Hi,
I have been reading these posts for quite a while. Several months to be exact. I have been scared/lazy any excuses to just sit back and read vs joining in.
Today is my second day coming off of 12-15 per day 10/650 Hydro/co's. I am about to jump out of my skin. I did not sleep at all last night or the night before I did everything I could not to scream out loud my legs ache and ache and I have ate enough immodium in the last couple of days you would think I would never have to go to the bathroom again but I am in the b/r at least every 10 minutes! I think I am dying. I have been on them for about 2 yrs and am way out of control.
I knew better have been here before I cannot believe I am so dumb to be here again. Last time was not this hard. Please help me I really need some people I can speak with. No one knows - I need to do this alone. I am too ashamed to go back to NA I know that they would welcome me back but this is such a small town and even though they are anonymous everyone finds out anyways. Please anyone! I feel so alone.
Mai

HI,
It's me again- Going on day 3. I still feel pretty down. I hope these feelings won't last too much longer. Sometimes it seems so hard to quit. But not only is my behavior hurting myself it is hurting my family even worse. I have read in previous posts of other parents who fealt guilt for there behavior with thier family and I could relate. I so want to be a good Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister, etc.... But I can not be on these little demon pills nor will I ever be if I don't clean up. Where have I gone? What has happened to me? If anyone could please respond I would be so grateful for someone to talk with. Thank you.
Mai

You are showing an amazing amount of courage and character but please don't feel as if you have to do it on your own. We are here and we care but if there is someone who can give you a real hug and help you when things are at their worst, you should turn to them as well. In the meantime, I am thinking happy thoughts for you. I wish you the best and though the words of a faceless stranger may seem hollow, for you and everyone who struggles, I have nothing but hope and love (I know it sounds corny). Keep posting and we'll keep rooting for you. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif

Hello Mai,

You should have told your doctor, he or she can prescribe for you a drug called Clonidine to help with the withdrawls. I was taking around 25-30 Vicodine ES daily. I stopped cold turkey, with the help of Clonidine. I only needed it for the first several days. Its been now around 3 1/2 weeks and I feel great.

Hang in there, every day will get better.
Blessed Be

------------------
~~~~Carpe Noctem~~~~

Dear Rebecarooni and Sandman,
Thank you very much for replying. I really feel like I am at my wits end. I so appreciate the kind words Rebaca and the insight on the Clonodine Sandman. I am going to ask my Dr about it. I really feel ashamed of where I am at. I really used to despise going to the pharmacy and the Drs. cause they treated me with disdain and I guess I deserved it due to my mistreating the pills and ending up dependent on them.
I am still clean, YEAH! !! But I still feel ikcy though.
What makes me sort of angry is that before I even went on the 10/650's I told my doc that I had been addicted to percs before in the past and that I have a very addictive personality but dr assured me there would be no problem due to my being in pain. And here I am feeling sorry for myself I need to get off this pity pot. This weekend I am going to bake cookies with my kids I have not done this in a long time I am really looking forward to it but at the same time I hurt hurt hurt and it almost feels overwhelming like instead of baking cookies I am going to cater a wedding for 2000 guests. Gosh, when will this end? Thank you again for responding- it is so nice to have someone I can relate to.
Mai

Hi,
Its me Mai again. I am going on day 8, Yeah!!!! I still feel like ick though. When will this end. I hurt from the top of head to the bottom of my feet. Gosh, I would give anything to be able not to have to run to the bathroom continously! I read the posts for the vitamin supplements from naval hawk - Pay day is two weeks away cannot afford it now but I am going to buy them as soon as I can. I am desperate. I hope maybe I will have the money sooner cause Im sure I could use it NOW! I tried the pain mngmnt clinic for the clonodine etc... I was hoping for advise like NavalHawk gave you know viamins, yoga, meditation etc.. but the Doc wanted to prescribe more Narcs - I am fed up - I will try one more pain mngmt clinic that my friend goes to hopefully they can help me w/out the narcs. It was so hard telling the Dr NO!!!! I cannot take narcs - they just don't seem to listen but I am really proud of myself for turning them down. All though I felt like I was going to have a panic attack when he offered them part of me was screaming TAKE THEM!!!! You can finally stop the stomach cramps but the more sane side of me said NO DO NOT TAKE THEM YOU WILL ONLY PROLONG YOUR MISERY!!!!I want to be me again. I want to be happy. I want to be a better Mother my children deserve it. I want to play and play. We did bake cookies this weekend. But I was cranky the entire time. I feel so bad for the kids I wanted it to be a nice time and I feel like it was disapointing for them. They are still eating the cookies but the time is not what I envisioned it would be. I don't know how much more I can take. I want to be me again. I feel like maybe I may be lost forever or maybe there isnt really a me anymore. Im sorry Im rambling. I had better close for now.

Mai - been a while since you last posted. How are you?

------------------
Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.