I guess i am looking for a little confidance builder. The problem is my wife of 1-1/2 years. She is accuseing me of taking things and hideing or moving them in order to confuse her and "mess" with her mind. Currently she is going to a phycoligest and since she started it seems she is getting worse. But at least she is admitting she has a problem. I am starting counceling on feb 4th and in my interdution visit the councler suggested that I have three corses of action to take. 1. to be passive to the situation and things "may work out". 2. to fight the situation- seek help in dealing with her problem. 3. to flee move out and get awat from it. I have elected to fight. I have contacted our primary doctor and asked him to consult with her phycoligest and inform me as to how much of a problem this is. Meanwhile living with her is a nightmare, She dose not trust me and now I am getting paranoid that she is up to something, she has started talking to siblings she hasent talked to in years. and admitted seeing a devorse attorny. I am haveing a real hard time dealing with this situation and any advice would be of great help.

Good to see your post. If your wife has visited a divorce attorney then start getting ready for her decision. Most women make up their mind to get a divorce months or years before they let their husband know.

GEt a good look at your assets. Close any accounts on which you and she are jointly liable. If you can't close the accounts at least call and have the credit limits lowered so they can't get run up any more.

If she is planning on leaving you she will start putting away money in a place where you can't find it. Just watch your back and you should be OK.

Is she on meds? If so, then be extra careful.

As to picking up the gauntlet for a fight...... Sounds like a hard row to hoe my friend. If you lovely wife has troubles in the head then there is really nothing you can do except be supportive and provide her paycheck.

Married for 1 1/2 years.... I guess there are no kiddos involved. If there are kids in the picture then things can get really messy. My advice to you (which was not asked for) if kids are involved, is to make good notes as to doctors names and appointment times and especially any psychiatric meds that she is taking. If it does result in a divorce the above may assist you as regards custody of the child.

Best of luck to you.
Bruce

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Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.

Thanks for the reply Bruce, It sure wasn't what I expected-real kick in the butt. But your advice is well taken and a wake up. Going into battle without a alternative plan was really not a good idea.

A little more input, there are no children involved. This is a third marrage for both of us and the one that was going to last forever. We are both retired but I still work in the trades. She came into this marrage in debt and I with all the assets.

I really was hoping to hear from someone who had sucessfully worked out a problem simular to mine. But a OH WOW I DIDENT THINK OF THAT is welcome

She is not on medication for this problem at this time but I am hoping it might happen soon.

Thanks again for taking the time, Currage

You stated that you were concerned that she might do something. Has she been violent?

I ask because my husband had some problems in the past too; he was very paranoid of me. He got it in his head that I was trying to poison him because I gave him a little more green beans on his plate than mine one night. Of course, at the time, I couldn't make him see that his thinking pattern wasn't right.

He became violent and as a result I ended up with a busted ear drum and a damaged vertebrae in my back. My husband is being treated now and is doing well. He remembers some of what he went through. Mostly, he remembers the "thoughts" he had and how that reality was so very real to him. He only received medical help because he went to the hospital emergency room demanding a blood test so he could prove to the police that I was poisoning him.

My advice to you is to please be very careful.

Hi Creinia,
Thanks for your insight. To answer your question she is not violent. I dont think she knows how, she came from a very controled and well educated faimley. The side of her , and this has always been, is once her mind is set on something she will not give it up. Now with this problem it makes me more concerned. She really beleves these things, and that I am doing all of these things. I am sure that you with your husban went throu the threats-"you prove your not lyeing take a lie detectod test" and "you can be prosacuted for what you are doing", and so on. I just dont know how to handle a lot of what is happening with her. It is now effecting me I think about this all the time. It is effecting my work and social life. The thought of "flee" does nothing for me. I need to get her help. If I leave and she does not get help who knows where it is going?

Currage

Currage,

I know what you are going through. I tried to get help for my husband. The police couldn't help. Neither could his doctor. In my husbands case, when he went to the emergency room for that blood test to prove I was poisoning him, the doctor said that this was a sign that he wanted help so they had the police escort him to the psychiatric facility.

I really wasn't a religious person at the time, but when things got really bad and all hope was lost, I got on my knees and asked the Lord to help. I really didn't know what else to do. I had tried just about everything.

I loved my husband and even though it was extremely difficult to live with him, I kept telling myself that he was sick. This wasn't him. I couldn't just leave him when he was sick. But I'll tell you that leaving him crossed my mind many times.

I lived with his behavior for several years. When it was finally over, I broke down. Starting crying all the time and couldn't stop. My doc said that your body is designed to handle stress for short periods of time only. So I ended up on antidepressants for about 1 1/2 years.

I'm not going to lie and tell you how easy it's going to be or that it won't last long. Try to be patient. Keep telling yourself that it's not her. By all means, seek help for yourself through this. I didn't do that and wished now that I had. I might not have "crashed" myself. You are going to need to be strong through this so do whatever you feel you need to do to help yourself.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to email me directly. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Cheri.

Hi, again Cheri,
Thanks again for your repiy. How is your husban now? Is what was in his mind still there? Does he still bring these things up, not in conversation but in little hints now and then. Is he on medication. And most of all is he positive about his condition? I ask these questions becouse somehow I need to know there is a answer and I am not chaseing a rainbow. My wife and I have a very long history (40 years). altho I have gone throu 2 other marrages and didnt have contact for 35 years-in my hart I have always loved her.

So you see I am not about to give up. I have the support of my church behind me. Our doctor is aware of this problem and is acting on it, alittle slower then I would like ,but there is help there.

Your comunication with me is what I was looking for when I made the post. It means a lot to me to talk with someone "who has been there". And to know there is some light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel.

I am doing everything I can to understand her condition and help her find a way out. I have always thought of myself as a problem solver and this is the bigist porblem I ahve come up against.

Thank you for understanding. How do we find each others E-Mail address? I am new at this BB thing

Currage

You should be able to look into Cheri's profile that is on her post for her email address. However, Cheri in your profile your email address is not listed.

I'm new at this BB thing too!

My husband is doing great now. He is still on quite a bit of medication.

He was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic as a result of long term use of marijuana. I had never heard of this happening to anyone before, but when I went to group therapy with him, there were many people going through the same thing. His doctors say that this might go away with several years of treatment. I'm a bit skeptical as his mother and cousin also have problems with this condition too. The drugs probably just make the condition surface sooner.

Ben remembers most of the things he said and did and is very remorseful. You'll be happy to hear that there is absolutely NO SIGN of any paranoia now. I will tell you that it took about 6 months for his doctor to find just the right medication.

I have great confidence that once your wife seeks treatment, she'll be fine. It may take some time which is why I encourage you to find emotional help wherever you can. You'll need the strength to endure this with her.

Cheri.

[This message has been edited by creinha (edited 01-22-2003).]