We have discovered that with the right accommodations at school our 8 yr old can get A's and B's. These acommodations include sitting in a study carol to take tests and having his tests given verbally. The teacher seems reluctant to do this and says he's doing fine without the accommodations (B's and C's). I am thinking we need to give him every opportunity to do his absolute best - he has shown that he can!! Am I being overbearing by pushing the issue with his teacher??

We have stressed that the most important thing is that he do the best he can, not the grades he gets. But when push comes to shove, getting on the honor roll sure is nice and it makes him feel great.

Any thoughts are welcomed.

To be honest when I first read the title of your post "should we settle for B's and C's" I was thinking hell yes, not every child does good in school ADD or not. Some parents push their children too hard in school. Then I read the whole post and thought about it. The thing is, B's and C's arent bad. Many NORMAL kids get C's thats why its "average" If your son only does not have very severe adhd or learning disabilities along with it then does he really need accomodations?? It sounds like he is in the normal range of how well hes doing at school. My little brother gets NO accomodations and neither did I. I did great and my brother is doing good also. There are probably 10 other kids in your sons classroom who if given the accomodations you want for your son could also get A's and B's but are now getting B's and C's. So why should your son be allowed to have those accomodations but not his classmates?? If his ADHD was severe enough to need those accomodations I doubt his teacher would deny him of them and I doubt he would be getting B's and C's. He needs to learn how to take a test in a regular class setting. When he's older and has to take a test nobody is going to read it to him. But then theres the fact that he's just a little guy...8 years old, and getting good grades makes him happy. Well thats important definantly. I think you first need to sit down and have a talk with your son. Ask him if he would like to have those accomodations. If he says yes make a compramise with the teacher. Have your son first take the test the regular way, then if he scores badly ask that he have a chance to re-test orally. This will give him the chance to learn and thrive without accomodations while being there with accomodations if and only if he needs them. Obviously your son is intelligent and doesnt need these accomodations made all the time. Many children with ADD/ADHD get no accomodations at all unless they are very severe and many normal children earn B's and C's in school. Please think about what I said and remember compramise is the key. (P.S. Dont put any pressure on your son about his grades)

Don't worry about being overbearing with the teacher. You are doing what a good parent does - looking after the best interests of your child. I think it is very important to give your child the best opportunity to succeed. Tests are - after all - supposed to measure what a child knows. If you child has ADD and needs these accomodations to demonstate what he has learned, then he certainly should have them. There is a big difference between A's & B's and B's & C's. Having him take tests under circumstances that allow him to show his knowledge and abilities is far better for his self-esteem, then having him drag along under the theory that life should simply be toughed out.

A child that is allowed to excell will have a different self-image than one who is constantly frustrated because he is trying extra hard with minimal resuls - and yet at the same time is probably aware that other kids aren't trying as hard and yet somehow as if by magic, they do better on their tests.

When he is an adult, he will learn to advocate for himself but right now he needs you to do it for him. You are in a good position to show him this advocacy. Get him the accomodations he needs to show what he is capable of. He will test better, learn better, have better self-esteem and when he gets older and thinks about choosing a career - he will feel more competent to do something challenging. He will be able to get accomodations is high school and in college. If he is like most people with ADD, the learning will be the most challenging part and once he has the job skills, he will perform well.

You are concerned with being overbearing with the teacher. Your child is entitled to these accomodations. To politely insist on what is best for your child is not overbearing. You wouldn't say:...."I am not going to give my child glasses because his vision is only a little bit bad and there are probably many other children with undiagnosed bad vision so therefor I am going to let him squint at the blackboard like the undiagnosed bad-vision children and if his grades are worse because of it, he is just going to have to learn to deal with it because squinting and performing poorly builds character and teaches you about the 'real' world."




[This message has been edited by rainonwindow (edited 09-13-2003).]

My son is now in 7th grade, when he was in fourth grade he had a teacher that I battled from the 3rd week of school. NEVER again will I let a teacher not give my son all the opportunities he deserves. Do not settle for C's if he is capable of higher with accomadations.

He has the right to receive accomadations!!

I have very mixed feelings about accommodations. My son is entitled to twenty-some hours of special ed services per week (he just started 6th grade). He has a 120+ IQ, but has ADHD and a receptive language disability. He is in all grade level inclusion classes and is entitled to various accommodations. However, I do wonder if he'll ever learn effective-enough coping strategies as long as modifications are made for him. Once he's out of school, no one will care that he's ADHD, unorganized, can't follow multi-step oral directions, and has a rotten short term memory. He needs to learn and practice ways to cope with these issues and find ways to be successful in these situations. If he's not held accountable for the consequences resulting from poor patterns in these areas, I wonder how he'll become a successful adult.

I am an ADD adult. When I was in elementary school (in the 60's), ADD was unheard of. Boys who were fidgety or didn't do well were considered "hyperactive" while girls were usually referred to as "daydreamers". I was an A/B student as a daydreamer who was "not performing to the best of her abilities".
I have children...4 boys. the first was diagnosed at age 6 with severe ADHD. He was treated with Ritalin and counseling. He was placed in Special Education due to a ned for sefl-contained classrooms and more close supervision (due to being extremely impulsive). He is now 24, healthy, and doing average without medication. The second was never diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. The third was diagnosed with mild ADD. He was treated with Ritalin for a year or so and then refused it. He has an 8th grade education and blames the world for his problems. He is now 19. He lives in another state (by choice) and I don't honestly know much more. My youngest child is 17. He still lives at home. He was diagnosed with ADD at almost 8 years old. He was originally placed on Ritalin. The dose had to keep being increased with his age and size. He was switched to Concerta 2 -3 years ago. He is only taking it for school. He is only taking 36 mg at 5'10" and 179 pounds. He pays attention in class. He is in Special Education. This started with grade 4. He has other learning disabilities that leave him at a 4th grade reading level, 5th grade math level, and 3rd to 4th grade everything else. He achieves C's, D's and F's. Most grades are D's. For all of the accomodations made (based of ability/IEP), I am happy when he gets the D's becasue they are passing grades. If he passes the rest of school he will graduate at almost 20 years of age. I tell you this so that you may see your child is doing well. GREAT in my eyes.
Since ADD does not come and go, it is with you for life. I was a good student without accomodations. There weren't any available and the ADD was not recognized. My son has every accomodation that can be afforded and will never see an A or B. Be happy that your son doesn't have to struggle for his grades and praise him for whatever he gets.

I understand JBoon concerns about her child relying to heavly on accomodations. But one thing to think about is that in the middle school ages the kids are going through puberty and having to face alot of other challenges. Hopefully in later years they will be more mature and better able to pace themselves to deal with ADHD.

My biggest concern for my 13yr old is that "I don't want to set him up for failure". Meaning I won't put him in a situation on his own that would produce a negative result if he could of had help and gotten a positive result.

Sometimes I think too much emphasis is placed on grades. Isn't the important thing here that he is learning the material? If you rejoice in the fact the he is doing well in school and learning, then his self confidence will not be tied to a grade. Don't you want your child to feel confident about who he is, not what some teacher writes down on a grade report?

After all, he will need to learn to deal with this disorder in a world that probably will not make special accomadations for him. And who's life has been dramatically affected by a C in math that they recieved in 4th grade?

I believe that you only want what is best for your child. But I think you might need to reconsider what that is.

I appreciate those who responded to my post and thought I may take some flack for it! The one thing I did not mention is the fact that he is severely ADHD and is well aware of the achievements of other kids in his class. He recently told me he was "stupid" because several of his friends got into an accelerated program and he didn't.

I too agree with the comment that our kids must learn coping skills - but at what cost? Would you deny a kid with a sight problem glasses? Tell him he has to sit close to the board so he can see?

There are self esteem issues at play. Even though we tell him that as long as he does his best we're happy, he is very aware of the rewards that come to those who get A's and B's.

If he is so severe then how is it that he's earning B's and C's with no accomodations? Maybe you are pressuring him too much. He is doing great. Not all kids get into the accelerated programs. So what? He is so young that most of how he feels about school comes from YOU. There must be a reason that he thinks he's stupid huh? Most children his age dont think theyre stupid just because their friends get into accelerated programs and they dont. How can you sit there and say he is severely ADHD yet getting B's and C's with no help? Kids who are severely ADHD get accomodations and some of them still barely slide by with C's and D's. HE IS DOING GREAT!! You should be proud of him and let him know that he should be proud of himself. You are obviously making grades a bigger more important issue than they really are. He should not be basing his self esteem on grades. You say that you tell him he's smart no matter what grades he gets. Yet here you are telling us all he is severely ADHD etc etc. And I know I have repeated this several times but HE IS DOING GREAT!!! If you honestly believe that he is severely ADHD and getting B's and C's well... you need to re-evalute your definition of severe. Even if he gets accomodations and earns A's and B's then there will be kids telling him that he didnt earn those grades the same way everyone else did so he doesnt really deserve them.... then he will be having self esteem issues caused by that. I agree with a previous post, you seem to want whats best for your son, but you really do need to re-evaluate what that is.


[This message has been edited by Born2BeWild (edited 09-16-2003).]

LLinder,
I can relate to everything you are feeling. Your Son sounds alot like mine when he was that age. It would break my heart to hear him say " I Am So Stupid"!! My son started showing learning problems around 3rd grade. Every year at conference with the teacher, I voiced my concerns about his progress. They would always tell me he is doing just fine....of course I knew better, I knew that alot of the reason he was getting by was from ALOT of help from me at home. This was more so later around 6th grade....here I was doing alot of his work for him...otherwise he would have no t passed. It was always work that had to do with reading...and comprehending, something that he still struggles with. What finally was the last straw for me was when I went to his 6th grade conference, and his homeroom teacher said and i quote " Lets face it your son is always going to be a C student". He had totally written him off as far as I was concerned. I was speechless!
We took our son to the family Dr and he then ordered tests through the school...to say that I felt a bit of tension with the school Psycologist when we met with him with the paperwork from Fam Dr is an understatement! Teachers are NEVER wrong right? Anyway long story short (sorry about the novel) they did the testing, he tested ADD ....talk about vindication, I felt it.
After lots of researching online I approached our Dr about trying Paxil instead of the usual ritilin route, he said it was cetainly worth a try because, by this time was son had severly low self-esteem, mild depression signs and anxiety which he felt was all tied together. I could tell a difference in my Son by about wk 2 of meds.....complete transformation!

I would be interested to hear from anybody else out there if they are going the paxil route also. My Son is now a Senior in High School, has almost completely come out of his severe shyness...he is in every club that you can be in lol, all of his own choice I might add. No pushiness from us, matter of fact we've encouraged him to not take on so much, as he also has a pt time job. But he is a driven guy! His GPA has stayed a steady 3.0 (or higher) all through high school...has been in Who's Who for 3 yrs in a row, and is determined to go college.

LLinder, I hope that this gives you some hope that you are not alone....and do NOT give up. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

suseque

Born2BeWild,
Our Son is an ONLY child...the light of our life. Not so much as a swat on the butt, never a negative word about him or his progress at school, only positive. He referred to himself as STUPID on a daily basis.

Lots of kids say theyre stupid on a daily basis. The way the lesson plans are set up mostly geared towards auditory learners. There is something wrong with the school system!!

LLinder, I didnt want to sound rude before. I don't think Im really getting my point across though & I cant figure out a way to say it so people can understand http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

Im not really against your son having accomodations it just seems like you dont realize how great he's doing (Which you may or may not, I dont know you so I really cant say) I agree with Wild. You should ask about having the accomodations some of the time (only when he really needs them) Honestly I think that ALL of the children in school should be able to take their tests untimed or have them read orally if it could help them do better. All kids have different learning styles and many kids would benefit from being able to get some of those accomodations. In my mind I was thinking things like its not fair for your kid to get extra help when others who would also benefit cant have it. But then it hit me duh.. just because all kids arent lucky enough to have the chance to get those accomodations doesnt mean that if you can take advantage of the accomodations that you shouldnt. I do disagree with your "glasses" theory though. (I am slightly angry that ALL children are not given "accomodations" so that they can learn material through their own learning styles) BTW has your son ever been to a learning center like sylvan? They have some awesome programs and could work with him on academic subjects.

I think that you shouldnt take the accomodations all the time. Like WildAngel said, ask the teacher about using the accomodations only when he needs them. One way to do this is study for his tests at home. Have him take one written and one orally, and see which he does better on. If he cant master the material in the regular test format then ask if he can take that specific test orally. Just make sure to practive it in regular test format too, so then pretty soon he will hopefully be able to do just as well in regular test format as in oral format so in later grades he can take them normally with the rest of the class. If that makes any sense???

Do you have a local rec center that offers different classes and activities? If you do it might be nice for him to get into something. Either a sport (an independant non-competitive sport so he wont be comparing himself to other children) or if he likes art maybe a drawing class. Just something that he can do that no one he knows is involved in. This will give him self esteem from knowing that he can do something that no one else he knows can do. Just make sure its something non-competative!!



------------------
~*~ Kristy ~*~

suseque

"here I was doing alot of his work for him...otherwise he would have no t passed. "

Do you really think you were doing your son a favor? Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't passed. If he is unable to comprehend what he reads in 6th grade, maybe repeating a grade would have helped him.

What if all he ever is is a C student? Who cares? People have all sorts of different kinds of intelligence - book learning (which is graded in school) is only one. What about artistic intelligence, emotional intelligence, physical intelligence, etc.? Many people start off life with Cs in grade school and go on to lead very successful lives.

I still believe that you and the original poster need to look at your motivations. YOu don't have to accept that your child will not achieve anything, but you need to evaluate if this whole grade obsession isn't more about you than your child. Maybe if they weren't under so much pressure from their parents the children would be able to relax, and maybe do better.

Isn't it about learning??? Or is it just about grades?


* Thomas Edison's boyhood teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.

* Louisa May Alcott (author of Little Women and numerous other novels) was "told by an editor that she'd never write anything that people would like."

* Leo Tolstoy (author of War and Peace and Anna Karenina, among others) flunked out of college.

* Novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald flunked out of college

* Isaac Newton was a poor student in grade school.

* Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

* At age ten, famous artist Pablo Picasso stopped going to school because he was barely able to read or write. His father hired a tutor for Pablo, but the tutor soon quit, saying that the boy refused to do math.

* Beethoven's music teacher once said "as a composer he is hopeless."

* Abraham Lincoln entered the Black Hawk War as a captain and came out as a private.

* F.W. Woolworth's (of the five and dime store fame) employer wouldn't let him wait on customers because he "didn't have enough sense."

* A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney, saying he lacked good ideas.

* Winston Churchill failed the 6th grade.

* Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school. He did return later, attending a class for those with learning disabilities, but after only
a month, he dropped out of high school again.



[This message has been edited by DenverGal (edited 09-16-2003).]

Great post DenverGal!!!

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~*~ Kristy ~*~

Hmmmm I thought I read somewhere on this site that those who choose to post should have that right....and if you don't like what we have to say....just keep reading and don't reply. I was offering moral support to the person who started this topic.

We have never put pressure on our son to get a "certain" grade....I have the right to be offended if A teacher tells me that the only thing we can expect from our Son's schoolwork is going to be a C...that tells me that he has written him off as average and he is not going to encourage him to do any better.

Oh please, who hasn't helped their child with schoolwork??! My Son is in High School now,
the stuff they do now is so far over my head that I couldn't help him if I wanted to, he maintains good grades on his own...why?...because he is able to concentrate with the proper meds, and is not so anxious about his schoolwork. And "HE" wants to do well.

Excuse me if I seem like I am all tied up on a certain GPA....you know, parents do worry about stuff like that....we all have hopes and dreams for our child, You know...like go off to college, which by the way...does require a decent GPA.

Before you judge me, or the original poster, just remember, we are all just doing the best that we know for our children....which is what brought me to this board in the first place.

I was not planning on responding to the innappropriate responses I recieved to my original post, but I need to make one more point.

First, to suseque, I appreciate the words of support. It's nice to know that others have struggled with some of the issues that we have. It's so helpful to learn from others and share in their successess.

To those who choose to inappropriately pass judgement on people and situations that they know very little about - SHAME ON YOU!!

For mothers of ADHD children, it is a constant struggle. We want to do the absolute best we can to ensure that they are given every opportunity to succeed, that's a mother's instinct.

I appreciate the support that I recieve from this site and the other parents who also want to do the best they can for their children. I am always positive and supportive of my son and I think that's something we all must continue to do.

By the way, to the two negative posters - I am having trouble understanding where you are coming from when you are in the same situation that we are??? Unless you are not parents of children with ADHD......

LLinder excuse me but if you are reffering to ME as a "negative poster" then maybe you should re-read my post. What is negative about saying that your son should only have accomodations when he needs them rather than all the time? What is negative about suggesting he attend classes or sports at the local rec center to gain self confidence?

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~*~ Kristy ~*~

Just b/c you don't hear what you want to hear, or a person disagrees with you, doesn't mean that a person is negative. And this does not mean that I am "passing judgement" on you, I am offering a valid observation, even if you are unwilling to accept it.

If you read my posts, you will see that I am actually advocating FOR YOUR CHILDREN, as opposed to just supporting you. Your children can achieve everything they want in life. But GRADES do not define who they are. As I said - learning is what is important.

I realize that a person needs to get good grades to get into college. But both posters presented situations where the child was in grade school, which is what I responded to.

I am not saying that children should not get accomodations in school, or that no other steps should be taken to help the child. I think every child should be allowed to do his best. This is especially true when it comes to LEARNING the material. NO child should be at a dissadvantage when it comes to learning.

The point I am trying to make is that if your child feels insecure b/c of his grades, instead of reinforcing that feeling by focusing soley on grades - try to focus on his other good qualities. The MOST INFLUENTIAL person in a child's self esteem is his parents. And maybe he can see your dissappointment. Try to rejoice in his accomplishments. It sounds to me like he is a bright young person who is capable of learning - and that should be celebrated.

Although well intended, parents can put too much pressure on their kids and that could set them up for failure. My brother-in-law was diagnoised when he was younger, but back then they did the therapy, although pills were dispensed too. So the psychologist, through therapy, discovered my brother-in-law was having pressures from someone in the family and told his mom that he was not the type of child to do well under such pressure. His mother threw away the pills(they were Ritalin) and confronted the dad about this. This father was a aeronautical engineer, so naturally he expected certain grades. He was a very loving father but had no idea he was effecting his son is such a negative way.

So they hired a tutor to help and took off the pressure. Even a D warrented a baking of a cake to celebrate passing the class!!!! Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it, but with the pressure off and help of a tutor, he did a bit better although not exceptional.

But average grades did not stop him from getting a degree in college, because he found something he was passionate about in the medical field and had the motivation for it. He makes a great living now in the medical field, is married,and is one of the happiest, fun people I know despite todays' pressures of raising a family. Plenty of money in the bank and a beautiful, upscale home in a great area.

Most importantly, he also enjoys the fun things in life; skateboarding with his two young sons every chance he gets; at halloween he is one of those who makes his home a fun, elaborate haunting. He's like a big kid! He is also living a healthy lifestyle free of drugs or such things as smoking, etc.

If you listen to a psychiatrist, they would claim all ADD kids without "benefit" of meds will later be doomed to become drug addicts or complete failures. Well, I'd sure like to be as big a failure as my brother-in-law...

But back to the original point, his father's pressures surly was causing a major problem...despite the fact it was intentioned for his son's own good. I think that was the point some posters here are trying to make, not to judge any parents love or good intentions for their child!

[This message has been edited by Jennita (edited 09-18-2003).]

Out of all the ADD ADHD people Ive known there is a higher percentage of them that became drug addicts in the group that WAS treated. Of the people who werent treated for ADHD of course some of them use drugs too... but at a far lower rate then the people who were treated as children for ADHD do.

ADHD Non-treated = Some problems that any person ADHD or not may some day encounter

ADHD treated with ritalin = Much higher likelyhood of drug abuse/addiction as well as other problems caused by damage from the medications.

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~*~ Kristy ~*~

That is not true. It has been shown that children with ADHD who were NOT treated with stimulants such as ritalin were 3 times MORE likely to abuse alcohol and drugs as teenagers than those who had been treated with stimulants. Also, research has shown that people with ADHD do not become addicted when they are taking it as prescribed.

An 8 year old will be greatly influenced by his peers.

Actually children who are taking stimulants have less of a chance of getting addicted to other drugs. Most people do not take ADHD medications for life. The addiction happens when the medication is taken away. If the medication is never given at all there is a lower rate of addiction.

Come on guys...Support! When I come upon such interesting seeming contradictions in what people are saying they know to be true, I want to read further. Give us the name of an authority or a book or website or study so we can check it out.

Thanks, Wendy

Come on guys...Support! When I come upon such interesting seeming contradictions in what people are saying they know to be true, I want to read further. Give us the name of an authority or a book or website or study so we can check it out.

Thanks, lila

OOPs! That little attempt at editing (using my back browser) didn't work. I used to have the username wackywendy, but now I'm lilalemondrop! I keep signing off as Wendy.

-lilawackywendydrop

Hello posters. I posted last month about myself and my 4 boys. This is from personal experience...every word of it.
I helped each and every one of my boys with their homework, but never did it for them. They would not have learned a doggone thing if I had. The closest I ever came to 'doing for' was when my youngest (most severe ADD of the 4) was creating sentences for his spelling words in second grade. I read the word to him, he told me the sentence he wanted, I wrote it down word for word (poor grammar and all), and he would copy what I wrote. It was still HIS work. The teacher knew how I was helping him and agreed he was the one doing the work. I found a way to break it up into pieces by helping him in this manner. We all help our children. I don't know what was meant by someone doing homework for their child, but if that (or any) parent literally does the work, the child will gain no real knowledge from it.
As for the "drug use" issue, I was never treated for ADD. It was diagnosed just a few years ago when I was taking college courses. I was treated then. As a teen, I experimented with drugs. I even liked a few of them...all were stimulants. Not one of my children has been hooked on any illegal drug. Some were treated with drugs, one never took any. The most any one of them did while living at home (and still to my knowledge) was/is cigarette smoking. I tell you all this because either the material being used to state there is a higher likihood of drug use among those treated with stimulants than not is not 100% accurate or my children are the exception. Yes, I live in Illinois...Southern Illinois. However, We lived in Detroit up until late 1997. I just didn't want someone to look at my location and figure my boys lead a sheltered life. They haven't. I agree with an earlier post. Where is this "fact based" documentation on the association between drug use and prescribed stimulants?
By the way, my son gets each and every accomodation available. He gets C's, D's, and F's, mostly D's. School is a constant struggle for him. So much so that he has no intention of ever trying college courses. He KNOWS he is not stupid because I never allowed my children to call each other or themselves that nasty, hurtful word. For those who have children referring to themselves in this manner, take the focus off the grades and place it where it belongs...on them as a person. Grades tell you what you have accomplished from books and tests. Smart or intelligent people are the ones who never fear asking questions or asking for help, and keep on trying. The "dumb" ones are those that will not even try. I have always stood by that and always will.

kellbrn wrote:
I helped each and every one of my boys with their homework, but never did it for them. They would not have learned a doggone thing if I had. The closest I ever came to 'doing for' was when my youngest (most severe ADD of the 4) was creating sentences for his spelling words in second grade. I read the word to him, he told me the sentence he wanted, I wrote it down word for word (poor grammar and all), and he would copy what I wrote. It was still HIS work.

In response to your post above, I ask what is the difference in what you did and I what i did? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif

If you were to read my post again you will see that I said my son had a problem comprehending what he read....when i said "I did alot of his work for him," I am referring to the fact that i would read his chapter, or assignment for him and then tell him what it was about....he then did his assignment in his own words, NOT MINE....which seems to be alot like what you did with your son.

And to the other poster who said my son should have been held back in the 6th grade if he was not comprehending what he was reading.....I ask you...how would that have helped his self-esteem? As I mentioned also in my post, he referred to himself as stupid on a daily basis...( to which another "authority" on this board insinuated that perhaps "I" am to blame for his feeling this way.) I am putting to much PRESSURE on him to get good grades! You absolutely do not know us or our situation. I also stated that we do not put pressure on our son about "grades" (ohhhh look out here I go talking about the "G" word)....we celebrate whether it is an A,B,C, or D which by the way was his grade in geometry all last year. He struggled so badly with that class that when he got his report card, we literally high-fived each other that he made it through with a passing grade.

Like it or not the School systems are the ones who set up this whole grade scale thing.


I intended my original post as a success story. To help other people that are dealing with the same issues I am as a parent of an ADD child. To say that I am amazed at all the neg bashing I feel now is an understatement.

This board should be about SUPPORT! Lets help one another in a positive way....we are all here because we love and want to help our child/self/family member or friends.

I apologize in advance if this post is sarcastic, but in the words of someone else on this board "I am a mama bear, and will bear my claws to protect my cub"
And this is my absolute last post on this subject because this conversation is getting sooo tired http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/yawn.gif

Quote from suseque:
"And to the other poster who said my son should have been held back in the 6th grade if he was not comprehending what he was reading.....I ask you...how would that have helped his self-esteem?"

Gee, I don't know, maybe if he had repeated the grade and actually was able to comprehend what he read, I imagine his self-esteem would go through the roof! Since school is based on learning a concept and then building on it the next year, if your son missed some of the basic building blocks early, it is no wonder he is still struggling now.

You state that we do not know you or your situation, and I couldn't agree with you more. All we know is what you post, so if you say that you do most of your child's work, that is all we know, we do not know the details of how you helped him, just that you claimed to do most of his work. And that is what I responded to.

I am sorry if you or the original poster are offended by what I have written. But as a lifelong sufferer of ADD and the full time guardian of my sister's three children, all of who have ADD, my opinion is as valuable as anyone else's, even if it does not AGREE with everything you have done. I guess we could change the board where we were only allowed to agree with one another, but I don't think anyone would learn anything. If you only want your own perspective, then why bother even looking at this board?

Wow good topic - I guess what really matters is this: How does the child feel about this? Is your child happy getting Bs and Cs in school, is he/she happy in school without the accommodations and feels hard done by when "having" to get better grades, or does he/she feel pressurised, like a failure (because they know they aren't doing their best) and worthless without the accomodations?

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Redhead23

Female, 25

Quit smoking & left abusive relationship in 2003 - now there's just some 25 lbs to lose and I'm happy again :D

Possible ADD

Anxiety, panic attacks

Hi Everyone, very LONG - sorry**

Because of the heated debate that goes on with this board I mostly lurk - my life is to full of my own issues to go up against others to prove my point and this post is not intended in that spirit...

You had mentioned GPA for getting into a good college. Yes, GPA is important. But, most colleges also put a great deal of importance on SAT and ACT scores. To the best of my knowledge these tests are administered in a standard setting. You have to know how to test to score well.

Have you had your son evaluated for a learning disorder/disability? He clearly understands the material that's being covered in class or he wouldn't be making B's and C's (without help) if he didn't.

As your son's parent and advocate might you may want to consider finding the root cause of his testing problems! I think it probably goes past AD/HD.

The reason I ask ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a beautiful, intelligent, ADD/Epileptic daughter. Jenny is now 14 and a Freshman in HS. She is in mid/high level courses in most everything, but has managed to pull off college prep courses in Government and Science. She is studying to take the PSAT in Nov. And plans to go on to college, study law and be an advocate for children with learning/physical disabilities.

Her 6th grade teacher was the most instrumental person in getting Jenniffer the help that she needed and deserved. This teacher is adult ADD and had seen the signs in Jenny the first 2 weeks in her class. She helped us find a Dr that would not only treat for ADD but offer assistance in getting Jenny testing for learning disabilities which she suspected and any counseling for depression or self image issues.

We started medication in Dec. 00 (4 months after we first seen the Dr) By March of 01 Jenny had went from D's and F's to A's and B's, and her self image and out look on life soared!

Her teacher explained the process of establishing an IEP. But felt it was in her (Jenny's) best interest not to go this route. She helped us with behavior modification strategies and executive execution tactics. She was old enough at this point to decide that she DID NOT want to be singled out as slow. She had had her fill of that in earlier grades. So we did not exercise her right to an IEP. Not once did Jenny take an oral test. We have yet to pull that trigger - even after finding she is having seizures (staring spells) - she doesn't want to go there...

During the testing for learning disabilities it was determined that Jenniffer had a language disorder that greatly impacted her reading skills. We worked for nearly 2 years with a reading and English tutor and 18 months with a speech therapist (prior to 6th grade). She was basically taught to read all over and correct pronunciation (enabling her to sound out words for spelling that she may have to recall). All the difference in the world http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

If you want the best for your son, in the long run it will not be special testing. It will be finding out why he has testing difficulties. It could be as simple if test stress, and a few lessions in breathing and relaxation could do the trick.

Hope this helps.

Love and light

Lisa

My son is ADHD & is in the 5th grade. He loves to make the honor roll. He also went thru the severe depression, insomnia, ect. He also didn't want to take his meds at one point because he realized his friends didn't. He would call his self stupid too. COUNSELING was the best step we ever took. I have been told by several of his teachers that he is very bright but lets face it school fo ADHD kids is tough (as it is for all kids now a days.) Counseling helped him like himself. Now he makes A's B's C's and occasionnally even a D. The point is he tries his best and he knows he did his best. English has always been hard as far as it takes a lot of concentration (and we know how that goes). This nine weeks he got a 96 on his report card in English. Math & Science he has always excelled but were an B & C. He was comfortable in the fact that he tried his best. An ADHD kids self esteem level being low is a sad but normal thing. The thing is is to recognize it and do something about it. I am not implying that you are saying it and I believe in my heart you only want what is best for your child but lower grades (but still good grades) might not really be the issue. Maybe your child needs to learn to accept and really like hisself. I don't mean any of this in a rrude or mean way I just know I learned it from experience. My son has been seeing kis counselor for 9 months and it has helped tremendously at home & at school. Just think of it this way. How will your child feel taking his test differently than all his friends? Wish you all the luck in the world.
Loretta

I think you should not look at the grades in terms of A's, B's, etc. You should look at what your child is doing to earn those grades. If your child is getting C's and you know that he should be getting A's (not as a parent pushing, but on terms of potential...), maybe there are accomodations that can be made. I am now 23 years old, and when I was younger I received A's and B's. When I got into middle school, it slipped to B's; high school and college I was getting B's and C's. I was never diagnosed when I was a child as having ADD because I was never hyper, and I did well in school. Many people are quick to diagnose ADD on terms of hyper-activity and school performance. If your child works hard, and receives those B's--great! If your child struggles, does not concentrate or does not follow directions well, but still gets those B's, there may be something else there. I now take adderall xr, and I receive A's in all my college classes; not because it makes me someone I am not, but because I can use that untapped potential energy and turn it into who I am and what I can do. There are many ways to accomodate learning styles for children; some work well one-on-one, and some work well in groups. Please realize that children who perform well in school take home a great sense of achievement, and that is so important for developing future performance. Starting young and developing good school habits is crutial; your teacher should work to accomodate your child's learing style, and you should work on helping your child accomodate to your teacher's teaching style