I'm not sure entirely why, but for some reason I have this newfound resolve to really stay off cocaine this time. I don't mean that this is some meaningless New Year's resolution either. I've been sporadically quitting and going back to it for a few months now, but just before Christmas I decided to quit and really meant it. Last wkend, my best friend was at my house and wanted to go pick up a bag. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Nah, I don't want any".

I'm not foolish enough to believe that it will always be this easy for me to turn away from it, but for the first time I really feel like I can stop! I'm so happy, I just had to post it. Thanks to all you guys for listening again!

[This message has been edited by Tricky (edited 01-04-2001).]

Hey Tricky,
Nice to hear from you again, I thought maybe the Christmas Elves had you kidnapped.
Everyday, you can just say "Not Today".

That's good news Tricky, congratulations.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but I can't tell you how many times I said that and then, against my will and without regard for consequences, I was back using again. I can even remember picking up the pipe and sobbing, not wanting to use, but using anyways. Quitting coke was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I am fortunate to be clean for over 3 years and, still, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about using (just a short mental blip now). I don't dream about it or crave it anymore, thank God. However, when I'm stressed out, I crave for a week or two, but then it passes. Quite frankly, one of the things that keeps me clean is remembering how hard it was to quit - I don't ever, ever want to go through that again.

Anyways, I think the point I'm trying to get to is what do you intend to do the next time you want to use? Are you going to meetings? Do you have people in your life you can talk to about it? Are there safe places you can go when you're not feeling so strong? Have you considered Detox, treatment? Some things for you to think about.

The next time you want to use, instead of just thinking about the high, take it further and remember what it's like when the coke is gone, you can't get any more, you can't sleep, you realize that you've broken all the promises you made to yourself (and your family); remember how miserable it is.

My thoughts are with you. Please keep in touch.

Be well.

[This message has been edited by Casper (edited 01-05-2001).]

Hi Tricky!!

I am SOOOO glad to hear from you!!! I was thinking about you over the holidays - you have offered me so much encouragement over the past few months even as you were struggling yourself. I can only hope to somehow return the favor.

I know I can get on my soapbox about meetings, but I tell you, THEY WORK!! The ONLY thing that has ever kept me clean, and from my interrogation of people who have relapsed after extended periods of sobriety, the only thing that they have in common, really, is that they stopped going.

I wish you all the luck in the world, though you won't need luck, just faith and hope, and you are already well on your way.

Take good care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Thanks everyone! Casper, it's ok, you didn't burst my bubble at all. I know that it won't always be easy, but this is the first time I've ever really felt like I could do it. I made half-hearted attempts before, or swore up and down that I would't use knowing full well that I would.

Christine and TrickyDick, as always, thank you for being here! It's funny how you get to really look forward to the words of people you've never met...