De Lou
10-20-2002, 02:36 AM
This may have already been asked before. I have not seen it. I am wondering why men like to look at playboy besides the all to common answer"The articles" becuase just about the same articales are in Cosmo. I know it has something to do with the fact that are no strings attatch. And men say womens bodys are to be looked at as beauty. Well here is my point. I feel hurt when I find out my husband looks at this stuff. I feel as if then I am not good enough to look at but only good enough to give him some when he wants it. He is not into porn. I have told him I am willing to dress like these(are they ladies?) people, I am will to have a boob job.(I am a 36 c 4 kids though) I am by far overweight. I keep myself up. I never look like a slob when he gets home. I fix myself up just before he walks in. I have never put any pressures on him like some wives do as to what he needs to get done around here. I treat him pretty good. And I never once turned him down for sex. So ok maybe it may not be a sex thing. I do not yell at him for looking at this stuff. I have however recently told him it hurt me deeply becuase I want to be everything he wants me to be. I even said I would be his sex slave I will do what ever it is he wants me to do to him. And he may do the same for me. I just felt so unwanted when I found out he was looking at this stuff again. Then he says at least hes not out cheating on me.Hes right there but it does not stop the hurt. I know most are saying get over it lady hes there with you not out on the streets with some Jane. But this is who I am and how I feel. If you are going to say anything mean please do not reply! Please do not be harsh with me. Right now I could not take it.(Paulb please)Just what could I do.
DD
DD
Sponsor
berto
10-20-2002, 02:41 AM
Men look @ the mags because...they are men.
Tis our way. It has nothing to do with the way you look or don't look when you man comes home from work.
A man could be married to the most beautiful, buxom woman on Earth... yet still have the urge to look @ other women and look @ mags - It is the way of man.
Enjoy your man - he is normal as can be - I promise.
[This message has been edited by berto (edited 10-20-2002).]
Tis our way. It has nothing to do with the way you look or don't look when you man comes home from work.
A man could be married to the most beautiful, buxom woman on Earth... yet still have the urge to look @ other women and look @ mags - It is the way of man.
Enjoy your man - he is normal as can be - I promise.
[This message has been edited by berto (edited 10-20-2002).]
De Lou
10-20-2002, 02:52 AM
Ok I believe he is normal. Maybe I am the one with the problem & should go see a shrink or something. Maybe it has to to with my sign being Leo and having to center of attention 100% of the time. So with that said maybe I will just go into bed now and snuggle with him knowing he is here and not out there and not on here checking out porn.
DD
DD
berto
10-20-2002, 04:01 AM
no !!! you don't need to see a shrink.
I am sure you feelings are what most women would feel.
Sorry I can't explain the urge men have to do that which they do - they just do.
Worry not young lady - enjoy that love life and make the most out of each & every encounter.
I am sure you feelings are what most women would feel.
Sorry I can't explain the urge men have to do that which they do - they just do.
Worry not young lady - enjoy that love life and make the most out of each & every encounter.
dsheldon3
10-20-2002, 06:23 PM
When the both of you are out together make SURE you stare at every guy you see that you find attractive .And if he says anything just say ,"Well, I'm only looking ,like you do with your playboy magazines.At least the guys I look at have their clothes on." Keep doing this until it drives him crazy and he stops looking at the magazines. :D
MelNor
10-20-2002, 09:30 PM
LOL!!! Good One!!!
You rock dsheldon3!! :)
You rock dsheldon3!! :)
berto
10-20-2002, 09:56 PM
that will just tick him off
Pheonix1
10-21-2002, 12:46 AM
Well I have to dissagree with a couple of the replies. It's not 'just what men do'. There are a lot of men who don't care for Playboy or other forms of porn. You just don't hear from them as often because it seems like the guys who use the excuse that when they look at Playboy or other porn that it's just a man's thing are always trying to defend what they are doing. I think that your man should care more about your feelings than some magazine. If the magazine bothers you then he shouldn't have a problem with stopping. And also the comment he made about 'At least I'm not out with other women', so is he saying if he doesn't get to look at the Playboy he will probably cheat on you? I don't believe that men 'HAVE' to look at Playboy and porn. They choose to. I say choose because we have control over our actions. So it's not like breathing and they can't go without it. I just think that you should be more important to him than porn, and that he should be willing to give it up if it bothers and/or hurts you. I love the idea about looking at other guys constantly when you are out together. See a lot of guys think it's okay for them to do stuff that they would get mad at their wife/girlfriend for doing. I know exactly how you feel about wanting to be your man's everything. It's hard when they look at that stuff and then the expect you to believe they could find you attractive. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel and there is nothing wrong with your feelings. Anyway that is my take on the Playboy/porn thing.
magee
10-21-2002, 01:55 AM
I think a man will look if it's there in his face. If he CHOOSES to put it in his face is I think what is bothering De Lou. How does HE look? How would he measure up to a male model?
Dramaqueen
10-21-2002, 02:56 AM
This guy needs to have complete respect for you. You sound like the perfect wife and obviously he doesnt appreciate that enough. Really sit him down and tell him how you feel again. Guys usually look at playboys and stuff but for him to make a comment such as: "at least im not out cheating on you"-thats just not on. Tell him to get some respect!
Kiltee
10-21-2002, 06:55 AM
Firstly, forget about all this nonsense about starsigns and respect and whatnot. It's got nothing to do with whether or not he loves and respects you, or what signs you are.
What you're dealing with here is a a concept which has its roots in the deepest niches of our evolutionary and biological structuring. This is a genetic compulsion which goes back millions of years, and is unlikely to ever die out. It's a simple fact of nature that the reproductive urge, albeit to differing degrees, lies within all of us, and within different sexes of different species it manifests itself differently. In the human race, the general tendency is for women to be more predisposed to a sense of monogamy, and for men to feel the need to spread it around, if you'll pardon the extremely crude turn of phrase. As Phoenix points out, this is more the case for some than for others, but the simple fact is that your husband cannot control these feelings - millions of years of evolution prevent him from doing so.
However, the fact that you appear to be happily married (notwithstanding this problem) would suggest that he has no problem controlling these subconscious compulsions - his love for you obviously overrides that. And I don't think you should dismiss that lightly; there are many guys out there who wouldn't think twice about acting upon these urges and cheating on their respective others. I don't think his comments are as outrageous as others on this board are suggesting: you've obviously backed him into a corner over this, and he doesn't know how to react, or understand why this bothers you so much. And that's not his fault - it's just the way he is, and no amount of resoning or explaining can remove these urges from his genes. And it angers me hugely when people speak haughtily and patronisingly about somebody 'controlling' himself - do you really think that life is that black and white? We simply CANNOT control our id - it's what makes us what we are, more than anything else in this world.
I know it might not be a popular theory, but this is just the way it is. You need to ask yourself if you really want to risk your relationship over this. It's not that you aren't good enough for him or that he doesn't love you enough, but simply that he has a sex drive which makes him feel the need to masturbate when thinking of people other than you.
Don't risk your relationship over this. It's impossible for men and women to understand or judge each other's baser instincts as they often defy description and externalisation. It sounds like he loves you, and it certainly seems as if you love him. Accept the fact that he NEEDS to use pornography. Not everybody does, but this is something that makes him what he is.
To ask him to give up on porn, or looking at other women in general is to ask him to change something over which he effectively has no control. And how far are you prepared to take this? You can take his porn away, but I can guarantee that he's not going to stop masturbating. And he certainly won't be thinking about you every time he's doing it. Women may not like this concept, but it's just the way guys are.
What you're dealing with here is a a concept which has its roots in the deepest niches of our evolutionary and biological structuring. This is a genetic compulsion which goes back millions of years, and is unlikely to ever die out. It's a simple fact of nature that the reproductive urge, albeit to differing degrees, lies within all of us, and within different sexes of different species it manifests itself differently. In the human race, the general tendency is for women to be more predisposed to a sense of monogamy, and for men to feel the need to spread it around, if you'll pardon the extremely crude turn of phrase. As Phoenix points out, this is more the case for some than for others, but the simple fact is that your husband cannot control these feelings - millions of years of evolution prevent him from doing so.
However, the fact that you appear to be happily married (notwithstanding this problem) would suggest that he has no problem controlling these subconscious compulsions - his love for you obviously overrides that. And I don't think you should dismiss that lightly; there are many guys out there who wouldn't think twice about acting upon these urges and cheating on their respective others. I don't think his comments are as outrageous as others on this board are suggesting: you've obviously backed him into a corner over this, and he doesn't know how to react, or understand why this bothers you so much. And that's not his fault - it's just the way he is, and no amount of resoning or explaining can remove these urges from his genes. And it angers me hugely when people speak haughtily and patronisingly about somebody 'controlling' himself - do you really think that life is that black and white? We simply CANNOT control our id - it's what makes us what we are, more than anything else in this world.
I know it might not be a popular theory, but this is just the way it is. You need to ask yourself if you really want to risk your relationship over this. It's not that you aren't good enough for him or that he doesn't love you enough, but simply that he has a sex drive which makes him feel the need to masturbate when thinking of people other than you.
Don't risk your relationship over this. It's impossible for men and women to understand or judge each other's baser instincts as they often defy description and externalisation. It sounds like he loves you, and it certainly seems as if you love him. Accept the fact that he NEEDS to use pornography. Not everybody does, but this is something that makes him what he is.
To ask him to give up on porn, or looking at other women in general is to ask him to change something over which he effectively has no control. And how far are you prepared to take this? You can take his porn away, but I can guarantee that he's not going to stop masturbating. And he certainly won't be thinking about you every time he's doing it. Women may not like this concept, but it's just the way guys are.
rif
10-21-2002, 09:19 AM
Hmmmmm..... I suppose you could turn that whole lecture around, and say that women are genetically predisposed to be a certain way, and HE has to understand HER, and HE shouldn't let HER disposition stand in the way of happiness.
A zillion years ago, when people lived in caves, things were different. Plenty of men desire monogamy. I'll bet De Lou's husband would be "genetically compelled" to respond like a female if he thought the only way De Lou could get off sexually was to imagine herself with physically perfect men.
A zillion years ago, when people lived in caves, things were different. Plenty of men desire monogamy. I'll bet De Lou's husband would be "genetically compelled" to respond like a female if he thought the only way De Lou could get off sexually was to imagine herself with physically perfect men.
Kiltee
10-21-2002, 10:20 AM
Sorry, it wasn't intended to be a lecture...
I agree with you on one count: that many men WANT monogamy... At least consciously they do. But we can't deny the way that we're biologically programmed. I would never cheat on a partner, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about other women or use pornography. It's about striking a happy medium between conscious and considered thought, and your baser reproductive desires.
However, I do disagree with your other point (about him catering to her disposition). Her husband is doing nothing out of the ordinary and certainly nothing which should cause hurt or offence to others. It's up to her to learn that pornography is used routinely by a huge proportion of men across the globe, and it doesn't mean that any of them love or care about their wives/girlfriends/lovers any less. It's simply a way of satisfying those deeper urges.
Certainly if this is wrecking her life, then he should consider cutting out the porn. But that doesn't solve the problem, only removes one of the symptoms. The bigger problem here seems to be that she is finding it difficult to realise that her husband can love her, but still feel a predisposition towards admiring other women. This won't stop if he gives up pornography. As I said earlier, there is no way that he'll always be thinking of her when he masturbates, and he can't stop looking at other women unless he gets his eyes sewn shut. It will result in him resenting her for making him give up a perfectly harmless and very pleasurable pastime, which can only result in a greater strain (both sexually and emotionally) on their relationship.
I agree with you on one count: that many men WANT monogamy... At least consciously they do. But we can't deny the way that we're biologically programmed. I would never cheat on a partner, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about other women or use pornography. It's about striking a happy medium between conscious and considered thought, and your baser reproductive desires.
However, I do disagree with your other point (about him catering to her disposition). Her husband is doing nothing out of the ordinary and certainly nothing which should cause hurt or offence to others. It's up to her to learn that pornography is used routinely by a huge proportion of men across the globe, and it doesn't mean that any of them love or care about their wives/girlfriends/lovers any less. It's simply a way of satisfying those deeper urges.
Certainly if this is wrecking her life, then he should consider cutting out the porn. But that doesn't solve the problem, only removes one of the symptoms. The bigger problem here seems to be that she is finding it difficult to realise that her husband can love her, but still feel a predisposition towards admiring other women. This won't stop if he gives up pornography. As I said earlier, there is no way that he'll always be thinking of her when he masturbates, and he can't stop looking at other women unless he gets his eyes sewn shut. It will result in him resenting her for making him give up a perfectly harmless and very pleasurable pastime, which can only result in a greater strain (both sexually and emotionally) on their relationship.
Pheonix1
10-21-2002, 01:46 PM
Kiltie,
First, are you a doctor or something? Have you studdied this stuff? I'm just curious. Secondly, do you mean to tell me that men can't help but to buy Playboy(I think of Playboy as porn, but I realize others don't) and look at porn? Seriously do you think they have no control over their own minds? I believe that probably the only two things in this world that we have control over is our thoughts and our actions. What I mean is a thought might pop into our mind, but we choose where to take that thought. I don't believe that men are just biologically made to look at porn. They didn't have porn in the cave man days, did they? I do think both men and women will always find attraction towards members of the opposite sex, or of the same sex, depending on your sexual orientation. But see it's where we go with these attractions and thoughts that is entirely up to us. I can see a guy on tv and in my mind think, 'He is gorgeous', but then I stop thinking about it, because I know to go on and on thinking about this is futile. I am married and should focus more on my mate. If porn does not affect one's relationship than fine, but I think a person should be able to take it or leave it if someone in the relationship doesn't like it. And I also think that if those that use porn on a regular basis would stop for a while, might find that they don't think about it quite as much as they did when they were activly seeking it out. These are my opinions and I'm not downing anyone elses opinions. I just think humans use the biologically predispositioned excuse way too much. We may have an urge but we don't have to act on it. Man I love a good debate.
First, are you a doctor or something? Have you studdied this stuff? I'm just curious. Secondly, do you mean to tell me that men can't help but to buy Playboy(I think of Playboy as porn, but I realize others don't) and look at porn? Seriously do you think they have no control over their own minds? I believe that probably the only two things in this world that we have control over is our thoughts and our actions. What I mean is a thought might pop into our mind, but we choose where to take that thought. I don't believe that men are just biologically made to look at porn. They didn't have porn in the cave man days, did they? I do think both men and women will always find attraction towards members of the opposite sex, or of the same sex, depending on your sexual orientation. But see it's where we go with these attractions and thoughts that is entirely up to us. I can see a guy on tv and in my mind think, 'He is gorgeous', but then I stop thinking about it, because I know to go on and on thinking about this is futile. I am married and should focus more on my mate. If porn does not affect one's relationship than fine, but I think a person should be able to take it or leave it if someone in the relationship doesn't like it. And I also think that if those that use porn on a regular basis would stop for a while, might find that they don't think about it quite as much as they did when they were activly seeking it out. These are my opinions and I'm not downing anyone elses opinions. I just think humans use the biologically predispositioned excuse way too much. We may have an urge but we don't have to act on it. Man I love a good debate.
De Lou
10-21-2002, 02:48 PM
Ok I did not mean to make this as a big debate. My husband looks at the site online. I Had to go into history that night because I had to find the site my son was just at. So I of course found that my husband was looking at it again. This is the 3rd time I saw that. 1st time he was looking for a logo to make this wood thing which he does make wood art (as he has an online site) for a friend who is signle and reads playboy and goes to a club that has alot of Penthouse models there. So ok that time I gave him the benifit of the doubt in away because he did look apictures and stuff of course. The 2nd time I totally blew up at him never saying how I felt. Just that how inconsiderate thatwas off him and if thats what he wants good luck finding a women like that that would take care of him and his 4 kids. This time however I had told him how it hurt me because I feel after 4 kids I am not happy with the way I look. Which is my problem as I have told someone in another post sexy is how you feel. However that is knocked out of me right now. I am not over weight but after 4 kids I am not so atractive in the top area. And I do have a little fat on my Stomach I can not lose because I need that there to be able to give myself injections as I have MS. In no way does the MS affect our sex life. I never complain about it becuase when we were 1st married I had all these aches and pains in my body before we knew what it was and he told me then what a turn off that was. So for 11 yrs I have kept my mouth shut and for the most part feel great. Anyways. I do not feel as if playboy is porn. I look at more like it is just some fake looking girls that men just like to look at. Knowing they will never have them. To me porn is something more trashy where they show more sex acts. When I was a kid my dad had Playboys around the house. Some articles are good. But I know it made my mom feel the same way I do. So here I am wanting to go out and get a boob job or take some pills to enhance what I have. I do buy stuff from Victoria Secrets of course I am by no means model material in them. And I ws getting the catalog a few years ago but stopped becuase I would find them hidden too by him. I know I am taking something away from him. I know alot of men look at this. I would say it is no diffrent then looking at Sports Ill. swimsuit edition. But it still hurts. And then you wonder what goes thru his mind as you are making love you know. Does he see me or Ms. Oct. I did read an article where they say men think of thier wives when the have sex with them or more of pleaseing thier wives they did a poll. And that what most men think of. Its whenthe masturbate they may think of someone else. Which I do not even want to know about. And I do not want to know what ment hink of besides thier wife while haveing sex. I thank everyone for thier input!!! Like I said I did not mean to make this a big debate. As far as me looking at other men. I do sometimes. But I never think of "I winder what that man may be like in bed or with out thier clothes on" I look at butts. But never when he is a round. Oh yea faces too. But My husband is the norm. he looks at womens chests just as the other men do becuase I watch men when I see a women walk by that is big up there and every other man is looking in the same place. I am happy being married to my husband. Is he good looking. Yes I see alot of women check him out. He may not be very tall and maybe what he says is overweight(I don't think so). I just love who he is and his body. I could just think about him and being with himin bed and it sends tingels thru my body. I maybe should of called all of you on the phone and told you all of this in one phone call. LOL. So now I am back to cheking this out everyday if he has looked at this stuff so far no. But if this is the worst he is going to do... Oh yea what really got me to is on his way home from work I bet there are at least 7 places he could stop for free peep shows or check out that kind of stuff. From the Adult stores and that just makes me wonder too. But once again I will give him the benifit of the doubt and hope he keeps it right here to Playboy. I really do not think the actual porn interests him. Take Care and I am looking to hear from you all again!!!!!
DE sorry I made it so long again! But you all are great!!!
DE sorry I made it so long again! But you all are great!!!
UH-60
10-21-2002, 08:21 PM
De Lou,
You sound like such a nice wife. I think you should talk to him again. Tell him that you still feel very hurt about this and ask him if he will stop. Get him to commit to you that he will stop because it is upsetting you. This can turn into an addiction for him and will only escalate into more serious things until he eventually is tempted to carry out his fantasy with someone else.
You sound like such a nice wife. I think you should talk to him again. Tell him that you still feel very hurt about this and ask him if he will stop. Get him to commit to you that he will stop because it is upsetting you. This can turn into an addiction for him and will only escalate into more serious things until he eventually is tempted to carry out his fantasy with someone else.
Kiltee
10-22-2002, 12:42 PM
Phoenix;
I've studied pharmacology and psychology, but I am not a general medical practitioner. The evolution of the human species (and more specifically the reflective evolution of males and females) is also a huge interest of mine, and, although I would never claim to be an expert, I would say that I have read extensively on the subject.
Once again, I agree with you to a certain extent. If I'm looking at porn or going to buy a magazine, I'm not being compelled to carry out that specific act by my evolutionary preconditioning. It's merely a manifestation of my deeper compulsions over which I (and for that matter you as well) have no control. Whereas in some people these urges have receded more than in others (obviously this ties in with each person's sex drive as well, but that's an entirely different matter) there are people for whom the idea of 'scoping' is as basic and compelling an urge as the desire to settle down with a single partner. I don't want to become overly personal, but I would hazard a guess that if you are involved in a relationship, you think about different people when you masturbate. This stems from the same urge: by sowing your seeds far and wide (as the case was millions of years ago, and as the darker parts of our mind still believe) you increase your chances of increasing the proliferation of your genes in the collective pool. Looking at pictures of other people, or thinking about others when masturbating, are two examples of the same compulsion. Obviously one is of a more external nature, but they both boil down to the same thing: satisfying your subconscious desire to do as much as is possible to increase the chances of your genes being passed on.
You're not the only one who loves a good debate! Hope to hear from you soon... :)
I've studied pharmacology and psychology, but I am not a general medical practitioner. The evolution of the human species (and more specifically the reflective evolution of males and females) is also a huge interest of mine, and, although I would never claim to be an expert, I would say that I have read extensively on the subject.
Once again, I agree with you to a certain extent. If I'm looking at porn or going to buy a magazine, I'm not being compelled to carry out that specific act by my evolutionary preconditioning. It's merely a manifestation of my deeper compulsions over which I (and for that matter you as well) have no control. Whereas in some people these urges have receded more than in others (obviously this ties in with each person's sex drive as well, but that's an entirely different matter) there are people for whom the idea of 'scoping' is as basic and compelling an urge as the desire to settle down with a single partner. I don't want to become overly personal, but I would hazard a guess that if you are involved in a relationship, you think about different people when you masturbate. This stems from the same urge: by sowing your seeds far and wide (as the case was millions of years ago, and as the darker parts of our mind still believe) you increase your chances of increasing the proliferation of your genes in the collective pool. Looking at pictures of other people, or thinking about others when masturbating, are two examples of the same compulsion. Obviously one is of a more external nature, but they both boil down to the same thing: satisfying your subconscious desire to do as much as is possible to increase the chances of your genes being passed on.
You're not the only one who loves a good debate! Hope to hear from you soon... :)
poeticheretic
10-23-2002, 05:09 AM
My view on this is such:
Whether its some compulsion or not (and we all have sexual compulsions, in varying degrees) this man chose to commit himself to his wife through the act of marriage; they decided to share the rest of their lives together. The human race has evolved physically and mentally through the eons, and part of that evolutionary process has been going from hunter/gatherers and cave dwellers, where men would 'spread it around', as it were, to the monogomous relationships we have now. In those relationships, our evolved minds have had to realize that if you want it to work, you have to give and take. This guys higher levels of thinking should dictate to him that if so-and-so is causing my partner pain, I'll stop doing so-and-so, even if it causes me a mild discomfort. The need or drive or whatever you call it that 'makes' him 'need' porn should be overridden by the love and dedication he has for his wife. Anyway, its not like she's asking for a blood offering of their firstborn. He should be able to walk away from porn, especially if he knows how hurt and inadequate it can make her feel. If he can't, he is addicted; our genetic wiring compels us to do things that are necessary for survival --not things that are necessary to feed an addiction.
Whether its some compulsion or not (and we all have sexual compulsions, in varying degrees) this man chose to commit himself to his wife through the act of marriage; they decided to share the rest of their lives together. The human race has evolved physically and mentally through the eons, and part of that evolutionary process has been going from hunter/gatherers and cave dwellers, where men would 'spread it around', as it were, to the monogomous relationships we have now. In those relationships, our evolved minds have had to realize that if you want it to work, you have to give and take. This guys higher levels of thinking should dictate to him that if so-and-so is causing my partner pain, I'll stop doing so-and-so, even if it causes me a mild discomfort. The need or drive or whatever you call it that 'makes' him 'need' porn should be overridden by the love and dedication he has for his wife. Anyway, its not like she's asking for a blood offering of their firstborn. He should be able to walk away from porn, especially if he knows how hurt and inadequate it can make her feel. If he can't, he is addicted; our genetic wiring compels us to do things that are necessary for survival --not things that are necessary to feed an addiction.
mothmin
10-23-2002, 10:10 PM
"monogomos relationships we now have?" You have to be kidding, there are more divorses now than "anytime" in history. it's so rediulous, these phsyudo feminists on these t.v shows and magazines that think they can change human biology with words. Your husband looking has nothing to do with you, he loves you and married you. but men like to look a women...period! and by the way, next time you're in a book store looking at so called "women's romance novels" you'll see the number one subject is adultry, wish I had a dime for every book with "forbiddin" in the title. while men may want to look at women, it's still a total package relationship that everyone eventually wants, don't confuse that with.......lust!
De Lou
10-24-2002, 01:54 AM
First of I do not feel a reading a book is the same as looking at some pictures of naked women. Yes alot of books may say that (forbidden) but thats just it, its a Romance novel. Which by the way some women do not even need to read if they were top priority on their husbands mind and not some magazine or internet site. You can not tell me that there is not a man out there that would not be upset if happened to find out his wife were reading the "articles" in some magazine that had pictures of naked men. From a mans point of view in all honesty how would you feel? I was saying I was hurt. I feel like I need to save up my hard earned pennies to have a boob job just so I could look like Ms. October. I am by no means dog looking. Not to brag but I do get alot of compliments on my looks. But the one person I want to impress is the one I married. I want to be the only one he finds Sexy. I want to be the only one he sees with nothing on or just some G-String panties. And right about now reading a good Joan Collins Book or a Nancy Friday book might just be the answer and leave it in the bathroom where he can see it and read it. So yes "men have eyes that wander" we heard that how many times ladies? Ok now what if we started letting our eyes wander and let them linger on a spot or 2 the coments from you men would be.....
DE
DE
Kiltee
10-24-2002, 05:32 AM
Fair enough...
My girlfriend often talks to me about other guys she finds attractive and I'm sensible enough to understand that such behaviour is part of human nature. I don't mind at all that she does this, because I know she loves me and wouldn't act upon these impulses. Everybody needs fantasies, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest that she might get inspiration for these from magazines, tv programmes, pornos or the guy at the bus stop.
Let's not forget also that in the US, over 1 in 3 marriages now ends in divorce. It's also interesting to note that the majority of these divorces are as a result of the WIFE (not the husband) having an extra-marital affair.
My girlfriend often talks to me about other guys she finds attractive and I'm sensible enough to understand that such behaviour is part of human nature. I don't mind at all that she does this, because I know she loves me and wouldn't act upon these impulses. Everybody needs fantasies, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest that she might get inspiration for these from magazines, tv programmes, pornos or the guy at the bus stop.
Let's not forget also that in the US, over 1 in 3 marriages now ends in divorce. It's also interesting to note that the majority of these divorces are as a result of the WIFE (not the husband) having an extra-marital affair.
nadine
10-24-2002, 06:10 AM
How often is he looking at the playboy magazines. Is it once a day, once a week, or anytime he has free?? I think if it is too frequent, then he has some sort of problem because I just can't see that being normal. Have you asked him if there is anything about you physically that bothers him.. ask him to only be completely honest. If he says things that can be worked on, such as boob job, or losing weight, or your hairstyle, then if you are not against the idea, it might be worthwhile to change. YOu have been married for quite some time, has he always looked at porn, or is it a recent thing? If it is a recent thing, then I think it might be that he is going thru some sort of mid life crisis and he feels that looking at these young women makes him feel "younger" without actually having to go out and cheat. Sometimes when behaviors arise out of the blue, its not really the behavior that is the problem, but a deeper problem that needs to be addressed. You need to find out what that is, so that it can be worked on. But, if he has always been like this, well then he might just be an addict. Good luck, you seem to me to be a very nice wife.
Angie E
10-24-2002, 11:34 AM
My husband and I had been dating for about 8 months, when he decided it was a good time to start looking at other women as they walked into a restaurant, or anywhere we happened to be. He was trying to make me jealous. It worked at first. I've been told I'm "gorgeous" and all that crap, so I decided that I would just start noticing all the men who were noticing me. That's all I did. If they looked at me when I walked into a restaurant, I acknowledged it. All I had to do was look back and the guy would smile at me. My husband and I dated for about 3 years before he proposed, but after about two weeks of that, he never "obviously" looked at a woman while I was with him. He started watching the guys watching me and was too busy...One thing I have discovered about men is that sometimes, they don't understand how it makes you feel until they get a taste of it. Of course, I shouldn't say men, because there are many women out there who are the same way. Men don't understand that women take things personally. If you look at magazines, that means you are looking for something better. That doesn't mean you are, but that is how it makes us feel. If a man turns you down for sex, it doesn't feel that they are turning down sex, it feels like they are rejecting us. Many men don't seem to have the emotional attachment to sex. I've discovered that they look at other women, just like women, well, look at shoes. Doesn't mean they want them, they are just looking at them. Just my opinion...
Kiltee
10-24-2002, 12:17 PM
I understand completely... Although (like you say) there are men and women alike who act completely against what might be considered to be typical behaviour for their sex.
One thing I do find hard to comprehend though... When you were out with your husband, did you honestly never even look at other guys until he started to blatantly scope other women? I know that guys have a reputation for looking even when they're spoken for, but I find it tough to believe that women don't do the same... albeit to a lesser extent. Do you honestly not even notice other men when you're with your man?
One thing I do find hard to comprehend though... When you were out with your husband, did you honestly never even look at other guys until he started to blatantly scope other women? I know that guys have a reputation for looking even when they're spoken for, but I find it tough to believe that women don't do the same... albeit to a lesser extent. Do you honestly not even notice other men when you're with your man?
De Lou
10-24-2002, 03:47 PM
Ok my husband I have caught looking at Playboy on the internet 2 times in the last 6 months. Before we were married he lived with guys and that was there main reading material in the bathroom. He may look it at work becuase he does work with men. I do not know. As Angie said women are more sensitive to things. Thats how we are. As far as my apearance like I said I have had 4 children. I am 5'7" weigh 132 and would love to have a boob job. I keep up my looks because that is what makes me happy. And I always feel a women should look her best. I do not like to look like a slob when my husband gets home from work unless I am very ill and then try and at least do a little to make myself look better. As far as divorces go if the case is the women causes the divorce more because of affairs to me that says that maybe they feel they are being ignored and have found someon that makes them feel loved and atractive. Or just what us women need. Now I know men need things too. Such as being told they are handsome or the basic things us women always kid about sex & a good cook. I tell my husband all the time I love the way he looks. He feel he is overweight and ok maybe he is But I love the way he looks. He has maybe put on about 30 lbs since we were married and he used to work out but thats all changed. But I still love his body. And yes ok maybe I glance here and there at a man but I do not let that carry me into wanting to see that person with thier clothes off or wanting to jump in the sack with them. I am happy here. That is what my husband says too. But there is just that part of me that is the same as alot of other women are that wants to be the only one thier husband looks at. Maybe it is a mid life thing. When we worked together many years ago girls just drooled over him. Now I do not know if that still happens but that could be all this is. I don't know. I do know some people said they love a good debate and this is it. Now if I could only find the money for a boob job. Take care and I love hearing from everyone. Everyone has a great opinion and it helps to hear all of them. Take Care!!! DE
mothmin
10-24-2002, 09:22 PM
de, you didn't get the jist of my post. I said your husband married YOU, because he loves you. breast implants would not make a difference, it's not a competition. guys look at girls like art, it's eye candy. men's fantasies are generally fleeting, it's not like, "oh, I want to marry that girl over there and run away with her." it's just, "wow, look at those legs." I'm sure he wouldn't trade you for anything. you shouldn't worry about it at all. In fact, men are just as puzzled about how women can be attracted to men who are not good looking at all, and are constantly worried that they'll fall for someone else, but don't know "who" to watch out for!
sslilly
10-26-2002, 10:24 PM
You all are making waaaaaaay too big a deal about some ink and paper. I wish all my husband did was pick-up a Playboy every now and then instead of spending all day and night on the internet at home with live sex web cams and instant messaging women who want to send naked pictures and have online sex and all the internet porn available. Internet porn... that's another whole ball o' wax. It is undoubtedly the most addictive habit next to heroine, it's just like a drug and will ruin a marriage or other serious committed love relationship. I hate that something so heinous has come out of something so useful as the internet. The internet porn has basically ruined my marriage as my husband would rather have solo sex while watching porn movies online and chatting with girls live while they masturbate for him, etc. than have real live sex with me his wife. for 2 1/2 years now we've been to sex therapists, counselors, shrinks, priests, friends, and family and nothing is helping. He is truly and completely addicted. He has decided he is willing to throw away his marriage for this and I am just sending out a warning to every woman out there that is going through this. I am sorry for you, but you probably won't win...
Hadom79
10-27-2002, 05:10 PM
COMMUNICATION, it seems to be a one way street in your relationship. It is a Grim Reaper of sorts for many marriages. He has got to communicate more with you. It is troublesome to hear that he is essentially blowing you off. If he really cares he will be more expressive, which up until this point he is not. Marriage counceling may do the trick. They are not just there to save you from a divorce, but to make relationships more defined as well. Tell him, you want the two of you to enjoy each other and your relationship more, because you love him, see what he says to the idea
Elret
10-27-2002, 07:26 PM
I like looking at porn and going to the stripper with my guy. It's just something we both find sexy and really enjoy, and while I am not in any way criticising anyone, I do find it difficult to understand why so many women are offended by this, I am sorry if this bothers people. If he goes to the strippers with the guys or looks at a movie or magazine when I am not around, I don't feel threatened at all. However, respect is such an important part of a relationship, that if you feel hurt he should take that into consideration and that is what would bother me more than the actual act of looking at the pictures.
Cheryl3
10-27-2002, 08:10 PM
I understand the biological predisposition thing, but let's face it, there are a lot of things that we are biologically predisposed to which simply are not healthy. For example, when was the last time you fought to the death over a woman? Animals do it all the time. They've also been known to eat their young. But we don't advocate or excuse that type of behavior. Biological predisposition is just another excuse to do what you feel like doing anyway.
I don't think an occasional peek at a Playboy is that big of a deal. I just wish my husband could understand that I am biologically predisposed to go get a pedicure on my day off rather than scrub the toilets.
I don't think an occasional peek at a Playboy is that big of a deal. I just wish my husband could understand that I am biologically predisposed to go get a pedicure on my day off rather than scrub the toilets.