. I don't have children, so you all probably won't put any stock in what I have to say, anyway. I just don't like to see working moms get bashed just because they have chosen a different lifestyle than those that stay at home.

Originally posted by Im_Robyn:
Thank you very much for your inputs. But what I actually need to debate about is, why woman should work and not stay home and have the man support the family. I dont really feel this way I support both sides but I have to do this stupid pointless assignment for school. So if anyone could give me some ideas on what to stay about working moms that makes them sound better then stay at home moms I would really appreciate it. I have been hitting my mom up for some ideas but I'm sure I will need more. I hate debating!!
Robyn
I'm sure you've completed your assignment by now but I just happened upon the post and wanted to contribute. I am a working mom of two boys (14 and 11). They have been in daycare since 6 mo for the oldest, and 3 mo for the youngest. I am not sure that you can really compare two children when one has stayed at home and the other at daycare as how it affected their personality. My two sons are very different. The oldest is calmer and more empathetic. The youngest is very active and has to be taught how to be empathetic. Anyway, back to the question, why woman should work and not stay home and have the man support the family, my sons have seen my career and education grow. I have moved up the ladder and obtained a college degree. The motivation that takes in conjunction with raising a family is huge. My time and effort in their schooling and sporting events did not suffer as a result of me working. They are both A and B students and are involved in sports and band. I feel I have been an example to them that they can achieve whatever goals they set for themselves. As time goes on, roles change in life. In caveman days, the women nutured the family and the men hunted to provide for them - there was no other choice. Today there are many choices in careers and educational goals. So to support your debate, women should work so their families can achieve financial and personal successes, to be an inspiration and example to their children, and to be an equal-earning partner in their household. Because you all know that whether you work or stay at home, you are still working! This is a topic that will never die...


[This message has been edited by sawbuck44 (edited 10-16-2003).]

What's always funny to me is that when there is a situation where a mother works, people always refer to it as "she HAS to work, for the money,etc." like it's such a shame and she wouldn't dare have a career if there were any way out of it financially. This is ridiculous. And as far as the man working and the woman not, this is no excuse at all in my opinion to allow the man to slack on his household duties! If his job is in the office and hers happens to be the children, then all else such as cooking, cleaning, etc., is still common ground and should be divided. I think we're lettin them off too easy to say men can only handle one focus at time, which is a job, and should be exempt from all else! No way!

Just wanted to add that I agree with you, sawbuck! Good for you for setting a strong example of a working mom.

gillian, I have to thank you for your support but I also have to defend my husband. He does not have an office job. His job is very physically and mentally challenging yet he still does the grocery shopping and cooks dinner because he gets home before me ninety percent of the time. He also vacuums, does laundry, dishes, teaches the boys how to take care of a home by showing them how to mow the lawn. He also shows them that just because you are male, it doesn't mean that you can't do housework. Sometimes he points out that at certain times he has done things better than their mother! I really didn't have to go to work because my husband always made enough to support us. I chose to work for my self-benefit and growth. There were things in the workforce that I wanted to accomplish for myself. Believe me, in the beginning my income only went to daycare. But I knew that someday when I worked myself up the ladder more, my boys would require less daycare and then the added income would come into play (or into the bank - lol). And, that by the time they were older I would be making more money. Throughout the years I've struggled with wondering if I made the right decision. I have to believe that I did as I am a stronger role model for my sons and have shown them that it's okay for their mom to work because she'll always be there when you need her. Work has never interferred with the care of my family. I have been blessed with having (two) employers that are very flexible. If my job was not as flexible, I probably would have quit. So my family always came first. Any doctor appointments or sickness time off was not questioned. I did not feel threatened that I was going to lose my job if I asked for one more hour or day off. When we moved to our recent home, the first thing we looked at was the school district and then where I work. It just so happens that we have a great school district in the vicinity of my employment which also allows me to run to school when needed during my lunch. I am also able to take my lunch hour at any time of the day to accomodate my home schedule. There is so much controversy on this topic that you really have to firmly believe in what you are doing is right for your family. No one is wrong.


[This message has been edited by sawbuck44 (edited 10-16-2003).]

I guess I get irritated when moms that work get looked-down-upon as bad mothers because they were not willing or able to give up their careers. I think that's old-fashioned. It also bothers me that men think it's okay to shove all the domestic responsibilities on the woman so that all he has to worry about it work. What bothers me more is that women LET their husbands treat them this way.

I don't mean to be offensive. I don't have children, so you all probably won't put any stock in what I have to say, anyway. I just don't like to see working moms get bashed just because they have chosen a different lifestyle than those that stay at home.[/B][/QUOTE]

Froggie, please don't be so quick to judge... you might change your mind if you ever have a baby one day. Everything changes when you see that little face looking back at you. I am a stay at home mom, and I did take offense to your comment insinuating that i let my husband treat me bad. He works all day at the office and I work all day at home with the kids. When he gets home we do it all together, baths, dinner, bedtime stories, etc. Do I think I made a better choice by staying home? Of course I do!!! That doesn't mean I'm bashing working moms...it's just my opinion.

I thought that I wanted to be a stay at home mom(money wise it was not happening). I work part time and am very happy with it. My husband is off of work with an injury so he watches our daughter while I am working. I know he loves the opportunity, but at the same time it is frusturating for him having to stay home all the time. I think that part time is great because sometimes you need to be in the adult world. My daughter(11 months) is still very close to me, and I think it's great for her to be with her father.