Disposition
07-14-2002, 08:09 PM
Hey guys.
First off let me say that I will be talking to my partner about this, I know I have to. I'd just like some advice on how to go about doing it, and whether or not you think I'm over-reacting.
Things haven't always been this way, but for the past few months, when my partner and I fool around and have intercourse this is what happens:
He will get turned on for whatever reason, and soon after, he won't exactly EXPECT me to give him oral/manual sex, but he knows I'll do it. So after pleasuring him in one way or another for a good half hour (mind you half the time he'll be watching tv), he then pulls my head up, or my hand off, or whatever, and he will slip on a condom.
At this point, I know what he wants. So he sits me on him and will sit there as I do all the work, and the most he will do is put his hands on my waist. He won't touch me, he won't kiss me.
He knows what I want, and what I like. He used to always do it, and I've given him pleanty of reminders, but he doesn't touch me.
And as I sit there, giving him sex, he'll just enjoy until he's finished, orgasmed, and has came then he'll get me off of him and proceed to put his clothes back on right away.
The whole time I get NOTHING at all, not even a kiss, and then after he will ask why I look disappointed and I'll just sit there thinking "well.. duh".
A bit ago I asked him why he never gave me oral sex anymore seeming as how he knows how much I love it, and he told me it was because he disliked the taste of discharge. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif
I've never heard that one before, plus he never used to mind it.
So guys I'm wondering here, am I really asking too much of him?
All I want is a little in return for all the giving I do :(
Some help please guys?
He makes me feel like such an object :(
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"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
First off let me say that I will be talking to my partner about this, I know I have to. I'd just like some advice on how to go about doing it, and whether or not you think I'm over-reacting.
Things haven't always been this way, but for the past few months, when my partner and I fool around and have intercourse this is what happens:
He will get turned on for whatever reason, and soon after, he won't exactly EXPECT me to give him oral/manual sex, but he knows I'll do it. So after pleasuring him in one way or another for a good half hour (mind you half the time he'll be watching tv), he then pulls my head up, or my hand off, or whatever, and he will slip on a condom.
At this point, I know what he wants. So he sits me on him and will sit there as I do all the work, and the most he will do is put his hands on my waist. He won't touch me, he won't kiss me.
He knows what I want, and what I like. He used to always do it, and I've given him pleanty of reminders, but he doesn't touch me.
And as I sit there, giving him sex, he'll just enjoy until he's finished, orgasmed, and has came then he'll get me off of him and proceed to put his clothes back on right away.
The whole time I get NOTHING at all, not even a kiss, and then after he will ask why I look disappointed and I'll just sit there thinking "well.. duh".
A bit ago I asked him why he never gave me oral sex anymore seeming as how he knows how much I love it, and he told me it was because he disliked the taste of discharge. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif
I've never heard that one before, plus he never used to mind it.
So guys I'm wondering here, am I really asking too much of him?
All I want is a little in return for all the giving I do :(
Some help please guys?
He makes me feel like such an object :(
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"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
Sponsor
whitewolf95
07-14-2002, 08:37 PM
Oh darlin' you arent reading too much in it at all. He needs to get his act together that is for sure.
You really do need to talk to him. Just sit him down and sya that you two need to talk and figure out what is going on. Let him know you miss the things he use to do. Also remind him that certains didnt seem to bother him before but now they do.
Though I will tell you that when my huby got "forgetful" of the things I loved he soon found out that I got forgetful of what sex was....Boy oh boy did that get the point across. He finally asked me what was wrong and I told him that I had already talked to him about the problem. Which I had tried to talk to him several times before that. So we finally had out talk in which he actually listened and talked about it all. Things turned great after that and so far he has been very mindful of the things I like/love.
Though if it comes down to it then you might have to stop giving to get your point across...that is if the talking doesnt work.
Good luck and I hope things turn out ok.
You really do need to talk to him. Just sit him down and sya that you two need to talk and figure out what is going on. Let him know you miss the things he use to do. Also remind him that certains didnt seem to bother him before but now they do.
Though I will tell you that when my huby got "forgetful" of the things I loved he soon found out that I got forgetful of what sex was....Boy oh boy did that get the point across. He finally asked me what was wrong and I told him that I had already talked to him about the problem. Which I had tried to talk to him several times before that. So we finally had out talk in which he actually listened and talked about it all. Things turned great after that and so far he has been very mindful of the things I like/love.
Though if it comes down to it then you might have to stop giving to get your point across...that is if the talking doesnt work.
Good luck and I hope things turn out ok.
safetygirl
07-14-2002, 08:38 PM
Hey Hon,
I know you want advice from guys, but here is advice from a girl: Dump him. He is utterly selfish. You deserve better. You've given him hints and everything, and he has not heeded it. He is treating you like you're just a hole to **** and suck him. Lose him. You won't ever regret it.
I know you want advice from guys, but here is advice from a girl: Dump him. He is utterly selfish. You deserve better. You've given him hints and everything, and he has not heeded it. He is treating you like you're just a hole to **** and suck him. Lose him. You won't ever regret it.
Del_00
07-15-2002, 07:02 AM
Sorry disposition thats not so good. Speaking as a man I find touching, kissing and exploring a womans body in some ways more pleasurable than the act itself. He's treating you very badly and I don't meant to sound harsh but he's almost using you like a prostitute.
On him not liking giving you Oral on account of the taste I think thats fair - personally i think Oral sex should be kept clean on both guys and girls, neither fluid is designed for consumption is it! can't he use a latex square or cut a condom into a square?
Why not suggest a game where he has to keep his undearwear on and pleasure you using whatever methods and then he gets his turn! I have had hugely erotic experiences doing this with a girl, KNOWING your girl is getting pleasure i find very sexy and heightens my enjoyment. I think he needs reminding what heaven it is to really experience every inch of a womans body not just the 'sexual bits'. Try asking him whether he's game for keeping his pants until your ready and try to get himto touch your body in a non sexual way too and remind him how soft and lovely you undoubtedly are ;) I just love women me! :D GOOD LUCK!
On him not liking giving you Oral on account of the taste I think thats fair - personally i think Oral sex should be kept clean on both guys and girls, neither fluid is designed for consumption is it! can't he use a latex square or cut a condom into a square?
Why not suggest a game where he has to keep his undearwear on and pleasure you using whatever methods and then he gets his turn! I have had hugely erotic experiences doing this with a girl, KNOWING your girl is getting pleasure i find very sexy and heightens my enjoyment. I think he needs reminding what heaven it is to really experience every inch of a womans body not just the 'sexual bits'. Try asking him whether he's game for keeping his pants until your ready and try to get himto touch your body in a non sexual way too and remind him how soft and lovely you undoubtedly are ;) I just love women me! :D GOOD LUCK!
mlgable
07-15-2002, 11:45 AM
One thing you need to clear up to when you do talk to him is exactly what he meant by he doesn't like the taste of your discharge. Was he talking about your lubrication or is there some other problem that you might not be aware of that. You need to sit down and talk to him but give him an utimatum so to speak. Let him know you will not be meeting his needs until he starts at least trying to meet some of his needs. Remind him that this is a two way street and that you have needs too. Good Luck. I have and still am down that same road somewhat.
Disposition
07-15-2002, 09:36 PM
Thank you guys very much for all the advice, I appreciate it.
We'll see what we can do about it.
We'll be visiting one another wednesday, I'll let you guys know how it goes.
Thanks again. :)
------------------
"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
We'll see what we can do about it.
We'll be visiting one another wednesday, I'll let you guys know how it goes.
Thanks again. :)
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"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
cadis31
07-19-2002, 01:53 PM
Hey Disposition, I have not taken the time to read the rest of the replies on this, so I hope I don’t step on anyone. It sounds like to me that your guy needs a serious wake up call, or for you to just get rid of him. This is a sore subject for me, L I love to give, do, and/or perform anything on my wife that will get her going, or put her in the ozone. I think any man that stops short of that is no man at all, but a stingy, self centered, little boy. He has to understand that you need to be pleased as well, I always will put my wife’s pleasure before mine. Maybe you should stop doing all the little favors for him, just not give it to him until he gets the point of what should happen here. If he fails to get the point, drop him like a bad habit, because he will not change. I hope this was not too harsh, but I hope it helps some. :D
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~cadis~
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I love you dearly Kim, A/F.
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~cadis~
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I love you dearly Kim, A/F.
Disposition
07-19-2002, 07:48 PM
Thanks for the input cadis.
Well like I meantioned, I went to visit a couple of days ago. Before actually talking to him about anything, I decided to test him a bit and see if he'd remember what we had previously talked about. Low and behold, he barely touched me. This time, we did do some anal work, so he was pleasuring me but that's the only thing he did. So it was an "improvement" per say. But not what I asked for.
So I guess that means next time I visit him, he's getting nothing unless he gives first. It's hard though, because I find exploring his body pleasurable
:(
I guess all there is to do is wait. *tear*
------------------
"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
Well like I meantioned, I went to visit a couple of days ago. Before actually talking to him about anything, I decided to test him a bit and see if he'd remember what we had previously talked about. Low and behold, he barely touched me. This time, we did do some anal work, so he was pleasuring me but that's the only thing he did. So it was an "improvement" per say. But not what I asked for.
So I guess that means next time I visit him, he's getting nothing unless he gives first. It's hard though, because I find exploring his body pleasurable
:(
I guess all there is to do is wait. *tear*
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"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
Teri beri
07-20-2002, 10:57 PM
dont give him ne till he gives u sum thatshould set him straight. Make him do somethin or find someone else
AshLin
07-26-2002, 06:17 PM
Hi Disposition,
When I was 18 I dated a great guy, well great.. except when it came to his selfish nature during sex. It was just as bad as yours. No kissing, no playing, nothing, and when he was done he would roll over and go to sleep. I went so far as to masturbate next to him while he slept because I was left so ... ughhh it drove me nuts. I talked to him about it.. he never gave me an answer that worked. I was in love with him too. After awhile I had to look at what I had, and how disapointed I was left. I left him... he actually cried when I left him.. it was horrible. I didn't even think he knew I existed half the time, I did not expect a reaction from him when I walked out. But, I stuck to my guns and moved on. He soon started dating a friend of mine, I think she was more patient with him.. or maybe had no sex drive I don't know, but they worked, I was happy for them. He and I are still friends, and we both know we just didn't work with each other. I knew I deserved better.. and I got what I asked for. My bf now is incredible.. absolutely... wow wow wow is all I can say. Talk to him, try to resolve it, but if nothing changes.. move on. You deserve to be treated with respect.
When I was 18 I dated a great guy, well great.. except when it came to his selfish nature during sex. It was just as bad as yours. No kissing, no playing, nothing, and when he was done he would roll over and go to sleep. I went so far as to masturbate next to him while he slept because I was left so ... ughhh it drove me nuts. I talked to him about it.. he never gave me an answer that worked. I was in love with him too. After awhile I had to look at what I had, and how disapointed I was left. I left him... he actually cried when I left him.. it was horrible. I didn't even think he knew I existed half the time, I did not expect a reaction from him when I walked out. But, I stuck to my guns and moved on. He soon started dating a friend of mine, I think she was more patient with him.. or maybe had no sex drive I don't know, but they worked, I was happy for them. He and I are still friends, and we both know we just didn't work with each other. I knew I deserved better.. and I got what I asked for. My bf now is incredible.. absolutely... wow wow wow is all I can say. Talk to him, try to resolve it, but if nothing changes.. move on. You deserve to be treated with respect.
Disposition
07-26-2002, 11:59 PM
Thanks AshLin, it helps to read a response from someone who was in basically my exact position.
Have to wait till next time I visit, to see what happens. So I'm trying not to think about it for the time being, I guess that's really are there is left to do for now.
------------------
"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
Have to wait till next time I visit, to see what happens. So I'm trying not to think about it for the time being, I guess that's really are there is left to do for now.
------------------
"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."
Michael _aka_Sparky
08-16-2002, 07:20 PM
Disposition, another male here. Not to be mean, but what the heck is wrong with him. I can not imagine just sitting there. I absolutly enjoy kissing and caressing my Wife all over. And that's just the beginning of foreplay. And I can't even begin to tell you how much I LOVE to give her oral pleassure.
I would seriously consider finding someone new, if he is not going to change. I know this may sound harsh, but you need love & pleassure also.
Sparky
I would seriously consider finding someone new, if he is not going to change. I know this may sound harsh, but you need love & pleassure also.
Sparky
Dramaqueen
10-17-2002, 07:12 PM
I agree with what everyones said...if hes not giving you any don't give him any-no matter how much you like pleasuring him. If he doesn't get the hint after you've done that and talked to him, leave him. It might be really hard but it will be worth it in the long run...
Take care :)
Take care :)
berto
10-18-2002, 12:38 AM
He should be touching and kissing every inch of your body. Pleasuring you in every forbidden place possible. As for discharge - ummmmm that is part of that animal passion that should drive him wild !
C'mon fella whoever you are - LET THAT PASSION FLOW !
C'mon fella whoever you are - LET THAT PASSION FLOW !
PAISLEY
10-18-2002, 02:14 PM
Hi :wave:
I assume you guys are in a long distance relationship? Yeah, well...I hate to sound morbid and harsh, but IMHO, I think that maybe you need to ask if someone else is in the picture. If he wasn't always like this and now he's selfish, I'd be checking to see WHO has introduced him to this type of play :eek:
Just a thought~
I assume you guys are in a long distance relationship? Yeah, well...I hate to sound morbid and harsh, but IMHO, I think that maybe you need to ask if someone else is in the picture. If he wasn't always like this and now he's selfish, I'd be checking to see WHO has introduced him to this type of play :eek:
Just a thought~
AshLin
10-18-2002, 04:52 PM
Just to update the recent posters...
Disposition had a post recently stating that she left her boyfriend. She called him on his cell phone and another girl answered, this was her first sign that he wasn't being faithful. She found that he was cheating and left him. I'm not sure where the post is... But Paisley.. you were right.. he wasn't being faithful. What a loser this guy was, I'm so glad she is rid of him.
Disposition had a post recently stating that she left her boyfriend. She called him on his cell phone and another girl answered, this was her first sign that he wasn't being faithful. She found that he was cheating and left him. I'm not sure where the post is... But Paisley.. you were right.. he wasn't being faithful. What a loser this guy was, I'm so glad she is rid of him.
Hadom79
10-22-2002, 10:42 AM
Hmmmm. His behavior in some part or in whole represents his feelings of you. From a man's perspective I have to say that he does not truely love you. I say so for a couple of reasons. Intimacy, yes even the physical aspect of it, includes the desire to make the experience (whether it be sexual or nonsexual in nature) with your partner as pleasurable as it can be. The focus here is himself. You know he is selfish. You admit to this. Watching TV and not getting truely involved in the experience is an indication that he does not care wether you are enjoying the time the two of you spend together or not. As far as the affection aspect of the lovemaking experience plays into the formula there are a few things to look at. 1) He is not capable of affection or wishes not to be. A guy who loves his girl will not be affectionate out of duty but desire. My experiences have dictated this. It is not by coincidence that when I am in love with a girl that I am hungry to devour her with my affection. It is more like; I Love her; therefore I desire to express that love using my hunger to the advantage. 2. Expectations; In a sense I do have expectations, but that is a part of knowing each other. What exactly to expect is another question because creativity adds an element of randomness. Has every female I have been with expect that I go down on her. Probably. Never has it been an issue of demands. Its just my partner knowing my hunger. And if she knows me then she knows that I enjoy doing it. And if she enjoys it because she is without guilt knowing I do it for enjoyment, she will tend to be more relaxed, letting me enjoy her.
lawtalkinguy
10-22-2002, 11:26 PM
disposition you need to talk to this guy about it. Sit him down and lay it out. Things in the bedroom should be equal.
I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I have a similar problem with my GF, she likes to lie there and not do anything, orgasm then say 'im off to sleep'
She will gladly admit that she doesn't want to do any of the work, and says that its my fault for making her come so she is too tired to pleasure me.
This extends as far as refusing to give me any oral sex, not because of any object, but because she 'just doesn't want to' its 'too much effort'
granted i have sat her down and spoken to her about it, and I love her lots so I want to work through it with her, does anyone have any suggestions?
I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I have a similar problem with my GF, she likes to lie there and not do anything, orgasm then say 'im off to sleep'
She will gladly admit that she doesn't want to do any of the work, and says that its my fault for making her come so she is too tired to pleasure me.
This extends as far as refusing to give me any oral sex, not because of any object, but because she 'just doesn't want to' its 'too much effort'
granted i have sat her down and spoken to her about it, and I love her lots so I want to work through it with her, does anyone have any suggestions?