Kadree
08-20-2002, 06:04 PM
This is going to take a while to explain,so please, bear with me.
From the time I was in grade 3 I had this huge crush on this boy that was four years older than me. Throughout the years we dated on and off. We had other relationships but we always seemed to find each other again. I had other boyfriends, but the minute that I knew that he was back in town that was it for me. No one else existed when we were together. Eventually he moved further away and wouldn't exactly give me the commitment that I was looking for. A while later I moved in with a guy who later became my husband. I had a business trip to the city where he lived (before I was married) and ended up staying at his place. Although nothing happened, we sat up talking and catching up I miss the feeling that I had with him. He wanted me to move to the city that he lived in and promised me a wonderful life. I think that I was very afraid to do this because he wouldn't commit before that. So instead I came home and got married and now I have two children. I haven't stopped thinking about him or dreaming about him. Now my marriage is falling apart, my husband is very emotionally and verbally abusive. I am thinking about this other guy constantly. My question is this: does this sound like something that was meant to be, and my body is finally letting me feel again. wanting me to know what love really feels like? Or am I dreaming- you know-the grass is greener on the other side? By the way this other guy is not married and has never married. Please give me some advice. Inside I feel like a lovesick teenager again and I don't even know if this other guy will talk to me.
From the time I was in grade 3 I had this huge crush on this boy that was four years older than me. Throughout the years we dated on and off. We had other relationships but we always seemed to find each other again. I had other boyfriends, but the minute that I knew that he was back in town that was it for me. No one else existed when we were together. Eventually he moved further away and wouldn't exactly give me the commitment that I was looking for. A while later I moved in with a guy who later became my husband. I had a business trip to the city where he lived (before I was married) and ended up staying at his place. Although nothing happened, we sat up talking and catching up I miss the feeling that I had with him. He wanted me to move to the city that he lived in and promised me a wonderful life. I think that I was very afraid to do this because he wouldn't commit before that. So instead I came home and got married and now I have two children. I haven't stopped thinking about him or dreaming about him. Now my marriage is falling apart, my husband is very emotionally and verbally abusive. I am thinking about this other guy constantly. My question is this: does this sound like something that was meant to be, and my body is finally letting me feel again. wanting me to know what love really feels like? Or am I dreaming- you know-the grass is greener on the other side? By the way this other guy is not married and has never married. Please give me some advice. Inside I feel like a lovesick teenager again and I don't even know if this other guy will talk to me.
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star508
08-20-2002, 08:12 PM
Well, I think there's two parts to your story. First, if your husband is abusive to you, get yourself and your children out of that house! If it's temporary stress, perhaps you could stay at your family's or a friend's house for a while. If it's been going on/will go on forever, get your family's help or someone from the outside, but you shouldn't have to go through that and neither should your children.
The second part then, is this guy. I think there's nothing lost by calling him up and spending some time together, even as friends. If the feelings between you will be mutual, it might be the beginnings of a wonderful relationship. On the other hand, don't run to him because you're having problems with your present husband. Also, decide what you and your husband are doing - are you going to try to work through your problems? Are you going your separate ways?
Basically, when you're clear on what you want for yourself and your children and you're in a stable situation, then go pursue this guy! That's what I think. :)
The second part then, is this guy. I think there's nothing lost by calling him up and spending some time together, even as friends. If the feelings between you will be mutual, it might be the beginnings of a wonderful relationship. On the other hand, don't run to him because you're having problems with your present husband. Also, decide what you and your husband are doing - are you going to try to work through your problems? Are you going your separate ways?
Basically, when you're clear on what you want for yourself and your children and you're in a stable situation, then go pursue this guy! That's what I think. :)
MelNor
08-20-2002, 08:49 PM
Wow...that is a long time to be in love with someone and that says something in itself!
I totally feel for u...you have to do the right thing first and get out of the abusive marriage. If he is abusive now imagine what he will be like if u go ahead and meet your ex bf behind his back and he finds out!!
Also it is very harmful for children to be in situations where someone is getting abused!
I think just reading your post I can see that you are ready to get out and good for u!!
As for the long time love you have for the other guy...I would say, get out of the situation then go for it!! Maybe he is your key to great happiness!
I totally feel for u...you have to do the right thing first and get out of the abusive marriage. If he is abusive now imagine what he will be like if u go ahead and meet your ex bf behind his back and he finds out!!
Also it is very harmful for children to be in situations where someone is getting abused!
I think just reading your post I can see that you are ready to get out and good for u!!
As for the long time love you have for the other guy...I would say, get out of the situation then go for it!! Maybe he is your key to great happiness!
Kadree
08-21-2002, 12:49 PM
Hi Guys,
A little update on my stoy. Sent an e mail to the other guy and haven't yet heard back. Waiting patiently. On the other hand my husband has decided that he wants to work things out. I have heard that so many times before and I can't even bring myself to believe it. And I'm not quite sure if I want to. I feel so empty inside when I think about our relationship and I want something more. Then I think about the kids and how much they love their daddy, and my house and my car, everything that I have worked so hard to achieve and it is a very scary feeling to know that I will have to give all of that up. One part of me is telling me to stay where I feel most comfortable and another part is telling me to go for it, that this is the only life that I get to live. And shouldn't I try making myself happy for once instead of everybody else?
A little update on my stoy. Sent an e mail to the other guy and haven't yet heard back. Waiting patiently. On the other hand my husband has decided that he wants to work things out. I have heard that so many times before and I can't even bring myself to believe it. And I'm not quite sure if I want to. I feel so empty inside when I think about our relationship and I want something more. Then I think about the kids and how much they love their daddy, and my house and my car, everything that I have worked so hard to achieve and it is a very scary feeling to know that I will have to give all of that up. One part of me is telling me to stay where I feel most comfortable and another part is telling me to go for it, that this is the only life that I get to live. And shouldn't I try making myself happy for once instead of everybody else?
*SoccerMom*
08-21-2002, 01:38 PM
Kadree~
I would like to give you my ideas. I am not a professional by any means and often times, I have been about at wits end in my own marriage. I just have found that marriages really are WORK sometimes. First of all though, you do NOT have to live in a abusive relationship. That is the most devastating thing...it makes you lose your self-esteem and then for some reason you will feel that you cannot do better! Know what I mean? If your husband really wants the marriage to work, insist that he seeks councelling. It is easy when things seem to be falling down around us to have that "grass is greener" feeling. I am not saying that it couldn't work with the "old flame" but I think to give your marriage 100% you need to put that out of your mind for now. I used to look around me and think that all my friends had these perfect storybook marriages but then I discovered the truth. We all have to work on marriage issues (being open with each other, showing love and affection, TRUST!!,telling truth..even when it is painful, and resolving issues) Don't know if we ever really perfect those things but it sure makes your marriage easier when you are willing to try.
Take your time with that "old flame" issue.Sometimes what we think is there is only because we so desperately want to feel that way again.... ;) Just take care of yourself and those children. Remember that YOU deserve to be happy :) :) :)
**Sorry it is so long...I cannot figure how everyone else can have these marvelous answers in a few lines. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif I cannot get my point across like that
I would like to give you my ideas. I am not a professional by any means and often times, I have been about at wits end in my own marriage. I just have found that marriages really are WORK sometimes. First of all though, you do NOT have to live in a abusive relationship. That is the most devastating thing...it makes you lose your self-esteem and then for some reason you will feel that you cannot do better! Know what I mean? If your husband really wants the marriage to work, insist that he seeks councelling. It is easy when things seem to be falling down around us to have that "grass is greener" feeling. I am not saying that it couldn't work with the "old flame" but I think to give your marriage 100% you need to put that out of your mind for now. I used to look around me and think that all my friends had these perfect storybook marriages but then I discovered the truth. We all have to work on marriage issues (being open with each other, showing love and affection, TRUST!!,telling truth..even when it is painful, and resolving issues) Don't know if we ever really perfect those things but it sure makes your marriage easier when you are willing to try.
Take your time with that "old flame" issue.Sometimes what we think is there is only because we so desperately want to feel that way again.... ;) Just take care of yourself and those children. Remember that YOU deserve to be happy :) :) :)
**Sorry it is so long...I cannot figure how everyone else can have these marvelous answers in a few lines. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif I cannot get my point across like that
Kadree
08-21-2002, 05:37 PM
Soccermom,
Thak you so much for your reply. The thing for me is that I want so desperately to be in love again. I want those old feelings back, and you are probably right, I want so desperately for the "old flame" to have the same feelings that he did then. I don't even know if that is possible anymore. I just want to be needed and loved and I feel like I am not getting that at home and it has just been way too long. I 've tried a million times to get my husband to go to counselling with me and he refuses. I just need a little time to figure out where I am suppose to go from here.
Talk to you soon
Kadree
Thak you so much for your reply. The thing for me is that I want so desperately to be in love again. I want those old feelings back, and you are probably right, I want so desperately for the "old flame" to have the same feelings that he did then. I don't even know if that is possible anymore. I just want to be needed and loved and I feel like I am not getting that at home and it has just been way too long. I 've tried a million times to get my husband to go to counselling with me and he refuses. I just need a little time to figure out where I am suppose to go from here.
Talk to you soon
Kadree
maybelle
08-21-2002, 06:40 PM
Kadree,
If this might be the love of your life, why is he not responding to your email? How long has it been since you sent it? I think if he was afraid of committment then, he probably still is considering he is not married yet..maybe somethings about a person don't change. But I think that if you feel so strongly about this guy then try to get intouch with him and try not to romantacise it and stay grounded with him - that way you may come to an answer.
If this might be the love of your life, why is he not responding to your email? How long has it been since you sent it? I think if he was afraid of committment then, he probably still is considering he is not married yet..maybe somethings about a person don't change. But I think that if you feel so strongly about this guy then try to get intouch with him and try not to romantacise it and stay grounded with him - that way you may come to an answer.
*SoccerMom*
08-21-2002, 09:38 PM
hi kadree~
girl, i know so much how you feel. my husband and i struggle with those same ("i want things back like they were!") feelings. i didn't know for a long time that he felt the same way. i have 3 children and it is so easy to get stuck in the "mommy" role too. i just sort of forgot what it was like to be the "HOT WIFE" ;)
i had posted before about how we all speak different "love languages". my husband and i became where we didn't even understand what we were saying to each other. i talked about the stress and pressures of being with the children (messy house, laundry piles, homework!!) but he thought i was upset with him for not helping. i just wanted him to listen! ya' know? it was really hard. on the other hand, he worried about money and thought he wasn't able to provide for us like he should...it was hard to make him understand that i was HAPPY and we have a nice home, cars and etc but that wasn't the issue.i thought he wanted me to go back to work where we could be making a lot more money. it just caused (and sometimes still does) havoc on our relationship.
you mentioned verbal abuse and i DO NOT want you to take this wrong. maybe that is the way that he reacts to his stress...i dunno!? just a thought, but it doesn't excuse his behavior---he needs to come to grips with that before you can work on the other stuff.
take care~
*SoccerMom*
[This message has been edited by *SoccerMom* (edited 08-21-2002).]
girl, i know so much how you feel. my husband and i struggle with those same ("i want things back like they were!") feelings. i didn't know for a long time that he felt the same way. i have 3 children and it is so easy to get stuck in the "mommy" role too. i just sort of forgot what it was like to be the "HOT WIFE" ;)
i had posted before about how we all speak different "love languages". my husband and i became where we didn't even understand what we were saying to each other. i talked about the stress and pressures of being with the children (messy house, laundry piles, homework!!) but he thought i was upset with him for not helping. i just wanted him to listen! ya' know? it was really hard. on the other hand, he worried about money and thought he wasn't able to provide for us like he should...it was hard to make him understand that i was HAPPY and we have a nice home, cars and etc but that wasn't the issue.i thought he wanted me to go back to work where we could be making a lot more money. it just caused (and sometimes still does) havoc on our relationship.
you mentioned verbal abuse and i DO NOT want you to take this wrong. maybe that is the way that he reacts to his stress...i dunno!? just a thought, but it doesn't excuse his behavior---he needs to come to grips with that before you can work on the other stuff.
take care~
*SoccerMom*
[This message has been edited by *SoccerMom* (edited 08-21-2002).]
proudmommy
08-22-2002, 09:08 AM
Kadree:
hi,...this is my first post,..but after reading yours,..i have tosay im in the SAME situation. I have been married for 3 years (im 28),..have this amazing little girl,..but i am SO unhappy in my marriage! mu husband works SO much i never see him,..sure we have a beautiful house,..cars,..and yes i am able to stay home with my daughter,..but him and i have NOTHING together,..we dont even speak to each other anymore. I stya because of the thought of being a single mom having to work full time and stick my daughter in day care makes absolutley sick to my stomach,..so instead i just stay,...i guess i am just numb to the situation. Anyways,..sorry i didnt help much,...just thought it would be nice for you to know that there are others out there that feel the same as you do!! thanks for listening!!!!!!!
hi,...this is my first post,..but after reading yours,..i have tosay im in the SAME situation. I have been married for 3 years (im 28),..have this amazing little girl,..but i am SO unhappy in my marriage! mu husband works SO much i never see him,..sure we have a beautiful house,..cars,..and yes i am able to stay home with my daughter,..but him and i have NOTHING together,..we dont even speak to each other anymore. I stya because of the thought of being a single mom having to work full time and stick my daughter in day care makes absolutley sick to my stomach,..so instead i just stay,...i guess i am just numb to the situation. Anyways,..sorry i didnt help much,...just thought it would be nice for you to know that there are others out there that feel the same as you do!! thanks for listening!!!!!!!
Kadree
08-22-2002, 12:46 PM
Hey Girls, (Maybelle, Soccermom and Proudmom)
There is a lot of stress at our house. The number one strain for me is something that I didn't mention before. My husband has an addiction to gambling. He is good for a while and then bang! out of the blue we have lost $1000 in an hour. My husband and I both work full time, but the money is still tight with a house, and vehicles, and all the other little things.
He has cried and said that he's sorry ( a number of times) and begged me to stay. So I stay. But I feel that instead of having two kids, I have three. He has no access to our money and I always have to know where he is going. I wanted my marriage to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. He albsolutely refuses to go to councelling, saying that he can "do it himself" when time and time again he has proven otherwise. I feel so betrayed and have no trust for him and I wonder if I will always feel this way. Or is it a sign when he refuses to get councilling for his addiction and for our marriage?
The other guy still has not responded to my e mail, don't know if he is on holidays or what. My message was very harmless, just a few lines telling him that I was wondering how he was doing and what he had been up to.
Anyways girls, there is the new little twist to my story. I need your input.
Talk to you soon
Kadree
There is a lot of stress at our house. The number one strain for me is something that I didn't mention before. My husband has an addiction to gambling. He is good for a while and then bang! out of the blue we have lost $1000 in an hour. My husband and I both work full time, but the money is still tight with a house, and vehicles, and all the other little things.
He has cried and said that he's sorry ( a number of times) and begged me to stay. So I stay. But I feel that instead of having two kids, I have three. He has no access to our money and I always have to know where he is going. I wanted my marriage to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. He albsolutely refuses to go to councelling, saying that he can "do it himself" when time and time again he has proven otherwise. I feel so betrayed and have no trust for him and I wonder if I will always feel this way. Or is it a sign when he refuses to get councilling for his addiction and for our marriage?
The other guy still has not responded to my e mail, don't know if he is on holidays or what. My message was very harmless, just a few lines telling him that I was wondering how he was doing and what he had been up to.
Anyways girls, there is the new little twist to my story. I need your input.
Talk to you soon
Kadree
*SoccerMom*
08-22-2002, 01:37 PM
Hi Kadree~
I think that his gambling issues explains a lot too. I really think that you should seek some sort of help on how to deal with approaching him about his addiction (gambler's anon. or something). I have a friend who was dealing with her hubby's gambling addiction. The thing with her was that she thought he was having an affair-- lots of unexplained bank withdrawls, unexplained time away, secretive phone calls, and finally, he started withdrawling from her. He slept in separate room and all! She finally found out when their house was about to be foreclosed due to nonpayment! They have had a tough 2 years but she is so fortunate to have her husband back. She sought help first...they also separated when she first found out! She was so hurt and angry! He went to counselling when he realized he was about to lose everything! NOT just material things, but his family too. She told me that a lot of gamblers don't even realize it when they lose it all.....it is "simply" the control of the addiction. Check around, and I hope you can find some added support for you and the kids.
*SoccerMom*
Kadree,
I just realized that I had responded to another one of your posts under "parenting issues"!....parents, my post there is begging for some HELP!! :D
[This message has been edited by *SoccerMom* (edited 08-22-2002).]
I think that his gambling issues explains a lot too. I really think that you should seek some sort of help on how to deal with approaching him about his addiction (gambler's anon. or something). I have a friend who was dealing with her hubby's gambling addiction. The thing with her was that she thought he was having an affair-- lots of unexplained bank withdrawls, unexplained time away, secretive phone calls, and finally, he started withdrawling from her. He slept in separate room and all! She finally found out when their house was about to be foreclosed due to nonpayment! They have had a tough 2 years but she is so fortunate to have her husband back. She sought help first...they also separated when she first found out! She was so hurt and angry! He went to counselling when he realized he was about to lose everything! NOT just material things, but his family too. She told me that a lot of gamblers don't even realize it when they lose it all.....it is "simply" the control of the addiction. Check around, and I hope you can find some added support for you and the kids.
*SoccerMom*
Kadree,
I just realized that I had responded to another one of your posts under "parenting issues"!....parents, my post there is begging for some HELP!! :D
[This message has been edited by *SoccerMom* (edited 08-22-2002).]
*SoccerMom*
08-22-2002, 01:42 PM
Proudmommy~
Welcome by the way!
:wave:
I can so relate to how you are feeling too!
*SoccerMom*
Welcome by the way!
:wave:
I can so relate to how you are feeling too!
*SoccerMom*
Kadree
08-22-2002, 04:17 PM
Hey Soccermom,
Thanks for responding so quickly. It is definitely hard for me to understand the addiction to gambling, because it isn't a problem for me. It's just a stupid machine and the odds are always stacked against you. I guess I can't really talk because I am a smoker, but at least with that you have an excuse, your body craves the nicotine. Where is the addictive substance with the VLT's, your ears need to hear the little bells sounding when you win some money? I just don't get it. I have posts all over this forum, especially in the anxiety and stress section. I've just got a lot on my plate right now, and one problem is just leading to another.
Trying to stay sane, it takes a lot of energy.
Take Care
Kadree
Thanks for responding so quickly. It is definitely hard for me to understand the addiction to gambling, because it isn't a problem for me. It's just a stupid machine and the odds are always stacked against you. I guess I can't really talk because I am a smoker, but at least with that you have an excuse, your body craves the nicotine. Where is the addictive substance with the VLT's, your ears need to hear the little bells sounding when you win some money? I just don't get it. I have posts all over this forum, especially in the anxiety and stress section. I've just got a lot on my plate right now, and one problem is just leading to another.
Trying to stay sane, it takes a lot of energy.
Take Care
Kadree
*SoccerMom*
08-23-2002, 12:02 AM
Kadree~
I think just like your body craves the nicotine, his is addicted to gambling...the high feeling or whatever.
I have posts everywhere too :) I am new so sometimes I don't think I understand what I am doing...I just post where I feel I may get some answers and reply when I feel like I can help or suggest...and I think some aren't too impressed by my lengthy posts. Sorry! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif
I think just like your body craves the nicotine, his is addicted to gambling...the high feeling or whatever.
I have posts everywhere too :) I am new so sometimes I don't think I understand what I am doing...I just post where I feel I may get some answers and reply when I feel like I can help or suggest...and I think some aren't too impressed by my lengthy posts. Sorry! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif
Kadree
08-23-2002, 12:34 PM
Good Morning Soccermom,
I have just been at the parenting post and I hope that you didn't take offence when I said don't "get in your son's face" I just remember when I was a teenager and my parents were always yelling about an inch from my face, and they made me feel more like I couldn't do it, instead of the opposite.
Positive reinforcement is the way to go.
Anyways, I guess I have nothing to add about my husband at this time, just that I find myself pushing him away and I know that he notices this also. I can't help it. It is just a natural defence now I guess to keep myself from getting hurt.
And Soccermom, don't feel bad at all for your long posts, that to me just shows that you are taking the time to sit down and take the time to offer me and the others your help.
Keep Smiling
Kadree
I have just been at the parenting post and I hope that you didn't take offence when I said don't "get in your son's face" I just remember when I was a teenager and my parents were always yelling about an inch from my face, and they made me feel more like I couldn't do it, instead of the opposite.
Positive reinforcement is the way to go.
Anyways, I guess I have nothing to add about my husband at this time, just that I find myself pushing him away and I know that he notices this also. I can't help it. It is just a natural defence now I guess to keep myself from getting hurt.
And Soccermom, don't feel bad at all for your long posts, that to me just shows that you are taking the time to sit down and take the time to offer me and the others your help.
Keep Smiling
Kadree
MelNor
08-23-2002, 01:27 PM
OMG.....I couldn't help but laugh about you girls saying you have posts all over this board!! I was feeling the same way...I kept thinking people would be saying...MAN this is one screwed up chick! LOL I think what it is is that one major problem seems to run into every area of your life...this is normal...ay least I hope it is! :-)
My hubby has an alcohol addiction in addition to the many other problems we are having and it just gets frustrating when he doesn't want to get help. Then people say for me to try going to alanon (sp) and I think to myself...why??? I don't have a problem with alcohol, if anything I should get help to try to figure out why I chose to have these kinds of people in my life...that would give me the control to take charge of my life instead of teaching me how to deal with others problems who are not even interested in changing. I do think alanon and other programs out there have been very helpful to people dealing with loved ones problems, its just resentment that someone who loves u puts u in a situation like that!
Venting people...sorry! LOL
Take care everyone!
My hubby has an alcohol addiction in addition to the many other problems we are having and it just gets frustrating when he doesn't want to get help. Then people say for me to try going to alanon (sp) and I think to myself...why??? I don't have a problem with alcohol, if anything I should get help to try to figure out why I chose to have these kinds of people in my life...that would give me the control to take charge of my life instead of teaching me how to deal with others problems who are not even interested in changing. I do think alanon and other programs out there have been very helpful to people dealing with loved ones problems, its just resentment that someone who loves u puts u in a situation like that!
Venting people...sorry! LOL
Take care everyone!
Kadree
08-23-2002, 02:22 PM
Hi Melnor,
I can relate to your problems and confusion with your husband. I can also say that I totally agree with your response to the Alnon etc. I think that he is the one screwing up my life, I'm the one that is the reasonable one. Why the heck should I go to these groups because as long as he is having these addictions then this problem will be in my life.
Why should I give up my free time to solve his problems? Especially when he is not willing to help himself!!
All my problems that are posted on this board, were in response to his troubles. The marriage troubles, the finicial troubles which all led to my anxiety and panic attacks, which led me to feeling physically unwell for a long time. And thern because of my constant headaches, aches etc., my ability to deal with my kids slowly diminished.
And then I am left with the same question as you. Why do I let people like this into my life?
Sorry Melnor, I have no quick solution for you, just wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through and I am here for you, to chat, and to vent.
Take care
Kadree
I can relate to your problems and confusion with your husband. I can also say that I totally agree with your response to the Alnon etc. I think that he is the one screwing up my life, I'm the one that is the reasonable one. Why the heck should I go to these groups because as long as he is having these addictions then this problem will be in my life.
Why should I give up my free time to solve his problems? Especially when he is not willing to help himself!!
All my problems that are posted on this board, were in response to his troubles. The marriage troubles, the finicial troubles which all led to my anxiety and panic attacks, which led me to feeling physically unwell for a long time. And thern because of my constant headaches, aches etc., my ability to deal with my kids slowly diminished.
And then I am left with the same question as you. Why do I let people like this into my life?
Sorry Melnor, I have no quick solution for you, just wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through and I am here for you, to chat, and to vent.
Take care
Kadree
MelNor
08-23-2002, 02:43 PM
God yes it is so much like what I am feeling...soon as I pushed the button to submit my post I was worried I was going to get bom-barded with people mad at me for what I said.
I know it is maybe not the best way of looking at it all sometimes but after so much bull you just seem to get hard. I can't really explain it and I don't expect anyone to understand unless they have been there.
Thanks for the offer of support and please know I am here for u as well! Where in Canada are u located? I have lived all over...NB-ONT-AB. I feel like the littlest hobo sometimes! LOL
I know it is maybe not the best way of looking at it all sometimes but after so much bull you just seem to get hard. I can't really explain it and I don't expect anyone to understand unless they have been there.
Thanks for the offer of support and please know I am here for u as well! Where in Canada are u located? I have lived all over...NB-ONT-AB. I feel like the littlest hobo sometimes! LOL
Kadree
08-23-2002, 04:15 PM
Melnor,
I am pretty sure we are feeling the exact same. There is no way to explain it, except that I feel numb when it comes to my relationship with my husband. It's kind of like I am stuck, I don't want the responsibility of being a single mom with two little kids. Yet, I can't see myself living like this for the rest of my life. And I don't know I'm not sure if I want to fix things with my husband anymore. I don't know what I want.
One thing though, about the coucilling-I have been seeing a therapist, and he is helping. First of all it started with me venting about my hubby, and now for the first time in a long time I feel like I have the strength to do what I need to do. I feel like I have that confidence about me again, and that feels good. I know somehow that I will be alright. It's more about working on myself than on anything. It 's somebody listening and offering non judgemental opinions from an outsider's point of view.
I live in a small town Alberta, about two and a half hours from Calgary.
I really like talking with you, and it's nice knowing there is somebody so close.
Keep me posted
Kadree
I am pretty sure we are feeling the exact same. There is no way to explain it, except that I feel numb when it comes to my relationship with my husband. It's kind of like I am stuck, I don't want the responsibility of being a single mom with two little kids. Yet, I can't see myself living like this for the rest of my life. And I don't know I'm not sure if I want to fix things with my husband anymore. I don't know what I want.
One thing though, about the coucilling-I have been seeing a therapist, and he is helping. First of all it started with me venting about my hubby, and now for the first time in a long time I feel like I have the strength to do what I need to do. I feel like I have that confidence about me again, and that feels good. I know somehow that I will be alright. It's more about working on myself than on anything. It 's somebody listening and offering non judgemental opinions from an outsider's point of view.
I live in a small town Alberta, about two and a half hours from Calgary.
I really like talking with you, and it's nice knowing there is somebody so close.
Keep me posted
Kadree
MelNor
08-23-2002, 04:47 PM
I am glad the therapist is helping you. I don't know anyone here in Calgary (closely) and its very lonely. I think sometimes I kind of shut people out because of all the crap I am dealing with and I don't want to get anyone else involved so these boards have been fabulous!
I find it odd that the people I do have some contact with here are always complaining about one thing or another in their relationships and then they comment that I would not know what they mean because I am so lucky to be in such a great relationship. It kinda make me laugh.....MAN...if they only knew!
How old are u?? I am 31 now and besides my child I feel I pretty much feel I have wasted so much of my life being unhappy. I feel like you about the fear of being alone as a single mom. But I have done it before and I survived it. I guess sometimes I get wrapped up in the desire to have a happy marriage, nice things, big house, etc. etc. that I overlook reality! :-(
I really feel a good connection with you..seems we have an awful lot in common!
I find it odd that the people I do have some contact with here are always complaining about one thing or another in their relationships and then they comment that I would not know what they mean because I am so lucky to be in such a great relationship. It kinda make me laugh.....MAN...if they only knew!
How old are u?? I am 31 now and besides my child I feel I pretty much feel I have wasted so much of my life being unhappy. I feel like you about the fear of being alone as a single mom. But I have done it before and I survived it. I guess sometimes I get wrapped up in the desire to have a happy marriage, nice things, big house, etc. etc. that I overlook reality! :-(
I really feel a good connection with you..seems we have an awful lot in common!
Kadree
08-23-2002, 05:46 PM
Melnor,
I am 25 and the mother of two children. People also think that I have it so good. Both my husband and myself have good jobs, nice car, and we just bought a brand new house. And everyone thinks my hubby is so nice! I just wish they could be a fly on the wall behind closed doors. He is nice when he wants to be. And at those times I start to think maybe I can do this, maybe this time will be different. But, when I look back in my journal over the past few years of my life, there is nothing but unhappiness and complaining about my situation. Then I think to myself " when I am 80 yrs old, do I want to look back at my life and see what a waste it was?"
I want it to be full of accomplishments and happy times, and the joys of my life. That is why the other guy started looking so good to me. I remember how it was, and there were no responsibilities, and how I felt with him. I just want those feelings back again, I want the rush and the butterflies. I think I want to start over.
I love chatting with you Melnor, finally someone that can relate to my situation!
One thing that I have definately learned is to never judge a book by it's cover. Just because someone looks so perfect on the outside dosen't mean that they are not falling apart on the inside.
We must be pretty strong chicks Melnor, to be hurting this much inside and looking so well on the outside.
Take Care
Kadree
I am 25 and the mother of two children. People also think that I have it so good. Both my husband and myself have good jobs, nice car, and we just bought a brand new house. And everyone thinks my hubby is so nice! I just wish they could be a fly on the wall behind closed doors. He is nice when he wants to be. And at those times I start to think maybe I can do this, maybe this time will be different. But, when I look back in my journal over the past few years of my life, there is nothing but unhappiness and complaining about my situation. Then I think to myself " when I am 80 yrs old, do I want to look back at my life and see what a waste it was?"
I want it to be full of accomplishments and happy times, and the joys of my life. That is why the other guy started looking so good to me. I remember how it was, and there were no responsibilities, and how I felt with him. I just want those feelings back again, I want the rush and the butterflies. I think I want to start over.
I love chatting with you Melnor, finally someone that can relate to my situation!
One thing that I have definately learned is to never judge a book by it's cover. Just because someone looks so perfect on the outside dosen't mean that they are not falling apart on the inside.
We must be pretty strong chicks Melnor, to be hurting this much inside and looking so well on the outside.
Take Care
Kadree
*SoccerMom*
08-24-2002, 12:52 AM
I had to LOL at Mel's reply about "screwed up chick". I know that people think that too when they see my posts!
You know me,Kadree! I gotta add my two cents worth! I just wanted to add that I understand about you feeling that you are not the one with the problem so your husband needs to be the one to go for help...it is just that sometimes we do awful things to the ones we love, ya' know? I think it would help if you would look at this as a disease instead of him rebelling against you. I know that you would never just give up on someone because they were sick...i don't want you to get upset with me. I just want to let you see it in another way. I understand your frustration. My reason for searching on Healthboards was to help me deal with my husband's bipolar disorder. He just refused to get help and didn't even want to deal with the problem. <<It's just that when I got here and started reading the other posts, I realized how screwed up I AM!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif LOL>> I was so frustrated and angry with him all the time. Since I posted here originally, I realized how little I know about his disease. I have found a bipolar group at a local church that accepts loved ones so I am going! I want my husband healthy and I want to know how to help him to be that way. I have never lived with an alcoholic but my mother was addicted to gambling....BINGO, no doubt! I am sure that you are ROTF LOL but it was true. THAT IS ANOTHER STORY!! :)
You know me,Kadree! I gotta add my two cents worth! I just wanted to add that I understand about you feeling that you are not the one with the problem so your husband needs to be the one to go for help...it is just that sometimes we do awful things to the ones we love, ya' know? I think it would help if you would look at this as a disease instead of him rebelling against you. I know that you would never just give up on someone because they were sick...i don't want you to get upset with me. I just want to let you see it in another way. I understand your frustration. My reason for searching on Healthboards was to help me deal with my husband's bipolar disorder. He just refused to get help and didn't even want to deal with the problem. <<It's just that when I got here and started reading the other posts, I realized how screwed up I AM!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif LOL>> I was so frustrated and angry with him all the time. Since I posted here originally, I realized how little I know about his disease. I have found a bipolar group at a local church that accepts loved ones so I am going! I want my husband healthy and I want to know how to help him to be that way. I have never lived with an alcoholic but my mother was addicted to gambling....BINGO, no doubt! I am sure that you are ROTF LOL but it was true. THAT IS ANOTHER STORY!! :)
MelNor
08-26-2002, 12:35 PM
Hi Kadree, Just wondering how you made out on the weekend? My weekend was not too bad actually. A lot of tension on Thursday and Friday but I guess it kinda mellowed out on Saturday and Sunday. Good thing, I was ready to explode! LOL
Hope everything is ok with you,
Mel
Hope everything is ok with you,
Mel
Kadree
08-27-2002, 12:23 PM
Hey Soccermom and Mel,
My weekend went alright, I'm glad to hear that yours was OK too. The only major downfall of my weekend was that I had a MAJOR panic attack on Saturday night. It was the worst one in a long time and I started to feel like I was losing control again. My husband was gone all day Saturday and got home Sunday morning. Sunday, we never did much of anything, although he being very nice. Then on Monday, back to the same arguements all over again. Hope you both are doing well.
Talk to you soon
Kadree
My weekend went alright, I'm glad to hear that yours was OK too. The only major downfall of my weekend was that I had a MAJOR panic attack on Saturday night. It was the worst one in a long time and I started to feel like I was losing control again. My husband was gone all day Saturday and got home Sunday morning. Sunday, we never did much of anything, although he being very nice. Then on Monday, back to the same arguements all over again. Hope you both are doing well.
Talk to you soon
Kadree
rif
08-29-2002, 07:18 AM
Something that has helped me in this kind of situation is realizng that you can't change anyone, you can only change yourself.
Kadree
08-29-2002, 12:40 PM
Rif
Couldn't agree with you more. The one thing that I have realized (especially with my panic attacks) is that something inside ME has to change, before things get better. I need to stop looking at others for the solution and start looking inside myself.
Soccermom and Mel, hope you girls are doing alright.
Love and Best Wishes
Kadree
Couldn't agree with you more. The one thing that I have realized (especially with my panic attacks) is that something inside ME has to change, before things get better. I need to stop looking at others for the solution and start looking inside myself.
Soccermom and Mel, hope you girls are doing alright.
Love and Best Wishes
Kadree
MelNor
08-29-2002, 04:20 PM
Hi Kadree...I am doing ok...this morning my daughter and I done the "Back to School Shopping" thing. Not bad we only blew about $110.00 in just supplies and shoes! LOL I guess I can't complain, she bought all her own clothes with her grading money from her grand parents.
I went for a job interview at a clothing store last night and now I am on pins and needles waiting to see if they call me back for a second interview. I am trying not to get my hopes up too high, they interviewed 17 ppl. for this job. I NEED to get out of the house for a while..I have major cabin fever.
Hope everything is ok with you!!
Mel
I went for a job interview at a clothing store last night and now I am on pins and needles waiting to see if they call me back for a second interview. I am trying not to get my hopes up too high, they interviewed 17 ppl. for this job. I NEED to get out of the house for a while..I have major cabin fever.
Hope everything is ok with you!!
Mel
Kadree
08-29-2002, 05:42 PM
Mel,
Keep me posted on the job interview thing. Even if you don't get this one, there will be others.
How old is your daughter? I am not looking forward to all the getting ready for school stuff. Thank god I have a few more years.
Have you thought any more about going to see a councillor?
I am finding that my bad days are not outnumbering the good anymore. That is a big relief for me. One thing that my therapist told me Mel, that hit me like a ton of bricks, was that I had to stop looking to others for a solution to my problems, that I had to find the answers within myself. The only person that I can change is myself, and I think I am getting stronger.
Oh my god, Mel, I forgot to tell you. Saw the old flame the other night! He was in town to visit his parents and there he was on the golf course about 10 feet away from me. And of course, I had all these things that I was going to say to him, and I couldn't say a word! I just stood there like an idiot. Didn't even say hi, nothing. Just turned around and kept walking like I didn't even see him. Real smooth hey? I am such a loser! I don't know if he's still here or what, I guess I am hoping that I have a second chance to talk with him again.
Talk to you soon
Love, Kadree
Keep me posted on the job interview thing. Even if you don't get this one, there will be others.
How old is your daughter? I am not looking forward to all the getting ready for school stuff. Thank god I have a few more years.
Have you thought any more about going to see a councillor?
I am finding that my bad days are not outnumbering the good anymore. That is a big relief for me. One thing that my therapist told me Mel, that hit me like a ton of bricks, was that I had to stop looking to others for a solution to my problems, that I had to find the answers within myself. The only person that I can change is myself, and I think I am getting stronger.
Oh my god, Mel, I forgot to tell you. Saw the old flame the other night! He was in town to visit his parents and there he was on the golf course about 10 feet away from me. And of course, I had all these things that I was going to say to him, and I couldn't say a word! I just stood there like an idiot. Didn't even say hi, nothing. Just turned around and kept walking like I didn't even see him. Real smooth hey? I am such a loser! I don't know if he's still here or what, I guess I am hoping that I have a second chance to talk with him again.
Talk to you soon
Love, Kadree
MelNor
08-29-2002, 07:15 PM
Hi Kadree,
LOL........OMG...I laughed my *** off when u was telling about the old flame! Why didn't u talk to him?? LOL I shouldn't laugh I would have probably done the same thing!! Maybe he will still be there and you will get another chance!
My daughter is nine, 10 in Dec. Going into grade 5-French Immersion. Oh, before you know it you'll be standing there watching your little ones get on the bus and you'll be laughing and crying at the same time...it's such a wierd experience! LOL
I actually have gotten the forms from the Insurance Company that my husband works for to request councelling. So I'll be filling them out and getting them sent it.
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!! It was so wierd, when I first told you about being on pins and needles I had just hit submit reply and the phone started ringing and it was the manager of the store and wants me to come in tomorrow night to do the formalities/policies/etc. I am sooooooo excited!! It's not what I want to do forever, but it'll sure help break up the monotony while I finish my BASW. (Only got 4 more years to go LOL)
I am so glad your doing better...it's a plus when the good outweights the bad...thats for sure!!
Hope to hear from you soon,
Mel
LOL........OMG...I laughed my *** off when u was telling about the old flame! Why didn't u talk to him?? LOL I shouldn't laugh I would have probably done the same thing!! Maybe he will still be there and you will get another chance!
My daughter is nine, 10 in Dec. Going into grade 5-French Immersion. Oh, before you know it you'll be standing there watching your little ones get on the bus and you'll be laughing and crying at the same time...it's such a wierd experience! LOL
I actually have gotten the forms from the Insurance Company that my husband works for to request councelling. So I'll be filling them out and getting them sent it.
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!! It was so wierd, when I first told you about being on pins and needles I had just hit submit reply and the phone started ringing and it was the manager of the store and wants me to come in tomorrow night to do the formalities/policies/etc. I am sooooooo excited!! It's not what I want to do forever, but it'll sure help break up the monotony while I finish my BASW. (Only got 4 more years to go LOL)
I am so glad your doing better...it's a plus when the good outweights the bad...thats for sure!!
Hope to hear from you soon,
Mel
sherrie
08-29-2002, 08:12 PM
WOw Kadree,
Did you plan on meeting him there? Or was it just a coincidence? Don't you guys live in different states???I think it sounds like fate.
Did you plan on meeting him there? Or was it just a coincidence? Don't you guys live in different states???I think it sounds like fate.
*SoccerMom*
08-30-2002, 10:06 AM
Hi! :wave:
I have been missin' out! I have dropped in some but for some reason it wouldn't let me post. I have to hear more about old flame! did he see you? YOU know how I feel about all of it but maybe if you do talk to him, it would settle some of those feelings. I know that once years ago, i talked to an Old, old flame....even had some of those can't-talk, can't- breathe moments! I walked away laughing and thinking "what in the world did i ever see in him!!!" :) You never know until you talk to him. Kadree, hope things are truly ok with you....and congrats, Mel on the job. I applied this week to try to go back to school online. I will be tough with everything but when my babies go to school, I will be almost finished! By the way, I am drowning under my son's homework, band and football! Feel like I am a chauffeur!! :) Have a great day!!!
I have been missin' out! I have dropped in some but for some reason it wouldn't let me post. I have to hear more about old flame! did he see you? YOU know how I feel about all of it but maybe if you do talk to him, it would settle some of those feelings. I know that once years ago, i talked to an Old, old flame....even had some of those can't-talk, can't- breathe moments! I walked away laughing and thinking "what in the world did i ever see in him!!!" :) You never know until you talk to him. Kadree, hope things are truly ok with you....and congrats, Mel on the job. I applied this week to try to go back to school online. I will be tough with everything but when my babies go to school, I will be almost finished! By the way, I am drowning under my son's homework, band and football! Feel like I am a chauffeur!! :) Have a great day!!!
Kadree
08-30-2002, 12:23 PM
Hi Guys,
Congratulations Mel!! I am so happy for you! I hope that you find that when you are dealing with people all day that your day goes very quickly.
The old flame, well what more can I say. Yes, I know that he saw me, unless he's went blind since the last time that I saw him. We are both from Canada and we grew up together. I live in the same town as his parents. This is what I am hoping, that we chat, and I think that he has turned into the biggest geek in the whole world, or that I fall deeply in love with him and I have no questions about what I should do. I guess that if this was truly meant to be, then it will be right anytime, even 10years down the road. Nope, I never said a word, I had a good chat with his dad after in the clubhouse, but he was still outside. Then I sat there the whole time working up the nerve to talk to him when I walked by (on my way out)then he was in the washroom when we decided to leave.
Then last night my husband comes home and says " did you know that ***** is home?" Oh yes, trust me I know. Then he says " Why do you say it like that, are you still in love with him or something?" Ha Ha You are so funny! Don't be ridiculous. LOL
I am so confused! Now, I know why he hasn't answered my e mail yet, he's been here right underneath my nose. You don't know how many times I have picked up the phone to call him and invite him for a coffee, just to my office, to talk, scope him out. ( and then we'd lock the door, and you know....) Just Kiddding!
Hope to hear from you soon
Feel like I am talking to close friends with you.
Love Kadree
Congratulations Mel!! I am so happy for you! I hope that you find that when you are dealing with people all day that your day goes very quickly.
The old flame, well what more can I say. Yes, I know that he saw me, unless he's went blind since the last time that I saw him. We are both from Canada and we grew up together. I live in the same town as his parents. This is what I am hoping, that we chat, and I think that he has turned into the biggest geek in the whole world, or that I fall deeply in love with him and I have no questions about what I should do. I guess that if this was truly meant to be, then it will be right anytime, even 10years down the road. Nope, I never said a word, I had a good chat with his dad after in the clubhouse, but he was still outside. Then I sat there the whole time working up the nerve to talk to him when I walked by (on my way out)then he was in the washroom when we decided to leave.
Then last night my husband comes home and says " did you know that ***** is home?" Oh yes, trust me I know. Then he says " Why do you say it like that, are you still in love with him or something?" Ha Ha You are so funny! Don't be ridiculous. LOL
I am so confused! Now, I know why he hasn't answered my e mail yet, he's been here right underneath my nose. You don't know how many times I have picked up the phone to call him and invite him for a coffee, just to my office, to talk, scope him out. ( and then we'd lock the door, and you know....) Just Kiddding!
Hope to hear from you soon
Feel like I am talking to close friends with you.
Love Kadree
MelNor
08-31-2002, 03:51 AM
Haha..are you really kidding about the office thing?? LOL
Maybe you should try to work up your nerve and then just conveniently place yourself in a position where u can see him again! Why do we women linger in the past??? There always seems to be "one" you can't get over! I sometimes wonder if it's not just a "safe place" you can take your mind. Especially when reality seems to get you down...it's all so confusing!!
But...at the same time, who knows..maybe he is the right one...always had been, you both just had some living to do before you realized this??
I sometimes think of the "ONE" like when you go shopping for a new shirt... you immediatly grab one that gets your attention, try it on, and even though you know it suits you and its great, you still insist on trying on almost every single other one in the store, then go back and take the first one you tried on-and buy it! I know most men deserve a better comparison than a shirt but you get what I am saying right?? Maybe it's just a woman's way of doing things! LOL
Well its about 1 am and I am not tired again of course, sometimes I wish I could just go to bed and sleep for days...god knows I need it!
Hope to hear from you again soon and let us know if u "accidentally" bump into him again! :-)
Mel
Maybe you should try to work up your nerve and then just conveniently place yourself in a position where u can see him again! Why do we women linger in the past??? There always seems to be "one" you can't get over! I sometimes wonder if it's not just a "safe place" you can take your mind. Especially when reality seems to get you down...it's all so confusing!!
But...at the same time, who knows..maybe he is the right one...always had been, you both just had some living to do before you realized this??
I sometimes think of the "ONE" like when you go shopping for a new shirt... you immediatly grab one that gets your attention, try it on, and even though you know it suits you and its great, you still insist on trying on almost every single other one in the store, then go back and take the first one you tried on-and buy it! I know most men deserve a better comparison than a shirt but you get what I am saying right?? Maybe it's just a woman's way of doing things! LOL
Well its about 1 am and I am not tired again of course, sometimes I wish I could just go to bed and sleep for days...god knows I need it!
Hope to hear from you again soon and let us know if u "accidentally" bump into him again! :-)
Mel
MelNor
09-03-2002, 11:44 AM
Hey Kadree...where are ya??
Hope everything is ok!
Mel
Hope everything is ok!
Mel
Kadree
09-03-2002, 12:25 PM
Hi Mel,
Sorry, had a very bust weekend. Big family wedding.
How did the job thing go? You went and had your meeting with the manager, and you start when?
I am so happy for you.
Anyways, I think that the old flame has gone home. Haven't seen him in a while, and believe me Mel, I thought long and hard about calling him and inviting him for a cup of coffee or something, just thought that it would be nice if we could talk as friends. But again I would pick up the phone, and then I couldn't do it. I am such a big chicken.
I thought maybe he would answer my e mail this week (today)because I'm thinking that he should be back at work. Or maybe he's just not answering it.
How did your weekend go Mel? Everything go alright with your husband? My relationship seems to be a constant up and down. One minute he's happy, one minute we are fighting. It's almost like I have to wait to see how his mood is so I know how to feel. Ya know what I mean? IF he's grouchy, I have to be defensive, if he's in a good mood, I have to be careful what I do and say to keep him in that good mood.
I hate it! I want to be Cinderella. Where the hell is my prince on the white horse?
Hope to hear from you soon
Love Kadree
Sorry, had a very bust weekend. Big family wedding.
How did the job thing go? You went and had your meeting with the manager, and you start when?
I am so happy for you.
Anyways, I think that the old flame has gone home. Haven't seen him in a while, and believe me Mel, I thought long and hard about calling him and inviting him for a cup of coffee or something, just thought that it would be nice if we could talk as friends. But again I would pick up the phone, and then I couldn't do it. I am such a big chicken.
I thought maybe he would answer my e mail this week (today)because I'm thinking that he should be back at work. Or maybe he's just not answering it.
How did your weekend go Mel? Everything go alright with your husband? My relationship seems to be a constant up and down. One minute he's happy, one minute we are fighting. It's almost like I have to wait to see how his mood is so I know how to feel. Ya know what I mean? IF he's grouchy, I have to be defensive, if he's in a good mood, I have to be careful what I do and say to keep him in that good mood.
I hate it! I want to be Cinderella. Where the hell is my prince on the white horse?
Hope to hear from you soon
Love Kadree
MelNor
09-03-2002, 01:03 PM
Hi Kadree...well things were on the up and down here as well. We went away for the weekend camping and things were fine Saturday and Sunday. We returned Monday morning and he said he had to go into work to get caught up on some stuff. He called me a couple hours later saying it was real busy and he would be a while longer. I decided I had better go get my daughter her lunch stuff for school but then realized he had the bank card so I drove over to his work to get it and guess what...he wasn't there. No one was there. It was all another BIG lie!! Then to top it all off he comes home at 11 pm, plastered drunk and he totally blew every cent we had in the bank! I am so mad right now I don't know what to do! I want to leave him so bad!!!!!!!! I am confused and scared because I have no one here. I am tired of the lies, the games and the immaturity!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to go to bed and wake up 5 years from now!!
As for the job, I start today...it's so thoughtful of him to help me be mentally ready for my first day. I mean, I am so thankful he is giving me the moral support to get out there and make a good impression instead of having blood shot, swelled up eyes! NOT! How in the name of god do I get into such situations??
Maybe the ex will email you back. Have you though of emailing him again and telling him about seeing him and you were too nervous to talk?? He might think you were just avoiding him?? Let me know waht happens!
Mel
As for the job, I start today...it's so thoughtful of him to help me be mentally ready for my first day. I mean, I am so thankful he is giving me the moral support to get out there and make a good impression instead of having blood shot, swelled up eyes! NOT! How in the name of god do I get into such situations??
Maybe the ex will email you back. Have you though of emailing him again and telling him about seeing him and you were too nervous to talk?? He might think you were just avoiding him?? Let me know waht happens!
Mel
Kadree
09-03-2002, 01:19 PM
Oh Mel,
I feel so bad for you. I have been in that position many times and it sucks. Something that I have started to do is put a little money aside in a bank account that he does not know about, even a sock drawer, anything. Even if it's $0.50 at a time, or whatever. OR get your paycheck direct deposited into a seperate bank account that is in your name only.
I think that for me, the hardest part was not all the money gone, but the way that I felt so betrayed.
He didn't understand how he was making me feel, and I thought that if he loved me then he would quit doing it. But I guess like Soccermom said it is a disease.
I have felt like I wanted to leave every day for the past year and I guess I just don't want things to change that much. I am kind of scared of change. And this life is all that I have known for the last seven years.
I wish I could come and give you a big hug Mel.
Just hang in there, and know that I am here for you.
It's kind of wierd, because I feel like I know you so well, but if I was to walk right by you on the street, I would never know it was you.
Anyways, have a wonderful first day on the job and I will talk to you later.
Love Kadree
I feel so bad for you. I have been in that position many times and it sucks. Something that I have started to do is put a little money aside in a bank account that he does not know about, even a sock drawer, anything. Even if it's $0.50 at a time, or whatever. OR get your paycheck direct deposited into a seperate bank account that is in your name only.
I think that for me, the hardest part was not all the money gone, but the way that I felt so betrayed.
He didn't understand how he was making me feel, and I thought that if he loved me then he would quit doing it. But I guess like Soccermom said it is a disease.
I have felt like I wanted to leave every day for the past year and I guess I just don't want things to change that much. I am kind of scared of change. And this life is all that I have known for the last seven years.
I wish I could come and give you a big hug Mel.
Just hang in there, and know that I am here for you.
It's kind of wierd, because I feel like I know you so well, but if I was to walk right by you on the street, I would never know it was you.
Anyways, have a wonderful first day on the job and I will talk to you later.
Love Kadree
MelNor
09-03-2002, 01:54 PM
Your so right about feeling betrayed. Thats about sums it all up. To make matters worse he has even cleaned out my daughters bank account over a year ago on a big drunk and he hasn't made a single attempt to repay it.
I hear what you's are saying about it being a disease but that don't make it any easier or any more right. I just can't understand how a bottle can take the front seat to your marriage and family. I called his family last night and told them everything that's going on, they were horrified! I know I shouldn't have done it but they are good respectable people and when the poop hits the fan I don't want to be the bad one in the whole mess.
Basically, this big spending thing happens when he gets drinking with a certain group of "friends" Its like its all a BIG SHOT performance...the RICH GUY is what he wants them to believe. Meanwhile, these guys a low life scum that have no respect for their wife or kids, they live in the slums and have no desire to make a better life for themselves and family, so I can't understand why its important to have losers look up to you! He is doing nothing but making a fool of himself and you can bet yourself that today they are laughing about how he blew so much money treating them!
It would suit him much better to care what the people who love and care for him think!
GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I am just so MAD!!!
Maybe I am being unrealistic...maybe love isn't all it's made up to be...but like we mentioned before about the good out weighting the bad and vice-verca. Surely there has to be more to life than this!! OMG!!
I hope I am able to fake a pleasant personality for work today but I have such a hard time hiding my feelings, its written all over my face...thats why I couldn't get away with anything when I was a teenager! LOL
Well I am taking your advise and I am off to the bank right now to open a new bank account. God I hate him right now!!
Your a great person and I am thankful we have each other to vent! Too bad you didn't live even closer!
Thanks so much for understanding!!
Mel
I hear what you's are saying about it being a disease but that don't make it any easier or any more right. I just can't understand how a bottle can take the front seat to your marriage and family. I called his family last night and told them everything that's going on, they were horrified! I know I shouldn't have done it but they are good respectable people and when the poop hits the fan I don't want to be the bad one in the whole mess.
Basically, this big spending thing happens when he gets drinking with a certain group of "friends" Its like its all a BIG SHOT performance...the RICH GUY is what he wants them to believe. Meanwhile, these guys a low life scum that have no respect for their wife or kids, they live in the slums and have no desire to make a better life for themselves and family, so I can't understand why its important to have losers look up to you! He is doing nothing but making a fool of himself and you can bet yourself that today they are laughing about how he blew so much money treating them!
It would suit him much better to care what the people who love and care for him think!
GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I am just so MAD!!!
Maybe I am being unrealistic...maybe love isn't all it's made up to be...but like we mentioned before about the good out weighting the bad and vice-verca. Surely there has to be more to life than this!! OMG!!
I hope I am able to fake a pleasant personality for work today but I have such a hard time hiding my feelings, its written all over my face...thats why I couldn't get away with anything when I was a teenager! LOL
Well I am taking your advise and I am off to the bank right now to open a new bank account. God I hate him right now!!
Your a great person and I am thankful we have each other to vent! Too bad you didn't live even closer!
Thanks so much for understanding!!
Mel
Kadree
09-03-2002, 02:23 PM
Mel,
My husband did the same thing, taking my kids birthday money,etc. And I did the same thing as you did, I called his parents. I remember standing there and being so ******* mad that I was vibrating. He' s lucky that he didn't walk through the door at that moment because I would have honestly killed him! Anyways, there were no tears this particular time, I called his mom and told her everything, that I was leaving, what he had been doing. And this particular night I had called anytime banking and there was over a thousand dollars gone! I knew where he was , so I called the bar, and he hung up on me! I told him he better get his a** home and he hung up on me! So, I called his mother. I had had it. She phoned the bar, and let him have it. Then she told him that she was going to call our house in 15 minutes and if her wasn't there she was going to come down and help me pack!
Well, he came home, but then I was the b***** because I had to get everyone involved. I couldn't do anything on my own, I had to get everyone against him.
And then a few weeks later, it was happening all over again.
My husband is the same way, trying to look like the rich guy. Where did the money go? Well, he had to buy a few rounds in the bar. We can't afford it, but we'll buy a few rye and cokes instead of paying the mortgage this month, what the heck!
Keep smiling Mel.
The one thing that I found was that because he was also so miserable, I found myself starting to act that way. He was slowing taking over the person I used to be, and turning me into this bitter, unhappy person who thought that life had screwed me over. I started thinking that I was the victim. Even though I did not deserve to be treated like that, I am the only one that can do something about it. And people used to like me before I met him. I was funny, and nice, and I looked good, I took care of myself.
Now, I'm starting to become that person again. I have my confidence back, and it feels good!!
Don't let him turn you into something that you are not. Starting with this bank account, make sure you have the resources, don't let him have the advantage over you. And you will find slowly that you build your own life without him. You go ahead without him, and if he wants to catch up, that's fine, if he wants to remain an immature drunk, then that's fine too. YOU will move on, YOU will go forward, and you could care less if you leave him in the dust.
WHEW..Yeah... I should be a motivational speaker!! Ha ha
Love Ya Mel,
Kadree
My husband did the same thing, taking my kids birthday money,etc. And I did the same thing as you did, I called his parents. I remember standing there and being so ******* mad that I was vibrating. He' s lucky that he didn't walk through the door at that moment because I would have honestly killed him! Anyways, there were no tears this particular time, I called his mom and told her everything, that I was leaving, what he had been doing. And this particular night I had called anytime banking and there was over a thousand dollars gone! I knew where he was , so I called the bar, and he hung up on me! I told him he better get his a** home and he hung up on me! So, I called his mother. I had had it. She phoned the bar, and let him have it. Then she told him that she was going to call our house in 15 minutes and if her wasn't there she was going to come down and help me pack!
Well, he came home, but then I was the b***** because I had to get everyone involved. I couldn't do anything on my own, I had to get everyone against him.
And then a few weeks later, it was happening all over again.
My husband is the same way, trying to look like the rich guy. Where did the money go? Well, he had to buy a few rounds in the bar. We can't afford it, but we'll buy a few rye and cokes instead of paying the mortgage this month, what the heck!
Keep smiling Mel.
The one thing that I found was that because he was also so miserable, I found myself starting to act that way. He was slowing taking over the person I used to be, and turning me into this bitter, unhappy person who thought that life had screwed me over. I started thinking that I was the victim. Even though I did not deserve to be treated like that, I am the only one that can do something about it. And people used to like me before I met him. I was funny, and nice, and I looked good, I took care of myself.
Now, I'm starting to become that person again. I have my confidence back, and it feels good!!
Don't let him turn you into something that you are not. Starting with this bank account, make sure you have the resources, don't let him have the advantage over you. And you will find slowly that you build your own life without him. You go ahead without him, and if he wants to catch up, that's fine, if he wants to remain an immature drunk, then that's fine too. YOU will move on, YOU will go forward, and you could care less if you leave him in the dust.
WHEW..Yeah... I should be a motivational speaker!! Ha ha
Love Ya Mel,
Kadree
MelNor
09-03-2002, 03:06 PM
LOL...you hit the nail right on the head so correctly that I can't even help but to laugh!!
And you could be that motivational speaker u mentioned! :-)
I think I have figured out a plan... for now...I have a granny suite in the basement and HIS butt is moving in it! I was going to but then I thought..why should I?? He is the one who has chosen to have things like this...let him move down there. Personally the thought of sleeping in the same bed with him right now is a recipe for disaster!
I just had another chat with his mom...I feel so bad for worrying them like that when they can't do anything about it...especially being so far away.
I really wish I knew what he does with so much money...I know booze is expensive but geeze!!! Maybe he is buying prostitutes with it...oh well, right now I am thinking Yeah, one less job for me!
Sick eh!! LOL
Love Mel
And you could be that motivational speaker u mentioned! :-)
I think I have figured out a plan... for now...I have a granny suite in the basement and HIS butt is moving in it! I was going to but then I thought..why should I?? He is the one who has chosen to have things like this...let him move down there. Personally the thought of sleeping in the same bed with him right now is a recipe for disaster!
I just had another chat with his mom...I feel so bad for worrying them like that when they can't do anything about it...especially being so far away.
I really wish I knew what he does with so much money...I know booze is expensive but geeze!!! Maybe he is buying prostitutes with it...oh well, right now I am thinking Yeah, one less job for me!
Sick eh!! LOL
Love Mel
Kadree
09-03-2002, 04:27 PM
Mel,
One less job for you! Good one. Just make sure that once in a while (when you do actually do the deed) that he wears protection.
I have slept on the couch for the past 6 monthes. The thought of sex with my husband pretty much repulsed me for a while. (still kinda does)
I was having bad panic attacks at night, and I'd end up on the couch anyways. So, now I just start out there. And that bothers him, but what the hell!
I could live without the sex. Actually now he says that I am like sleeping with a prostitute. I'll do it every once in a while, but let's just do it and get it over with, don't touch me, don't kiss me, when you're done get the hell off my couch!
I don't care. He choses to treat me like crap and calls me names, puts me down etc. and then wants me to share my body with him and be "aching with desire" for him? Sorry 'bout your luck, buddy. I'd rather sleep.
Now I'm starting to have all these fantasies about everyone and everything. Everyone looks good!
Even the ex- oh, looking SOoooooo good. Then I think there must be some reason that he is the ex. He offers me everything 7 years ago. I chose to marry my husband. The ex is making 6 digit salary, living in a beautiful house, driving a nice SUV, and dressing in business suits everyday. Travelling, season tickets, you name it.
My husband is spending 6 digits in the bar. I have the nice house, and car, but some monthes literally scraping to get by.
How will this whole thing with moving downstairs go over with your husband? Does he ever get verbally or physically abusive with you? If I told my husband he had to move downstairs, he would laugh in my face.
(Until I kicked him down the stairs) Just kidding
Talk to you soon Mel
Love Kadree
One less job for you! Good one. Just make sure that once in a while (when you do actually do the deed) that he wears protection.
I have slept on the couch for the past 6 monthes. The thought of sex with my husband pretty much repulsed me for a while. (still kinda does)
I was having bad panic attacks at night, and I'd end up on the couch anyways. So, now I just start out there. And that bothers him, but what the hell!
I could live without the sex. Actually now he says that I am like sleeping with a prostitute. I'll do it every once in a while, but let's just do it and get it over with, don't touch me, don't kiss me, when you're done get the hell off my couch!
I don't care. He choses to treat me like crap and calls me names, puts me down etc. and then wants me to share my body with him and be "aching with desire" for him? Sorry 'bout your luck, buddy. I'd rather sleep.
Now I'm starting to have all these fantasies about everyone and everything. Everyone looks good!
Even the ex- oh, looking SOoooooo good. Then I think there must be some reason that he is the ex. He offers me everything 7 years ago. I chose to marry my husband. The ex is making 6 digit salary, living in a beautiful house, driving a nice SUV, and dressing in business suits everyday. Travelling, season tickets, you name it.
My husband is spending 6 digits in the bar. I have the nice house, and car, but some monthes literally scraping to get by.
How will this whole thing with moving downstairs go over with your husband? Does he ever get verbally or physically abusive with you? If I told my husband he had to move downstairs, he would laugh in my face.
(Until I kicked him down the stairs) Just kidding
Talk to you soon Mel
Love Kadree
MelNor
09-03-2002, 06:03 PM
LOL...you make me laugh...I can't help it!
As for hubby moving to the basement...I really don't care how he is gonna take it. If he don't wan't me to leave then he better do what I say because I am through with his bull. If he wants to try and grow up and try to keep this marriage together then he better get used to some adjustments..the basement being one of them!
I know I might sound harsh but I am done letting him have the upper hand. I have put up with it for far to long. Now I am gonna take your advise and live my life to the fullest for me and my daughter. If he wants to at least put out an effort in and join us then great! But if not, its his loss, and I do still believe there are descent guys out there who would be happy to have a faithful, honest and caring person like myself...and that goes for you too girly!! LOL
I just got back from the bank and it got me thinking about how terribly screwed I would be if I seperated from him because of the bad credit problems his irresponsibilities have brought him over the years. And now my name is so sweetly tied into them!! GRRR AGAIN!!! LOL But really...I have to get something done to clear myself from this but I am not sure how. I guess I should call a bankrupcy trustee and see if I could do that seperate from him. That will make his little world come crashing down cause EVERYTHING almost is in my name...but I am at the point where I have to look out for my best interest. God I couldn't even get a loan for a bag of flour now!
Love Mel
As for hubby moving to the basement...I really don't care how he is gonna take it. If he don't wan't me to leave then he better do what I say because I am through with his bull. If he wants to try and grow up and try to keep this marriage together then he better get used to some adjustments..the basement being one of them!
I know I might sound harsh but I am done letting him have the upper hand. I have put up with it for far to long. Now I am gonna take your advise and live my life to the fullest for me and my daughter. If he wants to at least put out an effort in and join us then great! But if not, its his loss, and I do still believe there are descent guys out there who would be happy to have a faithful, honest and caring person like myself...and that goes for you too girly!! LOL
I just got back from the bank and it got me thinking about how terribly screwed I would be if I seperated from him because of the bad credit problems his irresponsibilities have brought him over the years. And now my name is so sweetly tied into them!! GRRR AGAIN!!! LOL But really...I have to get something done to clear myself from this but I am not sure how. I guess I should call a bankrupcy trustee and see if I could do that seperate from him. That will make his little world come crashing down cause EVERYTHING almost is in my name...but I am at the point where I have to look out for my best interest. God I couldn't even get a loan for a bag of flour now!
Love Mel
Kadree
09-04-2002, 12:35 PM
Morning Mel,
The more that I hear about your husband, the more he sounds like my husband. Maybe we are married to the same guy. The times when he is lying to you, he's home at my house and when he gone from my house, he's at your house.
I hear ya about not being able to get a loan for anything. All of our credit cards were maxed, I think we had about eight ( and not one of them were in my name because I didn't want to overspend! LOL) Had to take out a loan to pay those babies off, kept one and cut up the rest. Now he has the one VISA and guess what...maxed right up to over the limit. He decided to purchase a big screen and all the rest of the toys that go with it, on another credit card that he obtained, while he ditched me at the mall and went to the Brick. And to top it all off that was my birthday and we were suppose to be in Red Deer for a nice evening for my birthday. By the time he was done spending, we had to go home because he had no money left.
He has also been taking money from our RRSP's to cover his *** when he has drained the bank account. What a tangled mess I have gotten myself into.
I'm just angry this morning because he was being such a jerk last night. I asked him why he was being such a a******** and he says because he had a bad day. I told him " you know what? That's not my problem, and I don't really give a flying **** how your day was"
Then I left and went golfing. Then he tried to be buddy buddy when I got home, and I was just ignoring him, so then he started being a jerk again.
I saw my therapist yesterday, and he asked me what I had learned from last weeks session. I said " to find a good woman" Ha Ha
I think I have finally found the reason that women turn gay. At least women are reasonable.
Having more crazy dreams about the ex. I don't think that he is going to answer my e mail. I don't know where I should go from here. Should I send him another e mail or should I forget the whole thing?
Help Mel HELP!!
Love Kadree
The more that I hear about your husband, the more he sounds like my husband. Maybe we are married to the same guy. The times when he is lying to you, he's home at my house and when he gone from my house, he's at your house.
I hear ya about not being able to get a loan for anything. All of our credit cards were maxed, I think we had about eight ( and not one of them were in my name because I didn't want to overspend! LOL) Had to take out a loan to pay those babies off, kept one and cut up the rest. Now he has the one VISA and guess what...maxed right up to over the limit. He decided to purchase a big screen and all the rest of the toys that go with it, on another credit card that he obtained, while he ditched me at the mall and went to the Brick. And to top it all off that was my birthday and we were suppose to be in Red Deer for a nice evening for my birthday. By the time he was done spending, we had to go home because he had no money left.
He has also been taking money from our RRSP's to cover his *** when he has drained the bank account. What a tangled mess I have gotten myself into.
I'm just angry this morning because he was being such a jerk last night. I asked him why he was being such a a******** and he says because he had a bad day. I told him " you know what? That's not my problem, and I don't really give a flying **** how your day was"
Then I left and went golfing. Then he tried to be buddy buddy when I got home, and I was just ignoring him, so then he started being a jerk again.
I saw my therapist yesterday, and he asked me what I had learned from last weeks session. I said " to find a good woman" Ha Ha
I think I have finally found the reason that women turn gay. At least women are reasonable.
Having more crazy dreams about the ex. I don't think that he is going to answer my e mail. I don't know where I should go from here. Should I send him another e mail or should I forget the whole thing?
Help Mel HELP!!
Love Kadree
Kadree
09-04-2002, 12:50 PM
Morning Mel,
The more that I hear about your husband, the more he sounds like my husband. Maybe we are married to the same guy. The times when he is lying to you, he's home at my house and when he gone from my house, he's at your house.
I hear ya about not being able to get a loan for anything. All of our credit cards were maxed, I think we had about eight ( and not one of them were in my name because I didn't want to overspend! LOL) Had to take out a loan to pay those babies off, kept one and cut up the rest. Now he has the one VISA and guess what...maxed right up to over the limit. He decided to purchase a big screen and all the rest of the toys that go with it, on another credit card that he obtained, while he ditched me at the mall and went to the Brick. And to top it all off that was my birthday and we were suppose to be in Red Deer for a nice evening for my birthday. By the time he was done spending, we had to go home because he had no money left.
He has also been taking money from our RRSP's to cover his *** when he has drained the bank account. What a tangled mess I have gotten myself into.
I'm just angry this morning because he was being such a jerk last night. I asked him why he was being such a a******** and he says because he had a bad day. I told him " you know what? That's not my problem, and I don't really give a flying **** how your day was"
Then I left and went golfing. Then he tried to be buddy buddy when I got home, and I was just ignoring him, so then he started being a jerk again.
I saw my therapist yesterday, and he asked me what I had learned from last weeks session. I said " to find a good woman" Ha Ha
I think I have finally found the reason that women turn gay. At least women are reasonable.
Having more crazy dreams about the ex. I don't think that he is going to answer my e mail. I don't know where I should go from here. Should I send him another e mail or should I forget the whole thing?
Help Mel HELP!!
Love Kadree
The more that I hear about your husband, the more he sounds like my husband. Maybe we are married to the same guy. The times when he is lying to you, he's home at my house and when he gone from my house, he's at your house.
I hear ya about not being able to get a loan for anything. All of our credit cards were maxed, I think we had about eight ( and not one of them were in my name because I didn't want to overspend! LOL) Had to take out a loan to pay those babies off, kept one and cut up the rest. Now he has the one VISA and guess what...maxed right up to over the limit. He decided to purchase a big screen and all the rest of the toys that go with it, on another credit card that he obtained, while he ditched me at the mall and went to the Brick. And to top it all off that was my birthday and we were suppose to be in Red Deer for a nice evening for my birthday. By the time he was done spending, we had to go home because he had no money left.
He has also been taking money from our RRSP's to cover his *** when he has drained the bank account. What a tangled mess I have gotten myself into.
I'm just angry this morning because he was being such a jerk last night. I asked him why he was being such a a******** and he says because he had a bad day. I told him " you know what? That's not my problem, and I don't really give a flying **** how your day was"
Then I left and went golfing. Then he tried to be buddy buddy when I got home, and I was just ignoring him, so then he started being a jerk again.
I saw my therapist yesterday, and he asked me what I had learned from last weeks session. I said " to find a good woman" Ha Ha
I think I have finally found the reason that women turn gay. At least women are reasonable.
Having more crazy dreams about the ex. I don't think that he is going to answer my e mail. I don't know where I should go from here. Should I send him another e mail or should I forget the whole thing?
Help Mel HELP!!
Love Kadree
MelNor
09-04-2002, 04:43 PM
Hi Kadree...you just might be onto something there about it being the same guy! LOL
Yesterday...no kidding, I lost 6 pounds! OMG I have been on a diet for almost 3 months now and have so far lost about 26 pounds or so. The 6 were a bonus, but I suspect it was stress related so I'll find it again in a day or two! LOL
That was a pretty low thing for your hubby to do about the brick and your birthday. Think for once he could have put his compulsive behaviour on the back burner to at least try to make u happy on your birthday!
I have said the same thing many times about understanding why women turn gay! LOL Actually, I know some women who are as bad as some of the men I know! LOL
I have been dealing with some crap from my ex as well...well really I have been not dealing with him directly, just the chaois he has made for our daughter. He is loonie and refuses to get help. He has spray painted a bunch of stuff all over the front of his house and my daughter heard about this from one of her little friends from the same town and now she is very upset about it. Ya know...it is something I can't deal with right now with everything else going on too. I just feel really bad for her having to hear all these things about him because he is sick and she knows it but also that he will never get better because he wont admit he has a problem. And I just don't know how to help her deal with the problems he is having. (Instead of me trying to explain it all...go to the "Mental Health" board and read the post I put on last week called "First Time I Talked About This"...but you have to promise not to run away from me for having so many people in my life who are so screwed up!! LOL)
Hey I am going to Scotland in March...wanna come with me?? No kids, no hubby...just RELAX!!!!!!!
I am very big into genealogy and I am hoping Scotland records (my roots are Scotish) holds the information I am looking for.
Well as for your ex. I really think you should email him again!! What do you have to lose...he either emails you back and things will be fine or he don't then you can put it out of your mind! Personally, I would phone him at his home, just to say something like "aw man, I can't believe I didn't get a chance to say hello when u were here...yada yada yada!!!!" Make it sound totally innocent and see where his mind set is!
Something to think about!!
Love Mel
Yesterday...no kidding, I lost 6 pounds! OMG I have been on a diet for almost 3 months now and have so far lost about 26 pounds or so. The 6 were a bonus, but I suspect it was stress related so I'll find it again in a day or two! LOL
That was a pretty low thing for your hubby to do about the brick and your birthday. Think for once he could have put his compulsive behaviour on the back burner to at least try to make u happy on your birthday!
I have said the same thing many times about understanding why women turn gay! LOL Actually, I know some women who are as bad as some of the men I know! LOL
I have been dealing with some crap from my ex as well...well really I have been not dealing with him directly, just the chaois he has made for our daughter. He is loonie and refuses to get help. He has spray painted a bunch of stuff all over the front of his house and my daughter heard about this from one of her little friends from the same town and now she is very upset about it. Ya know...it is something I can't deal with right now with everything else going on too. I just feel really bad for her having to hear all these things about him because he is sick and she knows it but also that he will never get better because he wont admit he has a problem. And I just don't know how to help her deal with the problems he is having. (Instead of me trying to explain it all...go to the "Mental Health" board and read the post I put on last week called "First Time I Talked About This"...but you have to promise not to run away from me for having so many people in my life who are so screwed up!! LOL)
Hey I am going to Scotland in March...wanna come with me?? No kids, no hubby...just RELAX!!!!!!!
I am very big into genealogy and I am hoping Scotland records (my roots are Scotish) holds the information I am looking for.
Well as for your ex. I really think you should email him again!! What do you have to lose...he either emails you back and things will be fine or he don't then you can put it out of your mind! Personally, I would phone him at his home, just to say something like "aw man, I can't believe I didn't get a chance to say hello when u were here...yada yada yada!!!!" Make it sound totally innocent and see where his mind set is!
Something to think about!!
Love Mel
Kadree
09-04-2002, 05:15 PM
Mel,
Next, just got off the phone with my husband, and I swear to god I hate him! He is so selfish. I can't even explain how mad I am at him. I wish that I had some solution, that I could be rid of him forever without all the repercussions coming back to my kids.
As for Scotland, I would love to go with you! I too am Scottish, and I have a lot of family over there. My dad actually just came back from there last year, ( he is very big into checking out the family tree and our roots etc etc) I'd need to start saving alot of money. Have you actually got it planned already?
Congratulations on your weight loss! Stress does a lot of stuff to your body, sometimes its not all bad.
Hee hee. When my anxiety level was at its peak (last year around Christmas time) I lost about 20lbs! Of course I have gained it all back, but my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't keep anything in my stomach, and that lasted for almost 6 weeks.
E-mailed the ex back again this morning. Don't know if it was the right thing to do or not. The thing is that he lives with his sister(because her fiance is in the states for a year)and his sister's fiance is quite good friends with my husband. And I don't want him telling his sister that I have been trying to get together with him and then she tells her fiance and blah, blah, you know the rest. That is why I don't want to phone there for that reason.
But, I feel that I must contact him, or at least try to because if I don't, I'll always be wondering what if, right?
Even if he would answer my message and tell me to **** off, at least then I would know. You know? Ha
Give me your advice Mel.
Love Kadree
[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 10-07-2002).]
Next, just got off the phone with my husband, and I swear to god I hate him! He is so selfish. I can't even explain how mad I am at him. I wish that I had some solution, that I could be rid of him forever without all the repercussions coming back to my kids.
As for Scotland, I would love to go with you! I too am Scottish, and I have a lot of family over there. My dad actually just came back from there last year, ( he is very big into checking out the family tree and our roots etc etc) I'd need to start saving alot of money. Have you actually got it planned already?
Congratulations on your weight loss! Stress does a lot of stuff to your body, sometimes its not all bad.
Hee hee. When my anxiety level was at its peak (last year around Christmas time) I lost about 20lbs! Of course I have gained it all back, but my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't keep anything in my stomach, and that lasted for almost 6 weeks.
E-mailed the ex back again this morning. Don't know if it was the right thing to do or not. The thing is that he lives with his sister(because her fiance is in the states for a year)and his sister's fiance is quite good friends with my husband. And I don't want him telling his sister that I have been trying to get together with him and then she tells her fiance and blah, blah, you know the rest. That is why I don't want to phone there for that reason.
But, I feel that I must contact him, or at least try to because if I don't, I'll always be wondering what if, right?
Even if he would answer my message and tell me to **** off, at least then I would know. You know? Ha
Give me your advice Mel.
Love Kadree
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Kadree
09-04-2002, 05:32 PM
OMG Mel,
I just read your post on the mental health board, and I am absolutely speechless. I can't even ...I don't know what to say. Every time that I read one of your posts on another topic, I am amazed at the things that have gone on in your life.
I am so sorry that you lost your little boy. I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel. My heart goes out to you. Did you ever go for councelling after the death of your son?
Secondly, this ex of yours definitely needs help. Where is he located? You could try calling Social Services and getting them to step in and do an evaluation. Because if he still has the right to have your daughter stay with him unsupervised, then you should have a right to make sure that he is mentally stable.
I feel so bad for your daughter to have to deal with that. Right now, she is probably at the age where everything embarrasses her. Just try to explain things to her as much as her young mind will comprehend. I wouldn't go into all the details, just maybe that he is sick and needs help. I don't know, Mel, I'm still sitting here just dumbfounded.
Kadree
I just read your post on the mental health board, and I am absolutely speechless. I can't even ...I don't know what to say. Every time that I read one of your posts on another topic, I am amazed at the things that have gone on in your life.
I am so sorry that you lost your little boy. I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel. My heart goes out to you. Did you ever go for councelling after the death of your son?
Secondly, this ex of yours definitely needs help. Where is he located? You could try calling Social Services and getting them to step in and do an evaluation. Because if he still has the right to have your daughter stay with him unsupervised, then you should have a right to make sure that he is mentally stable.
I feel so bad for your daughter to have to deal with that. Right now, she is probably at the age where everything embarrasses her. Just try to explain things to her as much as her young mind will comprehend. I wouldn't go into all the details, just maybe that he is sick and needs help. I don't know, Mel, I'm still sitting here just dumbfounded.
Kadree
MelNor
09-04-2002, 06:00 PM
Yeah I have had a few unbelievable things happen in my life but to be honest most of it has made me stronger in the long run! None of it seems fair but...
Anyway...yeah I am really going to Scotland...my mom was supposed to come with me but she ended up not being able to go now. I am so excited...I have been to see the travel agent about it but I have not confirmed it yet. I can't wait...I have never went on a "vacation" in my life and I am soooooooo looking forward to it, even if I have to go alone! LOL My family thinks I am nuts but I am on a mission! LOL
Thats so cool that your from Scotland (roots) as well. Do u know what area? Mine were from the Isle of Bute...apparently the island grows palm trees! That would be cool to see. I have a family website I am putting together, ...its just genealogy stuff but kinda interesting...
Boy... the sister living with the ex sure puts a whole new twist on things eh!!
How far away does he live from you??? How often does he come back to visit his family??
I think you did the right thing by emailing him again...what did u say???? Well hopefully he answers back soon! I hope his sister doesn't read the emails!
Talk to you again soon,
Mel
[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 10-07-2002).]
Anyway...yeah I am really going to Scotland...my mom was supposed to come with me but she ended up not being able to go now. I am so excited...I have been to see the travel agent about it but I have not confirmed it yet. I can't wait...I have never went on a "vacation" in my life and I am soooooooo looking forward to it, even if I have to go alone! LOL My family thinks I am nuts but I am on a mission! LOL
Thats so cool that your from Scotland (roots) as well. Do u know what area? Mine were from the Isle of Bute...apparently the island grows palm trees! That would be cool to see. I have a family website I am putting together, ...its just genealogy stuff but kinda interesting...
Boy... the sister living with the ex sure puts a whole new twist on things eh!!
How far away does he live from you??? How often does he come back to visit his family??
I think you did the right thing by emailing him again...what did u say???? Well hopefully he answers back soon! I hope his sister doesn't read the emails!
Talk to you again soon,
Mel
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Kadree
09-05-2002, 12:21 PM
Hi Mel,
Glad to hear that you are doing ok. I think the area that we are from is Glascow, and a few other places, I'm not exactly sure where else. My grandpa grew up around Cornwall ( I think that what the place is called) and then came to Canada when he was quite young. My grandma, my dad and his sisters are also very big into the geneology thing and they were over there for about a month.
Yes, the sister with the ex. THey have always been extremely close and so I don't know what would happen. I just asked him (in my e mail) if he was avoiding me on purpose and that I had to come to the cty next week and I would like to get together for a visit ( a cup of coffee or something) He lives about three hours away from me and I am not sure how often he comes here.
His family lives on a farm, so I don't usually see them in town very often.
Was so mad at my husband last night Mel!! He was being the biggest a****** and I was getting so mad I was considering waking my kids up to leave. But of course I didn't. Then this morning he tries to act like it was no big deal.
Talk to you soon
Love Kadree
Glad to hear that you are doing ok. I think the area that we are from is Glascow, and a few other places, I'm not exactly sure where else. My grandpa grew up around Cornwall ( I think that what the place is called) and then came to Canada when he was quite young. My grandma, my dad and his sisters are also very big into the geneology thing and they were over there for about a month.
Yes, the sister with the ex. THey have always been extremely close and so I don't know what would happen. I just asked him (in my e mail) if he was avoiding me on purpose and that I had to come to the cty next week and I would like to get together for a visit ( a cup of coffee or something) He lives about three hours away from me and I am not sure how often he comes here.
His family lives on a farm, so I don't usually see them in town very often.
Was so mad at my husband last night Mel!! He was being the biggest a****** and I was getting so mad I was considering waking my kids up to leave. But of course I didn't. Then this morning he tries to act like it was no big deal.
Talk to you soon
Love Kadree