Hi, I posted awhile ago about my ex of 5 years. I realize that I have really beat it into the ground. I have talked about my ex here and with all my friends so much that they are really getting sick of it, however I still have questions. It's pretty general: Is is normal for someone to move on really fast after a really long relationship? We went out for 5 years, and had our share of problems. I thought we could get through it, however for the last 2 months we were together, he was not happy. He dumped me and immediately starting dating another girl(and when I say immediately I mean the day after, or earlier) I still love him, and care for him. However it was really simple for him to ditch me to be with another girl. Is this a normal thing to do? I realize that men have problems with communication, but why didn't he just tell me he felt so strongly about our problems. The break-up was completely out of the blue for me! Has anybody moved on this quickly? Does it work? How is it even possible? I know I couldn't form a strong, healthy relationship right now. Any replies would be greatly appreciated!

Well if he was unhappy for the last two months of your relationship it really wasn't moving on instantly. Try not to let this guy ruin it for you in the future. The guy was a jerk for not telling you he wasn't happy and out of the blue breaking up with you. Some people are like that. They hang on to the people they have until something better comes along. I'm sorry you got mixe up with one.

Butterfly,

Same thing happened to me five years ago. After 4 years of friendship and 18 months of dating, the last 12 of which we lived together - we both moved to separate cities after college about 300 miles apart. She broke up with me and within a week had asked another guy out. I was furious. I felt like she kept me hanging around until she was fairly certain this guy would say "yes" or would ask her out if she was single again. I even believe that she probably discussed it with him before breaking up with me (ie, ``I'm in a relationship, but I'll break up with him and we can start dating") No, things weren't perfect for us at the time. But I felt totally blindsided and betrayed. She gave no hints it was coming. I remain friends with her to this day, but I think she suffers from extremely weak character and I haven't dated since. There are other factors for this, but at the time I was so devastated and felt so betrayed I vowed never to trust a woman again. It was terrible and I can totally relate to what you're going through. Best of luck!
Dave

There are a couple of other possibilities to throw out there:
It's possible that the ex was already dating, or getting to know, the new person BEFORE the break-up even happened,
and
There are alot of people who just cannot stand to be alone. Without a relationship they seem to think they are no one and they get involved in a rebound relationship. Then they don't have to think about what went wrong and what part they had to play in it.

I know there are other reasons out there, howzabout it gang??

n/t

[This message has been edited by TeTr01 (edited 10-08-2003).]

This has happened to me as well. I spent 3 years with a guy and I was very much in love with him and we were very close (or so I thought). Well, he started getting "bored" with the relationship, and the second a pretty girl walked by he told me there was someone else and that was it. No second thoughts.

I hate to say this, but it's almost as if some guys just don't care as much as we'd like them to. As long as they know they have another girl waiting in the wings they don't cry over a broken heart because someone else is already there to soothe his ego.

Thank you all for all of your replies, they help very much.
Cloverberry, I realize that he probably didn't suddenly fall out of love with me, but I am glad that you feel that he was a jerk for not telling me. I knew we were having problems, but we were always together, went camping every weekend, and always said we loved eachother. So, it is very hard from my side, because I thought he loved me all along.

Stolie, thank you for your story, I am sorry that you have had to go through the same type of thing. It really hurts, personally this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.

Hoosier, I totally think, now that he found her before he officially broke it off, because he broke up with me on a Thursday, he took this girl camping with him on Friday!!! Even a stupid girl wouldn't do that! She had to have known him for awhile! It really sucks!!!!!

TeTr01, Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It really helps to know that crap happens to everyone else, too! That is really cool that you guys got back together. I don't think I will ever be so lucky, however he has hurt me too bad. I could never trust him again, it would never be the same!!! I totally relate that you feel you can't be alone. I am the same way, I don't know how to be alone. I haven't been boyfriend-less since I was 15!! It is really scary.

Kewlgirl, I am sorry that you, too had to go through something so hurtful. I think he doesn't care, or he feels that if he didn't hurry and get another girlfriend, he would go back to me. I thought he was better than that! It sucks that it took 5 years to find out the true him. It is just really hard. What did you do to get over it??? I have a really hard time sometimes, I get impulses to call him, and I sometimes act on them. I try to forget about him, but it is really hard. It's like when someone says, "Don't think about elephants", what do you automatically think about? I keep playing scenes in my head, about him and that girl! It really hurts. I guess it will just take time, that really sucks! Thanks again for all of the replies!

people are extremely different, I'm sure he hasn't completely forgotten about you, but he has the ability to move on with someone else faster that's all. My brother was with someone for 6 and a half years from the time he was 15 until he was 22 and he started dating someone a week later. I on the other hand feel the need to be single for ahwile, but usually the first one is a rebound anyway, I don't think that anyone can possibly date someone for that long and then just start with someone else and never have it effect them. In my opinion it screws you up more when you never have time to breathe.

I totally agree!!! I don't see how this relationship he has can work for very long. All his feelings for me are buried right now, but someday I hope they all come spilling out and it's too late for him. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. He hasn't hurt or missed me, and if he was hurting in our relationship he should have made that more clear. I have had to hurt and that is not fair. I just hope someday he realizes what he has done! However, the way I see him now, he is heartless. He may not have compassion left in him to feel bad! Oh well!!! I am trying to move on and not think about him.