Mushmelon
08-17-2002, 12:04 AM
I came here recently seeking advice and help for some mixed feelings I was having about an employee because there is a great age difference and because I am married. I had no intentions of cheating on my husband but I felt attacked and belittled in the replies I received. I have morals. I was made to feel ashamed and guilty for being honest and open. I was already feeling guilty which is one of the reasons I came here. Instead of some equally honest person coming forward and telling me that they had also been tempted before and it was perfectly natural as long as it wasn't acted upon I was condemned by people who don't even know me except for a few posts I've made. Since then I have read several topics posted by other people about 'cheating' on their loved ones. One person, who will remain nameless, even used the lame and totally unexceptable excuse that he/she was drunk and kissed someone else and they received a reply that said it was understandable because of the alcohol. WHAT????? I know I didn't quote that one but I didn't want to point fingers. If you look around you'll find the one I'm talking about. The point is, I've never touched this person, I've never kissed this person, and I love my husband. I confided in him about this and he didn't even have the reactions that I got in here. So new people, my advice to you: Post your problems, questions, ect...but don't take the replies to heart. These people don't know you and shouldn't judge you. Take all their advice, use what you might think help you but trust your own instincts. If you recieve replies that make you feel bad just go back in the archives and read some of the crap these people have posted in the past...see how smart they really are. (I'm including myself in this) As for the people who post the replies: Realize what kind of damage you could do to a young, confused mind. Always support and be positive. If you can't be positive, don't reply.
There. I've had my say. I can imagine the replies I'll get to this and I'm looking forward to it.
There. I've had my say. I can imagine the replies I'll get to this and I'm looking forward to it.
Sponsor
star508
08-17-2002, 01:00 AM
Just want to comment on one thing - not all replies can be positive nor should they all be positive. People are entitled to their opinions whether they're positive or negative. If you don't like the words they used to express themselves, that's one thing. But their opinions are something else.
AshleeD
08-17-2002, 03:35 AM
..Makes cat hissing noises..
What is this, be snappy day? Hehehe, sorry, star, had to say it :D
Anyway I disagree with you. The boards here are made for a means to get support and help...not go get told off or have another's opinon shoved in your face. Yes, we are ALL entitled to our own opinions as a right, but when we state them it should be done nicely, and your opinions should be used to make a difference in the way one is thinking or help them...not make them feel like their opinion is wrong.
Mushmelon, I'm sorry people got the wrong idea about you...we ALL make mistakes, even rude, careless people. We just have to make sure we state everything correctly so people don't jump down our throats...you know what I mean? As long as you learn from the mistakes you make in life, you're good :) Hope this helps!
Lots of Love!
Ashlee
What is this, be snappy day? Hehehe, sorry, star, had to say it :D
Anyway I disagree with you. The boards here are made for a means to get support and help...not go get told off or have another's opinon shoved in your face. Yes, we are ALL entitled to our own opinions as a right, but when we state them it should be done nicely, and your opinions should be used to make a difference in the way one is thinking or help them...not make them feel like their opinion is wrong.
Mushmelon, I'm sorry people got the wrong idea about you...we ALL make mistakes, even rude, careless people. We just have to make sure we state everything correctly so people don't jump down our throats...you know what I mean? As long as you learn from the mistakes you make in life, you're good :) Hope this helps!
Lots of Love!
Ashlee
AshleeD
08-17-2002, 03:39 AM
Btw, Mushmelon, I forgot to mention...if you've never been drunk, try it...(j/k)...no what I mean is, alcohol changes your perspectives...and if you have never been drunk you won't know this. I know the girl who posted the question about that, and although she should've made sure she was drinking around people she could trust and know she wouldn't do anything with, alcohol still makes everything a blur to you, and she probably had no idea what the heck she was doing. I know people who have got up in front of people and danced who don't remember a thing. I've been very drunk before and don't remember a thing either...you don't know what you're doing, and that's a fact. She should've made a better choice, but she shouldn't be picked on. That's exactly what you came here to try and say, yet you're doing the same thing to her as others have done to you.
Just had to say that. Still, take care, and if you ever need advice and don't wanna be judged, I'm here :)
Oh yes, and in my last post, star508, I wasn't saying you or anyone else was a rude, careless person, I was just telling her that ALL people make mistakes including them...just wanted to clear that up :D so no feelings were hurt.
[This message has been edited by AshleeD (edited 08-17-2002).]
Just had to say that. Still, take care, and if you ever need advice and don't wanna be judged, I'm here :)
Oh yes, and in my last post, star508, I wasn't saying you or anyone else was a rude, careless person, I was just telling her that ALL people make mistakes including them...just wanted to clear that up :D so no feelings were hurt.
[This message has been edited by AshleeD (edited 08-17-2002).]
Halcyone
08-18-2002, 05:20 AM
Hello there, just had to add something! Mushmelon, you're so right - I'm sure you read the thread, 'Cheating,' from a little while ago. I posted, in the spirit that I had something to add because of my own situation. Next time I look, a whole string of attacks! I posted again, to say that I thought the boards were for open and honest discussions, not for others to vent their spleens - and then next thing, the thread was deleted! Ah well....
Like you say, there's plenty of crap on here, and I'm sure that both of us (and others) could have made comments about the behaviour of some posters. However, I know that I don't own a house on the moral high ground! Which isn't to say that I don't have any morals either, but I appreciate diversity in all forms, and understand that we all have different beliefs too.
So, I think yes, if you have something useful to post, that might help someone else, do it - and let's hope that others can see that for what it is, without applying their own moral code to it. There is a lot of good advice on these boards, and one of the best things is being able to get another viewpoint on something you're going through.
Phew! Vented my own spleen there! Take care all of you
Halcyone
Like you say, there's plenty of crap on here, and I'm sure that both of us (and others) could have made comments about the behaviour of some posters. However, I know that I don't own a house on the moral high ground! Which isn't to say that I don't have any morals either, but I appreciate diversity in all forms, and understand that we all have different beliefs too.
So, I think yes, if you have something useful to post, that might help someone else, do it - and let's hope that others can see that for what it is, without applying their own moral code to it. There is a lot of good advice on these boards, and one of the best things is being able to get another viewpoint on something you're going through.
Phew! Vented my own spleen there! Take care all of you
Halcyone
paddington
08-18-2002, 05:27 AM
[Please note that there is a new board 'Relationship Issues' which is more suitable for this type of topic.
Thanks
Paddington]
Thanks
Paddington]