Palomino
07-09-2003, 04:09 PM
I need some advice from people who have been in my position, or have heard this from others.
I just found out I have chlamydia (went for a pap last week.) I have my pills and things should be fine, so it's ok.
I know that I must have gotten it from my boyfriend of 1 year (I went for a pap right before I dated him, and I was a couple of months late this year.)
I don't think he knows he has it -- we talked about it and he said he was clean. of course if he DOES know then he lied to me, which opens another can of worms.
Anyways, he has to get tested and treated too. I know he's a little weird about cheating. I have to talk to him about this, but I'm afraid that he'll think I cheated on him and gave it to him. I've never cheated on him, I'm crazy about him.
How do I bring up this topic? What's the best way to do it? This isn't a hugely serious disease, it should be ok, but I'm still nervous about talking to him.
Thanks.
I just found out I have chlamydia (went for a pap last week.) I have my pills and things should be fine, so it's ok.
I know that I must have gotten it from my boyfriend of 1 year (I went for a pap right before I dated him, and I was a couple of months late this year.)
I don't think he knows he has it -- we talked about it and he said he was clean. of course if he DOES know then he lied to me, which opens another can of worms.
Anyways, he has to get tested and treated too. I know he's a little weird about cheating. I have to talk to him about this, but I'm afraid that he'll think I cheated on him and gave it to him. I've never cheated on him, I'm crazy about him.
How do I bring up this topic? What's the best way to do it? This isn't a hugely serious disease, it should be ok, but I'm still nervous about talking to him.
Thanks.
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normorcrazy
07-09-2003, 07:07 PM
More than likely he's going to get angry and accuse you to defend himself. Since you all chose to be sexually active then the only way to tell him is out right and the sooner the better. Your right, it's not a serious disease unless gone untreated, in which you can get PID and cause severe damage to your fallopian tubes which can result in infertility. That's not serious unless you want to have kids one day. I think you should learn from this and even after he's treated if you stay with him you need to be responsible and use protection. If he can cheat once he can do it again. I think it's a little concerning when you say you have your pills and things should be fine...what happens the next time and you end up with HIV (which can take up to 6 mos to show up, so you aren't out of the woods yet). Will it be ok once you get your pills? What about hepatitis, which kills at a faster rate than HIV/AIDS? These are life time diseases, along with genital warts and herpes. Is he a life time boyfriend? You really need to face reality and take care of yourself because it's no one else's duty to take care of you!!!
Palomino
07-10-2003, 01:12 PM
Originally posted by normorcrazy:
More than likely he's going to get angry and accuse you to defend himself. Since you all chose to be sexually active then the only way to tell him is out right and the sooner the better.[b] [QUOTE]
Fortunately I was able to speak with him almost immediately after posting here. We had a serious discussion and I was able to clear up some real issues.
[QUOTE][b] Your right, it's not a serious disease unless gone untreated, in which you can get PID and cause severe damage to your fallopian tubes which can result in infertility. That's not serious unless you want to have kids one day. [b] [QUOTE]
I agree. That would explain why I am rushing to take the treatment and forcing him to as well including tracking down his past partners.
[QUOTE] [b]I think you should learn from this and even after he's treated if you stay with him you need to be responsible and use protection. [b] [QUOTE]
Believe me, I have. However, 75% of chlamydia infections are asymptomatic -- that means you simply don't know you've got anything. No symptoms. I wasn't sitting around watching my body fight this infection and thinking it was fun! I am by no means the first nor the last person to end up in this difficult position. Of course I've learned from it, and it won't happen again. I had the fear of God in me for three days. Think it was fun? It wasn't. I'm not going through that again. I'm going to be the condom queen, believe me.
[QUOTE][b]If he can cheat once he can do it again. I think it's a little concerning when you say you have your pills and things should be fine...what happens the next time and you end up with HIV (which can take up to 6 mos to show up, so you aren't out of the woods yet). Will it be ok once you get your pills? What about hepatitis, which kills at a faster rate than HIV/AIDS? These are life time diseases, along with genital warts and herpes. Is he a life time boyfriend? [b][QUOTE]
I can understand what you're getting at here. I have been tested for all of those diseases as well. I did screw up -- but at least I'm trying to fix it and keep it from happening again.
[QUOTE][b]You really need to face reality and take care of yourself because it's no one else's duty to take care of you!!!
I wasn't aware that I was refusing to face reality, but thanks so much for taking the time to point it out to me. And believe me, I'm not counting on anyone else to take care of me. I just thought that so far, people on this board were able to help out and be supportive, and I've never been in this position before. If it appears to you like I'm expecting someone else to take care of me, my apologies for any inconvenience. Just thought someone might understand my position. I made a mistake and I'm asking for help -- does that piss you off? Gee whiz, I'm so sorry.
Don't worry -- I won't bother you people again.
[This message has been edited by Palomino (edited 07-10-2003).]
More than likely he's going to get angry and accuse you to defend himself. Since you all chose to be sexually active then the only way to tell him is out right and the sooner the better.[b] [QUOTE]
Fortunately I was able to speak with him almost immediately after posting here. We had a serious discussion and I was able to clear up some real issues.
[QUOTE][b] Your right, it's not a serious disease unless gone untreated, in which you can get PID and cause severe damage to your fallopian tubes which can result in infertility. That's not serious unless you want to have kids one day. [b] [QUOTE]
I agree. That would explain why I am rushing to take the treatment and forcing him to as well including tracking down his past partners.
[QUOTE] [b]I think you should learn from this and even after he's treated if you stay with him you need to be responsible and use protection. [b] [QUOTE]
Believe me, I have. However, 75% of chlamydia infections are asymptomatic -- that means you simply don't know you've got anything. No symptoms. I wasn't sitting around watching my body fight this infection and thinking it was fun! I am by no means the first nor the last person to end up in this difficult position. Of course I've learned from it, and it won't happen again. I had the fear of God in me for three days. Think it was fun? It wasn't. I'm not going through that again. I'm going to be the condom queen, believe me.
[QUOTE][b]If he can cheat once he can do it again. I think it's a little concerning when you say you have your pills and things should be fine...what happens the next time and you end up with HIV (which can take up to 6 mos to show up, so you aren't out of the woods yet). Will it be ok once you get your pills? What about hepatitis, which kills at a faster rate than HIV/AIDS? These are life time diseases, along with genital warts and herpes. Is he a life time boyfriend? [b][QUOTE]
I can understand what you're getting at here. I have been tested for all of those diseases as well. I did screw up -- but at least I'm trying to fix it and keep it from happening again.
[QUOTE][b]You really need to face reality and take care of yourself because it's no one else's duty to take care of you!!!
I wasn't aware that I was refusing to face reality, but thanks so much for taking the time to point it out to me. And believe me, I'm not counting on anyone else to take care of me. I just thought that so far, people on this board were able to help out and be supportive, and I've never been in this position before. If it appears to you like I'm expecting someone else to take care of me, my apologies for any inconvenience. Just thought someone might understand my position. I made a mistake and I'm asking for help -- does that piss you off? Gee whiz, I'm so sorry.
Don't worry -- I won't bother you people again.
[This message has been edited by Palomino (edited 07-10-2003).]
livenlearn
07-10-2003, 01:19 PM
before you're so quick to run off... I'VE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE.... all of my paps were always normal... i started dating a guy.... and suddenly, i found myself with chlamydia.... didn't cheat..etc.... i was VERY nervous about telling him because he was my best friend's cousin.... and she was very protective of him.... and OF COURSE according to them i was the one that gave it to him... but, i know that's not true.... regardless... point of the story here is this.... for your health , for his health.. and pretty much for anyone's health that either one of you choose to sleep with, its more than important to talk to him, tell him you understand how he feels, and you're just as confused as him as to where this came from... blahblahblah.... one point i have to make is that it is common to have had chlamydia and not have symptoms... maybe he had this before he even met you... and you just found out now that you caught it from him when you first started sleeping together... most times chlamydia doesn't have symptoms.... something to think about...
just be honest with him that you're scared and worried not only about health issues, but your relationship.... there's many possible scenarios that could have caused you to get this.... firstly, (unless you have reasons to believe otherwise) give him the benefit of the doubt.... and most important... take care of yourself, get re-checked after you're done with the meds.... when i had it , it took 3 doses of meds to get rid of it.... and the only reason i knew i still had it was because i went back to the docs to get re-checked... that's SOOOOO important...
let us know how you're doing, what went down and how you're gonna handle this.... know that chlamydia is curable 100%... and its not the end of the world...
[This message has been edited by livenlearn (edited 07-10-2003).]
just be honest with him that you're scared and worried not only about health issues, but your relationship.... there's many possible scenarios that could have caused you to get this.... firstly, (unless you have reasons to believe otherwise) give him the benefit of the doubt.... and most important... take care of yourself, get re-checked after you're done with the meds.... when i had it , it took 3 doses of meds to get rid of it.... and the only reason i knew i still had it was because i went back to the docs to get re-checked... that's SOOOOO important...
let us know how you're doing, what went down and how you're gonna handle this.... know that chlamydia is curable 100%... and its not the end of the world...
[This message has been edited by livenlearn (edited 07-10-2003).]
Palomino
07-10-2003, 01:25 PM
Thanks livenlearn. I was terrified and didn't sleep for three days when I learned that I had to go back in to the doctor. I am so relieved that I'm going to be ok, and that you don't think I'm irresponsible, ignoring reality or expecting other people to take care of me like the earlier poster on this board. I just love the way people who post on an STD board want to prance in the door and start throwing around judgement -- is anyone in here pleased with their situation? Is anyone in here NOT going to make an effort to keep it from happening again? Honestly -- with the s**t I've gone through, the worrying, the regret, the absolute fear, I think I figured the whole protection thing out. I learned my lesson the hard way but I LEARNED IT.
I spoke to him right after I posted my first message on this board. He was calling to ask about the doctor's appointment. We sat down that night and talked about it, and he felt awful. He says he has no symptoms and honestly didn't know, and since my last pap was before I dated him, this may very well have been in our relationship since the get-go. Fortunately he went to the doctor yesterday and we're going to take our treatments together. It was a rough conversation, but we were both supportive and trusting of each other and I think we'll get through it.
Thanks for your help.
I spoke to him right after I posted my first message on this board. He was calling to ask about the doctor's appointment. We sat down that night and talked about it, and he felt awful. He says he has no symptoms and honestly didn't know, and since my last pap was before I dated him, this may very well have been in our relationship since the get-go. Fortunately he went to the doctor yesterday and we're going to take our treatments together. It was a rough conversation, but we were both supportive and trusting of each other and I think we'll get through it.
Thanks for your help.
devastated
07-10-2003, 02:23 PM
I know how you felt Palamino, about approaching him about it. I had my first outbreak of herpes after being with my boyfriend for a year. I was so scared, and I didn't know how I could have it and him not have symptoms, and all these thoughts/scenarios ran through my head. Not only was I afraid that he would think I had cheated on him and gotten it, I was afraid that he might have known he had it and just not told me, or that he cheated on me and got it and gave it to me. Thank god everything turned out okay. My doctor is quite positive I got it from him performing oral sex on me about a week prior (he got a small cold sore the day after the encounter), especially since I type tested to type 1 instead of 2. We were both soooo relieved. I never really knew much about STD's until recently. At least Clamydia is curable, and you caught it early. I'm sure your boyfriend just didn't know that he had it. I'm glad everything worked out for you. :) I hope you continue using the boards!
livenlearn
07-10-2003, 02:44 PM
good for you palomino!!!!!!! that's great that you both are going thru this together !! Did you have symptoms to prompt you to go to the docs?? Just make sure both of you re-test after your meds.... its so important to make sure its gone....
when i had chlamydia, the jerk off i was dating also got me pregnant at the same time.... i have 2 children from a previous marriage, a mortgage , a career, a devote catholic mother.... and all of this happened to me because i wasn't being careful... so, me pass judgement?? i think not.... i was so very ashamed and noone really knew about it when it happened... my family just knew "something was wrong".... i had an abortion... and that in itself was very painful emotionally.... but, i know it was the right choice.... i met my now husband 2 weeks after my abortion... and he knew from the very beginning all of this i went thru only weeks before... he was so supportive, and when bad reports would come back from the doctors he'd say, "we're going thru this together"... which i so wasn't used to.... i was so worried the chlamydia didn't go away again, although i got a "negative" finally from my docs right after i met him... (he and i didn't sleep together for a while after we met ((( i'm sure you understand why))) ) i was terrified of sex, intimacy, anything to do with it.... i guess my point is EVERYONE has skeletons... and you're right .. the reason for this board is education, and support.... i came to these boards right when i found out i had it....
i'm still going to the docs every 3 months for paps... luckily, the paps are ASCUS, and I'm negative for HPV... so, its because of the chlamydia i had, and the abortion on top of it that threw my cervix out of whack... but, i'm sooooo close to being "back to normal"....
Good luck!! and let me know how you're doing... remember to take ALL your meds... and go back to the docs 2 weeks after the last pill to be re-checked... you're going to be fine !! :)
when i had chlamydia, the jerk off i was dating also got me pregnant at the same time.... i have 2 children from a previous marriage, a mortgage , a career, a devote catholic mother.... and all of this happened to me because i wasn't being careful... so, me pass judgement?? i think not.... i was so very ashamed and noone really knew about it when it happened... my family just knew "something was wrong".... i had an abortion... and that in itself was very painful emotionally.... but, i know it was the right choice.... i met my now husband 2 weeks after my abortion... and he knew from the very beginning all of this i went thru only weeks before... he was so supportive, and when bad reports would come back from the doctors he'd say, "we're going thru this together"... which i so wasn't used to.... i was so worried the chlamydia didn't go away again, although i got a "negative" finally from my docs right after i met him... (he and i didn't sleep together for a while after we met ((( i'm sure you understand why))) ) i was terrified of sex, intimacy, anything to do with it.... i guess my point is EVERYONE has skeletons... and you're right .. the reason for this board is education, and support.... i came to these boards right when i found out i had it....
i'm still going to the docs every 3 months for paps... luckily, the paps are ASCUS, and I'm negative for HPV... so, its because of the chlamydia i had, and the abortion on top of it that threw my cervix out of whack... but, i'm sooooo close to being "back to normal"....
Good luck!! and let me know how you're doing... remember to take ALL your meds... and go back to the docs 2 weeks after the last pill to be re-checked... you're going to be fine !! :)
Palomino
07-10-2003, 02:52 PM
Wow, thanks guys!
Devastated -- that's just like my situation, only it was chlamydia, not herpes. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who's been there... I felt so dirty and yucky before. I wish I hadn't had to learn this lesson like this, but at least now I know. I'm the new condom queen.
Livenlearn -- I didn't think you were going to pass judgement, but since normorcrazy did I was a little worried! But thank you so much for being so understanding.
I didn't have any symptoms and neither did my boyfriend. I was just scheduled for my yearly pap, and that's when I found out about it. I was a couple of months late for my pap though (I totally forgot about it, and then, as I'm sure you know, there was a 2 month wait before I could get in with the doctor!)
Thanks again you guys. I really appreciate all your help and support, and I feel much better knowing that even though it's a pretty rotten situation, I'm not the only one who's been there. Thank you! :)
Devastated -- that's just like my situation, only it was chlamydia, not herpes. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who's been there... I felt so dirty and yucky before. I wish I hadn't had to learn this lesson like this, but at least now I know. I'm the new condom queen.
Livenlearn -- I didn't think you were going to pass judgement, but since normorcrazy did I was a little worried! But thank you so much for being so understanding.
I didn't have any symptoms and neither did my boyfriend. I was just scheduled for my yearly pap, and that's when I found out about it. I was a couple of months late for my pap though (I totally forgot about it, and then, as I'm sure you know, there was a 2 month wait before I could get in with the doctor!)
Thanks again you guys. I really appreciate all your help and support, and I feel much better knowing that even though it's a pretty rotten situation, I'm not the only one who's been there. Thank you! :)
devastated
07-10-2003, 03:33 PM
hehe, I actually just got tested for clamydia last week...I was watching some Sex in the City episodes I rented and there was one where on of the characters, Miranda, found out she had it. It made me all paranoid, especially with most people not even knowing they have it because they don't get symptoms. Luckily, I just found out today I'm in the clear. Although, I would take "the clap" over "the herp" anyday! haha. Take care. ;)