sherry70
07-25-2002, 01:45 PM
Hi everyone, I have never posted here before but I have been reading with interest for a long time now.
I am a 31 year old female and I don't really know where to begin to tell this story other than this...23 years ago, when I was 8 years old my elementary school introduced an international friendship program where we got a list of participating school children from all over the world who wanted a pen pal. The rule was that you could pick one pen pal. I picked a girl from Greece and we wrote back and forth for about 5 years and then it slowly faded off until we lost contact. What I didn't realize was that the same list was also given to other children to pick a name. I was chosen by a cute little 9 year old Italian boy desperatly trying to learn English. The years went by and we kept very close contact...sometimes receiving and sending up to 4 letters a week. To make a long story short...by the time we were older teenagers through till the age of about 24 the conversations became some what racey at times and as odd as this may sound we seemed to be developing a loving relationship for each other. We often laughed about how silly it was to be so crazy for someone you have never met. Soon after started dating a man and he was furious about my pen pal (although I told pen pal about my new relationship and he respected it and then our letters were only in a friendly nature) My new man insisted I end my contact with my pen pal and I reluctantly done so. I felt bad about it and worried it was the worse mistake I ever made. The relationship between the new man and I only lasted a few years, I wonder if I could not get over the resentment of him demanding I have no contact with my pen pal. One day 5 years after ending my friendship with my pen pal I was talking to a hometown friend on ICQ and I get this strange message saying "hello darling" in Italian. My heart stopped for what seemed like forever until I checked the user info and guess what!! It was him!! I appologized to my faithful childhood pen friend and he forgave me. Problem now begins....I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years but in those 4 years I have continued my pen pal relationship via mostly internet now and I am scared to tell my partner for fear that he will too insist I lose contact with my pen pal again. The weird thing is I have to go to Brazil for my work and I have not told my pen pal about this but last week he told me he would be going to Brazil in June of next year for a sport tournament. It is the same week that I will be there. We have never met and I am playing with the idea of telling him that I will be there also but I am not sure if things would only stay on a friendly terms. I am so confused as I feel if I don't meet him I will regret it but on the other hand I can not say that I do not have strong feeling for him. I have never had an affair on anyone I have ever dated and I really do not want to but..............
God I wish I could just get over this but he has been a part of my life for almost 24 years. (sounds so corny to say it that way as it was just through letters, internet, and phone)
IMPUT PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
I think it will help to hear how others see this because my thoughts on this are very one sided.
Sorry this was so long but if your still here thanks for letting me vent! :-)
I am a 31 year old female and I don't really know where to begin to tell this story other than this...23 years ago, when I was 8 years old my elementary school introduced an international friendship program where we got a list of participating school children from all over the world who wanted a pen pal. The rule was that you could pick one pen pal. I picked a girl from Greece and we wrote back and forth for about 5 years and then it slowly faded off until we lost contact. What I didn't realize was that the same list was also given to other children to pick a name. I was chosen by a cute little 9 year old Italian boy desperatly trying to learn English. The years went by and we kept very close contact...sometimes receiving and sending up to 4 letters a week. To make a long story short...by the time we were older teenagers through till the age of about 24 the conversations became some what racey at times and as odd as this may sound we seemed to be developing a loving relationship for each other. We often laughed about how silly it was to be so crazy for someone you have never met. Soon after started dating a man and he was furious about my pen pal (although I told pen pal about my new relationship and he respected it and then our letters were only in a friendly nature) My new man insisted I end my contact with my pen pal and I reluctantly done so. I felt bad about it and worried it was the worse mistake I ever made. The relationship between the new man and I only lasted a few years, I wonder if I could not get over the resentment of him demanding I have no contact with my pen pal. One day 5 years after ending my friendship with my pen pal I was talking to a hometown friend on ICQ and I get this strange message saying "hello darling" in Italian. My heart stopped for what seemed like forever until I checked the user info and guess what!! It was him!! I appologized to my faithful childhood pen friend and he forgave me. Problem now begins....I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years but in those 4 years I have continued my pen pal relationship via mostly internet now and I am scared to tell my partner for fear that he will too insist I lose contact with my pen pal again. The weird thing is I have to go to Brazil for my work and I have not told my pen pal about this but last week he told me he would be going to Brazil in June of next year for a sport tournament. It is the same week that I will be there. We have never met and I am playing with the idea of telling him that I will be there also but I am not sure if things would only stay on a friendly terms. I am so confused as I feel if I don't meet him I will regret it but on the other hand I can not say that I do not have strong feeling for him. I have never had an affair on anyone I have ever dated and I really do not want to but..............
God I wish I could just get over this but he has been a part of my life for almost 24 years. (sounds so corny to say it that way as it was just through letters, internet, and phone)
IMPUT PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
I think it will help to hear how others see this because my thoughts on this are very one sided.
Sorry this was so long but if your still here thanks for letting me vent! :-)
Sponsor
columbia
07-25-2002, 02:43 PM
Something are fate, and whatever is between you two seems to be fate. You keep being united and reunited over and over again, i hope you realize that. I dont know what your feelings are for your current boyfriend, but sometimes you meet your true love while your in another relationship. Or perhaps your current boyfriend is your true love, but seeing as how you and your pen pal are continously connected in truly fascinating ways strikes me rather odd---and I would interpret that as fate. (Not to sound corny---but geesh they're just too many coincidences!) And perhaps you two only develop a friendship or maybe a romantic one. But as i said for many people you find true love while your already committed to someone else---and those are just the twists of life. Follow your heart, and no man should ever force you to give up a friend, like you ex did. If it was purely a platonic relationship, you have all the right in the world to have as many male friends you want, and if your partner can't trust you then he's not worth your time.
Hope it all turns out well.
Hope it all turns out well.
ChillinInLkMary
07-25-2002, 03:43 PM
I agree I feel as though it is fate! I would go for it and meet him. He has been a part of your life for almost 24 years, sounds to me like you two are made for each other. I have been married for 9 years and about 6 months I met a male friend on-line while playing jeopardy. Over the past 6 months we have become really good friends. My husband knows all about him and is not jealous at all. Don't give up your friends.
In my situation I'm even friends with his wife now and she knows all about me and our family. They are a great couple and I enjoy talking with both of them.
Good Luck to you and follow your heart!!!
[This message has been edited by ChillinInLkMary (edited 07-25-2002).]
In my situation I'm even friends with his wife now and she knows all about me and our family. They are a great couple and I enjoy talking with both of them.
Good Luck to you and follow your heart!!!
[This message has been edited by ChillinInLkMary (edited 07-25-2002).]
sherry70
07-25-2002, 04:35 PM
Thanks for answering my post, good points for me to consider!
KC Lee
07-25-2002, 07:12 PM
Sherry, I'm no expert but, it sounds like you definitley have strong feelings for this person. The problem that I'm having is that I wonder if it is partly guilt for pushing him out of your life at your ex's request. If you don't go see this person, you will never know. And you will probably have resentment toward your current boyfriend in the long run. You should do what's in your heart. Is the boyfriend "Mr, Right" or "Mr. Right now"???? Think of it this way. If the "pen pal" were to say to you tomorrow, "I'm in a relationship. She is the one. We want to get married". Would you be crushed? Would you care? You only live once and you are very lucky to have all these men in your life that love/loved you. But, many people go through life picking people at random because they don't want to be alone. Not because they TRULY love these people. I'm not saying, "Yes, by all means! Go to Brazil and cheat on your boyfriend"! I'm saying that you need to figure out what your TRUE feelings are for this guy and whether you can go thru your life in the relationship you are currently in or whether the pen pal is the person you really want to be with. But, you should take the opportunity to go to Brazil, meet up with the guy and be willing to talk openly about whatever comes up. Just because you meet up with him does not mean you have to shack up with the guy or anything. You can be in control.
[This message has been edited by paddington (edited 08-18-2002).]
[This message has been edited by paddington (edited 08-18-2002).]
Angie E
07-25-2002, 11:26 PM
If you don't go, you will always wonder...
Lets say you don't go and you end of marrying mr. 4 years. Down the line, the Italian guy shows up in your hometown...what then?
better now than later!
Lets say you don't go and you end of marrying mr. 4 years. Down the line, the Italian guy shows up in your hometown...what then?
better now than later!
AshLin
07-26-2002, 05:53 PM
All I can say is do it. Meet him. You can make your decision about the romantic side of it when you get there. You may just have a fabulous time together.... why close yourself off to something that could be amazing. We are alive to live... LIVE honey.. go meet your italian man.
sherry70
07-27-2002, 01:00 PM
Thanks for all the replies! To my suprise...your answers are not at all like I expected. I expected everyone to tell me not to go through with seeing him. Of course I like your answers much better! lol
P.S-I LMAO about not having to make it a f*** fest...did I imply or give the idea it was going to be or......maybe you read my mind?? haha (kidding)
P.S-I LMAO about not having to make it a f*** fest...did I imply or give the idea it was going to be or......maybe you read my mind?? haha (kidding)
Michael _aka_Sparky
08-16-2002, 06:30 PM
Sherry70, You say you are only dating at this time? I say go for it. I get the feeling that you know a heck of a lot more about your pen pal than any one you've had a relationship with. I mean, 15-20 yrs of writting each other. WOW!!! That's cool, and a true commitment.
Enjoy your travels next June.
Sparky
Enjoy your travels next June.
Sparky
maybelle
08-16-2002, 06:48 PM
Hi Sherry70,
Are you meeting him a year from now??? Why don't you just get it over and make plans to meet him now. I can't imagine being in limbo for another year because at this point it seems like you really cant mentally committ to anyone until you meet this guy. Are you scared of facing him?????
Are you meeting him a year from now??? Why don't you just get it over and make plans to meet him now. I can't imagine being in limbo for another year because at this point it seems like you really cant mentally committ to anyone until you meet this guy. Are you scared of facing him?????
paramedik1
08-16-2002, 09:49 PM
I think maybelle has a point....either meet him now or the week you will be in Brazil, but for gods sakes meet him sometime....
ADepressedGuy
08-17-2002, 12:38 AM
This is sick and misleading. I don't care which man you choose, but if you run off and meet this man from Brazil, you need to drop the current relationship or tell him about it... These are two men with emotions, feelings, and a heart. Say you wonder off, and get wrapped up into the heat of the moment as most humans do, and have sex -- you may of procreated another life or ran the risk of putting you boyfriend back at home at risk for a number of diseases and infections, they run high in other countries. You can't help your feelings but you CAN help their feelings, stay where your at and wonder, or leave the relationship and take a chance in Brazil.
maybelle
08-17-2002, 01:01 AM
I think that she needs to go NOW and not wait till next June, a year from now, because that just seems like mental torture and she has already said that she has strong feelings for him. Give the girl a break, she has resisted the temptation of seeing this guy for years and years, maybe already 10-20 years. Who knows, maybe it just might be a strong friendship or maybe it might be the love of her life. I think she deserves to go see him. I do agree that she should tell her current boyfriend the entire story and if he truely cares for her and loves her and they are meant to be then he will understand and wait for her.
sherry70
08-17-2002, 03:12 AM
Well it has been a few weeks since I first posted and I have been very thankful for all the great advise!
I went ahead and told my pen pal that I will be in the same country as him at the same time. I also explained my guilt and concerns about my current b/f to him and he is quite understanding. He said it is my choice to tell him or not and he will not pressure me in anyway. And if I choose not to tell him, he promises he will respect the fact that I am in another relationship and just be thankful to finally meet me person to person. I have to say that it might be easier said than done...no matter what he promises...and what I tell myself before I get there!
Truth is I love this guy to death and I have no doubt he feels the same! How the heck can that happen? Is that weird or sick?
Sad part of it all is that as for the affair I am in fear of having, I have realized I am already having the worse kind of affair possible-he controls my heart!
To answer some questions-
KC Lee-"If the "pen pal" were to say to you tomorrow, "I'm in a relationship. She is the one. We want to get married". Would you be crushed? Would you care?"
YES, I have often thought about the day this might happen, how I would handle it, etc. We have always been open with each other about our relationships we were currently involved in and we both promised to be honest but at the same time laughed about the jealousy we felt about it. I would be crushed if this happened!
maybelle-"Are you meeting him a year from now??? and Are you scared of facing him????"
YES, it will be in 10 months and as for doing it now, if you could see this from my point of view, after 24 years, I can hold on for 10 months. Especially cause I am a big believer in fate and I think that fate was that were are both going to be there at the same time, unfortunatly in June! I am not really scared of facing him. I am more afraid of the complications that might come with a very good meeting than one that just leaves us as friends. Mostly because we live so far apart. I guess I am more nervous than anything, I get a burning feeling in my stomach and big time flutters just talking on the phone..so what will it be like in person? It's still just a little overwhelming but it is also very exciting.
ADepressedGuy-Your right too! What I am considering is not fair nor is it easy, that is why I am posting here...for help. If it was easy I wouldn't bother everyone with my situation, I would just do it! :-)
I am not a tramp, at least I have never been one before so I am not going to have sex with him, then jump back in b/f's bed the day I get home. But I do understand what you're saying!
Hope this answers all your questions and you are all a great source of support!
LOL-I hope no one thinks I am off my rocker!
I went ahead and told my pen pal that I will be in the same country as him at the same time. I also explained my guilt and concerns about my current b/f to him and he is quite understanding. He said it is my choice to tell him or not and he will not pressure me in anyway. And if I choose not to tell him, he promises he will respect the fact that I am in another relationship and just be thankful to finally meet me person to person. I have to say that it might be easier said than done...no matter what he promises...and what I tell myself before I get there!
Truth is I love this guy to death and I have no doubt he feels the same! How the heck can that happen? Is that weird or sick?
Sad part of it all is that as for the affair I am in fear of having, I have realized I am already having the worse kind of affair possible-he controls my heart!
To answer some questions-
KC Lee-"If the "pen pal" were to say to you tomorrow, "I'm in a relationship. She is the one. We want to get married". Would you be crushed? Would you care?"
YES, I have often thought about the day this might happen, how I would handle it, etc. We have always been open with each other about our relationships we were currently involved in and we both promised to be honest but at the same time laughed about the jealousy we felt about it. I would be crushed if this happened!
maybelle-"Are you meeting him a year from now??? and Are you scared of facing him????"
YES, it will be in 10 months and as for doing it now, if you could see this from my point of view, after 24 years, I can hold on for 10 months. Especially cause I am a big believer in fate and I think that fate was that were are both going to be there at the same time, unfortunatly in June! I am not really scared of facing him. I am more afraid of the complications that might come with a very good meeting than one that just leaves us as friends. Mostly because we live so far apart. I guess I am more nervous than anything, I get a burning feeling in my stomach and big time flutters just talking on the phone..so what will it be like in person? It's still just a little overwhelming but it is also very exciting.
ADepressedGuy-Your right too! What I am considering is not fair nor is it easy, that is why I am posting here...for help. If it was easy I wouldn't bother everyone with my situation, I would just do it! :-)
I am not a tramp, at least I have never been one before so I am not going to have sex with him, then jump back in b/f's bed the day I get home. But I do understand what you're saying!
Hope this answers all your questions and you are all a great source of support!
LOL-I hope no one thinks I am off my rocker!
maybelle
08-17-2002, 04:58 AM
Sherry70,
I don't understand why you are afraid of it being a "very good meeting rather then one that leads to just a friendship"? Aren't you both not married or engaged? If it does work out and distance is the only problem- but that seems like a problem that can be worked out. Is there something else that is holding you back from your feelings for this guy?? Please do let me know. I know it sounds off the wall but do you have an inner gut feeling that you will fall madly inlove with this guy and then for some reason never be able to marry him???
I don't understand why you are afraid of it being a "very good meeting rather then one that leads to just a friendship"? Aren't you both not married or engaged? If it does work out and distance is the only problem- but that seems like a problem that can be worked out. Is there something else that is holding you back from your feelings for this guy?? Please do let me know. I know it sounds off the wall but do you have an inner gut feeling that you will fall madly inlove with this guy and then for some reason never be able to marry him???
sherry70
08-17-2002, 05:10 AM
Maybelle-Possibly---if he was to move here, would he be happy being so far from his family, his friends, he plays on an international sports team that Canada don't have a lot of, he is a teacher there..I don't think there is demand for Male Italian Elementary Teachers here. I guess I worry that he wouldn't be happy. I am so messed up over this! Thanks for being here! I appreciate it!
Greenberry
08-18-2002, 10:14 AM
If you were married, I would vote absolutely do not meet him! When you marry someone, all previous obligations should be put aside. But since you are not married, I say, meet him now, and see what happens!
dsheldon3
08-18-2002, 01:44 PM
From what you posted as the subject of this is that this is only going to be an affair or (***k fest)!lol.Go see the guy but keep in mind that this is only an affair.Don't let yourself fall in love with this guy or you will put yourself through HE!! trying to decide which man to choose and you DO love your current boyfriend and if you break up with him you will be devestated even if you do have the Italian guy to fall back on.So just keep in mind that its ONLY an affair and I think that would be safest way to handle it emotionally.
sherry70
08-18-2002, 04:51 PM
Thanks for your reply but unfortunatly I think it is too late to say not to fall in love with the guy!
maybelle
08-18-2002, 07:36 PM
Hi Sherry70,
I still don't understand. Have you already made a committment to marry your current boyfriend??? Are you inlove with him? Do you even feel sexually and physically attracted to him?? If the answer is no, then I think it is alright to take a chance with the Italian guy and don't think of it as an affair because then you are already setting yourself up for heartbreak because ultimately all affairs have an ending. But, Sherry70, let me know - are you even physically attracted to your current boyfriend or is just more of an emotional connection?
I still don't understand. Have you already made a committment to marry your current boyfriend??? Are you inlove with him? Do you even feel sexually and physically attracted to him?? If the answer is no, then I think it is alright to take a chance with the Italian guy and don't think of it as an affair because then you are already setting yourself up for heartbreak because ultimately all affairs have an ending. But, Sherry70, let me know - are you even physically attracted to your current boyfriend or is just more of an emotional connection?
mydog8mybrain
08-19-2002, 12:25 AM
Boy! What a post! Did this one get the board going or what!
I'm with the rest of 'em...... Got for it kiddo. However, I'd give it a difficult twist. Get level with your current b/f. Honesty seems like the best policy here.
Good luck.
I'm with the rest of 'em...... Got for it kiddo. However, I'd give it a difficult twist. Get level with your current b/f. Honesty seems like the best policy here.
Good luck.
sherry70
08-19-2002, 02:01 PM
This is a hard one-I guess to answer your questions the truth of the whole matter is that I am not completely in love with my current bf anymore. I guess I am not even sure if I ever was.
Our relationship is serious though, we have been together for 4 years and he is good to me in a lot of ways but I have many needs that he does not fill. He lies a lot to me, he is crabby a lot, and sex is not very desirable. He is not always as emotionally supportive as I wish and he works very very long hours (at his choice) Yet he tell me he loves me and can not live without me...yada, yada, yada.
This dont change the fact that I do still care about him and I am probably just staying in this relationship because it is "normal" If you know what I mean. My penpal relationship on the other hand is not "normal" How in the name of god can you be in love with someone you have never even met??????? But, I am!
I do wonder if I have been comparing my relationships to my relationship with my pen friend, causing me to never be happy. It is easy for your mind to create a perfect soul mate with someone who is not with you 24-7.
I am in a position where I am really considering doing something terrible and I know it is not 100% right! What I want to do is meet my penpal with strict guidelines made ahead of time where we both agree there will be "NO" sex. A friend basis only and see how it goes. Possibly I will discover that all there really is between us is a great friendship. If our feelings are confirmed and we both feel much more for each other then I will have to deal with that once I am sure it is what it really is.
I know it is not right to keep it a secret from my bf but I do not want to dump him and then figure out I was wrong...I am not really giving him a fair chance when my heart is usually elsewhere.
I can make the arrangements that when we meet there will be no opportunity for anything other than a platonic meeting, such as a restaurant or whatever.
I feel like the people you see on tv who have a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other! LOL
I can post parts of my Italian friends letter I got from him a couple days ago explaining what he feels about our meeting if this would help yous give me more informed advise...maybe I am missing something someone else might be able to pick up on!
Let me know if this would help!
Thanks so much for listening!!
Our relationship is serious though, we have been together for 4 years and he is good to me in a lot of ways but I have many needs that he does not fill. He lies a lot to me, he is crabby a lot, and sex is not very desirable. He is not always as emotionally supportive as I wish and he works very very long hours (at his choice) Yet he tell me he loves me and can not live without me...yada, yada, yada.
This dont change the fact that I do still care about him and I am probably just staying in this relationship because it is "normal" If you know what I mean. My penpal relationship on the other hand is not "normal" How in the name of god can you be in love with someone you have never even met??????? But, I am!
I do wonder if I have been comparing my relationships to my relationship with my pen friend, causing me to never be happy. It is easy for your mind to create a perfect soul mate with someone who is not with you 24-7.
I am in a position where I am really considering doing something terrible and I know it is not 100% right! What I want to do is meet my penpal with strict guidelines made ahead of time where we both agree there will be "NO" sex. A friend basis only and see how it goes. Possibly I will discover that all there really is between us is a great friendship. If our feelings are confirmed and we both feel much more for each other then I will have to deal with that once I am sure it is what it really is.
I know it is not right to keep it a secret from my bf but I do not want to dump him and then figure out I was wrong...I am not really giving him a fair chance when my heart is usually elsewhere.
I can make the arrangements that when we meet there will be no opportunity for anything other than a platonic meeting, such as a restaurant or whatever.
I feel like the people you see on tv who have a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other! LOL
I can post parts of my Italian friends letter I got from him a couple days ago explaining what he feels about our meeting if this would help yous give me more informed advise...maybe I am missing something someone else might be able to pick up on!
Let me know if this would help!
Thanks so much for listening!!
sherry70
08-19-2002, 03:29 PM
Here is the letter I got from him a couple days ago...God I hope he doesn't find this board haha!
His English is not the greatest but I think you'll get the basics from it!
My sweet (Name)
The days past have been spent thinking very much of u. Like always but this time is more cause I am wory for ur feelings.
I no u have much to decide about because of bf and (child's name) and for me this is easy so I think if I speak to u about what I want for us will give ur conshents clear help. (I hop u understand wot I am trying to tell u cause ur english is much beter than I)
U have ben very important part of my life for many years. Sometime I go back for long years ago and read ur letters when we wer little. I thank u for helping me to learn to spek english and I want to learn cause of u and ur encoragment. Remember when u used to return my letters with pen in red with corections? LOL
UR again my reason for job choice I was hapy to have job in book store but u tell me to think of the future and get good education for myself u were rite. I do it also for myself but ur why I begin to think of that I like to be of help so becoming teacher for children was wise chioce.
U were always helping to see desision I must make and even somtime you help me when u didnt no. (Joking) U send me pic of ur nu hair when we was 16 u was mad and I call to tell u it was beutiful and u cry and have tantrum. I have lerned since to not spek to the female about the hair! LOL
Yesterday last I was to have dinner with the parents. I tell them I will e looking to meet with u in June. My mother had many tear and said was good but she always nu the day would come and fear of me leaving. She say she is happy it is now when I m older not when 21. Father was silent until we were alone and he say only to me, that me and u have had relationship that is special and him and mother had talk many time about someday I will go see u. He said we have had lot of time to no each others heart and we have much dedication for each other. Also that he spend half my life to look at my but hannging from box in search for ur post! LOL
Short is I think always of u more than friend and I want to live all my days with u. But it is for ur decision if u want meet with me. If u say yes this will be the day I have wanted for my life. If u want to meet for friendship I will be happy to cause I do not want to have u gone again from my life. I will respect what u want and remember that I love u for what we have now but I no we will love each other for more if u want this!
I hop this letter will help u better understand wot I think for us but I think u already no this!
Hugs, kisses and prayers,
Love (Name)
His English is not the greatest but I think you'll get the basics from it!
My sweet (Name)
The days past have been spent thinking very much of u. Like always but this time is more cause I am wory for ur feelings.
I no u have much to decide about because of bf and (child's name) and for me this is easy so I think if I speak to u about what I want for us will give ur conshents clear help. (I hop u understand wot I am trying to tell u cause ur english is much beter than I)
U have ben very important part of my life for many years. Sometime I go back for long years ago and read ur letters when we wer little. I thank u for helping me to learn to spek english and I want to learn cause of u and ur encoragment. Remember when u used to return my letters with pen in red with corections? LOL
UR again my reason for job choice I was hapy to have job in book store but u tell me to think of the future and get good education for myself u were rite. I do it also for myself but ur why I begin to think of that I like to be of help so becoming teacher for children was wise chioce.
U were always helping to see desision I must make and even somtime you help me when u didnt no. (Joking) U send me pic of ur nu hair when we was 16 u was mad and I call to tell u it was beutiful and u cry and have tantrum. I have lerned since to not spek to the female about the hair! LOL
Yesterday last I was to have dinner with the parents. I tell them I will e looking to meet with u in June. My mother had many tear and said was good but she always nu the day would come and fear of me leaving. She say she is happy it is now when I m older not when 21. Father was silent until we were alone and he say only to me, that me and u have had relationship that is special and him and mother had talk many time about someday I will go see u. He said we have had lot of time to no each others heart and we have much dedication for each other. Also that he spend half my life to look at my but hannging from box in search for ur post! LOL
Short is I think always of u more than friend and I want to live all my days with u. But it is for ur decision if u want meet with me. If u say yes this will be the day I have wanted for my life. If u want to meet for friendship I will be happy to cause I do not want to have u gone again from my life. I will respect what u want and remember that I love u for what we have now but I no we will love each other for more if u want this!
I hop this letter will help u better understand wot I think for us but I think u already no this!
Hugs, kisses and prayers,
Love (Name)
dsheldon3
08-19-2002, 04:12 PM
Dump the BF ! Attack the Italian .
maybelle
08-19-2002, 06:32 PM
Sherry70,
I think you have what seems to be the perfect guy!!! He wants you and I think you should want him back.. All the way. I think you should go with your current plan of seeing him and if it is more than friendship then break it off with your boyfriend. It is up to you wether you want to tell your boyfriend... you can just say that you are going to meet a childhood penpal that you have had since you were a kid. If he doesn't accept that then maybe he really is not worth it.
I think you have what seems to be the perfect guy!!! He wants you and I think you should want him back.. All the way. I think you should go with your current plan of seeing him and if it is more than friendship then break it off with your boyfriend. It is up to you wether you want to tell your boyfriend... you can just say that you are going to meet a childhood penpal that you have had since you were a kid. If he doesn't accept that then maybe he really is not worth it.
*SoccerMom*
08-19-2002, 08:27 PM
Wow! What a story....sounds like a romance novel or something. I think you should definitely go see him and give it a shot! I also think you should be honest with your boyfriend about it though. I think he should understand that this is someone that you have been in contact with for YEARS. If by some chance it doesn't work out with the Italian, you may see your current bf in a new light too. You never know in love and war! :)
Best of luck to you!
(I am a little jealous of the romantic side of it!)
Best of luck to you!
(I am a little jealous of the romantic side of it!)
ana_24
08-20-2002, 05:06 PM
Sherry, I got goosebumps reading that letter. It sounds like the two of you have an incredible connection that has transcended time. I think that if you don't meet him, you will wonder for the rest of your life "what if"... and what could have been. You will never be fully happy with anyone and you will never be able to give yourself heart and soul to another man because a part of your hear will always belong to him.
About your current boyfriend.. I think if you and him were meant to be, you wouldn't be entertaining any thoughts of meeting your pen pal. I think you would know in your heart that he was the one but it sounds like you have serious doubts. You should NEVER settle in a relationship because life is short and you only live once!
Now to play devil's advocate... just keep in mind that you have never met this guy. In your mind, you may have glamorized him to be something he's not. However, you will never know unless you meet him and spend time with him. If it's meant to be, the two of you will cross all barriers and will figure out a way of making it work. Good luck and definitely keep us posted! He sounds head over heals in love with you and he seems like such a sweetie! Those Italian men... they really know how to romance a woman...lol... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif
About your current boyfriend.. I think if you and him were meant to be, you wouldn't be entertaining any thoughts of meeting your pen pal. I think you would know in your heart that he was the one but it sounds like you have serious doubts. You should NEVER settle in a relationship because life is short and you only live once!
Now to play devil's advocate... just keep in mind that you have never met this guy. In your mind, you may have glamorized him to be something he's not. However, you will never know unless you meet him and spend time with him. If it's meant to be, the two of you will cross all barriers and will figure out a way of making it work. Good luck and definitely keep us posted! He sounds head over heals in love with you and he seems like such a sweetie! Those Italian men... they really know how to romance a woman...lol... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif
maybelle
08-21-2002, 06:43 PM
Hi Sherry70,
Hey don't forgot to keep us posted every now and then. Good Luck!!!
Hey don't forgot to keep us posted every now and then. Good Luck!!!
AshLin
08-22-2002, 08:50 PM
sherri,
wow wow wow wow wow.. that man was speaking purely from his heart. I can't believe you are even questioning the morality of this.. MEET HIM... you even said that you aren't sure you are in love with your currant bf.. OMG MEET HIM... wow wow wow wow.
I felt the love honey..
wow wow wow wow wow.. that man was speaking purely from his heart. I can't believe you are even questioning the morality of this.. MEET HIM... you even said that you aren't sure you are in love with your currant bf.. OMG MEET HIM... wow wow wow wow.
I felt the love honey..
sherry70
08-23-2002, 12:55 PM
Hi Guys...thanks for all the support!
dsheldon3-I know...the temptation's all point in that direction! LOL
maybelle-I really don't doubt my pen friends sincerity, he has been there for me in every thing of my life...of course never in person but always found a way to let me know he was there. The night I went into labour with my child he had called me and I told him I was going to have the baby, he was more freaked out than me. The next morning when I woke up, in my room was 2 huge vases of roses delivered from him, one said "To The Wonderful Mommy", the other said "To The Very Lucky Baby" It was incredible, and I actually cried. Ironically, that was when my ex bf lost it and said no more. I guess the fantasy of being a new mother and tring to make a relationship with the babies dad work was why I did lose contact with him for a while.
For the past 4 years he has constantly sent gifts for me and my child. Every year when the season begins he sends the new jersey and T-shirts to my child from his sport team.
I have a guy friend (cousin) who knows about all this with my pen friend and he says becareful cause men will try to get into a womans pants by showing attention to their kids...LOL...I don't think this is the case with him...and if it is it sure is the most dedication I ever saw for a booty call! LOL
*SoccerMom*- QUOTE-"If by some chance it doesn't work out with the Italian, you may see your current bf in a new light too. You never know in love and war!"
Very interesting...I couldn't find the words to explain the way I was feeling about all this...but you have done it perfectly!
ana_24-You so right about the things you are saying...I am so torn between doing the right thing and doing what is easier for me. Sometimes I look at my life and I think...I am so damn tired of pleasing everyone else and doing what will be the best for everyone but me. I have wasted so many years being what everyone else (mainly my ex and current bf) expected and what was considered "right." I guess what I have gotten out of these relationships was my "dignity" from knowing I have always done my best no matter what the cost. This time I really don't know!
AshLin-Your right wow wow wow wow...LOL
He has been an incredible friend and very supportive in every way. I don't question the morality of him thats for sure, just myself for considering to meet him behind my bf's back! :-)
You have all been a god send for helping me deal with this and I am forever thankful.
PS-Sorry I didn't reply right away...I just wait for a few replies to answer back so others on here can have a chance to get to the top of the board and get some questions answered too...I try not to be a board monopolizer! LOL...I hate it when ppl. do that!! :-)
Believe me I check first thing every morning looking for replies. I read them all and really consider what everyone is advising.
dsheldon3-I know...the temptation's all point in that direction! LOL
maybelle-I really don't doubt my pen friends sincerity, he has been there for me in every thing of my life...of course never in person but always found a way to let me know he was there. The night I went into labour with my child he had called me and I told him I was going to have the baby, he was more freaked out than me. The next morning when I woke up, in my room was 2 huge vases of roses delivered from him, one said "To The Wonderful Mommy", the other said "To The Very Lucky Baby" It was incredible, and I actually cried. Ironically, that was when my ex bf lost it and said no more. I guess the fantasy of being a new mother and tring to make a relationship with the babies dad work was why I did lose contact with him for a while.
For the past 4 years he has constantly sent gifts for me and my child. Every year when the season begins he sends the new jersey and T-shirts to my child from his sport team.
I have a guy friend (cousin) who knows about all this with my pen friend and he says becareful cause men will try to get into a womans pants by showing attention to their kids...LOL...I don't think this is the case with him...and if it is it sure is the most dedication I ever saw for a booty call! LOL
*SoccerMom*- QUOTE-"If by some chance it doesn't work out with the Italian, you may see your current bf in a new light too. You never know in love and war!"
Very interesting...I couldn't find the words to explain the way I was feeling about all this...but you have done it perfectly!
ana_24-You so right about the things you are saying...I am so torn between doing the right thing and doing what is easier for me. Sometimes I look at my life and I think...I am so damn tired of pleasing everyone else and doing what will be the best for everyone but me. I have wasted so many years being what everyone else (mainly my ex and current bf) expected and what was considered "right." I guess what I have gotten out of these relationships was my "dignity" from knowing I have always done my best no matter what the cost. This time I really don't know!
AshLin-Your right wow wow wow wow...LOL
He has been an incredible friend and very supportive in every way. I don't question the morality of him thats for sure, just myself for considering to meet him behind my bf's back! :-)
You have all been a god send for helping me deal with this and I am forever thankful.
PS-Sorry I didn't reply right away...I just wait for a few replies to answer back so others on here can have a chance to get to the top of the board and get some questions answered too...I try not to be a board monopolizer! LOL...I hate it when ppl. do that!! :-)
Believe me I check first thing every morning looking for replies. I read them all and really consider what everyone is advising.
maybelle
08-23-2002, 06:56 PM
Hi sherry70,
Are you concerned that if you meet your penpal and like him - you will be doing the wrong thing. In a sense it will be wrong because you will have to dump your current boyfriend, but that is life.. and it happens all the time.. we meet many people of the opposite sex during our life until we finally meet the one and in the process we have to hurt others unfortunately. I think you are separating your heart from your mind. It seems they are going in opposite directions. I feel like your heart is telling you go for the Italian man and your mind is saying no it is the wrong thing. I had a friend who went through the exact same thing.. eventually she went with her mind and married the guy that was "the right thing to do" and left the guy that she was "inlove with". She is extremely happy and in a sense her doing the right thing is keeping her happy. But this guy is very good to her- he is not emotionaly abusive like your guy so it worked out very well. I think you have to decide too what you want to do. Each person is an individual but it seems like to me from your writings that if you choose not to follow your heart you will always regret it. My friend was more of a practical person so she could do it. If you are more of the emotional person, then it makes more sense to go with your heart. Do what is right for you, not what is the right thing to do.
[This message has been edited by maybelle (edited 08-23-2002).]
Are you concerned that if you meet your penpal and like him - you will be doing the wrong thing. In a sense it will be wrong because you will have to dump your current boyfriend, but that is life.. and it happens all the time.. we meet many people of the opposite sex during our life until we finally meet the one and in the process we have to hurt others unfortunately. I think you are separating your heart from your mind. It seems they are going in opposite directions. I feel like your heart is telling you go for the Italian man and your mind is saying no it is the wrong thing. I had a friend who went through the exact same thing.. eventually she went with her mind and married the guy that was "the right thing to do" and left the guy that she was "inlove with". She is extremely happy and in a sense her doing the right thing is keeping her happy. But this guy is very good to her- he is not emotionaly abusive like your guy so it worked out very well. I think you have to decide too what you want to do. Each person is an individual but it seems like to me from your writings that if you choose not to follow your heart you will always regret it. My friend was more of a practical person so she could do it. If you are more of the emotional person, then it makes more sense to go with your heart. Do what is right for you, not what is the right thing to do.
[This message has been edited by maybelle (edited 08-23-2002).]
magee
09-08-2002, 11:00 AM
Hey Sherry,
How's the saga coming along? This is such an interesting thread.... I'm waiting for the happy ending where you meet the Italian guy and live happily ever after...
How's the saga coming along? This is such an interesting thread.... I'm waiting for the happy ending where you meet the Italian guy and live happily ever after...
Twooda
09-08-2002, 11:59 AM
Hey!
What a juicy story that would make most Ladies cry. You know you have to keep us posted. You know , you two got to know each other on a different level that asn't on a sexual level first. That's one of the reasons why alot a relationship don't last. Two people are sexually attracted to each other, but they can stand each other. They find out after the baby or a std and regret that they were not right for each other. i mean , don't get me wrong, you two still have to see how you are together, but I just see great things for you two, and my name is not CLEO,lol!
And that's only if you two work at it. I can't stess enough how it has to be relationship that both of you work at. Oh my, your story is just precious! Let me put this keyboard down!
Peace!
Wooda
------------------
T-Wooda
What a juicy story that would make most Ladies cry. You know you have to keep us posted. You know , you two got to know each other on a different level that asn't on a sexual level first. That's one of the reasons why alot a relationship don't last. Two people are sexually attracted to each other, but they can stand each other. They find out after the baby or a std and regret that they were not right for each other. i mean , don't get me wrong, you two still have to see how you are together, but I just see great things for you two, and my name is not CLEO,lol!
And that's only if you two work at it. I can't stess enough how it has to be relationship that both of you work at. Oh my, your story is just precious! Let me put this keyboard down!
Peace!
Wooda
------------------
T-Wooda
sherry70
09-09-2002, 05:05 PM
Hi Girls thank you so much for your concern and advise! For the update-
Things for me and my current boyfriend have been rocky to say the least. My Pen friend has been spending a lot of time listening to me dump my sorrow and troubles on him. I guess really he has been the one who has kept me sane and always is able to me there emotionally for me. I have been in such yucky relationships in the past that I sometimes find myself questioning my pen friends intentions and that is not fair. I thought it only fair that I explain to him that even if we end up being together forever I will likely be bringing some past issues to our relationship with me. I think it would be unrealistic just to think we will not be faced with my past, the abuse and stuff is always showing it's ugly face in my life. He say's because I am able to recognise what triggers these things and most importantly am able to admit it, we can get through it. He says he loves me more than anything in the world, and whatever it takes to make me happy is what he will do.
In his jumbled english he says... "You can take for you all the time you need for your mind to be make. But I want not for you to wait so long that you are strucken by lifes bomb first. If you do only remember that I will be there still when the smoke and dust settle!"
My god!! He is such a sweetheart! I guess I am retarded for not running to him years ago!
I am going to do this girls, no matter what's at stake!
Things for me and my current boyfriend have been rocky to say the least. My Pen friend has been spending a lot of time listening to me dump my sorrow and troubles on him. I guess really he has been the one who has kept me sane and always is able to me there emotionally for me. I have been in such yucky relationships in the past that I sometimes find myself questioning my pen friends intentions and that is not fair. I thought it only fair that I explain to him that even if we end up being together forever I will likely be bringing some past issues to our relationship with me. I think it would be unrealistic just to think we will not be faced with my past, the abuse and stuff is always showing it's ugly face in my life. He say's because I am able to recognise what triggers these things and most importantly am able to admit it, we can get through it. He says he loves me more than anything in the world, and whatever it takes to make me happy is what he will do.
In his jumbled english he says... "You can take for you all the time you need for your mind to be make. But I want not for you to wait so long that you are strucken by lifes bomb first. If you do only remember that I will be there still when the smoke and dust settle!"
My god!! He is such a sweetheart! I guess I am retarded for not running to him years ago!
I am going to do this girls, no matter what's at stake!
magee
09-10-2002, 11:00 AM
Good for you! When are you going to meet him?
nadine
09-15-2002, 02:20 AM
Hey Sherry,
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[This message has been edited by nadine (edited 09-15-2002).]
nadine
09-15-2002, 02:21 AM
Hey Sherry,
Are you still going to wait until the fateful day or did you change your mind about seeing him earlier than that?? Keep us updated. He is so romantic- definately an Italian stud !
Are you still going to wait until the fateful day or did you change your mind about seeing him earlier than that?? Keep us updated. He is so romantic- definately an Italian stud !
sherry70
09-16-2002, 10:17 AM
I "think" I am still going to wait until June.
He is being so sweet and kind about all this stuff he is making it harder and harder for me to wait this long. I find I am reconsidering June and doing it earlier a lot lately! I just wish he wasn't so far away!
He is being so sweet and kind about all this stuff he is making it harder and harder for me to wait this long. I find I am reconsidering June and doing it earlier a lot lately! I just wish he wasn't so far away!
magee
09-26-2002, 07:40 AM
Make sure you keep us posted... I can't wait to hear how it's all going to shake out....
snoops1977
09-26-2002, 12:46 PM
Just go and meet him girl!! Once you meet him you can make up your mind about the rest!! Sounds like something that if you do not do you will regret for the rest of your life!!
Love to all!
God Bless!!
Love to all!
God Bless!!
AshLin
01-10-2003, 05:18 PM
Hey whatever happened with Sherry and this great love story?? Anyone know?
cheyanna2
01-10-2003, 06:02 PM
This is the first time I have read this and now I am dying to know what happened!!!!!!!!!!!
charby15
01-10-2003, 06:39 PM
Same here I sat here at work and read the whole thing and i want to know if she is still going to meet him or if she did it early!!! That is an amazing story!!
kali32
02-02-2003, 01:06 PM
Sounds like you're going to have to meet him or you will always wonder. Funny thing is, you've never seen him, so maybe you will find him unattractive. The internet can do that. Someone sounds like a dream online - you get the best of them - written word only, heavily edited for content and presentation, no spontaneaity, no clue of how they'd react in a crisis, etc.
I once chatted with a work colleague by email for 6 months, met him, and BLECH - so not attractive! Fixed that problem! Good luck.
I once chatted with a work colleague by email for 6 months, met him, and BLECH - so not attractive! Fixed that problem! Good luck.
Pinkroses
02-06-2003, 11:55 AM
Sherry, are you out there? Did you meet him? We hope you did!!
Audrey-B
10-08-2003, 07:58 AM
I found this by accident while i was looking for something else. Well June has been and gone...I hope it worked out and that Sherry has been too busy to update us.
tpopescu
10-08-2003, 07:47 PM
I read this a while back too and just loved his letter to her. I hope everything worked out for them.
giddyup715
10-09-2003, 02:08 AM
Ahhhhh! If it would have worked, I'm sure she would have told us about this! Right now, the way I am reading this , I think we have all been bamboozeld about this. Right now, I feel like I've been stripped of the last chapter of a great romance novel and boy does that piss me off! Right now, I'm chalking it up to a great imagination, and very creative writing tactics. I just wonder how long it took for her to type out all the Italian dialect to sound so convincing. With a mind like that, she should be making big $$$ and signing books for her first romance novel!
lins6108
10-09-2003, 11:56 AM
Wow, I am sooo excited for you. I just want to tell you if things don't work out with the Italian, which I think you two are going to get married and spend the rest of your beautiful lives together, The ex will alway be there. No matter what!! So if I were you, which geeees I whish I was you, I would go for that man DAMIT. I wish you THE BEST OF LUCK http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif)
soontobemarried
10-09-2003, 01:21 PM
We are all such hopeless romantics. We want the fairy tale or a least know that someone else is getting the fairy tale.
KEEP US POSTED!!!
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]
KEEP US POSTED!!!
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]
soontobemarried
10-09-2003, 01:23 PM
Maybe things did work out and she moved to Brazil. Please let us know.
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]
[This message has been edited by soontobemarried (edited 10-09-2003).]