Dr. Love
07-24-2003, 01:10 AM
I've only know this woman for less than a year and I can't stop myself from constantly thinking about her and writing to her. I've driven by her house when I think she might be there or just to see if she is outside. I've called her from payphones when she blocks my phone number, and I've made up new user names so I can still write her when she blocks me on her computer. I am starting to think this isn't normal for someone in love so after I read some of the other messages on here, I decided to ask all of you for your ideas.
I really think I love her more than anyone else I've ever known, but she won't talk to me at all anymore. She wanted to at first and we were always having sex but then she stopped because she said she wasn't satisfied in bed. I was really hurt when she told me that but I thought if I kept in touch with her so she would understand how much I care about her, that maybe she would change her mind, but so far she hasn't.
She told me that she doesn't orgasm all the time anyway but I told her it was her fault because she won't let herself go. Now I think I just wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me. I know I messed things up when I did that, but I really do love her and would do anything she asked for in bed now. She won't talk to me or write back to me. She told me the problem she had in not reaching an orgasm was because of her age (she is 7 years older than me) and her hystrectomy, but I think if she really loved me she would orgasm.
I was going to put this on the mens sexual topic board, too, because I am starting to think maybe I don't really love her but am just becoming consumed with the thought of her and making her have an orgasm. I really want to be the one to make her climax but I can't do that if she won't talk to me so I keep writing her and I really can't stop myself!
Sometimes she writes back but she hasn't written me in a long time now. I came here looking to see if she had written anything about me and our problems! I can't tell if I love her or if I act this way because my mind is constantly on ways of getting her back just to show her I can make her happy in and out of bed.
I don't know much about OCD, but I do know about being in love. Do any of you think I've gotten the two feelings mixed up?
Please write back because I am losing my mind over this girl and I really try but I can't stop myself from writing and following her!
Thanks,
Dr Love
[This message has been edited by Dr. Love (edited 07-24-2003).]
I really think I love her more than anyone else I've ever known, but she won't talk to me at all anymore. She wanted to at first and we were always having sex but then she stopped because she said she wasn't satisfied in bed. I was really hurt when she told me that but I thought if I kept in touch with her so she would understand how much I care about her, that maybe she would change her mind, but so far she hasn't.
She told me that she doesn't orgasm all the time anyway but I told her it was her fault because she won't let herself go. Now I think I just wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me. I know I messed things up when I did that, but I really do love her and would do anything she asked for in bed now. She won't talk to me or write back to me. She told me the problem she had in not reaching an orgasm was because of her age (she is 7 years older than me) and her hystrectomy, but I think if she really loved me she would orgasm.
I was going to put this on the mens sexual topic board, too, because I am starting to think maybe I don't really love her but am just becoming consumed with the thought of her and making her have an orgasm. I really want to be the one to make her climax but I can't do that if she won't talk to me so I keep writing her and I really can't stop myself!
Sometimes she writes back but she hasn't written me in a long time now. I came here looking to see if she had written anything about me and our problems! I can't tell if I love her or if I act this way because my mind is constantly on ways of getting her back just to show her I can make her happy in and out of bed.
I don't know much about OCD, but I do know about being in love. Do any of you think I've gotten the two feelings mixed up?
Please write back because I am losing my mind over this girl and I really try but I can't stop myself from writing and following her!
Thanks,
Dr Love
[This message has been edited by Dr. Love (edited 07-24-2003).]
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smartazz
07-24-2003, 01:34 PM
I replied to your post on the Men's Sexual Health Board, but I believe the post was deleted; therefore, I am going to respond here also.
Some things that were in the other post that may or may not be in this one: you call her and she blocked your phone number so you started using pay phones, you drive by her work and home to see what she is doing and where she is at, you change i.d.'s on the computer so you can hunt her down and then email and i.m. her before she figures out who you are, you constantly think about her and how to make her orgasm. Now you believe you have found her on these boards so you can now keep track of what she is saying about you and get messages to her this way.
What you are doing to this poor woman is called STALKING. You are obsessed with her and she obviously wants nothing to do with you. She's blocked your phone, she is blocking you on her computer. Have you ever stopped to think what you are doing to this woman? What you are putting her thru just because you "love" her? She doesn't return any of your feelings, you need to leave her alone. Get some professional help before you land yourself in jail. You stated in your other post that you think you found her on these boards so now you can see what she says about you. Why do you think that just because you love her that she should orgasm for you? If it were that easy I'm sure there would be a lot more women having orgasms and you wouldn't read about it so much on these boards. You don't love this woman you are just obsessed by the fact that you think you can make her orgasm if given the chance. She will not give you the chance, QUIT STALKING her and leave her alone and move on.
To the woman who he thinks he has found on these boards: Keep a log of everytime he calls you or attempts to call you, if he does get thru to you or manages to leave a message, write down what was said or keep a copy if at all possible. Everytime you see him drive by your house, write it down. Basically keep a log of everything he does to you or says to you. Print out every email, instant message, and even this post. Contact your local police and find out what the stalking laws are where you live.
[This message has been edited by smartazz (edited 07-24-2003).]
Some things that were in the other post that may or may not be in this one: you call her and she blocked your phone number so you started using pay phones, you drive by her work and home to see what she is doing and where she is at, you change i.d.'s on the computer so you can hunt her down and then email and i.m. her before she figures out who you are, you constantly think about her and how to make her orgasm. Now you believe you have found her on these boards so you can now keep track of what she is saying about you and get messages to her this way.
What you are doing to this poor woman is called STALKING. You are obsessed with her and she obviously wants nothing to do with you. She's blocked your phone, she is blocking you on her computer. Have you ever stopped to think what you are doing to this woman? What you are putting her thru just because you "love" her? She doesn't return any of your feelings, you need to leave her alone. Get some professional help before you land yourself in jail. You stated in your other post that you think you found her on these boards so now you can see what she says about you. Why do you think that just because you love her that she should orgasm for you? If it were that easy I'm sure there would be a lot more women having orgasms and you wouldn't read about it so much on these boards. You don't love this woman you are just obsessed by the fact that you think you can make her orgasm if given the chance. She will not give you the chance, QUIT STALKING her and leave her alone and move on.
To the woman who he thinks he has found on these boards: Keep a log of everytime he calls you or attempts to call you, if he does get thru to you or manages to leave a message, write down what was said or keep a copy if at all possible. Everytime you see him drive by your house, write it down. Basically keep a log of everything he does to you or says to you. Print out every email, instant message, and even this post. Contact your local police and find out what the stalking laws are where you live.
[This message has been edited by smartazz (edited 07-24-2003).]
poreoilyme
07-24-2003, 08:20 PM
This qualifies as stalking. I know. I had to jail someone for the exact same behavior. You have no idea how awful it is to have someone stalk you. It makes even the tiniest bit of caring about them disappear altogether. STOP! You will never have a chance with her or anyone else if you keep this up. The law will have to start following you, which is even worse. They will too. Police nowadays take stalking very seriously because this type of obsession often leads to killing out of jealousy. My stalker now has a record and has been vigilantly patrolled by the police for years now. If he comes within 500 feet of my house he will be back in jail within minutes.
Annie, tell your neighbors. They will help you call the law and will support your case in court if need be to help protect you. This is dangerous stuff and can't be taken lightly.
[This message has been edited by poreoilyme (edited 07-24-2003).]
Annie, tell your neighbors. They will help you call the law and will support your case in court if need be to help protect you. This is dangerous stuff and can't be taken lightly.
[This message has been edited by poreoilyme (edited 07-24-2003).]
jeepbabe
07-24-2003, 08:56 PM
Please leave her alone. if she wanted to be around you she would have responded to you. Some woman do not orgasm at all. It all has to do with hormones and labido. it is not if you love someone you will orgasm for them. My gramma had a historectomy when she was young and she had hardly any sexual stamina. She loved my grandpa very much and still does. So orgasiming has nothing to do with love.
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~I have gone to look for myself. If you find me before I get back, tell me to stay here so I don't lose myself again!~
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~I have gone to look for myself. If you find me before I get back, tell me to stay here so I don't lose myself again!~
Svenska
07-27-2003, 12:08 AM
It doesn't sound like love to me, it sounds more like a control issue. Even though she doesn't want anything to do with you, you still want to part of her life, so ordinarily I would call that an obsession, but your reason for wanting to be part of her life is to create a sexual response in her, and that says "controlling" to me, not love or obsession or even OCD.
Your actions and your saying you can't control yourself do sound like OCD, but your motives don't jive with what I understand about that health issue.
As the other posters said, leave her alone because you do sound like you are stalking her, and not just out to get her back as you see it. Get some outside help, too. It's good that you came here, but now you need a professional's suggestions about how to get over it.
Dr. Love, I really think you feel the need to prove something more to yourself than you need to show her you love her or that you care about her, it just sounds like you only care about yourself and what you can get by an ego boost by giving her an orgasm, and she can't have one with you, she doesn't want you, so you have no choice but to leave her alone!
Annie, if it's you, and from what I've read your older threads...run, don't walk, away from anyone who may be stalking you here, by e-mail, the phone or any other ways you might not be aware of yet!!!
And for you Dr Love, there is help and hope out there if you are ready to look for it instead of thinking that she can give it to you or you can help her--it's not mentally healthy for you to act on your thoughts this way, JMHO, though.
Your actions and your saying you can't control yourself do sound like OCD, but your motives don't jive with what I understand about that health issue.
As the other posters said, leave her alone because you do sound like you are stalking her, and not just out to get her back as you see it. Get some outside help, too. It's good that you came here, but now you need a professional's suggestions about how to get over it.
Dr. Love, I really think you feel the need to prove something more to yourself than you need to show her you love her or that you care about her, it just sounds like you only care about yourself and what you can get by an ego boost by giving her an orgasm, and she can't have one with you, she doesn't want you, so you have no choice but to leave her alone!
Annie, if it's you, and from what I've read your older threads...run, don't walk, away from anyone who may be stalking you here, by e-mail, the phone or any other ways you might not be aware of yet!!!
And for you Dr Love, there is help and hope out there if you are ready to look for it instead of thinking that she can give it to you or you can help her--it's not mentally healthy for you to act on your thoughts this way, JMHO, though.
Silly Bird
09-02-2003, 09:19 PM
Dear Dr Love,
Well, I can relate to how you are feeling. I have obsessive thoughts about someone I use to be in a relationship with too.
It is true that you do not want to make your hurt even worse by getting yourself in trouble with the law. You also don't want to scare or hurt her, if you really loved her.
So I don't know how to change the reaccuring thoughts, and I hope to God someone has an answer, or that time will heal all , BUT I do know that you can change your behavior.
I would love to stop by his house. But I don't.
I would love to talk to him on the phone. But I won't.
I do not want to be accused of stalking him. He has asked me not to come over, or to call him, and as painful as that is, I have to respect that.
I will not let him hurt me even more by being able to call the police on me.
Try everyday to stop. Call a friend when you feel like you might try to contact her. If you drove by her house today, resolve all over again not to do it again tomorrow.
No Contact, NO Contact. None.
DO not have any contact with her. It won't fix things, it will only make things worse.
I think, like me and my ex beau, you have a lot of unresolved issues that you are hurt about, and would like to talk over with her. I'm sorry to tell you, that it may never happen. You may never have a chance to fix things with her, and I know that is sad and painful. You must stop trying. You need to move on (easier said than done, I know). Take it one day at a time. Be very honest with your therapist about your thoughts and actions, and let them help you get through this. Don't let yourself be even more humiliated and get accused of stalking her, by trying to contact her.
I only THINK about him now, I do not ACT on those feelings, except to make myself avoid him. As bad as that is, it would only be worse,if I didn't follow the no contact rule.
An analogy-
It is like picking a scab. It will only hurt, and make it start bleeding again, and take the wound longer to heal, if you take the scab off. Of couse it hurts, it's an injury. You have to let it heal. Best Wishes.
Well, I can relate to how you are feeling. I have obsessive thoughts about someone I use to be in a relationship with too.
It is true that you do not want to make your hurt even worse by getting yourself in trouble with the law. You also don't want to scare or hurt her, if you really loved her.
So I don't know how to change the reaccuring thoughts, and I hope to God someone has an answer, or that time will heal all , BUT I do know that you can change your behavior.
I would love to stop by his house. But I don't.
I would love to talk to him on the phone. But I won't.
I do not want to be accused of stalking him. He has asked me not to come over, or to call him, and as painful as that is, I have to respect that.
I will not let him hurt me even more by being able to call the police on me.
Try everyday to stop. Call a friend when you feel like you might try to contact her. If you drove by her house today, resolve all over again not to do it again tomorrow.
No Contact, NO Contact. None.
DO not have any contact with her. It won't fix things, it will only make things worse.
I think, like me and my ex beau, you have a lot of unresolved issues that you are hurt about, and would like to talk over with her. I'm sorry to tell you, that it may never happen. You may never have a chance to fix things with her, and I know that is sad and painful. You must stop trying. You need to move on (easier said than done, I know). Take it one day at a time. Be very honest with your therapist about your thoughts and actions, and let them help you get through this. Don't let yourself be even more humiliated and get accused of stalking her, by trying to contact her.
I only THINK about him now, I do not ACT on those feelings, except to make myself avoid him. As bad as that is, it would only be worse,if I didn't follow the no contact rule.
An analogy-
It is like picking a scab. It will only hurt, and make it start bleeding again, and take the wound longer to heal, if you take the scab off. Of couse it hurts, it's an injury. You have to let it heal. Best Wishes.
loneyprincess
09-09-2003, 04:52 PM
you should really back off. you dont realize by trying to satifisied your ccuriousty on what she is doing and with whom you are hurting her and making her feel scared. i know i had a guy who was obesse with me. he wanted to know everything when we were togther and when i lefted he still didnt get the picture. he would call me, i changed my cell phone number he would call me at work. he drove by my work to see if i was working, he foound out where i live and i think would drive by (at least thats what i was told) he harress me to the point where i let it go on far to long i was scared to do anything. thankfully months later he backed off- i finally threaten to take a day off from and go to family to get a restraining order and i offer that he could meet me up at court and explain why he would not leave me alone. finally that did it. he only calls once and a great while and let my machine pick up. i still worry in the back of my head is it over will he show up somewhere waiting for me.PLEASE LEAVE HER ALONE FOR SO SHE HAVE HER SANITY BACK!!!!