gogocrazy
10-16-2003, 11:18 PM
Hey! I'm only 13, and I don't know whether I have a disorder or whether nothing's unusual, and whether I should tell somebody or not. I'm not sure if I have OCD, or another disorder, and I would really appreciate some help. Thanks!
I'm kind of embarrassed about my behaviors, but I really want to know if I should talk to someone. I probably won't post all of them, but I'll post the majority of them.
My first behavior is that I'm always terrified of someone breaking into my house. If I'm downstairs putting my dog in her kennel at night or something, I always think that somebody's going to come out of nowhere and grab me when the lights aren't on.
The following symptoms are kind of related. Whenever I brush my hair, I always end off by brushing the right side once, then the left side twice, then the right side again. Whenever I brush my teeth, I always go left to right along the back of my bottom teeth, then the top of my bottom teeth, then the along the middle of my bottom teeth, then the middle of my top teeth, then the front of my bottom teeth, then the front of my top teeth, then the very very front teeth once, the very very bottom teeth twice, and the very very front teeth once again. Whenever I floss my teeth, I always end off by flossing the front middle once, the bottom middle twice, then the top middle once again. I always say the same thing to my dog and my parents before I go to bed, and if something doesn't feel "right" I always like stretch my fingers out and swallow...then I choke and cough. I always do my best to say bye to people in the same order, and I always wash my face the exactly same way. Like I go from my forehead counter-clockwise, then around my cheeks, then down my nose, on the right once, the left twice, then right once again. Then I go on my eyebrows (I don't know why I was wash like around my eyebrows...) by going on the right one once, the left one twice, then the right one once again.
When I was younger I would go to the washroom about 10-20 times at night (I wouldn't even wait two minutes) because it didn't "feel" right, and I would also always collect rocks because I knew that I would never find another one just like it and sometimes I keep useless tags and stuff.
These aren't all of my symptoms, but all of them are pretty similar. I know this is pretty long, but please read it. I would really appreciate any help. Thanks so much!
Daniela
This isn't all of my symptoms, but they're some, and all of them are pretty similar.
I'm kind of embarrassed about my behaviors, but I really want to know if I should talk to someone. I probably won't post all of them, but I'll post the majority of them.
My first behavior is that I'm always terrified of someone breaking into my house. If I'm downstairs putting my dog in her kennel at night or something, I always think that somebody's going to come out of nowhere and grab me when the lights aren't on.
The following symptoms are kind of related. Whenever I brush my hair, I always end off by brushing the right side once, then the left side twice, then the right side again. Whenever I brush my teeth, I always go left to right along the back of my bottom teeth, then the top of my bottom teeth, then the along the middle of my bottom teeth, then the middle of my top teeth, then the front of my bottom teeth, then the front of my top teeth, then the very very front teeth once, the very very bottom teeth twice, and the very very front teeth once again. Whenever I floss my teeth, I always end off by flossing the front middle once, the bottom middle twice, then the top middle once again. I always say the same thing to my dog and my parents before I go to bed, and if something doesn't feel "right" I always like stretch my fingers out and swallow...then I choke and cough. I always do my best to say bye to people in the same order, and I always wash my face the exactly same way. Like I go from my forehead counter-clockwise, then around my cheeks, then down my nose, on the right once, the left twice, then right once again. Then I go on my eyebrows (I don't know why I was wash like around my eyebrows...) by going on the right one once, the left one twice, then the right one once again.
When I was younger I would go to the washroom about 10-20 times at night (I wouldn't even wait two minutes) because it didn't "feel" right, and I would also always collect rocks because I knew that I would never find another one just like it and sometimes I keep useless tags and stuff.
These aren't all of my symptoms, but all of them are pretty similar. I know this is pretty long, but please read it. I would really appreciate any help. Thanks so much!
Daniela
This isn't all of my symptoms, but they're some, and all of them are pretty similar.
Sponsor
Sanguine
10-17-2003, 12:56 AM
Hi Daniela,
Without knowing your other symptoms, I would say that it sounds like you *could* be exhibiting some OCD-like tendencies. The examples in your post that seem most OCD-related to me were the continuous visits to the bathroom, and the sort of goodbye rituals that you discussed. The other things you mention, i.e. the way you brush your teeth and being terrified of the dark may or may not be OCD behaviors. The more important question is, how much time are these behaviors taking out of your day, and are you feeling anxiety as a result of these things? Are you having any obsessive thoughts? Do you feel a sense of relief when you perform these rituals?
You sound like a very intelligent person for your age, and it was smart to do a little research online. I hope you find some answers.
Good luck...
Without knowing your other symptoms, I would say that it sounds like you *could* be exhibiting some OCD-like tendencies. The examples in your post that seem most OCD-related to me were the continuous visits to the bathroom, and the sort of goodbye rituals that you discussed. The other things you mention, i.e. the way you brush your teeth and being terrified of the dark may or may not be OCD behaviors. The more important question is, how much time are these behaviors taking out of your day, and are you feeling anxiety as a result of these things? Are you having any obsessive thoughts? Do you feel a sense of relief when you perform these rituals?
You sound like a very intelligent person for your age, and it was smart to do a little research online. I hope you find some answers.
Good luck...
TerryB
10-17-2003, 10:41 PM
Daniela,
I have a 4 year old daughter with OCD and I have been told that younger people often do very well with cognitive behavioural therapy. If these rituals and fears are keeping you from carrying out the things that you want to do in life then you should tell your parents and ask to see an OCD specialist. The OCD specialist will be able to tell you for sure whether it is a form of OCD or something else.
We have several family members with OCD and some have done remarkably well and one is doing very poorly. It is not a death sentence but a challenge. One member used cognitive behavioural therapy before it was even used clinically. She is in her 70's now and went through a 5 year period of germ OCD. She basically got sick and tired of it and bossed it away until it didn't come back again. Changing clothe diapers for three kids also helped her to overcome this condition.
The family member who is doing very poorly has had OCD since childhood but it was never treated until she was in her 40's. The condition was never explained to her and she has had pretty bad psychological counseling. She also has several other health conditions that are very depressing and discouraging.
My advice again is that you get help if this is holding you back in any way. The earlier you start combating it the better.
Terry
I have a 4 year old daughter with OCD and I have been told that younger people often do very well with cognitive behavioural therapy. If these rituals and fears are keeping you from carrying out the things that you want to do in life then you should tell your parents and ask to see an OCD specialist. The OCD specialist will be able to tell you for sure whether it is a form of OCD or something else.
We have several family members with OCD and some have done remarkably well and one is doing very poorly. It is not a death sentence but a challenge. One member used cognitive behavioural therapy before it was even used clinically. She is in her 70's now and went through a 5 year period of germ OCD. She basically got sick and tired of it and bossed it away until it didn't come back again. Changing clothe diapers for three kids also helped her to overcome this condition.
The family member who is doing very poorly has had OCD since childhood but it was never treated until she was in her 40's. The condition was never explained to her and she has had pretty bad psychological counseling. She also has several other health conditions that are very depressing and discouraging.
My advice again is that you get help if this is holding you back in any way. The earlier you start combating it the better.
Terry
gogocrazy
10-18-2003, 01:34 AM
Hey!
Thanks for responding, it helps a lot.
My other symptoms that I can remember (I'm pretty sure that this is all of them) are like re-reading something all of the time, even though I understand it perfectly the first time. I always do that swallow and stretch out my fingers thing though. I also often do that if I'm just sitting around, because it doesn't "feel right." Sometimes I'll re-read the previous sentence, then paragraph, and sometimes it'll take up to 5 minutes to read a line that I already understand.
For some reason, I don't know why, I'm still scared of going to the washroom if it's somewhere other than my house. I slowly stopped going to the washroom 10-20 times at night, it made me really anxious. Now I go through another ritual, as in telling myself when I'm going to be back, what I'm doing, etc.
I'm pretty sure I feel a sense of relief after I preform these rituals, actually I'm nearly certain I do. Only today when I tried to find out if I did, it only made it not feel "right," so I would stretch out my fingers and everything again.
Before I go to bed every night, I make sure that the computers are parallel to the edge of the desk, that the volume is turned down, that the mousepads are straight, and that the mouse is at the edge of the mousepad. I don't know why I do it, I just do.
Also, when I was younger, I would clean all of the time. I couldn't stand anything being "out of order." I would constantly tidy everything up in every room, and it drove me insane. I do that much less frequently now, and I don't know if it's just my personality or if it's somehow related. I still organize things now, but I'm definitely not a "neat freak" and sometimes my locker or room get kind of messy.
Also, sometimes things that I write have to be "perfect." For instance, when I would have to make dichotomous keys for Science class, it would take me forever because the rectangles weren't perfect. However, sometimes I just don't care at all either. When I ended up finishing the dichotomous key, I was in a rush and I didn't care if everything was straight. The same thing happens when I'm making a title page and I have to divide the page in 3. It drives me crazy if it's not straight. Of course, it never ends up being perfect, but it takes me forever. Also, if I always pop something if it even slightly resembles a black head or pimple, and most of the time it's not. I'm not obsessed about my image, I don't do my hair or wear make-up, and since I wear a uniform every day I don't have to worry about how I dress, but popping "zits" on my face has become so ordinary that I barely notice it anymore. I'm not sure if this is a symptom, but I thought I should include it just in case.
When I used to ask myself why I did this, or I tried to pass by a ritual, I would tell myself "Well, if a burgular comes or something, you wouldn't have done it right." Now when I ask myself, as I've started to research OCD, I tell myself that I have to do it if I think about not doing a ritual one time.
I think that my parents have a vague idea about what's going on with me. I know that they knew about what I was doing when I went to the washroom 10-20 times a night. When we went on vacation one time I was up for two hours past the time I had gone to bed going to the washroom about every two minutes, and since I was in the same room as them and I know that they couldn't have slept through me going past their bed and flushing the toilet every time, they heard me. I've also brought up the subject of OCD a few times and been more interested in what my dad does. My dad constantly (even when he's asleep) moves his toes, he can't stop. I keep on asking him why he does it, but he says that he doesn't know. I asked him if he could act the doctor because I was curious, and he said okay, but I doubt he ever will. I think that he may have a tic disorder, and I know that those can be associated with OCD (at least I read that somewhere, is that right?), but I'm not sure.
As for the time these behaviors are taking up each day, I don't have a very accurate answer. I tried timing one time, but the routines become so ordinary in my life, that I forget to time. They used to take up more time, but now maybe they take up about 30 minutes to one hour. It fluctuates from day to day though.
These rituals provide me with a fair bit of anxiety as result of these things, but like the time I spend on them, that also fluctuates a fair amount. Sometimes I can't stand it and I want to get help more than ever, and sometimes I think that I can deal with it for a while and I won't have to tell my parents. I really want help though, I think it will help. I've been showing symptoms for a while, but I didn't notice how unusual it really was until recently.
I've told two of my closest friends that I think I may have OCD, but they don't seem to care a lot. They're great friends, and they were concerned when I brought it up, but other than that they don't seem to care, and I don't talk to them a lot anymore because we're not in the same class this year. I haven't told my best friend, or my closest friend at my school about it, but my closest friend at my school just joke around, and I don't know what my best friend would think. I'm so scared about telling my parents though. I'm so worried that I might be wrong, and that they won't think of me as the same kid anymore, they've had their share of problems recently. I really want to get help though. Do you know of a way that I could approach my parents? I'm so confused.
I know that this is very long, but thank you so much for reading this. I'd really appreciate any other responses or additional advice. Thanks so much!
Daniela
Thanks for responding, it helps a lot.
My other symptoms that I can remember (I'm pretty sure that this is all of them) are like re-reading something all of the time, even though I understand it perfectly the first time. I always do that swallow and stretch out my fingers thing though. I also often do that if I'm just sitting around, because it doesn't "feel right." Sometimes I'll re-read the previous sentence, then paragraph, and sometimes it'll take up to 5 minutes to read a line that I already understand.
For some reason, I don't know why, I'm still scared of going to the washroom if it's somewhere other than my house. I slowly stopped going to the washroom 10-20 times at night, it made me really anxious. Now I go through another ritual, as in telling myself when I'm going to be back, what I'm doing, etc.
I'm pretty sure I feel a sense of relief after I preform these rituals, actually I'm nearly certain I do. Only today when I tried to find out if I did, it only made it not feel "right," so I would stretch out my fingers and everything again.
Before I go to bed every night, I make sure that the computers are parallel to the edge of the desk, that the volume is turned down, that the mousepads are straight, and that the mouse is at the edge of the mousepad. I don't know why I do it, I just do.
Also, when I was younger, I would clean all of the time. I couldn't stand anything being "out of order." I would constantly tidy everything up in every room, and it drove me insane. I do that much less frequently now, and I don't know if it's just my personality or if it's somehow related. I still organize things now, but I'm definitely not a "neat freak" and sometimes my locker or room get kind of messy.
Also, sometimes things that I write have to be "perfect." For instance, when I would have to make dichotomous keys for Science class, it would take me forever because the rectangles weren't perfect. However, sometimes I just don't care at all either. When I ended up finishing the dichotomous key, I was in a rush and I didn't care if everything was straight. The same thing happens when I'm making a title page and I have to divide the page in 3. It drives me crazy if it's not straight. Of course, it never ends up being perfect, but it takes me forever. Also, if I always pop something if it even slightly resembles a black head or pimple, and most of the time it's not. I'm not obsessed about my image, I don't do my hair or wear make-up, and since I wear a uniform every day I don't have to worry about how I dress, but popping "zits" on my face has become so ordinary that I barely notice it anymore. I'm not sure if this is a symptom, but I thought I should include it just in case.
When I used to ask myself why I did this, or I tried to pass by a ritual, I would tell myself "Well, if a burgular comes or something, you wouldn't have done it right." Now when I ask myself, as I've started to research OCD, I tell myself that I have to do it if I think about not doing a ritual one time.
I think that my parents have a vague idea about what's going on with me. I know that they knew about what I was doing when I went to the washroom 10-20 times a night. When we went on vacation one time I was up for two hours past the time I had gone to bed going to the washroom about every two minutes, and since I was in the same room as them and I know that they couldn't have slept through me going past their bed and flushing the toilet every time, they heard me. I've also brought up the subject of OCD a few times and been more interested in what my dad does. My dad constantly (even when he's asleep) moves his toes, he can't stop. I keep on asking him why he does it, but he says that he doesn't know. I asked him if he could act the doctor because I was curious, and he said okay, but I doubt he ever will. I think that he may have a tic disorder, and I know that those can be associated with OCD (at least I read that somewhere, is that right?), but I'm not sure.
As for the time these behaviors are taking up each day, I don't have a very accurate answer. I tried timing one time, but the routines become so ordinary in my life, that I forget to time. They used to take up more time, but now maybe they take up about 30 minutes to one hour. It fluctuates from day to day though.
These rituals provide me with a fair bit of anxiety as result of these things, but like the time I spend on them, that also fluctuates a fair amount. Sometimes I can't stand it and I want to get help more than ever, and sometimes I think that I can deal with it for a while and I won't have to tell my parents. I really want help though, I think it will help. I've been showing symptoms for a while, but I didn't notice how unusual it really was until recently.
I've told two of my closest friends that I think I may have OCD, but they don't seem to care a lot. They're great friends, and they were concerned when I brought it up, but other than that they don't seem to care, and I don't talk to them a lot anymore because we're not in the same class this year. I haven't told my best friend, or my closest friend at my school about it, but my closest friend at my school just joke around, and I don't know what my best friend would think. I'm so scared about telling my parents though. I'm so worried that I might be wrong, and that they won't think of me as the same kid anymore, they've had their share of problems recently. I really want to get help though. Do you know of a way that I could approach my parents? I'm so confused.
I know that this is very long, but thank you so much for reading this. I'd really appreciate any other responses or additional advice. Thanks so much!
Daniela
Sanguine
10-18-2003, 07:44 AM
Hi again Daniela,
First of all, you really are very articulate for a 13 year old, which is great. You seem to have a very good handle on your symptoms and what is bothering you, and that will always prove to be the most important thing going forward.
These things do seem to be causing you distress, and you are definitely exhibiting OCD-like symptoms in my opinion. Some of it seems pretty harmless though; i.e. your tidiness and exactness in some of you school assignments. Unless those particular things are causing you significant distress or impeding your studies, they may actually become assets in the long run as far as school is concerned.
It is good that you want to get help for this, and I think you should as soon as you feel comfortable doing so. The reason I say this is that you are young enough to quickly and effectively make appropriate changes; you can and will get better. I think sometimes it is easier to fix things in our psyche and personality when we are younger because we are still forming neural pathways and our brains are still very plastic in many ways.
The next step is to find a way to broach the subject with your parents. I think the best way is to be as forthcoming with them as possible and explain your concerns. Explain to them that your main concerns in coming to them about this is that you need their understanding and that this doesn't change who you are and have always been. This condition does not define your character or spirit, Daniela. This is something that is VERY treatable. Be open and honest with them, and explain that you would like to at least be evaluated by a physician because you want to get better. I really think they will be understanding and will help you take care of this -- there is no reason to live in fear or be ashamed.
Anyhow, I think I've said enough for now...keep us posted on what you decide to do. Take care, best of luck to you...
First of all, you really are very articulate for a 13 year old, which is great. You seem to have a very good handle on your symptoms and what is bothering you, and that will always prove to be the most important thing going forward.
These things do seem to be causing you distress, and you are definitely exhibiting OCD-like symptoms in my opinion. Some of it seems pretty harmless though; i.e. your tidiness and exactness in some of you school assignments. Unless those particular things are causing you significant distress or impeding your studies, they may actually become assets in the long run as far as school is concerned.
It is good that you want to get help for this, and I think you should as soon as you feel comfortable doing so. The reason I say this is that you are young enough to quickly and effectively make appropriate changes; you can and will get better. I think sometimes it is easier to fix things in our psyche and personality when we are younger because we are still forming neural pathways and our brains are still very plastic in many ways.
The next step is to find a way to broach the subject with your parents. I think the best way is to be as forthcoming with them as possible and explain your concerns. Explain to them that your main concerns in coming to them about this is that you need their understanding and that this doesn't change who you are and have always been. This condition does not define your character or spirit, Daniela. This is something that is VERY treatable. Be open and honest with them, and explain that you would like to at least be evaluated by a physician because you want to get better. I really think they will be understanding and will help you take care of this -- there is no reason to live in fear or be ashamed.
Anyhow, I think I've said enough for now...keep us posted on what you decide to do. Take care, best of luck to you...
TerryB
10-18-2003, 09:53 AM
Parents like anyone else can go into denial when it comes to problems with their kids. I would think that it would be good to let them know that it is a good thing that you recognize that you have these issues so that you can get early intervention and therefore achieve your maximum potential in life. My main objective as a parent is to help my children grow up to be happpy and self-sufficient.
Your school psychologist and your pediatrician could probably give you references for a good OCD specialist. Finding the right psychologist was one of the hardest things for me as a parent. It took 4 tries but it was worth it. If you want cognititive behavioural therapy (and I would recommend it) you would see a psychologist. A psychiatrist mainly gives medications.
Your friends probably don't understand OCD. I hear people joking that they have OCD as if it is something trivial or even positive (like "I have OCD when it comes to keeping my house clean"). People who don't have it don't realize that the "real thing" can be very disturbing to an individual.
I too was the child that suffered in silence and now as a parent I wish that I had demanded more attention. My brother and sister always had more problems than me so I felt sorry for my parents. Also, keep in mind that a child that doesn't complain much is often taken very seriously when she does complain. A good way to start a tough conversation might be something like "Mom, Dad, you know that I'm not one to be needy so I really would like you to hear me out...."
Hope this helps, Terry
Your school psychologist and your pediatrician could probably give you references for a good OCD specialist. Finding the right psychologist was one of the hardest things for me as a parent. It took 4 tries but it was worth it. If you want cognititive behavioural therapy (and I would recommend it) you would see a psychologist. A psychiatrist mainly gives medications.
Your friends probably don't understand OCD. I hear people joking that they have OCD as if it is something trivial or even positive (like "I have OCD when it comes to keeping my house clean"). People who don't have it don't realize that the "real thing" can be very disturbing to an individual.
I too was the child that suffered in silence and now as a parent I wish that I had demanded more attention. My brother and sister always had more problems than me so I felt sorry for my parents. Also, keep in mind that a child that doesn't complain much is often taken very seriously when she does complain. A good way to start a tough conversation might be something like "Mom, Dad, you know that I'm not one to be needy so I really would like you to hear me out...."
Hope this helps, Terry
gogocrazy
10-23-2003, 10:52 PM
Hey!
Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I read them, but I didn't really know what to say. Thanks for replying again.
I don't know whether I should tell my parents or not. Actually, I know I should, I just don't know if I have enough courage or how to approach the subject if I work up enough courage. I don't know whether I should tell them that I think I have OCD, or just tell them that I have a concern because I do things that I don't think are normal. I doubt I even know what normal is though. Whenever I do something, I wonder whether it's normal or not, and I have no idea, although I doubt it is. Also, since I don't think my rituals take up over an hour a day, could I still be diagnosed with OCD? Is me popping anything that resembles a zit in the least a symptom, or is it normal? Is stopping in front of a door at night and doing my swallowing thing and saying the date and probably doing it at least 3 times because it doesn't feel right really abnormal? Also, could my dad constantly moving his toes be a tic-disorder, and are those associated with OCD?
I guess my greatest fear is being wrong. I don't know what my parents, or anyone who finds out, will think about me if I tell them that I think I have a disorder, then I don't. I don't know what my teachers will think if they somehow find out, and I don't know if my friends will think I'm insane. Actually, I think the two that I already told think I'm overreacting and it's nothing.
I usually have the most courage at night, once I've gone through a day and I want all of the rituals to stop. Once I wake up in the morning, however, I think I'm fine and I can live with it.
I don't know what to do. I know that I should tell them, but I don't know how to or what to do after I do tell them and everything, although I guess I should figure out how to tell them first. I would really appreciate any replies, thanks for all of the help.
Daniela
Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I read them, but I didn't really know what to say. Thanks for replying again.
I don't know whether I should tell my parents or not. Actually, I know I should, I just don't know if I have enough courage or how to approach the subject if I work up enough courage. I don't know whether I should tell them that I think I have OCD, or just tell them that I have a concern because I do things that I don't think are normal. I doubt I even know what normal is though. Whenever I do something, I wonder whether it's normal or not, and I have no idea, although I doubt it is. Also, since I don't think my rituals take up over an hour a day, could I still be diagnosed with OCD? Is me popping anything that resembles a zit in the least a symptom, or is it normal? Is stopping in front of a door at night and doing my swallowing thing and saying the date and probably doing it at least 3 times because it doesn't feel right really abnormal? Also, could my dad constantly moving his toes be a tic-disorder, and are those associated with OCD?
I guess my greatest fear is being wrong. I don't know what my parents, or anyone who finds out, will think about me if I tell them that I think I have a disorder, then I don't. I don't know what my teachers will think if they somehow find out, and I don't know if my friends will think I'm insane. Actually, I think the two that I already told think I'm overreacting and it's nothing.
I usually have the most courage at night, once I've gone through a day and I want all of the rituals to stop. Once I wake up in the morning, however, I think I'm fine and I can live with it.
I don't know what to do. I know that I should tell them, but I don't know how to or what to do after I do tell them and everything, although I guess I should figure out how to tell them first. I would really appreciate any replies, thanks for all of the help.
Daniela
gogocrazy
10-24-2003, 11:03 PM
Hey!
I also forgot some other symptoms that I remembered. Sometimes when I read or hear a word (there's no pattern to when I do it) I'll "type" it out. Like I'll type where the keyboard would be. When I do this, I do it a lot of times, and sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it, but when I decide to stop, I'll do it five more times, but if it doesn't feel right or if I make a mistake, I'll do it another five times, until I get it "perfect." This is fairly common, but it doesn't cause me a lot of anxiety.
Also, sometimes I really obsess over things. For instance, with my friend that I used to be really close to, but we're drifting apart despite our efforts to make our friendship stronger. At school, I notice that she's changed a lot and that I'm not sure I want her as a friend, but I'm still constantly thinking about it. Then at home I'm still constantly thinking about it, and I forget what she's like now. I'm always thinking of ways to strengthen our friendship again. I also always tell her how I feel, no matter how much I do, and I think that I should confess and maybe something will change. I also sometimes write e-mails, but the majority of the time I don't even send them because I don't want to make a mistake. I also sometimes really obsess over conversations that happened with various people throughout the day and think of ways that I could have reacted or how I shouldn't have said something, when in reality, it didn't make the slightest difference. In addition to that, I also sometimes obsess over people and I don't want them to hate me. This used to be worse and I've done my best to stop because this is labelled as "weird," but I still care a lot.
Also, I always think about things happening to people that I care about. I don't have visual pictures as I read some people with OCD do, I just think about what could happen and what I would do and what would happen from it, when the chances of some of the things happening are very slim.
Lastly, I hate things that can't be undone. For instance, taking a sticker off of a sheet of stickers, or taking the protective plastic off of a lens. This isn't huge, but it definitely bothers me.
If these are also possible symptoms of OCD, then my obsessions definitely take up over an hour a day. This is causing me a lot of anxiety and it's really bothering me only I'm too scared to tell my parents because I don't want to be "the girl with the disorder" or "the girl who thought she had a disorder," although I know I should.
Sorry for not including this in my last post and thank you so much for replying to my previous posts. I'm sorry if I'm getting annoying, this is really bothering me though and I don't know what to do. I think I'm getting closer to tell my parents though because I know I can't go on like this. After reading everything, do you think it's possible that I have OCD? Are the actions that I listed in this post possible symptoms of OCD?
Thanks,
Daniela
I also forgot some other symptoms that I remembered. Sometimes when I read or hear a word (there's no pattern to when I do it) I'll "type" it out. Like I'll type where the keyboard would be. When I do this, I do it a lot of times, and sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it, but when I decide to stop, I'll do it five more times, but if it doesn't feel right or if I make a mistake, I'll do it another five times, until I get it "perfect." This is fairly common, but it doesn't cause me a lot of anxiety.
Also, sometimes I really obsess over things. For instance, with my friend that I used to be really close to, but we're drifting apart despite our efforts to make our friendship stronger. At school, I notice that she's changed a lot and that I'm not sure I want her as a friend, but I'm still constantly thinking about it. Then at home I'm still constantly thinking about it, and I forget what she's like now. I'm always thinking of ways to strengthen our friendship again. I also always tell her how I feel, no matter how much I do, and I think that I should confess and maybe something will change. I also sometimes write e-mails, but the majority of the time I don't even send them because I don't want to make a mistake. I also sometimes really obsess over conversations that happened with various people throughout the day and think of ways that I could have reacted or how I shouldn't have said something, when in reality, it didn't make the slightest difference. In addition to that, I also sometimes obsess over people and I don't want them to hate me. This used to be worse and I've done my best to stop because this is labelled as "weird," but I still care a lot.
Also, I always think about things happening to people that I care about. I don't have visual pictures as I read some people with OCD do, I just think about what could happen and what I would do and what would happen from it, when the chances of some of the things happening are very slim.
Lastly, I hate things that can't be undone. For instance, taking a sticker off of a sheet of stickers, or taking the protective plastic off of a lens. This isn't huge, but it definitely bothers me.
If these are also possible symptoms of OCD, then my obsessions definitely take up over an hour a day. This is causing me a lot of anxiety and it's really bothering me only I'm too scared to tell my parents because I don't want to be "the girl with the disorder" or "the girl who thought she had a disorder," although I know I should.
Sorry for not including this in my last post and thank you so much for replying to my previous posts. I'm sorry if I'm getting annoying, this is really bothering me though and I don't know what to do. I think I'm getting closer to tell my parents though because I know I can't go on like this. After reading everything, do you think it's possible that I have OCD? Are the actions that I listed in this post possible symptoms of OCD?
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
10-25-2003, 01:29 AM
Could you just have your parents read this thread?
gogocrazy
10-26-2003, 12:07 PM
Hey!
I could show them this thread, but I'd prefer not to, so I think that will be my last resort. I think I'd be taken more seriously if I told them myself and I don't know what their reaction would be if I showed them a thread on a message board. I'm worried about their reaction, and their reaction would be less predictable if I did that. I'm just going to think about everything more. Thanks for the suggestion though.
Daniela
[This message has been edited by gogocrazy (edited 10-26-2003).]
I could show them this thread, but I'd prefer not to, so I think that will be my last resort. I think I'd be taken more seriously if I told them myself and I don't know what their reaction would be if I showed them a thread on a message board. I'm worried about their reaction, and their reaction would be less predictable if I did that. I'm just going to think about everything more. Thanks for the suggestion though.
Daniela
[This message has been edited by gogocrazy (edited 10-26-2003).]
gogocrazy
10-28-2003, 11:24 PM
Hey!
Okay, I know that all of you probably aren't very interested, but if you could please respond, I would really appreciate it, this is changing my life so much.
Well, I just came back from talking to my parents, only it didn't go very well. In my mind, I was trying to talk to them, but they didn't seem to care. My mom was looking at a city map, and my dad was reading one of his business books. I started off by asking my dad why he's constantly moving his toes, then when he said "I don't know," I asked him if it was heritable, because sometimes I find myself doing it too. Nobody answered to that, so I asked my parents if they remembered when I went to the bathroom around 10-20 times a night. My mom said "Yeah," but didn't show any interest in it. Then when I was about to continue, my dad started to say something, so I apologized for interupting and asked him to continue. He told my mom that he didn't get a fax that he was supposed to receive today. So, I continued and asked if they could ask my doctor why I used to do that, because I do a lot of strange things, and my mom said no (still not showing any interesting in the topic), and kept on looking a map. I stayed there for another minute or two, then just walked away. Neither of them cared.
Don't get me wrong, they don't ignore me, and they care about what happens at school and all of that, but them not caring really hurt. I'm on the verge of tears, my eyes are watering up. It took a lot of courage to say that to them, even though I didn't approach it in the best way, and they didn't show any interest. I'm so scared of being wrong that I don't want to tell them that I think I have OCD, just that I do weird things so that I can get checked out. I don't want them to think differently of me. I don't know what to do.
If anyone has any alternate ways of bringing this subject up with my parents, or who else I should go to, please tell me. I'm so confused. I know this doesn't seem like much, but I'm not very strong. Please help me.
Thanks,
Daniela
Sorry for the post directly after this, it's exactly the same. I accidently posted it again. Thanks.
[This message has been edited by gogocrazy (edited 10-28-2003).]
Okay, I know that all of you probably aren't very interested, but if you could please respond, I would really appreciate it, this is changing my life so much.
Well, I just came back from talking to my parents, only it didn't go very well. In my mind, I was trying to talk to them, but they didn't seem to care. My mom was looking at a city map, and my dad was reading one of his business books. I started off by asking my dad why he's constantly moving his toes, then when he said "I don't know," I asked him if it was heritable, because sometimes I find myself doing it too. Nobody answered to that, so I asked my parents if they remembered when I went to the bathroom around 10-20 times a night. My mom said "Yeah," but didn't show any interest in it. Then when I was about to continue, my dad started to say something, so I apologized for interupting and asked him to continue. He told my mom that he didn't get a fax that he was supposed to receive today. So, I continued and asked if they could ask my doctor why I used to do that, because I do a lot of strange things, and my mom said no (still not showing any interesting in the topic), and kept on looking a map. I stayed there for another minute or two, then just walked away. Neither of them cared.
Don't get me wrong, they don't ignore me, and they care about what happens at school and all of that, but them not caring really hurt. I'm on the verge of tears, my eyes are watering up. It took a lot of courage to say that to them, even though I didn't approach it in the best way, and they didn't show any interest. I'm so scared of being wrong that I don't want to tell them that I think I have OCD, just that I do weird things so that I can get checked out. I don't want them to think differently of me. I don't know what to do.
If anyone has any alternate ways of bringing this subject up with my parents, or who else I should go to, please tell me. I'm so confused. I know this doesn't seem like much, but I'm not very strong. Please help me.
Thanks,
Daniela
Sorry for the post directly after this, it's exactly the same. I accidently posted it again. Thanks.
[This message has been edited by gogocrazy (edited 10-28-2003).]
gogocrazy
10-28-2003, 11:25 PM
Hey!
Okay, I know that all of you probably aren't very interested, but if you could please respond, I would really appreciate it, this is changing my life so much.
Well, I just came back from talking to my parents, only it didn't go very well. In my mind, I was trying to talk to them, but they didn't seem to care. My mom was looking at a city map, and my dad was reading one of his business books. I started off by asking my dad why he's constantly moving his toes, then when he said "I don't know," I asked him if it was heritable, because sometimes I find myself doing it too. Nobody answered to that, so I asked my parents if they remembered when I went to the bathroom around 10-20 times a night. My mom said "Yeah," but didn't show any interest in it. Then when I was about to continue, my dad started to say something, so I apologized for interupting and asked him to continue. He told my mom that he didn't get a fax that he was supposed to receive today. So, I continued and asked if they could ask my doctor why I used to do that, because I do a lot of strange things, and my mom said no (still not showing any interesting in the topic), and kept on looking a map. I stayed there for another minute or two, then just walked away. Neither of them cared.
Don't get me wrong, they don't ignore me, and they care about what happens at school and all of that, but them not caring really hurt. I'm on the verge of tears, my eyes are watering up. It took a lot of courage to say that to them, even though I didn't approach it in the best way, and they didn't show any interest. I'm so scared of being wrong that I don't want to tell them that I think I have OCD, just that I do weird things so that I can get checked out. I don't want them to think differently of me. I don't know what to do.
If anyone has any alternate ways of bringing this subject up with my parents, or who else I should go to, please tell me. I'm so confused. I know this doesn't seem like much, but I'm not very strong. Please help me.
Thanks,
Daniela
Okay, I know that all of you probably aren't very interested, but if you could please respond, I would really appreciate it, this is changing my life so much.
Well, I just came back from talking to my parents, only it didn't go very well. In my mind, I was trying to talk to them, but they didn't seem to care. My mom was looking at a city map, and my dad was reading one of his business books. I started off by asking my dad why he's constantly moving his toes, then when he said "I don't know," I asked him if it was heritable, because sometimes I find myself doing it too. Nobody answered to that, so I asked my parents if they remembered when I went to the bathroom around 10-20 times a night. My mom said "Yeah," but didn't show any interest in it. Then when I was about to continue, my dad started to say something, so I apologized for interupting and asked him to continue. He told my mom that he didn't get a fax that he was supposed to receive today. So, I continued and asked if they could ask my doctor why I used to do that, because I do a lot of strange things, and my mom said no (still not showing any interesting in the topic), and kept on looking a map. I stayed there for another minute or two, then just walked away. Neither of them cared.
Don't get me wrong, they don't ignore me, and they care about what happens at school and all of that, but them not caring really hurt. I'm on the verge of tears, my eyes are watering up. It took a lot of courage to say that to them, even though I didn't approach it in the best way, and they didn't show any interest. I'm so scared of being wrong that I don't want to tell them that I think I have OCD, just that I do weird things so that I can get checked out. I don't want them to think differently of me. I don't know what to do.
If anyone has any alternate ways of bringing this subject up with my parents, or who else I should go to, please tell me. I'm so confused. I know this doesn't seem like much, but I'm not very strong. Please help me.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
10-29-2003, 07:59 AM
I use to write my parents letters when I was afraid to talk. I'm not sure, but it seems like they just don't understand your concern. Some people think that OCD is just quirky and doesn't cause suffering. I doubt it is that they don't care, it's just that they don't understand.
This is kind of sad but we couldn't afford health care when I was little and by older sister had big mental health problems. One Christmas she asked for a gift certificate to see a psychologist!
This is kind of sad but we couldn't afford health care when I was little and by older sister had big mental health problems. One Christmas she asked for a gift certificate to see a psychologist!
gogocrazy
11-02-2003, 10:43 PM
Hey!
Thanks for replying TerryB. I'm sorry about your sister, I know that I'm really lucky, and that I should be thankful. Thanks.
On Wednesday, I brought up the subject that I'm doing things that aren't normal, but he just dismissed it. I'm not losing hope yet, definitely not after what just happened.
About an hour ago, my sister and I were home alone, and we were making supper (by the way, my sister just turned 16). I brought up the subject of OCD, and she told me that she thought that she had OCD too. I told her all of my symptoms, and she told me her's. She said that she told my parents that she thought she had OCD about two years ago, but my parents said that it was just an influence from her friend (who has OCD), and they didn't listen. I asked her if she would tell them our concerns with me, since I think it would be a lot easier than doing it alone, but she said she wouldn't. She said that it's not too hard to live with. I don't know what to do now, but I definitely know that I can't live with this, because it's causing me a lot of distress. Even though I don't know what I'm going to do, it's comforting to know that my sister knows what I'm going through, and that I can talk to her anytime.
I've just finished telling my friend (one of my friends that already knew about it) about everything. The only reason I have enough courage to tell her is because we talked online, so I don't have to actually see her. Maybe if I really have to tell somebody and my parents aren't listening, I'll try sending my parents an e-mail or a letter like you recommended, TerryB.
Anyways, if you have any input or advice, I'd really appreciate if you could post it. If you want, I'll keep you posted. This board is really helping me a lot.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for replying TerryB. I'm sorry about your sister, I know that I'm really lucky, and that I should be thankful. Thanks.
On Wednesday, I brought up the subject that I'm doing things that aren't normal, but he just dismissed it. I'm not losing hope yet, definitely not after what just happened.
About an hour ago, my sister and I were home alone, and we were making supper (by the way, my sister just turned 16). I brought up the subject of OCD, and she told me that she thought that she had OCD too. I told her all of my symptoms, and she told me her's. She said that she told my parents that she thought she had OCD about two years ago, but my parents said that it was just an influence from her friend (who has OCD), and they didn't listen. I asked her if she would tell them our concerns with me, since I think it would be a lot easier than doing it alone, but she said she wouldn't. She said that it's not too hard to live with. I don't know what to do now, but I definitely know that I can't live with this, because it's causing me a lot of distress. Even though I don't know what I'm going to do, it's comforting to know that my sister knows what I'm going through, and that I can talk to her anytime.
I've just finished telling my friend (one of my friends that already knew about it) about everything. The only reason I have enough courage to tell her is because we talked online, so I don't have to actually see her. Maybe if I really have to tell somebody and my parents aren't listening, I'll try sending my parents an e-mail or a letter like you recommended, TerryB.
Anyways, if you have any input or advice, I'd really appreciate if you could post it. If you want, I'll keep you posted. This board is really helping me a lot.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
11-02-2003, 11:20 PM
I'm having trouble with my computer tonight so I hope this goes through. If all else fails you can go to the public library and check out some books. The book that was most useful to me was: Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It gives you the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy. There are books geared for adults also. On one of the recent threads a book was recommended to someone. Some libraries can get a book that they might not have. Our public library has several books about OCD and our town is fairly small.
Your parents are correct to be suspicious about Psychologists, so am I. Once we got to the level of OCD specialists there were no more quacks. I know that sounds mean but some of the psychologists that we saw initially knew llittle about OCD and they were so ignorant that they didn't have a clue that psychotherapy does not work for OCD. It was really easy to tell who was ignorant after reading a lot of books from the library. You could probably team up with your sister and learn a lot. Seeing a psychologist still helped me as a parent because some behaviors I could not imediately tell were OCD and therefore I was not dealing with them appropriately. Not everything is in the books.
Your father might be in denial about some of his own issues and is not ready to be exposed to it now.
Your parents are correct to be suspicious about Psychologists, so am I. Once we got to the level of OCD specialists there were no more quacks. I know that sounds mean but some of the psychologists that we saw initially knew llittle about OCD and they were so ignorant that they didn't have a clue that psychotherapy does not work for OCD. It was really easy to tell who was ignorant after reading a lot of books from the library. You could probably team up with your sister and learn a lot. Seeing a psychologist still helped me as a parent because some behaviors I could not imediately tell were OCD and therefore I was not dealing with them appropriately. Not everything is in the books.
Your father might be in denial about some of his own issues and is not ready to be exposed to it now.
michelle7
11-04-2003, 10:41 AM
Have you tried going to a website,such as webmd and printing out the information you find on ocd? Maybe this could help you in bringing up or discussing the subject with your parents.If you have all the information right in front of you,perhaps it will not only educate them on the subject,but maybe show them how serious you are about it,that it bothers you so much that you have taken the time to do research on it,and having this information will help you to show how this relates to you.I know as a mother of 3 children(16,10 and 5) that parents get distracted with things going on in their own lives.Sometimes,parents don't notice the extent to which something is bothering their children,and this is why,if you do decide to bring it up again,you need to ask them when they will have the time to sit down and discuss this problem you are having.Tell them it is extremely important and you would like to talk to them when they aren't busy.Maybe try talking to one parent at a time?If these things don't work,perhaps they are in denial as someone already suggested.If they don't take it seriously,maybe showing them information about it will help.I feel that ocd is not portrayed in the media correctly.They don't talk enough about the intrusive thoughts,a lot of times they make it sound freaky,by showing the most extreme cases of ocd,people who require hospitalization and focusing on the behavior part of it,rather than the thoughts that cause them.This gives people the wrong impression,it gave me the wrong impression years ago,when I first heard of it,and I had it all along,and didn't realize it until now.I'm glad you have your sister for support.From the things you wrote,although I am not a dr.,it sounds like you have it.If your parents won't help you,definetely find some self help books on ocd for you and your sister.Hang in there.Good luck.
sweetpoison68
11-05-2003, 12:23 PM
Hi
In my opinion just from you told us.I would say that your parents probably just dont know how to deal with this!!!I am not excusing their behavior however my parents are like this and ironically i married a man like this!!When the issues are too much to bear some people find it easier to push it under the rug..I have a 12 yr old daughter and i work very hard at making sure we dont push anything under the rug ..We deal with whatever comes and if i dont have the answers we will find them{library}. I dont want her to feel like you do or like i did with my parents.If we dont take the time to address our kids issues and help with problems then who will????..I agree w/other poster go to the library and read everything you can get your hands on..you sound as if you want help and you sound very smart!!! I really feel for you.I am a 35 yr old mom and wife and i can really relate to you!!!I have not been diagnosed but i sure do have alot in common with the people on this board including you.You sound like a lil version of me!!!! I have never told anyone about what goes on in my head..I had never known anyone else was like this until coming here...All this info i have found has got me on overload...I am gonna take my own advice and make a trip to the library today!!!!I wish you all the very best ..Gotta go..
SP68
In my opinion just from you told us.I would say that your parents probably just dont know how to deal with this!!!I am not excusing their behavior however my parents are like this and ironically i married a man like this!!When the issues are too much to bear some people find it easier to push it under the rug..I have a 12 yr old daughter and i work very hard at making sure we dont push anything under the rug ..We deal with whatever comes and if i dont have the answers we will find them{library}. I dont want her to feel like you do or like i did with my parents.If we dont take the time to address our kids issues and help with problems then who will????..I agree w/other poster go to the library and read everything you can get your hands on..you sound as if you want help and you sound very smart!!! I really feel for you.I am a 35 yr old mom and wife and i can really relate to you!!!I have not been diagnosed but i sure do have alot in common with the people on this board including you.You sound like a lil version of me!!!! I have never told anyone about what goes on in my head..I had never known anyone else was like this until coming here...All this info i have found has got me on overload...I am gonna take my own advice and make a trip to the library today!!!!I wish you all the very best ..Gotta go..
SP68
gogocrazy
11-06-2003, 11:01 PM
Hey!
Thanks for all of the replies, it really helps.
My sister doesn't want to tell my parents anything, but I tried to bring it up with them again by myself. I didn't bring any research along, just in case I'm wrong, but I think I might soon. I told them that, like my dad, I apparently sometimes move my toes and I don't notice (my sister told me that, and I know it's right, because I just saw them moving now). I told them that maybe it was something with the brain, and I'd like to get it checked out, but they just dismissed it. So, I told them that I have a lot of strange rituals, and that I'd like to get that checked out. They told me not to worry, that my dad has strange rituals also, so I asked them to give me an example. They gave me the example that he always does things in the same order every night, and he always checks things. For instance, even if he sees that the door is wide open, he has to get up and check it to be sure. Also, if someone locks a door, he has to check it for himself. I'm aware that constantly checking things is a symptom of OCD, so of course that was the first thing that came to my mind. Of course, it didn't sound like it took up too much time, but who knows, I mean I don't think he'd say anything. Anyways, I said that I'd still like to have it checked out, so my mom sarcastically said "By who? A phycologist?" So I told her that I would, but she said "No, it's not serious." So I tried to tell her about one of my symptoms, where I stretch out my fingers and swallow, then I end up coughing because I choke, and she looked at me like I was insane before I finished, so I just stopped and asked her if I could tell the family doctor, and she agreed, but sounded unenthusiastic like she didn't care, and said "He'll just tell you the same thing we are. You're normal." My dad then said "I told you that you could talk to the family doctor when you talked to me before. Do what you want," and the conversation was basically left at that. Has your opinions basically stayed the same?
Also, I'm still really scared of being wrong. I know that you can't give a 100% accurate diagnosis, but you know more than I do. I was wondering if you think there's a chance I could be wrong?
As I mentioned before, I always pick at anything that looks like a zit or blackhead (and it's neither most of the time), and that I often obsess over past conversations, possible conversations, or conversations that are possible, but that are very unlikely. In addition to my other symptoms, would you classify these symptoms?
Thanks for all of the help.
Daniela
Thanks for all of the replies, it really helps.
My sister doesn't want to tell my parents anything, but I tried to bring it up with them again by myself. I didn't bring any research along, just in case I'm wrong, but I think I might soon. I told them that, like my dad, I apparently sometimes move my toes and I don't notice (my sister told me that, and I know it's right, because I just saw them moving now). I told them that maybe it was something with the brain, and I'd like to get it checked out, but they just dismissed it. So, I told them that I have a lot of strange rituals, and that I'd like to get that checked out. They told me not to worry, that my dad has strange rituals also, so I asked them to give me an example. They gave me the example that he always does things in the same order every night, and he always checks things. For instance, even if he sees that the door is wide open, he has to get up and check it to be sure. Also, if someone locks a door, he has to check it for himself. I'm aware that constantly checking things is a symptom of OCD, so of course that was the first thing that came to my mind. Of course, it didn't sound like it took up too much time, but who knows, I mean I don't think he'd say anything. Anyways, I said that I'd still like to have it checked out, so my mom sarcastically said "By who? A phycologist?" So I told her that I would, but she said "No, it's not serious." So I tried to tell her about one of my symptoms, where I stretch out my fingers and swallow, then I end up coughing because I choke, and she looked at me like I was insane before I finished, so I just stopped and asked her if I could tell the family doctor, and she agreed, but sounded unenthusiastic like she didn't care, and said "He'll just tell you the same thing we are. You're normal." My dad then said "I told you that you could talk to the family doctor when you talked to me before. Do what you want," and the conversation was basically left at that. Has your opinions basically stayed the same?
Also, I'm still really scared of being wrong. I know that you can't give a 100% accurate diagnosis, but you know more than I do. I was wondering if you think there's a chance I could be wrong?
As I mentioned before, I always pick at anything that looks like a zit or blackhead (and it's neither most of the time), and that I often obsess over past conversations, possible conversations, or conversations that are possible, but that are very unlikely. In addition to my other symptoms, would you classify these symptoms?
Thanks for all of the help.
Daniela
MrsLee
11-12-2003, 08:30 PM
Hi Daniela,
Ii read your posts a couple days ago and tried to respond, but something was messed up with the website and I wasn't able to send it. I just feel compelled to respond to what you've said. I feel like we have some things in common, and I thought I'd share a little of my story with you and give you a couple suggestions.
First of all, you sound like a very bright and articulate young lady. I think it was VERY brave of you to try to talk to your parents about this problem, and I think you are even braver (more brave?) to keep trying after it didn't go very well.
I am 21 right now, and I believe I may have OCD, though I have never been diagnosed. When I was about your age, I was having a lot of problems. Looking back I can almost "diagnose" myself now that I have learned more about mental issues. I believe I have had OCD my whole life, and when I was about 11-14 I was very depressed and injured myself sometimes. I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing, but now I understand a little better.
That's why I really commend you for being proactive and trying to help your situation. I have never told anyone (well someone in person that I know) about my past except for my husband. No one ever knew I wanted to kill myself everyday, that I cut and burned myself for no reason, that I was stuck in my own mind obssessing about anything and everything. I would have NEVER told my parents. I suffered silently, and needlessly, because I was too weak of a person to do something about my situation. I guess I still am, because after getting married in June, I am no longer on my mom's insurance and can now go to the doctor whenever I want to. I just haven't gone yet. I guess since I am not cutting myself or having suicidal thoughts any more I can't justify it in my own mind. Which is really dumb, I know.
Anways, back to my point, I think you are very intelligent, and I know you can get through this. You are at a very tough age, and I think it does get better for most people. But you really do need to see a doctor. I thought of a couple suggestions for you in help communicating with your parents.
First of all, do you have another adult that you could talk to that might be able to talk to your parents with you (or for you)? Maybe a grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher? It seems a lot of times parents don't take their kids seriously (and they should!), I know mine didn't (actually they still don't). Most parents also can't accept the fact that their children aren't their definition of "perfect". Children are seen as an extension of themselves, so if their child is not perfect, it hurts their egos. Maybe this is why they are telling you "you're fine, you're normal." You are normal, but just like you'd go to the doctor if you had allergies or broke your leg, you need to go for this. Their behavior doesn't mean they don;t love you and want the best for you. They just don't understand and they may be in denial.
There is still such a stigma surrounding mental illness; many people do not have a clear understanding of it and think you can just "snap out of it". My husband is one of these people. He is a very caring person, but I don't think he understands. It's hard to explain to someone that has not experienced it what it;s like to know you're doing something strange and have no way to stop yourself, even though you hate the fact that you do it. I think that it why I still haven't gone to the doctor, I want him to understand first.
So if you had another adult talk to them, maybe your parents would "wake up" and realize they need to quit brushing the issue off. Looking back now, I should have talked to my grandma about it, she would have helped me.
Another idea (and I think someone may have already mentioned it) is to write them a letter. I sometimes have trouble expressing myself in verbal words and feel I can better explain myself in writing. Also, I am a very non-confrontational person and I get scared to talk about something like this with people. When you write it down, you don't have to worry about saying something wrong or leaving something out because you can read it many times before giving it to them. Maybe that would be a better way to get to them.
Well I just thought I'd share a little of my experience and try to give you some suggestions. At the very least, I hope it helps you realize you are not alone. I hope you'll continue to post here, because now I really want to know how you are doing.
I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers. Take care!
Ii read your posts a couple days ago and tried to respond, but something was messed up with the website and I wasn't able to send it. I just feel compelled to respond to what you've said. I feel like we have some things in common, and I thought I'd share a little of my story with you and give you a couple suggestions.
First of all, you sound like a very bright and articulate young lady. I think it was VERY brave of you to try to talk to your parents about this problem, and I think you are even braver (more brave?) to keep trying after it didn't go very well.
I am 21 right now, and I believe I may have OCD, though I have never been diagnosed. When I was about your age, I was having a lot of problems. Looking back I can almost "diagnose" myself now that I have learned more about mental issues. I believe I have had OCD my whole life, and when I was about 11-14 I was very depressed and injured myself sometimes. I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing, but now I understand a little better.
That's why I really commend you for being proactive and trying to help your situation. I have never told anyone (well someone in person that I know) about my past except for my husband. No one ever knew I wanted to kill myself everyday, that I cut and burned myself for no reason, that I was stuck in my own mind obssessing about anything and everything. I would have NEVER told my parents. I suffered silently, and needlessly, because I was too weak of a person to do something about my situation. I guess I still am, because after getting married in June, I am no longer on my mom's insurance and can now go to the doctor whenever I want to. I just haven't gone yet. I guess since I am not cutting myself or having suicidal thoughts any more I can't justify it in my own mind. Which is really dumb, I know.
Anways, back to my point, I think you are very intelligent, and I know you can get through this. You are at a very tough age, and I think it does get better for most people. But you really do need to see a doctor. I thought of a couple suggestions for you in help communicating with your parents.
First of all, do you have another adult that you could talk to that might be able to talk to your parents with you (or for you)? Maybe a grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher? It seems a lot of times parents don't take their kids seriously (and they should!), I know mine didn't (actually they still don't). Most parents also can't accept the fact that their children aren't their definition of "perfect". Children are seen as an extension of themselves, so if their child is not perfect, it hurts their egos. Maybe this is why they are telling you "you're fine, you're normal." You are normal, but just like you'd go to the doctor if you had allergies or broke your leg, you need to go for this. Their behavior doesn't mean they don;t love you and want the best for you. They just don't understand and they may be in denial.
There is still such a stigma surrounding mental illness; many people do not have a clear understanding of it and think you can just "snap out of it". My husband is one of these people. He is a very caring person, but I don't think he understands. It's hard to explain to someone that has not experienced it what it;s like to know you're doing something strange and have no way to stop yourself, even though you hate the fact that you do it. I think that it why I still haven't gone to the doctor, I want him to understand first.
So if you had another adult talk to them, maybe your parents would "wake up" and realize they need to quit brushing the issue off. Looking back now, I should have talked to my grandma about it, she would have helped me.
Another idea (and I think someone may have already mentioned it) is to write them a letter. I sometimes have trouble expressing myself in verbal words and feel I can better explain myself in writing. Also, I am a very non-confrontational person and I get scared to talk about something like this with people. When you write it down, you don't have to worry about saying something wrong or leaving something out because you can read it many times before giving it to them. Maybe that would be a better way to get to them.
Well I just thought I'd share a little of my experience and try to give you some suggestions. At the very least, I hope it helps you realize you are not alone. I hope you'll continue to post here, because now I really want to know how you are doing.
I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers. Take care!
gogocrazy
11-19-2003, 09:01 PM
Hey!
Sorry for not replying sooner. I've been pretty sick lately, so I haven't gone on my computer.
Thanks for the reply. The suggestions really help, and so does knowing that someone's gone through this at my age, and knows what I'm feeling.
Sometimes I feel very motivated to tell my parents (particularly at night when they've gone to bed) and sometimes I think I can live with this until I'm old enough to go to a doctor on my own (particularly when I first wake up). However, lately I haven't been courageous enough to bring it up again. I've been sick recently, and I didn't really perform my rituals during that time. I still picked at my face a little and thought about possible conversations (if those are symptoms, I'm still not sure), but it didn't take up nearly enough time. Then when I was feeling better, I told myself that I wouldn't perform the rituals anymore since I was better when I was sick and didn't wash my face every night because I didn't have the energy, but I couldn't. It was practically impossible for me. No matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't stop myself, I felt like I had to do them. Since I was better when I was sick, is there still a chance it could be OCD? Maybe it's because I didn't do the normal things, like washing my face thoroughly at night, I just splashed water on my face, so the rituals didn't come with it. I'm not sure.
I'm still terrified of being wrong. I don't know what everyone would think of me if I was wrong, and I have a lot of doubt in my mind. How do you think people would think of me if I was wrong, and what do you think the chances of me being wrong are? Thanks.
I've been trying to think of teachers that I could tell about this, but I couldn't really think of any. I'm so scared of being thought of as "The Kid Who Thought She Had OCD When She Didn't." I don't know why I'm so scared of this, but I really am.
I would say that the symptom causing me the most distress right now is the one where I swallow and stretch out my fingers. That accompanies most rituals, and whenever I do it, I nearly puke, and sometimes I do.
I have also started a new ritual, which actually started a few months ago, but it's causing me more discomfort now. Before I go to bed, I stand by the door and say the date and events: what's happening tomorrow, what happened today, etc. I don't say everything, just a few minor things, such as a birthday, but I always do it a few times because it doesn't feel "right" and since I will never be able to say the exact same thing, I think that I have to do it right. Is this also a symptom?
Anways, I better get going. I'll post if anything new comes up or if I think of something I forgot to post. Thanks again for the reply. I really appreciate it. Any replies to this post would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Daniela
Sorry for not replying sooner. I've been pretty sick lately, so I haven't gone on my computer.
Thanks for the reply. The suggestions really help, and so does knowing that someone's gone through this at my age, and knows what I'm feeling.
Sometimes I feel very motivated to tell my parents (particularly at night when they've gone to bed) and sometimes I think I can live with this until I'm old enough to go to a doctor on my own (particularly when I first wake up). However, lately I haven't been courageous enough to bring it up again. I've been sick recently, and I didn't really perform my rituals during that time. I still picked at my face a little and thought about possible conversations (if those are symptoms, I'm still not sure), but it didn't take up nearly enough time. Then when I was feeling better, I told myself that I wouldn't perform the rituals anymore since I was better when I was sick and didn't wash my face every night because I didn't have the energy, but I couldn't. It was practically impossible for me. No matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't stop myself, I felt like I had to do them. Since I was better when I was sick, is there still a chance it could be OCD? Maybe it's because I didn't do the normal things, like washing my face thoroughly at night, I just splashed water on my face, so the rituals didn't come with it. I'm not sure.
I'm still terrified of being wrong. I don't know what everyone would think of me if I was wrong, and I have a lot of doubt in my mind. How do you think people would think of me if I was wrong, and what do you think the chances of me being wrong are? Thanks.
I've been trying to think of teachers that I could tell about this, but I couldn't really think of any. I'm so scared of being thought of as "The Kid Who Thought She Had OCD When She Didn't." I don't know why I'm so scared of this, but I really am.
I would say that the symptom causing me the most distress right now is the one where I swallow and stretch out my fingers. That accompanies most rituals, and whenever I do it, I nearly puke, and sometimes I do.
I have also started a new ritual, which actually started a few months ago, but it's causing me more discomfort now. Before I go to bed, I stand by the door and say the date and events: what's happening tomorrow, what happened today, etc. I don't say everything, just a few minor things, such as a birthday, but I always do it a few times because it doesn't feel "right" and since I will never be able to say the exact same thing, I think that I have to do it right. Is this also a symptom?
Anways, I better get going. I'll post if anything new comes up or if I think of something I forgot to post. Thanks again for the reply. I really appreciate it. Any replies to this post would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Daniela
Arlecchina
11-20-2003, 10:27 AM
Honey, you sound like me....think of it this way, if you are obsessing over the idea you MAY have ocd, and it causes you distress, and you have a compulsion to seek reassurance, and you think of it over and over, making lists....what do you think that means?
You said your parents said you could ask your regular doctor. Go to NIMH and print out their OCD test, fill it out, add what else you want your doctor to know, and give it to him when you go.
much luck, dear, I know what you're going through. At 13 myself, I was pretty bad off but had NO idea what was wrong with me. Just thought I was crazy, thinking, I dont wash my hands a hundred times a day, which is ALL I knew about OCD. (this is all almost anyone knows, when I told my son's father recently he says, well yeah, I know you obsess and do stuff, but it's not OCD cause you dont wash your hands all the time...)
You're lucky to realize it now and try to help yourself.
You said your parents said you could ask your regular doctor. Go to NIMH and print out their OCD test, fill it out, add what else you want your doctor to know, and give it to him when you go.
much luck, dear, I know what you're going through. At 13 myself, I was pretty bad off but had NO idea what was wrong with me. Just thought I was crazy, thinking, I dont wash my hands a hundred times a day, which is ALL I knew about OCD. (this is all almost anyone knows, when I told my son's father recently he says, well yeah, I know you obsess and do stuff, but it's not OCD cause you dont wash your hands all the time...)
You're lucky to realize it now and try to help yourself.
MrsLee
11-21-2003, 01:27 PM
HI Daniela,
I understand that you are afraid you may be wrong about having OCD, and how you would feel if everyone knew you thought you had it and were wrong. But obviously, you are experiencing a lot of distress over this. Even if you don't have OCD, you have been smart enough to realize SOMETHING is wrong. And whatever it is, you need to get some help in figuring out what to do about it. Also, even if you were "wrong," everyone wouldn't know. Only your parents, or anyone else you choose to tell. Even if you did talk to a teacher, you don't have to tell him/her what your diagnosis is. That's personal business.
Have you considered writing a letter? As I said before, you are very articulate and seem to be able to express yourself with words very well.
Also, maybe you could try talking to just one of your parents, instead of both at the same time. Pick whichever one you are most comfortable with, and try to initiate the conversation sometime when they don't have a lot of other things on their mind. If you try to do it once they've gotten home from work, they are probably too busy thinking about work that day to give you their full attention. And if you try and talk to them before they go to bed, they are probably very tired and just want to get to sleep. Could you catch your mom or dad on weekend. Maybe go out to lunch or shopping with one of them. In a situation like this, they may be more willing to listen.
I hope this helps. Good luck sweety!
I understand that you are afraid you may be wrong about having OCD, and how you would feel if everyone knew you thought you had it and were wrong. But obviously, you are experiencing a lot of distress over this. Even if you don't have OCD, you have been smart enough to realize SOMETHING is wrong. And whatever it is, you need to get some help in figuring out what to do about it. Also, even if you were "wrong," everyone wouldn't know. Only your parents, or anyone else you choose to tell. Even if you did talk to a teacher, you don't have to tell him/her what your diagnosis is. That's personal business.
Have you considered writing a letter? As I said before, you are very articulate and seem to be able to express yourself with words very well.
Also, maybe you could try talking to just one of your parents, instead of both at the same time. Pick whichever one you are most comfortable with, and try to initiate the conversation sometime when they don't have a lot of other things on their mind. If you try to do it once they've gotten home from work, they are probably too busy thinking about work that day to give you their full attention. And if you try and talk to them before they go to bed, they are probably very tired and just want to get to sleep. Could you catch your mom or dad on weekend. Maybe go out to lunch or shopping with one of them. In a situation like this, they may be more willing to listen.
I hope this helps. Good luck sweety!
gogocrazy
12-04-2003, 09:03 PM
Hey!
Thanks for the replies. They have helped a lot, as usual.
Lately I've found my "OCD" (in quotations because I haven't been diagnosed, so I may be wrong) is getting worse. I still think about washing my face, brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, etc. in the same order, but remember how I said I was swallowing and stretching out my fingers to make it feel "right"? I've been doing that a lot more lately, and it's really bothering me. It doesn't feel "right" unless I stimulate my gag reflex (occasionally I puke), and I always cough a lot. I have to do this while I'm reading (I still read one sentence over and over again that I understand perfectly, then go to the previous paragraph, and reading takes me forever), before I go through the bathroom door at night (I stand in front of the door, say the date, say any birthdays, and say how my friendships are). I always end up doing this a number of times, and I always have to stimulate my gag reflex. In my L.A. class I'm currently watching a video of a play that Shakespeare wrote, and at the beginning of the movie when I hear a word (it isn't a particular word, first class it was Orisino, second class it was parenthood, and today it was minks) I have to "type" it the whole class (where a keyboard would be if it was in front of my fingers). First I do it 5 times, then another 5 times, and this goes on for an hour, and I can't stop. It's really causing me a lot of distress.
I was wondering, before when I would ask myself why I do these rituals, I would say in case a burglar comes. However, now I say "If I don't do it, I don't have OCD." It's not that I want OCD, it's just that I'm terrified of being wrong (as I previously mentioned). Since my obsession isn't about burgulary, fire, flood, or anything of that sort, could it still be classified as an OCD obsession that would drive me to perform these rituals?
I think that I finally have enough courage to tell somebody. Well, I've told my close friend, and she really takes me seriously and she told me that I had to see somebody. I had another appointment today and I was thinking of telling the doctor there, but she was a specialist for teenagers so she wouldn't know much and my parents would probably get mad for not telling my family doctor or telling them straight on first. Instead, I mentioned it to my mom that I wanted to see the family doctor to find out if what I do is normal again, but she just laughed it off. I've decided that next time the doctor comes over (he comes to our house, so that would make it even easier to show him the NIMH screening test) I'm going to try to talk to him. If I'm right, then I'll hopefully get help. If I'm wrong, I'll have a lot of mixed feelings, but I've gained an immense amount of respect for people who have OCD. Besides, I really think that something is wrong, and it's definitely really bothering me. If that doesn't work (if he doesn't listen, or if my parents tell me to stop wasting his time), I'm probably going to tell my homeroom teacher. She asks me if I want to talk every Thursday because she's supposed to talk to me about how I like my class (the school split me up from all of my friends this year, so I've made one friend in my class, but the other girls give me the impression that they think they're better than me, and with 12 kids in a class it's hard to have many options) so I could easily tell her then. Also, if I don't feel comfortable telling my homeroom teacher or another one, I'm going to try to make an appointment with a doctor in the mall if I don't need parental consent (my friend recommended this and she said that she'd go with me). If I can't, I can always talk to one of my friends' parents who are doctors (this friend's mom is a doctor and both of my best friend's parents are). Thanks for all of the support. I'm going to really try to follow through with what I've said here.
Basically, I guess the point of this was to ask you if always stimulating your gag reflex by swallowing too much could be classified a compulsion? Also, could constantly "typing" out words over and over again? Could "If I don't do this, I don't have OCD" be a cause for OCD compulsions (if I think really hard and try to stop, the burglar issue comes up again and I can't stop doing these rituals, but that's the main reason when I think "I'm not going to do this")? I also wanted to thank all of you for your support. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have told any of my friends or consider telling my family doctor. I really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for the replies. They have helped a lot, as usual.
Lately I've found my "OCD" (in quotations because I haven't been diagnosed, so I may be wrong) is getting worse. I still think about washing my face, brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, etc. in the same order, but remember how I said I was swallowing and stretching out my fingers to make it feel "right"? I've been doing that a lot more lately, and it's really bothering me. It doesn't feel "right" unless I stimulate my gag reflex (occasionally I puke), and I always cough a lot. I have to do this while I'm reading (I still read one sentence over and over again that I understand perfectly, then go to the previous paragraph, and reading takes me forever), before I go through the bathroom door at night (I stand in front of the door, say the date, say any birthdays, and say how my friendships are). I always end up doing this a number of times, and I always have to stimulate my gag reflex. In my L.A. class I'm currently watching a video of a play that Shakespeare wrote, and at the beginning of the movie when I hear a word (it isn't a particular word, first class it was Orisino, second class it was parenthood, and today it was minks) I have to "type" it the whole class (where a keyboard would be if it was in front of my fingers). First I do it 5 times, then another 5 times, and this goes on for an hour, and I can't stop. It's really causing me a lot of distress.
I was wondering, before when I would ask myself why I do these rituals, I would say in case a burglar comes. However, now I say "If I don't do it, I don't have OCD." It's not that I want OCD, it's just that I'm terrified of being wrong (as I previously mentioned). Since my obsession isn't about burgulary, fire, flood, or anything of that sort, could it still be classified as an OCD obsession that would drive me to perform these rituals?
I think that I finally have enough courage to tell somebody. Well, I've told my close friend, and she really takes me seriously and she told me that I had to see somebody. I had another appointment today and I was thinking of telling the doctor there, but she was a specialist for teenagers so she wouldn't know much and my parents would probably get mad for not telling my family doctor or telling them straight on first. Instead, I mentioned it to my mom that I wanted to see the family doctor to find out if what I do is normal again, but she just laughed it off. I've decided that next time the doctor comes over (he comes to our house, so that would make it even easier to show him the NIMH screening test) I'm going to try to talk to him. If I'm right, then I'll hopefully get help. If I'm wrong, I'll have a lot of mixed feelings, but I've gained an immense amount of respect for people who have OCD. Besides, I really think that something is wrong, and it's definitely really bothering me. If that doesn't work (if he doesn't listen, or if my parents tell me to stop wasting his time), I'm probably going to tell my homeroom teacher. She asks me if I want to talk every Thursday because she's supposed to talk to me about how I like my class (the school split me up from all of my friends this year, so I've made one friend in my class, but the other girls give me the impression that they think they're better than me, and with 12 kids in a class it's hard to have many options) so I could easily tell her then. Also, if I don't feel comfortable telling my homeroom teacher or another one, I'm going to try to make an appointment with a doctor in the mall if I don't need parental consent (my friend recommended this and she said that she'd go with me). If I can't, I can always talk to one of my friends' parents who are doctors (this friend's mom is a doctor and both of my best friend's parents are). Thanks for all of the support. I'm going to really try to follow through with what I've said here.
Basically, I guess the point of this was to ask you if always stimulating your gag reflex by swallowing too much could be classified a compulsion? Also, could constantly "typing" out words over and over again? Could "If I don't do this, I don't have OCD" be a cause for OCD compulsions (if I think really hard and try to stop, the burglar issue comes up again and I can't stop doing these rituals, but that's the main reason when I think "I'm not going to do this")? I also wanted to thank all of you for your support. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have told any of my friends or consider telling my family doctor. I really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
12-04-2003, 10:03 PM
Yes to all you questions. It seems so obvious to me that you do have OCD. Every person with OCD is unique in how it is displayed. I have a sister that can not tell a lie. I have a niece that has a problem with compulsive lying. They both have OCD. Congratulations for having the stamina to pursue treatment despite the road blocks. Best of luck to you and keep us posted. Terry
gogocrazy
12-06-2003, 09:13 PM
Hey!
Thanks for the reply.
My family doctor hasn't come over yet, but I've been looking around the internet to see if I can find anything that would be useful to give him. I had heard of the symptoms like obsessive religious thoughts, but I had never thought much of them. I noticed that I might have shown symptoms in that form a year or two ago. I would read my Bible every day, I would pray a lot and I would say "God bless" at the end of every e-mail and conversation. I thought that if I didn't, I would go to hell. I also remember, about four years ago, I went to my cabin. My backyard at my cabin is forest, and I remember spending a few hours a day trying to get the forest floor "stick free." Not the whole forest floor, but a little area near where the deck ends and the forest starts. I also remember continually cleaning a few hours a day about 2-3 years ago, cleaning ever room in the house, and I couldn't stand a mess. Another thing is that two years ago, I would always wash my hands after I touched my dog (my dog doesn't shed either, so it's not because I had dog hair on my hands or anything). Of course, none of these things seemed weird to me. All of these routines were obvious to my parents though. Could all of these be classified symptoms?
Another thing I was wondering because if the answer is no (I think it is, but I just want to be sure), maybe it could help me if I choke up when I'm telling the doctor about my symptoms, even though I'm sure I'm telling him, is it possible to completely recover from OCD with cognitive behavioral therapy and medication? What about without?
Anyways, I better go, thanks again!
Thanks,
Daniela
P.S. I've also started touching all of my drawers in my room before I go to sleep. This is also classified a symptom, right?
Thanks for the reply.
My family doctor hasn't come over yet, but I've been looking around the internet to see if I can find anything that would be useful to give him. I had heard of the symptoms like obsessive religious thoughts, but I had never thought much of them. I noticed that I might have shown symptoms in that form a year or two ago. I would read my Bible every day, I would pray a lot and I would say "God bless" at the end of every e-mail and conversation. I thought that if I didn't, I would go to hell. I also remember, about four years ago, I went to my cabin. My backyard at my cabin is forest, and I remember spending a few hours a day trying to get the forest floor "stick free." Not the whole forest floor, but a little area near where the deck ends and the forest starts. I also remember continually cleaning a few hours a day about 2-3 years ago, cleaning ever room in the house, and I couldn't stand a mess. Another thing is that two years ago, I would always wash my hands after I touched my dog (my dog doesn't shed either, so it's not because I had dog hair on my hands or anything). Of course, none of these things seemed weird to me. All of these routines were obvious to my parents though. Could all of these be classified symptoms?
Another thing I was wondering because if the answer is no (I think it is, but I just want to be sure), maybe it could help me if I choke up when I'm telling the doctor about my symptoms, even though I'm sure I'm telling him, is it possible to completely recover from OCD with cognitive behavioral therapy and medication? What about without?
Anyways, I better go, thanks again!
Thanks,
Daniela
P.S. I've also started touching all of my drawers in my room before I go to sleep. This is also classified a symptom, right?
TerryB
12-06-2003, 10:47 PM
Daniela,
OCD can manifest itself in many "creative" ways. Sometimes I can't tell if a quirky trait of my 4 year old is OCD or not. Sometimes it just doesn't matter if if does not interfere with your life. If something is "off" in my daughter's life and I'm not sure what is causing it then I talk with the OCD doctor. OCD is tricky. My daughter was running to the bathroom a lot and we thought she had a urinary tract infection. We ever had her urine tested. The OCD doc informed us that it was OCD and after using cognitive behavioral therapy "on it" it went away. So, I guess she was right. I have never seen compulsive toilet habits discussed on this board but sure enough this was OCD. I think that after you start seeing someone about this it will become clearer.
OCD waxes and wanes generally but is not cured totally. You just have to know how to recognize it and beat it down when it surfaces. You can lead a normal life generally especially if you start to treat it when you are young. If you are not sure if some of your quirky behaviors are OCD then you may want to think about how much of your time they are taking up (mentally or physically) and this will let you know if you need to "deal" with it. Some OCD behaviors are just embarassing so you might want to curb them. My sister eats in twos and no one notices and she is not motivated to do anything about it. If you give her one cookie she will break it in half without drawing attention to herself.
This board is great but can't replace a good OCD specialist. I don't mind trying to help at all but keep in mind that I am not qualified to be a psychologist. Make sure that any advice that you get here from me or anyone else agrees with the bulk of all your research. With all that I do know I still find the OCD specialist invaluable. My daughter sees her about every 2 months. I also understand your desperation to find answers so please keep posting but don't give up on your dream of seeing a psychologist.
Best of luck to you Daniela. I sense that you will be able to deal with this. Keep us posted. I do care. Terry
OCD can manifest itself in many "creative" ways. Sometimes I can't tell if a quirky trait of my 4 year old is OCD or not. Sometimes it just doesn't matter if if does not interfere with your life. If something is "off" in my daughter's life and I'm not sure what is causing it then I talk with the OCD doctor. OCD is tricky. My daughter was running to the bathroom a lot and we thought she had a urinary tract infection. We ever had her urine tested. The OCD doc informed us that it was OCD and after using cognitive behavioral therapy "on it" it went away. So, I guess she was right. I have never seen compulsive toilet habits discussed on this board but sure enough this was OCD. I think that after you start seeing someone about this it will become clearer.
OCD waxes and wanes generally but is not cured totally. You just have to know how to recognize it and beat it down when it surfaces. You can lead a normal life generally especially if you start to treat it when you are young. If you are not sure if some of your quirky behaviors are OCD then you may want to think about how much of your time they are taking up (mentally or physically) and this will let you know if you need to "deal" with it. Some OCD behaviors are just embarassing so you might want to curb them. My sister eats in twos and no one notices and she is not motivated to do anything about it. If you give her one cookie she will break it in half without drawing attention to herself.
This board is great but can't replace a good OCD specialist. I don't mind trying to help at all but keep in mind that I am not qualified to be a psychologist. Make sure that any advice that you get here from me or anyone else agrees with the bulk of all your research. With all that I do know I still find the OCD specialist invaluable. My daughter sees her about every 2 months. I also understand your desperation to find answers so please keep posting but don't give up on your dream of seeing a psychologist.
Best of luck to you Daniela. I sense that you will be able to deal with this. Keep us posted. I do care. Terry
MrsLee
12-09-2003, 12:00 AM
Daniela,
I am happy to see you have posted again, I was wondering how you were doing. I am no expert, but it sounds as if you have OCD. I know your intentions are to tell someone about it, and I sincerely hope you follow through. I think you will feel a lot better it you get some help. Take care sweety! Good luck!
I am happy to see you have posted again, I was wondering how you were doing. I am no expert, but it sounds as if you have OCD. I know your intentions are to tell someone about it, and I sincerely hope you follow through. I think you will feel a lot better it you get some help. Take care sweety! Good luck!
gogocrazy
12-13-2003, 04:31 PM
Hi! Thanks again for replying.
I've been pretty confused lately. I've been trying to stop my rituals and it's not working too well. When I tell myself "If you don't do this, you won't have OCD" I just try to tell myself that if I don't have OCD and I know it, I won't be wrong about anything because I wouldn't have gotten help yet. Now, however, I tell myself "If something happens to someone, it'll be your fault." I think that if I don't perform my rituals, it'll be my fault if something happens to someone I love, and sometimes I think thatthat something will actually happen. I'm not sure if this is because I have OCD, or if I've read about it and tricked myself into believing I have it, but I can't stop.
I told my best friend about this about a week ago. I never thought I would be able to tell her, but she has been very supportive without judging me. She found that to go to a walk-in clinic, I don't need parental consent, and she decided that we should go this weekend. Initially, I was thrilled and I couldn't stop smiling. I started bawling my eyes out I was so happy, I couldn't believe that I was finally going to get help. After about an hour, however, I couldn't stop crying because I was so confused. I would think about having to do my rituals, and I would try to stop, but I couldn't and I kept on crying. My friend's out of town now, and I'm so confused. I know I should go, but I can't stop worrying about whether I'm wrong. My friend gets back today, but I don't think I can go tomorrow. Hopefully I'll go soon, but I'm still very scared.
My "OCD" seems to be getting worse. I'm not sure if it's because I've been feeling stressed lately, or if it just is and I'm worrying myself into doing these compulsions. My "typing" compulsion is becoming much more frequent. First I have to do it 5 times, but it never "feels right," so I do it another 5 times, but an even number isn't good, so I have to do it another 5 times, and I can't stop or "I'll be at fault if something happens." Dispite my effort to stop my swallowing compulsion, I still do it, and I think more often than before. It's taking me longer to read because I often have to re-read sentences or paragraphs. I'm picking up new compulsions without dropping any of my old ones. For instance, I touchevery drawer in my room before I go to bed, and if I don't do it properly, I start again. I'm beginning to take a lot longer to draw a graph, because it has to be "perfect." I'm so confused, and as I write this I know that I probably have OCD but I get so scared. Also, I know right now that there's no point to my compulsions, but once I feel like I have to do them, I can't help it.
I know I should get help and I'm hoping I'll be able to go next weekend. Would you guys recommend going alone or going with a friend? Or do you think I shoudl wait for the family doctor like I was planning to do, or try telling my parents again? If you think I should go, are there any specific things you think I should mention or not mention? If they think I should get more help, do they have the power to make me get more help or tell my parents? Thanks, I really appreciate all of the help. I know I wouldn't be where I am and nobody would know if it wasn't for this board.
Thanks,
Daniela
I've been pretty confused lately. I've been trying to stop my rituals and it's not working too well. When I tell myself "If you don't do this, you won't have OCD" I just try to tell myself that if I don't have OCD and I know it, I won't be wrong about anything because I wouldn't have gotten help yet. Now, however, I tell myself "If something happens to someone, it'll be your fault." I think that if I don't perform my rituals, it'll be my fault if something happens to someone I love, and sometimes I think thatthat something will actually happen. I'm not sure if this is because I have OCD, or if I've read about it and tricked myself into believing I have it, but I can't stop.
I told my best friend about this about a week ago. I never thought I would be able to tell her, but she has been very supportive without judging me. She found that to go to a walk-in clinic, I don't need parental consent, and she decided that we should go this weekend. Initially, I was thrilled and I couldn't stop smiling. I started bawling my eyes out I was so happy, I couldn't believe that I was finally going to get help. After about an hour, however, I couldn't stop crying because I was so confused. I would think about having to do my rituals, and I would try to stop, but I couldn't and I kept on crying. My friend's out of town now, and I'm so confused. I know I should go, but I can't stop worrying about whether I'm wrong. My friend gets back today, but I don't think I can go tomorrow. Hopefully I'll go soon, but I'm still very scared.
My "OCD" seems to be getting worse. I'm not sure if it's because I've been feeling stressed lately, or if it just is and I'm worrying myself into doing these compulsions. My "typing" compulsion is becoming much more frequent. First I have to do it 5 times, but it never "feels right," so I do it another 5 times, but an even number isn't good, so I have to do it another 5 times, and I can't stop or "I'll be at fault if something happens." Dispite my effort to stop my swallowing compulsion, I still do it, and I think more often than before. It's taking me longer to read because I often have to re-read sentences or paragraphs. I'm picking up new compulsions without dropping any of my old ones. For instance, I touchevery drawer in my room before I go to bed, and if I don't do it properly, I start again. I'm beginning to take a lot longer to draw a graph, because it has to be "perfect." I'm so confused, and as I write this I know that I probably have OCD but I get so scared. Also, I know right now that there's no point to my compulsions, but once I feel like I have to do them, I can't help it.
I know I should get help and I'm hoping I'll be able to go next weekend. Would you guys recommend going alone or going with a friend? Or do you think I shoudl wait for the family doctor like I was planning to do, or try telling my parents again? If you think I should go, are there any specific things you think I should mention or not mention? If they think I should get more help, do they have the power to make me get more help or tell my parents? Thanks, I really appreciate all of the help. I know I wouldn't be where I am and nobody would know if it wasn't for this board.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
12-13-2003, 07:02 PM
Go, tell, the first opportunity you have. You will get some control back. Terry
Sanguine
12-18-2003, 03:32 AM
Daniela,
Please go to the doctor ASAP, either with or without your parents. You will feel tons better once you get this officially diagnosed. It sounds like your parents may be in denial, and as a result, you seem to be as well. However, I can tell you unequivocably, without a doubt, based on everything you've said, that you have OCD in some form. Take the next step and get yourself help. You are a bright girl with a bright future -- don't let this condition take any more away from your life. If your parents are unwilling to take this seriously, then you need to do this yourself. That's very unfortunate, but sometimes people (like your parents) need a wake up call.
I hope everything works out. Keep us posted...
Please go to the doctor ASAP, either with or without your parents. You will feel tons better once you get this officially diagnosed. It sounds like your parents may be in denial, and as a result, you seem to be as well. However, I can tell you unequivocably, without a doubt, based on everything you've said, that you have OCD in some form. Take the next step and get yourself help. You are a bright girl with a bright future -- don't let this condition take any more away from your life. If your parents are unwilling to take this seriously, then you need to do this yourself. That's very unfortunate, but sometimes people (like your parents) need a wake up call.
I hope everything works out. Keep us posted...
MrsLee
12-18-2003, 03:21 PM
Daniela, please go to the doctor as soon as you can. If doesn't really matter if you go with someone or not, whichever you are most comfortable with. If I were you I wouldn't wait for the family doctor. PLease keep us updated, and take care.
gogocrazy
12-21-2003, 02:47 AM
Hi again.
Thanks for all of the replies.
I've been so confused lately. I don't know. I know that I have to go to a doctor ASAP, but I feel so alone. I feel like no one knows what I'm going through and they don't care either. I told one of my closest friends and we don't even talk anymore. I guess I just thought she would care. I can't go to the doctor alone. I'll get too scared, I don't know what to do, I'm just so confused. However, I feel like I have no one to go with. I don't know.
I'm not sure, but I think there's a possibility that I might be suffering from secondary depression (in this case, as a result from OCD). Sometimes all I can do is cry, and I can't stop. I try to stop, but I just can't. I end up crying for such a long time. I can't help but think that I don't have any potential in life, that no one cares, and I think about how easy it would be to just go downstairs and overdose on some drug. I've tried telling my friends, but they don't seem to care. They seem like they wouldn't care if I died, and I don't know if I actually would kill myself, but it took all of my energy to stay upstairs and not go downstairs. I don't know what I'd do if I did go downstairs, if I'd get too scared, actually I probably would get too scared and not do anything, but I don't think that's normal.
Lately, I've started worrying more about how clean I am. I won't touch anything, and even yesterday I wouldn't touch the soap because I thought it was disgusting. I just couldn't. I told myself that it was okay, that the soap wasn't dirty, but I just couldn't touch it. Whenever I see dirt, I can't touch it either. I don't know if this could possibly be the beginning of a fear of germs, but I never really had a big concern with any of this before. Also, I'm starting to worry about acting inappropriately in public. Yesterday I was at my friend's concert, and I spent the whole time thinking "What if I do this? What if I don't notice I'm doing it, what if I can't control myself? What would people think of me? Would anyone talk to me every again?" and so on. I now realize that I wouldn't have done anything inappropriate, but whenever I'm in public I think I might. Sometimes if I'm thinking about something, like "My friend doesn't care about me, she's emotionally involved in this situation" (the situation where I'm losing a good friend of mine), then I think "I have to tell her. If I don't, I'm being dishonest." I don't know if this is just becuase I've read up on OCD though, I'm just so confused.
Sorry for this post. I know it sounds useless and there's no point to it, but I had to get this out. I feel so hopeless, and this is the only place people understand and care. Does anyone maybe have any advice? Thanks so much.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for all of the replies.
I've been so confused lately. I don't know. I know that I have to go to a doctor ASAP, but I feel so alone. I feel like no one knows what I'm going through and they don't care either. I told one of my closest friends and we don't even talk anymore. I guess I just thought she would care. I can't go to the doctor alone. I'll get too scared, I don't know what to do, I'm just so confused. However, I feel like I have no one to go with. I don't know.
I'm not sure, but I think there's a possibility that I might be suffering from secondary depression (in this case, as a result from OCD). Sometimes all I can do is cry, and I can't stop. I try to stop, but I just can't. I end up crying for such a long time. I can't help but think that I don't have any potential in life, that no one cares, and I think about how easy it would be to just go downstairs and overdose on some drug. I've tried telling my friends, but they don't seem to care. They seem like they wouldn't care if I died, and I don't know if I actually would kill myself, but it took all of my energy to stay upstairs and not go downstairs. I don't know what I'd do if I did go downstairs, if I'd get too scared, actually I probably would get too scared and not do anything, but I don't think that's normal.
Lately, I've started worrying more about how clean I am. I won't touch anything, and even yesterday I wouldn't touch the soap because I thought it was disgusting. I just couldn't. I told myself that it was okay, that the soap wasn't dirty, but I just couldn't touch it. Whenever I see dirt, I can't touch it either. I don't know if this could possibly be the beginning of a fear of germs, but I never really had a big concern with any of this before. Also, I'm starting to worry about acting inappropriately in public. Yesterday I was at my friend's concert, and I spent the whole time thinking "What if I do this? What if I don't notice I'm doing it, what if I can't control myself? What would people think of me? Would anyone talk to me every again?" and so on. I now realize that I wouldn't have done anything inappropriate, but whenever I'm in public I think I might. Sometimes if I'm thinking about something, like "My friend doesn't care about me, she's emotionally involved in this situation" (the situation where I'm losing a good friend of mine), then I think "I have to tell her. If I don't, I'm being dishonest." I don't know if this is just becuase I've read up on OCD though, I'm just so confused.
Sorry for this post. I know it sounds useless and there's no point to it, but I had to get this out. I feel so hopeless, and this is the only place people understand and care. Does anyone maybe have any advice? Thanks so much.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
12-21-2003, 09:06 AM
Oh Daniella, here's a nice hug: ((((((Daniellla)))))))
At school tomorrow can you walk straight done to your guidance counselor? Suicidal kids are taken very seriously by the school system.
Terry
At school tomorrow can you walk straight done to your guidance counselor? Suicidal kids are taken very seriously by the school system.
Terry
Just a boy..
12-21-2003, 07:08 PM
Hi Daniella,
Please please please take the advice many others have given you in this thread, it's solid stuff from people who's been there.
I'm also only a kid - 16 - but when I felt I couldn't tell my parents about the stuff I was doing (and hiding very successfully) I told a good friend of mine one night and she helped me book an appointment with my GP and even went with me there for some support. I owe so much to her for getting the ball rolling, and even though I've only been to my doc once and didn't even get the time to tell him everything that was on my mind, I've got another appointment tomorrow that I'm far less nervous for.
I've been put on a waiting list for some sort of counsellor/psych (!) and I'm feeling much more positive about things now. I used to be suicidal and very close to the edge, but I realise now I have so much to live for - even if just to beat this illness, be it OCD or whatever - I've not been officially diagnosed yet but reading some of these threads and doing some research... wow, some of it sounds like my biography.
I too suffer from the 'inappropriate behaviour' thing. Most of the time I just get home from school or going out and I suddenly start to think about what I did or said. Then I get this horrible feeling like I've done something totally inappropriate or just plain embarrassing but I can't remember... other times I could be out an about and just start to think 'what if I did this right now, how would people react'.. I usually get pictures when I think that last thought and it's usually sexual :confused:, which is so twisted and wierd I'm not sure I can bring myself to tell my GP that but we'll see.
I've gone on a bit, and I'm not sure if you'r in the US or not but it sounds like you are so I don't know how your health system works or anything - I don't think it's free though is it? I really do hope you find a way to talk to a professional about this because since I got help I've felt like I can finally begin trying to achieve my dreams again. :)!
Please please please take the advice many others have given you in this thread, it's solid stuff from people who's been there.
I'm also only a kid - 16 - but when I felt I couldn't tell my parents about the stuff I was doing (and hiding very successfully) I told a good friend of mine one night and she helped me book an appointment with my GP and even went with me there for some support. I owe so much to her for getting the ball rolling, and even though I've only been to my doc once and didn't even get the time to tell him everything that was on my mind, I've got another appointment tomorrow that I'm far less nervous for.
I've been put on a waiting list for some sort of counsellor/psych (!) and I'm feeling much more positive about things now. I used to be suicidal and very close to the edge, but I realise now I have so much to live for - even if just to beat this illness, be it OCD or whatever - I've not been officially diagnosed yet but reading some of these threads and doing some research... wow, some of it sounds like my biography.
I too suffer from the 'inappropriate behaviour' thing. Most of the time I just get home from school or going out and I suddenly start to think about what I did or said. Then I get this horrible feeling like I've done something totally inappropriate or just plain embarrassing but I can't remember... other times I could be out an about and just start to think 'what if I did this right now, how would people react'.. I usually get pictures when I think that last thought and it's usually sexual :confused:, which is so twisted and wierd I'm not sure I can bring myself to tell my GP that but we'll see.
I've gone on a bit, and I'm not sure if you'r in the US or not but it sounds like you are so I don't know how your health system works or anything - I don't think it's free though is it? I really do hope you find a way to talk to a professional about this because since I got help I've felt like I can finally begin trying to achieve my dreams again. :)!
gogocrazy
12-25-2003, 08:11 PM
Hey!
I can't talk to my school counsellor, my Christmas break started last Friday and I still have over another week. When I get back, if I still feel like I have nothing to live for, I'll talk to my homeroom teacher.
My mood is changing so much. The past few days have been pretty good. Even this morning I was fine, and I didn't think I could ever kill myself. Then all of a sudden I started feeling like I have nothing to live for, and how easy it would be to kill myself. Maybe it's just a bad day. I don't know.
The other day I was talking to my mom and my sister was there, and my mom said something about having to throw more stuff out that I wouldn't use it. I can't, so I said "Well what if I need it for something? I just can't throw anything out" and then my sister said "I really think she should go to a psychologist or something." My mom said "Why? There's no need?" so my sister said "She's like obsessive compulsive," and I was like "Please? I mean just to be safe," and she said "You're fine," and laughed (I don't think she thinks I'm serious) and it pretty much ended at that. Oh well. I'm planning to go to a walk-in clinic (I live in Canada, so health care is free) with a friend, as soon as I feel like one really cares. Like I know any of my close friends would go with me, but I don't know if they really care and would really be there for me and since this is such a big deal to me, I don't want them to just leave me once they get bored. Maybe they wouldn't, but I just want to be sure.
Sometimes everything just seems so unreal to me. I don't believe that I have a mental disorder. When I'm not faced with a ritual, I wonder how I can't do things without doing a ritual or how I can't stop myself thinking certain things that are so unrealistic, and I tell myself that I won't do it anymore. However, it never works because once I'm in an environment where I would perform my ritual, it seem so real. I think this is causing me to be in denial, even though I do the same screening test many times and I'm always thinking about my OCD. At first I just wanted a second opinion, but now new issues arise like not wanting to be wrong. Everything seems so hopeless, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get help, but I'm the one holding myself back, no one else is. Oh well, hopefully I get enough courage soon enough.
Anyways, I better go. Thanks again for the replies. Happy Holidays!
Thanks,
Daniela
I can't talk to my school counsellor, my Christmas break started last Friday and I still have over another week. When I get back, if I still feel like I have nothing to live for, I'll talk to my homeroom teacher.
My mood is changing so much. The past few days have been pretty good. Even this morning I was fine, and I didn't think I could ever kill myself. Then all of a sudden I started feeling like I have nothing to live for, and how easy it would be to kill myself. Maybe it's just a bad day. I don't know.
The other day I was talking to my mom and my sister was there, and my mom said something about having to throw more stuff out that I wouldn't use it. I can't, so I said "Well what if I need it for something? I just can't throw anything out" and then my sister said "I really think she should go to a psychologist or something." My mom said "Why? There's no need?" so my sister said "She's like obsessive compulsive," and I was like "Please? I mean just to be safe," and she said "You're fine," and laughed (I don't think she thinks I'm serious) and it pretty much ended at that. Oh well. I'm planning to go to a walk-in clinic (I live in Canada, so health care is free) with a friend, as soon as I feel like one really cares. Like I know any of my close friends would go with me, but I don't know if they really care and would really be there for me and since this is such a big deal to me, I don't want them to just leave me once they get bored. Maybe they wouldn't, but I just want to be sure.
Sometimes everything just seems so unreal to me. I don't believe that I have a mental disorder. When I'm not faced with a ritual, I wonder how I can't do things without doing a ritual or how I can't stop myself thinking certain things that are so unrealistic, and I tell myself that I won't do it anymore. However, it never works because once I'm in an environment where I would perform my ritual, it seem so real. I think this is causing me to be in denial, even though I do the same screening test many times and I'm always thinking about my OCD. At first I just wanted a second opinion, but now new issues arise like not wanting to be wrong. Everything seems so hopeless, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get help, but I'm the one holding myself back, no one else is. Oh well, hopefully I get enough courage soon enough.
Anyways, I better go. Thanks again for the replies. Happy Holidays!
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
12-25-2003, 11:31 PM
Can your sister go with you to the walk-in clinic? My sister is my best friend I think. Terry
MrsLee
12-26-2003, 01:49 PM
Daniela--please get yourself to the doctor. I know it would be easier if someone went with you, but if you can't ask someone then please go by yourself. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do something we don't want to do.
I see so much of myself in you that it breaks my heart. Sometimes I wonder how I made it through the years I spent suffering, but I did, and I am so happy that I did. I know it seems hopeless right now, but I promise you that life will get better at some point in the future. Right now there are plenty of things in my life that are not good, but there are also so many that are good. If I would have ended my life when it was really bad I would have missed out on so much. You are young and have so much ahead of you. I know it's so hard to see it right now but I promise you if you hang in there and get the help you need things will get better. You are a brilliant girl and have so much potential. You are at a roadblock right now, and all you need is a little help getting through it. Even if you can't see a great future right now, I can see one for you!
So again, please please PLEASE go to the doctor, no matter if it's with or without a friend. You need to get through this rough spot in your life so you can be happy and get the most out of life. Take care sweety and God bless!
I see so much of myself in you that it breaks my heart. Sometimes I wonder how I made it through the years I spent suffering, but I did, and I am so happy that I did. I know it seems hopeless right now, but I promise you that life will get better at some point in the future. Right now there are plenty of things in my life that are not good, but there are also so many that are good. If I would have ended my life when it was really bad I would have missed out on so much. You are young and have so much ahead of you. I know it's so hard to see it right now but I promise you if you hang in there and get the help you need things will get better. You are a brilliant girl and have so much potential. You are at a roadblock right now, and all you need is a little help getting through it. Even if you can't see a great future right now, I can see one for you!
So again, please please PLEASE go to the doctor, no matter if it's with or without a friend. You need to get through this rough spot in your life so you can be happy and get the most out of life. Take care sweety and God bless!
gogocrazy
01-01-2004, 04:28 AM
Hey!
Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I was at my cabin.
I've been having huge mood swings lately. Most of the time, however, I think that I have nothing to live for. While I was at my cabin without internet access, I realized how much I really do depend on my friends. I kept on thinking to call someone up or to go online to see if any of them are on, but I don't know if that's good. It seems that in a lot of Junior High schools, mine included, everyone's trying to find out who they are. I have great friends, but I don't know which ones I can really depend on right now since I'm so vunerable and I don't consider myself nearly strong enough to deal with this, but I'm going to get through it. I wonder why I'm doubting so much and thinking about conversations and people's motives when they ask me a question. I mean I always have, but never to this extent.
Like I said, I've been having mood swings lately. In fact, just an hour ago, I was feeling depressed again. I decided to come here because I know that you guys are so supportive, but reading the recent posts again really raised my spirits (thanks TerryB and MrsLee especially in this last post) and I'm in a much better mood now, I can't even stop smiling. In the past few days though, I haven't been able to stop thinking about killing myself, the thoughts aren't going away. I think it would be so much easier and I know that it'd be cowardly of me to kill myself, but I get to the point that I don't care. I sent a friend (that I know I can definitely count on no matter what) and e-mail about an hour ago, and I'm definitely planning to go to the doctor very soon. I asked her in the e-mail to please go with me, since I was in a mood where I know I have to go. She's already assured me that she will and I don't think she'll judge me on my diagnosis, whatever it may be.
In response to your suggestion about going to the doctor with my sister, TerryB, great idea! Thanks! I was planning on asking her on the chairlift while I was my cabin or something, but I didn't get the chance. I've put a lot of thought into who I should go with, if anyone, and if I don't feel confident enough to go with any of my friends, I'm going to ask her. I loved that idea. It's really comforting to know that no matter what, I can ask her. She's not going anywhere.
My "OCD" seems to be getting worse recently. I can't stop re-reading things and when I do, I have to think "right, left, left, right" and move my hands or teeth subtly 5 times, but then it doesn't feel right so another 5, but an even number isn't good, and so on. I wash my hands five times, do my ritual at the end of brushing my teeth 5 times, kiss my dog 5 times, brush my hair 5 times, etc. If I don't, I think that someone I love will get into a car accident or another dreaded occurance will take place, and I'll be at fault, even though I know that's not true. I have random intrusive thoughts, I obsess over conversations all of the time, and well basically all of the symptoms I've mentioned in the past. I'm planning to go to a doctor (well I know I was before when I was in this mood, but hopefully I'll stick with it this time).
Anyways, I better get going. I'll probably post very soon. Good luck Just a boy.., I think you were so brave to go to the doctor. Good luck to everyone else, and thanks so much for everything! I owe so much to all of you who have helped me. I feel so lucky.
Daniela :)
Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I was at my cabin.
I've been having huge mood swings lately. Most of the time, however, I think that I have nothing to live for. While I was at my cabin without internet access, I realized how much I really do depend on my friends. I kept on thinking to call someone up or to go online to see if any of them are on, but I don't know if that's good. It seems that in a lot of Junior High schools, mine included, everyone's trying to find out who they are. I have great friends, but I don't know which ones I can really depend on right now since I'm so vunerable and I don't consider myself nearly strong enough to deal with this, but I'm going to get through it. I wonder why I'm doubting so much and thinking about conversations and people's motives when they ask me a question. I mean I always have, but never to this extent.
Like I said, I've been having mood swings lately. In fact, just an hour ago, I was feeling depressed again. I decided to come here because I know that you guys are so supportive, but reading the recent posts again really raised my spirits (thanks TerryB and MrsLee especially in this last post) and I'm in a much better mood now, I can't even stop smiling. In the past few days though, I haven't been able to stop thinking about killing myself, the thoughts aren't going away. I think it would be so much easier and I know that it'd be cowardly of me to kill myself, but I get to the point that I don't care. I sent a friend (that I know I can definitely count on no matter what) and e-mail about an hour ago, and I'm definitely planning to go to the doctor very soon. I asked her in the e-mail to please go with me, since I was in a mood where I know I have to go. She's already assured me that she will and I don't think she'll judge me on my diagnosis, whatever it may be.
In response to your suggestion about going to the doctor with my sister, TerryB, great idea! Thanks! I was planning on asking her on the chairlift while I was my cabin or something, but I didn't get the chance. I've put a lot of thought into who I should go with, if anyone, and if I don't feel confident enough to go with any of my friends, I'm going to ask her. I loved that idea. It's really comforting to know that no matter what, I can ask her. She's not going anywhere.
My "OCD" seems to be getting worse recently. I can't stop re-reading things and when I do, I have to think "right, left, left, right" and move my hands or teeth subtly 5 times, but then it doesn't feel right so another 5, but an even number isn't good, and so on. I wash my hands five times, do my ritual at the end of brushing my teeth 5 times, kiss my dog 5 times, brush my hair 5 times, etc. If I don't, I think that someone I love will get into a car accident or another dreaded occurance will take place, and I'll be at fault, even though I know that's not true. I have random intrusive thoughts, I obsess over conversations all of the time, and well basically all of the symptoms I've mentioned in the past. I'm planning to go to a doctor (well I know I was before when I was in this mood, but hopefully I'll stick with it this time).
Anyways, I better get going. I'll probably post very soon. Good luck Just a boy.., I think you were so brave to go to the doctor. Good luck to everyone else, and thanks so much for everything! I owe so much to all of you who have helped me. I feel so lucky.
Daniela :)
TerryB
01-01-2004, 11:10 AM
Daniela,
That is so observant of you to notice that the other students are still "finding" themselves. I remember getting very cynical at your age but these same people really do improve with age (although some of the worst ones you will probably find will never be friends of yours.) That being said, it is hard to trust people at this age. It is also hard to appreciate the good friends that you have right in your own family. I probably would have been embarrassed to admit that my sister was my best friend back then!
You are very special Daniela. You are smart and insightful and a survivor! Hang in there!
Terry
That is so observant of you to notice that the other students are still "finding" themselves. I remember getting very cynical at your age but these same people really do improve with age (although some of the worst ones you will probably find will never be friends of yours.) That being said, it is hard to trust people at this age. It is also hard to appreciate the good friends that you have right in your own family. I probably would have been embarrassed to admit that my sister was my best friend back then!
You are very special Daniela. You are smart and insightful and a survivor! Hang in there!
Terry
gogocrazy
01-02-2004, 01:42 AM
Hey!
Thanks so much.
My friend hasn't e-mailed me back yet (she doesn't check her e-mail very often) but I'm pretty confident that she'll come with me, she's already said that she will. If she doesn't, however, I'll ask one of my other close friends (including my sister). A few of my friends are conscience about what other people think of them and are still finding themselves, but they're still loyal. Most of my friends don't care what people think of them though and I know they'll stick with me through anything. Even if, for whatever reason, no one can come with me, I'll go alone. I need to get help and I want to get help.
Thanks for bringing up my sister too. I really didn't realize that she'd always be there for me until you mentioned it. We're actually pretty close, especially after family problems that have been occuring in the past 2 years or so. She rebelled more and I stayed quieter, but we still knew what the other was going through, and that really helped. I'm really lucky.
Could extreme indecisiveness also be classified a symptom of OCD? Like being indecisive the point that you can't choose which to eat first, which piece of thread to use (where they're all exactly the same), what to watch, which candle to light first, etc.? I'm always like this, I can't make any decision, and it's out of fear of making a mistake and/or regretting my choice later (when there's really no possible mistake to make, in choosing which thread to use for example). I thought of that in the past week, and I just thought I'd ask. Also, is guilt a symptom (where the guilt makes no sense)? Like if someone was going to go grab something, and you got it for them, then you think "What if they wanted to do it?" and you try to convince them to go get it. One last question about symptoms: could having to keep one last thing of everything be classified an OCD symptom? For instance, if you get a different type of pen every time you need more pens, keeping one pen from each pack "in case you need it" (which, in reality, you never will).
I used to be exactly like everyone else who doesn't know who they actually are when I started Junior High. After a while, however, I realized how stupid I was being and once I found out who I was, I decided that I wasn't going to try to change for anyone. Now, however, I'm finding out that everything I do seems to be somehow explained by OCD, and I have no idea who I am anymore. Could meds or CBT help this to eliminate my symptoms so I know who I am?
I'm still planning to get help and I can't wait. I can't wait until I'm officially diagnosed. I mean I already know I have it, so once I'm officially diagnosed I can finally get help. I just have a few concerns. If the doctor tells me I'm fine and I don't have OCD or any mental disorder, but I still experience obsessions and compulsions, what should I do? Being told I'm fine is probably my biggest fear. It's not that I want to have OCD, but I don't want to be wrong because that'll make me think I'm even crazier because there's no medical explanation for my behavior. I'm hoping they'll be able to diagnose me at the clinic, but if they can't and I have to tell my parents to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist, do you think I should say that I went to a clinic?
I'm so lucky to have found this board, for the supportive people helping me, and my great friends (including my sister) who aren't judging me based on this. I was focusing on my "OCD" too much and how I had to have it, out of so many people who don't have it. Really though, in a way, I'm kind of proud of my OCD while I used to be ashamed. I think it'll help me grow and I'll be stronger because of it. I can't change it, so I might as well look at the positives. I don't enjoy having it, but there are positives to it.
Anyways, thanks for the response TerryB. I'll post again soon. I'm planning to go to a doctor ASAP. Delaying it obviously isn't helping any. If anything, it's having negative affects.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks so much.
My friend hasn't e-mailed me back yet (she doesn't check her e-mail very often) but I'm pretty confident that she'll come with me, she's already said that she will. If she doesn't, however, I'll ask one of my other close friends (including my sister). A few of my friends are conscience about what other people think of them and are still finding themselves, but they're still loyal. Most of my friends don't care what people think of them though and I know they'll stick with me through anything. Even if, for whatever reason, no one can come with me, I'll go alone. I need to get help and I want to get help.
Thanks for bringing up my sister too. I really didn't realize that she'd always be there for me until you mentioned it. We're actually pretty close, especially after family problems that have been occuring in the past 2 years or so. She rebelled more and I stayed quieter, but we still knew what the other was going through, and that really helped. I'm really lucky.
Could extreme indecisiveness also be classified a symptom of OCD? Like being indecisive the point that you can't choose which to eat first, which piece of thread to use (where they're all exactly the same), what to watch, which candle to light first, etc.? I'm always like this, I can't make any decision, and it's out of fear of making a mistake and/or regretting my choice later (when there's really no possible mistake to make, in choosing which thread to use for example). I thought of that in the past week, and I just thought I'd ask. Also, is guilt a symptom (where the guilt makes no sense)? Like if someone was going to go grab something, and you got it for them, then you think "What if they wanted to do it?" and you try to convince them to go get it. One last question about symptoms: could having to keep one last thing of everything be classified an OCD symptom? For instance, if you get a different type of pen every time you need more pens, keeping one pen from each pack "in case you need it" (which, in reality, you never will).
I used to be exactly like everyone else who doesn't know who they actually are when I started Junior High. After a while, however, I realized how stupid I was being and once I found out who I was, I decided that I wasn't going to try to change for anyone. Now, however, I'm finding out that everything I do seems to be somehow explained by OCD, and I have no idea who I am anymore. Could meds or CBT help this to eliminate my symptoms so I know who I am?
I'm still planning to get help and I can't wait. I can't wait until I'm officially diagnosed. I mean I already know I have it, so once I'm officially diagnosed I can finally get help. I just have a few concerns. If the doctor tells me I'm fine and I don't have OCD or any mental disorder, but I still experience obsessions and compulsions, what should I do? Being told I'm fine is probably my biggest fear. It's not that I want to have OCD, but I don't want to be wrong because that'll make me think I'm even crazier because there's no medical explanation for my behavior. I'm hoping they'll be able to diagnose me at the clinic, but if they can't and I have to tell my parents to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist, do you think I should say that I went to a clinic?
I'm so lucky to have found this board, for the supportive people helping me, and my great friends (including my sister) who aren't judging me based on this. I was focusing on my "OCD" too much and how I had to have it, out of so many people who don't have it. Really though, in a way, I'm kind of proud of my OCD while I used to be ashamed. I think it'll help me grow and I'll be stronger because of it. I can't change it, so I might as well look at the positives. I don't enjoy having it, but there are positives to it.
Anyways, thanks for the response TerryB. I'll post again soon. I'm planning to go to a doctor ASAP. Delaying it obviously isn't helping any. If anything, it's having negative affects.
Thanks,
Daniela
NoonBlueApples
01-02-2004, 02:56 AM
Daniela,
I share so many of your symptoms down to the tee that it is almost scary.
Patterns of five, left right right left (or vice versa), guilt, indecisiveness, fear of doing horrible things in public, washing, and on and on...You are not alone...I am now almost thirty, and have had OCD since early adolescence....(I apologize for any mispellings I may make), and one of the scariest things for me was the fear that I was the only person on earth that had the thoughts that I had....I had no idea what OCD was...I didn't think that there could possibly be a disorder that would have me do all of these strange things....as a child I thought that mental disorders were all about voices in the head and such, I had no idea how many people could possibly share what I thought was an illness that only I possessed...I was so relieved in high school to find another person (by accident) that shared many of the same symptoms....
Daniela, as depressing as it may seem, and the thoughts can drive you absolutely mad, there is a lot of hope that at times may seem completely out of reach but it is neverhteless there. Your story mirrors my childhood in so many ways, although since it wasn't until I was 17 that I had even heard about OCD, I thought for years I was either possessed, or had such a bizare craziness that noone would ever understand ..."they will lock me up for sure", I would worry........."nobody can possibly comprehend the thoughts running through my head"...in all honesty, I still have thoughts that I know are completely OCD related, but are so embarrising that I will never share them....but let me assure you, there is hope.......even through the craziest and most disturbing moments ,there is hope..
Seeking professional help will most likely help immensly, even if it is only for your own clarification....You (and I am not a doctor but please believe me) without a doubt, suffer from OCD....all of the symptoms that you have described.,..literally all of them are without a doubt OCD related...Your posts describe the illness with unbelievable clarity. You are so articulate in your descriptions I am Shocked that you are only thirteen......You (and I know I am only basing this on your writing on this site {which I spent the last hour reading}
have an incredible grasp on what is going on in your head...It took me about a decade to come to the place where you are at now...I hid the disorder from almost everyone because I thpought that nobody would ever understand...but nowadays, much more is known about this malady...you have painted such a vivid picture of OCD...you describe 80% of what goes on in my head better than I could ever possible put into words...but please believe me that there is hope...............I accidentally hit enter before I was done...
I share so many of your symptoms down to the tee that it is almost scary.
Patterns of five, left right right left (or vice versa), guilt, indecisiveness, fear of doing horrible things in public, washing, and on and on...You are not alone...I am now almost thirty, and have had OCD since early adolescence....(I apologize for any mispellings I may make), and one of the scariest things for me was the fear that I was the only person on earth that had the thoughts that I had....I had no idea what OCD was...I didn't think that there could possibly be a disorder that would have me do all of these strange things....as a child I thought that mental disorders were all about voices in the head and such, I had no idea how many people could possibly share what I thought was an illness that only I possessed...I was so relieved in high school to find another person (by accident) that shared many of the same symptoms....
Daniela, as depressing as it may seem, and the thoughts can drive you absolutely mad, there is a lot of hope that at times may seem completely out of reach but it is neverhteless there. Your story mirrors my childhood in so many ways, although since it wasn't until I was 17 that I had even heard about OCD, I thought for years I was either possessed, or had such a bizare craziness that noone would ever understand ..."they will lock me up for sure", I would worry........."nobody can possibly comprehend the thoughts running through my head"...in all honesty, I still have thoughts that I know are completely OCD related, but are so embarrising that I will never share them....but let me assure you, there is hope.......even through the craziest and most disturbing moments ,there is hope..
Seeking professional help will most likely help immensly, even if it is only for your own clarification....You (and I am not a doctor but please believe me) without a doubt, suffer from OCD....all of the symptoms that you have described.,..literally all of them are without a doubt OCD related...Your posts describe the illness with unbelievable clarity. You are so articulate in your descriptions I am Shocked that you are only thirteen......You (and I know I am only basing this on your writing on this site {which I spent the last hour reading}
have an incredible grasp on what is going on in your head...It took me about a decade to come to the place where you are at now...I hid the disorder from almost everyone because I thpought that nobody would ever understand...but nowadays, much more is known about this malady...you have painted such a vivid picture of OCD...you describe 80% of what goes on in my head better than I could ever possible put into words...but please believe me that there is hope...............I accidentally hit enter before I was done...
NoonBlueApples
01-02-2004, 03:13 AM
I am having some problems with the tab & enter button, I hope I can continue and still make sense....
what I wanted to finsh my earlier post to Daniela with was that seeking professional help was and is again, one of the best things I ever did....although it may not help everyone, there are medications out there that will do wonders in improving your life....Anafranil has done wonders for me (but I cannot speek for everyone).....medication, although not curing me, has done amazing things with supressing the really bad thoughts....I still do stuff in patterns, and wash over and over again, and check over and over again, and feel guilty, and apologize for no reason, but the REALLY BAD things I do much less....and when I say really bad I am talking about thinking of death/cancer/disease/nonexistance etc. for months even years at a time constantly..day and night..all day convincing myself that no moment could be enjoyed because inevitably my impending doom trumped it all....
Daniela...you are still so young and despite how horrible things may feel now, let me assure you that you have amazing things coming up in your future....I can relate to so much of what you say that it amazes me....some of the things you describe are so specifically the same as what I experience that it shocks even me.....you write so well and have a knowledge way beyond your years, and I have no doubt that you will overcome this and succede beyond your dreams...
what I wanted to finsh my earlier post to Daniela with was that seeking professional help was and is again, one of the best things I ever did....although it may not help everyone, there are medications out there that will do wonders in improving your life....Anafranil has done wonders for me (but I cannot speek for everyone).....medication, although not curing me, has done amazing things with supressing the really bad thoughts....I still do stuff in patterns, and wash over and over again, and check over and over again, and feel guilty, and apologize for no reason, but the REALLY BAD things I do much less....and when I say really bad I am talking about thinking of death/cancer/disease/nonexistance etc. for months even years at a time constantly..day and night..all day convincing myself that no moment could be enjoyed because inevitably my impending doom trumped it all....
Daniela...you are still so young and despite how horrible things may feel now, let me assure you that you have amazing things coming up in your future....I can relate to so much of what you say that it amazes me....some of the things you describe are so specifically the same as what I experience that it shocks even me.....you write so well and have a knowledge way beyond your years, and I have no doubt that you will overcome this and succede beyond your dreams...
TerryB
01-02-2004, 10:21 AM
Daniela,
My four year old, with OCD, will often stare at her plate of food and demand that someone tell her which food to eat first. We use to try to give her some direction but she still wouldn't JUST START EATING! We don't know if it is her OCD but we do treat it like it is. We don't get sucked into it anymore because it keeps the whole family from eating in peace. We'll blow it off and say "just make yourself dive in and eat" or "do you think this is Mr. Worry somehow keeping you from eating?"
Guilt and OCD. My sister, with OCD, practically appologizes for being born. Be a little careful with this one because mean people tend to sense a weakness here and can treat you like dirt sometimes. I think for example that if you appologize for making someone do a job that they are suppose to be doing anyway then they sometime resent do their job (like bagging groceries.)
Terry
My four year old, with OCD, will often stare at her plate of food and demand that someone tell her which food to eat first. We use to try to give her some direction but she still wouldn't JUST START EATING! We don't know if it is her OCD but we do treat it like it is. We don't get sucked into it anymore because it keeps the whole family from eating in peace. We'll blow it off and say "just make yourself dive in and eat" or "do you think this is Mr. Worry somehow keeping you from eating?"
Guilt and OCD. My sister, with OCD, practically appologizes for being born. Be a little careful with this one because mean people tend to sense a weakness here and can treat you like dirt sometimes. I think for example that if you appologize for making someone do a job that they are suppose to be doing anyway then they sometime resent do their job (like bagging groceries.)
Terry
gogocrazy
01-02-2004, 03:45 PM
Hey!
Thanks again for the replies, NoonBlueApples and TerryB. It helps me a lot and it's very comforting to know that I'm not alone.
After I read this over again last night, I was so happy. I thought there was hope and I was sure I was going to get help. After I wrote my friend an e-mail (well I kept on erasing it, so that took about an hour and a half) and finished 1 1/2 hours of "before bed" rituals, I was depressed again. I thought everything was so hopeless. This morning I was too scared to go to a doctor again and everything started all over again.
My best friend just got back from a vacation yesterday night, and I told her that for her birthday I was going to take her to a movie. We decided that we wanted to see each other before our Christmas Break ended (since we don't go to the same school) and then she asked me how everything was. I told her that it wasn't too good, my "OCD" was getting worse, and now she's taking me to a doctor tomorrow. I want to get help, but I don't want to go in fear of being wrong, but she'll make me go. I'm so scared, I can't even explain how scared I am. I know that I have to, but I don't know if I'm brave enough. What if I'm not able to tell the doctor all of my symptoms? What if I get too scared? What if I'm wrong? My friend said that they'll be able to diagnose me right at the clinic, and I hope so. I'm just so confused right now. Any advice? Are there any ways I could prepare myself? Should I print off some information on OCD to show the doctor how serious I am, or would that be useless? I really don't know what to do right now, besides go to the doctor.
Anyways, I'll probably post before tomorrow. Thanks for the support.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks again for the replies, NoonBlueApples and TerryB. It helps me a lot and it's very comforting to know that I'm not alone.
After I read this over again last night, I was so happy. I thought there was hope and I was sure I was going to get help. After I wrote my friend an e-mail (well I kept on erasing it, so that took about an hour and a half) and finished 1 1/2 hours of "before bed" rituals, I was depressed again. I thought everything was so hopeless. This morning I was too scared to go to a doctor again and everything started all over again.
My best friend just got back from a vacation yesterday night, and I told her that for her birthday I was going to take her to a movie. We decided that we wanted to see each other before our Christmas Break ended (since we don't go to the same school) and then she asked me how everything was. I told her that it wasn't too good, my "OCD" was getting worse, and now she's taking me to a doctor tomorrow. I want to get help, but I don't want to go in fear of being wrong, but she'll make me go. I'm so scared, I can't even explain how scared I am. I know that I have to, but I don't know if I'm brave enough. What if I'm not able to tell the doctor all of my symptoms? What if I get too scared? What if I'm wrong? My friend said that they'll be able to diagnose me right at the clinic, and I hope so. I'm just so confused right now. Any advice? Are there any ways I could prepare myself? Should I print off some information on OCD to show the doctor how serious I am, or would that be useless? I really don't know what to do right now, besides go to the doctor.
Anyways, I'll probably post before tomorrow. Thanks for the support.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
01-02-2004, 04:38 PM
Daniela,
I always have a few notes for myself when I see a doctor to remind myself of all the issues that need to be discussed. If you are concerned that you might clam up totally, you might want to write your situation on paper and give it to the doctor to read. Doctors are busy so you want it to be concise and to the point. You might want to start out by saying that you've done some research and you think that you may have OCD and then write all the symptoms that you have starting with the most important ones first so that the doctor really gets the picture in the beginning of your summary.
The most important thing though is for you to go!!!
Terry
I always have a few notes for myself when I see a doctor to remind myself of all the issues that need to be discussed. If you are concerned that you might clam up totally, you might want to write your situation on paper and give it to the doctor to read. Doctors are busy so you want it to be concise and to the point. You might want to start out by saying that you've done some research and you think that you may have OCD and then write all the symptoms that you have starting with the most important ones first so that the doctor really gets the picture in the beginning of your summary.
The most important thing though is for you to go!!!
Terry
gogocrazy
01-03-2004, 02:19 PM
Hey!
I'm still going to a doctor today. I'm so scared. I couldn't stop shaking at all yesterday and I'm shaking even more today. I'm so scared of being wrong and since I'm in so much denial, it seems like a pretty good possibility. When I'm in the middle of obsessions or compulsions, particularly at night before bed (which is now taking at least an hour), I feel certain that I have OCD and I want to get help more than anything. Any other time, even now for example, I'm in so much denial and I don't want to be wrong. If it wasn't for everyone whose responded and my friends, I don't know where I'd be.
I think I figured out how to tell my parents, but the decision isn't final yet and any opinions and suggestions would be appreciated. Two of my closest friends are going to help me tell my math teacher on Monday (the first day back after Christmas Break) and ask her to help me tell my parents. Hopefully she will, and in case that she won't, for whatever reason, I'll think of another way.
I'm going to make notes of my symptoms so I won't forget them and I'm going to tell my friend most of them so she can help me if I freeze up. My friends are being so supportive, it's great. I just can't imagine what I'd do if I were wrong, I can't stand that thought.
There's something else that I'm worried about. Well, my school has a lot of trips and I normally don't go on them because I don't know how successful I'd be at hiding my obsessions and compulsions, I mean it's nearly impossible at home. Last year there were three trips and I didn't go on any of them, but in September of this year there was a mandatory P.E. trip. I went, but it was really hard to keep my compulsions hidden. I completely detached myself from everyone, kept to myself, avoided all possible situations where my obsessions would start then I'd feel forced to do my compulsions, and if I couldn't avoid the situation, I'd try to do it at a different time than everyone else. Nobody noticed anything and just thought I was detaching myself because I felt like it. Coming up at the end of January, however, there's a band trip that I can't miss. Attendance isn't mandatory, but my band teacher will basically make me go. I don't think I'll be very successful in hiding my compulsions this time, my "OCD" has gotten so much worse. Any suggestions with what I can do? I'm really scared about that.
Anyways, I better go. I'll definitely check back before I leave, so any comments would be appreciated. I'm so excited, I'll post my diagnosis ASAP.
Thanks,
Daniela
I'm still going to a doctor today. I'm so scared. I couldn't stop shaking at all yesterday and I'm shaking even more today. I'm so scared of being wrong and since I'm in so much denial, it seems like a pretty good possibility. When I'm in the middle of obsessions or compulsions, particularly at night before bed (which is now taking at least an hour), I feel certain that I have OCD and I want to get help more than anything. Any other time, even now for example, I'm in so much denial and I don't want to be wrong. If it wasn't for everyone whose responded and my friends, I don't know where I'd be.
I think I figured out how to tell my parents, but the decision isn't final yet and any opinions and suggestions would be appreciated. Two of my closest friends are going to help me tell my math teacher on Monday (the first day back after Christmas Break) and ask her to help me tell my parents. Hopefully she will, and in case that she won't, for whatever reason, I'll think of another way.
I'm going to make notes of my symptoms so I won't forget them and I'm going to tell my friend most of them so she can help me if I freeze up. My friends are being so supportive, it's great. I just can't imagine what I'd do if I were wrong, I can't stand that thought.
There's something else that I'm worried about. Well, my school has a lot of trips and I normally don't go on them because I don't know how successful I'd be at hiding my obsessions and compulsions, I mean it's nearly impossible at home. Last year there were three trips and I didn't go on any of them, but in September of this year there was a mandatory P.E. trip. I went, but it was really hard to keep my compulsions hidden. I completely detached myself from everyone, kept to myself, avoided all possible situations where my obsessions would start then I'd feel forced to do my compulsions, and if I couldn't avoid the situation, I'd try to do it at a different time than everyone else. Nobody noticed anything and just thought I was detaching myself because I felt like it. Coming up at the end of January, however, there's a band trip that I can't miss. Attendance isn't mandatory, but my band teacher will basically make me go. I don't think I'll be very successful in hiding my compulsions this time, my "OCD" has gotten so much worse. Any suggestions with what I can do? I'm really scared about that.
Anyways, I better go. I'll definitely check back before I leave, so any comments would be appreciated. I'm so excited, I'll post my diagnosis ASAP.
Thanks,
Daniela
gogocrazy
01-04-2004, 02:13 AM
Hey!
I don't think I've ever felt this bad in my life. They wouldn't let me see a doctor at the clinic because "I was too young," but that's not true because my best friend's parents used to work there and they said that kids went to see them alone all of the time. Well, I couldn't go, but I'm so scared because my friend gave them my phone number, address, etc. I'm pretty sure they won't call though. I told my best friend's mom today, and she's going to tell my mom tomorrow. I think she's taking me very seriously because I couldn't stop crying when I told her. I'm so scared, but thankfully I'll be going to school on Monday. I don't think my parents will be very happy with me and I'm so scared, but my friends are being great and everything. If any of you have any advice or what I should say to my parents, please post it!
Thanks,
Daniela
I don't think I've ever felt this bad in my life. They wouldn't let me see a doctor at the clinic because "I was too young," but that's not true because my best friend's parents used to work there and they said that kids went to see them alone all of the time. Well, I couldn't go, but I'm so scared because my friend gave them my phone number, address, etc. I'm pretty sure they won't call though. I told my best friend's mom today, and she's going to tell my mom tomorrow. I think she's taking me very seriously because I couldn't stop crying when I told her. I'm so scared, but thankfully I'll be going to school on Monday. I don't think my parents will be very happy with me and I'm so scared, but my friends are being great and everything. If any of you have any advice or what I should say to my parents, please post it!
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
01-04-2004, 09:42 AM
Daniela, I'm so sorry about the way things turned out! Here's a big ciber hug:
(((((Daniela)))))
Terry
(((((Daniela)))))
Terry
gogocrazy
01-04-2004, 02:00 PM
Hey!
Thanks for the reply. It helps to know that someone's here.
What should I do when my parents find out though? I don't what their reaction is going to be, but I'm guessing they won't be too happy because I told my friend's mom first and tried to go to a doctor. I'm so scared. I don't want them to think of me differently and I don't want to be wrong. What should I say to them when they find out?
Anyways, I better go. I don't know what else to say, I'm terrified right now.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for the reply. It helps to know that someone's here.
What should I do when my parents find out though? I don't what their reaction is going to be, but I'm guessing they won't be too happy because I told my friend's mom first and tried to go to a doctor. I'm so scared. I don't want them to think of me differently and I don't want to be wrong. What should I say to them when they find out?
Anyways, I better go. I don't know what else to say, I'm terrified right now.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
01-04-2004, 04:37 PM
Daniela, you did try to tell your parents but for whatever reason they didn't understand or hear. Maybe they will understand that you were desperate and really hurting. Terry
gogocrazy
01-04-2004, 07:34 PM
Hey!
Everything went better than I thought. My mom told me that she doesn't think I have OCD, that I'm just stressed out, but she's calling the doctor tomorrow. My dad doesn't really know, but I'm sure my mom will tell him right away. My mom made it very clear that she doesn't think it's OCD, but she still wants to get it checked out and everything, just in case. I told her most of my symptoms, but she just said I like patterns and it's a nervous habit, so I don't know. I'm confused, but not as scared.
Anyways, I'll post as soon as I know anything else.
Thanks,
Daniela
Everything went better than I thought. My mom told me that she doesn't think I have OCD, that I'm just stressed out, but she's calling the doctor tomorrow. My dad doesn't really know, but I'm sure my mom will tell him right away. My mom made it very clear that she doesn't think it's OCD, but she still wants to get it checked out and everything, just in case. I told her most of my symptoms, but she just said I like patterns and it's a nervous habit, so I don't know. I'm confused, but not as scared.
Anyways, I'll post as soon as I know anything else.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
01-04-2004, 10:05 PM
Daniela, it's a breakthrough. Your Mom at least recognizes that there is a problem! Terry
gogocrazy
01-04-2004, 10:18 PM
Hey!
I know, I'm so happy! I'm a little embarrassed and I'll be embarrassed if I'm wrong, but I'm so happy to be getting help. I'm probably going to be getting some meds tomorrow and I'm going to a doctor for anxiety. My mom kept on saying that I'm not a kid who has OCD, that there's nothing wrong. She said that I have stable relationships and I'm pretty open with my emotions. Do you still think I have OCD? She's pretty convincing, but I think it's more than just stress, because other than this, the problems in my life are pretty bearable.
Thanks,
Daniela
I know, I'm so happy! I'm a little embarrassed and I'll be embarrassed if I'm wrong, but I'm so happy to be getting help. I'm probably going to be getting some meds tomorrow and I'm going to a doctor for anxiety. My mom kept on saying that I'm not a kid who has OCD, that there's nothing wrong. She said that I have stable relationships and I'm pretty open with my emotions. Do you still think I have OCD? She's pretty convincing, but I think it's more than just stress, because other than this, the problems in my life are pretty bearable.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
01-04-2004, 10:29 PM
I wouldn't stress yourself out over the diagnosis. The way that I see it you could easily have OCD, anxiety and depression. They often go together. I would have situational anxiety and depression if I went through what you have been experiencing just trying to get a diagnosis. The important thing is that you are going! Terry
red16
01-05-2004, 05:33 PM
I've been reading this thread and I just have to comment on how strong your being. I'm a year older than you and was recently diagnosed with OCD after having a major panic attack becauseI got severe unwanted thoughts in my head. It all made sense especially when I started thinking and realized I do some other things that have to be related to OCD thought they never stopped me form anything before. It's great your finally getting help, meds will definatley help just keep in mind they don't work right away. I'm sorry your mom is having so much trouble with accepting the fact you have OCD (I don't think your wrong don't be nervous about the diagnoses). I'd suggest talking to her about how your not crazy and her baby will be okay, it's sort of like your brain short circuited a bit or a broken record as my psycologist put it. OCD can definatley cause depression and anxiety, I experience it from the OCD and another illness I have been dealing with. Best of luck, you'll be okay, I hope all went well with the doctor today (hey that rhymed, yes I get amused way to easily). okay I'm done;)
gogocrazy
01-05-2004, 11:54 PM
Hey!
I didn't get meds. My mom said she would get them, but she didn't and I haven't asked her yet. I'm going to a psychologist on Thursday morning for kids who have OCD-like symptoms, but don't have OCD. My mom also bought me "Brain Lock" today and when I said "But you said I don't have OCD," she said "You don't, but in the first chapter it says it helps with rituals that are like OCD." I hope that if I do have OCD, which I still think I do, the psychologist will tell me it's more serious than just symptoms. If I don't, then it's great I'm getting help and hopefully I'll be able to beat my symptoms.
By the way, thanks for the replies TerryB and red16. By the way, good luck red16 with everything. Yeah, my parents are in a lot of denial, but everything's better than it was before. It's great that I'm going to a psychologist too because if I have anything else (like anxiety or depression), she'll probably catch that.
Anyways, I better get going. Thanks again!
Thanks,
Daniela
I didn't get meds. My mom said she would get them, but she didn't and I haven't asked her yet. I'm going to a psychologist on Thursday morning for kids who have OCD-like symptoms, but don't have OCD. My mom also bought me "Brain Lock" today and when I said "But you said I don't have OCD," she said "You don't, but in the first chapter it says it helps with rituals that are like OCD." I hope that if I do have OCD, which I still think I do, the psychologist will tell me it's more serious than just symptoms. If I don't, then it's great I'm getting help and hopefully I'll be able to beat my symptoms.
By the way, thanks for the replies TerryB and red16. By the way, good luck red16 with everything. Yeah, my parents are in a lot of denial, but everything's better than it was before. It's great that I'm going to a psychologist too because if I have anything else (like anxiety or depression), she'll probably catch that.
Anyways, I better get going. Thanks again!
Thanks,
Daniela
MrsLee
01-06-2004, 11:32 AM
Daniela,
I am so glad you are finally getting help! I agree that you are being very strong. It definately sounds like you mom is in denial. I don't think it has anything to do with your relationships or openness with emotions. Mental disorders are exactly that: a disease with your brain that is not your fault. Psychologists know how these diseases work and should be able to explain this to your mom. Please don't worry about the exact diagnosis. The main thing is that you are getting help for your problem, whatever it may be. I am so proud of you. I can't wait to hear how your appointment goes. Good luck and take care!
I am so glad you are finally getting help! I agree that you are being very strong. It definately sounds like you mom is in denial. I don't think it has anything to do with your relationships or openness with emotions. Mental disorders are exactly that: a disease with your brain that is not your fault. Psychologists know how these diseases work and should be able to explain this to your mom. Please don't worry about the exact diagnosis. The main thing is that you are getting help for your problem, whatever it may be. I am so proud of you. I can't wait to hear how your appointment goes. Good luck and take care!
gogocrazy
01-14-2004, 09:40 PM
Hey!
My parents are still convinced that I'm completely normal. All my psychologist said was that it's definitely OCD-stuff and she mentioned that maybe I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I definitely think that I have OCD and I really want to get help. She's going to try to help me without medication, but if I don't show any progress, I'm probably going to get put on meds. I'm seeing her again tomorrow and then next Wednesday or Thursday, then after that again. We just haven't set any dates because I have my band trip that week. There's a slight chance that I won't be able to go, but I probably will be.
The psychologist seemed nice, but I really want an official diagnosis so that I'm sure and I don' thave to constantly ask myself if I am normal, if my parents are right, and if I'm just worrying for nothing. Whenever I question that it doesn't last long because a symptom starts up, but I question myself frequently. I don't know, I'm still very confused. I still think I'm depressed, but I don't know how to tell my psychologist. Any suggestions? I don't know if I am actually depressed, but a lot of times life doesn't seem worth living and I just want to die. I don't know.
Anyways, I'll post after I go to the psychologist tomorrow. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, and thanks for the reply Mrs.Lee!
Daniela
My parents are still convinced that I'm completely normal. All my psychologist said was that it's definitely OCD-stuff and she mentioned that maybe I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I definitely think that I have OCD and I really want to get help. She's going to try to help me without medication, but if I don't show any progress, I'm probably going to get put on meds. I'm seeing her again tomorrow and then next Wednesday or Thursday, then after that again. We just haven't set any dates because I have my band trip that week. There's a slight chance that I won't be able to go, but I probably will be.
The psychologist seemed nice, but I really want an official diagnosis so that I'm sure and I don' thave to constantly ask myself if I am normal, if my parents are right, and if I'm just worrying for nothing. Whenever I question that it doesn't last long because a symptom starts up, but I question myself frequently. I don't know, I'm still very confused. I still think I'm depressed, but I don't know how to tell my psychologist. Any suggestions? I don't know if I am actually depressed, but a lot of times life doesn't seem worth living and I just want to die. I don't know.
Anyways, I'll post after I go to the psychologist tomorrow. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, and thanks for the reply Mrs.Lee!
Daniela
TerryB
01-14-2004, 10:08 PM
Daniela,
Be absolutely truthful with your therapist. Write it down before you see her.
It is standard with young folks to try without meds first. Let us know what you are doing to combat the OCD. It will help reinforce it I think and we'll tell you if anything sounds fishy, like the psychologist is not too familiar with OCD.
Terry
Be absolutely truthful with your therapist. Write it down before you see her.
It is standard with young folks to try without meds first. Let us know what you are doing to combat the OCD. It will help reinforce it I think and we'll tell you if anything sounds fishy, like the psychologist is not too familiar with OCD.
Terry
red16
01-15-2004, 04:23 PM
I'm glad your getting help:) definatley talk to your psychologist about the depression, you made need to be on medicine for that. are you seeing a psychiatrist aong with the psychologist(im so happy im finally remembering which is which because my memory has been shot lately lol)? I hope you start to feel better soon!
MrsLee
01-15-2004, 06:05 PM
HI Daniela,
I am so proud of you for finally getting help. I know you will feel better soon. PLease keep us updated. Keep your head up sweety. :)
I am so proud of you for finally getting help. I know you will feel better soon. PLease keep us updated. Keep your head up sweety. :)
gogocrazy
01-16-2004, 04:05 PM
Hey!
Yesterday my psychologist said that I have OCD and GAD. I told her that I wanted to know because I wanted to know exactly what was wrong with me, so she told me it was OCD. She wants me to write down all of my rituals, from easiest to hardest, and stop the ones that are the easiest and work up from that. This week I'm trying to blow my nose without my "right, left, left, right" rhythm. After the session, my mom came in, and the psychologist told her that I have OCD. She didn't show any reaction and just said okay. She still doesn't think it's OCD though. She thinks that I have a compulsive personality which, if not treated, can turn into OCD. She says that maybe I have GAD. I'm so worried about my band trip, so my psychologist suggested that maybe I should tell my band teacher. Yesterday my mom told my band teacher for me when she dropped me off at school and all she said to me was that she respected the situation and if I need to tell her anything, I can. My mom just said that I've been seeing a psychologist and everything's leaning towards that I have OCD but she didn't mention the GAD.
Today my parents have an appointment with the psychologist because she wanted to meet my dad. She's going to tell them what kind of support I need and how it's important for me to call this OCD. I'm seeing her again on Monday instead of Thursday because I have midterms on Thursday. She wants to come to my house to see everything, so I don't know if that's going to be before or after my band trip.
Yeah, I'm probably going to tell the psychologist about my depression soon. I just want to get all of the OCD and GAD stuff straightened out first. It's not at all severe, but hopefully I'll be put on medication for that when I do tell her.
I'm just seeing a psychologist, just not a pyschiatrist.
Anyways, thanks for all of the replies. I'll post again soon.
Daniela
Yesterday my psychologist said that I have OCD and GAD. I told her that I wanted to know because I wanted to know exactly what was wrong with me, so she told me it was OCD. She wants me to write down all of my rituals, from easiest to hardest, and stop the ones that are the easiest and work up from that. This week I'm trying to blow my nose without my "right, left, left, right" rhythm. After the session, my mom came in, and the psychologist told her that I have OCD. She didn't show any reaction and just said okay. She still doesn't think it's OCD though. She thinks that I have a compulsive personality which, if not treated, can turn into OCD. She says that maybe I have GAD. I'm so worried about my band trip, so my psychologist suggested that maybe I should tell my band teacher. Yesterday my mom told my band teacher for me when she dropped me off at school and all she said to me was that she respected the situation and if I need to tell her anything, I can. My mom just said that I've been seeing a psychologist and everything's leaning towards that I have OCD but she didn't mention the GAD.
Today my parents have an appointment with the psychologist because she wanted to meet my dad. She's going to tell them what kind of support I need and how it's important for me to call this OCD. I'm seeing her again on Monday instead of Thursday because I have midterms on Thursday. She wants to come to my house to see everything, so I don't know if that's going to be before or after my band trip.
Yeah, I'm probably going to tell the psychologist about my depression soon. I just want to get all of the OCD and GAD stuff straightened out first. It's not at all severe, but hopefully I'll be put on medication for that when I do tell her.
I'm just seeing a psychologist, just not a pyschiatrist.
Anyways, thanks for all of the replies. I'll post again soon.
Daniela
TerryB
01-17-2004, 10:32 PM
Sounds like incredible progress now Daniela! I'm so happy for you. Your mom is doing her best it sounds to help you. It seems like she is trying to keep positive about the whole thing. I think that you are right to want to know exactly what you are dealing with. Terry
gogocrazy
01-19-2004, 07:30 PM
Hey!
Thanks for the reply, TerryB. It is incredible progress, and I appreciate it very much. I do really want to know what I'm dealing with, but today when I asked my psychologist if I also had OCD, she said that I was showing symptoms of it but the important thing was overcoming my OCD first since it's causing me the most stress.
As I mentioned, I saw my psychologist again today. On Saturday, I beat two rituals: the one where I have to blow my nose to the rhythm right, left, left, right and the one where I tap each computer five times before I go to bed. On Sunday, however, everything seemed so real and I just couldn't stop. I also started organizing everything, or else I was sure that a burgular would break into my house. When I gave my dog a treat, I felt like I had to organize all of the treat bags. When I put my lunch in the fridge, I felt that I had to organize all of the contents of the fridge, making the labels face forward. Today has been a little better though.
I brought up my depression with my psychologist today. I just said that I had been feeling depressed lately, that I felt no one cared. I didn't mention my suicidal thoughts, although I know I should have. If I have enough courage, I'll bring those up with her next week.
Today my parents met with the headmaster of my school. As I mentioned in the early posts, this year I was put in a class with people who I think aren't very academically inclined but the school refused to move me. The headmaster said that he'd look into moving me now though and if he can't, I could do home-schooling for the classes that cause me the most stress and still have a spot in Grade 10 (next year). He said that the teachers would monitor my work, but I could work at home. My only concern is that I don't want to leave a girl in my class who doesn't talk to our classmates as well. I guess I'll make that decision with I come to it, any opinions?
The headmaster was also wondering if, provided it is okay with me, my psychologist could talk to my teachers and tell them what they could do to support me. I am very open to this idea as my teachers are very good, but it isn't final yet. It's probably going to take place after band camp, which is next week.
Anyways, I'll post again when something new comes up.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for the reply, TerryB. It is incredible progress, and I appreciate it very much. I do really want to know what I'm dealing with, but today when I asked my psychologist if I also had OCD, she said that I was showing symptoms of it but the important thing was overcoming my OCD first since it's causing me the most stress.
As I mentioned, I saw my psychologist again today. On Saturday, I beat two rituals: the one where I have to blow my nose to the rhythm right, left, left, right and the one where I tap each computer five times before I go to bed. On Sunday, however, everything seemed so real and I just couldn't stop. I also started organizing everything, or else I was sure that a burgular would break into my house. When I gave my dog a treat, I felt like I had to organize all of the treat bags. When I put my lunch in the fridge, I felt that I had to organize all of the contents of the fridge, making the labels face forward. Today has been a little better though.
I brought up my depression with my psychologist today. I just said that I had been feeling depressed lately, that I felt no one cared. I didn't mention my suicidal thoughts, although I know I should have. If I have enough courage, I'll bring those up with her next week.
Today my parents met with the headmaster of my school. As I mentioned in the early posts, this year I was put in a class with people who I think aren't very academically inclined but the school refused to move me. The headmaster said that he'd look into moving me now though and if he can't, I could do home-schooling for the classes that cause me the most stress and still have a spot in Grade 10 (next year). He said that the teachers would monitor my work, but I could work at home. My only concern is that I don't want to leave a girl in my class who doesn't talk to our classmates as well. I guess I'll make that decision with I come to it, any opinions?
The headmaster was also wondering if, provided it is okay with me, my psychologist could talk to my teachers and tell them what they could do to support me. I am very open to this idea as my teachers are very good, but it isn't final yet. It's probably going to take place after band camp, which is next week.
Anyways, I'll post again when something new comes up.
Thanks,
Daniela
TerryB
01-19-2004, 11:21 PM
Daniela,
I take it that the students in that class are not very academically inclined and they want to prevent other students from succeeding? That's a real problem if they are ruining the educational environment and creating stress in the class. It seems like the class is out of control if you are being denied access to an education because of the class environment. I would think that the school should give the teacher an aid or watch dog of some sort. Oh... but that would be too much money to invest in education! Well, since we know that isn't likely to happen, they should really start getting some of the worst kids out of the class. Your right to an education is more important than their rights.
Terry
I take it that the students in that class are not very academically inclined and they want to prevent other students from succeeding? That's a real problem if they are ruining the educational environment and creating stress in the class. It seems like the class is out of control if you are being denied access to an education because of the class environment. I would think that the school should give the teacher an aid or watch dog of some sort. Oh... but that would be too much money to invest in education! Well, since we know that isn't likely to happen, they should really start getting some of the worst kids out of the class. Your right to an education is more important than their rights.
Terry
gogocrazy
01-20-2004, 08:50 PM
Hey!
Thanks for the reply, TerryB. I don't think they're intentionally ruining the educational environment, but I think they just go to school to socialize and don't really care about others while they're talking. I mean I don't think kids shouldn't socialize in school, a lot of times my friends are what keep me going, but they're constantly talking and then my class gets piled up with homework and detentions because they were being so loud and the teacher couldn't teach.
The school called back and said that they can't have me put into a different class. At my school, there are 12 students to each class, no more and less. They said that if I find someone who wants to switch classes and it's okay with their parents, they'll switch me. My dad's really mad and he wants to take it to the chairman of the board (the founder of the school). I don't know what I want to do yet.
The headmaster asked again if my psychologist would be willing to talk to my teachers to tell them what they can do to help me and my psychologist wants to do that as soon as possible. At first my headmaster wanted to know if she could talk to the school counsellor, but my mom basically thinks he's useless and doesn't want me talking to him at all (he was the one who made up the classes). I said again that I'd appreciate my psychologist talking to my teachers, so it'll probably happen soon.
I'm seeing my psychologist again on Monday, then after band camp (I leave the next day) she wants to come to the house to see everything. My parents think this is a good idea and I wouldn't mind either. Right now she just wants to work on getting me prepared for the band trip since I'm so nervous about it. I hope everything will turn out fine though, I mean my really close friends are coming with me and the only person from my class that's coming is my friend. I guess I'm just worried about everyone finding out because most of my friends don't know yet.
Anyways, I better go.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for the reply, TerryB. I don't think they're intentionally ruining the educational environment, but I think they just go to school to socialize and don't really care about others while they're talking. I mean I don't think kids shouldn't socialize in school, a lot of times my friends are what keep me going, but they're constantly talking and then my class gets piled up with homework and detentions because they were being so loud and the teacher couldn't teach.
The school called back and said that they can't have me put into a different class. At my school, there are 12 students to each class, no more and less. They said that if I find someone who wants to switch classes and it's okay with their parents, they'll switch me. My dad's really mad and he wants to take it to the chairman of the board (the founder of the school). I don't know what I want to do yet.
The headmaster asked again if my psychologist would be willing to talk to my teachers to tell them what they can do to help me and my psychologist wants to do that as soon as possible. At first my headmaster wanted to know if she could talk to the school counsellor, but my mom basically thinks he's useless and doesn't want me talking to him at all (he was the one who made up the classes). I said again that I'd appreciate my psychologist talking to my teachers, so it'll probably happen soon.
I'm seeing my psychologist again on Monday, then after band camp (I leave the next day) she wants to come to the house to see everything. My parents think this is a good idea and I wouldn't mind either. Right now she just wants to work on getting me prepared for the band trip since I'm so nervous about it. I hope everything will turn out fine though, I mean my really close friends are coming with me and the only person from my class that's coming is my friend. I guess I'm just worried about everyone finding out because most of my friends don't know yet.
Anyways, I better go.
Thanks,
Daniela
MrsLee
01-21-2004, 09:02 PM
HI Daniela,
I am so happy about the progress you are making!
From what you've said it sounds like the other students in your class aren't taking learning seriously, and maybe that makes you feel out of place to actually cooperate and learn? That's what I got out of what you said, may be wrong though. If that's what you mean, then I can relate. It wasn't until probably my junior year of college where I could see that most students really cared about learning (or at least passing) and you wouldn't be called a dork for trying and participating. That's very frustrating. It's also frustrating when the teacher has no control over the class.
I hope you have a great time at band camp. I wouldn't worry so much about everyone finding out. They won't know unless you tell them. Teachers and other school officials are not supposed to tell student's medical histories to anyone else. I'm not sure where you are, but I think there's actually a law about that.
Well honey, I hope things keep on getting better for you. Take care and God bless!
I am so happy about the progress you are making!
From what you've said it sounds like the other students in your class aren't taking learning seriously, and maybe that makes you feel out of place to actually cooperate and learn? That's what I got out of what you said, may be wrong though. If that's what you mean, then I can relate. It wasn't until probably my junior year of college where I could see that most students really cared about learning (or at least passing) and you wouldn't be called a dork for trying and participating. That's very frustrating. It's also frustrating when the teacher has no control over the class.
I hope you have a great time at band camp. I wouldn't worry so much about everyone finding out. They won't know unless you tell them. Teachers and other school officials are not supposed to tell student's medical histories to anyone else. I'm not sure where you are, but I think there's actually a law about that.
Well honey, I hope things keep on getting better for you. Take care and God bless!
gogocrazy
01-31-2004, 07:14 PM
Hey!
Thanks for the reply, MrsLee.
I just got back from band camp yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I had a few moments where I felt so overwhelmed and one night I even started crying and hyper-ventilating and I couldn't stop for about thirty minutes, but two of my friends are great. I'm just feel so overwhelmed with everything, although I know I should feel lucky. My problems are minuscule compared to other people's problems, but everything's stressing me out and it doesn't seem too small to me, regardless of how many times I try to tell myself that they are small. I can't really explain it, but I don't want to give people the impression that I'm wallowing in self-pity. I don't really know.
I don't really feel out of place to cooperate and learn. I used to, but I grew out of that phase a couple years ago. I just get so frusterated because they have no desire to do anything productive and I feel like I need an organized environment to learn. I'm sure I could find someone who would switch into my class, but I don't know what I should do. It would be really hard to adjust to new teachers and everything and I know I'd receive a lot of unwanted attention considering that it's a very rare occurrence for the school to switch a student to another class.
This Wednesday my psychologist is meeting with my teachers to try to teach them strategies to help me. Then about every week, a teacher is going to report to my parents what has been happening. I'm just so confused.
Lately I've becoming extremely impatient and anything can set me off. The smallest things that used to bother me, however they aren't a big deal, greatly agitate me now. I'm having major mood swings and I just don't know what to feel anymore. I know I need help and I'm quite certain I'm depressed but I don't know how to approach the issue with my psychologist and tell her how serious it really is. Last week I tried telling her about my suicidal thoughts, but she just seemed to classify them an obsession. When I told her that I'm constantly thinking about them and gave her an example that when I got up to get a hoody, I thought "Will I ever come back to sit in this chair or will I kill myself before?" she seemed very surprised and I couldn't deal with her reaction so I just said "But I don't think I ever would" quickly to avoid any unwanted situation. I don't know if I ever would do anything, I think I'd be too scared, but I'm experiencing so many emotions and I'm so confused. I'm so scared of being put into a hospital. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm so confused.
At band camp, my symptoms lessened a little. I believe this is do to a change in my environment, however they were still there. For instance, when I went shopping with my friends, I was very conscience of where I stepped and would avoid stepping on any cracks. I didn't step on one crack the whole night, I thought my parents were going to die if I did. I did, however, walk away from a shelf with watches on it and fought the urge to arrange all of the watches. I haven't had the urge to arrange for very long though, so it's easier to resist as oppose to the urge to avoid stepping on cracks, for instance.
I don't know about medication. I don't have much experience involving medication and I was wondering if anyone has any input on the positive or negative effects of medication? Thanks.
On Monday, my psychologist is coming to my house to observe my surroundings and obtain a greater understanding of my rituals. Since she doesn't know what my house looks like (the distance from the bathroom to my room, for example), she doesn't believe she understands my rituals as well as she could. After I show her my house, we're continuing with a regular appointment where I express my concerns and she gives input in my house.
My psychologist is helpful, however I feel that she treats me younger than I am. I don't mean to sound like a child who believes that he or she is much more mature than he or she actually is, however this frusterates me a fair amount. I don't believe the psychologist is immature in any way, I just believe that she's using the regular approach with a 13 year old and I believe I could be benefitted more if she talked to me in a more mature manner. Do any of you think this would make a difference? If so, would you recommend any way in which I could approach this matter? I don't want her to be offended in any way.
Anyways, sorry for the long response. I just had a lot on my mind, however small it may seem, and this is the only place where I feel anyone understands.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for the reply, MrsLee.
I just got back from band camp yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I had a few moments where I felt so overwhelmed and one night I even started crying and hyper-ventilating and I couldn't stop for about thirty minutes, but two of my friends are great. I'm just feel so overwhelmed with everything, although I know I should feel lucky. My problems are minuscule compared to other people's problems, but everything's stressing me out and it doesn't seem too small to me, regardless of how many times I try to tell myself that they are small. I can't really explain it, but I don't want to give people the impression that I'm wallowing in self-pity. I don't really know.
I don't really feel out of place to cooperate and learn. I used to, but I grew out of that phase a couple years ago. I just get so frusterated because they have no desire to do anything productive and I feel like I need an organized environment to learn. I'm sure I could find someone who would switch into my class, but I don't know what I should do. It would be really hard to adjust to new teachers and everything and I know I'd receive a lot of unwanted attention considering that it's a very rare occurrence for the school to switch a student to another class.
This Wednesday my psychologist is meeting with my teachers to try to teach them strategies to help me. Then about every week, a teacher is going to report to my parents what has been happening. I'm just so confused.
Lately I've becoming extremely impatient and anything can set me off. The smallest things that used to bother me, however they aren't a big deal, greatly agitate me now. I'm having major mood swings and I just don't know what to feel anymore. I know I need help and I'm quite certain I'm depressed but I don't know how to approach the issue with my psychologist and tell her how serious it really is. Last week I tried telling her about my suicidal thoughts, but she just seemed to classify them an obsession. When I told her that I'm constantly thinking about them and gave her an example that when I got up to get a hoody, I thought "Will I ever come back to sit in this chair or will I kill myself before?" she seemed very surprised and I couldn't deal with her reaction so I just said "But I don't think I ever would" quickly to avoid any unwanted situation. I don't know if I ever would do anything, I think I'd be too scared, but I'm experiencing so many emotions and I'm so confused. I'm so scared of being put into a hospital. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm so confused.
At band camp, my symptoms lessened a little. I believe this is do to a change in my environment, however they were still there. For instance, when I went shopping with my friends, I was very conscience of where I stepped and would avoid stepping on any cracks. I didn't step on one crack the whole night, I thought my parents were going to die if I did. I did, however, walk away from a shelf with watches on it and fought the urge to arrange all of the watches. I haven't had the urge to arrange for very long though, so it's easier to resist as oppose to the urge to avoid stepping on cracks, for instance.
I don't know about medication. I don't have much experience involving medication and I was wondering if anyone has any input on the positive or negative effects of medication? Thanks.
On Monday, my psychologist is coming to my house to observe my surroundings and obtain a greater understanding of my rituals. Since she doesn't know what my house looks like (the distance from the bathroom to my room, for example), she doesn't believe she understands my rituals as well as she could. After I show her my house, we're continuing with a regular appointment where I express my concerns and she gives input in my house.
My psychologist is helpful, however I feel that she treats me younger than I am. I don't mean to sound like a child who believes that he or she is much more mature than he or she actually is, however this frusterates me a fair amount. I don't believe the psychologist is immature in any way, I just believe that she's using the regular approach with a 13 year old and I believe I could be benefitted more if she talked to me in a more mature manner. Do any of you think this would make a difference? If so, would you recommend any way in which I could approach this matter? I don't want her to be offended in any way.
Anyways, sorry for the long response. I just had a lot on my mind, however small it may seem, and this is the only place where I feel anyone understands.
Thanks,
Daniela
aimazing
02-01-2004, 03:07 PM
awww, hunny. I feel for you- it must be really hard.
I'd recommend that you approach the matter about how your physcologist treats you, with an apology before hand. Just something like "I'm sorry if this offends you in any way but..." then lead on from there. She should be understanding and therefore after you've discussed it, treat you as a more mature person. That step in itself is mature.
I've thought similar thoughts and when I really did try to kill myself, I remember thinking "this is the last time I'll see my parents." I was on my way to school. I was so out of control. I'm dealing with something similar, although very different in ways. I don't have the compulsions so much, it's just pure obsession around a person, but I can relate to your fustration and fear.
Also when you were hyperventalating it sounds like a panic attack and I can relate to them as well as I suffer frequently from them. I'd recomend you keep a track of them should you get anymore and mention it to your physcologist.
For medication, I've been told they avoid perscribing with younger people if it is possible, but I don't really know a lot about it. Mine is more anxiety. If you would like to try this- or just discuss it- either you could look it up online to find out more or mention it to your physcologist.
If you are getting really desperate and feeling like killing yourself, I would recomend you try to breach the subject again. Else, if you are scared of reprecussions with the physcologist, phone a help line and just talk through your feelings anyway. If you ever feel like you can't take it anymore phone a helpline then too.
Your friends sound really great. It's good that you have them to support and help you.
Take care. Sorry if I haven't been much help.
Aimee
I'd recommend that you approach the matter about how your physcologist treats you, with an apology before hand. Just something like "I'm sorry if this offends you in any way but..." then lead on from there. She should be understanding and therefore after you've discussed it, treat you as a more mature person. That step in itself is mature.
I've thought similar thoughts and when I really did try to kill myself, I remember thinking "this is the last time I'll see my parents." I was on my way to school. I was so out of control. I'm dealing with something similar, although very different in ways. I don't have the compulsions so much, it's just pure obsession around a person, but I can relate to your fustration and fear.
Also when you were hyperventalating it sounds like a panic attack and I can relate to them as well as I suffer frequently from them. I'd recomend you keep a track of them should you get anymore and mention it to your physcologist.
For medication, I've been told they avoid perscribing with younger people if it is possible, but I don't really know a lot about it. Mine is more anxiety. If you would like to try this- or just discuss it- either you could look it up online to find out more or mention it to your physcologist.
If you are getting really desperate and feeling like killing yourself, I would recomend you try to breach the subject again. Else, if you are scared of reprecussions with the physcologist, phone a help line and just talk through your feelings anyway. If you ever feel like you can't take it anymore phone a helpline then too.
Your friends sound really great. It's good that you have them to support and help you.
Take care. Sorry if I haven't been much help.
Aimee
red16
02-02-2004, 05:36 PM
I'm glad things are starting to turn around even if there are lotss of bumps, feel better:)
WizardPhrog
02-03-2004, 08:38 PM
Hey,
Um, I just read your entire post (when I should have been doing your homework). I forget how old you are, but you mentioned you are in Junior High. I'm 14 and, like you, I think I have OCD, although it's not causing me as much distress as it's causing you. I was orginally not going to post, but I decided that it might help you if you heard from someone around your age and in the same uncertainty (did I spell that right?).
Unlike you, my "OCD" isn't generalized; that meaning my "rituals" all have to do with one thing: germs. I have the ultimate hatred for germs. I sterilize the toilet seat and flusher everytime I go. I sanitze my computer, my hands, and my school desk before I sit down. I recently started washing every untensil before I use it to make sure it's clean. I refuse to use public bathrooms (they are too dirty, ew!) and when I absolutly have to, I don't sit down. When I lend someone a pencil, I either throw the pencil away, let them keep it, or sterilze it. I don't eat at other people's houses and I take two showers a day. If I don't do it, I feel "dirty" or "unclean". I know it's not rational, but, like I said, I feel "dirty". I don't allow people to get too close to me at all, giving my mom the impression I don't like her.
My mom thinks what I do it crazy. She thinks it's stupid and I should get a grip. I haven't told her because I have the fear of being wrong. I've been learning everything I can about OCD to try to see if I have it.
Now that you've heard my story, maybe you won't feel so lonely. My "OCD" isn't nearly as bad as your's seems to be, my maybe someday soon you'll look back on this time and remember how you felt with a kind of certainty and persistance because, Daneila, you are strong. You are stronger than me for seeking help. I just want to stay, stick in there, you'll pull through.
Um, I just read your entire post (when I should have been doing your homework). I forget how old you are, but you mentioned you are in Junior High. I'm 14 and, like you, I think I have OCD, although it's not causing me as much distress as it's causing you. I was orginally not going to post, but I decided that it might help you if you heard from someone around your age and in the same uncertainty (did I spell that right?).
Unlike you, my "OCD" isn't generalized; that meaning my "rituals" all have to do with one thing: germs. I have the ultimate hatred for germs. I sterilize the toilet seat and flusher everytime I go. I sanitze my computer, my hands, and my school desk before I sit down. I recently started washing every untensil before I use it to make sure it's clean. I refuse to use public bathrooms (they are too dirty, ew!) and when I absolutly have to, I don't sit down. When I lend someone a pencil, I either throw the pencil away, let them keep it, or sterilze it. I don't eat at other people's houses and I take two showers a day. If I don't do it, I feel "dirty" or "unclean". I know it's not rational, but, like I said, I feel "dirty". I don't allow people to get too close to me at all, giving my mom the impression I don't like her.
My mom thinks what I do it crazy. She thinks it's stupid and I should get a grip. I haven't told her because I have the fear of being wrong. I've been learning everything I can about OCD to try to see if I have it.
Now that you've heard my story, maybe you won't feel so lonely. My "OCD" isn't nearly as bad as your's seems to be, my maybe someday soon you'll look back on this time and remember how you felt with a kind of certainty and persistance because, Daneila, you are strong. You are stronger than me for seeking help. I just want to stay, stick in there, you'll pull through.
DrummerKev147
02-04-2004, 06:37 PM
Yeah, it sounds like you have OCD. But you should see a counselor to be sure. I have similar physical tics, involving my shoulder, neck and hands/fingers.
WizardPhrog
02-04-2004, 07:24 PM
Hi,
I just read my post over and it's a mess. "I should have been going your homework"? Anyway, I just wanted to make a few changes:
Your= my
my= shouldn't belong there
I hope it makes more sense.
I just read my post over and it's a mess. "I should have been going your homework"? Anyway, I just wanted to make a few changes:
Your= my
my= shouldn't belong there
I hope it makes more sense.
DrummerKev147
02-04-2004, 07:49 PM
I had something similar to the swallowing thing. One summer several years ago I had a fear of choking and wouldn't eat solid food. That lasted several weeks, and was pretty scary. Just thought I'd share that experience. What's comforting is I eventually got over it, and maybe you can too.
FarmGirl30
02-07-2004, 06:41 PM
To the original poster (sorry, cant recall your name),
YES, please tell your parents about all of this OCD stuff. The reason why is because I, too, had similar symptoms as you do now. I was 9 years old when I first noticed them and didn't know what to make of them. I didnt think they were normal, but I just didnt know what to do. I felt I was "weird" and certainly different, and was afraid someone might think I was crazy (this was 21 years ago, when OCD wasnt nearly as well-known as it is now). In no way do I intend to frighten you as this was my own *personal* experience, but by the time I was 13, then 14, I went from severe anxiety with the OCD symptoms into a full-blown suicidal depression. I tried to kill myself several times. At age 30, I still struggle with chronic depression (which turns out was from Lyme Disease all along! But alas, thats another story). What I want to say is that my not telling anyone about my OCD might not have prevented the course my life took and continued to take, but, and here is what I want to get across, *my not telling anyone/parents, caused me such a great amount of internal conflict that it affected every aspect of my life*. I DON'T want this to happen to you. I am proud of you already, for telling some of your friends. This is great! You unloaded on them and saw that nothing bad happened. They still like and accept you. They're still your friends. As wonderful as friends are though, you still require some more intervention (unless you are ok to recognize you have this problem, know you arent crazy in any way whatsoever, and can accept that). It's just that today there are medications that can help control the underlying mechanisms that cause a person to become OCD in the first place. You are very young, so I am not sure if any meds would yet be tried for you (and to be honest, I'm not fond of kids taking those kinds of meds). But a counselor could be helpful to talk to about any fears or other concerns you might be having. Just having someone to talk to and validate your feelings can be very freeing.
I am impressed by how well you write and express yourself! You write better than many adults in America right now! I'm serious. Many people with OCD are good writers and creative, artistic in one way or another. So there are "good" things to having this problem, and can balance the "bad."
And I guess I felt so drawn to your post because if only someone had been there for me when I was that age, to listen to me and take me seriously (noone ever did). And I dont think the hell I had coming ahead could have been averted, I don't, but *sigh* It's important to get things out in the open, out in the light and not keep them in the darkness so to speak. No secrets, no worries, no fears. Believe me when I tell you that life is so much easier and better this way.
God bless you,
FarmGirl30
YES, please tell your parents about all of this OCD stuff. The reason why is because I, too, had similar symptoms as you do now. I was 9 years old when I first noticed them and didn't know what to make of them. I didnt think they were normal, but I just didnt know what to do. I felt I was "weird" and certainly different, and was afraid someone might think I was crazy (this was 21 years ago, when OCD wasnt nearly as well-known as it is now). In no way do I intend to frighten you as this was my own *personal* experience, but by the time I was 13, then 14, I went from severe anxiety with the OCD symptoms into a full-blown suicidal depression. I tried to kill myself several times. At age 30, I still struggle with chronic depression (which turns out was from Lyme Disease all along! But alas, thats another story). What I want to say is that my not telling anyone about my OCD might not have prevented the course my life took and continued to take, but, and here is what I want to get across, *my not telling anyone/parents, caused me such a great amount of internal conflict that it affected every aspect of my life*. I DON'T want this to happen to you. I am proud of you already, for telling some of your friends. This is great! You unloaded on them and saw that nothing bad happened. They still like and accept you. They're still your friends. As wonderful as friends are though, you still require some more intervention (unless you are ok to recognize you have this problem, know you arent crazy in any way whatsoever, and can accept that). It's just that today there are medications that can help control the underlying mechanisms that cause a person to become OCD in the first place. You are very young, so I am not sure if any meds would yet be tried for you (and to be honest, I'm not fond of kids taking those kinds of meds). But a counselor could be helpful to talk to about any fears or other concerns you might be having. Just having someone to talk to and validate your feelings can be very freeing.
I am impressed by how well you write and express yourself! You write better than many adults in America right now! I'm serious. Many people with OCD are good writers and creative, artistic in one way or another. So there are "good" things to having this problem, and can balance the "bad."
And I guess I felt so drawn to your post because if only someone had been there for me when I was that age, to listen to me and take me seriously (noone ever did). And I dont think the hell I had coming ahead could have been averted, I don't, but *sigh* It's important to get things out in the open, out in the light and not keep them in the darkness so to speak. No secrets, no worries, no fears. Believe me when I tell you that life is so much easier and better this way.
God bless you,
FarmGirl30
Deborah22
02-08-2004, 05:01 AM
I find this all a little strange. I have severe OCD and, until I had a breakdown and was diagnosed a couple years ago, I totally believed that everything I did was either normal or a serious defect on my part which I would never have told anyone about. It sounds to me like possibly you want to have OCD and maybe what you really need is something to do that will keep you from dwelling on these "symptoms."
WizardPhrog
02-08-2004, 08:30 AM
I find this all a little strange. I have severe OCD and, until I had a breakdown and was diagnosed a couple years ago, I totally believed that everything I did was either normal or a serious defect on my part which I would never have told anyone about. It sounds to me like possibly you want to have OCD and maybe what you really need is something to do that will keep you from dwelling on these "symptoms."
I have to disagree. I am 14 and while I have yet to be diagnosed, I think I may have OCD. I first noticed it a few months back, but I forget how it started. I thought I was just being really clean and it was absolutly nothing to worry about. However, then I found a chatroom in which people were talking about OCD. I matched one of the definitions to a T. Unlike Daniela, I don't dwell on the fact I might have OCD. However, had you read the recent posts, you would have found she did have OCD and was diagnosed.
That may had been your case, and I am sure many others' as well, but not every person is like that.
-Len
I have to disagree. I am 14 and while I have yet to be diagnosed, I think I may have OCD. I first noticed it a few months back, but I forget how it started. I thought I was just being really clean and it was absolutly nothing to worry about. However, then I found a chatroom in which people were talking about OCD. I matched one of the definitions to a T. Unlike Daniela, I don't dwell on the fact I might have OCD. However, had you read the recent posts, you would have found she did have OCD and was diagnosed.
That may had been your case, and I am sure many others' as well, but not every person is like that.
-Len
gogocrazy
02-08-2004, 01:10 PM
Hey!
Thanks for the reply, aimazing, red16, WizardPhrog (well thanks for the three replies), DrummerKev147, FarmGirl30, and Deborah22.
I told my psychologist about my suicidal thoughts on Monday. She said she didn't have to tell my parents unless I told her I was going to kill myself. Otherwise she doesn't have to. She made me promise I wouldn't kill myself in the next week and I'm seeing her again tomorrow. I'm feeling a lot better now, however at this point in time things feel kind of hopeless. Thing are however, starting to turn around and I should be thankful, regardless of the bumps (as you mentioned, red16). If I'm feeling worse, I'll call a help line or something of the sort as you mentioned, aimazing. Thanks.
Thanks for the reply, WizardPhrog. I feel like I can really relate to you. As you mentioned, my OCD is more generalized, however I also have a phobia of germs. I developed it recently though and it is not to the same extent as yours. Like you, I won't use public washrooms, I wash my utensils before I use them to make sure they're "clean," and I don't eat at other people's houses. I also won't touch public door knobs, or certain public items that I consider "contaminated." My mom thinks I'm crazy too. My dad also has rituals, so he understands a little better, but he still refuses to believe that I have OCD. Oh well, maybe they will eventually. Thanks again for the reply. If you ever need anything, I'm here.
Thanks for the reply, FarmGirl30. I have an immense amount of respect for you having gone through what you did. You post really made me reflect on how lucky I truly am. Thanks.
Along with Wizard Phrog, I disagree with you, Deborah22. As WizardPhrog mentioned, I have been diagnosed with OCD. I do not, in any way, want OCD. I do, however, want a cause for my absurd behaviors. I don't want the only explanation to be that I'm crazy. I believe that part of my dwelling on this is due to my GAD (which I have been diagnosed with in additon to my OCD). Actually, part of the diagnosis criteria for OCD is that the person realized, at one point during the disorder, that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive and illogical (this does not apply to children, however). I realized that my obsessions and compulsions did not make any sense and I did some research. I came along information of OCD in my research and I felt like I matched a lot of the things perfectly. Trying to distract myself from my OCD proves to be a useless attempt. At this point in time, it seems impossible for me to stop, but hopefully that will change. I do not in any way mean to offend you or give you the impression that I do not believe your situation was legitimate. My circumstances are very different than yours. I think that the majority of young people would be worried if they thought they had a mental illness, maybe not as much as I was though. I just don't agree with your statement.
Anyways, I should go. Thanks again for the wealth of replies. Sorry for not replying sooner, I was realy busy. I'll try to respond quicker than I did this last time. I'll post about how everything went with my psychologist.
Thanks,
Daniela
Thanks for the reply, aimazing, red16, WizardPhrog (well thanks for the three replies), DrummerKev147, FarmGirl30, and Deborah22.
I told my psychologist about my suicidal thoughts on Monday. She said she didn't have to tell my parents unless I told her I was going to kill myself. Otherwise she doesn't have to. She made me promise I wouldn't kill myself in the next week and I'm seeing her again tomorrow. I'm feeling a lot better now, however at this point in time things feel kind of hopeless. Thing are however, starting to turn around and I should be thankful, regardless of the bumps (as you mentioned, red16). If I'm feeling worse, I'll call a help line or something of the sort as you mentioned, aimazing. Thanks.
Thanks for the reply, WizardPhrog. I feel like I can really relate to you. As you mentioned, my OCD is more generalized, however I also have a phobia of germs. I developed it recently though and it is not to the same extent as yours. Like you, I won't use public washrooms, I wash my utensils before I use them to make sure they're "clean," and I don't eat at other people's houses. I also won't touch public door knobs, or certain public items that I consider "contaminated." My mom thinks I'm crazy too. My dad also has rituals, so he understands a little better, but he still refuses to believe that I have OCD. Oh well, maybe they will eventually. Thanks again for the reply. If you ever need anything, I'm here.
Thanks for the reply, FarmGirl30. I have an immense amount of respect for you having gone through what you did. You post really made me reflect on how lucky I truly am. Thanks.
Along with Wizard Phrog, I disagree with you, Deborah22. As WizardPhrog mentioned, I have been diagnosed with OCD. I do not, in any way, want OCD. I do, however, want a cause for my absurd behaviors. I don't want the only explanation to be that I'm crazy. I believe that part of my dwelling on this is due to my GAD (which I have been diagnosed with in additon to my OCD). Actually, part of the diagnosis criteria for OCD is that the person realized, at one point during the disorder, that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive and illogical (this does not apply to children, however). I realized that my obsessions and compulsions did not make any sense and I did some research. I came along information of OCD in my research and I felt like I matched a lot of the things perfectly. Trying to distract myself from my OCD proves to be a useless attempt. At this point in time, it seems impossible for me to stop, but hopefully that will change. I do not in any way mean to offend you or give you the impression that I do not believe your situation was legitimate. My circumstances are very different than yours. I think that the majority of young people would be worried if they thought they had a mental illness, maybe not as much as I was though. I just don't agree with your statement.
Anyways, I should go. Thanks again for the wealth of replies. Sorry for not replying sooner, I was realy busy. I'll try to respond quicker than I did this last time. I'll post about how everything went with my psychologist.
Thanks,
Daniela
Deborah22
02-08-2004, 02:48 PM
How very interesting! And I mean that seriously. I clearly have an entirely different problem than everyone else. I am most interested by your comment that you'd rather think there was a reason other than that you were crazy. I have a team of about 8 doctors - including those that the federal government made me see when I applied for disability. I see a therapist weekly. The focus of that therapy is that I need to understand that I am crazy or, at least, that I will never be anything approaching normal. This has been incredibly liberating because I am no longer distressed by my inability to behave as other people do. I am learning to use my OCD in my career - I am a film producer so it is a very valuable tool - but at the same time am learning what my limitations are. For instance, because I'm obsessed with numbers and counting, I have to let my partner handle the budgets. I have a definite sense of having a handicap but one that is a blessing. My OCD is a serious part of who I am and I wouldn't be who I am without it.
I am always uncomfortable about sharing this part of it but my diagnosis is actually brilliant madness which manifests as OCD. Maybe that's the difference.
I am always uncomfortable about sharing this part of it but my diagnosis is actually brilliant madness which manifests as OCD. Maybe that's the difference.
WizardPhrog
02-08-2004, 07:55 PM
OCD can manifest in many different ways. I just learned today that my dad has OCD. He organizes everything and must having everything in a certain place. It's almost infinate how many kinds of OCD there are. However, no one is alone; that meaning everyone shares and OCD trait with another. Congrats on your improvment, Daniela!
-Len
-Len
TerryB
02-08-2004, 10:42 PM
Hi Daniela, I'm glad that you are seeing someone about your OCD and putting all your symptoms out there for her to help you with. Terry
aimazing
02-10-2004, 11:49 AM
Hi Daniella,
I'm glad you've told her. Does your physcologist give your parents updates on how you are doing, depending on whether you want them to know? I just wondered, because it was mentioned with mine.
I hope you don't feel any worse, but should you do so I've posted some of the helplines I mentioned below, as when I needed them I didn't know the numbers and could access them.
Childline: 0800 1111
The Samaritans 0845 7 909090 - & Samaritans' e-mail: jo@samaritans.org
Youth 2 Youth (support and advice available) 020 8896 3675
Lifeline 0800 716701
Depression Alliance Tel 0131 467 3050
There's a few.
Hang in there. Take care. XxX
I'm glad you've told her. Does your physcologist give your parents updates on how you are doing, depending on whether you want them to know? I just wondered, because it was mentioned with mine.
I hope you don't feel any worse, but should you do so I've posted some of the helplines I mentioned below, as when I needed them I didn't know the numbers and could access them.
Childline: 0800 1111
The Samaritans 0845 7 909090 - & Samaritans' e-mail: jo@samaritans.org
Youth 2 Youth (support and advice available) 020 8896 3675
Lifeline 0800 716701
Depression Alliance Tel 0131 467 3050
There's a few.
Hang in there. Take care. XxX