Lisa1171
08-01-2002, 03:14 PM
Hi, I would love to hear anyone's opinion on this. My boyfriend of 4 years downloads porn from the internet almost everyday when I am not home. He sometimes deletes them before I get home. Do you think its normal for him to do this or is it something I should worry about? We have a very good sex life. He says that he is very happy about it. We talk very openly about sex and everything related to it. Is this just something people like to look at. I mean I am not saying its bad. Some of it turns me on too, but could this be a problem what he is doing?
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F-Man
08-01-2002, 05:25 PM
I'm not sure how you define "normal" but if you're asking it is common and standard behavior to view pornagraphy on a daily basis, then I would say it is not normal. I don't have any survey to back this up, but I would guess, that the vast, vast majority of people do not view porn daily. Abnormal doesn't mean bad, necessarily.
Is it something to worry about? I'd say probably not. I guess if you posted here, you must be at least a little concerned. You said you have very open and honest communication with your man, particularly with regard to sex so my suggestion is you discuss this with him. I guess basically if it causing a problem for your relationship then its a problem. If its not then its not. sounds kind of simple, but maybe it is just that simple.
I would guess its only a problem if it is becoming an obsession with him. Any obsession can be a problem, not just sexual ones. If someone is neglecting other aspects of their life so they can view porn all day, then thats a problem. Or if they are viewing stuff like kiddie porn, or bestiality or really bizarre stuff. If he's into bizarre sex that you're not into and that is why he views internet porn, that could be a problem. It doesn't sound like any of that is the case, so I wouldn't be concerned.
Is it something to worry about? I'd say probably not. I guess if you posted here, you must be at least a little concerned. You said you have very open and honest communication with your man, particularly with regard to sex so my suggestion is you discuss this with him. I guess basically if it causing a problem for your relationship then its a problem. If its not then its not. sounds kind of simple, but maybe it is just that simple.
I would guess its only a problem if it is becoming an obsession with him. Any obsession can be a problem, not just sexual ones. If someone is neglecting other aspects of their life so they can view porn all day, then thats a problem. Or if they are viewing stuff like kiddie porn, or bestiality or really bizarre stuff. If he's into bizarre sex that you're not into and that is why he views internet porn, that could be a problem. It doesn't sound like any of that is the case, so I wouldn't be concerned.
ANiceGirl
08-01-2002, 10:40 PM
My husband looks at porn all the time and I couldn't care less. Heck, I look at it too sometimes. If it turns you on, why not look at it with him? It might do great things for your sex life.. As long as he is not obsessing over it or needing it to orgasm, then I see no harm in it. Good luck,
A Nice Girl
A Nice Girl
ice_tornado
08-05-2002, 07:44 PM
i think looking at porn is normal, i mena my g/f doesnt care if i look at it every once and awhile, its just normal
Lindarella
08-06-2002, 03:27 PM
If he's deleting it before you get home, why? Is he afraid you'll be mad? Is he ashamed?
I guess since you're asking for opinions, mine is that it's not normal for someone to download porn every day when their girlfriend isn't home. What makes it more "not normal" is his need to delete it. If he thought it was normal he wouldn't delete it. ;)
I guess since you're asking for opinions, mine is that it's not normal for someone to download porn every day when their girlfriend isn't home. What makes it more "not normal" is his need to delete it. If he thought it was normal he wouldn't delete it. ;)
mothmin
08-06-2002, 09:58 PM
males are "visual" creatures, we like to see beautiful girls, it's nothing to do with love, like you might want to visit some place on vacation. but that doesn't mean you have to move there.
KC Lee
08-06-2002, 10:24 PM
Maybe what's really bothering you is that he's trying to hide it from you. Also, I'm assuming you live together. Maybe this was something he has always done, you just didn't notice until you moved in together. I don't know. I see porn as harmless. But, if it bothers you, he should be willing to cut back or be more open about it with you.
Lisa1171
08-07-2002, 04:25 PM
Thanks for all the great opinions. I have decided that if it does not affect our relationship, which I don't see that it does than I should not be bothered by it. Maybe it is a little jealousy- I started thinking maybe I wasn't enough. But that is crazy for me to think that he doesn't look. I know I still do. I would never act on it and I seriously don't think he would. It does boter me in a way that he tries to delete some of it, but I think he doesn't want me to think less of him or something like that. That is why I am kind of having a hard time bringing the subject up. I don't want to embarass him. I think I should just deal with it.
indygirl
08-19-2002, 02:48 AM
I will have to agree. I don't feel that porn is bad. I have been married to my husband for 4 years and our sex life is wonderful, exciting, and fun. I was married once before and I couldn't ever express myself the way I do with my husband now. My first husband and I didn't have that kind of realtionship. But being married to my husband now, its wonderful. He looks at porn on the internet, saves pics, and we look at them together too. We watch porn movies together as well as least once a week. I don't get upset if I come home and he is looking at women on the net. I enjoy them too. My sex life with my husband now, is so much more enjoyable because I am able to express my thoughts, feelings, as so does he.
He might be hiding it because he may feel that it might make you upset, or not trust him, or even accuse him. Talk to him and let him know how you feel, let him know if you like it too, and explore with both of you looking and watching. See what happens, if might make you sex life even more exciting.
Like it has mine.
Good luck, and wish you well
He might be hiding it because he may feel that it might make you upset, or not trust him, or even accuse him. Talk to him and let him know how you feel, let him know if you like it too, and explore with both of you looking and watching. See what happens, if might make you sex life even more exciting.
Like it has mine.
Good luck, and wish you well
anewhope
08-22-2002, 07:18 AM
Porn is perfectly normal, I think every man on these boards could put is hand on his heart and admit to looking at Porn. I suppose it could become detrimental if it is something like hardcore bondage or anything along those lines, but as long as your relationship and sex life is unaffected there's not a problem.
Blastoff9600
08-22-2002, 01:06 PM
How can hordcare bondage or such be considered detrimental?? I am female and I love looking at porn and most of it is hardcore bondage and my hubby hasnt had any problems with it. Though he doesnt enjoy the hardcore stuff. I also dnt mind in the least of him looking at porn. I even encourage him to since I buy our movies and mags.
I dont see how it would be detrimental unless of course he is wanting to try the stuff but doesnt talk with his gf about it. Then it can cause problems. But most relationships dont suffer if the couple talks everything out and agrees what limits there are.
To be honest none of us can sya what is normal or what isnt. We all have differences and hence what one considers normal may not be to another. So one cant honestly judge what others do based on oneself.
I dont see how it would be detrimental unless of course he is wanting to try the stuff but doesnt talk with his gf about it. Then it can cause problems. But most relationships dont suffer if the couple talks everything out and agrees what limits there are.
To be honest none of us can sya what is normal or what isnt. We all have differences and hence what one considers normal may not be to another. So one cant honestly judge what others do based on oneself.
Lisa1171
08-23-2002, 03:44 PM
The only problem in my opinion with this is that he is deleting them--- I would like to see! j/k ;)
Really I would just rather him be honest about it and that is something I need to bring up. Like I said- I don't want to embarass him, so I am still waiting for a good opportunity. I think that he doesn't want me to think he is sitting around all day looking at porn when things need to be done around the house and stuff. Which I have no complaints in that area because he is still doing work around the house and other stuff. Its not like he's looking at it all day. I guess its more common than I thought.
Really I would just rather him be honest about it and that is something I need to bring up. Like I said- I don't want to embarass him, so I am still waiting for a good opportunity. I think that he doesn't want me to think he is sitting around all day looking at porn when things need to be done around the house and stuff. Which I have no complaints in that area because he is still doing work around the house and other stuff. Its not like he's looking at it all day. I guess its more common than I thought.
Dramaqueen
10-17-2002, 06:28 PM
Its completely normal, I wouldn't worry at all! :) If it REALLY bothers you, then talk to him about it and see what he says. Otherwise i'd just ignore it. :)
Hadom79
10-22-2002, 11:06 AM
Let him know. Tell him you have no problem with it and you dont think any lesser of him for doing so. If you let him know its normal to see porn he will more than likely be more open with you. Porn has become a part of many couples sexual life. Maybe he has a fantacy that he is to shy to bring up. If it suites you, enquire about it. Ask him nonchalantly hey what if we tried that that they did in that film. If it is an obsession than the two of you should seek to find him help. If it intrudes on your relationship, inteferes with his work rsponsibilities or causes him to act diffrently (usually negitively)then it more than likely is an obsession. Porn in itself is not bad. Just in how it is used. It could be used to the advantage of the two of you. If he is arroused by this, comes home, the two of you can be in for a real treat. But watch the circumstances over a period of time. If he shows a trend of increased involment (i.e from softcore, to hardcore, to prostitution, and so on) then there is a serious problem. Also look at other areas in your relationship. How is the communication? Have things gotten better for you in life or degraded? Love grows, a growing relationship is a sign of a relationship that is healthy and will last.