Black-Dove
10-22-2003, 05:51 PM
Hi guys,
I just wanted to see what I'm dealing with and if anyone can offer some support for me. I'm getting very worried again, my period is coming either today or tomorrow and I'm starting to feel how I did when this came last time (I was 13 or 14 when this first occured, I'm now 19). It would come the first day of my period and last throughout, probably because my hormones are all out of whack. This is what I'm feeling (I wrote it out a few days ago, because my biggest fear is not being able to explain it because then no one will really know what I'm going through and I won't be able to get help). Anyways it's like a "mental cramp" where just for a few moments I'll think about anything (mostly my worries about being mentally ill) and I get this weird thought/feeling like nothing makes sense. It is so hard to explain because i don't even know what it feels like, if that makes any sense. Like my thoughts are being squeezed and I can't make sense of them, or they aren't even real. It only lasts for a few moments, and when I really think about it. Then I start worrying more and more until it feels like I can't explain this to anyone. Like everything I say is not explaining it right even though I know there must be a way to explain it. It feels as if my mind is playing tricks on me. The more I think about it the worse it gets. Then I dwell on this "unexplainable feeling" and analyze it and worry about it. If the anxiety is not bad I can get myself out of the cycle of worry by telling myself it will go away, it's not going to drive me mad, etc. and I get this reassured feeling and I feel great, for a couple hours at most until I get back in the cycle. When I actually believe I'm ok it all stops and I feel fine. When my anxiety is very bad, I can't seem to stop my thoughts and can't pull myself out of it. When it's bad I have no appetite, want to sleep all day and night (even making myself sleep until my body can't sleep anymore and I'm waking up every half hour and sleeping every half hour just so I don't have to get up and face this fear every day). I'm just so scared that something is seriously wrong with my brain and no one has ever felt this before because I always pick the stupidest things to worry and obsess about. It's like I'm bringing this thought/feeling on myself just to worry. I'm so sorry this is long, but I need someone to understand how I feel. I went to a psychologist when I was younger and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ocd. I just don't want to think about this feeling anymore and I'm so scared that it's going to be as bad as it was when I first had it. I even went to the psychiatric ER because I thought I had lost my mind back then. I was put on 250 mg of Luvox and was fine for many years until I hit rock bottom again about two weeks ago. I should say also that I weaned myself off of the Luvox so that I was taking only 50 mg a day a few months back and felt fine. Now that it's started up again, I'm building it back up to 250 a day. I have to wait until Oct. 28th to see my doctor. I don't know why I wrote this all out but I just feel so alone right now and I wanted you guys to reassure me that I'm not going crazy! Is this a symptom of ocd or anxiety? When I was younger I had phobias of thunderstorms, the wind, and was a major hypochondriac. I thought I had every disease possible and I was only 8 or 9!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this...
Love, Julia
P.S. I was prescribed lorazepam when needed. Will this drug help with the obsessive thinking or the anxiety?
I just wanted to see what I'm dealing with and if anyone can offer some support for me. I'm getting very worried again, my period is coming either today or tomorrow and I'm starting to feel how I did when this came last time (I was 13 or 14 when this first occured, I'm now 19). It would come the first day of my period and last throughout, probably because my hormones are all out of whack. This is what I'm feeling (I wrote it out a few days ago, because my biggest fear is not being able to explain it because then no one will really know what I'm going through and I won't be able to get help). Anyways it's like a "mental cramp" where just for a few moments I'll think about anything (mostly my worries about being mentally ill) and I get this weird thought/feeling like nothing makes sense. It is so hard to explain because i don't even know what it feels like, if that makes any sense. Like my thoughts are being squeezed and I can't make sense of them, or they aren't even real. It only lasts for a few moments, and when I really think about it. Then I start worrying more and more until it feels like I can't explain this to anyone. Like everything I say is not explaining it right even though I know there must be a way to explain it. It feels as if my mind is playing tricks on me. The more I think about it the worse it gets. Then I dwell on this "unexplainable feeling" and analyze it and worry about it. If the anxiety is not bad I can get myself out of the cycle of worry by telling myself it will go away, it's not going to drive me mad, etc. and I get this reassured feeling and I feel great, for a couple hours at most until I get back in the cycle. When I actually believe I'm ok it all stops and I feel fine. When my anxiety is very bad, I can't seem to stop my thoughts and can't pull myself out of it. When it's bad I have no appetite, want to sleep all day and night (even making myself sleep until my body can't sleep anymore and I'm waking up every half hour and sleeping every half hour just so I don't have to get up and face this fear every day). I'm just so scared that something is seriously wrong with my brain and no one has ever felt this before because I always pick the stupidest things to worry and obsess about. It's like I'm bringing this thought/feeling on myself just to worry. I'm so sorry this is long, but I need someone to understand how I feel. I went to a psychologist when I was younger and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ocd. I just don't want to think about this feeling anymore and I'm so scared that it's going to be as bad as it was when I first had it. I even went to the psychiatric ER because I thought I had lost my mind back then. I was put on 250 mg of Luvox and was fine for many years until I hit rock bottom again about two weeks ago. I should say also that I weaned myself off of the Luvox so that I was taking only 50 mg a day a few months back and felt fine. Now that it's started up again, I'm building it back up to 250 a day. I have to wait until Oct. 28th to see my doctor. I don't know why I wrote this all out but I just feel so alone right now and I wanted you guys to reassure me that I'm not going crazy! Is this a symptom of ocd or anxiety? When I was younger I had phobias of thunderstorms, the wind, and was a major hypochondriac. I thought I had every disease possible and I was only 8 or 9!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this...
Love, Julia
P.S. I was prescribed lorazepam when needed. Will this drug help with the obsessive thinking or the anxiety?
Sponsor
GettingWellAgain
10-22-2003, 08:56 PM
Julia,
I SWEAR I have the same thing. The mental cramp. It usually happens to me BEFORE mostly and a little bit during my period, too, although I have it more and more often now due to going down on my trazodone dosage. Anyway, I do know how you feel and I believe that it IS OCD. I THINK, although no therapist has told me this, that it is essentially a fear of going crazy. This is extremely hard to explain, but your fear of mental illness (like mine) may be so strong that you start to doubt EVERYTHING you do. Normal activities, NORMAL thoughts, your surroundings, everything. I think it's sudden anxiety caused by an obsessive thought. At least that's what I think, because that's EXACTLY what it seems like with me. I thought I was the only one, and I never actually have tried to put this fear/occurence into words. It IS terrifying and I also analyze it and have extreme anxiety over it. I used to sleep as much as I possibly can to avoid these thoughts, but somehow, I managed not to not be as afraid of them lately, and now I'm actually on a regular sleep schedule for the first time in a while. I managed not to be as scared of it because I realized that it IS just OCD. As much as I fear it may be a mental illness, SOMETIMES it calms me down if I blame it on the OCD and picture a Stop Sign in my brain, as to stop the thought. I then do something else as quick as possible. Of course, that doesn't always work. Lorazepam will definitely tame the anxiety and obsessive thoughts but PLEASE PLEASE only take it when you are practically on the verge of hospitalization. It is sooooo addictive even when taken as prescribed I'm warning you. Why is it that you went down on the Luvox? And was that helpful? I tend to have extremely bad experiences with SSRI's and that's the only one I haven't taken. Take care, and I promise you aren't crazy :)
Dina
I SWEAR I have the same thing. The mental cramp. It usually happens to me BEFORE mostly and a little bit during my period, too, although I have it more and more often now due to going down on my trazodone dosage. Anyway, I do know how you feel and I believe that it IS OCD. I THINK, although no therapist has told me this, that it is essentially a fear of going crazy. This is extremely hard to explain, but your fear of mental illness (like mine) may be so strong that you start to doubt EVERYTHING you do. Normal activities, NORMAL thoughts, your surroundings, everything. I think it's sudden anxiety caused by an obsessive thought. At least that's what I think, because that's EXACTLY what it seems like with me. I thought I was the only one, and I never actually have tried to put this fear/occurence into words. It IS terrifying and I also analyze it and have extreme anxiety over it. I used to sleep as much as I possibly can to avoid these thoughts, but somehow, I managed not to not be as afraid of them lately, and now I'm actually on a regular sleep schedule for the first time in a while. I managed not to be as scared of it because I realized that it IS just OCD. As much as I fear it may be a mental illness, SOMETIMES it calms me down if I blame it on the OCD and picture a Stop Sign in my brain, as to stop the thought. I then do something else as quick as possible. Of course, that doesn't always work. Lorazepam will definitely tame the anxiety and obsessive thoughts but PLEASE PLEASE only take it when you are practically on the verge of hospitalization. It is sooooo addictive even when taken as prescribed I'm warning you. Why is it that you went down on the Luvox? And was that helpful? I tend to have extremely bad experiences with SSRI's and that's the only one I haven't taken. Take care, and I promise you aren't crazy :)
Dina
Sanguine
10-22-2003, 09:51 PM
Interesting subject. I have had a sporadic tendency to overanalyze mental stuff as well, and have been a bit obsessive about it in the past. I think it really is a form of hypochondria, but limited to mental health anxiety. It's almost like your brain is simply overloaded with too many thoughts and questions at once, and so you start second-guessing a lot of your thoughts and experiences. I think this feeling is either the result of or a symptom of derealization and depersonalization -- and it is quite scary in the moment.
I think most anxiety sufferers have experienced that panicky, derealized feeling. So, I think it's a combination of 1) a constant barrage of questions about what you are thinking and feeling, and 2) intense anxiety and derealization which serves to magnify that creepy feeling. The derealization makes you and everything around you seem disconnected to some extent, and it's all a result of anxiety and too much "inward" thinking. In the end, it is harmless (though quite unpleasant), and will pass as quickly as it started. The key is to keep yourself occupied and try to stop the obsessing. No matter how hard you try, your mind can only focus on so much in depth at one time.
This fear of mental illness seems to be a common theme among anxiety sufferers, and for good reason. But, as they say, if you were truly psychotic or seriously mentally ill, you probably wouldn't know it until someone told you that you were.
I think most anxiety sufferers have experienced that panicky, derealized feeling. So, I think it's a combination of 1) a constant barrage of questions about what you are thinking and feeling, and 2) intense anxiety and derealization which serves to magnify that creepy feeling. The derealization makes you and everything around you seem disconnected to some extent, and it's all a result of anxiety and too much "inward" thinking. In the end, it is harmless (though quite unpleasant), and will pass as quickly as it started. The key is to keep yourself occupied and try to stop the obsessing. No matter how hard you try, your mind can only focus on so much in depth at one time.
This fear of mental illness seems to be a common theme among anxiety sufferers, and for good reason. But, as they say, if you were truly psychotic or seriously mentally ill, you probably wouldn't know it until someone told you that you were.
Black-Dove
10-22-2003, 09:54 PM
Hi Dina,
Thank you so much for replying, I feel a lot better now knowing I'm not the only one (although I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone)! I had just finished telling my mom that I bet no one has ever experienced this feeling because it's so complicated in my head! I know in my head I'm causing it, because I'll think really hard just to see if it's still there, and then I freak myself out and on goes the anxiety. It was so hard to explain for me because it's not the fact that my thoughts aren't normal, it seems that the feeling behind the thought isn't normal... I don't know if that's what you're experiencing because it still feels like I'm not even explaining it right! I'm feeling a lot better now after taking a lorazepam a few hours ago. Thank you for warning me about it, I know it's addictive and try my hardest not to take one when I'm feeling very bad. I haven't had any problems with it before, it always gives me different effects it seems. Like one day it will make me tired, and another day it'll wake me up and my mind will be so clear.
I stopped taking Luvox because I felt fine for many years. Ever since I first started taking it, I actually felt normal for once. There were maybe 5 days in total that this fear came back in all the 5 years that I was taking it, and it was never that bad. So i thought that I didn't even need the meds anymore and weaned myself off on my own. I should've talked to my doctor first, but everything seemed fine coming off of them. I ended up taking 50 mg a day for about 5 or 6 months feeling fine, until I had a couple panic attacks that came out of nowhere. So I upped it to 100 mg and that was what I was on when my anxiety and fear started up again about two weeks ago (another factor was that I had been going out to bars and getting drunk every night for about 2 weeks straight--hey, I had just turned 19! ;)) Hopefully, when I start taking 250 mg again it will work just as well. Honestly, this was the first med I tried and it worked wonders. What were the problems with the other SSRI's that you tried?
Thank you for easing my mind :)
Love, Julia
Thank you so much for replying, I feel a lot better now knowing I'm not the only one (although I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone)! I had just finished telling my mom that I bet no one has ever experienced this feeling because it's so complicated in my head! I know in my head I'm causing it, because I'll think really hard just to see if it's still there, and then I freak myself out and on goes the anxiety. It was so hard to explain for me because it's not the fact that my thoughts aren't normal, it seems that the feeling behind the thought isn't normal... I don't know if that's what you're experiencing because it still feels like I'm not even explaining it right! I'm feeling a lot better now after taking a lorazepam a few hours ago. Thank you for warning me about it, I know it's addictive and try my hardest not to take one when I'm feeling very bad. I haven't had any problems with it before, it always gives me different effects it seems. Like one day it will make me tired, and another day it'll wake me up and my mind will be so clear.
I stopped taking Luvox because I felt fine for many years. Ever since I first started taking it, I actually felt normal for once. There were maybe 5 days in total that this fear came back in all the 5 years that I was taking it, and it was never that bad. So i thought that I didn't even need the meds anymore and weaned myself off on my own. I should've talked to my doctor first, but everything seemed fine coming off of them. I ended up taking 50 mg a day for about 5 or 6 months feeling fine, until I had a couple panic attacks that came out of nowhere. So I upped it to 100 mg and that was what I was on when my anxiety and fear started up again about two weeks ago (another factor was that I had been going out to bars and getting drunk every night for about 2 weeks straight--hey, I had just turned 19! ;)) Hopefully, when I start taking 250 mg again it will work just as well. Honestly, this was the first med I tried and it worked wonders. What were the problems with the other SSRI's that you tried?
Thank you for easing my mind :)
Love, Julia
Sanguine
10-22-2003, 09:54 PM
Interesting subject. I have had a sporadic tendency to overanalyze mental stuff as well, and have been a bit obsessive about it in the past. I think it really is a form of hypochondria, but limited to mental health anxiety. It's almost like your brain is simply overloaded with too many thoughts and questions at once, and so you start second-guessing a lot of your thoughts and experiences. I think this feeling is either the result of or a symptom of derealization and depersonalization -- and it is quite scary in the moment. The higher the anxiety, the more real the perceived threat seems to be.
I think most anxiety sufferers have experienced that panicky, derealized feeling. So, I think it's a combination of 1) a constant barrage of questions about what you are thinking and feeling, and 2) intense anxiety and derealization which serves to magnify that creepy feeling. The derealization makes you and everything around you seem disconnected to some extent, and it's all a result of anxiety and too much "inward" thinking. In the end, it is harmless (though quite unpleasant), and will pass as quickly as it started. The key is to keep yourself occupied and try to stop the obsessing. No matter how hard you try, your mind can only focus on so much in depth at one time.
This fear of mental illness seems to be a common theme among anxiety sufferers, and for good reason. But, as they say, if you were truly psychotic or seriously mentally ill, you probably wouldn't know it until someone told you that you were.
I think most anxiety sufferers have experienced that panicky, derealized feeling. So, I think it's a combination of 1) a constant barrage of questions about what you are thinking and feeling, and 2) intense anxiety and derealization which serves to magnify that creepy feeling. The derealization makes you and everything around you seem disconnected to some extent, and it's all a result of anxiety and too much "inward" thinking. In the end, it is harmless (though quite unpleasant), and will pass as quickly as it started. The key is to keep yourself occupied and try to stop the obsessing. No matter how hard you try, your mind can only focus on so much in depth at one time.
This fear of mental illness seems to be a common theme among anxiety sufferers, and for good reason. But, as they say, if you were truly psychotic or seriously mentally ill, you probably wouldn't know it until someone told you that you were.
Black-Dove
10-22-2003, 10:07 PM
Hi Sanguine,
Thanks for your input, I think you hit it right on the nail. The reason I wasn't thinking it was derealization was because it was happening for a few seconds, and I thought that derealization lasted for a while when anxiety was present, kind of feeling like a foggy haze. Can it occur for a few seconds and then disappear?
Thanks for the reply again!
Love, Julia
Thanks for your input, I think you hit it right on the nail. The reason I wasn't thinking it was derealization was because it was happening for a few seconds, and I thought that derealization lasted for a while when anxiety was present, kind of feeling like a foggy haze. Can it occur for a few seconds and then disappear?
Thanks for the reply again!
Love, Julia
Black-Dove
11-05-2003, 04:11 AM
Hey, I just wanted to boost this because I'm having problems again... I don't know what to do with myself. I wish I could explain what I'm going through but I can't. All I know is that I can't think anymore. I'm crying so hard right now and I feel so alone. i know there's something seriously wrong with me because there's no explaination for what's going on in my head. I try to put a label on it but everything I tell myself, this thought/feeling comes in and i can't explain it. It's like if I knew it was doubt, confusion, fear i could tell myself hey, it's just ocd, ,or anxiety or depression that is causing this. But i don't even know what the feeling is. i was ok for about a week, this "feeling" went away and I upped my dosage to 200 mg of Luvox again. But it's come back. I'm so stupid, i drank every night for 5 days straight, four coolers each night (which gets me drunk) because I thought I was fine. Then the last night i drank (Saturday) it came back. DO you think the alcohol has temporarily made my meds inaffective? Because when this first came back again I had been drinking for many days straight. I stopped drinking when it came back for about 2 weeks and slowly it went away. I will try to explain it again because I just want someone to know what I'm going through and reassure me. I will think about anything and my mind is filled with many thoughts and I don't know which one to pick. I get confused and stop thinking because it's frustrating. Then I will think and i get this thought/feeling like something is probing into my thought, but I don't know what it is. If it was a clear thought, I could explain it and blame it on ocd (intruding thoughts), but I don't even know if it is a thought. I know I sound so crazy but I'm stuck on trying to figure this out. And everything i think just seems to be wrong and I think "no that's not it!" Then I tell myself, well I can explain that, like I just did, and the thought/feeling comes in again. Then my thoughts just jumble on top of each other. I'm still not even explaining it right. I'm so confused and I just want to think straight and not worry about this. I'm so scared and I just want to sleep, ,but my sleep is all messed up too. i can't fall into a deep sleep and will wake up every hour or so and toss and turn. I can't live like this anymore, I just want to be able to express myself so someone can explain this to me and I can feel better and not think I'm crazy. This can't be ocd, or anxiety because I've never read or heard anything like this happening to anyone else. I just want to be o.k. Thank you for reading all this, I feel so pathetic.
Love, Julia
P.S. I took a lorazepam last night and it didn't help my thoughts. i just felt a bit calmer. I don't want to take it again if it's not going to work. I did throw up about 2 hours after I took it because I had a migraine and felt sick from crying all day. Do you think maybe it didn't work because I threw up after taking it? It worked before for the most part.
Love, Julia
P.S. I took a lorazepam last night and it didn't help my thoughts. i just felt a bit calmer. I don't want to take it again if it's not going to work. I did throw up about 2 hours after I took it because I had a migraine and felt sick from crying all day. Do you think maybe it didn't work because I threw up after taking it? It worked before for the most part.
michelle7
11-05-2003, 10:46 AM
Hello.Although it is hard to explain,I have had the same feeling in my head too,along with some of the same fears.I believe it is the ocd.What happens to me,seems to be that if I am thinking/obsessing a lot,it almost seems like I become detached from regular life in a way(probably the derealization that the other person mentioned)and it kind of feels like my brain is clogged,almost like I can't think,l go "blank" a lot during these times,it kind of feels like your under the influence of a drug or something when you aren't(I am not taking any meds yet)it's like a spaced out feeling.I've had these episodes last for a long time and I've experienced them going away quick as well.I was feeling this way last night and I started getting worked up over it,worrying that there was something else wrong,and I definetely need to mention that I have been having extreme problems with my ocd lately,so I feel it is definetely the ocd,but last night I was doubting it was the ocd,which is probably caused by the ocd(vicious cycle),my husband told me to just sit down and eat my dinner and watch t.v. and stop thinking about it,it went away,I believe because I stopped thinking/obsessing and got into the television show.It feels very scary,and it is hard to explain,but that is what the ocd does,is feed on our fears.If you aren't seeing a dr.you really should.If the medication helped you before,you should really get back to it with the help of a dr.Good luck and remember you're not alone. I forgot to mention that although I like to have a few beers(or more) once in a while.I doubt the alcohol is helping you,it's a depressant.I'm not a dr.,but my guess from the things I've heard and read is that it probably doesn't hurt to drink once in a while while on meds,but to do it a lot probably is messing you up more.Even if you weren't on medication,I'd still say to watch out for the the effects of alcohol.I'm not trying to sound preachy,like I said I like to party too.I would just say don't do it as often.That can mess up people without problems,never mind people with the problems.Hang in there!!! :)
vbcmemphis
11-05-2003, 10:18 PM
Dear Julia, You need to get some help. You are maiking youself sick worrying about this. Are you able to function? (You talked about sleeping to try to get away from your thoughts.) I have suffered from OCD in the past and know that you can torture yourself. You need to find a good doctor and get on medication. You are NOT crazy. Try to find a doctor that specializes in OCD and get an appointment. In the meantime, decide on a replacement thought. You are going in circles. Find a good healthy thought and stay with it. Take care of yourself. You will be OK.
Black-Dove
11-06-2003, 02:07 AM
Hi guys, thanks for the replies/advice. It's not like a spacey feeling or anything, ,it just feels like anything I'm saying to explain it feels wrong. If it was a clear thought, I could tell myself "this is just a thought" and make it go away, but it feels like it's deeper, almost subconcious. I went to bed at 5:30 am last night and slept all day/night until now because i was too scared to wake up. But I can't sleep anymore. I'm going to try though.... thanks again everyone.
Love, Julia
Love, Julia
Meg28
11-06-2003, 02:56 AM
Hi Julia, I hope you're feeling a little better.
I think I know exactly what you are describing and I completely understand the inability to describe the horrible feeling.
I have always thought it was anxiety rather than the OCD. Do you wake up with this odd feeling? I do quite a bit and it's so creepy. The only way I can describe it is comparing it to a bad trip on weed. Paranoia, racing thoughts..etc.
I get a physical feeling too and I'm very curious to know if anyone else gets this. My hands, and sometimes my whole body feels like it's bigger than it actually is and they have a tingling, creepy feeling in them. I get this during extreme anxiety attacks and I wake up with this.
You do need to see your doctor about this. You sound very depressed and depression can make the anxiety and the OCD worse. That's 3 things that are hard to deal with by themselves, let alone all together.
Regarding the alcohol - it does affect your medications. Be very careful. I'll drink some wine once in a while but overall I avoid it. Alcohol is a depressant and it counteracts the effects of your medication or with your lorazepam it can magnify the effects which is dangerous. But besides that, you should nip this drinking in the bud. You're self medicating and it doesn't work; it actually does the exact opposite. You don't want to be dealing with alcoholism on top of all your current problems.
Ok, I sound like I'm preaching now, sorry. I don't mean to. I'm just worried about you.
God Bless,
Meg :angel:
I think I know exactly what you are describing and I completely understand the inability to describe the horrible feeling.
I have always thought it was anxiety rather than the OCD. Do you wake up with this odd feeling? I do quite a bit and it's so creepy. The only way I can describe it is comparing it to a bad trip on weed. Paranoia, racing thoughts..etc.
I get a physical feeling too and I'm very curious to know if anyone else gets this. My hands, and sometimes my whole body feels like it's bigger than it actually is and they have a tingling, creepy feeling in them. I get this during extreme anxiety attacks and I wake up with this.
You do need to see your doctor about this. You sound very depressed and depression can make the anxiety and the OCD worse. That's 3 things that are hard to deal with by themselves, let alone all together.
Regarding the alcohol - it does affect your medications. Be very careful. I'll drink some wine once in a while but overall I avoid it. Alcohol is a depressant and it counteracts the effects of your medication or with your lorazepam it can magnify the effects which is dangerous. But besides that, you should nip this drinking in the bud. You're self medicating and it doesn't work; it actually does the exact opposite. You don't want to be dealing with alcoholism on top of all your current problems.
Ok, I sound like I'm preaching now, sorry. I don't mean to. I'm just worried about you.
God Bless,
Meg :angel:
Black-Dove
11-06-2003, 01:10 PM
Thanks everyone for your words of advice and reassurance. I'm feeling a bit better today. I think what I'm feeling is doubt. Like everything I think is actually not what I'm thinking and my mind is doubting every thought. But the doubt seems to come from deep in my mind, so it's not clear in my head. I don't know, I'm still confused. I'm just glad this doubt is not so strong today, it seems to have tamed down to a little whisper in the back of my mind.
Meg, I have felt the same things, the magnifying objects. Sometimes it will also seem like things are further away then they really are. Or I'll watch tv and the images seem almost 3-D, like they are very defined. These symptoms are definately derealization, or depersonalization in your case, with the magnified hands. i know these things come from anxiety and I always seem to get them before I have anxiety attacks. But what I'm feeling now is totally different. It's a deep down doubt of all of my thoughts it seems. Anyways, I don't want to think about it too much, I might bring it back on ;) I just wanted to thank you guys for caring, i feel so insignificant sometimes and it feels good to know that you guys are listening to my crazy rambles...
Love, Julia
Meg, I have felt the same things, the magnifying objects. Sometimes it will also seem like things are further away then they really are. Or I'll watch tv and the images seem almost 3-D, like they are very defined. These symptoms are definately derealization, or depersonalization in your case, with the magnified hands. i know these things come from anxiety and I always seem to get them before I have anxiety attacks. But what I'm feeling now is totally different. It's a deep down doubt of all of my thoughts it seems. Anyways, I don't want to think about it too much, I might bring it back on ;) I just wanted to thank you guys for caring, i feel so insignificant sometimes and it feels good to know that you guys are listening to my crazy rambles...
Love, Julia
Sanguine
11-06-2003, 09:59 PM
Julia,
Sorry to hear you're not feeling so well, but I have a couple of interesting thoughts on the subject. First, let me say that I have anxiety from time to time, but still investigating the specifics of it. I'd say it more closely resembles GAD to the extent that it doesn't fit the others, although my worries seem confined to a couple of day to day things. Could I be any more vague about this? :) Anyhow, my point is that all forms of anxiety take on an obsessive quality, and this is what makes it so unpleasant. It feels like there is no escape, whether it's obsessive thoughts, worries, phobias, panic attacks, whatever. And the obsessiveness occurs because we have acknowledged that we are deeply afraid of it -- and that is what is so troubling about it. Your brain emotionally marks those scary thoughts and defines them as threats to your well being. And, remember this: it isn't your thoughts or feelings that are the problem, it is your reaction to those thoughts and feelings that is causing the problem. When you look at it this way, it kind of demystifies what you are experiencing. It gives you a sense of control. I hope I'm making some sense here.
I'm convinced that what you are feeling is just a form of anxiety, nothing more, nothing less. You are trying to pinpoint a thought that might be responsible for the anxiety, but you need to remember that there doesn't always have to be one. It's human nature to want to find the source of the problem and deal with it ASAP to make it go away. The problem is that you are injecting fear into your ruminations; you are marking your ruminations about this scary experience with terror, causing it to stay with you on both a conscious and subconscious level. You're caught in the worry cycle, your stress hormones are overstimulated, and your judgment is impaired. You are experiencing derealization and depression on top of all of this, which is causing the sense of brain fog and doubt that you feel.
Do everything you can to distance yourself from these thoughts. Accept them as a sign that your mind is powerful and intricate. Accept the uncertainty that you feel, and learn from it. Understand that it will make you stronger. Things aren't always black and white.
Hope this helps...
Sorry to hear you're not feeling so well, but I have a couple of interesting thoughts on the subject. First, let me say that I have anxiety from time to time, but still investigating the specifics of it. I'd say it more closely resembles GAD to the extent that it doesn't fit the others, although my worries seem confined to a couple of day to day things. Could I be any more vague about this? :) Anyhow, my point is that all forms of anxiety take on an obsessive quality, and this is what makes it so unpleasant. It feels like there is no escape, whether it's obsessive thoughts, worries, phobias, panic attacks, whatever. And the obsessiveness occurs because we have acknowledged that we are deeply afraid of it -- and that is what is so troubling about it. Your brain emotionally marks those scary thoughts and defines them as threats to your well being. And, remember this: it isn't your thoughts or feelings that are the problem, it is your reaction to those thoughts and feelings that is causing the problem. When you look at it this way, it kind of demystifies what you are experiencing. It gives you a sense of control. I hope I'm making some sense here.
I'm convinced that what you are feeling is just a form of anxiety, nothing more, nothing less. You are trying to pinpoint a thought that might be responsible for the anxiety, but you need to remember that there doesn't always have to be one. It's human nature to want to find the source of the problem and deal with it ASAP to make it go away. The problem is that you are injecting fear into your ruminations; you are marking your ruminations about this scary experience with terror, causing it to stay with you on both a conscious and subconscious level. You're caught in the worry cycle, your stress hormones are overstimulated, and your judgment is impaired. You are experiencing derealization and depression on top of all of this, which is causing the sense of brain fog and doubt that you feel.
Do everything you can to distance yourself from these thoughts. Accept them as a sign that your mind is powerful and intricate. Accept the uncertainty that you feel, and learn from it. Understand that it will make you stronger. Things aren't always black and white.
Hope this helps...
Black-Dove
11-07-2003, 09:38 AM
Thanks Sanguine, and everyone, all of your words have helped a lot, despite it all being doubted in my brain. I feel better, I just wrote out all of my thoughts, fears, everything on a piece of paper and it eased my mind a little. The loneliness in my head isn't as strong now that I know I can just show my writings to whoever I need to show when it gets bad again and I feel like I can't explain things. You guys are the best and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me.
Love, Julia
Love, Julia
lifeisbeautiful
11-08-2003, 06:51 PM
hey julia
Well, im another person who knows EXACTLY wat ur talking about lol. ur not alone, sweetie. I swear. i used to cry to my mom all the time b/c i would get that exact feeling for like a couple minutes and i felt like i was going crazy, its so horrible it feels like nothing is real and everything i once knew is now unsure...its like things u just BELIEVE suddenly are ripped away...i dunno i cant even explain it, its an unexplainable thing but i HATE HATE HATE that feeling!! argh!!! it seriously just makes me want to cry and cry. luckily, i dont get it much nemore, i went on lexapro (which is a really good drug guys!! almost no side effects and it really helps!)
but yes, in the meantime, when i used to feel like that i would just cry and lie on my bed b/c i didnt know wat to do. but i figured out a way to kinda make it better. definitely DONT stay still and DONT dwell on it. as hard as it may seem, you have to move and like make urself feel 'real' again. talking to other people definitely helps. call up ur friend and talk and laugh. ull feel connected again. whatever u do, try not to dwell on it and freeze up b/c it just gets scarier and scarier. i also used to go talk to my mom and hug her, it made me feel a lot more grounded and secure. try it out, see wat works best for you so u dont have to suffer thru hell. please post back and tell me how ur doing.
also, thank you so much for having the courage to speak up, people like you help me SOOO much, b/c i know i am not alone. ur the best babe!! :D
lots of love
kelly
ps drinking definitely messes w/ ur head, so try not to do that, it will definitely mess w/ ur meds and make things worse. :nono:
Well, im another person who knows EXACTLY wat ur talking about lol. ur not alone, sweetie. I swear. i used to cry to my mom all the time b/c i would get that exact feeling for like a couple minutes and i felt like i was going crazy, its so horrible it feels like nothing is real and everything i once knew is now unsure...its like things u just BELIEVE suddenly are ripped away...i dunno i cant even explain it, its an unexplainable thing but i HATE HATE HATE that feeling!! argh!!! it seriously just makes me want to cry and cry. luckily, i dont get it much nemore, i went on lexapro (which is a really good drug guys!! almost no side effects and it really helps!)
but yes, in the meantime, when i used to feel like that i would just cry and lie on my bed b/c i didnt know wat to do. but i figured out a way to kinda make it better. definitely DONT stay still and DONT dwell on it. as hard as it may seem, you have to move and like make urself feel 'real' again. talking to other people definitely helps. call up ur friend and talk and laugh. ull feel connected again. whatever u do, try not to dwell on it and freeze up b/c it just gets scarier and scarier. i also used to go talk to my mom and hug her, it made me feel a lot more grounded and secure. try it out, see wat works best for you so u dont have to suffer thru hell. please post back and tell me how ur doing.
also, thank you so much for having the courage to speak up, people like you help me SOOO much, b/c i know i am not alone. ur the best babe!! :D
lots of love
kelly
ps drinking definitely messes w/ ur head, so try not to do that, it will definitely mess w/ ur meds and make things worse. :nono:
Black-Dove
11-08-2003, 07:15 PM
Hey Kelly,
Thank YOU so much for speaking up :) I'm so sorry that you and anyone else has to go through this horrible thought process. But it's such a relief that I'm not alone. I swear, I don't know what I would do without the internet. lol. Well, I'm very glad that you've overcome it. I did too for a long time, ,but I think my meds just quit on me for a little bit. I'm feeling alot better today though. i woke up and felt it coming for a bit, but then it just passed and I don't feel too anxious about it. Hopefully it's slowly going away again (knock on wood). I just gotta stop drinking when I've overcome it. When it's gone I feel like my normal self and go out and party with my friends and get a little too caught up in going out, having fun, and getting drunk every night (I just graduated and am taking a year off before I go to college and am trying to find a job, so I have a lot of spare time ;) ). Then it comes and bites me in the butt again and I stay in my house for a week straight. My friends probably think I'm crazy. One week out feeling great, then the next I'm in bed and don't even want to think about going out :eek:
Take care and THANK YOU!!
Love, Julia
Thank YOU so much for speaking up :) I'm so sorry that you and anyone else has to go through this horrible thought process. But it's such a relief that I'm not alone. I swear, I don't know what I would do without the internet. lol. Well, I'm very glad that you've overcome it. I did too for a long time, ,but I think my meds just quit on me for a little bit. I'm feeling alot better today though. i woke up and felt it coming for a bit, but then it just passed and I don't feel too anxious about it. Hopefully it's slowly going away again (knock on wood). I just gotta stop drinking when I've overcome it. When it's gone I feel like my normal self and go out and party with my friends and get a little too caught up in going out, having fun, and getting drunk every night (I just graduated and am taking a year off before I go to college and am trying to find a job, so I have a lot of spare time ;) ). Then it comes and bites me in the butt again and I stay in my house for a week straight. My friends probably think I'm crazy. One week out feeling great, then the next I'm in bed and don't even want to think about going out :eek:
Take care and THANK YOU!!
Love, Julia