my husband (he's 56!!!!) has recently been diagnosed with ADD (he's had it all his life, and managed to get by so far), and i'm having trouble dealing with it ... i have health problems myself, but i want to know: how does a person with ADD feel? what are some good medications? he's going to see a psychologist who specialises in this, but in the meantime, what can i do? i feel like he doesn't love me!

i can't get out, so help groups are out for me ...

anything you can tell me would be appreciated ... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif

You can join CHADD online. Look up CHADD via a search and see what you think. As for your husband he shouldn't feel or act any different now than he has all along. The biggest thing with ADD is that if you were reading a page or doing a math problem and something distracts you when you come back to that page or math problem you quite literally don't have a clue where you were and need to start all over again. That is why ADD people have a hard time getting anything done as they don't have a clue what they were doing before they got distracted.

I am 62 yers old and was diagnosed with ADD 5 years ago.I always knew something was wrong as I could not concentrate well.

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jinglebts,

That's exactly how my dad acts and he is the same age. He has a hard time expressing emotions or act like he even cares, but we knew deep down that he does care and mean well, he just had a lot of trouble showing it. It caused my parents to separate for a while and when this happened my dad was completely devestated, he didn't see the break-up coming because he was unable to pay attention (before he knew he had ADHD) to the way the relationship had been heading. My mom was miserable and couldn't take it anymore as he thought everything in the family was fine and that she couldn't be happier...He was very wrong, and his symptoms were classic AD/HD symptoms.

He just didn't "get the clue" or understand how inappropriate or "on cloud 9" he acts a lot of times. It not only occured at home, but also at his work. He's an engineer and luckily what he does hardly anyone can do, so he is a huge asset to them, which I'm sure this is the only reason he hasn't gotten fired or laid off after this long.

There are many more symptoms he has, but once he was diagnosed and treated his emotions were much more available. He also is much more aware on how other people feel in situations, both in the family and at work because he can 'see' what is happening around him and the way everyone else percieves it.

If your husband does have AD/HD and get treated it may change yours and his entire life.

[This message has been edited by help (edited 06-29-2003).]

Try fish oil and exercise and ask your psychiatrist about medications such as ritalin/concerta, adderall/adderall XR, dexadrine and Strattera and see what he says is best. Many ADDers 'feel' very different. I constantly have a cloudy-headed "cloud nine" feeling and chronically daydreaming as a result of that. Read the book Healing ADD by Dr. Daniel Amen, from what I remember there are many cases of older adults getting help for his condition, their symptoms and the dramatic 180 deg life turn after they began treating it.

thank you SO much for your 'help'; i've almost left my husband several times over this, and your understanding of our situation really touched me ... you're right -- they just don't have a clue and if they did, would feel so differently about us ...

(my husband is similar to your dad in that they're both in fields where it doesn't matter sometimes -- he's in computers) ...

thanks for your heartfelt reply ... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

.

I ran across a book last night at Barnes & Noble. It dealt specifically with adult ADD and relationships. I think it was called "ADDed Relationships". I read a lot of it last night. It was a good book and might help you.

i searched the chapters, barnes&noble, and powells web sites and can't find anything on relationships -- can you give me more info?

Next time I go to Barnes & Noble, I'll get the section, ISBN, author and exact title. Sorry for the teaser!

great -- and i forgive you!

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Hi: Hang in there Iam sure things will get better, Iam 57 and I was diag. with ADD 2yrs ago, believe me it makes you feel no one cares and you don't know why, you just know things aren't right, I live alone so maybe it worse for me, your husband is lucky to have you care about him and be there to reasure him.

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Malinda K. Wilson

I am pretty sure I have ADD. I am 32 and I am driving my husband crazy! Only now we have hope that it is not "just the way I am" and I can get help. I hope you can stick by your husband - I know it is hard to be the spouse of someone with ADD.

Jinglebts,
You might want to read the book Scattered by Gabor Mate - I dound it very enlightening. My Dad has ADD, too (but he doesn't know it yet - i'm working on him http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif and he and my Mom recently got a divorce. Until I read that book and understood more about ADD, I was really upset with him because he never seemed to listen to me, he seemed so selfish and distracted. And I wondered if he was getting senile because he always forgot things and lost things. But apparently, these are common ADD behaviors.

Whoops I meant to post that last one as Kimosabi http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif My husband is Hangtenvetter.

thank you ALL for your wonderful and insightful replies .. i really appreciate them ...

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

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jinglebts
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hypo, DX'd march 22
75mcg synthroid

bought the book 'scattered' by gabor mate, plus another by him, 'when the body says no ...' ... saw him interviewed once and he sounded interesting ...

so thanks!

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jinglebts
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hypo, DX'd march 22
75mcg synthroid

Neurofeedback is the only treatment that gets people off simulant medication for good.

I've been amazed at the scientific literature on neurofeedback for ADD/ADHD. Watching your brain waves and learning to control your own neural output, heals how you organize mental processes.

Totally safe. It is under-recognized but very effective in 3000 practices in the U.S. You can buy a do it yourself machine too.

Put any of these terms in a search engine: QEEG, neurofeedback, "EEG biofeedback" and anything else of interest. There is convincing proof that neurofeedback is for real.

Hi Jinglebts http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I hope you get something out of the "Scattered" book. I think the guy has some real insight. I'd love to have seen him interviewed.

I am thinking of going to a local area ADHD Chapter meeting.

BTW! I went to Barnes & Noble. I searched the whole dang psychology and self-improvement sections for that "ADDed Relationships" book and couldn't find it. I asked the attendant if she could help. She typed in one thing and said, "Sorry you'll have to give me more info."

I figure they took the ADD book and accidentally stuck it in the math section of something.

Please tell me what you think of the "Scattered" book.

And if you could, can you give me a synopsis of his other book you got.

Sorry for the delay in response.

[This message has been edited by hangtenvetter (edited 07-16-2003).]

i shall -- meanwhile, my husband is reading 'driven to distraction' by edward halloway, and sees quite a bit of himself in it ...

i'm a bit worried because he's driving down to his favourite aunt's funeral i NY state, and he always gets so weirded out when he's with them that i vowed i'd never visit them after the last time (it was just awful -- i got out of the car in the middle of a parking lot in disneyworld and couldn't find the car again ... dreadful) ...

so! we'll see what happens ...

Sounds like my trips to Walmart! Losing your car is not SUCH a big deal! (LOL)However, going with him will help him with dealing with grief and distractions while driving. Don't let people freak you out. Everybody has nutty in-laws or family memebers. Be there for him. Especially now when he is probably feeling a bit uncertain and "broken"...
Broken is a term that my husband taught me. It basically means that men are taught to be super "men" and not to deal with problems..not have problems. It makes them feel vulnerable to have any kind of illness, condition, etc. They freak out inside and feel like they are letting you down as the wife. Be gentle and encouraging. Learn to laugh at yourself, and never at him. These tough guys are sensitive!

well, he's gone w/o me and that's just fine by me -- you have no idea just how weird he gets ..

the GP just said "take more wellbutrin", which he is already on (obviously), and more just gives him the shakes (he wasw on more for depression, and reduced the dose)... so THEN the GP said that he'd just have to deal with the shakes -- that or ADD ...FAUGH!

and since I wasn't there, my husband didn't know anything about the other drugs (adderal, concerta, stratera, tricyclics, etc.), so they only talked about ritalin, which the GP said wasn't as effective as wellbutrin ... i was at home doing all the research for him as he can't/won't do that either, so DOUBLE FAUGH http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif ...

has anyone had an effective outcome with any of the other drugs? i'm at my wits' end here ... will post this as a separate topic ...

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[This message has been edited by jinglebts (edited 07-20-2003).]