Until this will be the first weekend in more than a month that I haven't put anything up my nose. I am drinking and smoked a little bud Friday night, but so far I've done well. My dealer even called me last night to tell me he had some killer coke and asked if I wanted some. I said no and he told me if I changed my mind, I knew where to find him. I stressed hard, but managed to not do it and ironically I had help from an unlikely source. My ex boyfriend, the ex heroin junkie kept me grounded and spent time with me and helped me be strong. I want it so bad, but getting through the weekend will be a big victory for me.

Your going to find it harder each day...
then easier and easier then one day when you
think everything is ok you are going to want
to try a little you know, it won't hurt, you
know, just a reward for being good you know.
You will find all kinds of excuses or you
might have something bad happen and really
stress you out and you just know if you just
had a "little" you could feel better and get
by a little better and you know, how it is..
But, consider this...
Don't tie what happens or does not happen or
how you feel or don't feel or who things
are working out or not working....TO
DRUGS.......get the idea??? You have to
understand that no matter what drugs are
going to just make things worse and hurt
everybody and screw things up FOR REAL.
Get by one day at a time...24 hours with
no drugs....want to drink...remember when
you drink you loose some of your smarts...
Want to hang...remember you can't hang
around drugs or people connected in any
way with drugs...it just won't work!!!
6 years, one day at a time..
Good luck...but its better to make your own.

Hooray for you! I know how hard that must have been - it sounds like you are on the right road. Did you get to a meeting? I know I sound like a broken record, but you know, I believe the program will save my life. I am SO glad to hear you were strong - it isn't easy.

hi princess, read your post... Good for you deciding to stay away from coke! Your life will be happier without it, I am an ex-junkie myself.I want to warn you about listening to all sorts of **** people are going to tell you, including me (haha) trust yourself. It is not hard to quit drugs, modify behavior etc. All sorts of cats from aa and na don't want you to belive this, they will tell you that if you don't belive what they do ,or work their "program" that you will fail miserably! "jails, institutions,blah blah.." You wil quit when you are are ready. I quit junk one and a half years ago. I did then NA thing but disagreed with the disease model of addiction and the whole facism in a velvet glove cult philosophy. People are going to give me **** for saying this because I am thinking independantly, and independant thought is the enemy of twelve step. You must submit your mind/will! Or you won't be able to stay off drugs! (that is undelying theme, common to all cults actually) The truth is I found it much easier to stay of drugs after I stopped going to NA and hearing all these drug obsessed people living in the past, afraid to let go of their addicitons and move on with their lives. NA was feeding my addiction! It is the great unspoken truth that twelve steppers have a love/hate relationship with drugs that they won't let go of.They don't want to use anymore except for the odd relapse some of them, because they don't want to get hurt anymore, but they maintain and create an atmosphere of drug nostalgia! That is the real requirment for membership, the desire to keep using; having drugs remain the dominant theme in your life. I started to fall into the trap, but from the beginng I could see what was up. Cults have their appeal though, especially to a person with addiction history, all that stuff you have to depend on to keep you sober! Except of course your own free will! I know I am ranting,but I don't want to see anyone that can stop drugs and move on with their lives get sucked into the NA obsession with the whole thing, it will do more harm than good. Just wait and see the responses that this posts get, and think about it for yourdelf, you will see what I mean! also, check out rational recovery on the net. Good on 'ya If you think you can do it you will, don't let antone talk you out of your own responibillity and power!

You are too much. I place my bet that your "sobriety" ends before you hit 5 years. You should listen more - oh, but that's right - you HAVE all the answers.