HumbleMan10248
08-19-2002, 02:41 AM
hi
i like/fancy an acquitance of mine a woman ive met but i dont know how to actually tell her i like her. I mean please understand it is a sensitive situation as our professional relationship is like that of a counsellor i.e she is a sort of counsellor to me. I feel a mutual attraction on both sides but firstly i dont even know if she's got a boyfreind or if she's even married. I mean i cant just ask her out right if shes married etc because that way she will know why
im asking those questions. I mean beacuse there is a professional relationship between us so i dont feel comfortable saying or asking personal questions like that. You may say flirt but i mean how do i flirt we are not in a club or bar i mean we are both talking to each other so i cant chat her up so to speak so i dunno please any advice would be appreciated.
Humble
i like/fancy an acquitance of mine a woman ive met but i dont know how to actually tell her i like her. I mean please understand it is a sensitive situation as our professional relationship is like that of a counsellor i.e she is a sort of counsellor to me. I feel a mutual attraction on both sides but firstly i dont even know if she's got a boyfreind or if she's even married. I mean i cant just ask her out right if shes married etc because that way she will know why
im asking those questions. I mean beacuse there is a professional relationship between us so i dont feel comfortable saying or asking personal questions like that. You may say flirt but i mean how do i flirt we are not in a club or bar i mean we are both talking to each other so i cant chat her up so to speak so i dunno please any advice would be appreciated.
Humble
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dsheldon3
08-19-2002, 12:40 PM
What kind of counselor is she? Maybe you could ask her ! She will not know that it is actually HER that you are talking about and this way you will know exactly how to handle the situation as SHE was the one who gave you the advice.
MelNor
08-19-2002, 03:39 PM
Wow...awesome advise (above) I would have never thought of that!! LOL
Just be careful that what you are feeling is really a loving feeling for her and not simply out of respect for her stature.(sp?)
It is very common to develop feelings for this type of influential person, same as a student who develops a crush on a teacher. I am in the process of studing social work and there will be a section coming up where this exact topic is examined. I guess it must happen a lot???
Just be careful that what you are feeling is really a loving feeling for her and not simply out of respect for her stature.(sp?)
It is very common to develop feelings for this type of influential person, same as a student who develops a crush on a teacher. I am in the process of studing social work and there will be a section coming up where this exact topic is examined. I guess it must happen a lot???
HumbleMan10248
08-25-2002, 10:50 PM
thanks to both of you for your responses, but lol im not sure what u sheldon was geting at if u can elaborate i would be grateful well i know she is a drugs counselor as i have had problems with drugs...so she is not a shrink so to speak...however i take your point about the feelings may be a crush ...but in all honesty if i ran into this woman in a club or in any other walk of life id like her and would wnat to get to kno her better i basically fancied her from the very start and the feelings have grown the more i have got to know her...so i dont think its a crush or infatutaion..
thing is what im struggling with at the moment is that i think she likes me cos she flirts with me (i know when a woman is flitting with me) but i also know that flirting with me does not mean she genuniley likes me cos in the past ive found women to flirt wth me just for the attention and the ego boost they get from it ..my quesion is how do i know or how can i tell her feelings may be genuine....
the original question about how i can let her know i like her has been taken care of cos i feel she already knows i like her cos ive made it sort of obvous by flirting and even though the environment is a professional one she always makes sure we have time for small talk and she actually initiates the small talk which gives me the opportunity to talk to her on a more personal level....just that now im worried cos i have had few bad relatiosnhips in the past and i dont want to get hurt again so at the moment i dont fully trust what is happening which makes me keep my distance at the same time as trying to flirt with her cos i like her to bits...anyway thanks for reading this and hope to get a few responses if possible cos id be very grateful if i do. :)
Humble
thing is what im struggling with at the moment is that i think she likes me cos she flirts with me (i know when a woman is flitting with me) but i also know that flirting with me does not mean she genuniley likes me cos in the past ive found women to flirt wth me just for the attention and the ego boost they get from it ..my quesion is how do i know or how can i tell her feelings may be genuine....
the original question about how i can let her know i like her has been taken care of cos i feel she already knows i like her cos ive made it sort of obvous by flirting and even though the environment is a professional one she always makes sure we have time for small talk and she actually initiates the small talk which gives me the opportunity to talk to her on a more personal level....just that now im worried cos i have had few bad relatiosnhips in the past and i dont want to get hurt again so at the moment i dont fully trust what is happening which makes me keep my distance at the same time as trying to flirt with her cos i like her to bits...anyway thanks for reading this and hope to get a few responses if possible cos id be very grateful if i do. :)
Humble
*SoccerMom*
08-26-2002, 09:16 AM
Hi Humble~
I think that since she is your counselor, she is off limits. It is unprofessional. Sometimes when people are going through various types of counselling or treatment, it is natural to feel these feelings towards their counselor. The therapy becomes an open and loving "relationship". It may be that if you had met her somewhere else, she may have been truly "THE ONE". The situation should be looked upon as a doctor/patient one though. Her "flirting" may be just a way for her to express friendliness...or she may just be the type that comes across flirty. I just feel that you can be setting yourself up for a bad heartbreak if you continue on....what did she say about you flirting with her? I just think that if you feel the situation is not that of a counselor/patient you are not being fair with yourself. Ask to be changed to another counselor that will be able to deal with your drug addiction. That is your #1 reason for being there. And who knows? If it is meant to be, it may happen in the future. Best of Luck!
I think that since she is your counselor, she is off limits. It is unprofessional. Sometimes when people are going through various types of counselling or treatment, it is natural to feel these feelings towards their counselor. The therapy becomes an open and loving "relationship". It may be that if you had met her somewhere else, she may have been truly "THE ONE". The situation should be looked upon as a doctor/patient one though. Her "flirting" may be just a way for her to express friendliness...or she may just be the type that comes across flirty. I just feel that you can be setting yourself up for a bad heartbreak if you continue on....what did she say about you flirting with her? I just think that if you feel the situation is not that of a counselor/patient you are not being fair with yourself. Ask to be changed to another counselor that will be able to deal with your drug addiction. That is your #1 reason for being there. And who knows? If it is meant to be, it may happen in the future. Best of Luck!
dsheldon3
08-27-2002, 09:38 PM
Hmmm, If you REALLY REALLY like this woman and simply can NOT get her off your mind, First, talk to her about herself whenever you get a chance.Gather as much information about her as you can from talking to her.Think of ways you can get her to talk about places she hangs out.Once you have gathered ALL the information you can get about her find another job so you will not be able to go to counseling anymore or (some other reason ) Then, let some time pass and start going to the places she hangs out at and accidentally bump into her .Now that you two will no longer be obligated to a professional relationship you can maybe ask her out for lunch,coffee, or whatever.
mydog8mybrain
08-28-2002, 10:09 AM
Get a wall up as soon as you can. You are dancing with the devil. A good many people in this field are recovering addicts themselves (I duuno, seems to be some unwritten requirement in that field). If that is the case do more than build a wall. Run fast.
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Be nice to your kids.... They will choose your nursing home.
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Be nice to your kids.... They will choose your nursing home.
lfantell
08-28-2002, 10:54 PM
I see a counselor (not a drug counselor). I am a woman and she is and she would not even except a gift of flowers that I grew myself. I think of her as a friend, during a session we joke and laugh and make small talk amongst everything else.
By law, and it probably varies from state to state, a counselor can't date a client or even have a relationship outside of counseling.
By law, and it probably varies from state to state, a counselor can't date a client or even have a relationship outside of counseling.
HumbleMan10248
08-29-2002, 10:58 PM
LOL dsheldon umm thanks for the advice but i dont think
ill go to all that trouble just to date her lol...but i do appreciate your advice tho..
to the rest let me just say counsellors are human too i mean she may have feeings for me but if your right about the LAW thing then ok nothing probabaly will actully happen..however im in the UK my understanding is the LAW applies to therapists not drug counsellors.
and ummm about her having ulterior motives i mean please what else can she be after my money???????
im an unemployed loser junkie so it surely cant be my money lol then again maybe she's sorry for me eh?
also she aint a recovering addict either we have talked about her back ground she is actully a nurse
by profession she does this drug counselling part time or as temporay work.
anyway all this is just confusing me more so im gonna just leave it and go with the flow...and just to test the waters when i feel ready i will actully ask her out for a beer (if i think its worth it at the time) and that way i will know for sure if she can or cannot date her clients till then ill shut up about this cos all I get is negative responses i know u all are trying to help with your suggestions but its just doing my head in. Later.
"Romance is Dead"
Humble Man
ill go to all that trouble just to date her lol...but i do appreciate your advice tho..
to the rest let me just say counsellors are human too i mean she may have feeings for me but if your right about the LAW thing then ok nothing probabaly will actully happen..however im in the UK my understanding is the LAW applies to therapists not drug counsellors.
and ummm about her having ulterior motives i mean please what else can she be after my money???????
im an unemployed loser junkie so it surely cant be my money lol then again maybe she's sorry for me eh?
also she aint a recovering addict either we have talked about her back ground she is actully a nurse
by profession she does this drug counselling part time or as temporay work.
anyway all this is just confusing me more so im gonna just leave it and go with the flow...and just to test the waters when i feel ready i will actully ask her out for a beer (if i think its worth it at the time) and that way i will know for sure if she can or cannot date her clients till then ill shut up about this cos all I get is negative responses i know u all are trying to help with your suggestions but its just doing my head in. Later.
"Romance is Dead"
Humble Man
mydog8mybrain
08-30-2002, 09:21 AM
Hey bucko. If she's not a recovering addict then that is good. If you have no cash then obviously she is not after the money.
Good luck. Guard your heart.
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Be nice to your kids.... They will choose your nursing home.
Good luck. Guard your heart.
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Be nice to your kids.... They will choose your nursing home.