I always hate posting newbie messages, but this is my first post here. I thought I would introduce myself, and give a little background history.

A friend of mine suggested that I try and find a group to talk to and I'm not good with face to face conversation.

I have been stuggling with addictions of one sort or another for about 7 years. I had a problems before that, but thought I had everything under control.

I am a former memeber of both AA and NA. A drop out I guess you could say. When I was in AA I met a guy that got me hooked on more stuff than I was before. Since that terrible experiene I have never been back.

I'm an alcoholic and love pills(among other things). Xanax most of all. Although I am hanging on right now. I haven't had a drink in 2 days(a long time for me) and no Xanax for almost a week. I feel like crap and thought I might find someone here that knows what it's like.

I have stayed clean for months before and then I just keep going back. I don't know what makes me do it. I know I sound pathetic, but it's the truth. I just feel so bad without something in my system.

I have also been treated for depression in the past. That's what got me started on the Xanax.

I really don't know what to say. I just thought there might be someone here that knows what it's like to live this way. Someone who really wants to change, but just doesn't know how.

Thanks for listening.

Carla

FuzzyBear,

I also am new at this. My situation is similar to yours. I also have had many vices in my life (and I am only 37). When I was younger I liked to have a few on Fridays with the guys, however, once I started I did want to stop, I have since given up my Fridays with the guys (I still try to have couple at weddings or functions but I still cannot stop if I start). I then persued a new problem "pills" mostly percoset and xanax. With the supoort of my wife and family, I recently have been through a detox program. I never thought I would do - It so far has proven the best thing for me. My concern for you is that you will try to quit xanax cold turkey, I have been told this could lead to seizers among other side affects and xanax is one of the most hardest pills to come off. Please be careful and seek medical advice. I was too ashamed in the past to do that, now I know I did the right thing. I always thought I was a strong person and could quit whenever I want. Sometimes we all need a little help.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, please keep me in yours. It has only been one week for me. I know it will be an ongoing battle. Having the support of people going through the same thing and talking about it helps. Keep in touch - we can do it!

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John

Thanks for the reply. The past few days have been really hard for me. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do in my whole life. The thought of going to detox scares me to death. I'm trying to do this on my own. I think I can do this. I hope. Thanks for the prayers. I can use all the help I can get. I will keep you in mine.

I want to apoligize for calling you Fuzzybear. I was reading the boards alot yesterday. Trust me detox was not in the pitcher for me either. It made going through the withdrawls much more comfortable and having people around me going through the same thing was very supportive. Which ever road you decide please just watch yourself carefully. It is very hard and scary but always remember your not alone!