Hi, This is my first post. I'm here because of my Dad. I come from a family of 4 kids. Me being the oldest. So of course I'm a worry wart. My parents have never really been very honest with us kids especially me & my sister(she's the second oldest). We've always known that my Dad had used heroin.Growing up we never had money and my Mom was always working her butt off because my dad couldn't keep a job. It seemed it was always someone elses fault why he was fired or quit, etc. We moved alot because we rented ,but now I'm realizing that we were always evicted from our houses. Lately my brothers and sisters have been "reminiscing" about how dad used to always steal money from us.Anyway, from bits and pieces I've gotten from my brother and sisters and different family members is my Dad started doing heroin when he was 17 ( he'll be 50 this year). He's been going to a methodone clinic for about 12 years, and from what my sister has said, she had to drive him a couple of times and before he would leave he would microwave a small bottle, which we think was clean urine cuz he used to keep 2liters of urine at the side of his bed. We just thought he was to lazy to get out of bed to go to the bathroom ( because for about 10 years he barely ever came out of his room)Anyway after she would have to take him to the clinic she would have to drive him to this guys house. We always had weird people stopping by the house too. Well, what has really got me started reading this board is , in December my dad started having these wierd symptoms, insomnia,loss of concentration, memory loss, he's also been calling everyone he's ever known, and just talking about nothing. My Mom is saying it was from this blood pressure medication he was on.Come to find out , he stopped going to the clinic around then. Even though my mom says all these symptoms started before. But we think she is still covering for him. He ended up having to go to the ER and they admitted him. They took an MRI of his brain and they said there was a spot that is abnormal for his age. I heard somewhere that heroin shows up on an MRI as a spot. I don't think he would tell the physician about the heroin or the methodone.Or would he have to? As you can see I'm VERY niave(sp?)about this stuff. Needless to say, he is off work . The reason why I'm so concerned is, My Mom has a really good job and I know what she makes alone covers her bills. THe thing is they never have money and are maybe going to get evicted again. We kids tried to talk to my mom very casually and she totally clammed up. We think he is using again. But I don't have the proof and I'm afraid to say something to my mom because she won't talk to me about it. It's worrying me because physically you can tell the worry is taking a toll on her. I guess what I'm looking for is some insight on this whole situation. Sorry so long . And TIA for any responses.

I'm not an expert on this, but it sounds like a seriously co-dependent relationship between your parents. You see your dad loves that your mom takes care of him. She covers for him and makes it much easier for him to use and not have to worry too much about consequences. If something bad happens, she will take care of him. Now, your mom is an enabler. She will cover for him and do whatever she can to hide his problems and sort out any consequences. She will do this because on some level it makes her feel good to be taking care of him. It gives her power. At the same time, she may be scared to lose him, be without him. She is dependent on his being dependent on her (if that makes any sense). Anyway, that is a very rough description of co-depency. You may want to get more info off of the internet on it. It sounds as though they've been practicing this routine for quite a while and it would be hard to break.
Considering his history, your dad could well be using again. Whether he is or not, it sounds like it may be time overdue to bring in some professionals. You may want to schedule some family sessions with a therapist for you and your mom, your siblings, or even your dad though considering your description, he may not do it.

I really hope that you find a way to bring more help and healing to this situation.

Natema


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Participating in real life is not so hard. Ceasing to
pretend that there is something better we could be doing is a
little harder.
-Tao of Enlightenment