Heroin Eyes Copyright for Nicole Bonnivier all rights reserved

Six years ago, I sold my soul that day. Had to get my high, had to get away. " I'm invincible! " said me when I was on smack. No one could reach me to help me find my way back. Five bags I would blow too get high. I stared at Mr. Needle with a sigh. Here we are now, the beginning of the end. Drowning in dope, the syringe being my only friend. When my lips moved, it was a lie. If my eyes were open, I wanted to cry. There wasn't a dime I wouldn't steal. Not a scam I couldn't make real. Now my body was in sync with my mind. Not knowing what felt worse or what was more unkind. Every morning I awoke with dreadful fear. That all morning I'd be sick and sweat and tear. I lost my friends, my family, and even self respect. Heroin shadowed over my whole life in every aspect. Even that wasn't enough to make me stop. It wasn't until I was searched by a city cop. At age eighteen, I was behind bars. Just waiting too fill my veins and open my scars. Though when I came home I seen how life was to be. Nothing or noone was there waiting for me. I always knew this was not a way to live. I wanted too see what life had to offer and give. Finally, my mind and body was truly clean. Even though for years I thought I'd always be a dope fiend. Every day is a struggle, don't get me wrong. It's too easy to relapse and the battle is lifelong. I'm still here to share where I've been; and let the world know where I was then. I'm blessed that I didn't die. Think about that next time you get high.

If I shared my story, It would be to long and painful. This is my way of sharing.


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"So complicated it is to escape fate that you can never understand what im going through till we trade places...." - 2pac shakur

THE ABOVE IS A POEM BY MY GOOD FRIEND NICOLE

Humble Man

hey why no repies http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif what do u guys and gals think of the poem? anyone like it?

Humble

what's the message here?
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif

I think the message is there's hope even if you are at your lowest, thing can get better and they do get better, right????

Hey Humbleman -

It's not that I don't like the poem, obviously someone in pain wrote it - and we have all been there - but I would prefer to see a message of hope. We have all had our painful stories - what we need here on this board is positive messages to one another on how to get clean and stay there - don't just wallow in the misery of being an addict - that's the easy solution. The hard yet oh-so-rewarding road to recovery is the inspiration we want to share.

Lisa yes your right ...and christine and hezbo thast excatly what the poem is for to show both sides to the life of ah eroin addict to show how dark it is and hopefully it may scare somone to never experiment with heroin in teh first place but the real message was that Nicole finally truimphed over her addiction even after allll that happened and however hard it got she still got thourgh teh pain and got clean cant u guys see that??? dont u see what she says at the end of the poem that she is now clean and she is grateful she did not die think about that next time u get high!!!! hope that clears up matters http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Humble Man

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"So complicated it is to escape fate that you can never understand what im going through till we trade places...." - 2pac shakur

Hi Humble -

I don't know if you are familiar with NA or AA but at meetings speakers share their experience, strength and hope in order to help others find a way to get clean and sober. This poem is fine for the experience. WHere is the stregnth and hope. HOPE is why we all keep going to meetings - without that HOPE we don't stay clean. Lose and and you're lost.

PS - what are you - her agent?? LOL

[This message has been edited by Christine (edited 03-03-2002).]

umm ok christine ill tell her to inlcude NA and AA in her poem next tiemim sure she will be able to make them rhyme http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

ummm no im not her agent lol hmmmmmmm (maybe a good idea)

H for Humble

umm ok christine ill tell her to inlcude NA and AA in her poem next tiemim sure she will be able to make them rhyme http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

ummm no im not her agent lol hmmmmmmm (maybe a good idea)

H for Humble

Your message brought tears to my eyes. I am an addict in recovery. I was addicted to Herion and cocaine. I found my recovery by entering a 10 day detox facility and then from there entering a recovery where I lived safe from drugs. I now attend N.A.,C.A. and A.A. meetings. I read alot of the responses to your poem some negative but, I can tell you that it hit home to me. If I had woke up this morning and was thinking about using, that poem might have been an inspiration. I read one response that said why live in the misery or something like that. Addiction is pain and like any pain, time makes you forget. I myself need to be reminded how awful my addiction was. I also need to here strenght and hope but, I need to be brought back to how I felt when I use. That monkey on my back will always be there and I must fight him at all times.
Complacency is my enemy, easy to recognize in othere, but difficult to identify and accept in myself.Complanency simply means being sure your right---taking it for granted that we couldn't possibly be wrong. It means, moreover, judging others by what we think is right. It blocks our understanding and kindness, and seems to justify qualities in ourselves that we'd find wholly tolerable in others. Thank you for your poem, it may have kept me clean today.

Humble dude,

It was a cool poem, just not the "norm" here for these folks.

Addiction sucks is sometimes its own message, and in the end she got clean.



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FREDO

Squirel and FREDO you twe really made my day thx cos i got some stick for the peom by Nicole but to see a vetran liek Fredo give it he thumbs up and to hear squireel that it actully stopped u from using makes me feel ontop of the world so thx again....

Humble

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"So complicated it is to escape fate that you can never understand what im going through till we trade places...." - 2pac shakur

was 2pac a rapping philosopher?

ofcourse hzebo tupac was a rapping philosopher he was and is the greatest rapper of all time without doubt and a great man too he was not only a philospher but had many sides to him as hi songs potray the above quote is taken from his recent rap- Letter2 my unborn and from
Till the end of time here pac is a philospher but then he is a thug in Hit em up after which he was shot and died...prior to this he was shot five times! but survive few yrs back....and then in dear mama you see pacs sensetive side so what more can i say but give you few more quotes -


"God please forgive me 4 my sins and i swear i will never steal again...or deal again" - 2pac shakur

"Since birth ive been cursed..." - 2pac shakur

"I got shot 5 times but im still breathing living proof theres a God if u need a reason" - 2pac shakur

"Who shot me but u punks didnt finish now get ready to feel the wrath of my menace"
- 2pac shakur

"My only freind is my misery...." - pac


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"So complicated it is to escape fate that you can never understand what im going through till we trade places...." - 2pac shakur