Hi, my dad is an alcoholic who gave up drinking 4 years ago. Last year he found a cancerous lump in his throat that has since spread to his spine and has been told it's too late to do anything about it. He's not worried about dying, but he is absolutely distraught because he thinks he's ruined the time we've had together with his alcoholism. My dad is 34 and I'm 16, we live on our own and he feels so guilty about his drinking and the fact that now he can't make up for it. He has no need to feel guilty though, I love being with my dad, even when he was drinking. The main reason he had to give up was for his health, not because his personality changed or anything. He seems to think though that he made my life a living hell, and says he feels terrible about the way I have had to look after him and not the other way round. I know it sounds awful to say, but he's actually done me a favour in a way, I have grown up and matured very quickly and know that I can look after myself and others when need be, so as you can see he has NOTHING to feel guilty about. Could anyone who has maybe been in this situation or has any ideas how I can make him feel better about himself tell me, I really hate seeing him like this. Thanks.

------------------
-Human dreams...such fertile ground for the seeds of torment-

I dunno. Sounds to me like you see that your dad has given you a wonderful gift. I'm so impressed that you can see it in such a way.
So he feels guilty. Normal. Can you put your finger on any one person that is making him feel this way or is it from within? If from within all you can do is continue to encourage him and love him. Lots of smiles and hugs will go a long way. If his feelings are being prodded by an external source perhaps you can go to that person and ask them to lay off a bit.

How fortunate he is to have you for a daughter!
Bruce

------------------
Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.

Thanks for being so supportive. I guess all I can do is stand by him. Thanks again.

------------------
-Human dreams...such fertile ground for the seeds of torment-

**Fanatic**

Dear Fanatic,

I think all your Dad needs to do is take a real good look at you and relize what a wonderful job he did do. All that should matter is how each day is spent NOW. Enjoy eachother and THIS time together try not to look back! I will keep your dad in my prayers tonight!

Cheryl