laura00000
01-10-2003, 05:59 AM
I don't know whether this is the right place to post, but I'm so upset, and don't know who to talk to.
I don't really know where it started. Last February I got mugged and afterwards I spoke about it to friends, but I just tried to forget about it. It didn't seem to upset afterwards. After that though, I got really scared when I was walking around town if a guy got really close to me I would think he was going to attack me - I felt like this even in the middle of a busy town street. I've always been quite a paranoid person anyway. Recently I moved down to Stevenage and the area is quite quiet, when I walk to work tho, if I see someone behind me, I panic and think that they might try and attack me or kill me. I know this sounds stupid, but recently, I've had this massive fear of dying. I think that things are going so well in my life - I'm really happy with my boyfriend(who I see every 2 weeks) and job - that something is going to happen to wreck this. Over christmas I got a rash/blotches on my body, and I was convinced I had meningitis and was going to die, I couldn't shake these thoughts. And then recently, I found a lump under my arm that was painful, and when I was looking on the internet to see what it might be, I saw that it was one of the symptoms of HIV. I've always been scared that I might have HIV because I had a one night stand and caught crabs about 2 years ago. So then I stared looking at the symptoms of HIV and a lot of them seemed to fit me. I just went into a massive panic, I was convinced that I had HIV. I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like and how drastically my life would change. I was crying and panicking all night, and I couldn't tell my boyfriend because I didn't want to panic him cos he's got important exams at the moment. But I really needed to talk to him about it but I couldn't. I'm the first person he slept with so if I'd have given him hiv I wouldnt have been able to forgive myself. I went work the next day and I couldnt' stop thinkinng about it, I knew I was going to burst into tears and I had to go home early in the end saying I felt ill. All day I was crying my eyes out, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I might have HIV and that I might have given it to my boyfriend. I rang round trying to book a HIV test and managed to get one for the next day. I went the doctors that night to get the lump checked out and he said it was probably a swollen gland altho he couldn't feel a lump there. I burst out crying tho, I was such a mess with worry. I got home and just cried all night. I went for the HIV test the next day, I was just a bundle of nerves, I couldn't stop crying. I took the test and it turned out I didn't have hiv. I felt so relieved. I rang my boyfriend about everything and it was ok. But I woke this morning getting ready for work, but I was so upset and I started crying and couldn't stop. I don't even know why I'm crying. I think it's because I'm scared that I won't be able to get over this upset. I'm scared I'll wake up for work everyday and burst out crying and I won't be able to go to work. I'm only 20 and I'm so scared. I'm such a mess. Please help.
I don't really know where it started. Last February I got mugged and afterwards I spoke about it to friends, but I just tried to forget about it. It didn't seem to upset afterwards. After that though, I got really scared when I was walking around town if a guy got really close to me I would think he was going to attack me - I felt like this even in the middle of a busy town street. I've always been quite a paranoid person anyway. Recently I moved down to Stevenage and the area is quite quiet, when I walk to work tho, if I see someone behind me, I panic and think that they might try and attack me or kill me. I know this sounds stupid, but recently, I've had this massive fear of dying. I think that things are going so well in my life - I'm really happy with my boyfriend(who I see every 2 weeks) and job - that something is going to happen to wreck this. Over christmas I got a rash/blotches on my body, and I was convinced I had meningitis and was going to die, I couldn't shake these thoughts. And then recently, I found a lump under my arm that was painful, and when I was looking on the internet to see what it might be, I saw that it was one of the symptoms of HIV. I've always been scared that I might have HIV because I had a one night stand and caught crabs about 2 years ago. So then I stared looking at the symptoms of HIV and a lot of them seemed to fit me. I just went into a massive panic, I was convinced that I had HIV. I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like and how drastically my life would change. I was crying and panicking all night, and I couldn't tell my boyfriend because I didn't want to panic him cos he's got important exams at the moment. But I really needed to talk to him about it but I couldn't. I'm the first person he slept with so if I'd have given him hiv I wouldnt have been able to forgive myself. I went work the next day and I couldnt' stop thinkinng about it, I knew I was going to burst into tears and I had to go home early in the end saying I felt ill. All day I was crying my eyes out, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I might have HIV and that I might have given it to my boyfriend. I rang round trying to book a HIV test and managed to get one for the next day. I went the doctors that night to get the lump checked out and he said it was probably a swollen gland altho he couldn't feel a lump there. I burst out crying tho, I was such a mess with worry. I got home and just cried all night. I went for the HIV test the next day, I was just a bundle of nerves, I couldn't stop crying. I took the test and it turned out I didn't have hiv. I felt so relieved. I rang my boyfriend about everything and it was ok. But I woke this morning getting ready for work, but I was so upset and I started crying and couldn't stop. I don't even know why I'm crying. I think it's because I'm scared that I won't be able to get over this upset. I'm scared I'll wake up for work everyday and burst out crying and I won't be able to go to work. I'm only 20 and I'm so scared. I'm such a mess. Please help.