donnamay
08-12-2002, 05:29 PM
I've been with him for 10 years & it just gets worse & more vulgar by the day! I have begged him to at least stop doing it in my pressence but then he only does it more to tick me off. If I hear the (F) word one more time I'm gonna explode. It's so unneccessary.
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DawnP
08-12-2002, 08:58 PM
Hi Donnamay,
In a healthy marriage couples try and regard each other's feelings. They work together towards both parties being happy. I am curious...Is this how he responds when you tell other things that he might have done that bother you? I mean, does he do more of those things just to bother you?
It is imortant to let him know why his swearing bothers you. Perhaps he feels controlled. Is it just a bad habit? I do think he should try to change it - even just in front of you if he cares about you and your feelings.
The best to you!
Dawn
In a healthy marriage couples try and regard each other's feelings. They work together towards both parties being happy. I am curious...Is this how he responds when you tell other things that he might have done that bother you? I mean, does he do more of those things just to bother you?
It is imortant to let him know why his swearing bothers you. Perhaps he feels controlled. Is it just a bad habit? I do think he should try to change it - even just in front of you if he cares about you and your feelings.
The best to you!
Dawn
AshleeD
08-13-2002, 01:16 AM
I don't think cussing is that bad unless it is directed at YOU or towards someone you care about/know, etc. Sorry if this offends you, I don't mean it to, but some people were raised cussing, and were allowed to cuss (not saying this is the case of your husband). It can be pretty hard to stop cussing sometimes. I think when the F word is used sexually, it can be quite rude and inconsiderate...but when it is used...for example...like this: "This ******* T.V. won't work!" is not as nasty as "I just want to ****" or "**** you"...see the difference? If it bothers you, however, you should tell him and seriously talk to him about it and make sure he understands that you DO NOT like it. I guess cussing and whether you think it's OK or unnecessary has a lot to do with how you were raised and in what type of environment (btw, I don't mean a bad one, just an environment where you were around people who cussed quite often). Hope this helps and I'm praying I didn't offend you :) That'd be bad http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_down.gif Take care, hun. And let him know you want to put an end to this since it DOES bother you.
*Ash* http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Troublesome Trio #1 http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
*Ash* http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Troublesome Trio #1 http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
nicola76
08-14-2002, 06:33 AM
Hi Donnamay,
I know exactly where you're coming from. My future sis-in-law has the most vulgar mouth I have ever heard. I don't know where she got it from because nobody else in the family (including my fiance) swears. Every other word out of her mouth in "f*ck" or "c*unt". The fact that she's a mother of two somehow makes it even nastier (she uses this language in front of the kids).
Here's a suggestion that may seem a bit silly but has actually worked for some people. Have heard of a swear jar? Get a big ole jar and make your hubby put in a dollar everytime he swears. I actually got this idea reading "Dear Abby" several years ago. Its suppose to work. *fingers crossed*
The other thing I can think of to do is just completely ignore him. Like, if he's talking to you or asking you something and filling the statement with swear words just ignore him. Then when he asks why you're ignoring him just say, "I'll respond to you when you speak a little nicer to me." Maybe that will inspire him to clean up his language a bit.
Well I hoped this helped a little. Take care and good luck!
Nic :wave:
I know exactly where you're coming from. My future sis-in-law has the most vulgar mouth I have ever heard. I don't know where she got it from because nobody else in the family (including my fiance) swears. Every other word out of her mouth in "f*ck" or "c*unt". The fact that she's a mother of two somehow makes it even nastier (she uses this language in front of the kids).
Here's a suggestion that may seem a bit silly but has actually worked for some people. Have heard of a swear jar? Get a big ole jar and make your hubby put in a dollar everytime he swears. I actually got this idea reading "Dear Abby" several years ago. Its suppose to work. *fingers crossed*
The other thing I can think of to do is just completely ignore him. Like, if he's talking to you or asking you something and filling the statement with swear words just ignore him. Then when he asks why you're ignoring him just say, "I'll respond to you when you speak a little nicer to me." Maybe that will inspire him to clean up his language a bit.
Well I hoped this helped a little. Take care and good luck!
Nic :wave:
drs
08-15-2002, 12:29 PM
Tell him swear words are for people that can't think of more intelligent words to use....or like nic says ignore him. People hate to be ignored. I've heard of the swear jar, but it was a quarter that I heard about not a dollar. Fricken or frick is whats used alot around here...it's much nicer to the ears...I hate the F word too. But I can tolerate frick. LOL.
Challenge your man to see if he can keep from putting a quarter in the jar....guys prefer a challenge to and order...they just want to challenge the order to stop. You see?
The poster that said he should be more considerate is right, he should, but if he's not...you'll need to find other avenues that will work for you.
Is he a good guy otherwise, or are there lots of diff. problems besides this with you two? Diana
Challenge your man to see if he can keep from putting a quarter in the jar....guys prefer a challenge to and order...they just want to challenge the order to stop. You see?
The poster that said he should be more considerate is right, he should, but if he's not...you'll need to find other avenues that will work for you.
Is he a good guy otherwise, or are there lots of diff. problems besides this with you two? Diana
drs
08-20-2002, 01:16 AM
So, Donnamay, do you have any kind of plan in mind yet. Even if you don't you can vent here...OK? Maybe some kind of solution will turn up through your venting....or at least you will feel better getting it all out. Diana
snoops1977
08-21-2002, 11:32 PM
Cussing is alot to do with the people your around. I know I don't cuss alot actually not hardly at all, but when I'm around people that cuss every word sometimes mine just slips out. So what is his buddies like or coworkers do they all just sit around and look studly by cursing every breath? I know it is hard because I stay on my husband as well, but he is getting better!!
Good Luck and God Bless!!
Good Luck and God Bless!!
donnamay
08-28-2002, 03:33 AM
I really appreciate all relpies to this post. Let me just say I really love my husband for the man I wed. But, and a big BUT, he has become another person lately. If I had to discribe him NOW it would gross you out as it does me. Farts at will. Cusses like a sailor. ( my apologies to sailors that have a clean mouth) Absolutely short tempered. Prefers BJ's over love making. Refuses to do even the most vauge choir I request of him. He drinks profusely & we have lost numerous friends due to his " it's my birthday" everynight attitude. I;'ve posted on AA boards to no avail. I';ve told him iof he can't talk the way he does to me in front of his sister or mother he should not talk that way around me. He evidently thinks less of me to continue hos vulgarity. I'm so sad & being unable to work myself ( post op 3 months surgery) I feel stuck. I thank you all for your suggestions but tonight I'm evidently just a b.t.hing c..t & should grow up.
drs
08-28-2002, 10:18 PM
Donnamay, it's sounds like such an awful spot you are in, how long have you been married? Three months post op from what? If you don't mind me asking...I feel for you, come here and get your anger out of your system. Good to hear you are going to AA. I hope you are doing better, do not be afraid of coming to the boards and venting, OK? Best wishes to you, Diana PS, I just saw you have been married for 10 yrs.
[This message has been edited by drs (edited 08-28-2002).]
[This message has been edited by drs (edited 08-28-2002).]