I have been clean and sober for about 2 1/2 months. I have never made it to 90 days before. I am trying really hard - I just put my kids back on an airplane to Texas this morning - they live with their Dad, more or less because of my alchohol and cocaine use. This was my year for
Thanksgiving. I won't see them for Christmas. I won't see them until their March vacation unless I fly to Texas and my finances won't allow that right now. I am really sad, and I have relapsed every time I have sent my kids home after a visit for the past 18 months since I began trying to change my life by getting sober. I have been to at least one AA meeting every day since Sept. 17th, I have never done that before, but a part of me is still scared I can't handle the pain and I DREAD the Christmas holidays without them. Just wanted to post this to get it out of my head.

Hello Christine,

I just came on here to see what goes on and read your letter. Although I cannot really relate to your situation, my heart goes out to you. It must be really tough to be without your children, especially around the holidays. Do you have someone you can spend the holidays with when your children are not with you?

It sounds like you are trying really hard to kick the addictions and you should be proud of yourself. In the long run, your children will love you much more for it. Keep going to the AA meetings. Keep coming here to vent when you need to. I'll be here to talk to when you're feeling low. I can relate to depression. I have suffered with it for many years. Hang in there!


Gail

Christine, hang in there. I know how difficult this time of year is, I always have trouble myself. Keep yourself busy and surrounded by people who care and to put a silver lining on your back cloud, remember that since your children won't be spending Christmas with you, at least you won't have to go through the pain of sending them back again. I'm sure they know you love them and will be thinking about you on Christmas day! We all love you! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

why do all these poor people who relapse (make the consiece decision to use drugs) again and again, who are part of, and belive in twelve step philosophy, believe that meetings are helpful? The evidence would suggest that it is harmfull

Well, Jazzcat, this "poor person" relapsed again and again because she always STOPPED going to meetings - since I made the conscious (please check your spelling, by the way)decision to go to meetings regularly, even when I don't feel like it, I have not felt the need in nealy four months now, to use or drink.

Keep on keeping on.
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To jazz cat..knocking 12 step programs...you really don't get it do you? I sincerely hope you wake up and realize that the ONLY thing that has successfully treated the disease of addiction with any modicum of success has been NA, AA, GA and all of the other programs. Falling off just means you have a larger problem and need more help then you probably realized. But to rationalize falling off the wagon to non efficacy of a 12 step program is just ludicrious. God Bless you and I hope you understand that these programs are the ONLY true cure. All we have is God and each other. All that matters is how you treat yourself and the people you love. Everything else is window dressing.