Hi,

My mom has had schzophrenia since i was about 11-12 and my dad and her got a divorce becuase of all the tension and stress. She takes medication for this illness when they split up, but during the next 5 years she goes on and off it. She was in bad shape before thinking that she was god and stuff like that. I learned to deal with that because she was always been taking care of from her brothers and sisters and had some common sense about her. But then there came a bad period where she didnt take her medication for the longest time, and she got really bad like crashing a car into another one on perpose etc. She was taking to the hospital because of it.

THe problem with i live is that there is a law that states the mental ill have a choice to take there medication and cannot be forced to. When the NDP was in government they changed the law to this, those morons, i hope they rot in hell. This is retarted she endangers her own life and they can only keep her in the hospital for a few weeks, then when she gets out she doesnt take the medication and the cycle continues.

NO matter what u say u cannot make her take it. Trust me a tried for years.

I have lived my life for a while without thinking about it or her. She lives about 2 hours away from me. But a few days ago she took the bus up to where i live and called my family talking crazy. MY dad blew up and told her to go away, but she is so out of it she has no idea whats shes doing. So i saw her today walking down my street with a sleepbag [etc.]. I told her to come over here, it was like talking to a dog she was totally out of it. I tried to tell her to go back to where she lives and go to the hospital but she doesnnt listen, i say my dad will drive her but she refuses and stares into space for 10 minutes. She has never been like this before.

This is really depressing me because she has lost her apartment, has little to no money, and is wondering the streets with all her stuff. AND I CANT DO I DAMN THING! I love my mom with all my heart, and it kills me to see her like this, i cry so often, and so much stress because of today. I dont know what to do, i wish i could commit her, but the law stops this. I HATE THAT LAW! im so angery and sad at the same time, it really disruptive to my life. I mean she is not eating and she is wondering the streets, i dont want her to die! i lost my faith because of this along time ago..

I really need some advice on how to handle my feelings and is there anything i can tell myself because i think im getting depressed...

ANy help would be appriated.

Thanks

[ ~~ No profanities please, super-freak. ~~ Thanks, Minerva ]

[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 06-15-2002).]

Boy can I relate to you. My mom died in Aug of last year.I think she was always sick but got worse the older she got.

We too were helpless too help her.She lived in an old house without a toilet or hot water.Had God knows how many animals in the house. Everything she had was covered in animal hair and waste.

We ran into the same wall you have.We were told she had the right to live the way she wants(?) to .....mind your own business??????!!!!

I wish I could tell you how to help her. What happened with her is she'd call the police every time she got scared, telling them all sorts of crazy stuff. They finally took her to the hospital for obsevation.The determined she couldn't live alone any more. She was in a nursing home 3 weeks to the day when she died..

We had our mother back for about a week. The day before we took her out to Walmarts and she had the best time!I thank God for letting us have her back before she died, even if it was for such a short time.

It is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

Just remember she is ill and doesn't mean to be the way she is. Good luck.

One day I went on a website that listed vitamin information(it's purpose was just general health info), but when looking at B-Complex deficiency symptoms on the list, I was surprised to see schizophrenia on that list, along with others like depression. At that time, I would not have guessed simple vitamin deficiency could cause such a thing.

Since it seems your mom is refusing to take the meds, maybe perhaps you could suggest to her to take a high B-Complex supplement and see if it doesn't make her feel better? It might be worth a shot...anything would be right now, and if it didn't work, you'd only be out a few $$ for the effort. But maybe it would help her!?

Baker Act? Marchment Act? So sorry to hear of your dilema superfreak,,, Ill keep you in my prayers.

Hi Everyone http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Yes I can relate ... My brother has it he has been going through a rough time lately... But it's true you can't force them to take anything they are adults.
arg first alot of schitzophrenics can be perfectly normal one day and the next day having a rough time of it.. I hope and pray to find some answers through the new board here and I hope some people can help me learn a little more about this stuff so I can better help my brother.


Hugs
Koko

Dear Super Freak,

Your story really made me feel sad for you and for your Mom. You have to come to the realization that there is nothing you can do to change or help your Mom, other than to give her your most patient verbal feedback if she asks for it - but only if she asks for; if she doesn't, it won't be heeded.

Schizophrenia is a tragically resistant disease. The best way you can help your Mom is to strengthen and distance yourself. You can't make her take her medicine or get medical help unless she is willing to do that (schizophrenics who are off their medications rarely think they need help at all), or unless she threatens some harm to herself or others, at which time she will be hospitalized involuntarily.

You need to help YOU right now. You have a life ahead of you that shouldn't be sacrificed for a concntrated worry about your Mom. You will always care about her...that's for sure, but you must reach a decision about YOUR future that doesn't include your Mom in it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't love her, only that she will probably never be able to respond to you in other than a highly dysfunctional manner. You can't keep hoping that she will, or waiting for it, or trying to prod her into getting help; only SHE can do that, as you've seen before.

Go on with your own life in as positive and healthy a manner as is possible. That really is the best gift you can ever give your Mom.

I wish you the best!

Nancy

------------------
~~Love is the Hardest Lesson~~ -Wm. Penn

Hi Superfreak,
I know how you feel. I have a sister who has maniac depression. Its similar to what your Mom has. At the moment my sister is kinda acting like your Mom. I feel helpless as to what to do and at the same time I'm kinda feeling fed up with the whole situation.
I really think that it bothers us more then it bothers them. They really feel that nothing is wrong with them. The best thing you can do right now is to just be there when she needs you. You also have to give yourself the right to live your own life. I find that when things with my sister are driving me crazy the best thing I can do is give us a little space for a little while. You need a breather, You need someone else to step in from the family and worry about her well being. If she takes a turn for the worse she will be hospitalized. Does she have a social worker who handles her case? If so, try and call her and tell her whats going on with your Mom. She might be able to give you some ideas as to what you can do.
Until then try not to worry to much.....Keep in touch!

Thank u all so very much for your advice http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif IT is good to know that people care enough to respond to a post like this. I am feeling better, i just have to follow your advice and try to live my life. hopefully she will find the help she needs http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

Godbless
Mm

super_freak:
Hi!
You are in a very tough position!

I have a friend that used to be married to a man with
Paranoid Schizophrenia. I helped her get away from him, since he beat and abused her. Two of her sons had it, one commited suicide in jail. The other is still alive, taking all the energy of the family with his acting out.
My husband's step brother committed suicide, too, right in his mother's home; he was one of two brothers with this disorder. The other lives a productive life and has a girl-friend, because he chooses to take care of himself.

I agree with others that you must have a life apart from the out of control family member. They have a disorder, but they know right from wrong, and they will respond if they actually care if others don't want to be around them...if they so choose. We can't make anyone choose to love others or themselves.

Unfortunately, the very drugs we hope will make these people easier to be around, often prevent them from getting well. The drugs flatten the emotions so they really don't feel pain or loss, like we who are not on the drugs. There is evidence the drugs actually shrink the brain. So, it is a damned if they do, damned if they don't situation.
If they suddenly go off the meds, they can become psychotic from the instant withdrawal, as the meds have to be very slowly tapered down.

Unfortunately, treatment always involves those that have to deal with the person, more than the actual health of the patient. They know this and of course resist, because there is no dignity or joy in being manipulated for the purpose someone else's comfort.
That is why there are laws against forced treatment.
It is too bad they don't get helped to learn to value themselves and lead a productive life, in spite of the weakness they obviously have. Doing so takes way more than most people have to offer, and once the negative acting-out-then-getting-rejected cycle begins, they often become less and less responsive to others.

I see this cycle over and over in cases where one is out of control and the other wants to control.
It never works out. The one wanting control has to choose to let go, letting the other have the consequences of their actions, even if it means loss of the relationship. Sometimes the one acting out will realize the loss and make ammends. Often neither recognizes their role in the problem between them.

I think the best we can do for these loved ones and ourselves is to create distance from them, and have clear boundaries of what we won't put up with. Give them behavior restrictions they have to choose to comply with if they want to be with us. If they don't want to control themselves to be with us, we can't change it.

My mother is no longer with us, having died, but she had a serious personality disorder and was never really with us. I understand that kind of pain.
I hope you take time to grieve your losses.