lindao1
08-26-2003, 10:35 PM
Hi everyone. Well, just when I think things can't get any worse, they do. Last night I started having severe, unbearable, intractable pain in the incision area. The only way I can describe it even a little bit is to say it felt exactly like when I had appendicitis. Sharp, searing excruciating pain. It was hard for me to breathe and I could not tinkle at all even though I'm still taking the bladder meds. The pump feels like it has "fallen" and now the area around my bladder feels completely numb. The nausea is back also. My husband wanted me to go to the ER but I was in too much pain to sit there for hours.
Needless to say I called the dr's office this morning and they told me to come right away. Driving was an ordeal, and I know the only way I made it there and back home was on the wings of an angel. There was no one who could have taken me. By the time I got to the dr's, I was shaking uncontrollably and in so much pain that I literally broke down. The first thing I said to the dr. was "please take this pump out now"! The pain has been increased ten-fold ever since the surgery and that was not what should have happened. Plus I feel like my bladder will never get normal again. I know in my heart there is something seriously wrong. The dr. asked me if I wanted him to go in there and reposition the pump. I told him no, I just want it out and want to go back to oral meds. He said I COULD be one of the 1% whose body has completely rejected the pump, but I think it's more than that. I could tell the dr. was actually ticked-off at me but I didn't care. What right does he have to get upset with me for giving this my best shot and it just didn't work? I really feel he is an uncaring idiot who now knows he won't be able to get a whole lot of money out of my insurance company - not like he would if I were having to get regular refills, etc.
He rx'd the old meds I was on which I had built up a tolerance to (oxy 40mg 3xperday, and oxy ir's for BT.
So now I'm right back at square one and will have to live with this awful pain after I get thru another bout of the horrible surgery pain. The surgery will be tommorrow afternoon and I'll be in the hospital overnight again. I've always been one to believe everything happens for a reason, but I can't for the life of me, figure out what this whole nightmare is about. There is nothing good about any of it.
Besides getting upset with me, the dr. had the audacity to say that maybe we could re-address the pump situation after I get over this second surgery. I'm resigned to the fact that if I want geniune pain control, I will have to find another dr. who is compassionate and understanding and who will have tried all different meds before telling me the only thing left is a pain pump. I've lost all respect for my dr. The PA was at the office too today and he was kind and said this stuff happens occasionally. He told me not to feel so bad about wanting it out; unlike the md himself who acted like a spoiled brat that didn't get his way!
So now I have to have more surgery and go thru all of that horrible surgical pain again - and with meds that I've built a tolerance to. I feel like this nightmare is never gonna end and that I'll be in severe pain for the rest of my life. Not to mention, I don't even know if my bladder will return to normal.
I know they say the pump is not for everyone and I certainly proved that, didn't I? I am positive, though, that he will find a problem when he cuts on me - I just doubt he'll admit it.
Anyway, this is where I stand right now with the pump. I'm tempted to tell everyone to think long and hard before agreeing to this type of pain control. For me, there was absolutely no pain control, only huge increases in my pain level. Please pray for me as I go into surgery tommorrow. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. Depression and pain have become my constant companions. I don't know what lies ahead for me but the way things look now, it appears my future will become a storm of cloudy days. As always, thanks for listening and if you can, please say a prayer. Your grateful friend, Linda
Needless to say I called the dr's office this morning and they told me to come right away. Driving was an ordeal, and I know the only way I made it there and back home was on the wings of an angel. There was no one who could have taken me. By the time I got to the dr's, I was shaking uncontrollably and in so much pain that I literally broke down. The first thing I said to the dr. was "please take this pump out now"! The pain has been increased ten-fold ever since the surgery and that was not what should have happened. Plus I feel like my bladder will never get normal again. I know in my heart there is something seriously wrong. The dr. asked me if I wanted him to go in there and reposition the pump. I told him no, I just want it out and want to go back to oral meds. He said I COULD be one of the 1% whose body has completely rejected the pump, but I think it's more than that. I could tell the dr. was actually ticked-off at me but I didn't care. What right does he have to get upset with me for giving this my best shot and it just didn't work? I really feel he is an uncaring idiot who now knows he won't be able to get a whole lot of money out of my insurance company - not like he would if I were having to get regular refills, etc.
He rx'd the old meds I was on which I had built up a tolerance to (oxy 40mg 3xperday, and oxy ir's for BT.
So now I'm right back at square one and will have to live with this awful pain after I get thru another bout of the horrible surgery pain. The surgery will be tommorrow afternoon and I'll be in the hospital overnight again. I've always been one to believe everything happens for a reason, but I can't for the life of me, figure out what this whole nightmare is about. There is nothing good about any of it.
Besides getting upset with me, the dr. had the audacity to say that maybe we could re-address the pump situation after I get over this second surgery. I'm resigned to the fact that if I want geniune pain control, I will have to find another dr. who is compassionate and understanding and who will have tried all different meds before telling me the only thing left is a pain pump. I've lost all respect for my dr. The PA was at the office too today and he was kind and said this stuff happens occasionally. He told me not to feel so bad about wanting it out; unlike the md himself who acted like a spoiled brat that didn't get his way!
So now I have to have more surgery and go thru all of that horrible surgical pain again - and with meds that I've built a tolerance to. I feel like this nightmare is never gonna end and that I'll be in severe pain for the rest of my life. Not to mention, I don't even know if my bladder will return to normal.
I know they say the pump is not for everyone and I certainly proved that, didn't I? I am positive, though, that he will find a problem when he cuts on me - I just doubt he'll admit it.
Anyway, this is where I stand right now with the pump. I'm tempted to tell everyone to think long and hard before agreeing to this type of pain control. For me, there was absolutely no pain control, only huge increases in my pain level. Please pray for me as I go into surgery tommorrow. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. Depression and pain have become my constant companions. I don't know what lies ahead for me but the way things look now, it appears my future will become a storm of cloudy days. As always, thanks for listening and if you can, please say a prayer. Your grateful friend, Linda
Sponsor
sharon1030
08-26-2003, 11:09 PM
Hi Linda,
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I will be praying for you that this surgery goes well and that you feel better when it's over. If I were you, I would try not to make any decisions right now. You are upset and frustrated and rightfully so. I think you should give yourself as much time as you need after this surgery and then maybe think about seeing another doc down the line. I understand you can't possible consider this right now, but maybe another doc would do a better job?? I totally understand if you don't ever want to try another pump again, but try not to make that decision now while you're so upset. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know you were so looking forward to having this pump. I will be praying for you.
Sharon :)
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I will be praying for you that this surgery goes well and that you feel better when it's over. If I were you, I would try not to make any decisions right now. You are upset and frustrated and rightfully so. I think you should give yourself as much time as you need after this surgery and then maybe think about seeing another doc down the line. I understand you can't possible consider this right now, but maybe another doc would do a better job?? I totally understand if you don't ever want to try another pump again, but try not to make that decision now while you're so upset. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know you were so looking forward to having this pump. I will be praying for you.
Sharon :)
Autumn Angel
08-27-2003, 12:25 AM
Dear Linda..You have my prayers for your surgery that must have been awful having so much faith that this pump was going to take away most of your pain only to have it cause you so much more pain :(. I am so sorry for that.
I hope you feel better after this is removed and when you are feeling up to it make your decision on finding a caring doctor. Hurry back to us...God Bless.
Autumn.
I hope you feel better after this is removed and when you are feeling up to it make your decision on finding a caring doctor. Hurry back to us...God Bless.
Autumn.
Kimberbella
08-27-2003, 12:51 AM
Dear Linda,
You are in my prayers! :angel: I am so sorry about all of the complications and am praying that you will have relief after the removal...
All My Love and So Many Many Prayers,
Kim
You are in my prayers! :angel: I am so sorry about all of the complications and am praying that you will have relief after the removal...
All My Love and So Many Many Prayers,
Kim
pixiepoodle
08-27-2003, 01:30 AM
Hi Linda,
Although you may not read this until after you are back home from your surgery, I just want you to know how sorry I am that things went very wrong with your pump surgery. I hope you dr. finds the exact reason what happened and it explains it in detail so you have a better understanding. Depending on what he finds when he gets in there may make a difference in being able to try again in a year or two after you heal and get over being traumatized (as I know it would be tramatized). After hearing what happened to you makes me realize how blessed I was that my surgery went so smoothly.
Today I had a scare that my pump was disconnected as I was in a horrible accident that totalled my car. I was on a 4 lane freeway during a torrental downpour and went to move to the next lane when my car hyroplaned, spun sideways and headed straight into the retaining wall dividing the freeway between 55 to 60 mph. I bounced off it into a suburban, which then went into the retaining wall and was also totalled.
After I hit the Suburban, it caused me to go back into the retaining wall and then I did a few donuts and fishtaled back across 4 lanes and came to a stop. When I tried to get out of my car because I thought was going to catch on fire because I smelled something burning (actually it was the smell from the airbags)and because the back of my car was still partially in one lane of the frwy., the door was jammed shut. I turned sideways and kicked and pushed (great for the lower back) until I got it opened about 10 inches and squeezed out.
After I got out, my car started rolling towards the feeder road into traffic so I tried to hold my car from going forward (keep in mind I was in shock and disoriented and it didn't dawn on me that the car was still in gear). That did wonders for my arms, shoulders and upper back. Since I couldn't open the door wide enough to put my leg in and step on the brake, I reached inside and threw the gear shift into park and turned the car off.
To try to shorten this story, I had to go to the hospital by ambulance because I was pretty banged up, disoriented and I was terrified my pump came undone. When the took my blood pressure, it kept registering between 90 to 70 over 30 to 40 - no wonder I felt disoriented. Other than chemcial burns all over my arms and my face from the airbag chemicals, I don't have very many bruises and I have slight whiplash right now (which by tomorrow could be worse, but I'm hoping for the best) and my entire back is in a spasm.
I am telling all this because although the hospital refused to xray my lower back to see if the pump got disconnected, it obviously is working fine or I would be hurting a whole lot worse right now. And when I got home and went to put my nightie on, my hubby asked if I saw the hugh red welt on my lower back next to my scar when the pump catherer was attached to my spine. I know that God kept a physical hedge of protection around me during the accident because I should have been hurt alot worse or killed by the rush hr. traffic that was coming at me as I shot across the frwy. So I thank God for his mercy in sparing me from worse injuries or death and that the pump is still connected and helping me not to hurt as much as I should be.
I will be praying for your speedy recovery and that you find a terrific new dr.
Although you may not read this until after you are back home from your surgery, I just want you to know how sorry I am that things went very wrong with your pump surgery. I hope you dr. finds the exact reason what happened and it explains it in detail so you have a better understanding. Depending on what he finds when he gets in there may make a difference in being able to try again in a year or two after you heal and get over being traumatized (as I know it would be tramatized). After hearing what happened to you makes me realize how blessed I was that my surgery went so smoothly.
Today I had a scare that my pump was disconnected as I was in a horrible accident that totalled my car. I was on a 4 lane freeway during a torrental downpour and went to move to the next lane when my car hyroplaned, spun sideways and headed straight into the retaining wall dividing the freeway between 55 to 60 mph. I bounced off it into a suburban, which then went into the retaining wall and was also totalled.
After I hit the Suburban, it caused me to go back into the retaining wall and then I did a few donuts and fishtaled back across 4 lanes and came to a stop. When I tried to get out of my car because I thought was going to catch on fire because I smelled something burning (actually it was the smell from the airbags)and because the back of my car was still partially in one lane of the frwy., the door was jammed shut. I turned sideways and kicked and pushed (great for the lower back) until I got it opened about 10 inches and squeezed out.
After I got out, my car started rolling towards the feeder road into traffic so I tried to hold my car from going forward (keep in mind I was in shock and disoriented and it didn't dawn on me that the car was still in gear). That did wonders for my arms, shoulders and upper back. Since I couldn't open the door wide enough to put my leg in and step on the brake, I reached inside and threw the gear shift into park and turned the car off.
To try to shorten this story, I had to go to the hospital by ambulance because I was pretty banged up, disoriented and I was terrified my pump came undone. When the took my blood pressure, it kept registering between 90 to 70 over 30 to 40 - no wonder I felt disoriented. Other than chemcial burns all over my arms and my face from the airbag chemicals, I don't have very many bruises and I have slight whiplash right now (which by tomorrow could be worse, but I'm hoping for the best) and my entire back is in a spasm.
I am telling all this because although the hospital refused to xray my lower back to see if the pump got disconnected, it obviously is working fine or I would be hurting a whole lot worse right now. And when I got home and went to put my nightie on, my hubby asked if I saw the hugh red welt on my lower back next to my scar when the pump catherer was attached to my spine. I know that God kept a physical hedge of protection around me during the accident because I should have been hurt alot worse or killed by the rush hr. traffic that was coming at me as I shot across the frwy. So I thank God for his mercy in sparing me from worse injuries or death and that the pump is still connected and helping me not to hurt as much as I should be.
I will be praying for your speedy recovery and that you find a terrific new dr.
Tiddgys
08-27-2003, 11:13 AM
opps! double posted again, I'm always doing this :D
[This message has been edited by Tiddgys (edited 08-27-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Tiddgys (edited 08-27-2003).]
Tiddgys
08-27-2003, 11:13 AM
Linda..
I have answered you on my post, But wanted to here as well.
Linda i am thinking of you and praying that one day when all this is over you may reconsider, as you can never say "never" sweetheart..
My pain is kicking off with this temp pump i have on right now, it has not stopped all my pain and they the docs have admitted they can help control it but not take it all away..
Now i have read your story i will go into my surgery knowing i could end up with problems, but then again Linda my Consultant as always warned me that i could have minor hithes ect. he as never not been honest with me always told me not to go into this lightly as this is very Invasive, I wish you could share my Consultant i really do..
I only hope as i said above, that you may oneday recover enough to give it another go soon and witha new Pain Consultant..
You have my best wishes and i send you http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif(((((((Gentle Hugs)))) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Love Tiddgys xxx http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
I have answered you on my post, But wanted to here as well.
Linda i am thinking of you and praying that one day when all this is over you may reconsider, as you can never say "never" sweetheart..
My pain is kicking off with this temp pump i have on right now, it has not stopped all my pain and they the docs have admitted they can help control it but not take it all away..
Now i have read your story i will go into my surgery knowing i could end up with problems, but then again Linda my Consultant as always warned me that i could have minor hithes ect. he as never not been honest with me always told me not to go into this lightly as this is very Invasive, I wish you could share my Consultant i really do..
I only hope as i said above, that you may oneday recover enough to give it another go soon and witha new Pain Consultant..
You have my best wishes and i send you http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif(((((((Gentle Hugs)))) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Love Tiddgys xxx http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Karine
08-27-2003, 12:16 PM
I am new here but my prayers are with you tomorrow.
Good luck and God speed.
Kari
Good luck and God speed.
Kari
VPG
08-27-2003, 08:14 PM
Hey from the HeartLand, (Go Big RED)
Tiddgeys, I am glad so far so good with your pump, I know you are having a long trial peroid. I just wanted you to know that my prayers are with you as you go thru this.
Pixiepoodle, Glad to hear you made it out of the accident, I will mention you in my prayers this evening, I hope the other vehicle that you bumped into that they were also all right,
Linda, I wish I could take some of your pain away, I have been watching and trying to track you and Tiddguys to see if later on down the road that a pump might work on my back. OMG I can't believe your doctor, they act as if you personnaly attacked them when something does not work out,him acting like a spoiled two year. who needs a good spanking. Try to take it easy, you know your body better than anyone else if you feel that something is really bad than it is. You'll be in my prayers . Bless you and yours and I hope that you will have some relief soon.
VPG
Tiddgeys, I am glad so far so good with your pump, I know you are having a long trial peroid. I just wanted you to know that my prayers are with you as you go thru this.
Pixiepoodle, Glad to hear you made it out of the accident, I will mention you in my prayers this evening, I hope the other vehicle that you bumped into that they were also all right,
Linda, I wish I could take some of your pain away, I have been watching and trying to track you and Tiddguys to see if later on down the road that a pump might work on my back. OMG I can't believe your doctor, they act as if you personnaly attacked them when something does not work out,him acting like a spoiled two year. who needs a good spanking. Try to take it easy, you know your body better than anyone else if you feel that something is really bad than it is. You'll be in my prayers . Bless you and yours and I hope that you will have some relief soon.
VPG
MaryT
08-27-2003, 08:29 PM
Hi, Linda,
I'm so, so, sorry that you have had to go through this. As soon as you can, dump this doc! How dare he be angry with you! He should be furious with HIMSELF! There is absolutely NO WAY that this is in any way your fault.
Yes, very occasionally someone will be completely unable to tolerate the pump. I don't think you ever had a fighting chance. I've had a bad feeling about this doc ever since you first posted about pump trials (which were inadequate in the first place).
I hope that with the pump out you will feel better ASAP, and I will pray that that the surgery goes quickly and well.
Best wishes.
I'm so, so, sorry that you have had to go through this. As soon as you can, dump this doc! How dare he be angry with you! He should be furious with HIMSELF! There is absolutely NO WAY that this is in any way your fault.
Yes, very occasionally someone will be completely unable to tolerate the pump. I don't think you ever had a fighting chance. I've had a bad feeling about this doc ever since you first posted about pump trials (which were inadequate in the first place).
I hope that with the pump out you will feel better ASAP, and I will pray that that the surgery goes quickly and well.
Best wishes.
Tiddgys
09-01-2003, 07:08 AM
bumping this up for you Linda..
I hope you are recovering flower..
Love tiddgys xxx
------------------
lower Lumber probs.
L2 Bulging, But Docs will not touch as there is no nerve trouble there.
3 Level fusion L3-L4 L4-L5 L5-S1
No better after fusion.
2 Discograms
Loss of bladder control (OK NOW )
Lots of physio..
2 MRI'S
Water Theraphy..
1 Bone scan
1 Cat Scan
Loads of ESI'S
lots of Mediacation and i'm allergic to most of them..
Now Under P/M CONSUTANT HAVE BEEN FOR THE PASS SIX MONTHS..
Need Friends and Comfort, with the odd laugh..
I hope you are recovering flower..
Love tiddgys xxx
------------------
lower Lumber probs.
L2 Bulging, But Docs will not touch as there is no nerve trouble there.
3 Level fusion L3-L4 L4-L5 L5-S1
No better after fusion.
2 Discograms
Loss of bladder control (OK NOW )
Lots of physio..
2 MRI'S
Water Theraphy..
1 Bone scan
1 Cat Scan
Loads of ESI'S
lots of Mediacation and i'm allergic to most of them..
Now Under P/M CONSUTANT HAVE BEEN FOR THE PASS SIX MONTHS..
Need Friends and Comfort, with the odd laugh..