That's been my M.O. for many years. Survive by control, survive by never being vulnerable, survive by retreat into a world of darkness - yet familiarity.

However, things have been changing for me over the last 6 years as I embraced the past by allowing those memories of "feelings denied" to finally break through.

It has been a minefield of flashbacks and pain deferred - and it has not been pretty -- but it is beginning to pay off.

I am not nearly as self-destructive - and I can at least contemplate intimacy - albeit I am still not very good at it.

I am not sure we ever "get over it" - but I think I can live with myself - as broken as I may be.

My experience with PTSD recovery is that it takes time.
It is a continual struggle - but I do have hope - and I wanted to share that.

Thanks.