What a nice feeling! I e-mailed cocaine anonymous and got a reply with a couple of listings for meetings and there was a beginners meeting Monday night. I meant to go, but came down with a cold. (I know, excuses, excuses) At least I know where to go and have a local contact person to talk with now. There's a women's meeting Friday night that I may try to go to, but it is about 45 minutes away from me and in an area of town that I an completely unfamiliar with. I'll keep y'all posted and thanks for all of your support!

You are to be congratulated, hugged,and smooched,and loved!!!! Great and wonderful job. You do know that Someone Cares and is always with you,right? It's amazing grace! You go girl and know you're not alone.

Hooray for your one week! I know that every day (God, sometimes every hour) counts and 7 days is a HUGE accomplishment.in The first time I attempted to get sober I argued with my boyfriend over 14 days vs. 12 days of sobriety - I wanted those the weekend I spent in rehab to count, he disagreed. Sounds petty, hun? But when you are hanging on by a thread, that is BIG STUFF!!! I read your last post when you used that weekend, and it really sounds like you are fed up and ready to make your life better. I will have 3 months in a couple of weeks and my life has changed so much already - not to mention my outlook!! I am doing 90 meetings in 90 days - if you have an AA or NA group nearby (there are lots of coke-heads in AA - believe me - I am one!) I would suggest that simply because it is the only thing that has ever worked for me and it gets your head in the right place. Thanks you so much for your reply to my post - it meant a lot to me. Hang in there. It is worth everthing.

Congrats...a little bit..But, you need to get tothose meetings, no matter how far away they are. You need to go every day if possible.

You also need to change your lifestyle. You
must get completely away from ANYONE who uses
or deals in drugs.

You will never be able to stick with your
program if you don't. Go back and read my last post to you. Your going to have to
get really serious and make a lot of changes
in your life. If you have to move to do
it...DO IT !!
One day at a time, is the only way you can
do it. But give yourself a chance by cutting
all your ties with drugs and people that have
anything to do with drugs. If you don't your
only kidding yourself and you won't have a
chance.

Congrats Princess! I'm glad you found out about meetings from someone at CA. Keep it up!!

mom, this is really random, but do you happen to have a daughter whose name begins with an "A" (I won't post the full name)? I've posted to someone with your username on another board (bluelight). I hope I haven't freaked you out, I was just wondering if you're the same person!

[This message has been edited by Tricky (edited 12-01-2000).]

You are definitely of the school of tough love! Your last post to me almost made me never come back to this board again because it was so tough, but I know you're right. You don't exactly give the kind of support I'm looking for, but I appreciate it all the same because you make me think. I know you're right and I applaud you for telling it like it is. Thanks.

Originally posted by TrickyDick:
Congrats...a little bit..But, you need to get tothose meetings, no matter how far away they are. You need to go every day if possible.

You also need to change your lifestyle. You
must get completely away from ANYONE who uses
or deals in drugs.

You will never be able to stick with your
program if you don't. Go back and read my last post to you. Your going to have to
get really serious and make a lot of changes
in your life. If you have to move to do
it...DO IT !!
One day at a time, is the only way you can
do it. But give yourself a chance by cutting
all your ties with drugs and people that have
anything to do with drugs. If you don't your
only kidding yourself and you won't have a
chance.

Tricky, it is thanks to you that I e-mailed CA and found out about those meetings! I want to thank you for that and also for bringing the problem of cocaine addiction to this board because if I remember correctly, it was your post that first helped me open up because there wasn't a whole lot of talk about coke on this board when I first started coming here until you spoke up and the floodgates opened. I have come to find a lot of comfort in coming here and talking with you and Christine and the others because y'all can really relate to me in a way that so many others can't. I hope everything is going well for you!

Originally posted by Tricky:
Congrats Princess! I'm glad you found out about meetings from someone at CA. Keep it up!!

mom, this is really random, but do you happen to have a daughter whose name begins with an "A" (I won't post the full name)? I've posted to someone with your username on another board (bluelight). I hope I haven't freaked you out, I was just wondering if you're the same person!

[This message has been edited by Tricky (edited 12-01-2000).]

Christine, Thank you for your words of support. Part of the rason I haven't gone to a meeting yet is because I'm nervous about it and when I told my boyfriend that tonight he told me that he will go to the first meeting with me and show me the ropes. (he hasn't followed any 12 step program, but he has been to meetings and knows the program) He has a list of meetings in our area and we are going on Saturday at 6. My plan is to go with him for the first one so I can get the gist of it and then go by myself from then on because I know I can't open up with him there. I'm nervous, but excited at the prospect of really doing something for myself.

Coincidentally, I live in Texas so when you think of your kids being here, just think of me and imagine me as a kind of "six degrees of separation" link to your babies! Be strong!! You're doing great!
Originally posted by Christine:
Hooray for your one week! I know that every day (God, sometimes every hour) counts and 7 days is a HUGE accomplishment.in The first time I attempted to get sober I argued with my boyfriend over 14 days vs. 12 days of sobriety - I wanted those the weekend I spent in rehab to count, he disagreed. Sounds petty, hun? But when you are hanging on by a thread, that is BIG STUFF!!! I read your last post when you used that weekend, and it really sounds like you are fed up and ready to make your life better. I will have 3 months in a couple of weeks and my life has changed so much already - not to mention my outlook!! I am doing 90 meetings in 90 days - if you have an AA or NA group nearby (there are lots of coke-heads in AA - believe me - I am one!) I would suggest that simply because it is the only thing that has ever worked for me and it gets your head in the right place. Thanks you so much for your reply to my post - it meant a lot to me. Hang in there. It is worth everthing.

You have to understand that "tough love"
is the only way to go. Almost anything
else is just "enabling".
Addiction is like a WAR...anything is fair
and nothing is fair. It is not a game, the
stakes are literally your LIFE.
I have enough personal experience with
addiction that I feel like I should write
a book. The only problem is they would want
it to be classified as fiction because they
just would not believe the things I know,I
saw,I did or the things I know others have
done because I was with them.
Every day...EVERY DAY..is a battle, just
as hard and nasty and gruesome as the kind
of battle that soldiers fight. The blood
and guts are not thrown all over the place
because the fight is in your head and your
heart. NO ONE can charge in and rescue you!!
YOU have to do it on your own...YOU have
to WANT it so BAD that you will NOT do DRUGS
TODAY !!! Then it starts right back up the
next day and the next and the next and on and
on for the rest of your LIFE...
YOU can't let your guard down, you can't
go to sleep on duty, you can't get tired or
wornout or sloppy because when you do you
will LOSE..you will use.
Addiction is something you can't explain to
anyone who is not or has not been addicted.
It is hard at first to explain it to yourself
and to make your head and heart understand
that this is a fight for all the marbles, for
you very right to exist and to be happy and
to live.
So...you still think I'm too tough or rough
on you??

Princess,
I am sooo glad that things are going well for you. Thank you for your post! What you said was the one thing that went right for me today!

I haven't been doing too well myself when it comes to staying clean. I'm coming off yet another wkend that makes me ashamed to be me. My b/f and I finally decided that we are not going to see our friends who use anymore. This is a really big deal for us, and I think it is definitely the right thing to do. I will NEVER stay clean as long as I spend time with our other friends.

I'm also going to a meeting tonight which I know will help. Hopefully I'll have better news to post soon!