jaguar63122
10-28-2003, 12:52 PM
First....I would like to say that reading everyones posts has helped me understand what my husband is going through every day of his life. I can not get him to read the post, and think it would be so good for him to know he is not the only one in the world suffering. My fist question is for the Chronic Pain Suffer.
These are the drugs that my husband takes daily....does this sound right to everyone? It seems like way too much to me. Hydrocodone 7.5 (4 times a day), Nortriptyline 10mg (8 a day), Seroquel 25mg (6 a day), Clonazapan .05 (2 a day), Oxycotin 20mg (6 a day), Prozac 20mg (1 a day), and Lexapro 20mg (1 a day). These have all been prescribed by the Pain Specialist. Most are antidepressants that they are trying to use for pain managment.
My second question is for the spouses of chronic pain suffers. I love my husband very much, but all this has became a nightmare. My husband is depressed, very unfriendly, and very reclusive. We do not have any kind of a physical relations anymore. Im not sure if it is the medicine, the depresssion, or the pain? Maybe all 3? We no longer can do anything together as a family, because he says he cant get out because he is in too much pain to leave the house. I have to do all household chores and pay all the bills. He hasn't been able to work in 3 years. He keeps telling me to hang in their everything will get better, but every week things get worse. Any advice? I hate to sound selfish, I know my husband is in constant pain, but I am physically and mentally exhausted. Im at the point where I hate to go home because he never is happy. My husband is only 40 and has 2 back surguries and suffers from failed back syndrom. Let me mention that I have sugested going to another specialist for a second opinion, and or looking into other pain reliefs besides medication such as morphine pump or simular, and my husband is not interested. Any advice would be apriciated.
These are the drugs that my husband takes daily....does this sound right to everyone? It seems like way too much to me. Hydrocodone 7.5 (4 times a day), Nortriptyline 10mg (8 a day), Seroquel 25mg (6 a day), Clonazapan .05 (2 a day), Oxycotin 20mg (6 a day), Prozac 20mg (1 a day), and Lexapro 20mg (1 a day). These have all been prescribed by the Pain Specialist. Most are antidepressants that they are trying to use for pain managment.
My second question is for the spouses of chronic pain suffers. I love my husband very much, but all this has became a nightmare. My husband is depressed, very unfriendly, and very reclusive. We do not have any kind of a physical relations anymore. Im not sure if it is the medicine, the depresssion, or the pain? Maybe all 3? We no longer can do anything together as a family, because he says he cant get out because he is in too much pain to leave the house. I have to do all household chores and pay all the bills. He hasn't been able to work in 3 years. He keeps telling me to hang in their everything will get better, but every week things get worse. Any advice? I hate to sound selfish, I know my husband is in constant pain, but I am physically and mentally exhausted. Im at the point where I hate to go home because he never is happy. My husband is only 40 and has 2 back surguries and suffers from failed back syndrom. Let me mention that I have sugested going to another specialist for a second opinion, and or looking into other pain reliefs besides medication such as morphine pump or simular, and my husband is not interested. Any advice would be apriciated.
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dwpavlik
10-28-2003, 01:41 PM
Hello
My wife and I have some similarities. The pain does cause one to not wish to go out much. And the combination of pain, meds, and emotion does kill physical relations. He will not be a tiger with all he is on. I personally recommend to get another opinion from another pain doctor. I have been on the signal blockers, and pain meds to control pain. But all that he is taking seems to be a little much. If it all is only for pain control and the one for depression, I would not be happy if my doctor gave me that regimen.
I personally would want to get another opinion.
The relations thing can get killed, especially with all he is on. The pills kill a lot, but we still focus on each other. And we talk and do things together. Personally I would be a little concerned with the amount of meds he is taking. Some one else will have to jump in here and give their knowledge input to help you. I suggest that you get to a doctor that is willing to talk about everything including relations. They all should be concerned and helpful..
Don :)
My wife and I have some similarities. The pain does cause one to not wish to go out much. And the combination of pain, meds, and emotion does kill physical relations. He will not be a tiger with all he is on. I personally recommend to get another opinion from another pain doctor. I have been on the signal blockers, and pain meds to control pain. But all that he is taking seems to be a little much. If it all is only for pain control and the one for depression, I would not be happy if my doctor gave me that regimen.
I personally would want to get another opinion.
The relations thing can get killed, especially with all he is on. The pills kill a lot, but we still focus on each other. And we talk and do things together. Personally I would be a little concerned with the amount of meds he is taking. Some one else will have to jump in here and give their knowledge input to help you. I suggest that you get to a doctor that is willing to talk about everything including relations. They all should be concerned and helpful..
Don :)
igy76
10-28-2003, 01:55 PM
Hi JAGUAR,
If you may permit me to say (I don't want to be presumptious, upset or offend), I think you might want to at least consider the possibility that there's a larger problem at work here for you husband.
See, the goal of CP sufferers is not to have your pain disappear (that's very rare), but moreso to find a balance between the meds you're on and whatever other treatment you endure (be it physical therapy, etc) to establish a daily quality of life. That's really the bottom line - figuring out what it takes for you to have some quality of life. Now, it would help if we knew a little more detail about your husband (his injury/location of pain, how long he's been on meds, etcc). And I can't speak to those other meds, having never been on Antidepressants, but as far as the narcotics, again, depending on the severity of his injury, but generally, if he's taking 120mg a day of OxyContin as his base med (you said 20mg 6xday.... which, are you sure that's right? Because it's an odd way to dose out OxyC), and then another 30mg of hydrocodone a day (you said Vicodin 7.5 4xday) for his breatkthru pain, that's a pretty weighty amount of opiates (although there certainly are people that are on lots more unfortunately). And with taking ALL THAT, and he still seems to have no quality of life (just going by what you said - that he never wants to leave the house and engage in family activities because he's always in pain), then I would think HIS #1 PRIORITY would be either talking with his doc about once and for all getting the right combo of meds to significantly decrease his pain, or as you said, seek out another doc altogether (to serve that same purpose).
I don't know, I'm certainly not a pshycologist (sp?), nor am I trained or schooled officially psychology at all, but I have for many years considered myself a fairly astute observer and student of human behavior. But perhaps his unhappiness is drawing from something else entirely, and why he's withdrawn and doesn't seem to care anymore (though mind you, prolonged pain can absolutely mess with your head after while). I wouldn't want to speculate here (as I said, above all, I do not want to offend anyone with presumption). Because if he's not getting ANY RELIEF from that regiment of medication, than he should at least be doing all he can to achieve that result ultimately. Good luck :)
If you may permit me to say (I don't want to be presumptious, upset or offend), I think you might want to at least consider the possibility that there's a larger problem at work here for you husband.
See, the goal of CP sufferers is not to have your pain disappear (that's very rare), but moreso to find a balance between the meds you're on and whatever other treatment you endure (be it physical therapy, etc) to establish a daily quality of life. That's really the bottom line - figuring out what it takes for you to have some quality of life. Now, it would help if we knew a little more detail about your husband (his injury/location of pain, how long he's been on meds, etcc). And I can't speak to those other meds, having never been on Antidepressants, but as far as the narcotics, again, depending on the severity of his injury, but generally, if he's taking 120mg a day of OxyContin as his base med (you said 20mg 6xday.... which, are you sure that's right? Because it's an odd way to dose out OxyC), and then another 30mg of hydrocodone a day (you said Vicodin 7.5 4xday) for his breatkthru pain, that's a pretty weighty amount of opiates (although there certainly are people that are on lots more unfortunately). And with taking ALL THAT, and he still seems to have no quality of life (just going by what you said - that he never wants to leave the house and engage in family activities because he's always in pain), then I would think HIS #1 PRIORITY would be either talking with his doc about once and for all getting the right combo of meds to significantly decrease his pain, or as you said, seek out another doc altogether (to serve that same purpose).
I don't know, I'm certainly not a pshycologist (sp?), nor am I trained or schooled officially psychology at all, but I have for many years considered myself a fairly astute observer and student of human behavior. But perhaps his unhappiness is drawing from something else entirely, and why he's withdrawn and doesn't seem to care anymore (though mind you, prolonged pain can absolutely mess with your head after while). I wouldn't want to speculate here (as I said, above all, I do not want to offend anyone with presumption). Because if he's not getting ANY RELIEF from that regiment of medication, than he should at least be doing all he can to achieve that result ultimately. Good luck :)
Shoreline
10-28-2003, 02:13 PM
Hi Jag, I have no doubt things are hard on you. It's tough to watch someone you love deteriorate and be in pain.
As far as the meds involved. It sounds like the doc has a shotgun method of pain management. Blast him with everything that might possibly work rather than actually supply him with a level of pain meds that actually helps.
The purpose of pain management is to restore function, The list of antiD's, antianxiety meds, antipsychotics and the minimal amount of pain meds doesn't sound like it's doing anything more than keeping him from eating a bullet. A second opinion would be a good thing but likely your husband is afraid of loosing the little relief he is getting.
For a CP patient what appears to be a high dose of pain meds to an opiate naive patient, "someone that has never taken anything stronger than a vicodin or perc," the number of meds does seem to be a bit extreme. TO a CP patient the level of opiates really doesn't seeem extreme. I've seen many taking much higher levels, and be much more functional, so things are relative to the population he represents.
It's not the dose of any one med that looks extreme to me but the sheer number of different meds and different classes of meds.
If you husband has a nerve component to his pain, like burning leg pain, this is the toughest pain to treat. It doesn't respond to opiates the same way a broken arm would or any other injury would. Before the days of long acting opiates all they could offer were antidepressants and meds to sedate the patient.
He should have improved function from PM not impaired. The antiD's can do a number on your libido, some are particularly well known for this effect. I can't imagine staying awake on that concoction although I take 10 times the amount of opiates he takes.
He may need a testosterone boost, it can easily be checked. Once the right amount of opiates were prescribed I was able to discontinue 4 other prescription meds and all the Tylenol and advil I was killing myself with.It took achange of docs and a 50% increase in opiate medication but it was nice to lift the cloud all thaose meds can cause.Prozac, Elevil, seraquel and lexepro in the daytime, add some klonopin and some opiates and you have a zombie in most anyone
As far as level of function, no amount of opiates or medication may return him to his former self and allow him to work again. Being disabled isn't a choice. At least not in my case. When the 3rd revision of my fusion was done I was bed ridden for a year because that fusion failed too. So no amount of opiate meds or other meds will stabilize my spine. I can function and take care of the house, the shopping, our child and at least feel I am contributing something to the homefront aside from an SSD check.
So much of what men do for a living makes up what a man thinks of himself. Tax time can become report card time. What he grossed determines his level of manhood. These are things that counseling alone and eventually together can help deal with.
If he were on opiates alone he wouldn't be as sedated as he must be with this list of other CNS depressants. CP patients become accommodated to the sedative and euphoric side effects or opiates.
You really don't get used to the edffects of all the psych meds, they have an intended purpose and change brain chemistry. 3 different antiD's, an antipsychotic and an anti-anxiety meed at the same time? Then add in a little something for pain and hope you haven't created a zombie?
There is no high from opiates when you are in pain and if pain is the only reason for the meds the likelihood of true addiction is very low.
Understanding that becoming dependent on these meds, meaning you go through withdrawal if discontinued abruptly does not equate to addiction is important for both of you. Addiction involves a whole list of destructive behavior. Ideally the meds should be improving function not inhibiting function. I think that may be the root of the problem. If you saw an increase in ability to function and a spark of personality you wouldn't be concerned by the the number of mgs of an opiate it took to manage his pain.
IMO, It really doesn't matter if your husband takes 80 mgs of OxyContin a day or 600mgs or Morphine a day as long as his function improves he's doing well given the circumstances.
Often the patient feels the spouse deserves better and becomes withdrawn in his own way pushing the spouse away although you may have no intention on bailing out. In his mind, he has no choice where he sees that you do have a choice, you can leave.
OxyContin has a terrible reputation, especially in Kentucky, It must be tough to avoid all the negative press. Many people think morphine is only for people dying of cancer when morphine is by far not the strongest narcotic pain killer. Just the gold standard to which other meds are compared. Oxy is 1.5 times stronger than morphine. Hydrocodone is actually equivalent in strength to morphine mg to mg. Dilaudid is stronger, methadone is stronger and the duragesic patch is measured in micro grams it's so strong.
I do think a fresh perspective may help as long as he knows he won't loose the pain relief he has. He may respond better to morphine or one of the other meds and experience less side effects. His testosterone level may have plummeted due to medication which can be easily checked. I'm not saying antidepressants don't have their place but he's medicated like a psyche patient more than a CP patient.
Don't get stuck on the number of mgs your husband needs of any med. If he requires 100mgs of long acting morphine 3 times a day and can drop 4 of the other sedating meds and his head clears and his function improves then who cares how many mgs of morphine he takes. Apparently this PM doc thinks it's better to limit the opiates and pile on the adjunctive meds. I have been both routes and had to change docs to get to a point where I could DC all the crap and focus on the pain meds, after all pain is the main issue, It's causing the anxiety and depression.
Print this post out and let him read it. I have had 3 lumbar surgeries, the last to replace broken hardware and now I'm fused from L1-S1 and recently broke another screw. But my pain is well managed and I don't need all the psych meds that have the biggest impact on his personality. My wife is happier, I'm happier and I function better. I don't worry about mgs of opiates, I worry about number of different medications since they all react with each other in some way, mostly sedation/somnelence=lack of personality.
The right level of the right pain med will actually clear his mind if he can dump all the other psych med crap unless he had major psych issues prior to the back problems.
Excepting that you have to live with some degree of pain is part of the key and understanding improved function is the goal, not just decreased pain by turning him into a zombie with all the other meds.
IMO He absolutely needs to find someone more aggressive with the pain meds and give up the shotgun approach of blasting him with every med you can think of. All it's doing is impairing him, rather than increasing his level of function. That can be obtained with pain meds alone.
Good luck, Shore
[This message has been edited by Shoreline (edited 10-28-2003).]
As far as the meds involved. It sounds like the doc has a shotgun method of pain management. Blast him with everything that might possibly work rather than actually supply him with a level of pain meds that actually helps.
The purpose of pain management is to restore function, The list of antiD's, antianxiety meds, antipsychotics and the minimal amount of pain meds doesn't sound like it's doing anything more than keeping him from eating a bullet. A second opinion would be a good thing but likely your husband is afraid of loosing the little relief he is getting.
For a CP patient what appears to be a high dose of pain meds to an opiate naive patient, "someone that has never taken anything stronger than a vicodin or perc," the number of meds does seem to be a bit extreme. TO a CP patient the level of opiates really doesn't seeem extreme. I've seen many taking much higher levels, and be much more functional, so things are relative to the population he represents.
It's not the dose of any one med that looks extreme to me but the sheer number of different meds and different classes of meds.
If you husband has a nerve component to his pain, like burning leg pain, this is the toughest pain to treat. It doesn't respond to opiates the same way a broken arm would or any other injury would. Before the days of long acting opiates all they could offer were antidepressants and meds to sedate the patient.
He should have improved function from PM not impaired. The antiD's can do a number on your libido, some are particularly well known for this effect. I can't imagine staying awake on that concoction although I take 10 times the amount of opiates he takes.
He may need a testosterone boost, it can easily be checked. Once the right amount of opiates were prescribed I was able to discontinue 4 other prescription meds and all the Tylenol and advil I was killing myself with.It took achange of docs and a 50% increase in opiate medication but it was nice to lift the cloud all thaose meds can cause.Prozac, Elevil, seraquel and lexepro in the daytime, add some klonopin and some opiates and you have a zombie in most anyone
As far as level of function, no amount of opiates or medication may return him to his former self and allow him to work again. Being disabled isn't a choice. At least not in my case. When the 3rd revision of my fusion was done I was bed ridden for a year because that fusion failed too. So no amount of opiate meds or other meds will stabilize my spine. I can function and take care of the house, the shopping, our child and at least feel I am contributing something to the homefront aside from an SSD check.
So much of what men do for a living makes up what a man thinks of himself. Tax time can become report card time. What he grossed determines his level of manhood. These are things that counseling alone and eventually together can help deal with.
If he were on opiates alone he wouldn't be as sedated as he must be with this list of other CNS depressants. CP patients become accommodated to the sedative and euphoric side effects or opiates.
You really don't get used to the edffects of all the psych meds, they have an intended purpose and change brain chemistry. 3 different antiD's, an antipsychotic and an anti-anxiety meed at the same time? Then add in a little something for pain and hope you haven't created a zombie?
There is no high from opiates when you are in pain and if pain is the only reason for the meds the likelihood of true addiction is very low.
Understanding that becoming dependent on these meds, meaning you go through withdrawal if discontinued abruptly does not equate to addiction is important for both of you. Addiction involves a whole list of destructive behavior. Ideally the meds should be improving function not inhibiting function. I think that may be the root of the problem. If you saw an increase in ability to function and a spark of personality you wouldn't be concerned by the the number of mgs of an opiate it took to manage his pain.
IMO, It really doesn't matter if your husband takes 80 mgs of OxyContin a day or 600mgs or Morphine a day as long as his function improves he's doing well given the circumstances.
Often the patient feels the spouse deserves better and becomes withdrawn in his own way pushing the spouse away although you may have no intention on bailing out. In his mind, he has no choice where he sees that you do have a choice, you can leave.
OxyContin has a terrible reputation, especially in Kentucky, It must be tough to avoid all the negative press. Many people think morphine is only for people dying of cancer when morphine is by far not the strongest narcotic pain killer. Just the gold standard to which other meds are compared. Oxy is 1.5 times stronger than morphine. Hydrocodone is actually equivalent in strength to morphine mg to mg. Dilaudid is stronger, methadone is stronger and the duragesic patch is measured in micro grams it's so strong.
I do think a fresh perspective may help as long as he knows he won't loose the pain relief he has. He may respond better to morphine or one of the other meds and experience less side effects. His testosterone level may have plummeted due to medication which can be easily checked. I'm not saying antidepressants don't have their place but he's medicated like a psyche patient more than a CP patient.
Don't get stuck on the number of mgs your husband needs of any med. If he requires 100mgs of long acting morphine 3 times a day and can drop 4 of the other sedating meds and his head clears and his function improves then who cares how many mgs of morphine he takes. Apparently this PM doc thinks it's better to limit the opiates and pile on the adjunctive meds. I have been both routes and had to change docs to get to a point where I could DC all the crap and focus on the pain meds, after all pain is the main issue, It's causing the anxiety and depression.
Print this post out and let him read it. I have had 3 lumbar surgeries, the last to replace broken hardware and now I'm fused from L1-S1 and recently broke another screw. But my pain is well managed and I don't need all the psych meds that have the biggest impact on his personality. My wife is happier, I'm happier and I function better. I don't worry about mgs of opiates, I worry about number of different medications since they all react with each other in some way, mostly sedation/somnelence=lack of personality.
The right level of the right pain med will actually clear his mind if he can dump all the other psych med crap unless he had major psych issues prior to the back problems.
Excepting that you have to live with some degree of pain is part of the key and understanding improved function is the goal, not just decreased pain by turning him into a zombie with all the other meds.
IMO He absolutely needs to find someone more aggressive with the pain meds and give up the shotgun approach of blasting him with every med you can think of. All it's doing is impairing him, rather than increasing his level of function. That can be obtained with pain meds alone.
Good luck, Shore
[This message has been edited by Shoreline (edited 10-28-2003).]
LouiseM
10-28-2003, 04:55 PM
I was just wondering why Clonazapan? My dad takes this for essential tremor? From what I understand it is for shaking? He does seem like he is on a lot of meds. I don't know for everyone here, but sometimes the pain meds cause me to feel down. I am sure it is different for everyone. For me too, pain seems to make me so tired! It is like your body fights it all day. You don't feel like doing anything. It must be hard on you too. I wish I could be of more help to you, sometimes it is good just to vent, and we are all here if you need to do a little of that!
This is a great board, and I am a newbie as well, I have found a lot of help from everyone so far. It is good to find out as much as you can, everyone here is very knowledgable, and very willing to offer any help they can.
Take care of yourself,
LouiseM
This is a great board, and I am a newbie as well, I have found a lot of help from everyone so far. It is good to find out as much as you can, everyone here is very knowledgable, and very willing to offer any help they can.
Take care of yourself,
LouiseM
LouiseM
10-28-2003, 05:06 PM
The other thing I wanted to add is you need to do something for yourself, everyday! If it is just sitting quietly for and hour or so early in the morning with a cup of coffee, or at night with a glass of wine, just to unwind. Buy something, it doesn't have to be huge! Get a facial once every two months, which would be 30.00 a month, put it aside for yourself.
The worst thing is to feel like someone is hanging on you, depending on you, and knowing how much your husband is hurting, you'll just end up feeling guilty for thinking that way, and resentful for all that you have to do. I think that is why you really NEED that time for yourself. It doesn't hurt to see someone to talk about it, if it professional or just here on the board.
Hope this helps!
LouiseM
The worst thing is to feel like someone is hanging on you, depending on you, and knowing how much your husband is hurting, you'll just end up feeling guilty for thinking that way, and resentful for all that you have to do. I think that is why you really NEED that time for yourself. It doesn't hurt to see someone to talk about it, if it professional or just here on the board.
Hope this helps!
LouiseM
jaguar63122
10-28-2003, 06:04 PM
Thank you all for posting so quickly. I really appriciate it. Quick history....My husband has Deginerative Disk Disease and had 2 fusions(lower) and a removal of hardware. After each surgery he gets worse. We have been together for 4 years and have been married 1 year. This last year, my husband has been suffering from depression horribly. I can't get him to seek help, nor can I get him to see another Doctor. It's like he has given up. It's not just me...his children are also suffering. He use to go to all of their ball games and this year I have managed to get him to 1. They feel like they have lost their Dad. I can except the physical limitations, and the financial limitations. I am having a hard time dealing with his unhappiness. He is feeling as though he has lost his life......but he refuses to seek help. He has all this faith in his Dr. and I think there has to be more out there. Why can he not see what is happening.
kmail
10-29-2003, 03:53 AM
Hi Jaguar,
It sure does seem like your husband is on too many meds. Since I don't know much about meds, I'll defer to others' posts, but I do know there is a website where you can type in the different medications and see what interactions may occur. I used that site a lot when my mom was on all kinds of meds for cancer.
As far as your relationship with your husband - I can relate to the lack of intimacy. When my husband was first unjured, I was afraid to have him be in more pain (he had beck surgery and suffers from sciatica) so I didn't really pursue him. And there are a couple of things that keep him from making moves.
First off, all the medication makes his body lethargic. Although he takes 200 mg Oxycontin per day and 5/500 vicodin 5x per day, he is on his feet all day working becasue we own our own business. The medication, I'm sure, dulls his senses, and certain parts need to be sensitive for us to derive pleasure - if not sensitive, and if not pleasurable, then why do it, right?
Second, when my husband is in such pain, even if he hasn't eaten all day, he does NOT want to eat when he's in pain. The pain breaks my husbands concentration and to put it bluntly, it's difficult to maintain an erection while he's in such pain.
While we may not have sex often, we are always together and always kind and loving. I have noticed that the meds make him react different than he used to and sometimes I resent that, but I tell myself it's the meds and/or the pain.
My husband has not had to take drugs for depression, although he has his days. Despite his pain (which starts out moderate in the AM and gets worse depending on how much activity he's done thru the day) he works all day (thank God he is able) and he plays 9 holes of golf on Sundays. He makes himself do this because he knows if he doesn't he will just wither away. He also says that he wants to grow old with me and that keeps him going.
He is aware that I go thru stress due to his pain and he acknowledges it. Like you, I do the heavy chores around the house and have him do the easier stuff. Sometimes people ask me "Why don't you make your husband do that?" referring to heavy lifting, yardwork, etc. So you are not alone, but he needs to realize he is not a lone either.
I don't know how involved you are with his drs. or appointments, but when my husband's pain increased, it has always been ME who made an appt to see to dr so we could up his prescription. If you can go to his appts with him, PLEASE DO. Go IN with him, and tell the dr everything you have written here and about your concerns for his mental well being. You may also try family counseling or at least a family meeting time when the kids get together and tell dad what they're feeling. In turn, he can tell them about the pain he's going thru, and they too can become more understanding.
I think at this point in his life, he needs help, esp. being on so many meds. He probably can't think straight. It's OK to step in and try to take a little control over this, before it controls all your lives. If it is not time for an appointment yet, make one anyways, at least for an evaluation of the meds. (and ask for a referral to a counselor of mental health professional - don't be shy, just blurt it out if you're scared!)
Sorry to go on for so long and moan about my husband's situation. As it was written in another post, thre is always someone out there who has it worse than you. That goes for me too. I will pray for your family. Please take care and let us know how it's going, ok?
K
P.S. you are NOT being selfish at all (((big hug))) !!
It sure does seem like your husband is on too many meds. Since I don't know much about meds, I'll defer to others' posts, but I do know there is a website where you can type in the different medications and see what interactions may occur. I used that site a lot when my mom was on all kinds of meds for cancer.
As far as your relationship with your husband - I can relate to the lack of intimacy. When my husband was first unjured, I was afraid to have him be in more pain (he had beck surgery and suffers from sciatica) so I didn't really pursue him. And there are a couple of things that keep him from making moves.
First off, all the medication makes his body lethargic. Although he takes 200 mg Oxycontin per day and 5/500 vicodin 5x per day, he is on his feet all day working becasue we own our own business. The medication, I'm sure, dulls his senses, and certain parts need to be sensitive for us to derive pleasure - if not sensitive, and if not pleasurable, then why do it, right?
Second, when my husband is in such pain, even if he hasn't eaten all day, he does NOT want to eat when he's in pain. The pain breaks my husbands concentration and to put it bluntly, it's difficult to maintain an erection while he's in such pain.
While we may not have sex often, we are always together and always kind and loving. I have noticed that the meds make him react different than he used to and sometimes I resent that, but I tell myself it's the meds and/or the pain.
My husband has not had to take drugs for depression, although he has his days. Despite his pain (which starts out moderate in the AM and gets worse depending on how much activity he's done thru the day) he works all day (thank God he is able) and he plays 9 holes of golf on Sundays. He makes himself do this because he knows if he doesn't he will just wither away. He also says that he wants to grow old with me and that keeps him going.
He is aware that I go thru stress due to his pain and he acknowledges it. Like you, I do the heavy chores around the house and have him do the easier stuff. Sometimes people ask me "Why don't you make your husband do that?" referring to heavy lifting, yardwork, etc. So you are not alone, but he needs to realize he is not a lone either.
I don't know how involved you are with his drs. or appointments, but when my husband's pain increased, it has always been ME who made an appt to see to dr so we could up his prescription. If you can go to his appts with him, PLEASE DO. Go IN with him, and tell the dr everything you have written here and about your concerns for his mental well being. You may also try family counseling or at least a family meeting time when the kids get together and tell dad what they're feeling. In turn, he can tell them about the pain he's going thru, and they too can become more understanding.
I think at this point in his life, he needs help, esp. being on so many meds. He probably can't think straight. It's OK to step in and try to take a little control over this, before it controls all your lives. If it is not time for an appointment yet, make one anyways, at least for an evaluation of the meds. (and ask for a referral to a counselor of mental health professional - don't be shy, just blurt it out if you're scared!)
Sorry to go on for so long and moan about my husband's situation. As it was written in another post, thre is always someone out there who has it worse than you. That goes for me too. I will pray for your family. Please take care and let us know how it's going, ok?
K
P.S. you are NOT being selfish at all (((big hug))) !!
chriztene
10-29-2003, 07:31 AM
Jaguar,
My heart <3 goes out to you and your support for your husband is admirable. You received excellent advice from the other posters and I would print out a few and discuss them with your husband.
I, particularly, liked shorline's advice regarding the shotgun approach your husband's doctor seems to be using. I would imagine any of us who took that many antidepressants would end up in a zombie like state of mind.
I am in no way a doctor (chronic pain sufferer) but it seems to me your husband could eliminate a few of the antidepressants he is currently taking. Moreover, taking many antidepressants together would eventually cancel each other out, imho.
You deserve to be heard regarding the issues you spoke of and especially where your/his children are concerned. Believe me, if one isnt careful, chronic pain can consume you and eventually this is all you focus on.
I do not have a spouse, but, I do live with my 23 year old daughter. She came to me several times concerning me not getting out as much, exercising, and spending to much time in my bedroom. I have since "listened" to her concerns and now am aware I was allowing my bladder disease and pain issues to consume/control my life. Speaking from experience ~ Being consumed with one's pain is very easy to do without consciously realizing it...
One more thing I would like to mention is antidepressants. There were certain medications I tried which made my depression worse! Additionally, some of the antidepressants made me extremely tired, listless, and to exhausted to attempt basic daily chores.
I wish you the best of luck, Jaguar. This is personal advice and in no way medical advice. These issues should always be discussed with your doctor.
Chriztene
My heart <3 goes out to you and your support for your husband is admirable. You received excellent advice from the other posters and I would print out a few and discuss them with your husband.
I, particularly, liked shorline's advice regarding the shotgun approach your husband's doctor seems to be using. I would imagine any of us who took that many antidepressants would end up in a zombie like state of mind.
I am in no way a doctor (chronic pain sufferer) but it seems to me your husband could eliminate a few of the antidepressants he is currently taking. Moreover, taking many antidepressants together would eventually cancel each other out, imho.
You deserve to be heard regarding the issues you spoke of and especially where your/his children are concerned. Believe me, if one isnt careful, chronic pain can consume you and eventually this is all you focus on.
I do not have a spouse, but, I do live with my 23 year old daughter. She came to me several times concerning me not getting out as much, exercising, and spending to much time in my bedroom. I have since "listened" to her concerns and now am aware I was allowing my bladder disease and pain issues to consume/control my life. Speaking from experience ~ Being consumed with one's pain is very easy to do without consciously realizing it...
One more thing I would like to mention is antidepressants. There were certain medications I tried which made my depression worse! Additionally, some of the antidepressants made me extremely tired, listless, and to exhausted to attempt basic daily chores.
I wish you the best of luck, Jaguar. This is personal advice and in no way medical advice. These issues should always be discussed with your doctor.
Chriztene
Mo7609
10-29-2003, 10:28 AM
I have to agree with what other posters have said. Being a chronic pain sufferer I know that until they found the right balance of meds for me that let me be a functioning person again I was miserable. Don't get me wrong I still have miserable days but sometimes you need to adjust or change what you are taking if it isn't working as it should. I sure hope he talks to his Dr about this; I am sure his DR wouldn't want him to be suffering like this and being as depressed as he is. Good luck to you and your husband. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Mo