It seems like it doesn't matter what I use for a facial cleanser. I always end up with an oily nose and dry cheeks. If I mosturize my cheeks, they get all red and sore. Should I just wear a bag over my head or what?

Try washing face with a gentle soap or Cetaphil Cleanser. Apply lotion only to cheeks, omitting the nose. I like Neutrogena Facial lotion.