blankaflower
09-26-2003, 06:31 PM
i am really getting tired of my chronic pain.i am a 32 year old female.and i have debilitating migraines with cluster headaches.i have had these headaches for years but they have been debilitating for the last 1 year.i can not control them and i have tried everything you can possibly name.i am so sick of taking medications that dont work and i am so tired of finding new drugs.i am really most tired of taking medication period!!i am sorry but i have to vent.its just an ongoing day bye day nightmare..i just feel like a prisoner in my own body.i used to be so happy ,and i used to travel around the world.now i just deal with pain.and i think my husband is getting tired of dealing with me.i am so so sad.i know alot of you here deal with terrible pain every day.and its really the only place i can come and write this and someone will understand.and maybe give me a smile..thanks
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LOVEQ
09-26-2003, 06:38 PM
I really don't know what to say to you. all I can say is I truly know how you feel with the chronic pain thing. We all do thats why we are here, just to support each other in times like these.
I know right now things seem real bad, but just know that there are people out there that no where you are with you pain and are praying for you.
Much Love,
LoveQ
I know right now things seem real bad, but just know that there are people out there that no where you are with you pain and are praying for you.
Much Love,
LoveQ
grizzk62
09-26-2003, 07:29 PM
Blankaflower,
We all know exactly where you are at hun. We have all been there and in some ways still there where you are at. This dailey battle is no fun. I and us all know that its never going to get better than where we are at. Even with meds. This disease that we all have called chronic pain. We all have and it doe's suck over what we call our memory of my former life before PAIN. Hang in there. Some times we have to tie a know at the end of the rope and hang on. It will get better. I have been dealing with Chronic Pain now for 18yrs. The pain doe's get worse. And I have to say the meds have gone up to over those 18yrs. And yes how I percieve pain has changed as well. Do take care and by all means keep posting it really helps.......
Matt
[This message has been edited by grizzk62 (edited 09-26-2003).]
We all know exactly where you are at hun. We have all been there and in some ways still there where you are at. This dailey battle is no fun. I and us all know that its never going to get better than where we are at. Even with meds. This disease that we all have called chronic pain. We all have and it doe's suck over what we call our memory of my former life before PAIN. Hang in there. Some times we have to tie a know at the end of the rope and hang on. It will get better. I have been dealing with Chronic Pain now for 18yrs. The pain doe's get worse. And I have to say the meds have gone up to over those 18yrs. And yes how I percieve pain has changed as well. Do take care and by all means keep posting it really helps.......
Matt
[This message has been edited by grizzk62 (edited 09-26-2003).]
mamaslittlehelper
09-27-2003, 04:53 AM
Blankaflower...I know exactly what you mean about being sick of the pain! I have TMJ and only have been messing with it for about 5-months, but have had alot of other health problems over the last year! It gets to a point where your like "OK, when is this going to end?"...but there is no answer! I was always such a happy person, but can't seem to find anything to make me happy anymore (at least not like I used to be!)and I know it is putting alot of stress on my marriage too! I am trying very hard to get back into some of the things that used to make me happy...painting, crafting and decorating my house...visiting with friends...walking my dog, etc! Also working on finding some things for me and the hubby to do together as we also have a teenager who doesn't want to "hang with us" much anymore so we are left with alot of free time! Getting your health back is important too as I have kinda' let myself go since I have been sick...if you are healthy the pain might not hurt as bad too! Well, hope this helps you in some way...guess I need to take my own advice and work on being happier and healthier too! Remember too, that bellylaughs and sunshine are great for the soul...try to get plenty of each! Good luck to you and TC!
turtleeni2
09-27-2003, 07:56 AM
I totally know how ya feel, Blankaflower. As I am sure everybody else here does.....you are not alone dearie.
I am so tired of trying to get my mind off the pain, all the while trying to make sure I don't take b/t meds as long as ABSOLEUTELY NECESSARY so not to worry about if I will run out, or having to take them at least every day will not make my doctor happy :(
Also, I am sick and tired of when one thing seems to be ok, there's always "something else" coming right around the corner. Like, ok I feel ok and things may be turning around today for the better and then ...lalala...bam! MONSTER HEADACHE or very bad crampiness all of a sudden then nasty bout of diarrhea (sorry to gross anyone out, but I HATE that feeling). So, you take something to remedy it all and you start feeling pretty good again with maybe a little bit of pain popping in and out every so often all the while trying to GET MY MIND OFF OF IT.....then I get my period and cramps and headaches and remedy that....then lather, rinse and repeat with the chronic pain constantly knocking to come back.
Sorry if I kinda freaked out, it's just that I am getting very angry and frustrated as original poster and the rest of ya's do :( It's just SO HARD most of the time to even be able to let everything go and just be happy and laugh like we used to.
Well, I am in insomnia again (not having too much pain though~~at a 3-4 atm), and just rambling I guess. I been doing alot of that lately and so sorry to have to put you all through this.
I honestly thing I would be worse off, though, if I hadn't found you guys and these boards. I mean it too :) You guys are great and I love the way most of us can communicate and go out of your ways to just be there for support and advice. I am also VERY grateful to have met Kim32, who is going through the SAME EXACT thing as me. I had been searching for many many months to just find ANYTHING, just ANYTHING at all that would help me know that I am not the only one and that it's not all in our head and that this pain is real and is a result of some mis-hap during surgery. I am so glad I found her and you all here at these boards!!!
OK, I am really rambling on now, but I just wanted you all to know how I feel http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wow.gif
And in spite of my rant, I have managed to end this on a very happy note :bouncing:
Have a great weekend and hope you all find some relief in your pain :)
**HUGS**
I am so tired of trying to get my mind off the pain, all the while trying to make sure I don't take b/t meds as long as ABSOLEUTELY NECESSARY so not to worry about if I will run out, or having to take them at least every day will not make my doctor happy :(
Also, I am sick and tired of when one thing seems to be ok, there's always "something else" coming right around the corner. Like, ok I feel ok and things may be turning around today for the better and then ...lalala...bam! MONSTER HEADACHE or very bad crampiness all of a sudden then nasty bout of diarrhea (sorry to gross anyone out, but I HATE that feeling). So, you take something to remedy it all and you start feeling pretty good again with maybe a little bit of pain popping in and out every so often all the while trying to GET MY MIND OFF OF IT.....then I get my period and cramps and headaches and remedy that....then lather, rinse and repeat with the chronic pain constantly knocking to come back.
Sorry if I kinda freaked out, it's just that I am getting very angry and frustrated as original poster and the rest of ya's do :( It's just SO HARD most of the time to even be able to let everything go and just be happy and laugh like we used to.
Well, I am in insomnia again (not having too much pain though~~at a 3-4 atm), and just rambling I guess. I been doing alot of that lately and so sorry to have to put you all through this.
I honestly thing I would be worse off, though, if I hadn't found you guys and these boards. I mean it too :) You guys are great and I love the way most of us can communicate and go out of your ways to just be there for support and advice. I am also VERY grateful to have met Kim32, who is going through the SAME EXACT thing as me. I had been searching for many many months to just find ANYTHING, just ANYTHING at all that would help me know that I am not the only one and that it's not all in our head and that this pain is real and is a result of some mis-hap during surgery. I am so glad I found her and you all here at these boards!!!
OK, I am really rambling on now, but I just wanted you all to know how I feel http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wow.gif
And in spite of my rant, I have managed to end this on a very happy note :bouncing:
Have a great weekend and hope you all find some relief in your pain :)
**HUGS**
Karine
09-27-2003, 02:02 PM
Hi and I too know how you feel. When I first became disabled I hated myself and the life I was in, mad as HELL at the world and had no one that knew how I felt. It was so hard just to get out of bed everyday. Lost my job I loved and no money, it was so hard. I am new here but just by accident I found this sight I looked for, for 2 years. I wish you luck and just dont give up. Keep getting out of bed everyday and try to comfort yourself everyday. Just come here and vent all you want.
Kari
------------------
:( Chronic pain from Tendentious in right elbow 1996, left elbow 1998, shoulder pain within that time, neck pain the hole time.
My job at Safeway ended in Jan of 99, they said due to lack of work for me. They could not make a job for me, so I was on my own. No Insurance, no money, no hope. I have used everything from expensive ointments to magnets nothing would help.
Docs would not give pain meds because they are additive even though I was in chronic pain. Could not take the pain anymore Jan. 2003. No work no money the pain just kept getting worse.
I was very depressed and ready to step infront of a big truck to run me over. I really gave up on any hope to control the pain til a freind took me by the hand to help me get the help I needed.
Was told by welfare to run up $2500. in ER bills to get covarage for myself, so that is where the help started, now I had to find a doc who would listen that is not easy, ER docs will not just give out pain meds, "med addicts". But got lucky found on doc in the ER that did listen and gave me hope and would see me.
I suggest to anyone out there look for the younger docs that will help for chronic pain.
Found out through MRI's I have degenerative arthritis in my neck, shoulders and arms on both sides. Nerve damage in right arm due to surgery in right elbow. Now am seeing a PM doc whom I do not care for but will see tomorrow about my break through pain. No more PM doc back to my reg doc. She put me on vicodin 3 x a day if needed for BT pain.
Have a good pain free day :)
Kari
Kari
------------------
:( Chronic pain from Tendentious in right elbow 1996, left elbow 1998, shoulder pain within that time, neck pain the hole time.
My job at Safeway ended in Jan of 99, they said due to lack of work for me. They could not make a job for me, so I was on my own. No Insurance, no money, no hope. I have used everything from expensive ointments to magnets nothing would help.
Docs would not give pain meds because they are additive even though I was in chronic pain. Could not take the pain anymore Jan. 2003. No work no money the pain just kept getting worse.
I was very depressed and ready to step infront of a big truck to run me over. I really gave up on any hope to control the pain til a freind took me by the hand to help me get the help I needed.
Was told by welfare to run up $2500. in ER bills to get covarage for myself, so that is where the help started, now I had to find a doc who would listen that is not easy, ER docs will not just give out pain meds, "med addicts". But got lucky found on doc in the ER that did listen and gave me hope and would see me.
I suggest to anyone out there look for the younger docs that will help for chronic pain.
Found out through MRI's I have degenerative arthritis in my neck, shoulders and arms on both sides. Nerve damage in right arm due to surgery in right elbow. Now am seeing a PM doc whom I do not care for but will see tomorrow about my break through pain. No more PM doc back to my reg doc. She put me on vicodin 3 x a day if needed for BT pain.
Have a good pain free day :)
Kari
Msbugg
09-27-2003, 02:25 PM
I don't know your history with migraines but can understand your frustration as I had 30 plus years with them myself. Mine were only related to getting my period and so eventually became known as hormonal migraines. They would occur about 3 days prior and even when ovulating. I never missed a month and the e.r. was sick of seeing me there I am sure.
I know that birth control pills, for the very brief time I was on them way back when started the migraines. Even though I discontinued them, the headaches stayed. Finally I had a reason, other than these, to get a total hysterectomy and what a blessing. They just stopped.
Do you get hormonal migraines? If so, your ob/gyn can probably help you with that.
Best wishes....
I know that birth control pills, for the very brief time I was on them way back when started the migraines. Even though I discontinued them, the headaches stayed. Finally I had a reason, other than these, to get a total hysterectomy and what a blessing. They just stopped.
Do you get hormonal migraines? If so, your ob/gyn can probably help you with that.
Best wishes....
juliann2323
09-27-2003, 04:43 PM
I also have reoccuring headaches so i know what u are going thru my solution would be to find a massage therapist u have tight muscles in u'r neck i'm sure depending on u'r job make sure they ask u good questions i am a massage therapist myself i know the anatomy of the body it also depends alot on where u'r headaches are radiating in u'r head meds are only going to relieve you for a short period of time i would find a massage therapist
and also to the person who has tmj i would go and find a massage therapist who specializes in tmj massage there out there and that's the best source of help
and also to the person who has tmj i would go and find a massage therapist who specializes in tmj massage there out there and that's the best source of help
blankaflower
09-27-2003, 05:43 PM
thank you all so much for your kind relpys.its so nice to feel such caring and concern.to think of such nice people praying for me,well its the best medicine i know of.yes i have had quite a terrible history with my headaches .and i have some other problems as wee.but it always seems like im dealing with these headaches,theres never time to bring up the other issues with my dr.i really hate asking her for strong meds.and i feel so embarrased about being in so much pain.ill tell you a little of my history.last year when i returned from overseas i was hospitalized as i was 5 months pregnant and my water broke.my babies father my fiancee was a pilot,and he was killed overseas in a car accident when i was 3 months pregnant,well i was living 12 years in lebanon and i was an english teacher,i came back after his accident here to texas,thats when i was hospitalized.i was in the hospital for one month and i had gotten a terrible infection.the had to deliver my baby at one 26 weeks,she was only 1lb.12oz.anyway i was there completly and utterly alone.no one visited me.my brother callled once.well.thats when my headaches got out of control.i had 4 neuros.and had many tests done and all said migraine.i was so devasted that i dont know how i made it but there was one nurse there.she was an angel.and she gave me hope.she prayed for me and i know that the lord heard her because.6 months after that i met my current husband.who guess what,hes also a pilot and he is from the same country that my deceased fiance was,and he wanted me and my babie and loves us so very much.we just bought a beautiful home and we have settled here in houston the place of my childhood that i have loved so much .what a blessing from the lord.1 year ago i was alone with noone and nothing.!!now i have many blessings i cannot count.theres only one thing i have another daughter overseas and i cant bring her hear.im trying my best but my exs family are not letting her come here.i cant take her out of the country .because they have different rules.i call her daily and .i swear to gad i cant give up hope to see my baby again.i am sure this is why my headaches have become so violent.i have been fighting so long just to keep my babies i just cant give up,she is 7 years old and she wants to come here so bad.to kiss her mommy.she told me the other day that she has a toy rabbit i gave her.whe she was a baby and if she doesnt have this rabbit she cant sleep at night.oh god it tears my heart into.pls pray for us.and thank you for your kindness.i will not forget it.you know you get back in life what you give so gad will bless you all im sure!! gad bless and thanks..blanka..ps sorry for such a long post..
avogadro
09-28-2003, 08:59 AM
Well, I recently posted this same opinion. Anyway, here are my thougts, again. *Please ignore if you have read something similiar from me previously!*. Also, it may not be a popular opinion, but it is still mine!
Please keep in mind that this does not always work for me either! I AM human. I am still looking for that switch where I can control and turn off/on my emotions and feelings! :) :) :)
I try very hard to keep my pain issues in perspective. Does it stink? Yes. Do the pain meds stink? Yes. Do I wish I had never been in the car accident? Yes. Do I feel like a 31 year old stuck in an 80 year old body? Yes.
But, I try to keep in mind that I have a nice home, in a safe neighboorhood and good school district. I have a car to get me where I need to go (Piece of crap that it might be. Hey, it is still running!), I have parents that love me. I have a sister who is my best friend. My family would do anything for me. MOST importantly, I have a WONDERFUL 7 year old son who means everything to me. Does being a single mom and him not having a biological dad stink? Yes. But, he has Grandpa, who has been a father to him. We all deal with what we have to work with, based on our circumstances. My son is smart, althletic, HAPPY and MOST importantly, HEALTHY. I would not trade that for any personal pain in the world!
When I get get down about the pain and all that I have been through due to it, I try to remember all of my blessings. I think about a mother who just found out her 5 year old has leukemia. I think about my friend who had a still-birth at 6 months pregnant yesterday. I realize that no matter how bad it may seem, it can ALWAYS be worse.
Now, this does not always work. I do NOT want to make it like I am saying "gee, quit complaining, it isn't THAt bad". Trust me, I understand the emotions that come with chronic pain!!! Of course, there are days when I get down. There are days where I just wish I had never been in that accident and could go back to "normal".
It is just something to think about!
AV
------------------
2000 - Gastric Bypass Surgery (weighed over 400 pounds).
2002 - down to 180 pounds.
June 2002 - serious car accident - on Vicodin and Rx for Flexeril but do not take due to drowsiness.
June-Dec 2002 - Tried physical therapy and meds with no improvement. Tried Soma for muscle relaxor, same effect, will not take due to drowsiness.
Jan 2003 - pain has gradually gotten worse over time.
Jan 2003 - first appt with PM doctor who FINALLY orders MRI - still on Vicodin only.
Feb 2003 - bulging, torn disks at L4-L5 and L5-S1.
March 2003 - PT again with no help. Vicodin only.
April 2003 - first ESI injections, helped with pain down left leg but not in lower back area
May 2003 - arthritis in L4-L5, L5-S1 joints, more injections. Still on Vicodin.
Aug 2003 - Still on Vicodin. Try MS Contin but does not work due to Gastric Bypass Surgery. Switch to Methadose. Adjusted dose of Methadose but did not like side effects. Switched to Duragesic patch (25) every 72 hours. First patch on 9/22/03.
Vicodin for B/T pain but doctor does not want to keep giving Rx for Vicodin. Hoping patch will eventually kick in and work all alone!
Sept 2003- have appt for "nerve block" to help with arthritic symptoms.
Sept 2003 - changed insurance companies. Current PM doctor not on new plan. Have apllied for "transition of care" so I can continue with same doctor. Waiting to hear from Cigna. Nerve block on hold until receive answer from Cigna.
[This message has been edited by avogadro (edited 09-28-2003).]
[This message has been edited by avogadro (edited 09-28-2003).]
Please keep in mind that this does not always work for me either! I AM human. I am still looking for that switch where I can control and turn off/on my emotions and feelings! :) :) :)
I try very hard to keep my pain issues in perspective. Does it stink? Yes. Do the pain meds stink? Yes. Do I wish I had never been in the car accident? Yes. Do I feel like a 31 year old stuck in an 80 year old body? Yes.
But, I try to keep in mind that I have a nice home, in a safe neighboorhood and good school district. I have a car to get me where I need to go (Piece of crap that it might be. Hey, it is still running!), I have parents that love me. I have a sister who is my best friend. My family would do anything for me. MOST importantly, I have a WONDERFUL 7 year old son who means everything to me. Does being a single mom and him not having a biological dad stink? Yes. But, he has Grandpa, who has been a father to him. We all deal with what we have to work with, based on our circumstances. My son is smart, althletic, HAPPY and MOST importantly, HEALTHY. I would not trade that for any personal pain in the world!
When I get get down about the pain and all that I have been through due to it, I try to remember all of my blessings. I think about a mother who just found out her 5 year old has leukemia. I think about my friend who had a still-birth at 6 months pregnant yesterday. I realize that no matter how bad it may seem, it can ALWAYS be worse.
Now, this does not always work. I do NOT want to make it like I am saying "gee, quit complaining, it isn't THAt bad". Trust me, I understand the emotions that come with chronic pain!!! Of course, there are days when I get down. There are days where I just wish I had never been in that accident and could go back to "normal".
It is just something to think about!
AV
------------------
2000 - Gastric Bypass Surgery (weighed over 400 pounds).
2002 - down to 180 pounds.
June 2002 - serious car accident - on Vicodin and Rx for Flexeril but do not take due to drowsiness.
June-Dec 2002 - Tried physical therapy and meds with no improvement. Tried Soma for muscle relaxor, same effect, will not take due to drowsiness.
Jan 2003 - pain has gradually gotten worse over time.
Jan 2003 - first appt with PM doctor who FINALLY orders MRI - still on Vicodin only.
Feb 2003 - bulging, torn disks at L4-L5 and L5-S1.
March 2003 - PT again with no help. Vicodin only.
April 2003 - first ESI injections, helped with pain down left leg but not in lower back area
May 2003 - arthritis in L4-L5, L5-S1 joints, more injections. Still on Vicodin.
Aug 2003 - Still on Vicodin. Try MS Contin but does not work due to Gastric Bypass Surgery. Switch to Methadose. Adjusted dose of Methadose but did not like side effects. Switched to Duragesic patch (25) every 72 hours. First patch on 9/22/03.
Vicodin for B/T pain but doctor does not want to keep giving Rx for Vicodin. Hoping patch will eventually kick in and work all alone!
Sept 2003- have appt for "nerve block" to help with arthritic symptoms.
Sept 2003 - changed insurance companies. Current PM doctor not on new plan. Have apllied for "transition of care" so I can continue with same doctor. Waiting to hear from Cigna. Nerve block on hold until receive answer from Cigna.
[This message has been edited by avogadro (edited 09-28-2003).]
[This message has been edited by avogadro (edited 09-28-2003).]
grizzk62
09-28-2003, 11:06 AM
Av,
Hey I'm with you on this one. It doesn't take me very long to find someone in worse shape than me. I know that if I focus on the positive and look for the good things in life that I'm able to enjoy then my life w/chronic pain becomes alot easier to bare. I know that it is hard when just learning how to deal with a lifetime ahead of you and life of pain ahead of you as well. Just hang in and try to look for the good you have and dealing w/pain will become alot easier.
Take care everyone...
Matt
Hey I'm with you on this one. It doesn't take me very long to find someone in worse shape than me. I know that if I focus on the positive and look for the good things in life that I'm able to enjoy then my life w/chronic pain becomes alot easier to bare. I know that it is hard when just learning how to deal with a lifetime ahead of you and life of pain ahead of you as well. Just hang in and try to look for the good you have and dealing w/pain will become alot easier.
Take care everyone...
Matt
dwpavlik
09-28-2003, 02:55 PM
Hi AV and Matt and all
I was reading what was written and realized that what was said is what I have found myself doing to avoid thinking about the pains. I also avoid doing. Since I can not bend over to the floor to pick stuff up, or kneel for any period of time. I even walk funny to avoid turning my hips more than 10 % to avoid the pain. I have trained myself to not do anything as much as possible to avoid the pain. I realized after reading these posts that I have had to deal with all of this and more since 1987. But since I have taken the avoidance and ignore it approach I did not realize how long I was dealing with the pain issue in my life. I have no idea how to put aside or ignore a headache :
( I simply wanted to say thanks for all of the posters. When I read all of the problems that all of you have, I feel insignificant in my problems. So keep writing. It makes my days better to know that there area answers to problems :D
I was reading what was written and realized that what was said is what I have found myself doing to avoid thinking about the pains. I also avoid doing. Since I can not bend over to the floor to pick stuff up, or kneel for any period of time. I even walk funny to avoid turning my hips more than 10 % to avoid the pain. I have trained myself to not do anything as much as possible to avoid the pain. I realized after reading these posts that I have had to deal with all of this and more since 1987. But since I have taken the avoidance and ignore it approach I did not realize how long I was dealing with the pain issue in my life. I have no idea how to put aside or ignore a headache :
( I simply wanted to say thanks for all of the posters. When I read all of the problems that all of you have, I feel insignificant in my problems. So keep writing. It makes my days better to know that there area answers to problems :D
sfg4ever5501
09-30-2003, 11:14 AM
I also can relate!! 9+ yrs. and no relief in site. All I can say is hang in there. I don't think anyone but us realize how dehabilitaing pain can be or how sick the meds make us and the other problems they cause. I now have Barrets Esphonacis (can't spell) due to all the meds from MS contin to Oxycontin to Methodone to, ETC...Then ya get the spasms in the next and face the ringing ears and burning, stabbing, ear piercing pain through the face and well you all know the drill-sleepless nights and bad moods!!! I feel sorry for my wife and daughter cuz they have been there for me and try to understand but...
God bless ya all and keep truckin' on
God bless ya all and keep truckin' on