GinnyW
07-21-2002, 08:09 AM
I need serious help! I am not a smoker, I cant stand the stuff but my mother is and has been since she was like 17 and is now 54. so that is like 37 years. She smokes about a pack a day I think and has chronic bronchitis and is facing back surgery and needs to quit for that.
well when I approach the subject with her she gets angry. she says she enjoys smoking, so much she likes to smell her fingers :( and she is saying she is gonna put of the surgery so she doesnt have to stop and she has talked to people that have quit and they tell her they still want it :(
HOW can I help her to stop? people say I cant MAKE her and I know that but how can I drill into her head the importance. I am not ready to lose my mom.
I have printed stuff off the net and gave it to her and I doubt she has read it.
it is like watching someone kill themselves slowly, what can I do?
well when I approach the subject with her she gets angry. she says she enjoys smoking, so much she likes to smell her fingers :( and she is saying she is gonna put of the surgery so she doesnt have to stop and she has talked to people that have quit and they tell her they still want it :(
HOW can I help her to stop? people say I cant MAKE her and I know that but how can I drill into her head the importance. I am not ready to lose my mom.
I have printed stuff off the net and gave it to her and I doubt she has read it.
it is like watching someone kill themselves slowly, what can I do?
Sponsor
AshleeD
07-26-2002, 03:14 PM
GinnyW, I'm sorry to hear your mom is such a heavy smoker and liking it. The only thing you really can do is keep on telling her how it bothers you. Have you told her that you're not ready to lose her to cigarettes? What you should do is print out statistics about the #'s of deaths due to smoking, and print out a sheet of all the ingredients used to make cigarettes, and the harm each one of them does (do a search for this, it will bring up a LOT of stuff) and instead of handing them to her, read them to her and if she acts like she's ignoring you, she's probably listening and knows she's going to dig her own grave but doesn't want to admit it. Just keep reading and pushing her. In the end, unfortunately you cannot make her stop smoking. Tell her you'll be her support if she tries to stop. Make sure she knows you love her and that you'd be there for her 100% if she decided to just stop smoking. Make a deal with her...is there anything she's wanted you to do for her for awhile? Bargain with her and be like Mom, I'll do blah blah blah if you lessen the # of cigarettes you smoke in a day. Stuff like that. I don't know if I'm being much of help, but it can be done. My grandma stopped smoking a few years ago after like 45 years of it. It CAN BE DONE. Just believe in her, tell her you believe in her, and keep pushing it. Like I said, you can't make her stop, but you sure as hell can say you tried. Also, scare her...that sounds mean but say something like well, Mom, when you're in the hospital with lung cancer do you want me to be saying I told you so?? I don't mean to scare you either, but if she doesn't stop, most likely cigarettes will be the death of her. Tell her this in case she doesn't know. Take care hun, and keep trying! Don't feel like you haven't made a difference because she hasn't tried to quit yet because you have. Good luck and I hope I've helped you :) I really do.
Much http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif ~Ashlee :wave:
[This message has been edited by AshleeD (edited 07-26-2002).]
Much http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif ~Ashlee :wave:
[This message has been edited by AshleeD (edited 07-26-2002).]
Bosheep
08-07-2002, 12:56 PM
Chronic bronchitis very often indicates lung cancer. No kidding. I have had chronic bronchitis for around 3 years - each fall I'd catch a cold and it would go straight to my chest and stay there for weeks - this would usually happen a couple times each year. Last fall they found out that I have lung cancer. I had just turned 40. They did a chest xray - doctor didn't see anything on it, but radiologist saw a small shadow...so they did a cat scan which showed it up real well - then a biopsy - end result - my bronchitis was lung cancer.
I didn't FEEL or look like I had lung cancer. I just had the bronchitis...Normally the doctors just give me anitibiotics for that and send me on - this time I got a young, inexperienced doctor who consulted his book about my bronchitis, and sent me for an xray..
The doctors tell me that my cancer had been there for a year or two already - by the time it shows up on xray, that's how old it is, at the youngest. It had started inside of me around the age of 38.
The lung cancer was in the very early stage and is the slow growing type PRAISE THE LORD!- it may have just laid there for another ten years or more before starting to grow bigger - I might have lived until 50 something, as the case with my uncle who died of lung cancer. I started smoking at age 13, ...27 years of smoking.
Right before I was diagnosed with lung cancer, I quit smoking. I've been quit now for about 9 months and am loving it. I LOVED my cigarettes and didn't want to quit - but I also wanted to live to be 50 at least, and raise my children. I used the patch to quit - I was amazed at how much easier it was to quit than I thought it would be - I had tried cold turkey before, and always failed within 30 minutes. My co-worker was the same way - didn't want to quit but family nagged her to quit and bought her the patches - so she used them to get them off her back, and found she could go without smoking - and now she's been quit for 3 years. :)
It is nice not to smoke. I had gotten to the point where I was lighting up every 15 or 20 minutes. It ruled my life. I LIVED for the moment at work when break time arrived, - then I'd RUN out so I could have a smoke break. On the way to work, I'd smoke as many cigarettes as I could..as soon as I left work I'd light up...
I couldn't stand to be in the grocery store because they wouldn't allow smoking there . By the time I'd get halfway through the store, I was itching for a cigarette.
Anytime I'd go to a meeting, it was only a short time before I'd be uncomfortable and wanting a cigarette. Any time I had to go in to the hospital, all I could think of was getting outside to get a cigarette. When I had my babies, I'd haul myself downstairs and outside to smoke - within an hour or so of giving birth - and a couple of my births were c-section! When I had my gallbladder taken out, I could hardly stand up I was so groggy, but found my way downstairs and outside to have a couple cigarettes. When I had kidney stones and couldn't leave the room in the hospital, I smoked in the hospital room anyway. That wasn't permitted, so I got several visits from hospital administrators warning me to not smoke in the hospital - but I continued to smoke in the room anyway until they let me go home.
When I gave birth to one of my babies here at home, I smoked through labor and right up until just a few minutes before delivery. Is this pathetic or what?
It's addiction. Everywhere I went, I had my cigarettes and lighter with me. I didn't walk from one room to the next in our house without taking my cigarettes and lighter with me. It was the first thing I did each morning, and the very last thing at night.
The patches were a major help in quitting. Still required some effort on my part, but at least it was do-able. The first day was the hardest - but by the time a month had passed, I had the not smoking thing down pretty good.
One month after I had quit smoking, I went in for lung surgery - they removed part of my right lung.
Nevertheless! Things have improved so much for me since I quit smoking!!! I can smell things I haven't been able to smell in a couple decades. I didn't realize my sense of smell had deteriorated so much - I thought it was fine. It has improved tremendously since I quit.
My sense of taste - I haven't eaten food that tasted this good since 1976!!! Incidentally, that's when I took up the nasty habit of smoking I think..
Back in December ( I quit smoking in late November) my lung function was 67%. It is now 97%!!! (and that's with part of one lung missing even). My breathing has improved a LOT since I quit.
Since I quit, I find that cigarette smoke literally stinks to high heaven. I can smell a smoker clear across the room - they have an odor on them that is very ugly and very strong - but they cannot smell it themselves. It stinks - it really and truly stinks. I cannot believe I smelled like that all the years I smoked - but I did. It is repulsive to smell now.
I teach at an elementary school. I can pick out the children who have smoking parents just by standing next to them - the children STINK just like their parents stink - I am so ashamed that I caused my own children to stink like that.
When I was a smoker, I used breath mints and gums, and lots of perfume - I was fairly certain nobody could know I was a smoker unless I told them. Fact is, not all of the mouthwash, toothpaste, breath mints, gum, and perfume in the world can hide that smell on a smoker.
After I quit, I noticed that my car really smelled bad - EWWWW. (But I couldn't smell it when I smoked!)So did my house. My house and car smell nice now - and they are so much cleaner. The windows and mirrors stay lots cleaner and require cleaning so much less. There isn't a yellow yucky film collecting on the computer monitor or the windows.
Most amazing of all - I have more energy and have a much better mood. Before I was so irritable and cranky - I thought the cigarettes helped me with stress - they were in reality CAUSING me to be irritable. I am so much calmer now - I think the best word to describe this is SERENE. :)
I love not being chained to cigarettes any more. I love not HAVING to have a cigarette. My hair smells pretty now - not nasty. My fingers aren't yellow. My skin color has improved so much -
IT's ALL GOOD. Trying to convince a smoker they want or need to smoke is the hardest part of the journey however.
I suggest you buy Mom a box of Nicoderm CQ and set her up an appointment to have a cat scan done of her chest. Chronic bronchitis IS a warning sign of lung cancer. Cat scan will show cancer in early stage when nothing will show up on xray.
Lung cancer, if caught early, is curable. Only 15% of lung cancer patients are diagnosed in the early stage. 85% are later stage, which usually means survival of only a few months or a year or so.
My cancer was very small, very early, and hadn't yet spread. The surgery got rid of it - and I don't have to have chemo or radiation - I am cancer free now. :)
Had I not been diagnosed until NOW or something this fall, it is quite possible it would have been too late.
I really and truly enjoy not smoking. I like the money too - I didn't realize just how much I DID spend on smoking.
It's not your mom's fault she smokes and is addicted to cigarettes. They addicted several generations of us - while we were but CHILDREN. We chose to smoke - we didn't choose to become addicts - we didn't realize that would happen. Shoot - I grew up in foster care and cigarettes were provided for us if we were age 12 or above!
Getting Mom to understand she has been victimized by big tobacco is difficult. I strongly recommend giving her patches and getting her in for a cat scan - and letting her know that you really love her a lot. She may respond to you with anger - but that is the addiction talking- there is still HER underneath and she will hear you, even if she doesn' acknowledge it.
I didn't FEEL or look like I had lung cancer. I just had the bronchitis...Normally the doctors just give me anitibiotics for that and send me on - this time I got a young, inexperienced doctor who consulted his book about my bronchitis, and sent me for an xray..
The doctors tell me that my cancer had been there for a year or two already - by the time it shows up on xray, that's how old it is, at the youngest. It had started inside of me around the age of 38.
The lung cancer was in the very early stage and is the slow growing type PRAISE THE LORD!- it may have just laid there for another ten years or more before starting to grow bigger - I might have lived until 50 something, as the case with my uncle who died of lung cancer. I started smoking at age 13, ...27 years of smoking.
Right before I was diagnosed with lung cancer, I quit smoking. I've been quit now for about 9 months and am loving it. I LOVED my cigarettes and didn't want to quit - but I also wanted to live to be 50 at least, and raise my children. I used the patch to quit - I was amazed at how much easier it was to quit than I thought it would be - I had tried cold turkey before, and always failed within 30 minutes. My co-worker was the same way - didn't want to quit but family nagged her to quit and bought her the patches - so she used them to get them off her back, and found she could go without smoking - and now she's been quit for 3 years. :)
It is nice not to smoke. I had gotten to the point where I was lighting up every 15 or 20 minutes. It ruled my life. I LIVED for the moment at work when break time arrived, - then I'd RUN out so I could have a smoke break. On the way to work, I'd smoke as many cigarettes as I could..as soon as I left work I'd light up...
I couldn't stand to be in the grocery store because they wouldn't allow smoking there . By the time I'd get halfway through the store, I was itching for a cigarette.
Anytime I'd go to a meeting, it was only a short time before I'd be uncomfortable and wanting a cigarette. Any time I had to go in to the hospital, all I could think of was getting outside to get a cigarette. When I had my babies, I'd haul myself downstairs and outside to smoke - within an hour or so of giving birth - and a couple of my births were c-section! When I had my gallbladder taken out, I could hardly stand up I was so groggy, but found my way downstairs and outside to have a couple cigarettes. When I had kidney stones and couldn't leave the room in the hospital, I smoked in the hospital room anyway. That wasn't permitted, so I got several visits from hospital administrators warning me to not smoke in the hospital - but I continued to smoke in the room anyway until they let me go home.
When I gave birth to one of my babies here at home, I smoked through labor and right up until just a few minutes before delivery. Is this pathetic or what?
It's addiction. Everywhere I went, I had my cigarettes and lighter with me. I didn't walk from one room to the next in our house without taking my cigarettes and lighter with me. It was the first thing I did each morning, and the very last thing at night.
The patches were a major help in quitting. Still required some effort on my part, but at least it was do-able. The first day was the hardest - but by the time a month had passed, I had the not smoking thing down pretty good.
One month after I had quit smoking, I went in for lung surgery - they removed part of my right lung.
Nevertheless! Things have improved so much for me since I quit smoking!!! I can smell things I haven't been able to smell in a couple decades. I didn't realize my sense of smell had deteriorated so much - I thought it was fine. It has improved tremendously since I quit.
My sense of taste - I haven't eaten food that tasted this good since 1976!!! Incidentally, that's when I took up the nasty habit of smoking I think..
Back in December ( I quit smoking in late November) my lung function was 67%. It is now 97%!!! (and that's with part of one lung missing even). My breathing has improved a LOT since I quit.
Since I quit, I find that cigarette smoke literally stinks to high heaven. I can smell a smoker clear across the room - they have an odor on them that is very ugly and very strong - but they cannot smell it themselves. It stinks - it really and truly stinks. I cannot believe I smelled like that all the years I smoked - but I did. It is repulsive to smell now.
I teach at an elementary school. I can pick out the children who have smoking parents just by standing next to them - the children STINK just like their parents stink - I am so ashamed that I caused my own children to stink like that.
When I was a smoker, I used breath mints and gums, and lots of perfume - I was fairly certain nobody could know I was a smoker unless I told them. Fact is, not all of the mouthwash, toothpaste, breath mints, gum, and perfume in the world can hide that smell on a smoker.
After I quit, I noticed that my car really smelled bad - EWWWW. (But I couldn't smell it when I smoked!)So did my house. My house and car smell nice now - and they are so much cleaner. The windows and mirrors stay lots cleaner and require cleaning so much less. There isn't a yellow yucky film collecting on the computer monitor or the windows.
Most amazing of all - I have more energy and have a much better mood. Before I was so irritable and cranky - I thought the cigarettes helped me with stress - they were in reality CAUSING me to be irritable. I am so much calmer now - I think the best word to describe this is SERENE. :)
I love not being chained to cigarettes any more. I love not HAVING to have a cigarette. My hair smells pretty now - not nasty. My fingers aren't yellow. My skin color has improved so much -
IT's ALL GOOD. Trying to convince a smoker they want or need to smoke is the hardest part of the journey however.
I suggest you buy Mom a box of Nicoderm CQ and set her up an appointment to have a cat scan done of her chest. Chronic bronchitis IS a warning sign of lung cancer. Cat scan will show cancer in early stage when nothing will show up on xray.
Lung cancer, if caught early, is curable. Only 15% of lung cancer patients are diagnosed in the early stage. 85% are later stage, which usually means survival of only a few months or a year or so.
My cancer was very small, very early, and hadn't yet spread. The surgery got rid of it - and I don't have to have chemo or radiation - I am cancer free now. :)
Had I not been diagnosed until NOW or something this fall, it is quite possible it would have been too late.
I really and truly enjoy not smoking. I like the money too - I didn't realize just how much I DID spend on smoking.
It's not your mom's fault she smokes and is addicted to cigarettes. They addicted several generations of us - while we were but CHILDREN. We chose to smoke - we didn't choose to become addicts - we didn't realize that would happen. Shoot - I grew up in foster care and cigarettes were provided for us if we were age 12 or above!
Getting Mom to understand she has been victimized by big tobacco is difficult. I strongly recommend giving her patches and getting her in for a cat scan - and letting her know that you really love her a lot. She may respond to you with anger - but that is the addiction talking- there is still HER underneath and she will hear you, even if she doesn' acknowledge it.
Debra Noel2
08-07-2002, 02:16 PM
I am going to be very hypocritical here. In Jan 2002, I quit smoking. It has been just over 7 months, and I feel great. It hasn't been easy and many times I thought about throwing it all away for just one more cigarette.....but I didn't. My problem now is that I have become one of those born-again non-smokers. The smell of it disgusts me and the actual habit sickens me. See both my parents (in their late 50s) smoke, and have since they were very young. I live in Alberta Canada where cigarettes have sky-rocketed in price to $10 a pack. My parents have sworn to quit smoking and not pay that kind of money. Initially, they cut back to 5 cigarettes a day. This sounded great, but the problem is that the 5 cigarettes were broken down throughout the day - a puff here, a puff there. They never actually reduced how often they were smoking, just the amount. Well now, that novelty has worn off, and they are back to chain smoking like they always did. They still butt their smokes and relight later, but they are definately past the 5 a day they were at. I, more than anyone, know just how hard it is to quit. But since I have, I have realized that I am not going to give my life away to this nasty drug. My mother uses "anxiety" as her excuse not to quit - stating that she wouldn't be able to cope. Well, if anyone knows anxiety, it is me. I have suffered from severe panic disorder for 9 years, and have still managed to successfully quit. My father is interested in quitting but has told me it is hard, because mom has no intention. It just further disgusts me because I know their quality of life will suffer in the long run, they won't be able to enjoy me and my brother, and definately not their grandchildren (if that ever happens). It is hard for me to say anything to my parents because I don't want to be the hypocrite, but it is even harder not to get down right pissed off with them.
Bosheep
08-07-2002, 07:04 PM
I'm sorry - I just saw a big boo-boo. I meant to say QUIT not smoke,
"Trying to convince a smoker they want or need to smoke is the hardest part of the journey however."
That's supposed to say "need to QUIT". oops.
"Trying to convince a smoker they want or need to smoke is the hardest part of the journey however."
That's supposed to say "need to QUIT". oops.
crystalll
08-09-2002, 09:10 PM
Bosheep:
You hit the nail on the head!!
One of the best things about quitting smoking is NEVER HAVING TO THINK ABOUT CIGARETTES AGAIN!
Thanks for you inspiring story.
Debra:
I understand how you feel. My in-laws are chain smokers and we used to be "smoking buddies". Now that I've quit I find it very hard to lecture them on their smoking. Maybe just being a good example will help them out. Keep reminding them how wonderful it is to be an ex-smoker. Unfortunately, the only way to truly quit smoking is to truly want to quit smoking.
Crystal
You hit the nail on the head!!
One of the best things about quitting smoking is NEVER HAVING TO THINK ABOUT CIGARETTES AGAIN!
Thanks for you inspiring story.
Debra:
I understand how you feel. My in-laws are chain smokers and we used to be "smoking buddies". Now that I've quit I find it very hard to lecture them on their smoking. Maybe just being a good example will help them out. Keep reminding them how wonderful it is to be an ex-smoker. Unfortunately, the only way to truly quit smoking is to truly want to quit smoking.
Crystal
Carla Sue
09-12-2002, 07:34 PM
Hi Debra Noel2
I disagree with you totally, just because you have quit smoking and now you want to educate your loved ones as to how easy it REALLY can be and how GREAT they will feel, I dont think this is hipocritical(sp)
I quit smoking 11-30-2002 My smoking habits were very much like bosheeps here on this topic.
I quit because I was having surgery and promised my husband that was it,
I was going to quit the day I left hospital.Well I woke from surgery throwing up profusly for two days straight LITERALLY.Even though it occured to me that I was very ill, and in no way wanted this to be my life,I thought gee I better quit smoking because this being a patient crap is not for me.
Well then two days later I am well enough to leave and I tell my husband,hey I dont think I can quit,
well thankfully the dissapointment in his face, was enough to keep me from lighting up that cigarette,I used the patch for 25 days, until I realized that the patch actually made me want to smoke, and then I got off the patch.I think the patch is useful to get over the hand to mouth habit, then the nicotine withdrawel is not as intense.
November 30 2001 at 5:45 am was my last cigarrette, and I AM SO HAPPY TO BE FREE!!!! :-)
One more thing Smoking is an addiction and quitting doesnt magically make the addiction go away, just like any other addiction, BUT!! When you quit over time it becomes ALOT easier to see the reasons why you shouldnt smoke,and the urge is nowhere as strong.
Yes AT LEAST once a week I think
about a cigarette, but that is it, I would never want to give up the success I have found in quitting smoking as I am no longer stuck, I used to think I would be missing somthing if I quit smoking, and I havent missed anything. :-)
I hope this helps and good luck
I forgot to mention I also avoid smokers, and my biggest comment when people complain, I say
"hey I didnt quit smoking to hang out with smokers!"
:-)
Carla Sue
[This message has been edited by Carla Sue (edited 09-12-2002).]
I disagree with you totally, just because you have quit smoking and now you want to educate your loved ones as to how easy it REALLY can be and how GREAT they will feel, I dont think this is hipocritical(sp)
I quit smoking 11-30-2002 My smoking habits were very much like bosheeps here on this topic.
I quit because I was having surgery and promised my husband that was it,
I was going to quit the day I left hospital.Well I woke from surgery throwing up profusly for two days straight LITERALLY.Even though it occured to me that I was very ill, and in no way wanted this to be my life,I thought gee I better quit smoking because this being a patient crap is not for me.
Well then two days later I am well enough to leave and I tell my husband,hey I dont think I can quit,
well thankfully the dissapointment in his face, was enough to keep me from lighting up that cigarette,I used the patch for 25 days, until I realized that the patch actually made me want to smoke, and then I got off the patch.I think the patch is useful to get over the hand to mouth habit, then the nicotine withdrawel is not as intense.
November 30 2001 at 5:45 am was my last cigarrette, and I AM SO HAPPY TO BE FREE!!!! :-)
One more thing Smoking is an addiction and quitting doesnt magically make the addiction go away, just like any other addiction, BUT!! When you quit over time it becomes ALOT easier to see the reasons why you shouldnt smoke,and the urge is nowhere as strong.
Yes AT LEAST once a week I think
about a cigarette, but that is it, I would never want to give up the success I have found in quitting smoking as I am no longer stuck, I used to think I would be missing somthing if I quit smoking, and I havent missed anything. :-)
I hope this helps and good luck
I forgot to mention I also avoid smokers, and my biggest comment when people complain, I say
"hey I didnt quit smoking to hang out with smokers!"
:-)
Carla Sue
[This message has been edited by Carla Sue (edited 09-12-2002).]
ConCon
10-17-2002, 12:04 PM
Hey everyone....I have to say that reading the comments on this page has helped me tremendously. I am quitting the 21st of October and hopefully this time I can do it for good. I am 46 and I have smoked most of my life. My father died of lung cancer in 1986 at the age of 56. I did quit once for 6 months and I did feel wonderful but due to my son smoking at home the cigs were there and I picked one up one day and started smoking again and I have hated myself everyday for it. All I need is a little encouragement and someone to maybe coorespond (sp?) with every other day. Support is everything and I don't have that right now. I really like this sight and feel I can get alot of help from it......Thank you all.
Connie
Connie