Autumn Angel
05-24-2003, 12:16 PM
Hi everyone...I wanted to thank you all for your love and support when I lost my friend Steve to a heart attack one week ago today. Sometimes I think its gotten easier and I dont cry so much then there are the triggers!! His favorite song, his name still on my MSN Messenger I just cant bear to remove it God I think sometime I am just praying for it to light up and this was all a bad dream. A certain date triggers a tear, A picture of him and I that I have taped to my computer monitor. Yesterday everything must have came to a head. I decided on a nap at 6 pm. Well it lasted till 9 pm woke up for 10 mins and back to sleep till 1:30am then back to sleep at 3am till 9am this morning. I was at my doc thursday as I came down with a cold which is now moving to my lungs doc gave me an antibiotic incase it turns to pneumonia. I am easing up on my pain meds as they depress respiration and thats all I need right?
Anyway I just wanted to catch up with you all and thank every one of you for your prayers and support during this the hardest time in my life. Love you all.
Autumn.
Anyway I just wanted to catch up with you all and thank every one of you for your prayers and support during this the hardest time in my life. Love you all.
Autumn.
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sassymomof2
05-24-2003, 12:53 PM
Autumn, Hi its me sassy, i had to re register my nmae with new email so i guess i have to start all over :( i havent been on much my son broke his shoulder and i have been having alot of touble with back, just cant sit here for long. I just wanted to say how very sorry i am about your freind,I know its hard, I once lost my bestfreind, Brother (my triplet ) suuuuucks, Well if you ever need an ear im here ok, God bless and take care , It will get better i promise, Sassy
Autumn Angel
05-24-2003, 01:27 PM
Hi Sassy :) I didnt know you were a triplet and I am so sorry about your brother. Why did you have to re registar? Lose your password? Thank you for your reply I am doing the best I can just when I think I am coming along one of those triggers I mentioned in my post hits me but its only been a week far too soon for healing. Day by day is how Steve and I took our friendship so thats how I will handle my healing. I miss him so much but I know he is watching over me and that is my biggest comfort. God bless you and I hope your son heals quickly.
Autumn.
Autumn.
ajfinsand
05-24-2003, 02:35 PM
Autumn,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know it leaves a pain and sorrow that just stings to the very core of your being. It will get better though.....day by day....and eventually you will be grateful for those 'memory triggers'....eventually they will trigger a smile of your happy memories of your friend instead of the sadness of the loss. There will always be sadness...but it won't always be so oversahdowing and all encompassing. One day those memories will be a comfort to you.......
love and prayers,
aj in Oregon
I am so sorry for your loss. I know it leaves a pain and sorrow that just stings to the very core of your being. It will get better though.....day by day....and eventually you will be grateful for those 'memory triggers'....eventually they will trigger a smile of your happy memories of your friend instead of the sadness of the loss. There will always be sadness...but it won't always be so oversahdowing and all encompassing. One day those memories will be a comfort to you.......
love and prayers,
aj in Oregon
mokita
05-24-2003, 04:01 PM
Autumn....
I lost my father August 9th, 1999. I just had a trigger moment 2 days ago that brought a tear to my eye. I will say that the first year is very difficult - the first weeks are almost impossible at times. I barely got out of bed the first week. I was in a musical and HAD to go.. the show must go on. I was looking forward to him seeing it... anyway... grief takes time, don't rush yourself, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve naturally in its/your own time. Time does heal. It may not feel that way now, but it does.
The way we keep our loved ones alive is by remembering - it is bittersweet even now at times, but mostly, I smile. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif
A favorite song of mine and my 3 sisters that we had played at the funeral and is on his stone - is In the Arms of an Angel by Sara Mclauglin - still brings a tear and smile to my eyes. :angel:
Karen
I lost my father August 9th, 1999. I just had a trigger moment 2 days ago that brought a tear to my eye. I will say that the first year is very difficult - the first weeks are almost impossible at times. I barely got out of bed the first week. I was in a musical and HAD to go.. the show must go on. I was looking forward to him seeing it... anyway... grief takes time, don't rush yourself, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve naturally in its/your own time. Time does heal. It may not feel that way now, but it does.
The way we keep our loved ones alive is by remembering - it is bittersweet even now at times, but mostly, I smile. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif
A favorite song of mine and my 3 sisters that we had played at the funeral and is on his stone - is In the Arms of an Angel by Sara Mclauglin - still brings a tear and smile to my eyes. :angel:
Karen
Manyprobs
05-24-2003, 06:36 PM
Autumn, Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
The triggers are the worst...you never know when one might strike you and put your emotions into a frenzy! ((hugs))
Time will help, but it sucks while you're waiting...it seems to move so slowly at first.
ITA w/Karen, be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.
The triggers are the worst...you never know when one might strike you and put your emotions into a frenzy! ((hugs))
Time will help, but it sucks while you're waiting...it seems to move so slowly at first.
ITA w/Karen, be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.
soccermama
05-25-2003, 03:01 AM
Autumn-
So sorry for your loss, it is such a hard "pain" to go through, and like your post, wish there was a drug for that.
Just keep the memories of funny,light times you shared with him in mind,and hopefully those will be more apt to bring a smile then a tear, at least in these still early days.
I have lost a few close friends to Cancer and the "trigger" moments can catch you off guard even yrs later at the wierdst places,strange but,I feel they are letting me know they are now my Angels!
Take care sweetie- Mindy
So sorry for your loss, it is such a hard "pain" to go through, and like your post, wish there was a drug for that.
Just keep the memories of funny,light times you shared with him in mind,and hopefully those will be more apt to bring a smile then a tear, at least in these still early days.
I have lost a few close friends to Cancer and the "trigger" moments can catch you off guard even yrs later at the wierdst places,strange but,I feel they are letting me know they are now my Angels!
Take care sweetie- Mindy
twisten
05-26-2003, 02:24 AM
Autumn, I am so sorry for your loss. You've been through so much and still seem to be so strong and caring.
Soxy
05-26-2003, 04:38 PM
Hi Autumn. I'm so very sorry you are so sad. I can feel your sadness in your posts. The hurt from your loss is so fresh. It will take some time so give your self that. Give into the grief when it comes. Give in to the smiles too. They will come in time when you remember the good times with Steven. He was blessed to have a friend like. Take things slowly. Be good to yourself. Isn't that what Steven would want you to be?
Dianne
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Believe in Miracles!!
Dianne
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Believe in Miracles!!
Autumn Angel
05-26-2003, 05:53 PM
Thank you everyone for your kind words it means more than you know.
Dianne..you are such a sweet person. I was the lucky one having Steven in my life showed me how to stand up and fight my chronic pain not let it control me he had more courage than anyone I know. And I know he would want better for me than what I am going through now. He also knew I would be lost without him but he also knows I am a survivor. I know this will take time and I thank you all for letting me vent here among friends after all this is a pain board not a sadness board right? I hope you are doing well and keep in touch k?
Luv
Autumn.
[This message has been edited by Autumn Angel (edited 05-26-2003).]
Dianne..you are such a sweet person. I was the lucky one having Steven in my life showed me how to stand up and fight my chronic pain not let it control me he had more courage than anyone I know. And I know he would want better for me than what I am going through now. He also knew I would be lost without him but he also knows I am a survivor. I know this will take time and I thank you all for letting me vent here among friends after all this is a pain board not a sadness board right? I hope you are doing well and keep in touch k?
Luv
Autumn.
[This message has been edited by Autumn Angel (edited 05-26-2003).]
blankaflower
05-30-2003, 04:06 AM
hi autumn,you dont know me,and im kinda new here.but i can really understand your suffering.last summer i lost my cousin to luekimia,(he was a mere 40 years young but in my mind he will always be the high school football hero that i looked up to as a kid!!)the very next month we lost his mother my aunt also to cancer,and two years before that another aunt to lung cancer,all of them my mothers sisters,(she had 14 brothers and sisters anyway im sorry to drag on and make this long,buti just want you to know that your pain,is our pain,we are as humans connected in life and death,and whether we know each other or not,we in fact KNOW EACH OTHER,i say this because i am sure without a shadow of a doubt,that your love,your tears,your pain have not and never will go unseen and unfelt,and will always be REMEMBERED.
Soleil11
05-30-2003, 02:34 PM
Autumn, I am new here, too. I agree with poster , Blankaflower. I believe too, we are all connected and know each other. We share your pain and comfort you with our thoughts as they go out into the universe to Autumn. You are wrapped in a blanket and we are hugs for your pain as you heal. The site is a sacred place where you or any of us can come and find comfort.
While your heart begins its healing from intense pain , from losing your friend, you can wrap yourself in the blanket knowing you have kindred souls sending
love and hugs. Go ahead and take them, they are for you. Soleil
While your heart begins its healing from intense pain , from losing your friend, you can wrap yourself in the blanket knowing you have kindred souls sending
love and hugs. Go ahead and take them, they are for you. Soleil