Shababy
03-21-2003, 01:36 PM
When I read about Elizabeth Smart's predicament, it reminds me of how I feel I was forced to marry him and bring him back to the states. When ever I told him I would leave him, not marry him, not taking him back to the states with me(I was in the Air Force stationed at Incirlik AB)he beat me, tryed to smother me, etc and I still didn't call the police for fear I would loose my stripe that I had worked so hard to earn. Just a few months after we arrived in the states, he molested my 5 yr old which I knew nothing of and but found out when I was in the hospital after he had brutally beaten me because he was diagnosed by the USAF as being infertal and I wasn't getting pregnant and he accussed me of getting pregnant and aborting them and that the USAF doctors and me were together on this strange idea he had. People hold it against me for having married a Turk and also for being on disability when they don't know the whole story. I always feel like an outcast from society.
------------------
------------------
Sponsor
kat721
04-02-2003, 04:07 PM
Sha,That's a heavy story. I don't know what to say,
and judging from the lack of response here I'm guessing you must get a lot of silent awe.
Where you at with all this now?
It goes with out pointing out that you have had an obviously abusive relationship.
So many women with abusive relationships feel like outsiders anyway.
Not knowing what you are doing or not doing with regards to your relationship and your troubles, all I can really say is this, I am so sorry that such difficult and sorrowful things have happened.
I hope you find your way through the pain to begin to facillitate some long term healing for both you and your child.
I wish you safety, wellness and most of all Peace.
Hugs,
Kat
and judging from the lack of response here I'm guessing you must get a lot of silent awe.
Where you at with all this now?
It goes with out pointing out that you have had an obviously abusive relationship.
So many women with abusive relationships feel like outsiders anyway.
Not knowing what you are doing or not doing with regards to your relationship and your troubles, all I can really say is this, I am so sorry that such difficult and sorrowful things have happened.
I hope you find your way through the pain to begin to facillitate some long term healing for both you and your child.
I wish you safety, wellness and most of all Peace.
Hugs,
Kat
Lev
04-18-2003, 02:35 PM
To take that kind of abuse and marry this man for a stripe? I'm sure there is more to your story but it sounds like you've put the stripe before yourself. I really hope things are better for you now and that you've found a way to get your priorities in order. Marrying a TURK is not the problem, looks more like you've decided to marry a child molesting JERK for all the wrong reasons. Help yourself first because most of the time no one else can! After reading your story all that jumped out is that you were afraid to lose your stripe - guess you had no fear of losing your life and health. I'm sure its very hard to get sympathy, I hope you now see why. Good luck and GOD bless..
[This message has been edited by Lev (edited 04-18-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Lev (edited 04-18-2003).]
JayLynn
04-25-2003, 07:01 PM
Why haven't you gone to the military authorities and reported this man for beating and molesting you and your child? You cannot live in fear. You have to do something. There are people who can help you
JayLynn
04-25-2003, 07:02 PM
P.S. and not take your stripe! Why would you worry about that? Marrying a Turkish man is not prohibited
Shababy
04-28-2003, 09:14 PM
Whoever that was that signed with God Bless and condemned me at the same time, that doesn't make since. God wouldn't bless someone at the same time as trying to make them feel bad and God also forgives especially since this was back in 1985 when this took place. It's a long story, can't tell it all in a few paragraphs. In 85 when I married him in Turkey, he hadn't met my daughter until after we get back to the states in Dade County, Florida(south of Miami at Homestead AFB). How was I suppose to know he was a child molester when he hadn't met my daughter? Do any mothers know they are marrying child molesters? Come on now! Give me a break. I was very young in 85, couldn't even read the front page of the newspaper and yes, the military had put me in remedial reading. I didn't find out he molested her until after I was in the hospital with a broken back, broken cartridge in my throat, broken nose, etc. I think I got what I deserved plus, so DON'T lash out and I think you know who you are. I'm much more careful now. I didn't tell authorities back then because I had been warned not to hang around the Turks. Maybe if I could have read the local paper when I was in Turkey, I would have known more about what I was getting us into. I'm glad these days that the Air Force makes a person get a diploma to get in. I didn't have one when I first went in. Back then I didn't know abusive people get worse and later I learned, the hard way. Now adays, I'm doing much better. I've found I'm better off single and I don't date these days. I had remarried again but didn't stay in that marriage. I still have dreams of the military, esp. with the war going on now. I'm a Disabled Veteran now. I wasn't and still am not looking for sympathy. I didn't have boundaries when I was growing up, maybe that's also why I got into what I did. I guess I was telling my story because I hadn't before on the net. Just wanted to see what kind of reactions I'd get. Don't really care what people think as it's me that has to deal with it. My oldest daughter, the only one I had at the time, works for the county now and is married. I have 4 children now and I make better choices.
------------------
------------------
Shababy
04-28-2003, 09:24 PM
I wish I had went to authorities back then. I was so afraid on getting kicked out and not knowing how I would raise my daughter if I did. I really thought he'd quite abusing me and had NO idea he'd molest my daughter. Before I had joined the Air Force, we were so poor and I was so young, I didn't know where to turn. I felt if I got kicked out, we'd be homeless or something. I was afraid. Just thought at the time that things might get better if I just didn't tell anyone or that I could leave him once we got to the states. I don't know why I thought the way I did, maybe out of fear, maybe out of not having a good education, I was very immature at the time.
------------------
------------------
JayLynn
04-29-2003, 05:34 AM
I was not trying to condemn you. People sometimes get into bad situations without knowing what's going to happen. I thought you were still in this situation, that's why I asked why you haven't gone to the authorities. I'm glad this is all over now and you have moved on with your life. It's a horrible story, and nobody should have to live through that.
JayLynn
04-29-2003, 06:42 AM
P.S. It seems like from your response, you have dealt with a lot of negative reactions. You are right, they did not live through this, and they don't know what it's like. I hope this man was put away, and thank God your daughter is well. You only live this life once, so go on and enjoy the life you have now. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Take care
Kimianne
04-29-2003, 01:07 PM
Originally posted by ShaBaby59:
I wish I had went to authorities back then. I was so afraid on getting kicked out and not knowing how I would raise my daughter if I did. I really thought he'd quite abusing me and had NO idea he'd molest my daughter. Before I had joined the Air Force, we were so poor and I was so young, I didn't know where to turn. I felt if I got kicked out, we'd be homeless or something. I was afraid. Just thought at the time that things might get better if I just didn't tell anyone or that I could leave him once we got to the states. I don't know why I thought the way I did, maybe out of fear, maybe out of not having a good education, I was very immature at the time.
Hi:
You were a young single uneducated mother. YOU DID THE BEST THAT YOU COULD! Don't let anyone (including yourself) say otherwise!!
I am very happy that you seem to be getting on better. But am very upset that you are still so traumatized. Although given the circumstances it is more then understandable.
I suggest you keep talking (given some of the responses I see why you would hesitate to) so that you can finally totally forgive yourself. Have you thought of talking to a therapist?
My friend, you really did do the best that you could under the circumstances and it would be unfair and total waste to continue to pay for it.
Please keep your head up.
God Bless You.
------------------
Kimi
I wish I had went to authorities back then. I was so afraid on getting kicked out and not knowing how I would raise my daughter if I did. I really thought he'd quite abusing me and had NO idea he'd molest my daughter. Before I had joined the Air Force, we were so poor and I was so young, I didn't know where to turn. I felt if I got kicked out, we'd be homeless or something. I was afraid. Just thought at the time that things might get better if I just didn't tell anyone or that I could leave him once we got to the states. I don't know why I thought the way I did, maybe out of fear, maybe out of not having a good education, I was very immature at the time.
Hi:
You were a young single uneducated mother. YOU DID THE BEST THAT YOU COULD! Don't let anyone (including yourself) say otherwise!!
I am very happy that you seem to be getting on better. But am very upset that you are still so traumatized. Although given the circumstances it is more then understandable.
I suggest you keep talking (given some of the responses I see why you would hesitate to) so that you can finally totally forgive yourself. Have you thought of talking to a therapist?
My friend, you really did do the best that you could under the circumstances and it would be unfair and total waste to continue to pay for it.
Please keep your head up.
God Bless You.
------------------
Kimi
Shababy
04-29-2003, 11:20 PM
It was Lev that I felt was condemning me, not JayLynn. Thanks for all the positive things said by the most recent people. Yes, alot I hear soooo much negative stuff STILL after so many years. Yes, one of these days I need to go to therapy again but I've even had therapists laugh at me so I'm sure I'll have to go through a few therapists before I find the right one;that's that hard part.
------------------
------------------
Lev
05-12-2003, 07:41 PM
ShaBaby59,
Sorry my post came across that way. What I was trying to point out was that there must be so much more to your story. With your post, all that jumped out at me was, your Stripes. And that if the abreviated version that you initially posted is what you say to others than I'm sure you do not get much sympathy. Talk it out in DETAIL when you discuss it with people. Please forgive me for not getting the correct points across. After reading my post again I can see why you though what you did. Again, I was trying to show you what my impression of your story was.
Hopefully the MAN is not gone and you and your are better.
Sorry my post came across that way. What I was trying to point out was that there must be so much more to your story. With your post, all that jumped out at me was, your Stripes. And that if the abreviated version that you initially posted is what you say to others than I'm sure you do not get much sympathy. Talk it out in DETAIL when you discuss it with people. Please forgive me for not getting the correct points across. After reading my post again I can see why you though what you did. Again, I was trying to show you what my impression of your story was.
Hopefully the MAN is not gone and you and your are better.