My son is in 6th grade and is very imature. I believe he may have ADD but my husband doesnt want to face it. I'm worried about the effects holding him back would have on him socially. He is also struggling in some areas of school. Has anyone experienced holding their kid back at this older age? Does any one have any advice to offer?

I work in the education field, and my wife is a teacher also. I myself am a computer specialist, working in a special education high school.
Maturity should not be a factor in your decision. Your sons grades should be. Is he passing by the 'skin of his teeth' or is he getting by OK? If he is just barely passing, or not passing, this is an indication that he should maybe be held back. You should speak to his teacher about how she feels.
Does he need extra help that you can provide? Does he need a tutor? Is his 'maturity level' to blame because he started school early?
Is he getting proper nutrition? Is he getting necessary vitmins? Are you giving him natural food and NO SUGAR PRODUCTS? All these things will make a difference.
Read my posting 'Add can be helped NATURALLY' for more insight. Take a good look at his diet and find out what is mising. Speak to the teacher, also. She will give you a very good indication of where to start!
Brad

You should get your son tested for ADD. If he has it, and gets on medication, this could fix the whole problem he has is school. Then you would not have to worry about holding him back. I wish that my parents would have tested me a long time before they did. I wouldn't hold your son back a grade unless you just HAD to. I think you should have him tested asap.

No!

Retention does more harm than good at this age level.

I would consider when his birthdate falls. Is he a young 6th grader? Research shows that kids that are immature for their grade level tend to strugle more socially, as well as academically. If my son were facing this, and was a younger 6th grader, I would not hestitate to hold him back. Self esteem can come in many packages. You have to ask yourself if the immaturity factor is causing some heart ache and rejection at school. Regarding the ADD... find out and help your husband to except the results. A great book to help dad's see ADD from a different perspective and help you to understand it, too is called "Hunter in a Farmer's World, a different perspective" by Thomas Hartman. It will give you some answers and Dad some peace. Good luck!!

My son is now in 7th grade and I am having the same problem. My son has the maturaity level of a 5th grader. His grades are bad. My son has a problem with organization. When he turns in his homework he usually gets an A when he doesn't he gets an F, unfortunately he doesn't turn in his homework more than he does. I don't feel that maturity has anything to do with your ability to learn. The school is not be helpful, they don't believe that ADHD is a medical problem or that they should be a solution to the problem. If you are having any luck with teachers please tell me what is working for you because I haven't found anything.

To all the posters who have not had their kids tested..........GET THAT DONE IMMEDIATELY! One thing it will do for you is get your child protected by the ADA act if they do test positive for ADD or ADHD. Once you have a diagnosis the school HAS to provide the help your child needs. With a concrete diagnosis you will be better able to help your child with his problems as well as get him/her the help they need in school.

Okay, here's my experience on holding back kids: My now 15 year old daughter was born in December. Her pediatrician told me to ask the kindergarten teacher if she is has developed enough to go on to first grade or if she needs another year of kindergarten, her maturity was important. The teacher suggested that she go on. Well, she was immature and the next year in first grade, she got way behind the class and could not sit down long enough to learn how to read and was failing miserably and was not learning how to read. That's when I found out about ADHD (at that time I did not know I was ADHD also [I knew that when I was little I was on Ritalin for hyperactivity but they didn't know about ADHD back then]. I took Chere' to the doctor and she was diagnosed at ADHD. Well, it made a huge difference for her and she learned how to read and caught up and did great. Then in 5th grade she started having trouble in math and her grades dropped. I asked the school to test her for disabilities and they did but they said she excelled in some and dropped in some but the average score was average. I asked them if I should hold her back to give her another year so she could re-learn that year and catch up. They said no, that would emotionally hurt her. So, against my good judgment, I let her go on. Well, guess what?? She went on to 6th grade and then 7th, but did so bad in math and some other classes that she failed, she needed to go to summer school for 2 classes so pass. I right then decided that she should have been held back in kindergarted, she was still immature and she needed to repeat 7th grade, not just go to summer school and pass 2 clases, so I let her stay back and now she's a freshman in high school and she's right where she should be emotionally. She's doing well. So from that I learned that each kid is individual and you must assess each kid. My youngest, who is 9 now was also born in December. Her teacher and I talked all year and decided that she was quite young and babyish so we together decided to let her repeat kindergarten and she's now in 3rd grade and right where she should be!!! You know your own child and if you feel he needs to stay back, then you make that choice, they will eventually adjust. Good luck!!! Sorry this is so long!!!

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My daughter who is now in grade 12 had a very hard time throughout her early school years. We wondered if she should have been held back as well. We worried about what holding her back would do to her self esteem which was already fragile since she had such a hard time fitting in.

But we are finding now that she has "caught up" to her peers. We did get her counselling where she could talk about the problems she was having in school and that helped enormously. In fact, we feel that it was a more positive solution to the problem than holding her back could ever have been. And she also feels this way, now that she is able to talk about it in a more mature way.

We also set about finding an extracurricular activity for her that was uniquely hers, something her brother and sister did not do, so there could be no comparisons made. She started to take riding lessons and began to make friends at the stable with others who shared her interest and who didn't judge her on academic abilities. This added a lot to her self esteem. She is still riding and hangs out at the stable with other girls her age.

She can't wait to start university next year.