My boyfriend and myself had a beautiful weekend together last week, feeling close and loved again as we used to feel regularly. During the week, he always gets his dole and “cuts off” from me for the few days it takes to spend it “out partying”. I have found this week much harder than usual to detach from him, probably because I am afraid of letting go of that warm feeling inside and losing him again. I know, this is part of the whole addiction (and my part in it) but I just need to tell someone. I don’t know, if I will see him this weekend again either and have arranged to go out myself on Saturday night but it’s still hard.
Funny how being closer has it’s draw-backs! I yearn for the day when we can have a “normal” relationship, when I can trust his word instead of always having to “translate” what he says into reality. He doesn’t want to talk about his drinking at all anymore and claims, he does want to stop. It is so hard to believe this when every week the same thing happens. I know, he doesn’t intend this when he arranges to call, etc but nonetheless, I am still at the other end of his illusion. How much longer does it take for this illusion to shatter and for him to get help? Is there still any enjoyment left in the drinking when it gets chronic or has the psychological need taken over? He himself would be the first to admit that he is unhappy but still has not decided to get help. Thanks for listening to me vent…..