I am new to this board I hope someone can help!

My oldest son, Jeremy, is 6. He just finished kindergarten and was moved up to 1st grade. Here's my dilema: Jeremy started to talk sentences before he was 1. He was always curious about everything. Constantly asking questions, some of which I'd have to say "honey, I just don't know". He has always loved to read and be read to. I never questioned if he had ADD or not until he started school. He was SO excited to be a "big boy" and go to school. The first week his teacher told me he was quite a character. And he loved school for about the first 3 months. After that it was a pain to get him out of bed (he has his own alarm and he would get up and in the shower every morning at 6:30 w/no probs. but suddenly he'd started turning it off after we put him to bed!)His teacher began telling me how he wasn't paying attention or how she had to assist in helping him finish his work (these same little comments also came home on his papers). She seemed to me to have very little patience for him,or any of the other students for that matter. I told her I thought maybe he needed a little more individual time. She didn't like that to much.
Then one day she told me she took out her book on ADD. I was shocked. Jeremy have ADD? It had never occured to me. We'd known a boy Jeremy's age who was off the hook and finally found to have ADD and ODD. "Jeremy was/is nothing like that" I kept telling myself. But I took him to be tested.

Although he is content to play for hours alone, and sit and read, or just talk (talked my poor grandfathers ear off at Christmas one yr for 3 hours!)since he was having trouble paying attention at school the doc was ready to put him on meds. But I wasn't. I began to think it was a disapline problem. I tried it all. He slowly began to do better and at the end of the year his teacher said he made great improvment and she was passing him onto 1st grade. I felt great relief.

But since he started school we've had more behavioral problems at home. He won't listen, or do what we ask until we've asked him 4-5 times. His dad gets so upset b/c he'll call him to come in the house or something and Jeremy will ignore him, until he's ready it seems. He really has a "I'll do it when I'm ready" aditude. All since school. Another problem is it has begun to rub off on his 4yr old brother! It's very frustrating and stressful. I find myself yelling a lot and I hate it!
I should add that we are a military family. My husband has never been deployed from us longer than a week in the field. We are currently stationed on Oahu. A lot of the teachers have heavy accents, and I thought that could of been one of the problems. (We also had his hearing tested, it's perfect)

We decided to put him in summer school to try and keep him focused, but I would pick him up and he'd tell me his teacher was yelling at him b/c he did something wrong. Or that he was afraid to raise his hand. To top it off he said she told him his work was sloopy. Maybe I'm wrong but what kind of teacher does that?! Another mom told me that she keeps him seperated from the rest of the class b/c he "won't" work while sitting with the others. One day she said he was outside! But yet she hasn't said anything to me. But everyday when I pick him up he's at his table. If he was such a handful why not tell me about it? And could these be signs of ADD?

I know this has gotten long. I just wanted to offer as much info as I could. I just don't know what to do at home or school. I know he has potential to do really well in school and I want him to have the best opportunites later in life. He is a great kid. Energetic but hey he's 6!

Thanks ahead of time for feed back! And for reading this!

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Mommy to: Jeremy 6,Jacob 4,Justin 8months.
"Thumper" Est. Birthday Dec.25!!!

Hello! Your DS sounds somewhat like my 5yo ds. We did the Add runaround for the last several months, many sleepless nights for me worrying because of what his preschool teacher told me she suspected ADD. I had him eveluated and after getting the same information from me 3 times in a 3 hour office visit the dr said she suspected ADD as well - not that she spent barely any of that time talking to my ds - only asking if he "EVER" did anything impulsive or "EVER" was hard to manage while shopping, etc. URGH! Luckily she wants to delay official labeling until after she gets back forms from his new teacher - which she will never get as I am never going back thru that! I recently read the book "Ritilan is Not the Answer" and I am so happy to have found it because it was so reaffirming to what I believed and because of the firmer discipline described in the book (No yelling or spanking, etc) my ds has made major leaps in just the last week!!! My ds is very bright - already reading at a reading level of one when he hasn't started Kindy yet, always has a lot of questions, always wants to talk things out, very imaginative and inventive, etc. We never went thru terrible 2s or 3s because I was always giving him choices, removing things before they were a problem, etc. He was a dream child so when the preschool teacher told me that I was FLOORED! Said he couldn't keep on task and was taking too much one on one time. I was paying good to send him to a privite preschool only to have the teacher complain about her time - URGH Again! Anyhow to me it sounds like your ds is definately not ADD and is probably gifted and is board stiff with the worksheets, etc. There is no motivation for him to do them. If I were you I would stop the yelling and simply but firmly lay down the laws and state the consequences if the laws arn't followed. I send you big hugs because I believe I understand and share your situations - if you don't want to medicate then don't let anyone talk you into it - more good links at ablechild.com on that. We have chosen not to medicate but to let our child start using his own mind more without our help and he's actually doing it - somehow when faced with remembering to do something or go to timeout or loose a favorite toy his memory has greatly improved! Please get the book as I know it explains it better than me - I just want you to know you're not alone. Moza

I just had to post more because I reread the bottem of your post on his current teacher - that does not sound good to me. I would definately confront her and ask about your ds's performance, I talk with my ds's teacher (he's in prekindy experience half days, a new program here) everyday after school for just a couple of minutes. If you do not get a good vibe from her or feel that she doesn't have adequit (spelling) abilities to deal with your ds then don't hesitate to change schools or programs. I know that my ds will have to have a different teacher in the fall but I have met both of the possibilities and both seem good and highly recommened by neighbor families but I also have the backup plan that if things get too rough I can homeschool. However from what I'm seeing from his summer school experience which is definately different than his preschool I think he will do a good job of adapting to the new school. The thing his teacher now thinks is so wierd - or strange - is how come he can read her a good book or count to 100 without missing a number but colors those preprinted identical worksheets the WORST in the class??? He can color better if it is something he really wants to work on like a birthday card for Dad, etc. but otherwise he does a few big scribbles and he is ready to do something else - it doen't interest him and he doesn't see any value in it! I think I'll just have to grin and get by that until they are no longer graded on coloring in the lines - LOL. Moza

To Moza what kind of testing did they do on your child to test for ADD? If proper testing wasn't done I would ask for another referal to a clinic that does specific testing for ADD. As to the original poster I get the impression that it is not your child that is having the problems but his teachers. I went through something similar with my son's third grade teacher. I saw first hand why he never knew what he was supposed to do for homework etc when I supervised a field trip one day. When we got back she told everyone not to forget to do the homework assignment written on the board and as she was saying those words she was erasing it. My son also NEVER had any recesses as he was always made to stay in to finish assignments etc. Finally his physical therapist point blank told her she wanted him out for recess to work on his motor skills playing on the playground. That year is the one that his special ed teacher he saw a few times a week wondered if we had considered ADD. In your case though it almost sounds like the teacher is more the problem than your son. To satisfy the teacher and your own curiousity have your son tested but be sure it is a throrough and complete testing for ADD. Once you have that done show the teacher your copy of his test results and then talk to her about your son and the things you have heard etc and see if you can't reach some sort of happy medium with her. You didn't state if you work or not but if you had time you may want to consider volunteering some times to see what goes on in the classroom or chaparone a field trip if they do those etc. That would give you good feel of how the teacher is with students the same way I found out about my son's teacher I mentioned.

I somewhat disagree about going ahead and having him tested because drs these days seem so willing to diagnose ADD so easily. There is NO TEST! They have you fill out questionaires like the connor's etc. That is why the medical community and public is at such a war with each other because there are such varied opinions and ideas on this problem and there are no solid answers. If I were you I would confront the teacher and definately wait until he gets going with the new teacher this fall before thinking there is really a problem. Otherwise make sure your discipline at home is firm and consistent. Don't get that "label" for your son until your sure you're ready because it will have to stay with him the rest of his life!! Big Hugs - Moza

Moza if all they did was ask you to fill out questinaires then they did not properly test your child for ADD/ADHD. In that case I would recommend you find a clinic that does actual testing for ADD and get your child retested. Two of the tests done for ADD/ADHD are the tova test and the SPECT scan of the brain. There are tests out there for this but if they don't do them on your child then don't accept a dignosis or non diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. That is why I always recommend that poster make SURE they take there child or the adults goes to a specific clinic or center that tests for ADD/ADHD. My children were both tested for ADD/ADHD at the schools recommendation and my son is positive for ADD while my daughter is NOT ADD but carries a dignosis of ADD tendencies which is not ADD at all. If it was up to the schools or if it was based on just a questionaire both of my kids would be diagnosed with ADD but testing showed me what I knew all along............daughter does not have ADD. I refuse to let the school label her ADD just because I don't want her to have any problems as life goes on if say her school transcripts list her as ADD when she doesn't have it. I have put up many a good fight reminding her teachers she is not ADD and that I will bring in my tests results for them any time they want to see them. Given all that I just posted I stand by my comment that yes the other poster should go ahead with ADD testing but be sure they do more than just a questionaire to test with. I hope that clarifies things a bit.

Thank you both for your replys. My son was tested, but only the worksheets. I thought there would be more to it, but when the dr said he thought he was ADD just based on the sheets I didn't want to persue it any further. I have always encouraged my children to have independance and I am one of those moms that what I say goes! My dh thinks I give them to much room but my theroy is they need to learn to think for themselves and learn that their choices have consequences. If not now, when? At 18 and faced w/the world! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
I am a stay at home mom since we were stationed here, so I was able to lots of stuff w/Jeremy's class this last year. I was room Mom organizing all the class parties (b/c the teacher told us if the parents didn't do it she wouldn't), and went on 2 of his field trips. I know I am not the only mom who thought the teacher was a problem. By the middle of the year we all figured she was burnt out and holding on for the 20yr mark.
I really worry about Jeremy. I want the best for him. Some days I am convinced he must have ADD but others it seems insane. I guess the best I can do is wait until 1st grade starts and see how he does. You were right about him being bored. That is what I have thought. The school acedmic requirements are very low here in Hawaii and in kindergarten they don't even teach them how to read. I did that at home. Plus it's a full day so they get bored.
Thanks again for your time. If I decide to have him tested further I will be back! And I will go look into that book you recommended.

Dear Moza and Babyinmybelly!!

I applaud you both for sticking to your guns and your motherly instinct and seeing there is more out there for your children than years of phycho therapy, drugs, and all the side effects that come with them. The testing they do for ADD anyone at any given time could test "positive" as they are too subjective and not medical tests at all.

Although I hate to lump teachers into a category, I think too often the problem is in their court.

God Bless,
G

hello babyinmybelly

You have spawned some interesting reading mostly in a negative sense to ADD so I thought I would share my story for you to have on the other side.

We suspected ADHD in our son at 4 & 5 prescool years but our phsycologist said he felt this was too young to jump into that and we should wait which I thought was good. We did however revisit this at the age of 8 third grade. He was recommended by the school to see a counselor for aggressive behavior on the playground. We also just did the paperwork and surveys by teacher and parents. The posting by MLGABLE was interesting and I may have to look into that more however, My son was diagnosed and the phsycologist gave me a book to read "Driven to Distraction" and I literally read a book about myself! I too have ADHD and the more I read the more I identify things throughout my life and my childhood that all fit. I am 40 now. ADHD is real I have no doubt and I started to read the posting by SAVED BY GRACE I stopped reading it as I took offense to it.

ADHD is real and it is no different than a diabetic taking insulin to be healthy. Both my son and I are now on medications and his school work improved vastly at the end of the year. His baseball coach just recently commented on how much he has improved with his attitude and attention to the game. His baseball coach does not know he has ADHD. Now that I have aknowledged this disorder and am learning more about it and living with it knowing about it I really truley believe that you would be cheating your child not to try medication if he was diagnosed ADHD. My son and I have been able to feel good about ourselves and have some control over things we did not have before.

Sorry for going so long speaking of medication mine is worn off at this hour but you do not have to keep reading. You talked of your families frustration with your son and you find yourself yeeling alot. I can relate to all of that. The thing you need to do is learn as much as you can about ADHD rather than focusing on whether your child should take medication. Many of the things we yelled at our child about are things they can not control or are not able to identify with them. In lamens term they can not help their own behavior without the assistance of the medication. My son is so much more pleasant and gehaved you would not believe it.

Finally I will close with the teacher thing. Most of them do not know enough about ADHD to deal with it appropriately and they are the ones who typically over use it to fix their classroom problem or they do not even know enough to recognize it. My sons teacher is the one who requested that he get counseling. She is positively the best teacher one could ask for for your child. After all of this transpired she shared with us that her son has ADHD. She loved our son and always had nothing but good to say about him because she understood and had firsthand knowledge of what he was going through. She was an inspiration to him and thanks to her we have identified ADHD and now he can move forward without the yelling, being made fun of, not having friends and the list goes on.

Your child is not crazy he has a medical condition that needs medication to be treated. Don't cheat him out of his chance to thrive just because of medication or denial or as most people do being embarressed. It's nothing to be embarresed about and the people who do not believe in ADHD or medicating a child for a medical disorder should have it themselves so they can see what we are experiencing before treatment.

thanks for letting me vent and at the same time share something with you that may give your child a new look and chance at life!!3

babyinmybelly

Sorry about the typos I didn't proof read it until after I sent it and it is now after midnite. I think you can get through them if you choose to read the book I wrote. LOL

It sounds to me like your son is gifted, especially since he was reading and asking questions at such an early age. He may be bored with school, if that is the case. I agree with Moza - please read the book "Ritalin Is Not The Answer" by David Stein, PhD. It is a wonderful book and will really open your eyes.

Firebug, thank you for taking your time to share w/me your opinon. And don't worry about typo's, I never proof read!
I never said that I don't believe in ADHD (? sorry) or ADD or ODD. In fact I know a small handful of people, one adult included who did have one the other or all. Or if I implied that was my belief, I'm sorry. What I don't believe is that my son has ADD. When the dr suggested medication it was because he couldn't focus "at school", not home or anywhere else, but at school. He is in karate and he loves it. He is the most attentive student in his age group and his instuctor has told us how impressed he is w/Jeremy's desire to learn karate. Another example, one day we went the beach and he found a small gecko on the sand. It was alive and he picked it up and played w/it for THREE HOURS!! He didn't touch the water. He named the gecko Fred and he wanted so badly to take Fred home, and when we left him on a tree he kissed it and said good-bye. We still talk about Fred every now and then and about what Fred must be up to. To me a child w/ADD couldn't sit for 3 hours and play gently and calmly with such a small animal and not accidently harm it. (I say that b/c one boy I did know who was ADD and ODD accidently killed any small animal he picked up b/c he was so excited and couldn't control himself)There are also many times when he just wants to be alone to play. He'll be in his room and I'll go up to check on him and he's got all his army men or dinasours out and is very into what is going on in that world.
When it comes to all things animal he has 100 million questions. How, why, but what if.....it's enough to make me want to go back to school! I can't keep up! We spend a lot of time weekly in the library where I will read for nearly an hour any book he or his brother bring me. And they aren't all childrens books, some are about Egypt or the Ocean or subjects in the science field. And we bring home nearly 10 books each time that we read numerous times.

My husband and I have realized that our biggest problem at home is a disapline one. He was always a very passive baby and toddler. When he hit 4-5 it all changed! He's become very independant, hard headed and testy. We just didn't realize it and have been using "old" tactics instead of "evolving" with him and his needs. We do yell, or we did, but we are working on it as a family. We do not have such things as video games or even cable tv. It's my view that little kids should be doing better more productive things with their brain cells than some of the video games or even cartoons on tv. I know there is some good stuff but it's easier for us to monitor it if it simply isn't there.

I guess another thing for me is that I always hear how people w/children who have ADD on meds will say what "a huge change" they see in there child, and how their child is a "completly different person". And when I think about medicating my son to "change" him, I feel sad. I wouldn't change who he is for anything. I just hope and pray that I can help mold him into a wonderful man.

I know this got long...sorry! But it is something that has been on my heart for awhile.

Thanks again for your thoughts.
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Moza and Charmed I am defenitly going to pick up the book you suggested. They didn't have it at the library so I am going to buy it next time we are at the mall.

Have you considered the possibility of vitamin deficiencies in your son? Also, you say you have a military life. Did you notice the changes in your son after you moved to Oahu? Your son might be having a reaction to a number of chemicals in his school. His school might be toxic to him. Has he been tested for lead poisoning? Dairy allergies (lactose intolerance--even if he drinks milk)?

There are many symptoms of diet deficiencies and toxicity that are similar to ADD.

I've been looking up all kinds of things online, researching ADD. I'm taking my ten yr old son to the doctor this week for preliminary visit to discuss these things. He hasn't been formally diagnosed with ADD but has symptoms for past three years or so.

Just something to think about since most medical professionals and teachers are quick to label a child "ADD".

Good luck!

Nimokana you are sooo right! My dh and I were talking the just yesterday w/friends about how all this started to happen when we moved here! Like everything started to go down hill. When we signed for our post housing they told us it has lead! I am calling the doc today to ask for lead testing and then the housing office to have our house tested. I never considered the school too but if his levels are high I think I will see what I can do about that too.

As far as food, I've known for years that anything w/red dye in it gives him a termendous sugar rush and we try to stay away from products that contain it. Also the amount of simply sugars in his diet are limited. No sugar filled cerels or candy. Cookies are a special treat and only once in awhile.

Thank you for the advice!

You're SOOO welcome! I just found this site (in my constant quest to find anything associated with ADD online).

The only reason I registered was to respond to your message! I would have gone into more detail but didn't have enough time. My son is a heavy sleeper and primary bedwetter (meaning he's always wet since infancy). Sometimes, symptoms of heavy sleepers are often misdiagnosed as ADD and his teachers the past couple years (4th-5th gr.) have brought up testing for ADD. He didn't have it according to the test results.

His doctor advised us to keep a food diary for a week and to take him off caffeine and dairy products during that time. Well, I took it a step further and restricted him (and his 8 yr old sister) from all food containing preservatives/additives/chemicals (basically everything in our freezer and pantry!) and we've noticed a remarkable behavior change in both of them. Of course, they still want those types of foods so I buy them from the all natural/organic aisle--you pay for it but the drastic mood changes and excitability/rage tantrums have stopped. I have much calmer children. We also lived in an old house several years ago that had peeling, chipped, dusty paint on the windowsills in all the rooms which could very well mean that we were exposed to lead.

I read about Linseed Oil and Flaxseed Oil and their functions in our body (and most people's diets don't supply them with the required amounts). My son's always had severely dry skin/hair and taking those is supposed to restore moisture among other things. Also, I read that a poorly functioning pancreas can produce "ADD-like" symptoms. It's main functions are processing proteins and fat. Well, lo and behold, my son has been anemic as a baby and borderline as a young child and can't keep weight on him (very odd in our family--usually it's hard to keep weight OFF).

Anyway, my point was : Don't be quick to dismiss your son's symptoms as being strictly ADD before exploring everything with a good doctor. Sounds like you're on the right track! Best of luck to your family!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Nimo

Nimo thank you again. You have been very helpful. My son also has a bed wetting "problem". But we can control it by not letting him have anything to drink after a certain time and getting him up once in the night to go to the bathroom. When he does have accidents he seems to get into the habit and we'll go a week w/wet bed. But my brother and I also had the same problem and his doctor assured me it's normal until 7.

Jeremy is very much aware of what certain foods or sugars does to him. He knows they make him hyper.We are lucky b/c he is always intrested in what's healthy. He'd rather snack on apples than chips or cookies. He also knows to stay away from red dye drinks. I haven't gone to health foods but so far I don't think we'll need to.

Thanks again, and if you have anymore info to share I'd love to hear it!

I just wanted to comment on your post that said that your child only has problems focusing at school and not at home. You said that he can focus for very long period of time and that in karate he is the most focused in his age group.....

My son is 10 and has been dx'd ADHD since age 7. He, too, in is karate and is the most attentive child there. He also can focus for very long periods of time if he is reading or playing...as long as it's exciting for him. It's a misconception that a child or adult with ADHD can NOT focus. The problem actually lies in that they can not choose what to focus on and for long. People with ADHD are inconsistent with the abilities and find it very difficult when their brain is not fully engaged in the activity that requires the attention.

My best suggestion for you is to read the book "Taking Charge of ADHD" by Russell Barkley. He is the leading authority on ADHD.

Best of luck to you and your son.
Michelle

DEAR BABYINMYBELLY:
One possible characteristic of ADHD & ADD is a high IQ. This is great for a mother to hear, but what is means is that you son could simply be BORED. If a child is not being challenged, they CREATE a challenge. Sorta for entertainment... Talk to him about what they are teaching...

CURIOUS: Which subjects does the teacher normally lose Jeremy's attention? What time of day? Right after lunch, morning or afternoon?

I've always suspected that my son was bored in school. The educational system here does not have very high expectations of there students (as far as I can see) and my son does love a challenge. He also had a teacher that was burnt out and shouldn't of been teaching kindergarteners. He loves to be the life of the party and I felt needed to learn how to behave in class. He has never had his IQ tested, and so far there has been no need for it, like to skip grades. As inquisative and curious as he is he is also immmature. But for goodness sakes he's 6!! I don't expect him to act like the little actors and actress on TV who are near perfect children. And I don't think b/c he's smart or ancy that he has Adhd or Add. I did question it but after coming here and getting great advice and reading about others, I think my son just needs time to grow and learn and he needs his parents to understand and accept him for who he is.
It's not that I don't believe in these conditions, as I said before I do and I know people who have had them, it's just that I don't believe my son has them. And I refuse to put him on medication that could harm him or his future just to give myself a break. Because as I see it that is the only reason to give him meds. And I won't be self-ish. I have 2 other children and one more on the way and a good friend of mine told me that God must think I am a great mother to be blessed w/so many children. And I took that to heart and agree! I love my son and I won't be blind to any future signs of anything but for now, he's a happy active wonderful little boy. And I'm going to let him be just that!

PS: I am not trying to come off as mean or rude, these are just my thoughts and what not. But I really do appriciate everyone's responses!

You're right, he is a little boy. Don't medicate him unless it is a last resort.
PS. I take having ADD/ADHD as a compliment. Sometimes it needs med and sometimes not. Either way... I just meant that it sounded like your son was smart and BORED with school. Not that he had ADD. Sorry for the miscommunication. It wasn't meant as a diagnosis, but a compliment and a sketch of what I have experienced... Okey dokey, Artichokey? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

You might want to have a look into NVLD (nonverbal learning disorder) and CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder), both can have simlar symptoms to ADD and NVLD is strongly connected to early speech. Also it's often connected with sensory issues such as confusion and hypersensitivity to sounds or light and can lead to problems distinguishing between spoken words and background noise (in spite of the hearing being 100%).