Christine or Claudius you lot out there esp cos u two helped me when i read about your stories well why do i feel the pain everyday of being a heroin addict did u read my friends poem by Nicole how true it is....
i mena now im clean right great but what the point when i feel depressed every day that im clean i feel depressed so i use again then i fall into the trap of uisng H again and then i feel depressed cos i knwo im hooked again so what the way out of this...why the pain why?

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"So complicated it is to escape fate that you can never understand what im going through till we trade places...." - 2pac shakur

i mena now im clean right great but what the point when i feel depressed every day that im clean i feel depressed so i use again then i fall into the trap of uisng H again and then i feel depressed cos i knwo im hooked again so what the way out of this...why the pain why?

Dear Humbleman,

Yes, I liked the poem and it does ring very true. All our stories are so interchangeable, are they not?

I think you are searching…and you are coming closer to your answer…doubtful we will have an answer until either one of us can claim 10, 15, 20, 30 years clean. Always learning. Always leave yourself open to learn, I try anyway.

Humbleman, that is my struggle. Everyday. Depression or anxiety…stupid stuff. But think, what have we been injecting directly into our bloodstream for years and years? We have been blasting our brains with an ultra blaster. A drug so powerful they give it to terminally ill patients. Remember how it instilled all that confidence?…all that motivation and happy happy feelings? It stands to reason that when we stop, and when the withdrawels are over….the world will look very different indeed…plus, NOBODY really knows about the grey matter between our ears. Nobody really knows the long-term effects. Are we endorphin handicapped for good? I don’t know. I don’t think anybody really knows. But I want to live. There is no choice anymore. So, I have to make very effort to get out of the funk. There are things we can do to promote natural endorphin production: exercise (include cardiovascular stuff), eat right…plus carbohydrates are good for depression, humour – laugh man, look at the hilarity of it all. We are ALL crazy and are all just acting in different roles…rrrrrrreally haha!

Another thing I do is to try to broaden my horizons...one reason I don’t frequent recovery boards that often anymore: go somewhere else besides the ever lurking monkey that is hiding behind every rock…for me personally, I like history very much and so I throw myself into that and from a common interest I meet tons of different people and we never talk about drugs http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif I take myself elsewhere….you with me? I don’t know if that garrble made sense. Sure hope so. Take care Humbleman and give it time. This takes a long long time. Believe in yourself and be patient…and if it is truly bad, go get help…so many groups out there, so many docs, so much support.

Good luck my friend.

Claudius nice to hear from u my freind hmmm you know at first i wasnt 100 percent sure you was like me as in
some one who knows the monkey who was on your back so well, well i know for sure you are from my neck of the woods so to speak although on the surface my friend it seems you are doing a whole lot better than I ...i mean i dunno but the way u spoke seemed like you been clean for yrs maybe im wrong but bro i cant seem to get through damn day..blah blah yeh im sure u know about the depression whatevr &&^&% i mean thers no point me telling u how **** i feel when i havent pumped chiva (china white) quality gear into me ...you know all about that im sure but right now whats bothering me is cant c a way out of this and if there is it sure aint gonna be easy ...so then i tell myslef whats the point..is tho only way out of this death??
anyway...
the other day my drug counsellor im in rehab i get methadone 4 my withdrawals...(via script) asks me to honestly tell him if i want to stop dong H or if i would rather stay on H if all other conditios were met i.e i could afford it or it did not present a health problem etc ..i told him no, at first he did not belive me he said 90 percent of recvering H addicts he deals with dont wnat to come off the stuff i told him i do cos i dont wnat to be junkie all my life...but easier said than done ...either im double weak cos i cant stop or im deluding myslef and i dont realy want to stop God knows which one i am ......i mean i pray to God to give me the srength to stop...hmm ok then i think yes i will become very relegious or pious that way i have to stop doing the gear cos drugs and religion dont mix but then i think hang on i cant deceive the Almighty by
wanting to becoem relgious such that i can stop being a
dope addict surely thats not true faith in God i like to think i am a true beliver in which case i have to go with the flow as in is my life predestined by Gods will can i really make a change and change my life or am i kidding myslef and ill be a dope feind till i die God willing i wont....take care claudius sorry 4 the prolonged vent and your message was geatly appreciated i aways liked your messages cos they are full of wisdom thats why i mentioned your name at the beginning. Thanks again.

Humble Man


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"So complicated it is to escape fate that you can never understand what im going through till we trade places...." - 2pac shakur

[QUOTE]Originally posted by HumbleMan10248:
t right now whats bothering me is cant c a way out of this and if there is it sure aint gonna be easy ..

No, it isn't going to be easy. In fact, all of life is not easy, we just have to have the willingness and the faith to know that it is going to be okay.


to stop God knows which one i am ......i mean i pray to God to give me the srength to stop...hmm ok then i think yes i will become very relegious or pious that way i have to stop doing the gear cos drugs and religion dont mix but then i think hang on i cant deceive the Almighty by
wanting to becoem relgious such that i can stop being a
dope addict surely thats not true faith in God i like to think i am a true beliver in which case i have to go with the flow as in is my life predestined by Gods will can i really make a change and change my life or am i kidding myslef and ill be a dope feind till i die God willing i wont....




You can pray all you want for the strength, but you also have to have the willingness to stop. Have you tried to go to a detox and remain in there until they have finished detoxing you medically and with them dispensing the meds and tapering and then going to maybe a 28 day program (inpatient) and then coninue with meetings? I haven't seeen where you wrote that you tried that. Many people fail at taking home meds to detox themselves. We can't do this all alone and there are people out there that can help and after the hard part there are people in the rooms of N.A. that have been where you are and can help you through the tough days.
I need to sign off right now, but I will watch to see if you have any ideas or input on what I have suggested.

hey Humble man -

If you are truly ready to get off heroin, do as Hzebo says. Get into detox. STay there for the entire program. As soon as you get out, in 30 days or whatever, get immediatly involved in an aftercare program and get your humble butt to NA!!! Go every day for 90 days - every day. Meet other addicts who have beat it. Start hangning out with them. Cut off all contact with you user friends. Stay close to the clean ones. Keep going. Dont' stop. If you truly want your life back - you can get it - some days are going to really really rough - that is why it will be so important that you have a support network - on those days that you just can't make it through another hour if you don't have a hit - you need to be able to pick up the phone or take a drive with someone who has been there - that is what NA does for you - you inturn with be helping someone else stay clean - addicts help other addicts that is why the program works.

Find a rehab facility today. Detox, get clean, get your life back.

Claudius you said -go somewhere else besides the ever lurking monkey that is hiding behind every rock…

hahaha that was good a one man..but i cna see your srious point too my freind...

Hzebo and Christine thank you very much for replying yes i know you two well from your previous posts and know that both of you are of the winners i.e you have beat your addictions congrats to u both!

sorry if i came across bit harsh in teh message -Heroin Eyes by Nicole just trying to put my point across..

OK Hzebo yes i agree with you prob your right the home based detox dont work or they dont work 4 me anyway so yes i will look into the other option you mentioed if i cant beat it on my own so to speak

and Christine yes i will i def will go to ....hmm you said NA but dont u agree AA is better i think i heard u say that and other pepole that NA had too many active users and knowing me i bet i find those peeps out who can get me even better quality H so what do u think should i apporach AA instead would that be a better option i spoke to some AA folks who said the 12 step prgram in AA was diffrent from NA and it may not help me what do u think i really like to hear from you and hzebo cos i know u2 can a help me with your advice...

Humble Man

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"So complicated it is to escape fate that you can never understand what im going through till we trade places...." - 2pac shakur

To whom it may concern:
I have no insurance. I have no money. What I do have is a "23" old young man who has been a heroin addict for 7 yrs.
He has already been in various rehab programs. 7 x's at Par., Bradenton Drug Treatment Facility and 2 x's in prison already! There are no lock down facilities in the State of Florida, there are no 28 day state funded programs, unless you are in trouble with the law and court ordered and still you can walk right out the door.
My son is so strung out right now, the only way I see him getting off Heroin is by not living another day for the next fix.
I can't tell you the countless times I've had my son Marchment and Baker acted, and prosecuted to help him. This time he's come to me, and I cannot help him, since I have been a single Mother raising all 4 of my kids alone since I gave birth to the first on almost 29 yrs ago. I have a 12 yr. daughter, 19 yr. old pregnant daughter, and my grand daughter all living at home, that I am supporting and I am tired.
My son wants off the Heroin, but no programs are out there that cater to the addict with no financial means in which to pay off the detox facility. Why can’t a detox facility, facilitate a program by which a person who is in recovery has a chance to work off their debt to help others recover along with them?
I am tired of the sleepless nights. I am tired of the phone ringing in the middle of the night just waiting for someone to tell me my son is dead from a drug overdose.
If you can give me some light on this situation I'd surely appreciate it. Otherwise, I am sure I will be planning a funeral before the year is over. I have life insurance, why do they call it that? It doesn't sustain ones life...it should be called death insurance since it only pays to die not live. Where is the “HERO IN” this Heroin addiction?
Please advise, I don't know where to turn anymore.
Painfully...

What about religious organisations?

When I ran out of cash and wanted to try again, I went into a Christian rehab. I jumped through their hoops and said what they wanted me to say and fortunately was not expected to pay a cent. The experience did me a lot of good.

Sorry about all that.

I am outraged. In 1940 the American Medical Association deemed alcohloism/addiction a disease of the brain, hence why do they not offer proper help.My heart is just aching right now. I live in Canada and no person is turned down from recieving help regardless of social status. Here are Detoxs are government funded. If you have medical insurance it is paid through your insurance. We have government controlled health insurance so, if you are under a certain income your health care is paid for. Your rates are based on income, so the addicts that need help the most are able to get help whenever they need it. I myself entered a 10 day detox, I then went to a recovery home where you can live from 3 to 9 months. This was all paid by the government as I was a single mother. I am back to work now and contributing to the society, paying taxes and such so, it was a good investment for them. I hear stories like yours all the time and I wonder how does your gov. think addicts are going to recieve help. They usually do not have money.

I don't know what state you are in, but I know that in Michigan, there is an agency called PACE. My boyfriend used it when he went into rehab, and basically it is a government funded agency that paid for the rehab. If you don't have income or insurance, it really helps. Now, I don't know if your state has anything like that, but I can't imagine that they wouldn't.

I have asked my two best sources - both recovering heroin addicts who have both been in rehab a number of times before they "got it" and got clean over th past couple of years. You just go, show up, sit in the lobby. You will get in.

How about state aid? No job and no resources - that is what medicaid is for. At least apply and get the ball rolling since the red tape takes a few weeks. In the meantime, try what I was told works - go to the facility, sit in admitting, and they will find you a bed.

Good luck.

star sorry im based in teh UK and looks like things are much more easier over here well the home based rehab with a script and support from a drug organization is avilable here easily and toatlly free
get your son to emigrate to teh UK!

otherwise please try what my freinds from across the ocean have pointed out and keep us posted please...

H 4 humble not heroin

Humbleman,
was just wondering how you are doing, hope things are getting better for you. Maybe we can all make it through this together. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif